bittersweet

Hey.

Hi.

How are you? Yeah, I am feeling a bit awkward today if I'm being honest because I have to sit you down and have a serious conversation with you today.

That's really what it feels like. Jokes

aside, it literally feels like I'm sitting down a friend to have a serious conversation. And that's never fun. Yes,

conversation. And that's never fun. Yes,

it can be productive and healthy and beautiful, but that doesn't mean it's easy. That doesn't mean it's fun. Hell,

easy. That doesn't mean it's fun. Hell,

it's never fun.

Today, I'm going to be giving you some news that I consider to be bittersweet.

For those of you who enjoy anything goes, it might be shitty news. For those

of you who hate anything goes, oh my god, this is going to be your favorite episode I ever make. In fact, turn it up. Turn it up. You're going to love

up. Turn it up. You're going to love this one. Let's just rip off the

this one. Let's just rip off the band-aid, okay? Let's stop beating

band-aid, okay? Let's stop beating around the bush. I am taking a little podcast break. Okay. Yep. Taking a

podcast break. Okay. Yep. Taking a

little podcast break. Now, let's rip the band-aid all the way off. Cuz I was just ripping it halfway off. Let's rip it all the way off. Now, I don't know how long the break's going to be. I wish I had answers for you. I don't have answers

for you. I'm taking an indefinite

for you. I'm taking an indefinite podcast break. Now, I know what you're

podcast break. Now, I know what you're thinking. Emma, that means quitting.

thinking. Emma, that means quitting.

That means you're done forever. Emma,

where did this come from? This is coming out of left field. I feel betrayed by you. [ __ ] you. You're a [ __ ] [ __ ]

you. [ __ ] you. You're a [ __ ] [ __ ] You suck. Go [ __ ] yourself. Go punch. go

You suck. Go [ __ ] yourself. Go punch. go

into the backyard and beat yourself up.

You're a [ __ ] and you suck and I'm unsubscribing and I'm blocking you and you s and you suck.

Honestly, if you feel that way about this news that I just gave you, I take that as a compliment cuz the fact that you enjoy this show enough to be mad at me is actually really nice. But yes,

okay, I understand all these feelings if you're feeling this way. Uh I also can't tell if I'm like, am I being too self-important? Like, does no one even

self-important? Like, does no one even give a [ __ ] You know what I mean? Am I

like, "Okay, you guys, let's rip off the band-aid with this bad news. I'm taking

a podcast break." And everyone's like, "Okay, okay, all good. See you later. Don't

care." I don't know. But sometimes when I speak about myself or what I do in this way to the audience, I'm like, "Wait, am I completely delusional and no

one really cares?" And I'm like, "Oh, I hope you're not mad at me that I'm doing." And then like everyone's like,

doing." And then like everyone's like, "Yeah, no one's mad. No one cares."

Well, just assuming that there's one person out there that is maybe a bit bummed by this news, I get it. It did

kind of come out of left field. However,

it has been something I've been ruminating on for a while now and been avoiding, but I ultimately had sort of

an aha moment about a month ago where I realized it was time to do this. And

once I knew that I needed to do it, it was like, "Okay, I got to do it." And I consider this episode, okay, that I'm making right now to be bittersweet. I

don't think it's sad because I actually feel really inspired by this decision.

It's not like I'm making this decision because I'm feeling really down in the dumps. I'm feeling really bummed out.

dumps. I'm feeling really bummed out.

