"Be UN-F*ck-Withable" 24 Ways to BREAK Your Nice Girl Habits & Finally Command Respect | April Mason

I would go into a place and I would look around like, "Let's play." And I would spot a man and I knew that I could lure him to do whatever it was that I wanted

because I understood them so well.

That's where a lot of women mess up.

They don't realize.

April, as a femininity coach and relationship strategist, you know how to speak man. So, for anyone watching right

speak man. So, for anyone watching right now, how on earth can we command respect while keeping our cool and our dignity?

Number one, first and foremost, I'm not going back and forth with you like that with a man. I'm just not. And number

two, I'm going to feel in my body. How

does my body feel in this moment?

Because I'm all about healing the nervous system. In my body, where is all

nervous system. In my body, where is all of the the the pain or the discomfort or the anxiety coming from? And if I feel

that it's all of this discomfort, I'm going to say, you know what, let's put a pin in this and we can discuss it later.

I'm not going to continue to try and go back and forth. And then if you still don't get it after we've communicated, I have a decision to make, not him. That's

where a lot of women mess up. They don't

realize they have the decision to make.

Is this something or this situation, is it in alignment with who I am? When I'm

speaking with a man, whether it's a client or whether it's family member or someone that I'm seeing, I express myself and then when I feel that my body can't take any of what's else that's

going on and it's anxiety and I'm getting tense, I retreat. I don't keep trying to get you to understand. And

when I feel like I'm ready to have the conversation in a different way, I will revisit it. But when I revisit it, it's

revisit it. But when I revisit it, it's going to be in a we need it's not going to be in a we need to talk. You don't

tell them you need to talk. You just

talk.

You just talk. But the way you talk is, you know, I was thinking and you do it in a way I would say even sit next to him versus from across from him. That's

kind of more businessy. Sitting across

from his is more intimate. And you sit down, you wave the white flag. Doesn't

mean that he's right. It just means you're trying to get a particular result. If you were trying to get

result. If you were trying to get something, would you continue to go after it in a way that it's not working for you? You're going to have to wave

for you? You're going to have to wave the white flag. You got to understand he may not even get it right away, but your actions are going to show him that you

mean business. There's no attitude.

mean business. There's no attitude.

There is no silent treatment. It's you

put yourself first and you center yourself and then watch what happens once I start doing the inner work and start loving me and start realizing, April, you are enough and you always

have been enough. If something isn't working um as a single woman in dating, I don't blame the man. I I don't even have the talk. Like I think having the talk, what are we is the worst thing a

woman can do. And the reason why is because what you're asking is why haven't you chosen me?

What are we? Why haven't you picked me?

For me, if I saw was in a situation and it wasn't going in the same manner, I realized, okay, this is not the same direction. What I would say is, you know

direction. What I would say is, you know what, it's been wonderful getting to know you. I've enjoyed the moments that

know you. I've enjoyed the moments that we spent. However, I believe we are

we spent. However, I believe we are looking for two different things. So,

um, I wish you the best and I'm going to go off and and see what else the world has to offer. You see, I didn't blame him. Now, you saying that assuming that

him. Now, you saying that assuming that because if he wanted to be with you, he would have committed because what? Okay.

Because in my thinking, I've been married for 23 years, so obviously I'm out of the dating scene, but if I wasn't sure if he was interested in me, or I wasn't sure if there was anything

longterm in his mind. For me, I think I would just ask him. I wouldn't spiral in my own thoughts of does he like me, does he not, does he? I would just be like, "Hey, where's this going? What are you interested in doing?" Yeah. I would

never ask that. Oh, okay. They push

back. Tell me why. I wouldn't ask that because I watch how men move in their day-to-day lives, especially when they are ambitious, successful men. They can

go after everything else in their life with vigor and they know exactly what they want. It doesn't change when they

they want. It doesn't change when they get to woman. Oh, so you're saying you would know. So you shouldn't have to

would know. So you shouldn't have to ask. I would know because his actions,

ask. I would know because his actions, his patterns, his consistency, his efforts, and his words would all line up to let me know that I wouldn't have to guess. If I have to guess, for me, it's

guess. If I have to guess, for me, it's a no. Absolutely. Because when a man

a no. Absolutely. Because when a man wants you, you never have to guess.

Think about it like this. The men that women typically don't want, they keep coming. It doesn't change just because

coming. It doesn't change just because you like the guy. Typically, women have these conversations when they are more invested in the man than the man is

invested in them. But if you really look at all of the men that you did not want, they constantly came toward you even when you rejected them. So why would I

have to try to figure it out for a man that supposedly liked me? I made a comment and the internet went crazy. I

said, "If you heal the little boy within him, the man you want was will show up."

They thought I meant doing something for him. No, what I meant was being.

him. No, what I meant was being.

Women think that our job is to fix people. That's not our job. Our job is

people. That's not our job. Our job is to live in our authentic truth. So, for

instance, what that looks like is for me, I work with a lot of men. Majority

of my clients now are men. Now, when a man comes into my presence, when we get to talking, he totally turns into this 10-year-old boy. I don't care how much

10-year-old boy. I don't care how much money he has, what his occupation is. I

don't It doesn't matter. That

interaction that we have and I could just be sitting there like this and I'm talking like this and I'm asking them questions and I'm seeing them that I hear them. I'm not trying to fix them.

hear them. I'm not trying to fix them.

They're speaking to me and I'm I'm saying, "So, what I hear you saying is, can you break down a couple of little things that you just did cuz your tone changed? Your body changed." Did you

changed? Your body changed." Did you know? Did you notice? Did you notice?

know? Did you notice? Did you notice?

Yeah. Yeah. Can you break it down? So,

typically like if I'm on a date, I sit next to my date. I don't sit across it.

To me, it's more like a business meeting. This is a little bit more

meeting. This is a little bit more intimate. When I talk to men, I lower my

intimate. When I talk to men, I lower my voice like this. And it's not because I'm trying to manipulate them, but they hear different. And so, when I'm

hear different. And so, when I'm speaking to them, I also speak a lot slower. And I regurgitate back what I

slower. And I regurgitate back what I heard them say. I like because I don't want to get things misconstrued. What

I'm hearing you say is. And then if it sounds if I know it's stupid what they said it might have been stupid. I want

them to hear how stupid it is and but I don't say it like that was stupid. Why

would you say that? I would say so what you're saying is if a woman does hard labor, she's not feminine anymore. Is that is that what I

feminine anymore. Is that is that what I hear you say? So

you said your mother was a strong woman.

Is your mother a very masculine woman?

I'll do that. Your head tilts as well.

The head tilt. Yeah. Yes. So it's see I didn't even notice it because it just comes so natural. So I understand the body language when you're talking to men and I also understand how they receive the information. It's not a sexual

the information. It's not a sexual thing. No, it didn't feel like it. It

thing. No, it didn't feel like it. It

just more of h I see you. It's a softer tone because you got to remember when a men talk to women like you and I, they already think okay she's empowered.

She's can be shrewd. She can be firm and I change the dynamic. I have to be more shrewd and more firm when I talk to women. Oh, and here's the reason why

women. Oh, and here's the reason why women are used to abuse. I hate to say this. If you look at a lot of the

this. If you look at a lot of the podcast guys that were, you know, that are on and that have a lot of views and they have a lot of larger listenership.

They talk to women about women like trash. They're [ __ ] [ __ ] Sorry

trash. They're [ __ ] [ __ ] Sorry for swearing, but literally I can't believe men and women sit there and just take it because they're that's what they're accustomed to.

And when you understand, one of the reasons why I stopped working with women is I couldn't have the conversation like you and I are having now. I couldn't

coach like this. They wouldn't get it until I would say something like this is the [ __ ] that I'm talking about. You

know, why are you doing this? Why? Like,

but I don't live in that energy.

