He said what no one else will..

the real reason life is brutally unfair

for men.

>> We now have this digital world that we

can live our lives in as a distraction

from the real world. And there's now

more confusion than ever over what it is

to be a man and the role of a man in a

>> you know and then we look at the stats

around suicidality

>> and I think in Europe men under the age

of 45 is themselves currently.

>> Yeah.

>> Is the shifting idea of what it is to be

a man having an impact on people's sense

of self and their purpose?

>> 100%. So there's a there's a crisis

that's going on in there.

>> There's a huge identity crisis. Massive.

>> And people think that this is new, but I

don't think it's new. It's always been

there. So if you look at like, you know,

even 50 60 years ago, 80% of suicides

are still going to be men. So

historically, men have been killing

themselves for like 100 years, and no

one's been

>> Well, I mean, what's that? That sepeku,

the the Japanese swordsman thing.

>> Yeah. I mean, plenty of times. Like

absolutely.

paying attention. We're just noticing

now because the problem seems to be

getting worse.

>> Yeah, it is.

>> So, there's a couple of things that are

really interesting to understand.

>> So, one is that if we look at what

technology is doing to our brains, the

first thing that it's doing is it is

externalizing our attention.

>> So, if you look back like let's say a

thousand years ago as human beings, we

spent a lot more time with ourselves.

>> Yeah. Exactly. Like you got that. That's

one thing is people like I've noticed

this myself is that this is going to

sound really bad, but I'm going to just

say it.

Every time I get to a stoplight or a

stop sign, I have to wait. I will

sometimes pick out my phone and I will

look at my phone while I'm driving. How

many of you guys do that? Be honest.

I do it. I do it all the time. I I Yeah,

I do it constantly. Okay. Okay. So, I'm

I'm basically All right. Carefully. I

have not run over anybody that I'm aware

of.

So, let's say that you and I go out

hunting and then let's say you shoot an

arrow at a deer and you miss and then I

shoot an arrow at a deer and I hit. So,

in this moment I'm superior to you.

Sure.

>> And then we pick up the deer and we're

carrying it back and then we have about

2 or 3 hours to take that emotional

insult and we kind of process it. We

just give our mind space to process it

which it does automatically.

Now, if you look at what happens in

people's days,

>> well, is also that like I mean then

you're helping the guy cook the deer and

eat the deer and skinning the deer and

now both of you are eating a deer so

like you take part in the other person's

success and like now I think life

especially social media is seen way more

as a zero someum game. So like whenever

somebody sees somebody else doing well,

there's not really the um enthusiasm to

compliment that person or to be positive

towards them, but instead to undermine

them and make it invalid what their

success is

>> actually have any time to process what

happens to them because we are so

constantly distracted by external

things.

>> So I I don't know if if you're like

this, but I was in this point where I

was

>> idiotically efficient. So, I would wake

up in the morning.

>> Yeah. I I I I'm gonna be honest like

this is one of the things that with like

my dad whenever my dad passed away

like uh basically for the first two

weeks I was just kind of like I was so

busy. Bro, dying is complicated. Holy

[ __ ] There's all this paperwork. You've

got to fill out these forms. You've got

to make all these phone calls. You got

to talk to everybody. Holy [ __ ]

God damn, bro. That's just a shit's

annoying, man. A lot of [ __ ] to handle.

Exactly. It's complicated. But then one

day, I just finally got down and I feel

like I still haven't fully processed it.

And like yesterday was kind of bad for

me. I'm going to be honest cuz it was

like the first holiday that I spent

without either of my parents, right? Uh

cuz it was Halloween. Like my dad would

take me out trick-or-treating and

everything. And you know, I don't want

to talk a whole lot about that right

now, but like just in general, that's

the way that I felt. And uh you know, it

was a weird weird not so great day, not

so great day for me yesterday. But I'm

I'm a I'm 30. I'm a grown ass man. 35

year old man, I can handle this. Like

I'll be fine. But um anyway, even now

Yeah. Yeah. At 30. Absolutely. And so um

the truth is though is like I remember

like one of the days I just kind of went

into his house and I just sat in his

chair and I just cried and I was just

like it was like two weeks after uh he

had passed away and I was just like [ __ ]

man.

And even now I think about this [ __ ] I

do. I think about I think about this

[ __ ] all the time because it's it's so

it's normal. it is, but like I was so

distracted prior to that that I didn't

really even have time to process those

emotions.

That's the point. And I think that's

that's what happens with people all the

time. And I think that it's like uh you

know, you're doing that you're micro

doing on that and then eventually it

builds up to being like a [ __ ] an

actual problem where you never process.

It's what I said before about how like

people go on the internet with like

unresolved personal trauma and then they

want the entire internet to live it out

for them. So, like, you know, for

example, like you you had a girlfriend

that cheated on you. All girls are

[ __ ] now. You had a boyfriend that you

know was abusive. Oh, I'd rather live

with a bear, right? Like this is your

own personal trauma that now you're

putting on the whole world. And I think

that like there's a lot of examples of

that. So, instead of working through it

privately, um they do this instead.

>> Morning. And I would listen to a podcast

while I'm like doing my exercise or

whatever. Then even when I'm cooking,

I'm listening to a lecture. Yeah. And

then like when I'm walking to the train,

I have ear uh you know earbuds in and

I'm listening to a lecture there. On the

train I'm reading. I wanted my life to

be completely efficient maximized. I

didn't want to waste a single moment.

>> I literally listen to the news in the

shower. It's

>> right. So we don't want to waste time.

And so if you really think about it,

where's the attention of your mind? Your

mind is pointed outside of you.

