How I Manage Toddler Tantrums Using the Time-Out Method

this video has been a long time coming but first I know it's been a minute since I've done a long form video so hi we're back again life has been crazy we're just trying to catch up on

everything but I have been telling you guys for months that I'm going to do a timeout video I'm going to break it down I'm going to talk about tantrums toddler tantrums and how I handle it I get so

many comments DMS questions from you guys asking me what do I do if my kid hits me what do I do if they're spitting screaming yelling kicking thrashing around all of these things and I've been

telling you for months it's coming it's coming I'm going to explain it all to you I'm going to break it down and it's going to be this great we're here we're finally here and I am going to walk you through the entire process so this is

how I train my toddlers with the timeout system but first if you are new here hi my name is Olivia and I am a mother to seven children that being said I am not a medically trained professional I have

not been professionally educated I am just a mom I am just sharing my experience with you guys because as a mom one of the things that helps me the very most is seeing what other moms are

doing and the results that they're getting so that I can decide if this is the best way to parent or best method that I want to use specifically for this situation so what I found is the timeout

method works the very best for me and my family first I want to address some of the controversy around timeout because I know it can be really controversial anytime that I use the words time out

people are really upset but here's the thing if I say time in or calm down corner all of the sudden it makes it better what's controversial isn't necessarily the method or how I'm

training my kids so much as it is the words time out and I think it's because timeout is typically associated with parents being upset getting angry and yelling at you and saying go to your

room with no Rhyme or Reason it doesn't make sense to the child because it doesn't make sense to the parent they're just at their wits end and they're saying get out of my face that's what

time out used to be but that's not what timeout is to me timeout for me is a way that I am able to create a safe space for my child to feel and experience all

the emotions that's going on because as we know having emotions or having feelings is not a bad thing it's a good thing and it's what makes us human to have these emotions so the emotions are

not bad however emotions can usually especially heightened emotions can usually lead to bad behavior right or actions that are not okay so a timeout

is a way that I can say hey I see I acknowledge I understand I hear you I understand that you have all of these emotions and I accept those emotions and feelings that you have just like we're

taught right gentle parenting tells us accept those feelings and accept those emotions but for me I'm like okay I've accepted them now what now what do I do

if I'm like hey I am really angry and frustrated okay if somebody says oh I hear you I hear that you're angry and frustrated then I'm like okay great but now what what do I do with those feelings and especially for children

because they are so young they are so vulnerable most of the time they don't even themselves recognize that that's what's going on they don't know that they're angry or upset most of the time

they don't even know why they just have a lot of feelings a lot of emotions so yes I am going to accept them I'm going to hear them but I'm going to teach them

what to do when you feel this way instead of just saying okay yep you have them and then moving on we have to teach but if you've ever tried to teach your

child or try to help them through those big feelings and emotions at the height of them it's pointless there's nothing that you can do they are screaming they are yelling they are throwing things they're thrashing around and nothing

that you say or do is doing anything they can't hear you it's like fight ORF flight mode right their brain is not functioning in that moment there's literally nothing that I can say or do

to help them so we have to take a timeout we have to take a break so I say okay here's the space for you where you can feel all of these things I'm not telling you you can't it's not a bad

thing to fill them but go sit there and fill them that's where you can it's a safe space they have that time they have that space to be able to express

themselves to fill all those emotions and then once they're done then I'm able to say okay when you're you're angry here's what you can do now they're listening to me now they're not so upset

they don't have too many emotions so we're able to talk about it that is what timeout does for me so it's not the consequence it's not a punishment it's not a way for me to get back at them

it's a tool that I'm giving them to be able to calm themselves down to self-regulate to have all those things and I think that it's funny that every time that I post about using timeouts

people will use the comparison like well how would you feel if you were angry and your husband was like hey you need to go sit down and time out if my husband sent me to time out when he recognized that I was angry or frustrated I would be like

thank you often times I recognize that myself and when I feel like I'm having a lot of big emotions I will excuse myself take some time breathe through it calm

down and then go back and readdress the situation it is not that deep it is such a good tool for my kids to have to be able to calm themselves down to self-regulate and then handle the

