Blackadder-Season 1 E 01-The Foretelling

history has known many great Liars cernus Geral sent Ralph the liar but there have been none quite so vile as the tutor

King Henry iith it was he who rewrote history to portray his predecessor Richard III as a deformed Maniac who killed his nephews in the

tower but the real truth is that Richard was a kind and thoughtful man man who cherished his young Wards in particular Richard Duke of York

who grew into a big strong boy Henry also claimed he won the Battle of Bosworth field and killed Richard III again the truth is very different for it

was Richard Duke of York who became king after Bosworth field and reigned for 13 glorious years as for who really killed Richard III and how the defeated Henry

Tudor escaped with his life all is revealed in this the first chapter of a history never before told the history of the black [Music]

[Applause] [Music] [Applause]

[Music] AB [Music] [Applause]

[Music] [Applause]

[Music] [Music] on [Applause] silence

Silence of the king now is the summer of our sweet content made Earth cast Winter by these

Jer clouds and eyes that am not shaped for black-faced dwarf I that am rud they cast and want true

majesty and forc to to set sweet England free I pray to heaven we farewell and all who fight us go to

hell absolutely hooray that I know not my Lord I ask my son Harry who is back it is your other son

my Lord it is my other son my Lord might see with us on the tomorrow what's his name edman edma

fight you with us on the tomorrow H oh goodness no no I thought I'd fight with the

[Laughter] Enemy you're uh not putting him anywhere near me are you no no he'll be somewhere

amongst the ra oh Arrow father prid what a little turd pery you see how the king picks me

out for special greeting no my Lord I saw it my Lord ah and what is your name little fellow my name is bck my Lord

then I shall call you B I shall call you my my Lord I like the cut of your jib young Shamy lad how' you like to be my Squire in the battle

tomorrow it would be a great day tomorrow for we Nobles well not if we lose fessy if we lose I'll be CH to Pieces my arms land up in essics my

torso in norol and my genetalia stuck up a tree somewhere in Rutland the hell my Lord we cannot lose well we could if we wanted to ah

but we won't py and I shall prove to all that I am a man but you are a man but how shall it be proved FY well it could look up that train

R it shall be proved by m enemies rushing to the water closet in Terror hooray hooray come toast let all those

who go to Dawn armor tomorrow remember to go before they Dawn armor tomorrow hey already I can hear the sound of battle ringing in my

[Music] ears once more until the breach dear friends once more consign their parts

most private to a Rutland let blood blood black be your mot snake that giz

that now I'm afraid this going to have to be a certain amount of violence but at least we know it's all

in a good C don't we and gentlemen in London still a bed shall think themselves a cursed they

were not here and hold their manhood cheap While others speak of those who thought with us on Ralph the liar

day [Music] Edmund oh mother what do you want did you want to go to the battle this

morning my God on the [Music] clock Lord what it where is this battle at oh somewhere called Bosworth field

[Music] ah damn damn first decent battle since I reach puberty we are my

Lord onward B to Glory yes um I'm not so sure what needed you know I mean everything seems to be

going very well isn't it everyone's fighting clearly having the time of Their Lives why something over there not

fighting they they're just lying down they're dead Mar DN I knew i' something you excuse me a

[Applause] moment your majesty You've Lost Your Steed take mine no no no I've won the battle I've saved the kingdom I think I

can find myself a horse true my Noble Lord I'll see you back in the castle s it hey

horse a horse my king a horse ah ay oh that's my horse

[Applause] [Laughter] [Music] you won't be doing that again now will you oh my God it's Uncle

Richard what's up my Lord oh dear Richard the

third what you going to do Qui

[Music] quick Lord

[Music] wait wait well

done where's the head I can't be expected to carry everything py you brainless son of a prostitute where have you

been I've just proved that I'm a man look what I found oh thank God Qui pressy quick put it down and let's black get out of here no no no no no I found it it's mine what do you mean it's yours

