everything wrong w/ "romanticize your life": eurocentrism, hedonism, unrealistic, etc.

eating breakfast taking a shower walking to the grocery store these are everyday mundane tasks that the romanticize your life notion

tries to turn into enjoyable moments instead of rushing through breakfast by grabbing a pack of croissants from walmart you should take the time to walk to your favorite bakery and pick something that's fresh

out of the oven and this morning instead of going to the bakery that i usually go to because their croissants are just okay i did some research and found a really highly rated french bakery in my city and i decided

to go try their croissants today and wow they're so good rather than hopping in and out of the shower for the sole purpose of washing your hair make it an experience by lighting

candles listening to music and picking products with fragrances that make you smile romanticizing your life sounds like a great idea to appreciate the little things in life

and to be the main character so it's often alternatively called but i do have a bone to pick with it is romanticizing your life turning you

into a happier person or a happier character and who actually has the privilege of romanticizing their life there are definitely good sides to

romanticizing your life and it makes sense why it's become so popular but there are several cons that i'm not sure whether the pros can override

at least for me romanticize your life is naturally countering the rational productivity driven society that people are becoming less and less satisfied with really the kind of person who's always on the go

always in a rush always trying to get as much done in my day as i can and for a long time life felt very robotic my mother brought up a good point she said sydney you seem kind of sad in that video

and i was like no i wasn't sad i was just like really in the zone i was just kind of like getting through the day you know and that's how i've been a lot of days and it most certainly is important to appreciate the little

things in life i think it's great to encourage us to take a step back and be aware of all that we have but i also feel as though romanticizing your

life runs into several issues including classism eurocentrism pretty privilege romanticizing mental illness and abuse exclusivity

and turning yourself into a character rather than a real human i know it seems as though i just threw out a bunch of fancy buzz words to sound sophisticated

and woke but i promise i will explain all of those later in this video first i want to start by introducing some prose that i think romanticizing your life does have

so that you understand what my criticisms are responding to to romanticize is to idealize or believe that something is better than it actually is whether that's better

as in more exciting interesting morally good or meaningful the notion of romanticizing your life then is to treat yourself as though you are the main character

hence why those two concepts are paired together your life is more than just a tiny speck in the universe i think it's very natural that this idea of romanticizing your life

has been generally well received people seem to be starting to reject the idea of a rationalized society that we have so long lived with in george ritzer's famous essay the

mcdonaldization of society he defines rationalization as emphasizing five components efficiency calculability predictability substitution of non-human

for human technology and control over uncertainty a rational society values being as productive as possible with productivity referring to activities that either contribute to the

economy or are regarded as good for you for instance reading is considered productive and watching netflix is not

this rejection of a rational society seems to have inspired or at least partially inspired though i no longer dream of labor or i don't dream of labor movement

people seem to be getting sick of simply going through the motions and feeling as though every day is the same repetitive routine remember rationalization is predictable

it is controlling uncertainty people are sick of making productivity the center of their lives especially when quarantine has made our days feel repetitive

and also has made our work equal to the place we call home it can be tiring to feel as though your self-worth comes from how willing you are to sacrifice those unproductive little

things like taking a hot bath or doing a cute hairstyle in order to work longer it's no wonder that when romanticize your life came around

it was a hit it encourages you to absolutely make time for those quote unquote unproductive little things and it supposedly offers a solution to feeling unhappy

with a boring or less than satisfactory life it's all about perspective its advocates say when you're upset about it raining outside you just have to shift your mindset to appreciate how beautiful the

rain looks and sounds if you work a minimum wage service job you can still change your attitude to admire your surroundings and the customers

like this pizza delivery driver did this concept that you can't objectively change what actually happens but you do have control over your perspective borrows heavily from

stoicism stoicism is a school of thought that says if you cannot control it there's no reason to get emotional about it a common example is if someone cuts you off in traffic a stoic

should tell themselves that traffic and other people's actions are completely out of one's control and so anger and frustration are useless responses the difference between

stoicism and romanticizing your life though is that stoicism focuses on controlling all emotions and strives for tranquility of the mind so to speak whereas

romanticize your life is all about turning negative emotions into positive ones romanticize your life advocates further support using material goods as part of improving your life's

happiness such as putting on makeup to feel confident but stoicism denies any external thing from being able to bring true happiness i think that romanticizing your life has

also been very appealing because social media has gotten a lot more formal i can't find the right word to describe it but

people are always looking their best and showing off their lavish lives to the point where it makes people who aren't ultra rich or ultra attractive to feel as though their life

is lacking something and the thing is for the middle class and up we have more than enough but social media makes us feel like we don't it's great then that