But unless I did took it to another step and women like to say, "No, you can't talk to me like that. Lies. I've been

doing this for almost 20 years." And I know who my client is. They're the woman that is the hard woman. She is trying to tap into her femininity. She's a woman that she is trying to be broken from her

old ways of doing things. She doesn't

know how. So, I can't come in at her with, "Oh my god, she's not going to hear me." It's like, "Listen, this is what it's going to be.

Either you're going to do the work or why did you hire me anyway?" Well, Miss April, no, don't miss April me. I didn't

You didn't hire me to be your friend to coach you through this. So, this is the assignment and I want to see make sure you get it done. men. It's So, tell me about the last five women that you dated

because I'm look I'm seeing a pattern here. They open up like a rose

here. They open up like a rose because I'm not I don't have to be masculine with them like I have to be with the women. And the reason why these men who talk to women any kind of way

and about them on these podcasts, women are accustomed to that and their nervous systems is wired for trauma. And then

you see women doing counter videos to this instead of just saying, "Oh, this doesn't apply to me. Let me move on."

They're not going to do it because they're triggered. So, it's very

they're triggered. So, it's very difficult to work with women when they are so used to losing. They don't know when you put them in a position to win and they don't they don't realize I'm

not trying to diminish you. I'm trying

to rip off the band-aid and put some of the old sporn on it and then bandage you back up. They no, that doesn't work. So

back up. They no, that doesn't work. So

when I coach men, it's drastically different. And men, they're like, "Okay,

different. And men, they're like, "Okay, so what do I need to do?" Number one, this woman, you're going to have to leave her alone because you don't like her like that in the first place. She is

reminiscent of your childhood and how your mother talked to you. Now, if I said to a woman like that, it's like, "What do you mean? I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't choose that girl.

Listen, we we can't we I can't do this."

Because what it was doing was it was putting more stress on my body coaching women at that level.

And because I had to be very dogmatic all the time with the fellas.

Oh, you've been successful in business.

You put all your energy here, but you never developed relationship capital.

Let's work on that. The vulnerability

that women want to see in men. That's

easy for me to get out of them just by changing the like the posture and the head to everything that you notice. It

does that. And those are the things that women say, "I shouldn't have to do that.

I why why can't he just I don't make the rules. And I didn't say it was right. I

rules. And I didn't say it was right. I

never say it's right. It's just what it is. Oh, yeah. All right, guys. We'll be

is. Oh, yeah. All right, guys. We'll be

right back with Dr. April. But for one second, if you're struggling to build your confidence, if you're struggling to set boundaries and stand up for yourself, whether that's in a relationship or at work or with your family and you don't feel like you have

a voice, then smash the subscribe button down there so that you can get notified every single time an episode comes out.

because we are here to learn the tools and tactics together so we can build our confidence and make sure that we always stand in our power. So, smash the subscribe button. Now, let's get back to

subscribe button. Now, let's get back to the episode. So, I've heard you talk

the episode. So, I've heard you talk about in your past you even refer to yourself as you used to be a maneater.

Oh, yes. I was going to get them before they got me, you know, and I viewed men differently. And I had one situation I

differently. And I had one situation I was at this club and my girlfriends and I we were we were there and I would do stuff like just because I could, you know, it was like let me let me turn it on. It was one of those things where

on. It was one of those things where Marilyn Monroe, she had something in a book where she said she was out and she asked someone, she was like, "You want to see me do it? You want" and they were like, "What do you mean you want to see me become Marilyn?" No one saw her in

her regular clothes. They didn't see she was Marilyn, but even in her regular clothes, she was able to turn it on and all of a sudden everybody sees her as Marilyn even though she's dressed down.

That's what I used to do. It I would go into a place and I would look around like, "Let's play." And I would spot a man and I knew that I could I could lure

him to do whatever it was that I wanted because I understood them so well. And

there was one guy, he's dancing with a girl. So her backs to me, he's here and

girl. So her backs to me, he's here and I'm standing against the wall and he looks at me and he we our eyes locked. I

said, "Got him." I knew what it was at that moment. I go to the lady's room and

that moment. I go to the lady's room and I knew he was going to be standing outside of the lady's room. When I come out, I said, "I knew you'd be standing here." He said, "How did you know?" I

here." He said, "How did you know?" I

said, "Because I saw you see me, so I knew you were going to be standing here." And he says, "Well, I would love

here." And he says, "Well, I would love to get your number." I said, "But what about the lady that you're with?" And he says, "Well, it's just a date. It's just

a" I was like, I said, "You're too easy." And I left because I knew I

easy." And I left because I knew I could. So, that's a different type of

could. So, that's a different type of power if you don't use it properly. And

during that time, I was probably in my mid early 20s and I was just I was the maneater. Although, funny thing is I

maneater. Although, funny thing is I still desire love and I'm still sensitive and I'm still that girl and but I had to put up this wall because all I knew was abuse. So, I like men,

but I'm gonna get them before they get me because they're going to try to get me. I had to really learn how not to be

me. I had to really learn how not to be that woman. So, a completely understand

that woman. So, a completely understand how you got there. Like, completely

right. It's a power play. My entire

life, my power has been stripped from me. No more. And that like no more feels

me. No more. And that like no more feels damn empowering. Yes. And so, you going

damn empowering. Yes. And so, you going into that club, well, I'm sure now you're like that poor woman and Ouch. Um, it wasn't probably your best

Ouch. Um, it wasn't probably your best moment. No, but being able to own it, I

moment. No, but being able to own it, I think, is amazing. So, thank you for sharing that story. B, not judging yourself for it and going, that's just where I was. And then C, recognizing it

what for what it was and going, "Oh, this can be used for evil." And so, knowing that you have that power and that it doesn't feel good, and then

making the change. All right, girl. You

exude confidence. I've heard you talk.

And there's a story that you share.

Okay. It's such a good story. Oh my god, you got such big balls if I could be cru to say that. So you talk about women don't actually just say what they want.

And there's a story where you're about to go on stage and you see about five or 10 other women getting on stage and they're struggling going up the steps. They got the heels

on.

Please finish that story. Lisa, listen.

I think what you saw I was getting an award and I was going up some steps. I

was getting ready to go up some steps and I watched every woman before me just go up the steps and there were no rails.

I'm like no I will not. There are men in this film and I'm like yes and I'm like can you help me up the steps? And the guys they got up and they

steps? And the guys they got up and they helped me up the steps. When I was coming down a lady was there to help me down. I said, "Mm- you can you help me

down. I said, "Mm- you can you help me down because I believe that women want men to do things, but they take that power away." Women say chivalry is dead,

power away." Women say chivalry is dead, but they walk so fast that they're opening their own doors. You know, they are not allowing a man to help them, but then they say, "Oh, these men are weak."

They're confused. They're not weak.

They're confused. Do I help you? Don't I

help you? But women don't understand.

Women have made men feel like it's wrong for them to do those things or he's thirsty. He's doing too much. And so men

thirsty. He's doing too much. And so men just like, "Well, I won't do anything."

And then it becomes, "Why aren't you stepping into me as a man?" Make up your mind, girl, cuz they're confused. And I

believe men like to do those things, but I also believe that women have played a huge part in why they don't. Yeah. I've

actually heard you say that it took you time to um really acknowledge the difference between your fear and intuition. Yes, they feel so much alike.

intuition. Yes, they feel so much alike.

So, I was dating two guys at the same time and one was the perfect gentleman.

The other one, he was he was let's call him the flame. We're still waiting to see

the flame. We're still waiting to see what Rachel gonna use. But he was he he was that thing, right? And so I remember I was out with one of them one day and then next week I went out with the

other. The one that was that was the one

other. The one that was that was the one that kept me in anxiety and all of that, I felt comfortable holding his hand. The

one that was the good guy, I felt like I was going to vomit when he held my hand.

