Asians Rank Their Childhood Trauma

this is when my dad got diagnosed with cancer I was like 12 13 I was seeing like like my dad lose hair like very quickly through chemotherapy they blamed cancer on

me that I think [Music] that's trigger warning um this video was initially made because I wanted to I

don't know cope with dark humor but it ended up getting really really deep so in case you feel triggered by this don't watch watch

[Music] it I I think this one back try to man back all the way in the back because

from the looks of his cut and um yeah your bull cut looks traumatized wait so that's the most traumatized I think you should also go in the back too because your shoe is not looking too

bright so go in the back with him these are Crocs I know these are nice Crocs say where you guys grew up from m York I mean Brooklyn I'm from The

Bay Vancouver I'm also Vancouver Canada I'm New York from Soca wait I feel like we should finish off with the New Yorkers like I feel like you should be back let's finish off with the New Yorkers you're really aggressive you got

some how am I aggressive how am I aggressive oh sorry sorry sorry sorry I'll go you're okay I'll go no but the way Sandy just folded just now like I feel like you would be really easy to

take advantage of like I get what what like I like emotionally man ulated by someone because she hasn't gone through trauma no because she's so nice oh oh like because I can't like like talk back

I would say that about Justus too though I've never seen him not smiling sometimes the class clown has like the Deep the scars you know what I mean like Robin Williams exactly like deep inside

you know you look happy go go go no I think he's traumatized because he's too funny no one no true wait actually I agree with that because

when you laugh you kind of laugh with like pain it's like he's crying on the inside it's like it's almost like you're crying like it's like you're laughing so hard that you're almost crying first I thought this was like a compliment but I

don't know if it's a compliment anymore what's a like trauma-free laugh can you do one trauma free laugh it's like cuz it's like I that sound real painful brother all right we're going to we're

going to do a little test you guys have to hug each other all right Sandy you start start us off oh hell no I can't be hugging you man get the [ __ ] away from me know about this one nah you going to have to get the [ __ ] away from

man no we ain't hugging each other like that you crazy there's some trauma she's resisting that little intimacy issues I

don't know I don't have intimacy you didn't really get hugs like that just whoa why why why didn't you do the squeeze wait The Squeeze like I I I embraced you like you would just oh

sorry kind of hug was that wait a minute yo fans kind of traumatized that's not a sneeze ball real for real I'm not even trying to be like where okay Cena come on come here come here

come here come here come here come here we do this we do this you know I mean like like it's New York I don't think they like each

other we not hugging we not hugging bro we don't huging we not hug in our culture We Don't Hug we just we do this all right KH KH you got you guys got to do something no that's enough that shows

that the trauma oh wait yeah they can't even hug yeah there we go there we go there we go that's it what do you think about these rankings so far I think we got to switch I was G to say I think I

think a little bit more traum you have some some intimacy issues I feel like I don't have intim it was just awkward here I'll hook Sandy there that was a nice all right I'll try

with jimy okay so so I'm a creep I'm AEP you see that sh where my squeeze at I heard you how do you guys feel about this ranking so far I think this is correct I think we got to spot

him I honestly think it's not correct so what would you consider as like your most traumatizing my most traumatizing uh probably like getting molested when I was five oh hell no I go

here man I'm I'm sorry I'm so ain't nobody ever touch this ain't going to lie no I'm good were you like aware of not when I was five

but you knew afterwards and then I became aware the next time have you healed from it yeah I think I like joke about it okay we're proud of you for China for

China W therapy can everyone just say their biggest trauma okay how about you start off first this is this is where my dad got uh diagnosed with cancer oh my God

same my mom like my no why I can't no no wait wait she's trying to B okay okay I see I see what you're saying you you could dab yeah

yeah back I don't think dabbing each other up was the right way to to connect with me right there but like hey man it's how we kids cope I had a [ __ ]

grades in school I was playing video games all the time I was getting into fights in school it was all the reasons to to to to make my my my parents be disappointed at me and then they blamed

cancer on me n he [ __ ] up for that it's like oh you you you're stressing me out so like I grew a tumor huh I feel like yeah I I

don't think you you you you you get tumors like that at the time I was like 12 13 I was see like like my dad lose lose hair like very quickly through chemotherapy and I was like 12 13 it was

just so it was sad it was sad and depressing for like like a year straight I was getting bullied in school coming home to that and I was just like blame for it yeah and then the only form of