>> Yeah. And so then what happens is once

we do not pay attention to ourselves, we

lose sight of our internal signals

literally in the same way that if you

raise a child in a dark cave.

>> Absolutely.

>> The the photo receptors in their eyes

won't develop. They will

>> That's exactly the reason why I have

like in my my house all my lights are

always off

>> cuz I think that it will allow me

eventually I'll be able to I I can

almost see in the dark now. Like I can

almost read I I can read a sheet of

paper and almost pitch black with like

complete efficiency.

So any

>> but like if I go out and the sun's out

I'm like

I'm having a bad time.

>> Anything that the mind does not get

access to will start to atrophy. If I

don't practice Spanish I'm going to

forget Spanish. The mind is very brain

is a very efficient organ.

>> Yeah. So, as we externalize our

attention, we lose sight of our internal

signals. We don't know who we are

anymore. And now, if I don't know who I

am,

>> how do you make decisions?

>> How do I figure out who I'm supposed to

be? I pay attention to the outside.

Where are the answers? They're on the

outside. So, this person is talking

about masculinity. This person is

talking about what it means to be

>> I think the big problem too is that like

there is a lack of fathers in

households. And I think it's also a lack

of masculine positive role models in

households. So like I was incredibly

lucky and a lot of friends of mine,

right? I mean we're also incredibly

lucky where like we had people like uh

you know like you can even ask Cody, one

of my real life friends. I've known him

for like 20 25 years, right? Uh yeah,

probably closer to almost Yeah, probably

about 25 years now. Uh like you know we

had like my dad, Cameron's dad, uh

[ __ ] uh AJ's dad and like you know

Toby's dad or his stepdad like you know

all these guys were like solid

legitimate you know I think all of them

actually were ex-military and they were

solid strong role models because like in

my opinion it's like you want to look at

like who is a positive who is a great

male role model. It's not somebody like

Andrew Tate or you know even Jordan

Peterson. You look at that and like my

my role model like I would say like who

who would who would I say like you want

to be like is like Aragorn right in Lord

of the Rings. Like that's the guy.

That's the guy. And like a lot of people

think that like masculinity and being a

man is like the ability or the ability

or the willingness to exercise power.

And I don't think that's true. Yeah. Or

Goku, right? Or Goku is another one. And

think about think about how

completely culturally universal Goku is.

You can have guys in China that love

Goku. [ __ ] Japan obviously love Goku.

Europe that love Goku. South America,

holy [ __ ] Like they go crazy for that

[ __ ] And everybody in the whole world

is like they see Goku and they say they

want that that that's me, right? And so

not Goku. No, I think so.

>> This person is talking about what it

means to be a man. And now

I'm trying to figure out what it means

to be a man

>> because what it means to be a man we

getting all kinds of mixed signals. So

on the one hand it means being

physically

>> it's also another big problem too is

that and I don't know if he's going to

talk about this or not is that I think

that self-help and information on the

internet and people looking for any sort

of advice on the internet is incredibly

toxic because the most popular people in

a lot of cases tell you that your fault

is somebody else's. It's the Jews. It's

women. It's the patriarchy. It's rape

culture. It's uh you know uh [ __ ]

white supremacy.

It's never you. And that's the problem

is like so so much of the and this is

I've said this before, right? So much of

these things are constantly about why

why you're doing every people basically

are looking for someone to tell them

that the you're doing your best whenever

you're sitting at home jerking off to

animals that aren't real on Deviant Art

and playing Marvel Rivals for 12 hours a

day. And if you don't tell them that

that's the right option and you're doing

the best you can, they're going to look

for somebody else that will. That's the

problem.

It's so toxic. Massively toxic.

>> On the other hand, it means being a

provider. On one hand, it means having

sex with as many women as you can find.

>> On the other hand, it means having sex

with

>> just one woman and being a really solid

man and being a good father. And then

there's also people telling us that

being a man means that you're [ __ ]

right? that you're toxic, that your

testosterone level makes you violent,

that you're evil, that you're

privileged, that there's a patriarchy,

all this kind of stuff. So, we're

getting all this information from the

outside about what it means to be a man.

And so, the other like there all kinds

of interesting ramifications of this.

So, men in today's society are not

allowed to complain. So, if you complain

and you're a successful person or a

privileged person, everyone is going to

think you're arrogant. Everyone is going

to think, "Oh my god."

>> He's right. He's right. Absolutely. He's

right. uh people that are seen in a

privileged position. Like I think this

is true for streamers. Like I have a lot

of streamers that like will talk to me

and uh they'll they'll tell me they're

like, "I really wish I could tell people

this." And they'll be upset whenever

they'll tell their audience something.

Damn, there's a rainbow. It's a sign.

>> Wait, it's a sign for what? What do you

mean?

>> Who's this [ __ ] guy? This guy doesn't

know what my life is like. How does he

have any right to complain? And even

your mind will tell you this. You'll

look at these people and you'll be like,

"Yeah, I don't have a right to

complain." But now we need to stop for a

second and think about what it does.