And I had to go through this process cuz I'm like, "Okay, wait a minute. He

didn't do anything wrong. Why do I feel like this?" Okay. And so, I'm a person

like this?" Okay. And so, I'm a person that I always go inward. I will

self-actualize some of everything. And I do a lot of internal work to try to figure me out.

And I realized, all right, April, what you were feeling with this guy was not fear at all. This guy was the one that you

at all. This guy was the one that you should have chosen. But your nervous system and what I call Jessica in my book, Identity Switch, Jessica is the subconscious mind. Jessica wasn't used

subconscious mind. Jessica wasn't used to this type of treatment. Jessica was

used to this type of treatment. So, his

actions were in alignment with what my subconscious was wired with. This guy, I literally, Lisa, I stopped dating after that and I literally had to rewire my subconscious mind so she would be

programmed for good treatment.

He was treating me good, but I got fearful of that. This one was treating me in alignment with what I was accustomed to. And I'm like, "Oh, yeah.

accustomed to. And I'm like, "Oh, yeah.

I like him." Can you explain what those things were? The things that were

things were? The things that were actually feeling good, but were actually red flags. Well, I like men that know

red flags. Well, I like men that know how to communicate. He was not the best communicator. Uh, he was a man that was

communicator. Uh, he was a man that was emotionally unavailable, but he was sexy. So, it was kind of you kind of give a pass for certain things.

That's part of the trap. That's part of the trap. He was sexy. He was like he

the trap. He was sexy. He was like he was like 50 and he his body looked like a god and it was just he was just everything. And so I got caught up in

everything. And so I got caught up in that because once again that's the type of men that I was used to and he fit the description. But I'm not paying

description. But I'm not paying attention at the time to everything he's doing is still in alignment with the men of your past that you accepted. But

beautiful thing that happened. I grow I grew through that and we saw each other maybe a year later and he said, "April, I would like to cook dinner for you."

And you know, you still have that little residue. the red flag man. The red flag

residue. the red flag man. The red flag man. And so this is how I knew I had

man. And so this is how I knew I had grown. Um cuz it was like a year after.

grown. Um cuz it was like a year after.

And I said, "Well, you know what? I'll

I'll let you cook dinner for me because of course he's still the sexy guy." And

I wanted to see maybe had he grown, what I learned. And it was it was so uh uh

I learned. And it was it was so uh uh liberating to me in that moment. So he

took me on a tour of his home again. He

said, "April, look at what I've did to my home since the last time you've been here." H Okay. I said, "It looks nice."

here." H Okay. I said, "It looks nice."

But what he didn't know that I remembered was that he had went through a traumatic experience in 2008. He had

lost millions of dollars and his with his uh portfolio with this real estate stuff development he was doing. And when

that happened, the room, even when we first met, the room still had the oldfax machine, everything the way it would look in 2008.

Every other room he took me to, it was all filled with things. And I'm thinking he's not planning his life to bring someone into it. He's planning his life

to be by himself. He's not knowing that I'm paying it to because I had grown in that year. And so he's not realizing I'm

that year. And so he's not realizing I'm assessing everything. So we we're on the

assessing everything. So we we're on the deck and we're eating. And I said, "Love," I said, "You're going to be a bachelor for a long time." I said, "You're a sexy bachelor and you know that." He said, "What do you mean?" And

that." He said, "What do you mean?" And

I said, "You don't have room for a woman to love you." He said, 'What do you mean by that? I said, 'Well, let's start off

by that? I said, 'Well, let's start off with your home. There's no room for a woman here.

And I said, 'Th that room in the back, it's still set up like 2008 when you lost everything. You have not

lost everything. You have not energetically removed any of that stuff.

So, there's no room for a woman to be here to love you. And he said, "Well, April, I can put stuff in the closet or I can I can take some stuff." I said, "I'm not asking you to do that.

I just identified that you don't have room for a woman to love you. And I

said, "When was the last time you ever were in love?" He said, "194."

Oh, wow. And that was the last time I saw him. Coming up, I believe that a man

saw him. Coming up, I believe that a man cannot get over on a woman who takes her time to cultivate herself. We'll get

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Okay, now in hindsight, let's talk about the green flag man that made you nauseous.

What are the green flags that you saw?

You were like, "Oh god, no." That now you think that you would welcome and why did you reject them? Actually, you know, here's the thing. I always liked his green flag. It was my inner that was not

green flag. It was my inner that was not accustomed to it. Like for instance, I was one day I was going to the doctor and I was driving and I heard this little bumpy thing in the car and I'm

like, "Okay, did I get a flat tire?" And

he just happened to call and he says, "What are you doing?" I said, "I'm going to the doctor, but I hear this bumpy thing in the car." And he knows I don't know anything about cars. Bumpy thing.

Yeah. Bumpy thing. He said technical ter. Yeah. He said, "Is it your is it

ter. Yeah. He said, "Is it your is it your tire?" I said, "I I don't know.

your tire?" I said, "I I don't know.

It's just bumping his bloopy bloopy type thing is going on." And he said, "Um, where are you?" I said, "I'm headed to my doctor." He said, "Send me your

my doctor." He said, "Send me your location." So, I pinned him and send him

location." So, I pinned him and send him my location. When I got out of the

my location. When I got out of the doctor's office, he was there. He said,

"You do have a nail in your tire, but it's enough to get to the tire repair shop." He said, "Follow me." I followed

shop." He said, "Follow me." I followed him. He got the tire repaired, gave me a

him. He got the tire repaired, gave me a kiss, and said, "I'm headed back to work. I'll talk to you later. We can do

work. I'll talk to you later. We can do dinner later."

dinner later." another thing which was a green flag which I was very nervous to tell him about. In 2019, I was diagnosed with

about. In 2019, I was diagnosed with lupus. And I was I felt some sort of way

lupus. And I was I felt some sort of way about that. Well, when he and I met, I

about that. Well, when he and I met, I was trying to do everything to send him on his way. And we were out to dinner and he said, "Why you seem sad today?"

And I said, "Well, I got some news that I'm not really happy about." He said, "What is that?" I said, "Well, it's not your issue. You know, I don't want to

your issue. You know, I don't want to put any burdens." He said, "What is it?"

Um, I said, "Well, I was diagnosed with lupus." He said, "Okay, I'm not going

lupus." He said, "Okay, I'm not going anywhere." He said, "We're going to

anywhere." He said, "We're going to figure it out." Like everything was like in alignment with what women would say that they want, but because I hadn't done some deeper work. And when the

other guy came, I believe that was the last little remnant of the work that I needed to do because he was a trigger for me. And I was telling my friend just

for me. And I was telling my friend just yesterday, we were talking about it and I said, "Girl, you know what it was? He

reminded me of my ex- fiance.

He was the image of that from how he spoke to his hands to his sense of humor. Everything including his

humor. Everything including his emotional unavailability. So I'll never

emotional unavailability. So I'll never forget we were sitting there on that couch the night that I was there and he pointed at me. He said something. I

completely turned into this little girl and I went back to the past and I'm thinking, "Wait a minute. You're effing

April Mason. What are you doing? How do

you how are you sitting here feeling like this little itty bitty girl? like

you are backed into a corner like you're a little puppy. What is going on? That's

how I knew something was off. I should

not feel this way with a man that is supposed to like me or I'm supposed to like him. My system shouldn't be off

like him. My system shouldn't be off like that. That's when I started really

like that. That's when I started really diving in to figure that figure that out. The other guy, my nervous system

out. The other guy, my nervous system was calm. Nothing.

was calm. Nothing.