situation in a more acceptable way that is why we use timeout now that we've explained all of that let's get into what the process looks like I have filmed several

interactions during this whole timeout training process with River because it just takes time so I want to show you that progression from where we started what it looked like throughout the process and even where we're at now let

me give you a quick little rundown of what the timeout process looks like so that as you're watching it it makes more sense first thing I find a place in my house that is designated as a timeout place then when the Tantrum happens I

get down on their level explain to them they can either choose to be nice or go sit down in timeout if they choose not to be nice then they go to timeout when we're in timeout I sit them down explain to them they're going to stay there

until mom comes back to get them and then I start a timer when the timer rings I go back to them and I ask them are you ready to be nice or do you need to take more time and time out at that point they can choose to be nice and

we're done or if they need more time then we go back we start start the timer and do the process again that's how I structure my timeouts the first time that you ever do timeout this is going to be a New Concept to your child and

with anything new that you're introducing there has to be some sort of training children don't just know how to do something you have to train them you have to teach them the way that I start

this from the very beginning is when they first start their tantrum I get down on their level with them and I explain to them they have two options either they can choose to be nice or

they post sit down in timeout as I'm explaining this to them they don't know what the words time out mean yet but I use the word nice because it's something that my kids already know so you don't

have to use the word nice you can use whatever word that your kid already Associates with good behavior that's the idea so either good behavior or timeout as I'm explaining this to them they're

not going to understand what that means yet so then I'm going to take them into our designated timeout area and I'm going going to point to the area and say this is Timeout and I'm going to show

that to them so either you choose good behavior or you choose to stay in timeout and I'll show them where timeout is they're obviously not choosing good behavior so then I say okay you're going

to stay in timeout until mom comes back to get you then I will place them in timeout and I will walk away but I won't walk all the way away I still want to be where they can see me but I'm not going

to make eye contact with them I'm not going to communicate with them why they aren't in timeout because I want it to be that separation and that safe space where they're able to stay by themselves

so I step away and I will start their timer for them I need the time to be just enough time for them to be able to calm down but not too much time that they forget why they're even sitting a timeout and because this is the first

time they're likely going to get out of timeout throughout this process so if they get out of timeout during that timer I'm going to just simply pick them up take them back sit them down but I am

going to explain to them again you need to stay here until mom comes back to get you but I don't restart the timer it's still the same timer until the time runs out but I will keep taking them back as

many times as they get out throughout the duration of the time when the timer's done I'm going to attempt to close out the timeout session so I'm going to go to them get down on their level again and explain to them it's

time to choose good behavior or you stay in timeout if it's the first time they're probably not ready yet to choose good behavior so I will do it the same as I did the very first time and explain

to them okay we're going to take some more time and time out stay here until mom comes back to get you I'll do it just like I did the first time step away start the timer and then if they get out

as many times as I need to I will just simply place them back into time out and explain to them stay here till Mom comes to get you after the timer is up I will attempt to close it out and I will do

this as many times as I need to until they choose good behavior it can take two times three times four times five times when they choose good behavior and they are done with timeout I close out

the session by having them apologize for the behavior because as I said the feelings emotions are accepted but the behavior is not so they apologize we give a hug so we know we're on the same

page and then we're done the first video that we're going to watch is the first time that River has ever done timeouts so as soon as his tantrum starts I'm getting down on his level immediately

and I'm going to start explaining to him either he choose to be nice or he chooses to timeouts those are his options okay Riv

okay so you can see he's not even holding himself up he's pushing himself away from me he's throwing his head back everything even as I'm trying to talk to

him as I'm trying to explain to him it's time to be nice or he's going to go sit down and timeout right now he doesn't know what the words time out even means

but he knows what nice means so he's actively choosing not to be nice since he's choosing not to be nice then I'm going to take him into timeout and then I explain the process to him again only

this time I'm able to say either be nice which he knows what that means or and then I point to timeout you sit here until I come and get you so that's the first introduction that he has to time

out I want you to sit down right here and Mom will come back and get you so after I explain to him he needs to stay in timeout until I come back to get him I'm going to walk walk away but he