>> I think also like to a certain extent it

is true because a lot of people don't

acknowledge how good they have it. Like

every single person that has the ability

to watch this video has an

insurmountable advantage over a that is

over more than a billion people in this

world right now. You've already spawn

RNG yourself above 1 billion people that

don't have access to the internet. They

don't have access to technology

and people never think about that. Also,

like those of y'all that are listening

to this, this isn't English. English is

one of the most wellspoken languages in

the world. Like the truth is that

learning English growing up is going to

be probably more beneficial for you if

you do anything outside of your country

than learning French, for example,

because France is a much smaller

country. Now obviously there's a lot of

people that are monilingual in France

and it's totally fine but in a general

sense like knowing a global cultural

language like I think that obviously you

have like uh Mandarin and Cantonese uh

English and Spanish right which are some

of the biggest languages knowing those

languages is a tremendous advantage and

a massive privilege and a lot of people

never understand privilege outside of

the spectrum of like race or gender

which is I think very very stupid and I

think that again it goes back to having

the locus of agency

inside of yourself rather than external

>> psychology when you as a human being are

not allowed to articulate your

suffering. I've worked with people who

have grown up in abusive households

where children will say to their

parents, "Mommy, daddy, I'm hurting."

>> Yeah.

>> And the the parent smacks him across the

face. How dare you? You're so lucky. You

don't realize the sacrifices I make for

you. It's traumatizing to the child when

they say, "I am suffering and no one

listens."

>> My dad would do this all the time, bro.

He would do this constantly. Like he

every time that I told him I had a

problem, he would tell me about his

problem that was worse. And honestly, it

was like it was a point of contention

between him and I. Like I never really

got over it to be honest with you. I I I

still resent that.

>> This is what we're doing to the

generation of men. People are saying, "I

am suffering." For a hundred years, men

have been killing themselves. 80% of

suicides are men.

>> The most dangerous thing for a man under

45 is themselves. And these people have

been literally killing themselves

because no one has been listening to

them.

>> So in the same way that you grow up with

a as a child in a household that's

abusive where no one takes you

seriously, no one listens to your

suffering. And now we even have

successful men who are not allowed to

complain.

>> Well, those are especially the ones that

aren't allowed to complain because

they're the ones that have access to the

resources and all this, you know, like

methods of power. And so you especially

don't want to hear them complaining.

>> Impact is the same. Anytime you have a

human being who is suffering in some way

and they cannot find connection with

another human being, they cannot find

compassion with another human being,

that person is going to feel isolated.

>> Yeah.

>> And if you look at the statistics on

suicide, it's very interesting.

>> So the number one thing that correlates

with male suicide is not depression,

>> not having a girlfriend.

>> This is super scary. There's one study I

saw recently that suggests that 50% of

men who kill themselves have no history

or evidence of mental illness. And this

I I believe the statistic in in my

clinical practice because I know what

depression looks like. I know what

bipolar disorder looks like. And half

the men that I've worked with at least

are not actually mentally ill. See,

mental illness means a pathology of the

mind, which means that the mind is

malfunctioning. Most of the suicidal men

that I work with, they're not their mind

isn't malfunctioning. They genuinely

have a life that is no longer worth

living.

>> Yeah.

Yeah. 100%.

They're looking at things and

objectively realizing that there's no

way out of the situation.

>> So they turn to suicide.

>> Exactly.

>> So I know it's kind of like a very

controversial statement, but

>> Yeah. No, 100%. Like I felt that way

myself many times.

>> Like many times I felt like, "Oh man,

maybe I should just kill myself." Like I

I even nowadays like I'll have I'm going

to take another picture of the rainbow

because it got brighter. Um and uh yeah,

like

like I I feel that way like regularly. I

do, but it doesn't mean you do it right.

But I mean, you feel that way sometimes,

for sure.

>> I think that's what my clinical practice

has shown, and there's some research to

even back that up.

>> So, if we sort of look at what's going

on with men, we're sort of

>> they have nowhere to turn to. And the

number one thing that correlates with it

is not mental illness, but is a sense of

thwarted belongingness. So this is kind

of like fact uh multivariate regression

analysis.

>> But basically what happens is what

causes people to kill themselves is they

try to connect with others and they get

rejected.

>> Yeah. And this is what happens is people

that's why they go on the internet. They

hate everybody else etc. Yeah. Show us

right there. Can you see it?

Right there. Maybe maybe it's like right

about that through there. Yeah. So that

there it is. And so it's pretty crazy,

right? And uh wow. Yeah, I know. Like

it's it's one of the best ones I ever

seen. It is. It's one of the best ones

ever. And uh anyway, so

generally I think that that that is 100%

[ __ ] true. Like absolutely. Like

guys, they will try to make a

connection. It doesn't work out. I think

that a lot of guys, you know, like when

when do people probably kill themselves?

probably my isn't the day that a lot of

people kill themselves like the most

like the suicides like pretty close to

if not on Valentine's Day like I I think

this is a pretty a pretty common thing I

could be wrong about that though at

least men

>> specifically a very specific research

term called thwarted belongingness

>> so I try to belong to a group

>> about the same thing yeah

>> that group or multiple groups usually

will will thwart my attempts to join the

tribe to join

And this is what actually correlates a

lot.

>> So what's going on with men right now is

that we really don't allow them to

suffer,

>> you know, because then you're not manly

and we're so externalized with our

attention that we're not connecting with

ourselves. And so we're looking to other

people to tell us what it means to be a

man. But that may or may not

>> also because there's there's less

fathers like there there's less there

there are less present fathers that are

actual like men that are playing a role

inside of their kids upbringing. And I

think that's another huge factor is they

don't have any father figure growing up

that they can look at and be like okay

this is this is this is kind of what I

should do right

>> for you right that may have been what

worked for them. So then we kind of get

into this problem where we're

disconnected from ourselves and then

like the world doesn't accept us. We're

not allowed to suffer and that's what

creates the problem.

>> What is the remedy to this?

>> So I think the first thing is we must

reconnect with ourselves.