But it was the fear of that because I it was unknown. That was familiar. And when

was unknown. That was familiar. And when

I tell you I I've never felt like that before. But in that moment, I said,

before. But in that moment, I said, "Love is not supposed to feel like this.

I'm not supposed to feel like the little girl who's gone through the abuse cuz I dealt with uh 12 years of sexual abuse and I've dealt with two rapes." All of a sudden, my body feels like this again.

And this man, he actually hadn't done anything. But the way he looked, how he

anything. But the way he looked, how he stood, his stature, everything was reminiscent of the past. And I just kind of cowardly kind of caved in. And to the

world I'm like, "Oh no, I'm April Mason." But in that moment, it was like

Mason." But in that moment, it was like I was a wet puppy left out in the cold and I'm in the corner shivering in that moment. Dude, thank you for your

moment. Dude, thank you for your transparency. The amount of women,

transparency. The amount of women, strong women, that have done that and felt that is in crazy. And so I keep going back to why, right? If we have

confidence in one area where you can stand up and yet there is someone with a certain wiring of just enough of this, just enough of that that it reverts you back to your childhood. The woman that

didn't feel like she had the power. So,

one thing I want to ask you right now is um when you find yourself being re-triggered or triggered, you actually have three steps of how to deal with your trigger. And so, I've heard you

your trigger. And so, I've heard you talk about the three steps. So number

one is you have to assess the situation.

Number two, you accept what it is. And

then number three, you decide how you're going to move forward. Yes. So for me, assessing the situation really means pausing. Women don't like to pause. You

pausing. Women don't like to pause. You

know, our emotions are on our sleeves and we hear something and we are just a thousand miles an hour. Assessing the

situation requires you to be still for a minute and really take in how does this make me feel? Why am I upset about it?

What did this person do? Why does this feel like a violation? And I start playing all of this in my head, but I have stepped back. I don't just I've learned how to have emotional intelligence. I don't just, you know,

intelligence. I don't just, you know, run off and just start blah blah blah blah blah blah. Because what I found out is when women do that, they still don't get the result that they want. They only

get the emotional release, but they don't get the result that they want.

Well, then the the emotional release then sometimes ends up in I think equating into shame and guilt that you said it and did Yes. And so, and then if you're arguing with someone else, all

you did was emotionally dump on them and you they still don't give you what you want. So, I believe that every woman or

want. So, I believe that every woman or just people in general, take five seconds before you speak and I sit with that until I figure it out and then I accept what that is. Regardless if it

was my fault, regardless if it was someone else, I accept what it is and then I decide how I'm going to move forward. My way of deciding how I'm

forward. My way of deciding how I'm going to move forward is never making it about the other person. I'm deciding to remove myself from it. I don't have to give and make an announcement. I don't

have to have closure. I don't have to send a long text messages that nobody's going to read. All I'm going to do is say, "This doesn't feel good to me. I

don't like how this this made me feel this trigger. I'm just going to remove

this trigger. I'm just going to remove myself without needing the validation of telling anybody else." It's kind of like people when they go on your social media, they don't like what you said and said, "I'm unfollowing." You didn't have

to make an announcement.

Just go. I know. You think I'm going to stop you? Let me help you block.

stop you? Let me help you block.

But people want to make a statement.

They want to make a statement. And women

do that all the time. Yeah, it's true.

They will send a man a long text message and he'll respond with, "K, oh, of course I trust."

And they hate that. And it's like, no, you're making it about somebody else's validation of your feelings. and you

should be the only validation that you need. And women don't know that. They

need. And women don't know that. They

don't know that I'm enough. How I feel matters. How people treat me matters. I

matters. How people treat me matters. I

don't have to uh sacrifice and give myself to everybody, but I'm in control. Women can be in control in their careers, but not in their own

lives. And so that's what why we see

lives. And so that's what why we see such huge discrepancies in you have the successful woman here, but when it comes to a relationship or men in general, she

is just bankrupt. It's because there's no balance. They've put the the effort

no balance. They've put the the effort into becoming the woman here academically career educationally but when it comes to womanhood, femininity,

spirituality, wisdom, and sensuality, they're at an all-time low. and they can tell you all about their career, but when you ask a woman who she is, she's going to tell you what she does. That's

so true. That validation piece as well really hit me because I've been there. I

have been that woman. I've been the woman that looked around at everybody else to validate me. I was a stay-at-home wife for eight years and every time he was coming home, I was waiting for that moment of validation where he would say, "Oh my god, doesn't

the house look lovely? Oh, oh my god, this meal tastes delicious." And I realized the biggest change of my life was when I took ownership. Only you get to validate yourself. And I love my

husband more than life itself. So it's

very important of what he thinks about me. So I don't want to pretend, but I

me. So I don't want to pretend, but I have to make sure that I show up every day feeling worthy. And this is why I freaking love you and your work. Because

what you wrote in a book, actually, I'd love to out. You write 24 different traits that as a woman, if we master these, we are no longer looking external. We're no longer looking at

external. We're no longer looking at other people to validate us. And so now actually it makes us a more confident woman and it allows us to be a better partner in a relationship which then

equals an amazing relationship. Exactly.

So number one, respect. Respecting

yourself first and foremost. A lot of times we don't respect ourselves and we waiting for somebody else to do it for us. Well, why would he or she do this?

us. Well, why would he or she do this?

Well, why did you allow it? Why didn't

you have certain boundaries? So respect

to me, it starts with respecting yourself and saying no to things you want to say no to and not allowing yourself to feel I'm less of a woman if I do say no.

One of the things that allowed me to show myself that I respect myself is by respecting my time. Yes. Respecting your

time and respecting your own commitments to yourself. Everything you said you

to yourself. Everything you said you were going to do, why haven't you done it? But if someone asks you to do

it? But if someone asks you to do something they want you to do, you can commit to that and see it all the way through. I would say yes to things I

through. I would say yes to things I never wanted to do, but I was like, but they want me to do it, so I need to show up for them. When on earth am I showing up for myself? Exactly. And we don't we're we're not taught to We're taught

to be of service. We are taught that everything that we have as women is for our children, our husbands, our job, everybody else. And then people can look

everybody else. And then people can look down on you if you say, "I'm putting myself first." And I had to learn how to

myself first." And I had to learn how to do that when my sons were in the ninth and 11th grade. I had to learn to say as the I hear online, f them kids

is what I had to learn. And women were like, wait a minute. So you don't put your kids first? Hell no. Not anymore. I

said, and here's why. It's not that you're being a irresponsible parent, but your whole identity is wrapped around that. So once your identity has become

that. So once your identity has become something outside of you, you're going to go the distance to make sure that you're showing up even at your own risk.

And my son, he learned that prom. He

told me last minute, "Mom, we got to go to the store because I got to get my my suit." And I'm like, "How long have you

suit." And I'm like, "How long have you known this, Corey?" He said, "Oh, mom, I've known it for a while, but tomorrow was the last day." Mom and I had friends in town from Florida. I said, "Okay." He

wasn't used to that. It was typically I'm gonna fuss. I can't believe you waited this late and you see I have friends out of town. We're having a barbecue. I would have done all that. I

barbecue. I would have done all that. I

didn't. I said, "Okay." I said, "Your poor planning has nothing to do with me.

I have friends here. It's not that I'm not going to take you, but you're on my time now. You acquies to me. I don't

time now. You acquies to me. I don't

acquies to you." And that's when my kids really start shifting like, "Oh my is not playing. She's not playing." So now

not playing. She's not playing." So now they've learned that I come first and how I feel and then I will deal with you cuz if I'm no good, nobody is. Have you

seen now a change in their behavior where they respect your time and your decisions more because of that? Yes. I

love that. Yes. Yes. So much so that my daughter and son-in-law, they don't expect me to babysit like that. They'll

say, "Mom, what does your schedule look like in the next 30 days?" Oh my god, that's so good. because I decided that I'm just as important and you guys are not going to beat me down and nor am I

going to beat myself down for putting me first. It's other women that try to make

first. It's other women that try to make you believe you're not a good parent if you don't do everything for the kids.