can still see me and then I'm going to start his timer for River I do 1 minute because he's only one year old and 1 minute is just the amount of time that he needs to be able to calm down but

also not too long that he forgets why he's even in timeout so I start the 1 minute timer and then if he gets out of timeout throughout that one minute I just pick him up sit him back down into

timeout but I don't restart the timer it's just that one minute for the whole timeout session okay

list so I pick him up I give him a hug I'm trying to talk him through what's going on and you can see that he's still trying to push me away he's still very upset and still in the middle of a

tantrum so then I explain to him again it's time to stay here until I come back to get you I just restart the one minute timer and do it just like I did before where every time that he gets out I just

pick him back up sit him back in but not restart the timer so this is the second time and just like I did the first time I'm going to attempt to close out timeout so I get back down on his level

I explain to him again time to be nice if we can't we stay in timeout like I said because this is his first time ever doing timeouts then I'm going to spend a lot more time

explaining that to him and trying to calm him down so that he understands this process but since he's not ready to be nice yet we go one more time in timeout and each time that he's getting out of his his seat then I again just

put him back in and walk away just putting him back in walking away I kept it really simple this time because he understands the concept at the end of every session then I walk over to him and I get back down on his level and I

explain it is time to be nice if we can't be nice then we sit back down into timeout that's the point of timeout is to help him to calm down and so after the third time he finally calmed down he

was able to talk to me and tell me what he wanted now so we were done with timeout I always close out timeout with him apologizing for his behavior because like I said the emotions the feelings

are okay they are acceptable but the behavior is not so he's apologizing for his behavior then he gives me a hug so that he knows that we're in on the same team and then we are done with timeout

and we move on with life so now that we've gone over what the very first session looked like I just want to walk you through the progression of what it looked like over time so this next video is a couple of days after we first

introduced the timeout okay come here come okay so I always start these by getting down on their level I'm talking to him

he's like limp and lifeless tantrum full-blown tantrum but I still give him the option or the opportunity to choose good behavior or choose to be nice over

going into timeout now at this point he knows what timeout means so as I'm explaining this to him I still want him to know that he has those options but

we're much more like direct about it we just say okay you're not choosing good behavior so let's go to timeout let's go first of all pardon the mess this is a toddler bedroom so it is what it is I'm

still going to explain to him but it's much more quick it's much more direct I'm saying choose nice or timeout he chooses timeout so then I say okay sit down stay here till I come and get you

he's still practicing and so he does get out of timeout and I just put him right back in the first time there's a lot more explaining there's a lot more working with him now that he's very

familiar with the process it's much more simple where it's just me here go sit down walk right back out but I'm following the same pattern following the same process when the timer is up then I

go in and we say okay are we ready to be nice or do we need to stay here he's ready to be nice so then he apologizes for the behavior we give each other a hug and then we're done he's calmed down

but here's the best part is because he's calm he can start to tell tell me what it is that he needs because that's the problem usually when they have so many big feelings and I'm trying to help him

and I'm like what do you want what do you need he's so heightened that he can't even communicate that with me and so that is why I love timeout so much is

that it allows him that time the space to fill all of those emotions and to self-regulate calm down then he's able to talk to me like I said the timeout is not the form of discipline it's not

punishment it's not even the consequence it is just to take a break and then we work through the process with it one thing I want to highlight in these videos is the location of timeout for my old house we

didn't have a lot of space so I set up the timeout spot for him in his bedroom I don't leave him alone I'm still right there so he can see me but we just didn't have a lot of space in the new

house we have a lot more space so I was able to pick a more central location I picked the stairs that way he can see me around the house he's still feels a part of it so keep that in mind when you're picking your timeout spot try to keep it

somewhere where it's Central where they feel still included and involved and they don't feel alone another thing that I want to point out is that we do have a designated timeout place in the house

but once they've been trained it's not necessary that the timeout Place stays the same no matter where you are you can use timeouts in public you can use them at home you can use them at a friend's house in fact there was a time that I

was going grocery shopping and River started to have a meltdown so I found found a spot in the store that was just like a small secluded little corner sat him down stepped away a little bit gave him some time gave him some space went