Escape was the video games yeah and that's how I got like skinny fat yeah like my player build it just like when I when I eat food it was just zero St like yeah it just goes like this and Al I was

a I was a virgin most of oh [ __ ] so we going there huh recently he's like you know maybe the

way um I I I raised you wasn't wasn't right you know I think that was a really heartwarming moment for me

because I thought he would never admit it Asian Dad specifically probably wouldn't admit that um because they they they they hold the their pride of being

a father to a very high esteem but they don't know how to be a [ __ ] father just this is their first go at it you know I'm actually very thankful for him

I I told him I was like thank you for bringing me to America I wouldn't have been where I am today if it weren't for you so thank you so much thank you

Dad what did he say he was like I I I take you anywhere son I don't care where it is in the world something along the lines of me chilled a little bit when my mom got her lung cancer like

last year she blamed that on me too I was like n cap that's cap how could I give you lung cancer right your DNA is trash like yeah I could get lung cancer from you yeah exactly I don't know

reverse that [ __ ] I said [ __ ] you're not going to blame me you going get me cancer i h out here that's why I travel cuz I'm not trying to get cancer wait are your parents okay though are they

are they okay oh yeah yeah he he's since then recovered are they recovered she fine she's eating like um what what's this thing called C see cucumbers yeah it helps all right so where do you guys want to move these two okay yeah you

last no key you you stay there all right how do we feel about where Richard's at I think he hasn't said his stories yet yeah Richard I don't know anything about you Richard I mean I think I think the biggest thing about me is um I always

just grew up like a perfectionist cuz my parents they would hella just yell at me whenever I wasn't performing well in school and and they just held really high expectations um I think some of that still kind of carries on today

whenever I'm working on projects or or just like anything creative I still have a little bit of that in me where it's like [ __ ] like I have to do this perfect but it's nothing like deathly I wasn't sent to the ER or anything no but even

if it wasn't deathly it still affected you mentally like a lot wait so have you ever been hit by like your parents hit belts hangers hands I I'll put you like in front of con cuz I heard much from

Con in front of con oh my story oh yeah con let me hear you in terms of family related my dad used to beat my mom's so there was a lot of times I would like get in the way and I get some of the you

know like stray fire straight bullets one time he used to he grabbed like a pot of boiling hot water and threw it at my mom's and then I like I like Tred to jump in the way but we both got burnt

like my pops was like in the process of you know doing the thing I cuz I have like a scar on my eye right I don't remember how I got it but I just remembered like I I was caught in like

the crossfire or some [ __ ] that was just from the family front like in school I'll say this is all my fault cuz cuz I was like an annoying [ __ ] so I got jumped a couple of times I ain't going

to lie getting jumped it's a real emasculating thing bro like that [ __ ] is not valid cuz like in New York too when one person it's a flop cuz it's like it's like cuz like there'll be like two

dudes holding you down you won be like [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah fight back [ __ ] you got six people like holding you down kicking you punching you stepping on your neck spitting on like they were

spitting on me like I don't know if you've ever been spat on bro but that's not a good feeling like like you you kind of just let there like just feeling

like ashamed when my pops saw me like that my pops would get upset cuz he'd be like yo like you supposed to be tough bro so then my pops would beat me afterwards Oh my he like slapped me but

it wouldn't be like a hard beating he like slapped me and be like why the [ __ ] are you a [ __ ] I not know that boy got beat by everyone in this world he got stomped on hey I'm being respectful he

got stomped on respectfully I would say like another moment was when I got like when I had to scrap with a homeless person I ain't going to lie that was probably the wildest moment bro in New York City yeah I was going to get Hal

food right jimy what's so funny bro cuz it's crazy cuz I I almost died too you almost died why you laughing bro y why why you laughing son you almost

died to a homeless guy what's so funny why you laughing now okay okay I'll be honest he's actually described to me in like very Vivid detail like like how that [ __ ]

went down and it really is scary but like he's fighting a homeless person we just started boxing each other and keep in mind it's raining so it's

like a [ __ ] like movie scene I'm lowkey losing cuz the guy like he got crackhead strength and he hitting me kind of hard and then eventually he gets me on the ground and he got me like in a