No. So, I had to retrain my children so that I could put myself first. And I

think women believe that if you do that, it's going to make them look down at you. Actually, it makes them more

you. Actually, it makes them more responsible and it makes them respect you more. How did you make sure that you

you more. How did you make sure that you were strong in your conviction not to back off? You know what? That's a good

back off? You know what? That's a good question. That's a really good question.

question. That's a really good question.

I believe it had everything to do that I gotten to a point that I realized I mattered. Yeah, it was April. Look at

mattered. Yeah, it was April. Look at

everything you've done for everybody else. And I'm the oldest of six. So, you

else. And I'm the oldest of six. So, you

know, the old I have the oldest child syndrome. So, the responsible one,

syndrome. So, the responsible one, everybody's the one everybody calls and I'm always there and I'm I'm a generous person with my time, resources. But I

was doing that at my own risk. And I

believe I started realizing that I mattered and my happiness mattered and that people will acquies and adjust versus me trying to make everybody happy

cuz you're not going to. I don't have kids so I don't want to pretend that I know. But I would assume in that moment

know. But I would assume in that moment if you haven't if you don't have such high conviction in yourself that is the right thing to do for you and your self-esteem and your confidence. A lot

of women in that moment will back off.

The amount of I think women would feel this the crushing guilt and shame and then you acquies, you back off and now you're teaching. So going back to like

you're teaching. So going back to like the the respect, show yourself that you make a commitment and respect the commitment. You've now done the complete

commitment. You've now done the complete opposite and now you actually show yourself that you don't respect yourself at all. And you're teaching your kids

at all. And you're teaching your kids not to respect you. Yes. And and that your boundaries are Yep. Your boundaries

are movable. And it doesn't mean because when I say this, women think that I'm saying just abandon all your responsibilities. That's not what I'm

responsibilities. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying rearrange how you do

saying. I'm saying rearrange how you do what you do with the people that you do it for and they will be okay. And so now in building that respect muscle, if you

will, how does that then echo in making sure that you never settle and know your worth? When it comes to relationships,

worth? When it comes to relationships, it's the same thing. If I commit to me and I respect myself, my commitments and my time, oh, you better be sure to understand you will too. Especially in

the dating phase, this is the perfect time to decide if this person is going to be respect those things and you can just It was nice, but you don't have to

tolerate that. Yeah, that was just

tolerate that. Yeah, that was just number one, G. That was so good. Um,

okay. So, we've got number two, which is sincerity. We've got number three,

sincerity. We've got number three, authenticity. Number four,

authenticity. Number four, individuality. So talk to me about

individuality. So talk to me about individuality and how that can actually make for a building your self-esteem and confidence and then b how that actually makes for a better relationship. I

believe most women don't know who they are who they are. If you now I hope the ladies don't get upset but if you look at today most women look alike. There's

no big distinction. Huh. I thought about it. Everybody's in athleisure wear. you

it. Everybody's in athleisure wear. you

know, they got the messy bun or they have the what they call it, the long eyelashes or the the long weaves. They

all look the same. And I believe women create their aesthetic regardless of what they say off what they think men like versus let me find out who I am and find

out what my style is. How can I be my own individual without running it through will this person like it? Will I be offensive to them if I do certain things a particular

way? What does that look like for me? I

way? What does that look like for me? I

don't believe women do that. Like back

in the day when if you watch MTV, MTV the women, they were all different. You

could go from a Cindy Looper all the way over to a Taylor Dane. You know, there was so much distinction. But we don't really have that. And I I don't believe that women really take themselves

seriously enough to find out who they are. What does that look like? And are

are. What does that look like? And are

you okay with being that? That's what I was going to say. Are you okay with it?

And do you have the internal strength to maintain it? Because there are many

maintain it? Because there are many scenarios where I can see you trying something new. Mhm. But when you're

something new. Mhm. But when you're trying to be validated, when you just want to be liked, when you don't have the confidence in that moment, April, where you're trying something new, and

someone comes at you and makes a snide comment, a sarcastic remark, how do you make sure that you don't negotiate? How

do you stay true in your conviction even if you want to be liked? Critics are

only critics when when you're what you're offering isn't for them. If I

resonate with you, I resonate with you.

If I don't, I don't. I'm not trying to.

It's like when you understand you really only get one life. You stop giving two rats asses about what anybody has to

say. And in a relationship, like here's

say. And in a relationship, like here's another one for the Mr. Flame guy. Yeah.

I He met me dressed up. I tr typically dress like this all the time. All of a sudden, he would say, "Why don't you dress down? You always dressed up." I'm

dress down? You always dressed up." I'm

like, "But that's how you met me."

And it started digging away. I'm like,

"Wait a minute. Hell no. This is who I am. Like you, this is what you like when

am. Like you, this is what you like when you met me." And he says, "Well, you seem like you don't relax. It seemed

like you don't let your hair down." So,

one day I said, "All right, let me see what this feels looks like." I own maybe one two pair of jeans and I wore some jeans and a cutesy little shirt and I

felt so out of pocket and I'm like the hell am I doing? April,

you wear you like dresses and one day I was out. It was one time I went out and

was out. It was one time I went out and then we were smoking cigars. I had never smoked a cigar before and I said, "Oh, you guys, I have this cigar and I've never done this before." The internet

went crazy. A feminine woman doesn't um

went crazy. A feminine woman doesn't um doesn't smoke cigarettes. I'm like,

"Tell that to Lucille Ball. Tell that to all the women back in the day." Sexy as hell. That's what I thought. And I

hell. That's what I thought. And I

didn't I I didn't know what I didn't know what I was doing, but that's not femininity when you smoke a cigar. And

it was the first time this guy was showing us how to do it. And I posted it online. And so I got so much backlash

online. And so I got so much backlash about that. I'm like, "Oh, you guys

about that. I'm like, "Oh, you guys think femininity is a performative thing? You think I lose my femininity

thing? You think I lose my femininity because I chose to try out a cigar?"

And I said, "But all of the women, if you look at the movies back in the 40s, 50s, and 60s, some of the most feminine women, they had Virginia Slims." And I tell women, stop worrying about what

other people think. What do you think?

What I do love is that you tried it. I

think that's very tried. But I like it.

I I think that's important because when you're in a relationship, I used to be very dogmatic of this is who I am.

You're not changing because I was so afraid of someone coming and manipulating me. Yes. Because my ex did

manipulating me. Yes. Because my ex did that. So I came in very bull in the

that. So I came in very bull in the china shop. This is who I am. You know,

china shop. This is who I am. You know,

I'm not going to budge for every anybody. And then obviously I met my

anybody. And then obviously I met my husband. And over time, the thing that

husband. And over time, the thing that actually brought us together was him saying what he wanted, me saying what I wanted. Us giving it a shot. Yes. If

wanted. Us giving it a shot. Yes. If

it's aligned with our values, us giving it a shot and then going, "Nah, I don't like it." In that moment, I'm like,

like it." In that moment, I'm like, "Thank you for so much for trying." So I love that you still tried even if it wasn't aligned with who you know to be because you never know. Yes. That is

such a strong going back to this list of how we start to build our self worth to make sure that we never negotiate. So

for me, it wasn't just the outfit. It

was if we decide to be together, in order for him to feel comfortable with me, I'm going to have to be in this state majority of the time. That's what

it became for me. That's a masterclass in being able to see the through line.

