3 Ways to Set Smarter New Year’s Resolutions

A lot of people make New Year's resolutions. How many people actually do

resolutions. How many people actually do New Year's resolutions? About half of Americans. Between a third and a half of

Americans. Between a third and a half of Americans. About 22% of them have failed

Americans. About 22% of them have failed within 1 week. About 50% have failed within 3 months. And 81% have failed within 2 years. That is to say that most

people fail quickly. And for the big overwhelming majority, the habits they're trying to create are not permanent. What do most New Year's

permanent. What do most New Year's resolutions have in common that actually leads to their likelihood of being unsuccessful?

The answer is they tend to be negative.

What we really want is how to make better resolutions that are more likely to succeed. And I've got the data to

to succeed. And I've got the data to tell you exactly how to get this done.

There are three steps.

Hey friends, welcome to office hours.

I'm Arthur Brooks. Happy new year almost. Maybe you're watching this

almost. Maybe you're watching this before the new year. Maybe you're

watching this after the new year. And

this is the New Year's episode. New

year, new you. More happiness. I want to tell you today about New Year's resolutions, why they fail, how they they can succeed, and what are the New Year's resolutions that if they succeed

will bring you the most happiness. So my

goal today is to give you better resolutions and the protocols that will lead you to more resolution success.

Let's see what we do here and let's see if you can actually have a better year in 2026 because you are trying to improve yourself. Now, how do I know you

improve yourself. Now, how do I know you want to improve yourself? You're

watching or listening to office hours.

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let's get started on what we're trying to do here today. A lot of people make New Year's resolutions. Um I always used to be kind of against it. Like it's so dumb. Like why why isn't any particular

dumb. Like why why isn't any particular day it's so arbitrary. Why January 1?

And the truth of it is that that this is a this is an ancient right. New Year's

Day actually goes back to the ancient Romans. January is named for Janus, the

Romans. January is named for Janus, the the two-headed god. And in January, they would make a resolution to to the god, the two-faced god, that they would be better in the coming year. And the

belief is that that would give them, you know, better luck. Whether it did or not, it sort of depends on whether or not they were good at the resolutions, per se. It's sort of superstitious in

per se. It's sort of superstitious in this way, but it doesn't have to be. My

point being, however, that this is a venerable tradition. This isn't just

venerable tradition. This isn't just some sort of goofy self-improvement manifesting type of thing. This goes way back to the idea that there's certain points on the calendar, January 1st,

your birthday, your 30th birthday, whatever it happens to be, where you can mark that as the beginning of a a a moment of forward progress that you can chart in your life. And and there's the

reason that people do that is because it it tends to kind of work. Um there's a lot about that. People will often say that I started doing something really positive in my life and they they it

wasn't just an arbitrary Thursday in in March that wasn't related to anything on the calendar. It generally speaking had

the calendar. It generally speaking had to do with something that was momentous, something that had had meaning to them.

Um you find, for example, that on the nines and on the zeros on birthdays, there's a lot of research on this.

People do all sorts of weird things.

They're more likely to run half marathons when they when like on at 59 and at 60. They're also unfortunately more likely to engage in extrammarital affairs because they're sort of like my

life, you know, they're taking stock on all these types of things. We're going

to keep this on the positive side on the resolutions that you make to be actual better person. And and we're going to

better person. And and we're going to talk about the New Year's resolutions in particular, but again, everything I say here could be your birthday resolution, can be your whatever resolution. This is

how you can be better at wanting to make a positive change in your life. Now,

what do most New Year's resolutions have in common that actually leads to their likelihood of being unsuccessful?

The answer is they tend to be negative.

Even if they're couched as positive, they tend to be fundamentally negative, which is to say that they are an avoidance goal. There's two kinds of

avoidance goal. There's two kinds of goals in life. There's approach goals and and avoidance goals. That's just how people in my business as professional social scientists, they have to put, you know, words that don't sound intuitive

on something because that's how we get tenure. Friends, approach goals means

tenure. Friends, approach goals means obviously you're going towards something and that's positive. Avoidance goals are that you're going away from something.