I'm feeling really burnt out. I'm making

this decision because I know it's time to grow and evolve and restructure. go

back to the drawing board career-wise for me. And that's really scary because

for me. And that's really scary because when something's doing well, when something's working, it is not necessarily intuitive to say, "Okay, now

I'm going to take a break and go back to the drawing board." You know, it's not intuitive. It's intuitive to just

intuitive. It's intuitive to just continue. However, in my soul, and I

continue. However, in my soul, and I wish I could explain it, but I can't. in

my soul. I woke up one day and I knew that I needed to go back to the drawing board because I knew that the way I was doing this podcast, the way that I was

not even beyond this podcast, the the way that I was structuring my work life was not working for me. And it's up to

me to step back, make necessary changes, and then re-enter. And here's the thing, I'm not like disappearing off of the internet. The thing is with the podcast

internet. The thing is with the podcast is that the podcast is a scheduled thing, right? Whereas everything else is

thing, right? Whereas everything else is not. So that's why it feels necessary to

not. So that's why it feels necessary to come here and say taking a podcast break. And I'm not doing that with

break. And I'm not doing that with anything else. And I've never done that

anything else. And I've never done that with anything else in the past because it hasn't been on as rigid of a schedule. But going back to what I was

schedule. But going back to what I was saying, this is a bittersweet episode in my opinion because it's I'm not making this decision from a place of weakness,

of sadness. It's not coming from a place

of sadness. It's not coming from a place of burnout. It's coming from a place of

of burnout. It's coming from a place of excitement inspiration and the desire to restructure things in

a way that will actually allow me to create more of the things I want to create. Because I've always been

create. Because I've always been somebody that likes to do everything myself. I've always been someone that

myself. I've always been someone that has to have her little grimy hands on every single thing that she does. And

and listen, I will continue to be that way. However, there are various

way. However, there are various structural shifts that I can make in my career without sacrificing integrity that would actually allow me to create

more than what I'm creating now. Allow

me to put out more than what I'm putting out now if I just take a step back, go back to the drawing board, and figure out how. And I know I need to do this

out how. And I know I need to do this because again, I like woke up one day and just knew. And whenever I have intuitive feelings like that, I really

try to honor them. And I will say, I've been kind of feeling that for a little bit and kind of ignoring it. And then I woke up one day and it was really loud and I just knew. And now we're here and

this decision has been made. But it's

ultimately because there's more things that I want to do and in order to do those things, I need to restructure if that makes sense. And I don't really

want to elaborate on what that means because I tend to prefer to work in silence, figure it out on my own, and then come back when it's finished, you

know, and so I'm sorry for being vague, but that's one thing. Another thing is in addition to more of a technical

restructuring of my career, I also am feeling really inspired by the idea of not being on a schedule, not being on a schedule at all, which is a luxury and a

privilege that I do not take for granted that I'm able to do that. But I would love to just have some time to like create freely. this idea of like freedom

create freely. this idea of like freedom where I could make whatever I wanted. If

I wanted to make a podcast episodes one week, I could do that. If I wanted to make four YouTube videos one week, don't get any ideas, but I'm just saying like if I wanted to make four YouTube videos one week, I could do that. If I wanted

to make 50 Instagram reels, I could do that. If I wanted to spend an entire

that. If I wanted to spend an entire month just working on Chamberlain Coffee and that's it. If I wanted to, I would like to have a period of time where I could experience that without a

schedule. And I feel like that would be

schedule. And I feel like that would be really inspiring for me and I want to give myself that. So that's another thing. And last but not least, I have

thing. And last but not least, I have been podcasting for 7 years now. I think

I started in 2019 with Stupid Genius and then I started Anything Goes. Stupid

Genius was my first podcast. Um, if you remember Stupid Genius, uh, wo I love you that you ever listened to that. Uh, and then I think I started

to that. Uh, and then I think I started Anything Goes in 2021, maybe 2020, I don't remember, but it's been like six, seven years now. And I have not taken

more than, you know, maybe a month off since I started really. I mean, maybe maybe between stupid genius and anything goes. Listen, you get the idea. I've

goes. Listen, you get the idea. I've

been going pretty consistently for six or seven years. And I think psychologically, I think it would be nice to experience a little break where I just can live my life and not think about how I'm gonna

make an episode about it. I think that would be really beneficial for me, my mental health, the health of my mental.