>> Right? So when you're kind of saying

like why do does everyone think oh I I

need to like achieve this I need to make

this money and things like that. Where

did you learn that you should do all

that? You learned all that from the

outside.

>> Instagram.

>> Instagram right? So we get we get fed

all of these ideas because if you look

at all these

>> you have to live your life a certain

way. You have to be a certain person.

You have to have these ideas. You have

to, you know, achieve these things and

and all of that. Uh it's all [ __ ]

You don't need to do any of that. You do

whatever the [ __ ] you want.

>> Influencers, what are they doing?

They're never crying. They're smiling.

Some of them will even pay very

attractive women to take pictures with

them. Well, some of them are crying, but

they're crying and uploading it for

ulterior motives, right?

>> Yeah, absolutely. And I think a lot of

them are genuinely suffering, too. But

then it's it's also like I mean there's

all kinds of weird stuff going on. So,

one thing is like people say that men we

don't allow men to be emotional

>> nowadays, but say people say, "Oh, men

are allowed to cry." So, this is

something that I experience even in my

marriage where

>> No, bro. That's like a Venus fly trap.

Men are allowed to cry. People N you

don't do it. Don't do it. Remember

whenever Kyle Writtenhouse cried in like

his court date and then people used that

as a meme for like years? No, don't do

it. You don't want to do it publicly.

Like honestly, like I try not to cry in

front of anybody. Just Yeah. In private.

>> We allow men to cry, but we don't allow

men to be angry.

>> But why is it are men no longer allowed

to be angry? Just think about it for a

second. So anger is just a completely

normal emotion, right? But if I'm in a

situation where I'm in an argument with

my wife and I feel emotion A and I

express emotion A and she feels emotion

B and she expresses emotion B, these two

things should be equal, right? We as

>> I know he's so right. I hope he's going

to say what I'm saying. There are so

many cases in society where the feminine

norm is considered better and more

acceptable than the male norm. And I

think there's like a over feminization

of society that happens inside of

educations inside of education that

happens inside of I think popular

culture and I think that it al also

happens inside of uh of companies too.

And basically whenever it comes down to

which emotion is correct is it the man's

emotion or the woman's emotion? The

typically male emotions are seen as

wrong and the typically female emotions

are seen as acceptable. It's a huge

problem.

>> Human beings get to express what we

feel. Now, in the case of me expressing

anger and her expressing sadness, she's

crying and I'm yelling. Suddenly, I've

become a villain.

>> That's right.

>> It's so interesting. I saw a viral tweet

yesterday.

>> It was someone googling, "My wife is

yelling at me. What should I do?" And

then, "My husband is yelling at me. What

should I do?"

>> And the wife, it's like, "Call the

police." It's like, you know, this

person's terrible. And then the husband

is like, "What did you do wrong?"

>> Yeah.

>> Googled, "My husband is yelling at me.

What should I do?" Domestic violence

helpline comes up as like a Google um

popup.

>> Oh.

>> When you Google my wife is yelling at

me, what should I do? Nothing comes up.

>> Damn.

>> Because obviously, as you said, in the

case of villainization, I know that most

domestic violence comes from men,

>> but it's it's interesting that we see

the emotions entirely differently. Just

because just because a lot of domestic

violence and especially like uh like

death, right, is going to come from men

because men are bigger and stronger,

that doesn't mean that it doesn't also

happen to men. That's the problem is

that just because something is

statistically less common doesn't mean

that it doesn't happen. Like let's say

it's 8020.

That means it happens 20% of the time.

That's an insanely huge number.

Men don't report it as much. Yeah, they

don't. Well, because of, you know, like

remember that ratchet [ __ ] hoe, Nina,

where she said, "Oh, well, like, you

know, are you really being a man if you

actually are complaining about being

sexually assaulted?" That's the type of

toxic [ __ ] that is actually super bad.

And I I think we should just get rid of

that completely. Should be embarrassed.

Yeah, exactly. There's a dude. I I don't

know. Like I I I look I don't I don't

want to get in. Looks like a girl to me,

but I have no idea

because of that.

>> Absolutely. Right. So we as a society

will say like oh men men need to be in

touch with their emotions but not anger

>> and then this is what really screws men

because as men we are socialized and

conditioned to only feel anger.

>> This is the only emotion you allowed to

feel as a man growing up

>> and this is the one emotion that gets

demonized when you're older. So I'll

give you a simple example. So like I

used to get bullied a lot right? So when

I get bullied in school like what am I

supposed to do Stephen?

>> In school it depends

>> stab them.

If you can fight back.

>> Absolutely right. It's fighting back.

That's right. Like you didn't say talk

to the teacher.

>> That's what my dad told me to do. No. In

eighth grade, like there would be a kid

trying to put his hand in my pocket and

like I told my dad about it. He's like,

"Just stab him." And I'm like, "Okay." I

just got a fork and I stabbed it right

in him. I broke it off in his skin.

Never did that [ __ ] again.

I was in eighth grade.

You didn't say

>> ask for help. You didn't say cry about

it because if I cry about it, what's

going to happen, Stephen?

>> That's it. You're going to get bullied

more.

>> Absolutely. So, we turn every emotion.

So, men experience anger is called an

umbrella emotion. We literally suppress

and are conditioned to suppress all

other emotions except for anger. And

then if you talk to men about their

experience of life, anger is always the

first thing that comes out of their

mouth. Someone breaks up with you, how

do you feel about it? Do you feel

ashamed? No, that's not what we say. I

feel pissed off. How could she do this

to me? And then

>> I generally actually don't get mad. Like

it it's rare for me to get angry. It

happens, but like I try to avoid it as

much as possible because I've always

I've felt like I I I look back at my

life and I say, "When was the last time

I made a good decision when I was mad?"

