Brian Tells Her EXACTLY Why She Doesn’t Deserve Chivalry

Like can I ask you a question? Would you

like a guy uh to to be chivalous?

>> Yeah.

>> Okay. So, you want >> Everyone wants that, right?

>> Women want it. Men don't have any expectation for women to be chivalous.

>> Um do you want a guy to like uh I don't know, maybe there's different forms of it. Uh open the car door for you.

it. Uh open the car door for you.

>> Mhm.

>> Okay. You want a guy to observe the sidewalk rule so when you're walking down the street, he's closer to where the cars are.

>> Yeah.

>> Okay. Do you want a guy to pay for the first date?

>> Yeah.

>> Second date?

>> Yeah.

>> All dates, >> preferably.

>> Okay. [laughter] All right. So,

>> interest. That's That's interesting. Um,

what's some other chivalry?

>> I'm surprised, too.

>> Yeah.

>> Would you want a guy to like pick you up for a date? Like, he picks you up or >> Yeah. I don't know. The act of bowing. I

>> Yeah. I don't know. The act of bowing. I

don't know. Personally, for me, it just feels like degrading, if that makes sense.

>> Well, how so?

>> Just like I don't know. I just feel like >> Do you want to get married one day?

>> Yeah, sure. Okay.

>> Maybe. I don't I don't >> Do you want him to buy you a ring?

>> Yeah.

>> Okay. Does it you do you care if it's some people there's like really cheap like $20 rings on Amazon. Would that

bother you?

>> I wouldn't bo I don't >> like the tradition would be to, you know, some people go overboard, but the tradition is to spend, you know, buy a nice ring, right? Maybe it's a couple hundred, maybe it's in the thousands.

>> As long as it comes with thought and like they know what I like.

>> Do you want a man to get down on one knee when he proposes to you?

>> He doesn't have to. Well, I'm assuming you want the man to propose, right? Like

you don't want to propose, do you?

>> Like you'd want the man to be the do the traditional thing.

>> Yeah.

>> So, he proposes to you.

>> Mhm.

>> And part of that typically entails having the ring and getting down on one knee, >> right?

>> Why is this not degrading? It's an act of chivalry in compar like do you think bowing is an act of sh I mean I guess >> well women don't do that but I think women will show their submission in various ways but uh and but you probably

completely reject being submissive in a relationship but I would say that I actually think that getting down on one knee kneeling >> Mhm.

>> is way uh well physically it's it's way more submissive and I think it's way more degrading than a bow. At least a bow, you stay on

your feet. Kneeling is some No, it's

your feet. Kneeling is some No, it's [ __ ] [ __ ] That's That's I think it's degrading to me.

>> Don't you think it's more gentlemanlike though? Like in comparison like don't

though? Like in comparison like don't you think like majority of people would think like proposing getting on one knee and like that's more like chivalous and gentleman comparison to like you're getting your girlfriend to bow for you,

you know?

Well, I think it's within the purview of chivalry, but if we're looking at the actual action, and I I think I'm understanding you're you're saying that, okay, people at least in Western

cultures don't bow, like white people don't bow. Um

don't bow. Um although there like historically, if we're looking at like kings and whatever, yes, that people did bow, but that's besides the point. Uh whereas

like it is the it is a tradition even today when a man's proposing to a woman to get down on one knee, right? It's not

it's deemed like a socially acceptable hip behavior whereas the bow is not.

>> But the bow is really just a litmus test for are you willing to do a completely benign harmless thing if your man asks for it.

>> I just don't think I'm comfortable doing it. That's

it. That's >> what can you can you >> if I'm uncomfortable in a situation like I don't want to do it.

>> But demonstrate the harm.

>> It's harm for me. Like I just don't feel like it just doesn't feel right in my head to do it.

>> But demonstrate. Yeah. Okay. But what is the harm >> like physical or like >> Well, what would the actual harm be?

>> Just feel like not like I don't I don't know. I just

know. I just >> I think we're watching cognitive dissonance in real time. I think that's what it is. It's you want the and and I've been there too. You want the chivalry and the feminism, but that's

not it's not a reality. You're going to have to war with that idea and you're going to have to come to a a winner of the of the battle. You can't say, "I want all the civil stuff," but your husband asks you to do one

>> one minor, you know, subservient act, and you're like, "No, why would I do that?" Well, why would we expect him to

that?" Well, why would we expect him to open your car door, stand on the side, and do this?