That's negative. A lot of New Year's resolutions, even if you couch it in positive language, they're fundamentally negative. They're avoidance goals. So,

negative. They're avoidance goals. So,

for example, you say, "I want to eat better." And what you're trying to do is

better." And what you're trying to do is to to avoid bad health. And and usually it's to lose weight. You know why why do you want to eat fewer sweets is what it comes down to. Because you you want to

avoid having a bad blood test with your lipid profiles, you know, your large particle LDL, whatever. Or or you just want to lose weight. That's really an avoidance goal. People talk about, you

avoidance goal. People talk about, you know, wanting to be more focused in their work. They want to procrastinate

their work. They want to procrastinate less because it's actually bad for their work and they feel bad about themselves.

It's like, I'm going to I want to save more money. Actually, what you want to

more money. Actually, what you want to do is spend less. you're trying to improve, get rid of these bad habits.

So, these these negative goals that people actually have. I want to stop doing a thing I don't like. I want to break a bad habit. That's what most of these things have in common. And these

avoidance goals, they tend to be hard.

And and I'll talk to you in a minute why avoidance goals, they tend to be especially hard for us. Let's get into the data about the fact that they're not that successful. There's a terrific

that successful. There's a terrific psychologist at um University of Scranton in Pennsylvania, Norcross, who has been done he's sort of the the world's leading expert on um on New

Year's resolutions. I mean, we all, you

Year's resolutions. I mean, we all, you know, pick off this sort of part of the universe. His stuff is so great on this.

universe. His stuff is so great on this.

And there's a a really interesting article I'll put in the in the show notes in the Journal of Clinical Psychology. It goes back a few years,

Psychology. It goes back a few years, about 20 years old now, but it's called Success Predictors, Change Processes, and Self-reported Outcomes of New Year's resolvers and non-resolvers. And this is sort of the canonical source of data,

but all the data that come together and and here's basically what it comes down to. A little over 20% of people have

to. A little over 20% of people have failed in their New Year's resolutions by the end of one week. Oh, one data point before that. How many people actually do New Year's resolutions?

About half of Americans. Between a third and a half of Americans actually have New Year's resolutions. About 22% of them have failed within one week. About

50% have failed within 3 months. And 81%

have failed within 2 years. That is to say that most people fail quickly. And

for most people, for the big overwhelming majority, four and five, the habits they're trying to create are not permanent or the habits they're trying to break, the breaking of a habit is not permanent, which is sort of grim.

I mean, that's one of the reasons that that gyms gym membership goes through the roof like bonkers at the beginning of the year. And that's one of the reasons that your gym will will take way

more memberships than it could possibly deal with. And that's the reason that

deal with. And that's the reason that you probably don't like going to the the gym the first week of January if you're a gym rat like me. Uh it one of the main reasons I first put a gym in my house in the first place, you know, when I didn't

have the space or the money to do so was because January was so horrible. I mean,

I couldn't get a good workout in. Like I

like to work out every single day. And

you go to the gym and it's crazy. People

don't know how to use the equipment and and every machine is in use. But don't

worry, wait around. You know, by February 1st, things are really great.

by, you know, March, it's back to its old self. Your gym actually has sold way

old self. Your gym actually has sold way more memberships than it can possibly accommodate, knowing that most people are not going to be using their gym memberships. They're just, you know, the

memberships. They're just, you know, the triumph of hope and these avoidance goals of, you know, trying to not, you know, be so unhealthy all the time, trying not to feel lazy or whatever it happens to be that they're trying to do

to change themselves in this fundamentally negative way. So, why do they fail? And and this really gets back

they fail? And and this really gets back to this there's this literature, great psych literature on avoidance versus approach goals. But there's two big

approach goals. But there's two big reasons that these avoidance goals, negative goals, why a negative goals work less well than positive goals.

Number one is that negative motivation, well, it's negative. And when you're focusing all the time on something that's negative, that's that's that's basically unpleasant. you know, when

basically unpleasant. you know, when you're thinking all the time like, you know, I I want to go to the gym more and I want to I I want to stop eating junk food because I don't like the way that I look, you're going to be kind of going

this, you know, ruminating on the negative and your life again and again and again and again. And and what what we find is that the this negativity, it's really good for getting you to get up off the couch, but it's really bad

over the even medium term for keeping you motivated. You don't stay motivated

you motivated. You don't stay motivated by negative stuff. This is one of the reasons that you find that you can negatively motivate your children very quickly, but you can't sustain it. You

can negatively motivate your spouse, but over the long run, it doesn't work at all. Well, the same thing is true for

all. Well, the same thing is true for you because you're the most important manager of yourself. You are the most important relationship that you're trying to lead. And so therefore, avoidance goals are not good for you

either. They just they're not motivating

either. They just they're not motivating is the way that that works. You'll say,

"Yeah, that got me to the gym totally. I

don't want to look so crummy. I don't

want to feel so crummy. But a week later, you're like, I don't want to be thinking about the negative things in my life all the time. That's exhausting.

