【开悟时刻】如何摆脱精神内耗，斯多葛主义的「精神止损法」

Stoic philosophy teaches us that we must distinguish between two kinds of things in life.

One is the things we can control and the other is the things we cannot control.

We must not spend our minds on things we cannot control because you can't change it no matter how much time and effort you spend. Power is

meaningless mental internal consumption.

Nowadays, many of us have learned helplessness.

Learned helplessness is a psychological concept , which means that you feel that you cannot control many things around you.

No matter how hard you try, you cannot change your situation.

There is always a sense of powerlessness.

For example, I No matter how hard I study, I can't get into a prestigious school because no matter how hard I test, I can't pass those smart kids with better qualifications. No matter how hard I work, I can't get the approval of my boss because the leader's ideas seem to change every day . No matter how attentive I am, I can't win the heart of a goddess or a male god.

. No matter how attentive I am, I can't win the heart of a goddess or a male god.

Because of a poor performance before, the other party disliked me.

In short, no matter how hard I tried, nothing could change it.

Faced with this situation, we were all depressed.

If I couldn't change my life situation by doing anything, it would be too powerless.

Then would I still have the motivation to do anything?

I might as well just lie down.

This kind of learned helplessness has contributed to the birth of the people who lie down and die.

Is there any cure for this kind of learned helplessness and the related mental internal consumption ?

The philosophy of Stoicism that I want to share today can cure this . Stoicism is a philosophical school in the ancient Roman period.

. Stoicism is a philosophical school in the ancient Roman period.

Its representative philosophers include Seneca, Epictetus , and the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius.

From the perspective of Stoicism, one must distinguish between two things in life.

One is the thing that one can control, and the other is the thing that one cannot control . What is the thing that one can control?

. What is the thing that one can control?

For example, if you put more effort into memorizing English words , you will memorize more words , and you will memorize a few more words. Or, for example, do a good job at the job at hand.

For example, for this self-media program I did, I did it more seriously and carefully. There should be no typos in the subtitles.

As long as I am willing to be serious and careful, no one will stop me, and I can do better.

This is what I can control and change.

So what are the things that I cannot control?

For example, today's weather , for example, whether I come from a rich family or a commoner class, for example, whether this program I am doing will be popular.

These things are either restricted by physical and natural conditions that I cannot change, or restricted by others.

In addition, there is another thing that cannot be changed, and that is what has already happened, which are the sunk costs.

"Vander Buch's Conjecture" Can time go back? Can we turn back time?

It cannot go back what has happened and cannot change it. After distinguishing the two things,

it. After distinguishing the two things, Stoicism teaches us to accept the things that are beyond our control and then work hard to change the things that can be controlled.

This idea of ​​Stoicism was adopted by later Christian theologian Reinhos Niebuhr described it more clearly in his Serenity Prayer: God, grant me serenity so that I can accept the things I cannot change.

Grant me courage so I can change the things I can.

Grant me wisdom so I can tell the difference. Well

, let's talk about it. A large part of the reason why people feel learned helplessness is that the third article of the "Serenity Prayer" just mentioned lacks the wisdom to distinguish between things that can be changed and things that cannot be changed, and then focus all of one's worries on it. Focusing on those things that cannot be changed, just sitting there all day long

and being mentally exhausted for a long time is of no use because it can't be changed.

It is meaningless internal consumption.

For example, there are always some people who spend all day being internally consumed because they are not born in a rich family. Why is my dad not Li Ka-shing?

Other people's children bought a house in Beijing after graduating from college, but why can I only share the house with others?

Why is heaven so unfair to me!

Then you just leave it there all day long, wasting your time , aren't you just looking for trouble?

Your dad is not Li Ka-shing. You can't control it and can't change it.

Why don't you use this free time to do things you can change?

For example, exercise, learn knowledge, and improve work skills.

There are some things we can't change.

They are our givens and our factory settings.

As the German philosopher Heidegger said, we are "thrown" into this world.

These are some of the basic settings of our lives.

For example, who are my parents? I was born in Where is my height, what is my IQ, what is my skin color, what nationality I am, etc. These are not things I can choose.

This is my history, my foundation.

We must choose those things that can be chosen and accept those things that cannot be chosen.

The 17th century Dutch philosopher Spinoza has a famous saying, "Freedom is the recognition of necessity."

Many people cannot understand Spinoza's paradoxical words, but if you put it in the context of Stoicism, it will be easy to understand.

We cannot change necessity. It is natural, but we can recognize the inevitability.

When we recognize this external inevitability, we will gain an ethical peace in our hearts.

When we accept those things that cannot be changed, we should stop thinking about it in our minds and treat it as a default value. If

you think about it for a second more, it is a waste of time.

Our minds should be freed up on things that can be changed and done well.

For example, if you lose your mobile phone after you go out, you can't find it.

Originally, you were going out with us. As a result, at the dinner party with friends , you have always been brooding over the matter of throwing your mobile phone, and you have been nagging at the whole time to make a bad face to the friends attending the party.

The unfortunate thing of throwing your mobile phone has already happened.