I remember never.

Never. I've never made a good decision

when I was mad.

We vent that anger on the internet and

then this turns into misogyny, right?

And then we get demonized for it. And

it's not that there isn't

>> we should be harshly judged if we act.

>> But why is it that women can go on the

internet and talk all this [ __ ] on men,

see how horrible men are, how bad men

are, but if men criticize toxic feminine

behavior, we're seen as we hate women

and all this [ __ ] That's the reason

why. That's the pro. The problem isn't

that you can't do it. The problem is

there's a double standard

>> kind of emotions. I'm not saying that

that's the case.

>> Y

>> but what we also need to consider is

that the men who are saying these kinds

of toxic things are saying that for a

reason. This is because of their

upbringing. This is because of the world

that they lived in.

>> Right? So we're conditioned to only

experience anger. Even sadness gets

turned into anger. Shame gets turned

into anger. Fear gets turned into anger.

Right? So if I'm afraid of something

happening, what do I need to man up? get

angry, right? Like, let's go, son. Let's

go.

>> This is the emotion that we tap into to

overcome fear. So, we don't feel any of

those other emotions and we're left only

feeling anger.

>> At the very heart of aggression, um, I

heard someone say to me once that at the

very heart of aggression is some kind of

insecurity. But for men, when they

encounter that insecurity, they only

know how to sort of manifest it as

aggression. So I wouldn't agree with the

first thing that at the heart of all

anger is insecurity. But I would

absolutely agree with the second thing

that the way that we the only way we

know how to respond is with anger.

Because

>> here's the exact quote just found it.

The source of aggression is insecurity.

As we are unconsciously aware that our

position in life is never secure. People

feel in increasingly insecure and

helpless. So they will be increasingly

aggressive and confrontational at a

personal and a social level. So let's

tunnel down into that for a second.

Okay. So I think that that is true on

some level but also I would disagree. So

the first thing is that we have parts I

>> I don't think it's insecurity. I think

it's scarcity and scarcity drives

insecurity. Scarcity is generally what I

think is the root of almost all problems

that people have is some form of

scarcity and understanding what that

form is will solve their problem. I mean

obviously there's no there's no 100% but

that's it

>> of our brain even animals feel anger but

I think that like when two dogs are

fighting over territory I don't think

that that's born of some kind of

identity of insecurity

>> right so if we really look at like the

evolutionary purpose of anger this is my

opinion is that anger is the emotion

that we feel to protect our territory

it's a protective emotion

>> so if I slap you across the face what's

the first thing that you're going to

feel it's going to be anger

>> yeah so If I insult you, you're going to

feel angry. It It's fascinating the way

that it works. So anger causes our

thoughts to be faster. Anger causes our

peripheral vision to collapse to 30°. So

I only see what's in front.

>> This is what happened. This is the

reason why I can't play competitive

games is because I get mad and then I

play like [ __ ] That's exactly right.

That's 100% what happens. And I know it

about myself. That's the worst thing is

I know that about myself. I know I'm

crashing out while I'm crashing out

>> and it also makes me less uh sensitive

to pain. So like my nose receptors will

actually like start to be suppressed

when I feel angry, right? So if I get

into a fight, I'm going to feel it

tomorrow, but like while I'm getting

hit, I'm not going to feel. So I don't

think it's born of all insecurity. I

think anger is simply an evolutionary

response. It it's it's something that we

experience to protect ourselves. That's

why we feel angry, right? So if I attack

baby bear, mama bear is going to come

out angry.

>> Yeah.

>> So it's it's really a protective

emotion. Now I agree with the second

part of the statement 100% that when we

feel insecure, especially as men, the

only way we are taught to deal with our

problems is through anger. Right? So if

I'm feeling insecure, if I'm feeling

ashamed of myself, if someone's bullying

me, what do I do? I put them in their

place.

>> Y

>> right. I don't try to make peace. I

don't complain to someone because no

one's going to take me seriously.

>> Right? I have to stand up for myself.

>> Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And like anybody

that cries about it or acts like a

victim, like people hate them and like

they make fun of them, meme on them and

all kinds of [ __ ] like that. EB.

>> Absolutely. Totally true.

>> We've got the first point there about

how we ran this challenge which is about

self-expression. More self expression.

That's what I heard.

>> Not self-expression. Introspection.

>> Introspection. Getting to know

ourselves.

>> So, so it's very simple. So if you look

at your idea of what it means to be a

man,

>> what percentage of that idea comes

outside of you and what percentage of

that idea comes from within you?

>> About 90% comes from outside of me.

>> And that's why 90%

>> I never even thought about what it means

to be anything, bro. I just went and I

did whatever the [ __ ] I want whenever I

was a kid. That was the way I looked at

it. Like I never really This might be

weird, but like I never really looked

for a role model. I never really looked

for anybody to like base what I would do

off of. I just pretty much grew up and I

just did whatever the [ __ ] I wanted and

I didn't care about what anybody else

thought for any reason. Like even if

like my parents were really disappointed

or mad at me, I just like it would not

even register to me. It would just be

like, "Okay, well that who cares what

you think,

you know? This is just me, you know,

like I'm gonna do what I want." That was

me. Yeah. I mean I I don't know. Like

look up to yourself. Yeah. So you're

spoiled really. I mean I wouldn't say

spoiled. Uh it's just that I just never

I never considered other people's

approval as valid or important

because in a lot of cases I never

considered a lot of other people valid

or important. The only person that

mattered was me

>> people were 90% [ __ ]

>> Just be honest.