It's not fun. And so, you don't. And you

rebel against the negativity. You're

rebelling against your own negativity.

And that's why you've fallen away from these goals. That's the first reason.

these goals. That's the first reason.

The second reason that that avoidance goals are not great is because the thing that you're running away from is actually something you like. There's an

immediate gratification that's involved and you can stay away from your immediate gratification through willpower for a while, but you usually can't rely on your willpower for very long. There's a whole lot of these

long. There's a whole lot of these really interesting studies on the futility of willpower that I love. I

mean, people who will, you know, they'll put their hand in ice cold water and the longer they hold it there through their willpower, the worse they are at being able to resist eating some sweets like a

cookie. So that you'll go into the

cookie. So that you'll go into the experiment and the experimental will ask you, "Do you want to eat this cookie?"

And you'll be like, "No, I'm on a diet."

And and besides, it's 10 o'clock in the morning. I'm not going to eat this great

morning. I'm not going to eat this great big chocolate chip cookie. And you say, "Great." And and you won't, by the way,

"Great." And and you won't, by the way, even though the cookie is sitting right in front of you. But if you dip your hand in this water and hold it in there through sheer willpower, your willpower will will wear out like a muscle. And

after a couple of minutes, you pull your hand out and you'll eat the cookie because willpower is willpower. You

can't keep it in in place that long.

What you really need to change is your habits. You can't be relying on your

habits. You can't be relying on your willpower. And your willpower is really

willpower. And your willpower is really a lot about what people are doing with their avoidance goals and their New Year's resolutions. And there's an

Year's resolutions. And there's an immediate gratification of things that will overpower willpower in the long run is what we find. So those two things are working together. And that's these are

working together. And that's these are the big reasons that these negative goals lead to failure in relatively short order. So, we want to figure out

short order. So, we want to figure out how to get past that, and we will because I'm going to show you the three things to do to have better goals and

more success along the way. Now, there's

another force, by the way, besides just negativity and and and gratification that actually sabotages your goals, and that's forces outside you. And there's

really interesting studies from the early 2000s when when people using data from the ' 60s, '7s, ' 80s, and 90s, that's when people used to smoke a lot

more. I smoked until 1991

more. I smoked until 1991 until March 25th, 1991 at at 700 a.m. in

the morning um and 30 seconds. Uh not

that I'm counting and not that I missed cigarettes every single day or that they were kind of part of the meaning of my life. And I remember, you know, during

life. And I remember, you know, during those years that there's a weird thing on television and in advertising.

Advertising from cigarette industries picked up in January and February. And

the reason is according to a pretty interesting study from 2000 called cigarette advertising to counter New Year's resolutions in the Journal of Health Communication that I'll put in the put in the show notes that they were

actually ramping up their their advertising according to these researchers. This is not my assertion.

researchers. This is not my assertion.

This is according to these researchers to counteract Commander's resolution not smoking anymore. Uh which is pretty

smoking anymore. Uh which is pretty interesting. Um maybe that's the reason

interesting. Um maybe that's the reason that I quit smoking in March instead of January and February. But there's also sabotage besides that that we actually see at a more personal level. It's not

limited to tobacco companies. There's

really interesting stuff. I'm going to find an article and put this in the show notes that your spouse might be sabotaging your self-improvement efforts. Um, and this is a really common

efforts. Um, and this is a really common thing where a spouse is trying to break a bad habit that the other spouse engages in and the the spouse that's not breaking the habit sabotages the

improvement spouse because it makes the person who still engage in the bad habit feel crummy is the way that that works.

So, so you know, for example, if you know you and your spouse are couch potatoes and you want to start going to the gym and your spouse doesn't want to and you're going to the gym, they're going to say, "Come on, just stay home.

You know, you're tired. just one day.