>> Well, I don't expect him to do it. I

would prefer him to do it, but it's the same thing. He would prefer me to bow,

same thing. He would prefer me to bow, but I don't want to do that. So,

>> well, I I mean, I argue most of the men that you go out with pretty much are not going to hold you to any sort of traditional expectations.

>> Well, yeah. Yeah. You liberal.

>> Like, here's my question. Like,

[laughter] all those but all those things that we just listed, >> what is the commensurate thing that women can do that that would be I'm not saying that the woman has to open the

car door, but what is the commensurate thing, the equivalent thing that women can do?

So how do you be chivalous to a man?

>> Well, not chivalous but what so if women have the expectations >> what are the expectations

or what what do women do?

>> I mean like no they they obviously do stuff >> which is what >> they could >> what do you do >> what I do in a relationship? Well, what

maybe not in a relationship, >> but uh what are the things that women do that are equivalent or commensurate to the various chival chivalous acts that

women uh want or sometimes even demand or expect at the very forefront of dating and relationships?

>> Feel like it depends on the person. I

mean, >> they don't do anything.

>> No, that's like you I feel like usually women like cook and stuff and like do like laundry for Yeah. Oh, okay. So,

>> well, I mean, I had another position. I

think the first time a girl ever comes over to my house, she should do my laundry. Would you do that?

laundry. Would you do that?

>> Not for me. I'm just

>> Would you do that? [laughter]

>> Like a first like date kind of thing?

>> Not necessarily the first date, but the first time you're at his house?

>> I don't think I would.

>> You don't think you would do it?

>> No. I wouldn't expect him to like [clears throat] >> You expect a guy to pay for your date, though?

>> Yeah. That's I mean would would you really go want to go on a date with a guy that doesn't want to pay like >> well I'm a man and straight so but I assume gay people go about things quite

differently but >> uh you're Wait on can you repeat that last part?

>> Like wouldn't you would any like woman really want to go on a date with a guy that doesn't want to pay?

>> Now we're getting somewhere interesting.

Okay.

>> I've paid for guys on dates.

>> I've paid for guys on dates too. Okay.

Why do you say why do you say would a woman really want to go on a date with somebody who doesn't want to pay? Why is

that?

>> Well, it's cuz usually the guy's like asking you out on the date. I feel like it's the mainly the respectful thing to do.

>> Have you ever asked a guy out on a date?

>> No.

>> Ah, okay. So, you're getting into whoever asks should pay, but whoever asks should pay conveniently ignores the fact that women overwhelmingly never

initiate because there's a order of things and men historically have this uh societal expectation that they initiate.

Like for example, as a woman, you can wait around and guys will come to you whether that's in person, online, and you don't have to do that and you can pick amongst the men that pursue you.

>> Mhm. Unless you're like a really top tier man, women don't pursue. So most

men, if if most men did what most women do, which is nothing, uh they would divergence. Like most men can't get away

divergence. Like most men can't get away with not taking some degree of initiative or engaging in the pursuit because women don't pursue them.

>> Yeah, >> that's just the reality, right? Mhm.

>> So I guess when it comes to whoever asked should pay, I would agree with that sentiment if it was the case that men and women initiated at comparable rates.

>> Even if it was maybe a bit dominated by men. So if 60% of the time the men

men. So if 60% of the time the men initiated, 40% of the time the woman initiated, I'd still be prepared to agree with that. But it's definitely not 50/50 and it's definitely not even

60/40. I think it's probably 97 to one

60/40. I think it's probably 97 to one 99%.

Men are overwhelmingly the initiators, right? And I I don't think there's a

right? And I I don't think there's a problem with that. I'm not complaining, but I do think it is sort of this, you know, convenient uh thing to just say, well, men are if

you ask somebody out, well, you should pay. Well, if there's like massive

pay. Well, if there's like massive social pressure that precludes women from being initiators, well, I don't know if it's social pressure, more so like a place of privilege. Like, if a

girl comes to me, like, y'all y'all have had this [ __ ] on lock for a minute.