Time cannot be turned back, and you cannot change it.

Instead of making a bad face the whole time, you can attract friends. Friends, why

not forget about this unchangeable thing and go down to share a cup of tea with your friends, chatting and laughing.

Let me give you an example of my own: a friend asked me how you overcome the anxiety caused by the uncertainty of traffic in the self-media industry?

I just think that the topic for the next issue is particularly good.

I have been busy researching information, writing, filming, and editing.

I have been busy for half a month and a month, and I have released a program that I think is very good. I

am full of confidence that this program will definitely become popular.

But as soon as it was online, I found that not many people watched it . Oh, I regret that.

. Oh, I regret that.

I wish I had chosen this topic in the first place. It would be nice to adjust it a little here.

Oops, if I had put this joke at the beginning, maybe the number of views would have increased by 100,000. I

just left it there for internal consumption . But the program that has been released cannot be changed.

. But the program that has been released cannot be changed.

So my friend asked me how I can overcome this kind of anxiety and regret.

The answer I gave is the next episode of the program the next One , we are not just doing this program.

Don’t think about the programs that are already on the shelves.

There are a lot of reminders in the private message.

I have to choose the topics for the next issue quickly, but there are many people spending all day long on the projects that have already been on the shelves and have been negotiated. If I hadn’t said those words to my girlfriend in the relationship that had already ended, we wouldn’t have broken up, and I would have been feeling regretful and internally frustrated all day long . But either you have to pursue her back in vain

. But either you have to pursue her back in vain , or the whole thing is over, and you can’t change your life, brother. moves on

life, brother. moves on What else are you thinking about?

Well, Stoicism requires us to distinguish between things that can be controlled and things that cannot be controlled.

Speaking of which, I would like to interrupt this program about Stoicism. It was originally our membership program, but now I have changed this paid membership program into a free program and released it.

It can be regarded as giving viewers and friends a taste of our paid membership program. What kind of free big-question program is it ? I try my best not to include private goods and try my best to not have my personal opinions.

? I try my best not to include private goods and try my best to not have my personal opinions.

It is a philosopher's theory and has no direct use for life. It is more of an intellectual entertainment.

But our paid membership program is more about my personal thinking and learning experience to share with everyone.

It is useful to our lives.

I hope to bring some practical help and inspiration to everyone's lives.

I mainly use philosophical thinking to help us live better.

Well, after the program description, let's talk about another mental method of Stoicism, distinguishing between inner and outer.

Stoicism teaches us to distinguish between things that can be controlled and things that cannot be controlled.

Then based on this model, we can further distinguish between two worlds , that is, the uncontrollable outer world and the controllable inner world.

The outer world is difficult to control, so no matter how the world changes, no matter what happens to you, Bad luck or good results, whether you become a general manager or successfully pursue the opposite sex, these encounters that the external world brings to us are difficult for us to control, so what we need to do is, no matter whether the ending is good or bad, we accept it calmly and go

with the flow, maintain inner peace, and be unfazed by favors and humiliations.

What kind of encounters the external world will bring to us is difficult to control, but there is one thing that we can completely control ourselves. What we mainly control is how our hearts view and evaluate these external encounters.

For example, if your investment fails and you lose a large amount of savings, this is something that happened externally.

What about your internal view?

You can blame yourself or blame bad luck for a long time, but you can also regard this failure as an opportunity to learn and accumulate experience.

You tell yourself, "This loss has made me understand investment more clearly."

"I will manage my assets more carefully next time." Another example is that you proposed a new plan at a team meeting but was criticized by the leader in public and pointed out the shortcomings of the plan.

This is what happened externally.

What about your inner view?

You can choose to be depressed, self-doubt , or fall into a victim complex . Resent that the leader is deliberately targeting you.

But you can also choose to view the leader's criticism from a positive perspective. Doing is an opportunity for growth. Tell yourself,

"The leader's criticism lets me know how to do better next time."

Then some people may say that we can't change the changes in the world , but we can adjust our view of the world .

Isn't this the "Spiritual Victory Method" of Ah Q written by Lu Xun ? We are just shy and don't really do things.

? We are just shy and don't really do things.

On the contrary, maintaining a peaceful attitude is conducive to us getting things done. We

must know that the ups and downs in our mentality will make us worry about gains and losses when doing things. Being timid

will affect our performance.

For example, if you are chasing a girl , you will worry about gains and losses every day. Will she like me ? Will she reject me?

? Will she reject me?

Then you will be troubled by these uncertainties. Worrying about gains and losses makes you grovel like a licking dog and often get nervous.

Sometimes you will be passionate, and sometimes you will burst into tears.

In the middle of the night, you will send people short essays by Sartre and Lacan.

This is very crazy.

On the contrary, it is easy to be rejected.

You should forget that you want to chase the other person. This result

is something you can't control.

Will she like you? This is something you can't control.

Say it again. Don't even think about things you can't control. Think about it, you only need to focus on the things you can control , which is to be neither humble nor arrogant, do what you can do, and show the best side of yourself.