This is super super common. This is a super common kind of joint metacognition between couples that we see or you know parents will do it to their kids, friends will do it to each other. You

know if you stop drinking when I didn't drink I had friends who was like really you kidding me? Come on one you know. Um I had people wanted me to

you know. Um I had people wanted me to smoke too after I quit smoking. I said

are you kidding me? I smoke one I'm going to smoke for the rest of my life.

And yet I had friends who you know wanted me to do that. So sabotage is actually really really common with weight loss and something because your self-improvement efforts make other

people feel lousy about themselves actually. So one little moral side when

actually. So one little moral side when you're trying to do something don't morally lord it over other people.

Number one because you might fail in your resolution and feel stupid but number two because that's actually not helpful to anybody else. Okay? So that's

why your resolutions are failing. They

usually have failed. you probably

frustrated and now we know the reason.

These are the three big reasons that they actually fail. What we really want is how to make better resolutions that are more likely to succeed. And I've got the data to tell you exactly how to get

this done. There are three steps. These

this done. There are three steps. These

are the three resolution protocols, my friends. How to have the best positive

friends. How to have the best positive resolutions that are most likely to succeed and help you meet your goals.

Number one, make your resolutions positive, not negative. Number two is actually have tiny goals that are progressive as opposed to huge goals that are sudden. And number three is if

you're gonna have negative goals, make them the right negative goals. So I'll

show you exactly the characteristics of the right negative goals. Okay? So step

one, make your goals positive. Instead

of eat less junk to lose weight, talk about eating better. actually figure out what eating in a more nutritious and delicious and healthy way actually looks

like. And the way to do that actually is

like. And the way to do that actually is instead of saying I'm not going to eat this, I'm not going to eat this. And put

all this stuff on forbidden list. That's

the short way to you know to develop if you're successful in eating disorder and you know so maybe it's even better if you're not successful at lots of data on that show that people who go on very

restrictive diets if they're successful something like 25 to 30% of those people go on to develop eating disorders why because they want progress in this way and they develop a really unhealthy

relationship toward food which is not this not this not this the better way to do it is to crowd out bad habits by doing something better and more wonderful ful. So, one of the things

wonderful ful. So, one of the things that I recommend to a lot of people if they want to eat better is they take a course in nutrition and they take classes in how to how to cook. A lot of people just don't know how to cook. And

that's a that's a fun thing. You'll

actually meet good people that you actually like. And you belong to a

actually like. And you belong to a community that's dedicated to this.

You'll make new friends. You'll

associate friendship with actually eating better. And you can see that

eating better. And you can see that that's an approach goal, not an avoidance goal. So, eating better,

avoidance goal. So, eating better, that's one way to do it. Exercising more

to see that you can actually feel good.

And what I recommend is exercise goals that are not so you you hate your body less, but doing things so you like the effect more. And that really comes from

effect more. And that really comes from starting with exercise. And I had an exercise episode. We'll put that in the

exercise episode. We'll put that in the show notes so you can go back and watch that. So that you feel better. You feel

that. So that you feel better. You feel

better about yourself and your body actually feels better. And the right kind of exercise will actually do that.

So, I recommend, for example, starting with four bouts of exercise a week for the first six weeks and doing the same kind of uh zone 2 cardio just to get into the point where you're actually

your body feels better. It's like, I like this. It's not that I I hate myself

like this. It's not that I I hate myself less, it's that I like how I feel more.

You get the point on that. And then

actually, you can get more exotic about that as you go on, which is an important thing to do. Or you're doing something that's team oriented. you're actually

doing a sport or you're doing something that actually makes you feel tougher and makes you feel stronger, but it really should be for you. If you're actually doing something with your exercise so

that you feel like you're displeasing other people less or it's really about it extrinsically about other people, that's a that's a that's a negative motivation. That's an avoidance motiv

motivation. That's an avoidance motiv motivation. This should be something

motivation. This should be something that's actually better for you getting started working as opposed to stop procrastinating. You know, I'm going to

procrastinating. You know, I'm going to I'm going to make these goals. So, I

dive into something and I'm going to put my todo to list together the night before each day and I'm going to lay my work out and I'm actually going to start with some really, really generative leisure. What is that? Starting with

leisure. What is that? Starting with

chilling out. No, no, no, no. There's a

future episode coming out on how to do leisure really, really well. Having that

on your to-do list, making sure that the work that you that requires most creativity and generativity, that's that's highest up on your list. and and

making these goals positive as opposed to negative, beating yourself up over procrastination, trying to do it through through sheer willpower. Saving money is a really important example of this as opposed to wasting money and going into

debt. Saving money, having positive

debt. Saving money, having positive saving goals as opposed to having negative non-conumption goals is a really important thing to do. Seeing

money actually going into your account as opposed to simply thinking about how you can not be such a spend thrift.