>> Right. So and if you look and I'm sure

you know this and you've probably done

this too. If you look at where is the

goodness in your life, where does it

come from, Stephen? It doesn't come from

what other people have told you. They

may have told you something but then you

looked within yourself and then you

found that to be true.

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> The goodness in you, the motivation, the

really good motivation in you, not

chasing things, but the the duty that

you have, you know, everything that you

really strive for, all that good stuff

comes from inside you. And the problem

is that we live in a world that pulls

our attention away from ourselves.

>> What do you think of Andrew Tatism then?

>> Pulled the attention. I I think also

like people just Yeah. They never really

stop to think about how they feel and

they never really stop to think. People

constantly are looking for like another

type of stimulation rather than trying

to use their own mind to have any sort

of calmness at all. And like I think

that's really what what it is for a lot

of people. And that's what it that's

what it's been for me in a lot of cases

too also is that like I I if I can just

lay down and just relax and just do

nothing, I can kind of like reenter my

brain. And I think that like after after

I do a stream, for example, it can be

tiresome to do a stream. I know, you

know, people, oh, streaming is easy.

Sure. Sure. Yeah, it is. But like

imagine talking non-stop for 5 hours

with like one two 30 second breaks and

you're constantly reading things. Like

there's a lot of mental mental energy

that goes into that, right? And it's

like there's never even like two seconds

that you can like lose focus. So you

have a lot of like it's not physically

taxing in a way but like there's a

mental like tax that that has. And so

like whenever I stop and you decompress,

it can feel very very good to do that.

>> As a general rule, I don't comment on

people that I don't speak to.

>> Mhm.

>> So what what tell me the features of

what you're talking about.

>> Okay. So, the recent wave of

>> internet masculine influencers who have

>> internet dads, that's really what it is.

It's just, you know, internet dads,

>> daddies, and lots of women and sports

cars, and there's there's many of them.

There's many of them, and they seem to

be resonant for some kind of reason. um

that are kind of saying that the way to

become be a man is to have loads of

money, lots of women, these kind of

cars, physical strength, and there's

just this huge sort of generation of

young typically men

>> that are now disciples of that religion.

>> Yeah. So, I think if you dislike that

toxic masculinity, what we need to

understand is it's the people who hate

that toxic masculinity that are driving

these people to towards it. So, I know

this is kind of crazy. So what's

happened is this has grown, right? And

as it's grown, what have we done? We've

demonized these people. We've said these

people are bad. And as we demonize them,

what's happened? They've grown stronger.

>> So this is something that's very

important to understand.

>> If you are a man and you say I am

suffering today, what is the response

that you're going to get?

>> Shut up.

>> Shut the [ __ ] up, [ __ ] ass [ __ ]

That's the way it is. It's going to get

worse.

>> Absolutely. Not in those exact words,

but that's whatever the words are,

that's what they mean.

>> Now, I want us to be very very careful,

right? So, if you're listening to

Stephen say people tell you to shut up

and your first thought as a listener is,

no, that's not true.

>> That's the problem. So, e if people

agree with you, they understand what

you're saying. But if they disagree with

you, that's the problem. You we

literally have a man who is telling

telling us right now that your

experiences when I say I'm suffering,

people tell you to shut up. And then

they invalidate the way that you feel.

>> This is a huge problem on the internet

where people aren't allowed to feel

certain ways. And any sort of emotion

that a person's going to have in one

direction is categorized as problematic

or bad in one way or another.

>> They're going to be judging you for

saying that and they're going to be

saying, "No, that's not true."

>> They're going to be saying, "Shut up."

>> Absolutely.

>> That's right.

>> So this is exactly the problem. So men

are struggling right now and that the

rest of the world says no you're not.

>> You're privileged. You're a man. There

is a patriarchy. And I'm not commenting

on the sociology of it. There is a

patriarchy. Whatever. There's men have

many advantages in life. I've

experienced many advantages of being a

man. It's absolutely true. I'm not let's

not go there. I'm talking about the

individual experience of men.

>> So there is one group of people on the

planet who says yes, your life does

suck. And that's these toxic masculine

people. They're the only people.

>> Yeah. They're the ones that are

listening. They they they will enable

you. Absolutely.

>> That truly validate men's experiences.

>> Cuz everyone else says, "Why are you

complaining?" And these guys say, "Yeah,

you're a [ __ ] loser. What are you

going to do about it?" They at least

meet you where you're at and they say,

"Yes, your life is hard, and I will show

you a way to make it better." Whereas

the rest of the world says, "No, your

life isn't hard. What are you

complaining about?"

>> Yeah. The original sin of being born a

man and feeling emotions is uh never

going to work. It's never going to win

over men. And it is a narrative that's

been created by Karens that hate men.

That's basically it. It's Karens that

hate men. They hate masculinity. They

have some problem with their [ __ ] mom

or their dad or their brother or their

boyfriend or something like that. And

they've demonized all of this like just

all the way through. And I think that

that's also another there is a huge

amount of animosity that I think young

men have towards that

>> and I've seen this as a doctor. I've

seen patients who are complaining

>> men have an advantage but you can't

explain that to someone who's poor and

struggling. Well, men have advantages

that women don't have and women have

advantages that men don't have. Right?