I think it would be really nice for me and ultimately healthy to have that. You

know, the interesting thing about podcasting is that it's usually weekly with very few breaks during the year.

That's sort of the common structure.

Maybe a week off here or there for some shows, maybe a month off for the holidays for other shows, but for the most part, it's pretty consistent. But

if you think about TV shows or musicians, a season will be put out or an album will be put out and then there's a bit of incubation before the

next sort of era, the next season or the next album or whatever. And I feel like I need a little incubation phase.

However, I don't necessarily think this is going to be an incubation phase because I do have things that I want to just like make for fun, not on a schedule. And so, I don't think I'm I'm

schedule. And so, I don't think I'm I'm not like disappearing off the internet.

I'm not like going full incubation phase, like disappearing. There's even a chance that I might start posting more just on my other YouTube channel or on Instagram. Like I don't even I I don't

Instagram. Like I don't even I I don't even know. It's kind of cringe to talk

even know. It's kind of cringe to talk about this stuff out loud, too. Being

like listen, this is my this is my strategy. Like I don't I don't I don't

strategy. Like I don't I don't I don't really have a strategy. This episode is kind of all over the place, but to be honest, my brain is kind of all over the place. I think that's pretty

place. I think that's pretty representative of where my head's at.

And I wish I had a more clear direction to explain to you, but I don't really have that. And I think that's why I put

have that. And I think that's why I put off making this episode for a few weeks cuz I was like, let me just take a few weeks to gather my thoughts and figure out where I'm going. But I don't think I

can even discuss it yet. I think I need a little bit more time. But I'm feeling really positive. Okay. Feeling really

really positive. Okay. Feeling really

inspired. I I do have a lot of ideas of things that I want to try. However,

because they're just things I want to try, I don't necessarily want to talk about them because it's like if it doesn't work out, I don't end up liking the types of things I want to try to

make for entertainment for you all. If I

don't end up liking doing those things, if they don't work out, I don't want to feel like I made a promise I couldn't keep. But ultimately, I want to

keep. But ultimately, I want to entertain you all. I want to hang out with you all. That is my number one priority. And I feel like I could be

priority. And I feel like I could be doing that even better than I'm doing now. I'm like 99.9%

now. I'm like 99.9% confident in that. But I also know that in order to do that, I have to sort of wipe the canvas clean and paint a new

painting of like what that looks like.

Because what I've been doing, which is mainly, you know, focusing on the podcast, is not allowing me to sort of diversify the type of entertainment that

I get to make for those of you who want to consume it. And diversifying my output for you all in creating various different types of entertainment for you

all is really important to me. And I

need to restructure things so that I can feasibly do that cuz it's been really hard for me to balance all the different mediums that I enjoy creating content

for. It's it's been really hard for me

for. It's it's been really hard for me to do it all because I do everything myself. It's been like very challenging

myself. It's been like very challenging for me to create a satisfying amount of content for all the different platforms that I want to create content for an entertainment for, if you will. And so

that's what I need to go figure out. and

then hopefully I come back to you with things that you really enjoy to watch and listen to. Because that's the thing, too. I love podcasting. I really

thing, too. I love podcasting. I really

really do enjoy it and it's something that I've been doing very consistently for so many years that I the the thought of like taking a little break from it is

kind of incomprehensible to me. But my

ultimate love and passion is in visual entertainment. That's where my heart

entertainment. That's where my heart lies. But I also really love podcasting.

lies. But I also really love podcasting.