That's an important way that you can actually turn negative into positive. So

make positive goals. That's a a first part of the protocol. And almost

everything that you do can can be given that kind of that that twist upside down. I will talk about negative goals

down. I will talk about negative goals in a second because negative goals can be really awesome, but you got to do them in a particular way. That's

protocol number one. Protocol number two is tiny goals. Now, there's a great book that some of you may have read. I'll put

it in the show notes. It's called Tiny Habits by BJ Fog out at out out at Stanford. Um, which is a little known

Stanford. Um, which is a little known university in Peloto, California. And BJ

Fog talks about the fact that that like micro goals are are the best way micro habits are the best way to to turn into these real goals. And so your resolution

at the at the, you know, at the macro level, at the at the meta level might be to be doing something like get in shape, but that's not the goal that you should be focused on at all. You can actually

break it up into daily, weekly, monthly versions of your New Year's resolution to start with, you know, five push-ups a day, 20 minutes of walking, 10 minutes of walking, depending on where you're

actually starting out, a micro habit, these tiny habits, and breaking up your New Year's resolutions into tiny resolutions as as well. That's the way to do it because that is so I mean the

neurocognitively much sounder approach to actually changing the the patterns that you're building up in the nuclear ccumbents of of your brain. That's the

way to do it is working with these tiny habits as opposed to going to these resolutions like save the world. Yeah.

No no no no no. Say something nice to somebody on the subway today whatever it happens to be. And those tiny habits will stand you in go in goodstead. That

means, for example, I'm gonna I'm gonna eat better. Well, what I'm going to do

eat better. Well, what I'm going to do is I'm going to figure out how to have a really healthy breakfast. And you want to know what the healthy breakfast is that I like? Go back to my morning protocols and you'll see that that's a

cup and a half to two cups of of non-fat unflavored Greek yogurt with whey protein powder, berries, and um and walnuts. And to start your day that way,

walnuts. And to start your day that way, and you start it, you'll like it, by the way. It's completely delicious. And

way. It's completely delicious. And

that's the one good goal. They'll say,

"I'm going to eat perfectly every day for the entire 2026." That's insanity.

That's a willpower goal that you're not.

And then it's going to be broken almost immediately for all the reasons I've talked about before. This is the way to actually get that done. One good meal.

And the best one is actually breakfast.

I'm going to start saving money. I'm

going to start saving 10 bucks a week and then I'm going to go to 20 bucks a week and then I'm going to go to $40 a week. Before you know it, you're going

week. Before you know it, you're going to be saving a billion dollars a week.

Okay, you get my point. Micro goals are the way to actually do this. Micro

resolutions is protocol number two.

Protocol number three, if you're going to have negative goals, here's the right way to have negative goals. The right

way to have negative goals is to actually stop doing things you hate.

Now, that might seem completely counterintuitive, like why would I stop doing something if I hate it? I would

already not be doing it. Well, that's

completely wrong. That's actually wrong.

There's a bunch of stuff that you shouldn't be doing that you hate. and

that you're doing and there's a lot of psychology about why you're doing that.

You might be doing it because you become really path dependent because it's something that you haven't questioned maybe for years and years and years.

Maybe it's something that you feel pressured in doing. But you need to set up and I would strongly recommend this.

Your life's going to improve so much if you have resolutions to stop doing things that you shouldn't be doing that you actually hate. This is going to take a little bit more imagination. I'm going

to give you three examples of three things that you're probably doing and that you probably don't like and they're lowering your happiness that you should stop doing today. And these are small things, but these are going to have a

really tangible effect. These are great resolutions. Number one, believe it or

resolutions. Number one, believe it or not, stop looking in the mirror before you leave the house in the morning.

Seriously, stop looking in the mirror.