So, it's kind of like in classic WoW. So

women are like hunters and men are like

warriors where women have like a very

good leveling build and I think that

they level up like you know you're level

30, you're level 24 as a hunter. You can

solo all kinds of things. You can do all

kinds of stuff and you're very

efficient. Whereas like if you're a

warrior, you've got to fight one mob at

a time and then sit down and eat and

drink. But by the time you get to level

60, then you know your top damage and

the hunters can't even do [ __ ] The only

thing they're there for is to give you

aspect of the pack so you can run to the

next mob to kill it. That's it. And so

like that's the difference between like

I I think uh the experience that like

young men have because like whenever

you're a young guy, right? How many of

you guys had this experience? You're a

young guy, you're 20 years old, you're

about 20 years old and you have a

resentment for women be because you feel

like women have it a lot easier, right?

Women have it so much easier than men.

It's not fair that she gets these

opportunities and I don't. She's making

all this money and I'm not. she has this

guy that, you know, is paying for her

stuff and I don't have this. But then

you get older and now you're, let's say,

31 and that same girl is saddled with a

uh, you know, a kid from this guy that

left her and she's living by herself and

it sucks for her and her life is awful

at this point and it's just going to get

worse.

And so that's really kind of what

happens is that like I and like I think

that a lot of young men haven't seen

that life progression happen where a lot

of the privileges that young women have

are privileges for young women and the

majority of your life you will not be

young if you're lucky. And so because of

that, those privileges erode and that's

never a lot of the advantages. You know,

that's the late game scaling, right?

That's the, you know, level 55 warrior

that's outdamaging the level 60 hunter.

There it is.

Yeah. Men scale way better than women

do. They do. It's just the way it is

about pain. women who are complaining

about pain because they have an internal

bleed within the wall of their uterus

that cannot get detected and they're

saying, "I'm hurting. I'm hurting. I'm

hurting." And we ignore this person's

pain. And that's when things go bad.

>> So for years and years and years, we

have ignored the struggles of men.

>> And there's one group on the planet who

accepts them with open arms. And the

more that we demonize them, so when

someone starts believing in this toxic

masculinity, what is the response? This

is also a uh this is like a precursor of

why I think a lot of men are becoming

right-wing.

This is why I think you're having such a

massive distinction between like young

men and young women becoming more

right-wing. And the reason why is very

simply because at least Nick Fuentes

agrees with you that things are against

you, right? He he he listens. He doesn't

just call you a loser,

right? Like that. That's basically it.

And that's why a lot of young guys are

turning towards those types of role

models, those types of characters. Yeah,

rightwing makes more sense now. Yeah,

exactly.

>> Do people ever ask like, "Help me

understand what your life is like. Like,

what do you like about this person?"

Because everyone's going to them for a

reason, but we never we never bother to

ask, "Why are you listening to this

person? What does this mean to you?" I

see these we see these posts all the

time in our community. My boyfriend is

getting into this stuff. My son is

getting this stuff. How do I stop it?

Hold on a second. Don't try to stop it.

>> Yeah, exactly. And this is the problem

that you never even considered why he's

getting into it. You never even you

never even considered his feelings.

Maybe that's the reason why he's getting

into it in the first place.

>> Understand it first because everyone's

trying to stop it and no one is

bothering to listen to what the

experience of these men are. And that's

why it's getting worse and worse and

worse as we try to stop it. So, if I'm

the mother of a son who is watching a

lot of these sort of toxic male

influences online,

>> what would be a better approach versus

just banning the computer and telling

them that that's toxic and not to look

at it?

>> Help me understand what you like about

this.

>> What is it like to be a man in today's

day and age? How do you feel about

yourself?

>> How does it feel knowing?

>> And and the reason why parents don't

want to do this is because this takes

time, thoughtfulness, and intelligence.

It's a lot easier than just say, "Oh,

you're not using that computer anymore.

You're going to look up all of that

crazy Hitler stuff. That's it."

>> That 70 to 80% of women want you to make

more money than them. And yet 60% of

people who graduate from college are

women.

>> So men are faced or living in a world

today where there are impossible

expectations to meet.

>> Mhm. And so

like what is it like to be someone who

fundamentally has no chance at success,

right? These are the kind

>> This is the reason this is the reason

why a lot of guys feel this way is they

feel like they don't really have the

opportunities. And also, I think that

there's like definitely I think dating

apps really create this this mentality

where it is like the top 10% of guys are

seen as the ones that are able to hook

up with all of these girls and having

access to, you know, having a pretty

girlfriend or something like that. And I

think that's also very very tremendously

negative effect negatively affected like

I guess like the way that men see the

world. That's been really really

problematic.

things that you need to

>> like 0.1%. I mean like maybe I I I don't

know like I've never I've never had a

dating app before in my life to be

honest with you. I I h I haven't. So I I

don't know what it's like but from

everything that I hear it's horrible.

And also like the women's experience is

also really bad too but it's just a

different set of problems. Instead of

matching instead of getting no matches

you get 40 matches of 40year-old men

whenever you're 19.

say to these people,

>> you need they're fat.

>> Give them an alternate place to go where

they can be heard and helped, supported,

and understood.

>> See, anytime we make a judgment, our

mind already has a conclusion. Nothing

left to learn. Anytime we're judgmental,

>> so what do we what do we do to all these

people who are toxic men? We even create

the word toxic. We literally label them

as bad in some way. And I'm not saying

that

>> it's a very simple idea. There's a word

for toxic masc for toxic male behavior,

but there's not a word for toxic female

behavior.

It's pretty simple that that I mean

there it really think about it behavior

isn't toxic. But what I'm pointing or

what I'm trying to point out is that

even in our language there is so much

harsh judgment.

>> So I once had a patient

>> we both just did it, didn't we?