So I got kind of into this sort of routine of making two episodes a week for for three years and then this year down to one episode a week. And that was

so allconsuming that it left me not much time to create visual video style content and that's something that I really miss doing that I want to be able to get back to but it's very

timeconuming cuz I tend to like to edit things myself etc. I just need to figure out how I can do everything I want to do all at once. You know what I mean? And

not have to sacrifice one thing to do the other, if that makes sense. And that

requires going back to the drawing board. And I just want to say to all of

board. And I just want to say to all of you who have listened to Anything Goes for the last what, five or 6 years, I want to deeply thank you for hanging out

with me. Okay? Truly, I love this

with me. Okay? Truly, I love this podcast. I love hanging out with you

podcast. I love hanging out with you all. anything goes is not going away

all. anything goes is not going away forever. Okay? I can't give you a a plan

forever. Okay? I can't give you a a plan or a date. I can't give you anything because I don't even know yet. But just

know that I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. And this is ultimately a

anywhere. And this is ultimately a decision I'm making so that I can create more. Does that make sense? It's it's

more. Does that make sense? It's it's

like it's ultimately very positive and it's going to result in in there will be fruit. It will bear fruit this decision.

fruit. It will bear fruit this decision.

It's not like, oh my god, she's like quitting this and now she's like cuz she [ __ ] is a lazy sack of [ __ ] and she's disappearing and she's going to because she's lazy, you know? It's not that. I

promise you. I promise you it's not that. I promise you it's that I've felt

that. I promise you it's that I've felt frustrated for years feeling like h there's so many things I want to do and I want to make for entertainment for these people and I don't have the

[ __ ] time to do all of it because I'm not structuring this properly and I've been struggling with that for years and I cannot do it anymore you know and on top of that I'm inspired and have all

these ideas of things I want to try but I haven't had time to try them because I've been in the minutia of you know the sort work life that I've structured for

myself. And so this is ultimately a very

myself. And so this is ultimately a very positive, productive, awesome thing. And I'm

excited because I I am very deeply passionate about creating things for you. Now, whoever you are, you know, it

you. Now, whoever you are, you know, it doesn't even matter. Whoever you are who wants to consume it, this is my ultimate passion and I want to be able to do it more. So that's where this is coming

more. So that's where this is coming from. Seems a bit counterintuitive.

from. Seems a bit counterintuitive.

seems a bit counterintuitive, but that's where it's coming from. And I deeply thank you all for supporting me and in this podcast

throughout the years. I'm not going anywhere. Maybe I am for a little bit,

anywhere. Maybe I am for a little bit, but ultimately in the grand scheme of things, I'm not going anywhere. And I

really deeply cherish what we've created here. And uh I do not take it for

here. And uh I do not take it for granted. And I'm not just running away

granted. And I'm not just running away or anything like that. I'm weirdly like emotional. I'm like, what the [ __ ]

emotional. I'm like, what the [ __ ] Wait, why is this what is happening? What? Uh, like my eye kind of got a little watery. I was like, oo, what's that? There's probably a

trillion things that I am forgetting to say. But my brain's kind of mush to be

say. But my brain's kind of mush to be honest because I think I had a lot of anxiety going into making this episode, but I'm feeling a lot better now that we've communicated. See, look at the

we've communicated. See, look at the power of communication. what I've always said on this show, anything goes. The

power of communication. It's powerful.

It really is. I'm not going to lie, I'm nervous because I think the second I stop recording this episode, the second I turn off the buttons, it's like, "Okay, Emma, now what the [ __ ] are you

going to do?"

You like, you know what you have to do, but like now you got to go do it. You

know, it's kind of that. And that's

really exciting, but also a little bit terrifying. Anyway, not to be overly

terrifying. Anyway, not to be overly parasocial, but I do love and appreciate you all. And I'm grateful that you all

you all. And I'm grateful that you all show up for me. To those of you who do show up for me, I'm very grateful. And I

hope that you can feel my gratitude through the screen. And with all of that being said, I'll talk to you very soon.

And listen, again, you're going to be like, "Emma didn't even disappear. She

like posted on Instagram and then she like randomly posted a YouTube video like or and then she like randomly posted a like I don't know. I don't know what's happening. I don't know what's

happening. I don't know what's happening. So you just have to

happening. So you just have to just I'll probably talk to you sooner than you think. Okay. I love you all.

I love you and I'm going to make you proud. Okay. I promise you I will.

proud. Okay. I promise you I will.