Yes. That's what I call emotional intelligence and having intellectual maturity and awareness of who you're dealing with and yourself because women might try to soften it and be like, "Oh,

you know, it's not that big of a deal.

My life is they'll try to downplay it."

I just listened. And so when little things like how I dress came up, I said, "Okay, this is going to be something on a consistent basis." Because it wasn't all the time. even though he wasn't

necessarily saying it, I can. That's one

of the gifts I believe that the creator gave me. I'm able to see what's not

gave me. I'm able to see what's not being said. And I'm like, "Okay, if we

being said. And I'm like, "Okay, if we do this, he's going to always complain about my clothes." And another thing he said was that let me know was going to be an issue. He said, "Yeah, I looked online. I said, well, I wanted to see

online. I said, well, I wanted to see what's your what are you yapping about today? You think my job is yapping?"

today? You think my job is yapping?"

Duly noted.

Wow. Okay. you you're m you're master at this because those are the things that so many people can't see and it doesn't look like a red flag. Doesn't really

feel like a red flag in that moment.

It's like, "Oh, he wants me to dress down. Sure." And you don't realize that

down. Sure." And you don't realize that it becomes the dripping effect. That's

what it that's what it is. It's the

dripping effect. And I believe that the reason why women don't realize it is because they're not connected to their femininity spirituality sensuality and wisdom. That's the only four GPS

and wisdom. That's the only four GPS that women need. They can avoid narcissists, psychopaths, they can avoid non-committal men, they can avoid um emotionally unavailable men because when

you're connected to those things, there's only a certain point that they're going to allow you to get to.

And if you go over it, at that point, you are dishonoring yourself. That's

part of the master trap in the sense of if it was all the time, you would recognize it and then bang. And that's

where so much of my heart breaks when I hear from my community where they're like, "He was really nice. He was really kind. He was charming." And then four

kind. He was charming." And then four years later, you know, I I saw the other side of him and it was a disaster. The

thing is, we see it afterwards, right?

Yeah. Oh, always after. You see, oh, I hated the way he breathed when he ate. I

hate the way he chew. Oh my god, I never paid attention to it before. Oh my god, his wonders of his eyes went left. I

never saw it before. You know, it's that also why do you see it now? Why all of a sudden the rosecolored glasses come off?

What? What's changed? You don't like him anymore is what changed. It becomes

everything. And it's like, girl, all of this stuff we your friends probably are the ones trying to tell you. That's so

true. You turn the blind eye when it's when it's convenient. You turn the blind eye. That's why I believe that a man

eye. That's why I believe that a man cannot get over on a woman who takes her time to cultivate herself.

Men and fellas, they're not that bright when it comes to how they cover things. That's why they get caught cheating so much. Women, they

don't give things time to maturate. They

constantly are trying to get to the ring. Men aren't going to always show

ring. Men aren't going to always show you who they are always. That's why

you're able to see it later on down the line. Only thing that changed was you

line. Only thing that changed was you wanted him that much. You didn't have boundaries. You didn't respect yourself.

boundaries. You didn't respect yourself.

and you didn't love yourself enough to say this isn't for me and you live from a place of lack and that's one thing that I see women struggle with and I

used to do that until I completely made an identity switch and change. So your

pool, in my opinion, the pool of men that you decide to entertain, they should all be husband quality if that's what you want. At this point, it's all about seeing if your values, lifestyle,

standard, and attraction are in alignment. To me, that's an indicator of

alignment. To me, that's an indicator of your picker. That's an indicator of who

your picker. That's an indicator of who you're now. I'm not saying that men

you're now. I'm not saying that men can't get over, but it's very hard to get over on a woman who's connected to those four pillars because she has other forces working on her behalf. If we were

taught this stuff when we were five, when we were in kindergarten, then I think our pickle would be way better. I

think we wouldn't have a lot of these relationships where they've broken our heart and now we're just trying to come back. And so the echo of doing this work

back. And so the echo of doing this work means that you can find somebody that actually accepts you for who you are and loves you for you. And if you don't find somebody, you don't negotiate your own

worth. And here's the thing I want women

worth. And here's the thing I want women to understand. It doesn't mean you have

to understand. It doesn't mean you have to be mean. It doesn't mean you don't have to keep your warmth. It doesn't

mean you have to sound like a dictator or or very matterof fact. No. So for me, it's just a it's just a different energy you have to be in. You can't go in to

whether it's dating, whether it's life, feeling like somebody's always trying to out to get you. And you have to let go of your past experiences. Yeah. All

right. We're going to go few through a few more if that's all right. So, we've

got assertiveness, open-mindedness, curiosity optimism positivity thoughtfulness, sensitivity. That's where I'm at one I

sensitivity. That's where I'm at one I wanted to stop on. So talk to me about sensitivity because growing up I used to think that

being a strong woman meant that you shut off your emotion and you were stoic. So

talk to me about the power of sensitivity, how we can tap into it and why that's actually great for our self worth. First foremost, we have to stop

worth. First foremost, we have to stop being unbothered. We live in this

being unbothered. We live in this unbotheredness. Everybody acts like

unbotheredness. Everybody acts like nothing bothers them. And I remember my granddaughter was in kindergarten and I had to take her to to school the next day, but it was St. Patrick's Day. So,

we're at Walmart looking for a green shirt. And for a five-year-old, it was a

shirt. And for a five-year-old, it was a shirt that says, "Text me, don't call me." And I'm like,

me." And I'm like, why? Why? For a five-year-old, for a

why? Why? For a five-year-old, for a 5-year-old. And to me, my mind went to

5-year-old. And to me, my mind went to we don't feel we don't engage. And I

believe a lot of women, they don't want to feel because feelings never got them where they wanted to go and I need to show that I am strong. But yet, if I

show I'm sensitive and that I hurt and that I feel, somebody's going to take advantage of that. What women don't understand is when we hold that in, it's messing up our nervous system. Um,

you'll I don't know, you may not see it on camera, but I often have to go like you'll see me put my shoulders down. And

the reason is because I my body has started holding memory from the time I was a little girl to where I've always been clenched up. So I have to be so aware, Lisa, that once you play it, you might notice that I put my shoulders

down. That's because even though I'm

down. That's because even though I'm speaking with you, I have to be aware, April, your body is tensed. We have to have that level of awareness to every sensitivity that we have. And that's how

I started even healing my own nervous system. What does that first step look

system. What does that first step look like? How did you even get to the point

like? How did you even get to the point where you could recognize a your shoulders are up and then why your shoulders are up and where it stems from and underwiring that will help heal the

trauma. So the thing was I was on a date

trauma. So the thing was I was on a date and these dates are great by the way so much. I learned so much from my dates.

much. I learned so much from my dates.

So I was on a date and I noticed my body language was off. I enjoyed him but my body was saying something else and then I tuned in and I'm like why am I like this? Oh, but we were having great

this? Oh, but we were having great conversation and everything was going fine and I was thoroughly enthralled with him. It was just

beautiful. But my body was like sitting

beautiful. But my body was like sitting back. It was guarded. Yeah. Now, we

back. It was guarded. Yeah. Now, we

never went on another date. And I

thought about it. I'm like, I wonder now that I'm aware if my body language played a part in no regardless of what I was saying because they say what your body tells more like 70% than what your words can ever say or something like

that. So I often times when I'm out I'll

that. So I often times when I'm out I'll check in and then I'll just put my shoulders down. When I'm laying in the

shoulders down. When I'm laying in the bed I'll notice that I'm tense. So I'm

literally in the process of healing my nervous system because when you go through traumas and abuses your body starts holding the memory of of the trauma. And so I'm not in the trauma

trauma. And so I'm not in the trauma state mentally or emotionally but the body keeps score. So now I'm in that healing process. So I would say being

healing process. So I would say being okay in that with even those s body sensitivities, not just emotional, it's really is a um awareness.