C I'm like in this position he's choking me out he's got his finger in my eye and he's trying to gouge my eyes out so I grabbed his hand and like I don't know maybe it was just the Panic or just the

adrenaline I like forced it off of me and just with like all I had like I like flip him back and I got him in a choke cold I push him away and then he gets up and he like bust out the knife and he's

like swinging and around I just bust out I'm like yo like why the [ __ ] do you want to what did I do to you what did I do to you and I I I I bro I kid you not and I I I really wish I was joking about

this like I really wish I was this guy said to my face you're a [ __ ] Jew I'm going to [ __ ] kill you because the jewels are trying to kill me and castrate my

balls this is what also like [ __ ] with my head well I would say a good like 6 7 feet away is a Hal cart there's people

waiting in line just seeing this happen he's like waving his knife around and then like in in my like act of desperation I just started lying yo they trying to get me too bro they [ __ ]

cut my yo we fighting in the same struggle why you coming at me bro I got one ball that's all I got left he like drops the knife and he it's just the

look of like Epiphany on his eyes he's like oh oh my God oh my God I'm so sorry and he walks up to me like like brushing me off and [ __ ] like are you okay oh my

God I'm so sorry like man look like they took my family they took my kids man like they're not playing around I'm telling you they you know like kind of the same [ __ ] that you know we we be seeing on you feel me I think you go

here to be honest yeah I think you need to go I don't know man wait wait hold on is a virgin thing a trauma virgin is being lonely a trauma no Jimmy

I feel like if that affects you then it is Jimmy's a [ __ ] I'm fully playing oh [ __ ] let me let me go over here first so what you're telling me is that you being a virgin

was more traumatizing than him being beat by his dad and his dad that makes sense I get no so I think you deserve to be there actually no I

get it I I get it I get it so [ __ ] is his whole identity so Burgin dad beating Mom oh I got it my son really said I got

no game that [ __ ] [ __ ] me up bro I think I might have had a laugh in judgment what about relationships o I have a really fun story actually okay

this is actually a really really cool story really really fun so my first boyfriend when I was 18 okay I'll just list off the the fun facts uh he cheated on me four times one time was with a

hooker an escort that he paid for with meth or crack that he was selling because he became a drug dealer and then he was stealing my credit card information and my credit cards to take

money out of the bank at the ATM to buy himself crack because he then got addicted to crack um and then he sold my Nudes on Kick

friender to strangers online and I found out from a random white man who dm'd me on Facebook sending me a picture of my tits going is this you okay I think you deserve to

go what what wait you guys don't have any crazy stories I ain't going to lie she might have to be outside the set she might have to be over there she be outside the

oh God I'll give her a hug [ __ ] man you need it group hug oh thank you oh boobs you really nice press okay I'm going to

[ __ ] she actually I feel like covers everything up with dark humor this is this is what I think but I think she hates attaching herself to anything because she's been hurt so much by the people around her so she don't trust

anyone that's why I think she's come across as unhinge or something she'll say like weird [ __ ] like I put toes in my mouth but like that's her that's her like we proud of her you know what I'm saying put that toe in your mouth she

made it seem like it wasn't a big deal but her things were dark it was deep I've never been in a relationship but I have relationship problems with my uh my

my little brother like really bad ones um I was trying to be like an older sister and like mind you I never met him for like six years since we born so I was like eight he was six that's when we

first met and I was like I have a little brother I didn't know that so we met up cuz I I actually grew up in a foster house and then I moved in with my real parents when I was eight it was very violent like The Foster House I was in I love them I love the people who took

care of me they took very good care of me but they were also very traditional as in very old school where everything was very physical like you know I've been beat you know obviously because in

a foster house I had two little younger brothers that Wen weren't biological to me but they were autistic I would take care of them and because they respect I would take care of them more so when I had a brother that had all the chromosomes I was like you should be