Things are changing a little bit. But

like, you have way more leverage. If

you're the one being pursued, you have way more leverage. Women don't want to give up their leverage. If a girl's coming to me, I can set what it's going

to be. I can dictate the terms. Now, you

to be. I can dictate the terms. Now, you can still kind of do that as the pursuer to some degree, but like if a girl's coming to you, it's going to be my way. Things are

going to be my way if a girl's coming to me. And whereas the reverse, things are

me. And whereas the reverse, things are a little different. So,

>> yeah. I also think it's interesting how like I think you kind of listed a lot of like wants and expectations from a man.

Then you have to really think like it's almost like why should you get that if you're not willing to like give a little as well. And I'm not even talking about

as well. And I'm not even talking about finances or anything that I'm talking about again that submission. You know

what I'm saying? So it's like pay for this, open my door, protect me this this this let me but let me do whatever I want as well.

>> But like in the context of bowing like I just I just don't feel comfortable. Like

I feel I don't know. I just I would feel bad about myself and I I'd hope like my partner wouldn't want me to feel bad about myself if I do this action for them. So, I'd hope that they'd like

them. So, I'd hope that they'd like understand that.

>> I you know, it's I I understand that and I get the bow like culturally is peculiar. It's unorthodox. It's not

peculiar. It's unorthodox. It's not

something that we do. Um but in this case, something that I mean I asked about the the cooking or the cleaning or the doing the laundry. Uh, and what's

interesting to me is, and I'm not saying this is the case for you, but like you'll have women who will have no

problem having uh, sex right away, have uh, you know, and I'm not saying that that's wrong, but I think it's interesting. On one hand, you'll have a

interesting. On one hand, you'll have a woman who will like give her entire body to a man like this is one of the most intimate things you can do. Um although

it's you know what's interesting a lot of people for some people like it's weird like holding hands for some people is more intimate than having sex >> which is kind of like

>> or kissing.

>> Well I don't think so.

>> That's crazy. Yeah.

>> But like for some people sex is like this just >> it's like >> they're completely detached intimacy from it. It's just like it's just sport

from it. It's just like it's just sport [ __ ] for a lot of people to the point where okay like a man can be inside of me but oh if I hold a guy's hand that's

more intimate than sex.

>> And you're saying same with bowing that it's almost like you're saying sex is okay but bowing isn't.

>> Well the point I was going to make is even off of bowing but it it could be related to bowing. A woman will like I mean look some people get freaky a little freaky with sex like you'll be

cho I'm going to be a little graphic here but I'm being graphic not for the sake of being graphic but to drive home the point a woman will choke on a guy's dick will have let him come inside let

him come in your mouth you'll swallow his [ __ ] you'll let him blast on your face you'll let him blast on your back you'll do back shots you'll let him come inside your [ __ ] uh but women draw the

line at I I don't cook. I don't clean. I

won't bow. I won't do his laundry. And

I'm like, hold on.

>> You should be doing all of it.

>> You'll Well, yes, you should do all of it. [laughter]

it. [laughter] >> But it's like the bow is uncomfortable, but I'll let a man >> like >> I'll let a man inside of me within 30 minutes of meeting. [laughter]

>> You'll take his load, but you won't do his load.

>> Yes. Wait, wait. Repeat that, Felicity.

>> You'll take his load, but you won't do his load.

>> Well put. You'll take his load, but you won't do his load. I feel like with dating it makes you a rare woman if you just do everything. Like I'll bow then I'll fall to my knees and I'll cook and I'll clean. It's like because you love

I'll clean. It's like because you love them that much. Like you just want to do everything for them and that you want to pay for them.

>> Yeah. And honestly like the easier my man's life is, the easier mine is. So

>> yeah, just make them happy. And it could be like the bowing thing is like fun and cute to me. And like you can make your own version of that.

>> Imagine like wearing a cute little skirt or something like that.

>> I love this. [laughter] This is so cute.

And and here's the truth with it, right?

Like I in in practice, like I I actually don't care if the girl like doesn't bow, but it's her willingness to do it.

>> Yes.

>> Like that's actually it's not the actual act itself. It's the willingness to do

act itself. It's the willingness to do it. It's not like I'm some dictator.

it. It's not like I'm some dictator.

It's like you didn't [ __ ] bow to me today. No, I don't give a [ __ ] Like I

today. No, I don't give a [ __ ] Like I don't actually care. But it's like it's a temperature test. It's a litmus test for like okay is she going to acquies to me in other ways in the relationship?