How aware can you be with yourself? How

how can you tune in? One of the things that I teach my women to do to tune in, we have these expensive phones, get your phone, program your phone five times a

day and tell it to remind you, how am I feeling?

How how do I feel about myself today?

where am I at? And you just check in with yourself five times a day. That's

so powerful. Um, okay. So, we've got number 12, warmth. We've got number 13, charisma. Talk to me about charisma

charisma. Talk to me about charisma because this is one of these I've just done a lot of interviews on narcissists.

I hate to say, but if you see charisma with a guy, you should be a little careful. But I love that it's on your

careful. But I love that it's on your list of what we have to do to feel worthy. Talk to me about charisma,

worthy. Talk to me about charisma, especially in a woman. I love it cuz I have it like and I am not a narcissist or a psychopath. But for me, I believe

being charismatic and being fun and being free and being liberated in who you are, that's a beautiful thing. And

what people don't understand about it is charisma opens doors.

Women have lost charisma. They've lost

charm. They've lost sensuality.

Those are key components that open up doors. And honestly, a lot of women are

doors. And honestly, a lot of women are not financially where they need to be.

And those three things help you get to your money. It helps you transition your

your money. It helps you transition your finances. It's not just the hard work.

finances. It's not just the hard work.

It's not just the hard work. It's cuz

we're so used to hustling and grinding.

I'm anti-hustle, anti-g grind. I am more I'm going to use all of who April Mason is. The charisma, the sensuality, the

is. The charisma, the sensuality, the girl, and all of the things, the witty, oh, I love Woody Bzanter. I'm going to use that. But at the same time, I am

use that. But at the same time, I am going to still be what I call a feminine CEO. And I noticed when I started going

CEO. And I noticed when I started going at life that way, I started to heal my body and I made more money. It wasn't

the hustle and grind. So I often used my charisma and it opens doors because I'm just naturally like that. And sometimes

people will think, "Oh, maybe I don't want to be too much." Be her.

People are lacking fun, excitement, fantasy, enjoyment. You may not be like

fantasy, enjoyment. You may not be like me. You may be a little bit more

me. You may be a little bit more introverted, but you still can have charisma in how you show up in the world. You know, have a smile on your

world. You know, have a smile on your face. Get rid of the resting [ __ ] face.

face. Get rid of the resting [ __ ] face.

Stop looking like somebody's always bothering you, like you're always irritated. Oh, you're always looking

irritated. Oh, you're always looking like you you have a bowel movement that you're getting ready to take. Let's not

do that. Let's just be fun and exciting and have a little bit of charisma. And

also another part of that is be interested, not just interesting. When

you're interested in other people and you're genuinely interested in what they have going on in their life, that charisma that you have will transform everything. Lisa, I'm telling you,

everything. Lisa, I'm telling you, there's doors that have been opened for me that I don't know. I didn't know how I got into it because I wasn't I didn't have the degrees or the certifications and thing, but it was my charisma and

how I made people feel that opened up the door. You've got to the point now

the door. You've got to the point now where you can say like just be be charismatic. I can too. Like I've worked

charismatic. I can too. Like I've worked on my charisma. I've worked on opening up those gates and allowing it to come flooding because I was taught as a young kid, girls speak when spoken to. That

was literally a guy patted me on the head and said that. So you can imagine growing up I start to think if you're too much people won't like you that too

much. So the too much how do you take

much. So the too much how do you take that first step to then be okay with it.

And I would love for you to tell the story. I believe you are um starting

story. I believe you are um starting your own business and you are opening up a building. Oh you did your research. I

a building. Oh you did your research. I

did my research girl. I've read your book. I watch you. So now going to most

book. I watch you. So now going to most of us women play small. Yes. So that

story, um, I was opening up my headquarters in Atlanta and my best friend, Dr. Bobby Price, he I sent him the draft of the sign. I said, "Oh, Bobby, what do you think about this?"

And it said all things feminine social club cuz that's a part of the brand. And

he said, "April, that's nice, but why isn't your name on the front?"

I'm like, "Why be what?" He said, "All things women club is a part of the April Mason brand.

Why isn't that up there? So, I had to sit with that for about a couple of days. I said, April, so what is the

days. I said, April, so what is the issue with your name being on the building? One of the things that I've

building? One of the things that I've learned in this healing process is that when you have felt rejected or abandoned and you've gone through traumatic situations, for me, like I said, the 12

years of this uh sexual abuse, the the rapes, the I lived in a shelter, I lived in my car. Like when you've gone through all of these things, you don't always feel worthy and you don't want people to

see and you don't like conflict. So what

ended up happening is I'm laying in my bed and I'm like, "Okay, what is the problem?" And I had to realize I didn't

problem?" And I had to realize I didn't want to be seen. It was easy for me to get online, get my phone, say what I got to say, boom, bang, pow. But I can close

that and nobody ever knows where I am.

Me putting my name on that building made a statement. you had to see me. And

a statement. you had to see me. And

because I had not gotten the fear out of my body, like with the work that I'm doing now, I was always afraid. And I my body I lived in a state of fear all the

time. And I love them, but I do have

time. And I love them, but I do have some really interesting supporters like especially the men. They would show up.

God told me you were my wife. No, he

didn't. You know,

so I I would get some weird stuff to where I would be so afraid to go outside. And so I said, "How do you make

outside. And so I said, "How do you make yourself feel safe?" So one of the things that I did was I put a alarm system around my home. So I started doing things, you know, more tangible

things than just inner work. I was like, "Okay, feel a little safe. What else do you need to do?" I went and learned and how to shoot and got my gun license. So

great, I feel a little bit more safe. I

started putting myself out by myself.

Oh, more safety. And so I had to ask myself, what would make you feel comfortable in this all the time? And I

had to do more inner work to heal parts of me that made me feel unsafe. Why? And

it it stemmed the very thing that came to me is I didn't feel safe or protected as a child because if I had all of these things would not have happened. So

although I was young at the time, as an adult, it still was there and I was still functioning as if I was in survival mode. And I'm like, April,

survival mode. And I'm like, April, you're not in survival mode anymore, you know? And I had to really learn that. So

know? And I had to really learn that. So

I'm like, okay, April, keep working on making sure your body feels safe and maybe one day you don't have to worry about putting your shoulders down

because now your body is consumed with safety and not the trauma anymore.

I need to pause for a second because so I've done a lot of work, a lot of work on myself for years and years and years.

This is so deep. The way you connected the dots with everything that you just said with the whole shoulders, this is how real change happens. Like actual

real change. And a lot of women turn to me for the confidence. I grew up completely insecure. And so when people

completely insecure. And so when people turn to me and be like, "How do you have the confidence?" I'm like, it's years

the confidence?" I'm like, it's years and years. It's years and years of being

and years. It's years and years of being committed and dedicated to my change and my growth. Who do I want to be? And am I

my growth. Who do I want to be? And am I willing to do the work to get there? And

the answer was yes. And it's been a long road. But the things that you're saying

road. But the things that you're saying now really, and I've said it multiple times, is a masterclass. If anyone right now wants to have true change in their life relationship business anything

it's exactly what you just said. It's

the piecing apart, seeing how your body is, seeing how your body reacts, testing different things, seeing if it's good for you or not, and then leaning into it

or removing it. Yes. And that's what I have been doing. So, I'll say, "Okay, I sat in my femininity for so long that I've gotten the downloads that I need to

get of everything that I should be doing because I sat and I'm listening. I'm

only going to exert 15% of my masculinity to execute it. I'm not going to overdo it. Once I get tired, I'm going to go take a nap. And it took a while for me to get comfortable with that cuz I'm like, "Okay, I'm going to

go to my office, go to the computer, do what I need to do, talk to my team." But

my body starts saying, "You need to shut down." I'm like, "Dang, I'm in the

down." I'm like, "Dang, I'm in the middle of this, this, this, this, and this. You need to shut down." All right,

this. You need to shut down." All right, you guys. I'm going to leave. You guys

you guys. I'm going to leave. You guys

can handle it. And I would go home even if it was 1:00 in the afternoon.

switch my clothes, either get in my bed or sit on my couch, pull up a old I love black and white movies. Pull up a old black and white movie and I would just sit and watch it. Well, I can't believe

you didn't actually say the punchline.