like okay like you should you should not be acting SP like you you can't be you know what I'm saying like you got to be like let's not use the word said he wanted a sister right but I I was like kind of rejecting him I've always been

beat growing up so I was never taught the right way it was always through action so I was really aggressive my younger brother and he was like six so I beat him until he was like 15 or 13 all

the way there and like Child Protection Services came we had to fly to China to evade the police and child protection services cuz they're going to put us in foster care and we went to child for a month came back my dad almost got

arrested because they that was my dad beating him but it was actually me and they all knew but I wouldn't say anything and I beat him more to not say anything to the police when they got

interrogated and he got really I think it wasn't the physical beating that was the worst part it was the mental like it really hindered him it disabled him from like being able to

express himself it took me like six years to say sorry to him so I feel like that's why for me I can't really be affectionate to a lot of people because I don't really

know how to so I only know how to be loud and aggressive [Music] right you better score good on that [ __ ] test that you're taking right

now in college number one number two I think uh he knows us he knows us now it's important to know that I was a kid

too and things may have not come out the best way but it was the best way I thought I could do during that time so um I'm proud of who he

is and he never heard that but I'm very proud of who he is he's a very good kid very by the books very like just a good guy too I know he would never [ __ ] a girl over you would never [ __ ] a girl

over ever right but um yes very good guy I would recommend to any ladies out there he's single I do have something similar to your case where it's actually

my brother who is actually in your spot in your shoes so my brother who's 12 years older than me back then when I was in high school he would always always try to like control the way I do things

try to like tell me how to do things and kind of control my life and how I acted and obviously I was very like rebellious at that time so often times he would like beat me and like fight with me and

I would try to fight back and this went on for so long to the point where like I became really and then I was myself I try to like jump off my school so I like

climbed on top of my cuz I live close to like an elementary school so I'd climb up on top of a school and I would try to threaten my entire family like if it wasn't going to go my way or like if no one was going to listen to me cuz

everyone was siding with my oldest brother I would jump off So eventually like no one really cared or like sympathized with me so I jumped off my school knowing that I would survive but

I just wanted to show them that like I could be ballsy and I could like I just wanted to scare everyone so then I jumped I like landed I fell and I kind of injured myself a little bit but I was

like I was 100% okay but then that triggered like my mom to call or my dad to call the cops on me I like call the cops for help and then I got sent to the

psych ward no one wanted to keep him accountable for like making me want to so then eventually like I went to the psych ward for a couple

nights and then yeah that was it oh my God you crying are you crying once Nina brought her trauma with her brother that actually really

triggered me because there was a lot of things that I remembered that was very similar from her experience like I was literally in her brother's shoes I'm not really emotional about a lot of things

yeah but that spoke to me because so many times he came to me and he wanted to like do things like that and knowing me my ego was way too big like my ego

was like back then it was like no one could beat me it was so bad to the point that he one day came up with a with a knife in the kitchen and he was like myself because of you and I went to the

kitchen I got a butcher knife and I was like I'll give you two it was only I knew he wasn't going to do it because it was so much it was like if I support you so much you would hate me enough that you wouldn't do it do what I want to

tell you to do cuz he wasn't trying to listen to me so I was like if I tell him to do it he won't do it so I like revers psychology his ass but for me to do that

I was also betting on it it wasn't it was 50/50 and he did that four times separately to me and I still I never

softened up like not once I was so like bet and when you do die clean up do it somewhere really clean because I don't want to clean that [ __ ] and everything I said I didn't mean it but

it was just to add to the bet that he wouldn't do it so I'm like I'm not saying I'm victim I'm definitely not a victim but it's like the [ __ ] I want him to I could have just said it

right but I want to double down it so hard and be so dead ass about it and like like entice him almost do it that like there's so many times I feel like because of things like that he walked

around school he walked around places always with his head down like he wasn't worth it it was not right like even me seeing it back then it was still not right I just could not say sorry I was sorry but