So, let me give you an example. I had a I had somebody who worked on my back when I lived in Boston. If you see me shifting my chair sometimes, it's because I have pain in L4, L5, and L5 and S1. And I've got a great spine

and S1. And I've got a great spine doctor in in in Virginia where I live now. But when I was in Massachusetts, I

now. But when I was in Massachusetts, I had a guy who worked on my back every week. And he did physical therapy. He

week. And he did physical therapy. He

was fantastic. He was nice and he was skilled and he was just a great guy. And

I asked him, "How'd you get into this and how'd you get so good at this?" And

he said, "I had a major life transformation." I said, "What do you

transformation." I said, "What do you mean?" He said, "Well, I used to be a

mean?" He said, "Well, I used to be a fitness influencer." Like, what's that?

fitness influencer." Like, what's that?

I mean, I kind of know what that is. I

mean, that's you, you know, today that would mean that you, you know, you take your shirt off and show your abs on Instagram. Don't worry, I'm not going to

Instagram. Don't worry, I'm not going to do that. And um, nobody needs that. And

do that. And um, nobody needs that. And

you're selling supplements and exercise programs and all that. And and he was doing that for a long time. And I said, "Was it fun?" He said, "No, I hated it.

I was super miserable. I was completely miserable. I never ate what I wanted for

miserable. I never ate what I wanted for 10 years. And you know, I was always

10 years. And you know, I was always worried about how I looked and and and it was just misery. I was so unhappy and I I had to stop. But I I I didn't know how to stop. And I said, "So, what did

you do?" And he said, "I finally got fed

you do?" And he said, "I finally got fed up." And I, you know, I I I got rid of

up." And I, you know, I I I got rid of my social media and I resolved I was going to become a different person. But

the first thing that I did was I took every mirror out of my apartment. All of

them. All of the mirrors gone. Bathroom,

bedroom, closet, all of it. All no more mirrors. I said, "Really?" He said,

mirrors. I said, "Really?" He said, "Yeah." And and then he said, "I I I

"Yeah." And and then he said, "I I I showered in the dark for a year, so I couldn't see my own abs."

And he said, "I was cured and then I went to physical therapy school and I studied acupuncture and I'm in this new way of life and my life is just so much better." Just so much better. Okay, now

better." Just so much better. Okay, now

that's a insane goal for you. Maybe,

although maybe not. But here's the micro version of this. That's the positive negative that I'm talking about here.

The first thing that we do first thing in the morning is look in the mirror and go I mean if you're like me like I got a face for radio friends. It's like h yeah

bald. I mean there's something about you

bald. I mean there's something about you that you don't like and you're reminded of it and you're probably beating yourself up about it. Here's this tiny goal that you can actually engage in.

Don't look in the mirror just in the morning. I mean, look, you if you've got

morning. I mean, look, you if you've got hair, well, I'm hopelessly jealous of you, but you know, it's more or less okay. It's not like on backwards. It's

okay. It's not like on backwards. It's

just it's fine. And and go out in the morning, try this for a week. Go out in the morning without looking in the mirror. You will psychologically be in a

mirror. You will psychologically be in a different place than you were before because you're actually starting to break a little habit that you didn't like that was actually probably lowering

your happiness. and that you don't have

your happiness. and that you don't have to do. You will find that you don't have

to do. You will find that you don't have to do it. Now, there's other kinds of mirrors. These are they're metaphorical

mirrors. These are they're metaphorical mirrors in your life as well. Your

social media notifications are a form of mirror. Don't look at any social media

mirror. Don't look at any social media notifications before noon. So, it's a morning protocol is not doing that.

Really, really important thing. And your

life is going to be better and you're not going to know why. Here's why.

Because you have started to break a negative habit that you didn't like and you don't have to do. That's number one.

So, that's mirrors. That's first idea.

Second idea, stop reading politics in the first half of the day. Stop. Stop.

Stop. I mean, I I got the data, man. I

got the data. So, according to the Pew Pew Research Center, which is this gold standard data on American life, there's just two or three sources of data that will will survey Americans every year.

One of them is Pew, great organization.

65% of Americans today say that they're exhausted always or often about politics. Do you want to start your day

politics. Do you want to start your day by feeling exhausted? You will probably almost seven and 10 likelihood you will if you start by looking at politics. And

guess what? I have news friends. You

don't have to. You don't have to. The

world won't stop and you won't be a worse citizen if you don't look at political news on social media or in the newspaper for the first half of the day.