Woman, you put your name on the I put my name on the building and the door and the door and people would come to town like and I would get pictures from people, Miss April, I stopped by your office. I stopped by your office. It

office. I stopped by your office. It

made me exa I had a little anxiety at first, but I'm like, "No, you're April freaking Mason. You've helped so many

freaking Mason. You've helped so many people transform their lives. You have a 90% success rate of helping women get engaged and married in a year. Why would

they not want to come to April Mason's headquarter?" So, I had to I became my

headquarter?" So, I had to I became my own hype woman. Yeah. When I went back and heard all of your stories about, you know, your childhood and then your ex, I was like, "Wow." The fact that you are

still able to show up confident, beautifully, graceful, like all of that, but still very high conviction of who you are.

There's a whole load of things that went along. Yes. With that. And it all

along. Yes. With that. And it all depends on what stage you're in. And the

thing that I say is don't compare my finish to your beginning. Yes. Yes. And

so what you're actually ahead of me now in that evolution and I want to make sure that I say that out loud because I think that's beautiful. And my little like putting my name on something. This

is only recent. So this logo I don't even know if my community has even noticed. Wow. But this is new. I never

noticed. Wow. But this is new. I never

had my name on it ever. My entire

channel was called Women of Impact. My

name didn't exist. And that I started the channel 5 years ago. About a year ago I changed the page to Lisa Billou, but my show is still called Women of

Impact. And this logo has only been up

Impact. And this logo has only been up for a few months going into I need stepping stones into owning who I am and what I bring to the table. And you can't

throw me in the deep end. I'm the person that drowns. I need that like little

that drowns. I need that like little ink. That's me little by little.

ink. That's me little by little.

Exactly. Yes. So you being able to share that story and say that you were the person that was like never even thinking about putting your name on. you then

doing the internal work, understanding why, and then making the decision to show up and really respect yourself. I

want really want to like shine a spotlight on that because if that's the end goal, no matter where someone is right now, they've got time and there's going to be a bunch of things they need to do to get there. Yes. And they have

to be okay with going through the emotional pain that comes with change.

Now, although we said some beautiful things, I'm not going to act like it's not challenging. No, give it a go. I

not challenging. No, give it a go. I

literally when I put my name on the building, I had to go against my fear.

Like I literally had to, okay, a you can do this. Okay, just put it on the

do this. Okay, just put it on the building. Close my eyes. Just put it on

building. Close my eyes. Just put it on the building. Just put it just put it up

the building. Just put it just put it up there. And I'm like this. And they put

there. And I'm like this. And they put it on the building. And then when I went by my building, I was like, oh my god.

Okay, quick. I'm going to see my name up there. And it was beautiful. It was up

there. And it was beautiful. It was up there, but I had to do it in the fear.

And doing it in the fear, it does what?

It gives you another level of safety.

Everything that I believe we're looking for as women is safety. And we cannot leave that to chance to somebody else to feel safe. We can't say when I get a

feel safe. We can't say when I get a man, I'm going to be more safe and protected. We have to create that for

protected. We have to create that for ourselves. Um, okay. There's a few more

ourselves. Um, okay. There's a few more actually that I just would love to go through if you're okay with that. So,

we're at charisma. So we've got elegance, got charm, sensuality, influence vision cultural social

awareness, environmental stewardship, moral support, ethnical integrity, and compassionate. Yes. So being

compassionate. Yes. So being

compassionate, that's one where I was like, I think everyone should be compassionate. I think that that is a

compassionate. I think that that is a very kind and um human thing to do for somebody. The problem is as a woman

somebody. The problem is as a woman sometimes you're so compassionate you ignore yourself and everything that you care about and you're pouring into a man let's just say for this example who is

wounded who has the pain and so you're so compassionate you're pouring yourself into trying to help them heal. Now the

problem is then now you've forgotten about yourself. Your self-care doesn't

about yourself. Your self-care doesn't come first. And so going through your

come first. And so going through your evolution, seeing where you've gone from being that type of woman to now this type of woman, building your self-worth, making sure you never settle, making

sure that the breadcrumbs aren't the thing that strings you along, knowing that you control your future is honestly a freaking gift I hope every woman can receive. and knowing that it's possible,

receive. and knowing that it's possible, knowing that you've done the work, knowing that today we've almost just like just the surface of the types of things that you've had to do in order to make sure that you have and build your

confidence has been beautiful. But um if people want to learn more, if people want to go deep into your world and actually start to put these into true practice, where can they go? Actually,

the best place to go to learn these skills is all things feminine.com.

That's where in there I don't teach anything about men. Men talk,

relationship talk is not allowed. Ah,

because I want women to separate their femininity, their womanhood from a relationship. I want them to get to

relationship. I want them to get to learn about who they are outside of what they give to everybody else. I challenge

you from your spirituality to we have a section all about home decor, health and wellness. We have like the a lot of

wellness. We have like the a lot of these subgroups for mothers, for wives.

I need you to get to the point to where you understand your femininity, spirituality, sensuality, and wisdom will be the GPS you use and not be able

to blame what you attract on anything else. But now you're responsible for

else. But now you're responsible for what you choose to entertain versus blaming it on what you attract. Cuz we

attract when when you have a light, you attract everything. But you also repel

attract everything. But you also repel certain things as well, too. Like I

can't remember the last time I had a man, a married man approach me. My

energy doesn't say that. Before my

energy didn't say that, they were coming out of the woodworks. When you learn your invisible value, there's things that you do not have to say. What do you say when a man ask you what bring what you bring to the table? I've never been

asked that because when you develop yourself, they can see it. That's what

All Things Feminine Social Club is about. And so in in September, my show

about. And so in in September, my show comes back, the feminine ear, where men are seen, heard, and understood. It's a

radio show where only men call in and ask me questions. Oh, so I'm doing something a little bit different for them because we've helped. We can't keep helping the ladies and then leaving the men out in the cold because these women

want these men, but they have to be developed as well, too. So, they can ask me questions and we can take we take it from there and hopefully there's a transformation that happens. That's so

cool, guys. Guys, us women have been brought up with a GPS system where we didn't even get a choice to plug in the destination that we were going. But

today, I really hope that you've learned that you get to control that. You get to control the direction and the path that you walk. It's just about taking the

you walk. It's just about taking the tools, learning the lessons, and like she said, taking the ownership. And yes,

it's not going to be easy. That yes,

you're going to hear some hard things, but yes, you're dedicated to doing the damn work because you know who you are today doesn't dictate the person that you can become. If you're willing to do the work right now, then the person you

want to be can be achieved. The choice

is yours. Guys, if you're not subscribed, smash that subscribe button down there. If you're not following me,

down there. If you're not following me, follow me at Lisa Billy. And until next time, be the hero of your own life.

Peace.

I like that. Be the hero of your own life. If you want to learn how to

life. If you want to learn how to actually step in and freaking own your worth and always always choose yourself unapologetically, then you got to watch

this interview right here.

I waited 55 years to get married because my story was I'm worthy of being a girlfriend.