I just could not say it so that was like the hardest thing for me cuz I just couldn't let my ego down like at all so like now we do talk about it

just yeah damn Jimmy hug her man make sure she's good [ __ ] no wrong person no no no

no no I I was the one that beat people I was the one that beat people thank you than you respect you guys should hug my brother not me I'm the I'm the guy who

beating I don't really get emotional like that to be honest I really only get mad I didn't think you were capable of crying no I actually you know what's so crazy this is not even a joke I have not cried for like four years because for me

my logic is crying means that you can't solve it there's nothing else to do so you have to cry about it that's the only time you're allowed to cry right for example a person dying you can't be Jesus you can't bring them back so like yeah go cry go what do whatever you got

to do but if it's something that you can solve why you crying go solve it right so I think for that one when I heard Jason's perspective my brother's Jason that's his name someone speaking

in his perspective I realized that like these are things that he wasn't able to tell me I'm just happy that he came out the way he came out like he didn't take that and like think everyone in the

world was like that and they have and they are capable of changing just proud of him that's it yeah this is so bad but I only said sorry to him the moment he was going to go to college when he had

to move out the house and it was a day before the next day he was going to move and I actually sat him down I was like yo yo sit down bro okay and even that tone was like demanding cuz I didn't know how I had no other tone with him

it's since the day I met him it's always been a demanding tone you know I was like yo bro like sit down okay and even then like I think I said a joke that's my first time ever joking with him in my

life I would have laughed it was a funny joke but he didn't laugh and he was like looking at me to see if he was okay to laugh because he felt like it was a

prank on him to see if I softened up on him so he was super scared I didn't even say sorry I said yo my fault and he was like for what and I was

like for like everything you know the reason why is cuz I want him to go to college and not be bullied by other people like I want him to be able to

like talk back number one I guess defend himself but defend yourself is really important because I defend myself really well I think I defended myself too well to the point to the point I defend

myself against everyone in my family too so I wanted him to be able to defend himself but he just didn't have that at all in him because I think I beat that [ __ ] like out of him literally it was gone so that's why I had to talk with

him and I said if anyone could beat you it would be me oh my God I still sound like a crazy [ __ ] but like you know like but I meant it in a good way it just came out like that again so I'm

very glad that you like like took that initiative and to talk with your little brother but for me it's like my brother never apologized to me

like to this day he still like has his ego and the way he treats like me and our family and like it's like I think this is huge in Asian culture where just

like it just gets sweeped under the rug and nothing gets resolved which is like no no no no yet I also need it so give you half I I'm much rather

the family just goes separate ways instead of like trying so hard to be a family if you're just going to fight all the time like bring one another down like not support one another it's just

like then why are you like my family like so the way I see it's just like it's really good that you were able to talk to your brother like that but I

think overall like for a lot of Asian family like there's a stigma where it's just we just don't really communicate in Asian families and it's just so there not many apologies in Asian families no

yeah we don't apologize in Asian cultures and it's just like I do love them and I know everything they do comes from Love and I think that's like Asian

love in the western Society I feel like people think it's [ __ ] but I can see that they're just trying their best to love me in the best way they can as immigrant

parents but it's just like I feel like it's just not the right way and I feel like um whenever they try to tell me to do things or teach me the right ways

they're either scolding me yelling at me yelling at each other like my dad would be really mad at my mom for not teaching me well even though my dad was never

there in my um childhood growing up um so it's just like a lot of hypocrisy and

like a lot of um just negative energy yeah like as much as I like want to say I hate my brother he's like still my emergency contct for everything so I'm like

[ __ ] at least he answer his phone yeah he does answer his phone a lot that's answer my [ __ ] phone [ __ ] Nina can I can I say something too about like your brother thing yeah your situation is

basically what happened with me and my sister but I was your the brother so um I went up to my sister and I myself in front of her

and um this is when I was like 17 right but I want to say the as someone who is in your brother's position at that age

when there's so much going on that is not who they are as a person there's honestly so much ego involved so much rage and so much everything you're not

in the right head space and in no intentions were they trying to harm you or hurt you or anything it's just that I feel like a lot of people don't realize is that even our parents our brothers

we're all humans doing this for our first times and when you have so much rage and so much anger you don't know what to do with it at all that's why we do scary and stupid things you know like