So don't do it. And your life is actually going to start to change because it's not something that you like. I have a crystal ball. You don't

like. I have a crystal ball. You don't

like it. It's true. By the way, what percent say they feel excited about politics?

4%. So, one in 25 of you don't take this advice. The rest of you, a and you don't

advice. The rest of you, a and you don't have to do it. You absolutely don't have to. So, that's the second thing to stop

to. So, that's the second thing to stop doing. And once you stop, you're going

doing. And once you stop, you're going to be out of the habit. By the way, the reason that you do that is because you've been productized by the media and political establishment have told you that you need to look at it to be

properly informed as a citizen. And

that's actually built up these dopamine pathways in your brain and the outrage industrial complex and the reactivity that you've got. And there's the the neurobiology is actually feeding into

the technology and and you're the product when you're doing this. Rage

against the machine, friends. Join me in rebelling and breaking that habit, that negative habit that actually brings you down. As a matter of fact, here's the

down. As a matter of fact, here's the third one. Don't look at your device at

third one. Don't look at your device at all for the first hour. That's one of my morning protocols if you'll remember is don't look at your device for the first hour because it captures your brain. And

again, I'm not going to ask you to not look at your device for the whole day, but don't look at your device for the first hour of the day. And it's it will actually set your psychology, which is

of course involved in your neurobiology to have a happier, more productive day.

That's what Ryan Holidayiday talks about. It's really interesting because

about. It's really interesting because most of the research today, it talks about devices in the last hour of the day, not the first hour of the day. So

this is a new area that that researchers have just started to look at. So this is not something that has all this empirical backing yet. Not because it it's not supported, but because there's nobody's actually done the experiments on this. Do the experiment on yourself

on this. Do the experiment on yourself and I promise you you're going to like it. Ryan Holidayiday, my friend who's

it. Ryan Holidayiday, my friend who's been on the show and who talks about stoicism. He's he's a a contemporary

stoicism. He's he's a a contemporary philosopher in the stoic tradition. It's

phenomenal. He doesn't look at his device for the first hour of the day and he believes it's really rewired his brain. I believe the same thing is true.

brain. I believe the same thing is true.

make it part of your protocols. Remember

onethird of people say that their device is more of a leash than a source of freedom. That's that's once again those

freedom. That's that's once again those those are Pew data. Onethird Now that's important to keep in mind because you know my device sets me free for all sorts of things. If it's more of a leash

than a source of freedom that's a big problem. You can make it more of a

problem. You can make it more of a source of freedom for your life than a leash for you if you take that first hour and break that first habit. that

you don't even like. All right, one more quick idea before we finish out this episode. This is one big thing that I

episode. This is one big thing that I bet you can have as a positive 2026 protocol. This is something I'm

2026 protocol. This is something I'm going to do a whole show on, but I just want to wet your appetite on this. The

one thing that you can actually do today that will remarkably that's a it's a remarkably easy thing to do if you do it right. as a matter of fact that will

right. as a matter of fact that will improve your 2026 is um forgive somebody this year. Um one of the things that

this year. Um one of the things that you're hanging on to and again this falls into the category of not doing something the stop doing something that's a habit but that you hate.

There's some resentment in your life that you could probably set down and and forgiveness is funny because I've done a lot of research on forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not forgetting. I'm not

asking you to, you know, take some sort of sodium pentapol and forget or to, you know, take you to roofy yourself. That's

not what I'm talking about here. I'm

talking about taking some sort of resentment and just like, you know, stop by the side of the road and open up the car door and set it by the side of the road and then peel out like gravel

behind your the wheels of your life and just take off. Man, you actually can do that. That's probably the habit that is

that. That's probably the habit that is the most common negative habit that brings people down. And there's somebody in your life probably because most people actually have this. I mean, look,

44% of people today are estranged from at least one relative, 17% from somebody in their immediate family. When I talk to people, and in

family. When I talk to people, and in the research that I look at, and and this follows common sense as well, almost everybody's carrying this heaviness right now. Set it down. And

and again, you don't have to forget. You

don't have to be naive. It just means that you don't have to carry the resentment toward anybody else. I was

talking about this with Esther the other day because there's a couple of things that I want to set down this year and uh and she said this. Esther said this. I

mean, because she's smart. To refuse to forgive is like holding on to garbage.