>> Absolutely.

>> So I once had a patient who was smearing

feces

>> and I'm trying to do it

>> over the all over the school. So

adolescent kid, right? And when you have

a kid who's literally taking a [ __ ] and

wiping it on the walls and stuff, what

happens? The kid gets punished.

>> Kid gets punished again and again and

again. The one really sad thing is no

one ever asks, "Why are you doing this?"

>> Yeah.

>> What's going on inside you?

>> Because healthy kids don't do this.

>> I would say that's generally true.

>> It's only kids who have been traumatized

in some way.

>> Yeah. And as I've worked with incelss,

as I've worked with people who are

toxically masculine, it always starts

with trauma. And when I say always, this

is a clinical experience, but I'm

talking about 100%. So 100% of people

start on this path by getting hurt in

some way, by getting taken advantage of

in some way, by sacrificing.

>> Villain origin story. There it is.

Remember that? Remember that kid the

other day that got mad about me me

making a joke about his fan art? Five

years, bro. That dude was sitting on it

for five years. He let that cook and

then finally he just let that [ __ ] out.

>> Yep.

>> Something and not getting something in

return. And they have their share of

responsibility, too. I'm not saying that

they're hless victims, but I think that

people who are raised with love and

compassion and do have connections don't

go down this road.

>> It's much less common.

>> You're so passionate about this, aren't

you? Because I feel like your eyes have

seen in your practice. Well, because you

see a bunch of [ __ ] people kill

themselves and you actually try to help

them and then it doesn't work. I mean,

that's the reason why. I mean, you've

got to be passionate about it. I mean,

you you and it it is really sad. It It's

tremendously sad. And it's I think it's

going to get worse, too.

>> Pretty heartbreaking things.

>> Yeah. I mean, I think it's like,

see, unless we are willing to be what

these people need, they're going to

continue going down the toxic

masculinity. Of course,

>> someone needs to start offering these.

>> And this is this is true, too, is that

like you can't just tell people, "No,

you're not allowed to think this." And

then they all are like, "Oh [ __ ] oh my

god, let me just do exactly what you

tell me now."

>> Full safe haven.

>> Yeah. Obviously,

>> no matter what they say or not, not no

matter, I think there should be

consequences for actions. But so this is

as someone who's worked in a jail,

right? So, and this is what's kind of

interesting if you really think about

it. People will judge me for talking to

or even trying to support people who are

toxically masculine. They're like, "Oh

my god, you're such an [ __ ] You're

giving these people a platform. How

could you make the world a worse place?"

And

>> yep, there it is. [ __ ] Karens.

>> And I tell them I worked for in a jail

for 3 months and they're like, "Oh, look

at you. You're so compassionate. You're

working with these people who are like

criminals." And like, oh my god, we I

don't think they realize.

>> I wonder I wonder who's more toxically

masculine. the murderer with face

tattoos that, you know, is in jail for

20 years or this content creator that,

you know, says that women are [ __ ]

right? I mean, I I ah jeez, guys, I

wonder

>> that anyone you see on social media is

10 times better than the people that I

worked with in general. These are people

who are actual pedophiles, actual

rapists,

>> right? Not just talking about it. Maybe

the people on social media are too. I

don't know. And so it's really

interesting the way that our mind

automatically judges things.

>> And so if we really want to fix this

problem, and I think we need to fix this

problem. I it's just my take. I mean,

I'm I'm not a, you know, I'm a big fan

of like compassion and trying to support

other human beings. I'm not saying that

that's always the right answer. I think

sometimes you may need things like war

or violence or whatever. There may be

causes for it.

>> But generally speaking, I think that

like demonizing these people isn't

working. If you love the Driver CEO

brand and you watch this channel, please

do me a huge favor. Become part of the

15% of the viewers on this channel that

have hit the subscribe button. It helps

tremendously and the bigger the channel

gets, the bigger the guests.

>> Yep, there's a video right there. Give

me a second. I'll get to that.

>> We now have

>> Yeah, [ __ ] awesome video. Yeah, it

was a great video. Like I I really

really thought that was good and I I

figured like I would watch that because

I thought it would just, you know, it

would be a good video. Like that's just

it. And I I've always loved Dr. Okay?

You know, like for years and, you know,

always supported them and I think that

the interviewer, you know, this guy uh

he did a great job of just asking good

questions and then just shutting the

[ __ ] up, right? Like this is a great

interview and I want to talk about like

my kind of own opinions about this too

cuz I think that it's it's a pretty

popular topic, right? Uh it definitely

is. Yeah, it's more human. Yeah,

absolutely. Right. Spot on. Yeah,

definitely.

And uh there's the video right there.

Did you watch the shoot video today? No,

it might be tomorrow. I'm not really

sure entirely yet, but uh I'll probably

figure out more of it. We need more of

this. Yeah, I thought it was a good

video. Right. You always get orange in

the morning, in the evening. Yeah, that

that's because usually whenever the sun

goes down, the sun's going down. It was

raining earlier and I think it's

probably cold, etc. And so that's it.

And how far do you think men having

their own men's right movement uh as the

women's right movement rights movement

uh back whenever it started? I think

that men men don't really need rights,

they need equal treatment. So like for

example, men need equal treatment in

regards to child custody. men need equal

treatment in terms of prison sentencing,

things like that. So, it's not really

necessarily rights, but it's mainly um

the way that the existing rights are

being applied. I think that's mainly the

issue, right? Uh in divorce, I mean,

maybe, right? Equal rights and

treatment. Yeah, definitely. But uh in

Twitch bands, yes, definitely.