romanticize your life tries to increase our awareness of what we do have and how amazing those things are the coffee that you made at home can be

enjoyed just as much as the eight dollar latte that fitness influencer bought from some l.a coffee hipster shop the notion that you are the main character of your life also

boosts your confidence which i think is important when social media and companies are always trying to make you feel less worthy but now let's get into the problems i have with

romanticizing your life when we think about a romanticized version of our life what's a common image that pops up in our heads i'll tell you what people usually don't think of they don't picture themselves

drinking mung bean porridge or three sister soup they picture drinking coffee or tea or some other beverage that you could find at starbucks they don't typically think of starting

their morning with tai chi but they do think of yoga or pilates they don't imagine themselves curling by the fire while reading confucius

or bartolome de las casas they imagine holding mark twain in their hands or hemingway or edgar allan poe and i understand that if you don't know what tai chi

or three sister soup is it's impossible for you to incorporate it into your imagination but even for me someone who drinks mung bean porridge on a daily basis

who's seen their grandparents do tai chi and who has read and listened about confucius and bartolome de las casas when i envisioned romanticizing my life my mind

automatically thought of french pastries and scented candles even though i never preferred eating french pastries for breakfast and i've never felt the urge to purchase scented candles before

the words romantic romanticism and romance are so heavily interconnected with the idea of european life and european culture it makes sense

because the actual movement romanticism started from europe and we often associate romance in the context of love with european things for instance many

european languages being languages of love or picturing european cities to resemble fairy tales etc so even though romanticizing your life is about changing the already existing aspects of

your life i argue how we decide to change them is heavily influenced by eurocentric standards consequently it secretly builds this

idea that eurocentric life and culture is better because that's what brings you the romantic life of happiness ultimately promoting a hierarchy of cultures

with european culture sitting on top where do we get these eurocentric ideas of a romantic life from movies tv shows music videos

and any other type of film i'm going to focus a bit more on the i'm the main character side of romanticizing your life for a second and i'm going to quote a podcast episode

that i really enjoyed where the host said life feels most romantic when life is a performance when you're mimicking what the romantic scene is in the film that you saw

they give an example that i think we can all relate to where it's raining outside and you're on the car and you put your head against the car window while you stare

outside as the raindrops fall down why do we do that because that's what we see main characters do in film and in tv shows all the time

and so we copy because it looks sentimental it looks emotional but who's looking why do people take selfies of themselves when they're sobbing their eyes out

trying to make sure that their eyes are the right amount of red in the picture and their eye makeup is the right amount of messy because the main characters on tv and in music videos still look

endearing and pretty when they cry and so now there is a desirable way to be sad why do we take videos of ourselves when we are feeling depressed or suicidal

and then caption them with funny edgy jokes because we think oh it would be funny if someone read this we create an imaginary audience who watches us as we live

our lives and we start to judge whether our life is properly romanticized or not by whether this imaginary audience would enjoy the show that we put on but that's not reality

the main character in a tv show who cries on the couch while eating ice cream after a breakup has had a huge makeup and hair crew to make her deliberately look the way that

she does it is a meticulously crafted image of what a main character's low points in their life should be like but it's not

real no wonder i ran into tons of comments under romanticize your life and how to be the main character videos where people would say that everything is up to your mindset the

most popular video about romanticizing your life on youtube said that you are in control of what you do with every single moment we have the power to create it we get to

appreciate every little thing for how it is so even if you live in a poor small town even if you're stuck with an abusive family even if you struggle with depression

this insinuates that it's on you to change your perspective your sadness is your personal responsibility i mean when the lowest of the lows for the main character is crying while eating ice cream

on the couch but still looking pretty and the love of their life returns to them in the end anyways real life issues are bound to seem exaggerated or make us feel as though it's our own

fault for being in the wrong perspective people have criticized stoicism for being toxic because it can lead to people suppressing their emotions or becoming apathetic to everything and

everyone around them including the birth of their own children but i don't think romanticizing your life is any better some things like mental illness heartbreak

suicide and abuse all of these things suck and you need to acknowledge that they suck you can't just pretend like they don't or else you stop seeking help and you stop believing in your self-worth

this is why we think romanticizing mental illness and suicide is awful and if those are things that you struggle with you can't fully commit to romanticizing your life

without also inevitably romanticizing those aspects of your life that shouldn't be romanticized i'm going to go through some scenarios to show why i don't think this just change your

mindset type of idea really works let's say you have pretty serious social anxiety and a romanticized your life supporter tells you happiness is a choice