It's like hugging garbage, right? Are

you hugging a bag of garbage right now?

You don't have to. Actually, I give you permission January 1st. Actually, no,

this second to actually stop hugging that nasty, stinky bag of garbage. And

uh I don't have to show you the research, although the research clearly shows that your self-esteem will improve, your hope will improve. Who

knows, maybe make a list of five people to forgive this year, or at least one big thing that you actually want to set down your own resentment. Um, this is a technique that can truly change your

life. Hope that helps. Uh let's do a

life. Hope that helps. Uh let's do a couple of quick questions and then we'll we'll stop for the year. Slightly

shorter episode. Number one from this is from Jennifer Knight. Um she asked this on YouTube.

How can we keep our personal peace and not be seen as uncaring or privileged?

The way to keep personal peace without actually ignoring ignoring other people around you is to have a a practice of transcendence. And I've talked about

transcendence. And I've talked about this in the past much much more so coming um in all the episodes upcoming on on the practice of finding meaning in your life. Transcendence means to to

your life. Transcendence means to to rise above yourself to stand in awe of something else. And we all need these

something else. And we all need these practices. I talked a minute ago about

practices. I talked a minute ago about Ryan Holidayiday and stoicism. It's a

great way to do it. You know standing in awe of the greatest composers who's ever who ever lived to bring more philosophy and spirituality into your life to start a vaposa meditation practice. For me, I,

as those of you who follow me know, I go to mass every day. I'm a Catholic.

That's a a practice of transcendence that it doesn't mean I'm uncaring. On

the contrary, I dig in more in my caring for other people's lives. But it

actually allows me to do so in a spirit of peace. That's how you need to do it

of peace. That's how you need to do it is you don't need to be separated from others. Here's the here's the paradox.

others. Here's the here's the paradox.

You need to be separated from you more.

You need to get a break from you more such that you can dig in more with with others. is more transcendence. Here's an

others. is more transcendence. Here's an

anonymous question by email.

I'm, you know, uh, good old anonymous is writing in pretty frequently these days.

How does one, uh, in pursuit of being happy in a relationship face the daunting challenge of letting go of offenses? Oh, yeah. I just talked about

offenses? Oh, yeah. I just talked about that, didn't I? One more quick thing on the idea of letting go of garbage. It's

one thing for me to say it, but it's actually kind of a harder thing to do.

So, here's one last bit on that protocol for anonymous and for me and for all of us. Visualize doing that first. Imagine

us. Visualize doing that first. Imagine

yourself not actually caring so much about something. Not forgetting, just

about something. Not forgetting, just not spending time and mental energy thinking about a source of grievance, a source of resentment, actually letting go of that. Imagine yourself saying,

"Yeah, whatevers. Whats? Somebody did me

"Yeah, whatevers. Whats? Somebody did me dirt. They did wrong to me. It's okay.

dirt. They did wrong to me. It's okay.

It's all right. I'm not going to forget it. You know, I'm not going to go back

it. You know, I'm not going to go back to that, but but I'm not going to have that actually define who I am to me."

Visualize that first. That's maybe the first step in actually taking taking the plunge into letting go of the garbage in the first place. That's all we got today. Thank you for watching this.

today. Thank you for watching this.

Happy New Year to you. Um I want you to know that I'm so grateful to you for watching office hours in 2025 and and 2026. We've got tons of cool stuff

2026. We've got tons of cool stuff coming up in 2026. Some special guests, um some expansions to what we're all about. Our audience is growing every

about. Our audience is growing every week and I'm grateful to you for that.

Um, my love and the family, my family's love to you and your family. Um, I'm

thinking about you and your resolutions.

I'll be praying for you. Please do the same for me. Let's make 2026 a beautiful, beautiful uh year for for not just for us, but especially for the people around us by lifting them up and bringing them together in bonds of

happiness and love using the science and ideas that we're talking about here and all the ideas that actually come into our heads and into our lives. Please

like and subscribe to the show. Make

sure that you keep giving me comments now and all the way through 2026. Let's

be a community together of love and happiness. See you next week.

happiness. See you next week.