I'm go to you it to prove that I killed a nobleman and which nobleman pray uh well it's the king

actually lost All Is Lost what flee flee oh my God quick let's get out of here take me with you get your hands off if

you leave me alone here I'll die if you don't leave me alone I'll kill you myself now leave him here come on I'll give you you

money 10,000 [Music] sovereigns Edmund dear how did it go within seconds Henry chuda will be here

at our gates oh but Edmund I'm not ready I haven't had a BS or anything mother Henry is our enemy when his men get here they'll brutally ravish you and every

woman in the castle oh well I shallan bother to change then Lord what you want listen oh my God they're here already

run for your lives Run for the hills no my Lord they they're coming from the hills sorry run away from the Hills run away from the hills if you see the Hills run the other way no my lord it's all

right they're flying the banners of our King Richard what's impossible he's dead isn't he King Richard dead yes H God knows

how oh dear that's really upset the julip part those flags per OB just a cunning trick to deceive Us in the stage no I don't think it is a cunning well no it's not a particularly C trick could be

seen through it but they thought it was CNY when they it mean I don't what do you think someone else sorted after they borrowed it for the occasion no my Lord I don't think it's a trick at all you don't think R up to a cast or somewhere

else's bed there was a trick well now I suppose it is it's only your father who lock that Bloody Door Richard it's you well who'

you expect it to be woman I thought it would be Henry tulip Henry tulip have you lost your

conquers so you won yes of course we won we won Victory so I suppose now you want to Ravish me in a

moment's insatiable Three Cheers For Good King Richard H ha

huz all we need now is good King Richard to be here and the day shall be complete oh yes what a pity he's

dead what well who told you that well Edmund is this true well I wouldn't know really I was

nowhere near him at the time I just heard from someone that he'd uh uh I mean I don't even know where he was killed I was completely on the opposite side of the field I was nowhere near the

cottage not was the cottage it was a river but that I wouldn't know of course because I wasn't there but apparently some fool cut his head off or at least

killed him in some way but took an air off or something yes yes in fact I think he was inly wounded ah or was that somebody else yes I think it was he

wasn't even wounded why did someone say he was dead yes what it's true my Lord I stumbled on his body myself oh pardon me

thou bleeding piece of Earth enough of that singk you hry thank you

Harry yes and we all know who did this Dreadful deed don't way Henry and he still RS

free Harry call for silence silence for the king

[Music] Long Live King Richard

the this day has been as t a mighty stew in which the beef of victory was mixed with a vile turnip of sweet Richard

slain and the grizzly dumpling of his killer fled but we must eat the yellow wobbly

parts serves in life each man gets what he deserves well come on let's go and kill some more [Music]

prisoners ho we're safe and I am a prince of the realm huz can you imagine the power it's ours

all ours what yours all yours ah Edmund there you are now I know it's a little early but I just like to get these uh battle averages sorted out

now then who did you kill today no one no one oh dear right uh I'll put you down for a duck then which I'm afraid takes you out of the running

for the Legion of Honor oh I see sorry sorry I thought you meant had I killed King Richard

what what was the question who did you kill today oh I see uh right uh let's see

um pedant what Pleasant pant p p peasants peasants there are a lot of peasants but they don't really

count do they only in the event of a tie nevertheless how many did you kill oh W 400

400 and 400 and 50 450 good Lord that three times more than myself yes we had a couple of Lucky

breaks any Nobles ah let me see Nobles um I think L Lord Coverdale who fought on our side I believe yes I think Lord

Coverdale saw me slaying um wari wari the wild of Lester yes that's him I'm pretty wild he was too took some finishing off I can tell you yes indeed

I killed him myself at one point anyone else um um let me see uh just trying to put names to faces yes well this is the

list of the Lords as yet unaccounted for um Roger Dy oh Dy yes he was one of mine yes uh Lord Thomas of Devon ah yes

backslash Lord yel ah yes grin job good remarkable remarkable oh and the bishop of bar and well ah yes we'll never walk

again we'll conduct the Thanksgiving sir of B and Wells ah Lord Percy Edmond tells me that you managed to turn up late for the

battle so there's not much point in asking you your score is [Music] there at last I can

[Music] relax who the hell is this ah well you remember that dying man we saw in the cottage the one I specifically told you not to bring back to the castle under

any circumstances yes that's the one yes so what is he doing in my bed well he claims to be a wealthy man I thought if we nurse him back to health he may

reward us now wait I think I have an idea if he is a wealthy man and we nurse him back to health he may reward us oh

brilliant my Lord very quick thinking thank you B well what would you expect after all who has the fastest brain in the land