so you think to yourself okay how can i alter my perspective to be positive about this well my social anxiety prevents me from spending time with others and socializing

which means i am forced to spend more time on school and work wow my mental illness gives me the ability to get better grades or let's say that your dad physically

abuses you at home and again you hear someone tell you happiness is just a choice so you start to think hmm okay maybe this abuse is just my dad's way of

showing that he cares about me or at least he still pays for my food and education or it could be worse i don't even have it that bad

these examples feel wrong don't they people shouldn't be forced to put a positive spin on some of their biggest struggles that have huge negative impacts on their life and they shouldn't also have to

justify others awful actions an additional issue that i have with romanticizing your life is that it promotes a very self-centered life

there's a reason why it says your life and not life in general romanticize your life makes an important assumption that living a happy life is doing things for

you making you happy and being the center of your life other people and other things just become instrumental to your needs and your wishes for example in this video

she talks about how she tries to make giving her dog about fun so now giving her dog a bath is no longer because she truly cares about her

dog and is willing to do it even if it's hard and unenjoyable no it's about having to make it fun for me hi it's editing olivia i realized i should have made it clear

that i don't think there's anything wrong with making the task of giving your dog a bath more enjoyable in fact i think it's a great idea but the basic premise of having to make things

fun and enjoyable for you in order for it to be a worthwhile task is what i wanted to focus on and while this premise doesn't matter in this situation for other important issues it does

whether i should volunteer as a service worker to help build schools for poor communities or go to the city at night to take photos with my friends now becomes a much easier choice to make

because the latter is easily romanticized and the former is not what we do is now dictated by what brings us the most pleasure and not by what is most morally good

while there's nothing wrong with caring about yourself and doing things for pleasure if that is the lens with which you approach your entire life with i worry that one will become less and

less tolerant of people or events that don't work in their favor it also means that if i'm allocating my extra time towards making my life as romantic as

possible i'm going to watch the sunset in the evening and eat out with friends rather than choosing to volunteer at a food bank volunteering at a food bank isn't romantic it's hard work and it can be

heartbreaking that's not what a romanticized life wants you to feel you're the main character after all right so others should revolve around your story

this leads into the exclusivity of a romanticized life honestly ask yourself this do you want your government officials to be romanticizing their life if there is the threat of a terrorist

attack or another coven 19 wave coming our way do you want them to try to look at it from a positive perspective so that they can feel happy no you want them to be as

pessimistic as possible to prepare for the worst for the greater good of everyone do you want amazon packagers to be taking walks to appreciate the weather

or taking longer coffee breaks to savor the aroma of their drink no unfortunately for those amazon factory workers people demand shipments as fast as possible

and so we actually wish for a rationalized efficient and productive group of people there not romantics see we only allow certain subsections of society to pursue

a romantic life those who the greater good obviously do not depend on because guess what contrary to what romanticize your life promotes society is a tangled web of social

connections that you cannot live without others romanticizing your life necessarily impacts the quality of others lives one last thought i have about this is

how much pretty privilege fuels the ideas we have about being the main character so many of the how to romanticize your life how to become the main character videos

that i've watched recommend putting on makeup dressing up or just basically looking nice every day even if you're staying at home doing nothing because they say that when

you have an attractive appearance it will put you in a good mood and it'll make you feel happier one makeup get ready do your makeup add some color

feel good look good hand in hand i don't think this makes us more confident and self-loving though if anything i think it reinforces the feeling that we can only

be the main character when we look as good as those main characters on screen which is so unrealistic you know you're going to have bad days where you feel

sick tired or down trodden and you don't have the energy to put on nice makeup or to dress up during those days are you still going to be able to feel like the main character

then if the answer is no then the positive energy that you've built around your life is superficial at the end of my critiques

there is a counter argument that i'd like to entertain because i think that it could be true if someone is worried about losing productivity and efficiency perhaps romanticizing your life

is actually a good way to get that people are most productive when they are happy with their life and happy with who they are so maybe romanticizing our lives will boost one's ability to work

more if someone is worried about a romanticized life leading to a self-centered character well someone could say that loving others relies on learning to love yourself

first perhaps the romantic life is the way to get to that self-love and that is the first step to loving and caring for others to romanticize your life has its good sides for sure

i think to partially implement it into your life is beneficial and it can be the first step to obtaining other things like i mentioned earlier but i'm less convinced that making it

the focal point of how you live is equally desirable you can like and subscribe if you liked what i had to say and you can check out some of my other videos as well if you have any video idea

recommendations or suggestions you can let me know thank you so much for watching let's keep talking and i hope to hear from you soon

[Music] bye