like that I wanted to share that like why I did it so maybe she could kind of understand maybe why her brother did it obviously situations might be different but for me it came from Rage and I think

a lot of you know teenage boys have that and it comes sometimes it comes from nowhere and I think that's just the sin of being a human it takes a lot of time for a person to put their ego aside

especially boys he basically wants to be like Hey listen like my sister probably blamed herself a lot listen don't blame yourself too much so I kind of got I kind of got where he was going with that you know he went on the loop a little

bit but it's okay because of this incident my family got really tight really strong together and we got a lot closer and I don't think what my parents did was wrong in any way so this isn't

to you know speak harshly on my family at all I was really scared of my dad you know ever since growing up it was like I was in elementary school I would we would do multiplication table and if I

get something wrong it would be the always you know and um I just like remember even getting like a be or like a c on not even a report card on like a

quarterly check so it's not even official he would rip all my stuff up you know tell me I got a quick volleyball and all that stuff and I was like I was like 14 you know we have four

in my high school every year because of school no in my district the whole system is if you don't go into uni if if you go to Community College you're a failure you know it's you get like shunned for that I was in student

council I did piano I did Art I did volleyball I did all the I wanted to go to a good school you know Mak my parents proud I think it was just too much at a point and so when things started going

bad you know I started my grade started to drop a little bit uh finals were coming up that's when I kind of gave up on myself I think yeah thank you for

sharing yeah wait actually you should be down there oh yeah volunteers yeah yeah yeah Richie what do you think is the most traumatic

thing to ever happen to you besides the parent thing uh in my first relationship long story short she cheated me like three times I was in this relationship for like 2 and a half years too right

and my like undeveloped frontal cortex was just thinking like I've been here for one and a half years I might as well keep going like I might as well like like keep trying to make this work at this time like we're both so young like

we don't know how to love we don't know what the [ __ ] that is it's just a feeling of like being possessive with each other controlling each other like we were we were arguing like all the

time you don't have to be embarrassed by that I was I was like that at 19 19 dude being last on the on the trauma ranking it's an awareness of how privileged I am

and knowing that things could be worse cuz I'm also the the youngest child too so a lot of the trauma went on to my siblings they took on all all the trauma

before uh it went on to me I'm just privileged and I recognize that no thank you thank you to everybody for opening up yeah thank you honestly the ranking isn't even like and hindsight is [ __ ]

up like you had to wor yeah who thought of this video idea like who who is it Jimmy Jimmy yo Jimmy is this one [ __ ] is this one my heart is so deep right now

he [ __ ] rued my makeup I spent 2 hours on this [ __ ] all right well I think it would be doing you guys uh an extreme disservice to rank you based on

one through seven I think trauma is subjective and obviously most of us have went through a lot Richie I think you're perfect where you are he's the most mentally stable out of all of us that's

what I'm saying like trauma doesn't always make you a better person I think it it the the the journey you go on to heal from it is what makes you as a person so don't wish for more trauma to

to make it seem like it'll make me a better man man I you're you're a very good man right now I think that's a great message for this whole video like we're not trying to be like oh like it's

good to go through [ __ ] 100% also just like even if you go through something small like like even out of this whole group I feel like he could be the most mentally [ __ ] up even though his situation that's what I'm saying trauma

is subjective very subjective I just want to say thank you to each and every single one of you for opening up and um taking care of each other when you guys did open up um to the audience I just

want to say don't ever think your trauma is lesser than anybody else's if it affects you take the necessary healing precautions and and start that journey

to heal from it and let it turn you into a better person overall I think my trauma has taught me to be a stronger

person um I definitely became more thick skin in my terms because like now when I think about my trauma and I'm comparing it to like cons or like um fan fan I

feel like they're on a next level but like for myself it definitely taught me to be more resilient um and like it made me also

have a perspective that I'm more mature than my brother so even though he's still showing the same behavior as before it's almost like my responsibility that I need

to not react because I can recognize that that's not the behavior that I want to repeat so

yeah out of all of your exes who do you think is the ugliest one it would probably

be I eat this [ __ ] I hope you feel that [Music]