Prince Edmond Duke of Edinburgh who is the boldest horseman in the land Prince edman Duke of Edinburgh who is the bravest swordsman in the land oh don't

tell me that said ill from nor precisely or as I shall be known from now on the black

vegetable my Lord wouldn't something like the Black Adder sound better no wait I think I have a

better idea what about the black ad that one that pair that

one [Music] [Applause]

[Music] very witty my Lord thank you morck very very very witty my Lord thany you're

certainly Wittier than your father my Lord yes and head and shoulders over Rich the third is it supposed to be

witty no my Lord that that was an example of the sort of thing that you yourself would not scoop to go away yes my [Music]

[Applause] Lord now you're still here are you uh yes [Music]

wait a moment haven't I seen you somewh before I don't know I feel that I've seen you before also well I am Prince

Edmund son of Richard I 4 in fact why who are you I'm not important not important you mean you're not rich no yes yes I'm incredibly Rich I'm I'm a

very wealthy uh modest person who wishes to remain nameless well you'd better be rich get your money together get better and get out of my bed is that

clear oh yes there [Music] istion and hello to you

hello hello could this me I hadn't expected to see you like this sitting down you mean

yeah yes that's right sitting down goodness look look you're sitting down yeah good I I haven't seen you sitting

down since uh yesterday was it only yesterday good Lord um well how was your battle fine

somebody cut my head off at one point but otherwise everything went swimmingly how are you Edna Edmund oh your father told me Edna oh no no so Edna you loome

little fairy maggot how are you uh oh how how very very kind of you to ask um your majesty I'm very well and uh and

it's very good to see you because frankly yes well well well frankly uh gosh you look well frankly what spit it

out you horrid little scabby reptile um well frankly everyone thought you were dead well frankly I

am don't come in no don't come in why not have you got someone in there with

you um not as such is it the woman no is it a man um uh yes yes it is you hesitated Edmund

it's not a sheep is it isn't a sheep well then let me in so farewell Edna you'll be seeing me

later um have uh have you got transport um perhaps you'd like to borrow my horse again oh or at all I mean not that You' bored it

before coming are you all right Edmund oh you look as if you've just seen a ghost He is hurry up anyway

you're expected at the banquet um look um mother uh you won't tell anyone about my oversleeping h morning and and what have you now will you now would I Edmund

do I tell people that your brother Harry is scared of spoons or that your father has very small private parts oh [Music]

M oh Edmund it's the lying I find so hurtful [Music]

you're sting right up here so sorry I wait oh you dare sit there boy that was King Richard Saint

would you insult his ghost um no no sorry yes find your own chair you smelly little dog's

pizzle how many prises have you got Harry I still down the dungeons send the bra to my room will you very well you want them h no fresh ones I want to practice my

back I don't think you need to the way you slaughtered oh I wish Uncle Dicky was here don't Dicky me ducky tonight honored friends we are

gathered to celebrate a great Victory and to mourn a great loss a toast to our Triumph our Triumph

and I raise our Royal cast upon the man who slew Richard our Noble King it was

him oh my God Qui the end there whoever it was it was him edner whever he be he's down there at the end he shall be struck down well then get on with it you

stupid o he's there it wasn't me who said that he idiot me this after I didn't well then who did it was actually Edmund who interrupted sir hang the

little slug I will hurt silence another toast to dead King Richard oh God [Music]

gentlemen thank you thank you very much for nothing thank you so much that's the last you'll be seeing of me not that you've seen much of me in

any now that we have silence we shall continue with the ceremony of desecration produce the portrait of The

Pretender Henry [Music]

Tuda how I [Music]

God good evening where's Henry [Music] chuda where is he where is he than you

[Applause] said o hail hail ruler of men ravisher of women

Slayer of Kings be gone hideous crows be not amazed be not overcome with fear be not paralyzed with

Terror why have you lured me here you loome drabs we bear good new news what news could such repulsive harbingers

convey today has brought Misfortune but one day oh glorious day one day oh happy day

day yes you shall be K yes your

majesty well that is good news it God be with you you snaggle tooth bers history here I

come the of the Glade good lock up your son and daugh beware the ti flashing

blade unless you want to end the black black he a pitch black

Ste black black he's very bad

indeed black is gloves of finest mole black is C made of me his horse is blacker than

a his heart is blacker than his black black we with Mania cing

plan black black you hard little

man he wasn't as I expected him I thought he was very rude I thought Henry Tuda would be better looking yes not so

Jewish oh like that man who rode by just before silly [Music] WI