And when you chase her, you need to keep a calm mind.

It can even be said that you chase her coldly and ruthlessly.

Go on a date coldly and ruthlessly. Hold her little hand coldly and ruthlessly.

There is no ripple in your heart . If you don't catch her in the end, you won't catch her.

. If you don't catch her in the end, you won't catch her.

If you really catch her, you will just smile and never twitch!

When we do things, we don’t need to worry about gains and losses.

We make our action plan and then execute it coldly and ruthlessly like a robot.

Just execute it mindlessly. Whether

the thing will be successful in the end is not something our brains need to care about.

This is the same as when we do work.

How does the leader have one idea a day? I can’t control it. I don’t care.

But what I can control is what I do at hand. I can try my best to do my best every time in this job.

The leader may be nervous and not recognize it this time, but you always deliver the work that you can control at a high level.

There is a probability that you will be recognized in the end.

The same principle applies to athletes participating in competitions.

The ending of the competition is whether you lose or win. When you participate in the competition, don’t think about this matter in your mind.

You cannot control this matter . All you can do is pay attention to my current technology. Did my movements

. All you can do is pay attention to my current technology. Did my movements perform to the level they should have?

I tried my best to play a beautiful game.

Don’t think about the uncontrollable results , which will help us win better results.

Don’t care whether the final uncontrollable results are good or bad.

We just need to do the best we can.

This is what our old Chinese saying goes. It’s good to do your best and let fate . Now we have learned

goes. It’s good to do your best and let fate . Now we have learned to distinguish controllable things from uncontrollable things . Now that we have learned how to distinguish the inner world and external encounters, we can also apply this set of mental methods to the handling of interpersonal relationships, that is, to distinguish between our own issues and other people's issues . Interpersonal relationships are really something that consumes a lot of our energy.

. Interpersonal relationships are really something that consumes a lot of our energy.

It can be said that most of our mental internal consumption is spent on interpersonal relationships.

Psychologist Adler said that all people's troubles stem from interpersonal relationships.

For example, does my partner love me or not?

Does the leader recognize me in his heart?

Will the child listen to me or not?

Just sit there all day long worrying about how others view you.

Do you think you spend a lot of time on these things every day?

In fact, the mentality of Stoicism can also help us overcome mental internal friction in interpersonal relationships.

There is a concept in psychology called subject separation.

Subject separation was proposed by the psychologist Adler, which means that we must distinguish between two types of subjects when interacting with others.

The topic is also the task, which means that we have to distinguish between what is my topic and what is other people’s topic.

I am only responsible for doing my task well , and others are only responsible for doing their tasks well.

This is actually the same mentality as the Stoicism we just mentioned to distinguish between controllable and uncontrollable.

For example, if your child doesn't study well all day long and refuses to change despite repeated admonitions , then this is his problem .

If he doesn't study well and can't get into a good university and can't find a good job, he has to bear the responsibility himself. You don't have to worry about it.

Of course, this doesn't mean that as a parent, you don't care about your children. Rather

, it means that in order for your children to learn well, you need to do a good job in the tasks you have to do , such as providing a relatively convenient learning environment , such as providing necessary financial support , such as spending time to supervise the children in doing homework, etc. This is your task and you must ensure that you can do it and do your best. Personnel affairs

, and the rest is not your subject, it is your child's own subject.

Children and grandchildren will have their own blessings.

If your children still do not study well after you have done your subject well, then this is not something you can control.

For example, if you are pursuing the opposite sex, you need to know what topics you need to do . For example, Show goodwill and sincerity,

. For example, Show goodwill and sincerity, often send out invitations, invite others to go out for dinner and watch movies , and then provide some emotional value.

Of course, this varies from person to person. This means that if you actively pursue others

person. This means that if you actively pursue others , you must do what you can and need to do.

In addition, That's the other person's topic.

If you finish all the topics you want to do in this way, and the other person still doesn't like you, then don't worry about it. Then forget it and choose the next topic.

In short, it comes back to the same sentence, distinguish between things you can control and things you can't control.

Happy life Life is about paying attention to the things you can control and trying to improve them.

Accept the things you can't control.

Don't get upset about them and forget about them. At this point, I will recite Niebuhr's "Serenity Prayer" to encourage you.

about them. At this point, I will recite Niebuhr's "Serenity Prayer" to encourage you.

God, please grant me peace so that I can accept the things I cannot change.

Please grant me the courage so that I can change the things I can change.

Please grant me the wisdom so that I can distinguish the difference between the above two.

We can even say that whether we will live a happy life is beyond our control, because according to Aristotle, a happy life also depends on some external goods, that is, some factors of luck.

Luck is fickle and uncontrollable, but what we can control is to control ourselves. Build yourself into a better and better version of yourself.

Because we become better, we can be more powerful in facing the vagaries of the external world.

I hope that this member program of ours about using Stoicism to overcome mental internal friction can help you become a better self.

In the next member program, we will share how to avoid falling into the victim mentality.

Welcome to subscribe to our member videos and let philosophical thinking help us create a better self!