back to him he was calmed and we were ready to keep shopping like regular it is just such an amazing tool for them to have and for me to help them with the most important thing to do is be

consistent you don't have to be perfect just be consistent following this process continuing to explain things to them allowing them time and space to calm down before then you talk to each

other but just be consistent that's what the process kind of looks like and it can be days weeks months even after some time it starts to get to where he can stay in timeout throughout the whole

minute timer and not only does he stay there and not keep getting out of timeout but he's actually able to self- regulate while he's in timeout during that one minute timer which is the goal so let's see what that looks like can't

be nice timeout notice how much better I'm able to communicate with him even when he's in the middle of his tantrum I'm able to talk to him and be like okay do you want to go sit down and timeout

are you ready to be nice and he's way more receptive he's way more calm even in the middle of his tantrum but I still give him the option good behavior or timeout he picks timeout and then I sit

him down and timeout as I'm walking him into timeout I'm holding him so that he still knows that it's he's okay it's okay but I'm just allowing him the time and the space to fill all of these

emotions so I still explain to him stay here until I come back and get you I still start his timer but as you'll notice he's going to sit here and and he's going to calm himself [Music]

down and as he's calming himself down he's just chill he's just going to sit back relax he's comfortable and as soon as the timer is

up I still go back to him I get back down on his level and I say yay we're ready to be nice obviously because he's still not upset but we still close out the process with the same sorry for the

behavior and a big hug to know that we're on the same page now here's something after it's all done sometimes then I'll say okay where's your smile because I do like to encourage my children to be happy it's not something

that I'm like hey you can only be around us if you're going to smile that's not what's going on it's just something to show him we're ready to be nice we're ready to have good behavior and it's okay to be happy now

this one he's able to walk himself into timeout so I'm not even taking him there I say okay you chose timeout he walks himself into timeout sits down and he's

calmed immediately we still do the one minute timer because that's the process and in order to see the results you do have to be consistent and when the timer's up he's done he's happy he's

ready to be nice and we still close out timeout the same way as we always do consistency is key in all of this so that was him being able to calm himself

down in timeout the next progression is him being able to calm himself without even needing to go sit down and timeout so what you'll see is I'll ask him if he's ready to be nice or if he needs to go to timeout and then you'll see him be

able to calm himself down and he choose good behavior if we can't be nice then we will go sit down and time

out are you ready to be nice okay then say sorry Mom good job give me a big hug good boy okay well

listen it's time to be nice if you can't be nice you will go sit down and time out are you ready to be nice good J say

sorry Mom seeing him able to regulate himself without even needing timeout is just the confirmation that I need as a mom to know that the timeout worked for him like I said the timeout isn't a

punishment it's not a consequence it's not even the form of discipline it's just simply giving him the tools that he needs to be able to self-regulate now he's able to self-regulate without even

needing a timeout like an official timeout we just sit down we say okay calm down and the point of all of this is that now he's calm enough that I can now talk to him about what he's upset

about so in one instance then he wanted a specific snack and I said no he can't have candy for a snack but he can have other options he didn't want the other options so he started to have a meltdown

he Cal Cal himself down really quick and then I was able to say okay again here are your options but he's calm enough that he says okay sounds great so that is the goal is that they are able to

regulate themselves enough to communicate and that prevents so many Tantrums not even just prevents them but it controls them enough that you don't

have those big outbursts anymore because of the tools that they learn with timeout training it has lasting effects so even as my kids get older it turns into to more of instead of go sit down

and time out it's when they're having big feelings I say okay do you want to take time and they recognize that those are big feelings and they want to take time away so they will excuse themselves

either on their own or they will choose to take some time in their room or wherever they feel safe and comfortable and then they'll come back to me we'll talk it out communicate and this works

for my kids even all the way up into my oldest so that's it that's what timeout training looks like thank you so much for listening to all of this I hope it was helpful if you found anything helpful or if you have any other

questions please let me know in the comments or DM me I'll do my very best to get to every one of you to reply to you I want to help you in the very best way that I can but thank you so much for all of the support and for being here

good luck with those Tantrums I'm right there with you