How to actually get smarter (again)

- Hello my beautiful devs. This is a different kind of video today.

We're not doing a video essay.

I'm gonna be doing more of like a chatty informal video.

Like I'm still gonna be talking a lot, but there's not gonna be a real thesis.

I mean, I guess there's kind no, there's no thesis.

I usually use a teleprompter when I record my video essays, because they're so highly scripted.

But right now I'm just using my phone and I put some notes down and we're just gonna wing it and see how it goes okay?

(birds chirping) (cat purrs) So recently I've been seeing a lot of articles about friction-maxxing.

- People need to start friction-maxxing in 2026.

- I have been friction-maxxing.

- Okay, I'm on a mission to add more good friction to my life.

- [Host] Which is this idea where you should introduce new obstacles in your life to counteract like the smooth brain autopilot that we're usually navigating the world through these days.

And I've also been seeing like just general lifestyle advice, like how to stop doom scrolling.

- I want you to get up when I say one without thinking and just do something for two minutes.

- [Host] How to like get rid of your phone.

- Being on your phone is not a hobby.

- [Host] The rise in analog devices.

- Up analog hobbies, and make them as accessible as your phone.

- The reason for this revival is in part because we want agency over a cognitive function, right?

In my previous video, I talked about how AI is reducing cognitive function and I think people are starting to see themselves like the humans in Wall-E, and that we're all just sort of like this with our screens.

We're becoming removed from being human, like we're forgetting how to hold hands and we're forgetting how to dance.

So this friction-maxxing is an attempt to stave away like that future possibility and gain control over our lives.

As Kathyrn Jezer-Morton explained in her Cut article on friction-maxxing, "Each of these acts may be insignificant, but an orientation toward friction is really the only defense we have against the life-annihilating section of technologies of escape.

Without friction, most kids will have no reason to love reading, let alone thinking for themselves.

If you're tired of thinking about screen time and who isn't, maybe you need to reorient in terms of friction instead."

I agree wholeheartedly.

A couple of weeks ago I just had this like random thing come over me when I was driving in the car, I was going to the gym.

And mind you, this is not that impressive because my gym is, my gym was about like a seven minute drive from my house.

I say was because I just canceled my membership today.

I had done this drive so many times this past year, you know, like I know it, I know I know it, but for some reason every time I would go to the gym I would put it in my GPS because I was like, what if I take a wrong turn and then I dunno where I'm going or what if there's no parking and then I have to like circle the block

and I don't know where I'm going.

So I always put it in the GPS, but this recent time I was like, no, I know how to get there.

And so I didn't. I got there on my own.

It felt awesome.

So yes to friction.

However, at the same time, I don't think going all analog is the be all, end all solution.

Honestly, I'm still going to use my GPS, I'm going to microdose the experience of having to navigate by myself and like using the old noggin to figure out where I'm gonna go.

The reality is I'm an adult.

I have places to be, people to see.

I'm not always gonna be circling my neighborhood and I'm gonna be late and I need to find the best fastest way to get to where I need to go.

And also going analog, it's not an amazing solution because it's a very individualistic solution.

Regardless of whether or not I use Google Maps, people will still use it.

Because it's an individualistic solution, I don't believe it's sustainable because all these systems in place are still encouraging technological independence.

So instead you can just become isolated from the wider culture.

Like GPS is a pretty non-controversial example, right?

But I like what Adam Aleksic wrote for his Substack, The Etymology Nerd on the downside of going analog in general.

For one, it's the equivalent of sticking your head in the sand and pretending like the algorithm doesn't exist.

Whether you like it or not, our culture is still being shaped by these platforms and they won't go away by themselves.

All of our music and fashion aesthetics are either defined by or against the algorithm, which means that even the countercultural tastes of the no phone people are necessarily influenced by it.

Engaging with algorithmic media in a limited, deliberate manner is thus important to understanding your experience in society as a whole.

Not engaging meanwhile makes you vulnerable to being blindsided by sudden social or political shifts.

Each Reddit argument and YouTube comment war is an epistemic basis for understanding the current state of cultural discourse.

If you ignore those, you lose touch with reality as most people experience it.

Not only that, I see a major crossover between artistic types who want creative careers and people who wanna go analog.

And unfortunately, if you wanna work in the creative field, you will need to market your business, your art, your books on social media.

You will need to be able to predict trends, decide to jump on those trends or not, but you need to be somewhat aware of them.

And of course some people are able to evade it completely, but the majority of those people either come from money already and or were already established before the advent of social media.

With that said, going full analog is not really the option for most people.

It's just a little too extreme, you know?

But I think it's possible to take a step back.

As Aleksic put it, use this new technology in a limited deliberate manner.

My main peeve with social media addiction and over dependency on technology is that a lot of us use these tools as a way to stop thinking entirely.

Like we now depend on these technologies to do the thinking for us.

I titled this video How to Get Smarter (Again) because these are suggestions I have to reengage your brain so that you can become a critical thinker again.

Many of us already learned how to use our brains, like how to think critically, how to be empathetic, how to read books cover to cover, like we all learned this when we were children most likely.

The suggestions that I have are just sort of like how to retrain this muscle.

(gentle music) I've personally always had a penchant for the 1910s.

So many things were happening for the first time.

There was the first crossword puzzle, the first transcontinental phone call from New York to San Francisco.

And of course, who doesn't love the fashion?

The S-bend corset shapes, the cotton lawn dresses, and the luxurious perfumes.

In 1916, the Baron Carlo Magnani from Parma created Colonia as an alternative to the opulent perfumes on the markets.

Instead of being overly powdery and floral, Colonia was inspired by Magnani's longing for the Italian sun during his travels, the same vibrant sun that brings life to Italy's golden citrus fruits.

It makes sense then that the scent's top notes would be lemon, sweet orange and Calabrian bergamot and why the packaging is a bright, sunny yellow.

Acqua di Parma has continually developed to reflect society's new tastes.

Art deco bottle silhouettes were introduced in the 1930s, but the scent has remained unchanged since the 1910s.

As they say, if it's not Baroque, don't fix it.

(pleasant Baroque piano music) Baroque, like the architecture in Parma.

Over the years, Acqua di Parma has evolved to continue being relevant and meaningful to every new generation.

Colonia Il Profumo is a contemporary reinterpretation and the limited edition Colonia Il Profumo Millesimato which incorporates the radiance of the 2024 Ylang Ylang White Harvest celebrates the brand's momentous 110 year anniversary.

(gentle music) (pleasant music) - What are you reading?

- Nothing in particular.

(pleasant music) - Not to throw shade, but I feel like a lot of guides that are titled like How to Get Smarter, they're usually like suggestions of what you should be consuming, like what media you should be consuming to like make your brain better.

I don't know, I don't fully disagree with that, but I think that people need to be honest with themselves before they follow any person's recommendation list.

If you don't already have the attention span to watch a three hour long movie, maybe like maybe don't follow someone's recommendation list that's titled Taiwanese New Wave Movies That You Must Watch.

You want to meet yourself where you're at.

I will say with that said, watching foreign films actually really helps me with my attention span because I can't go to screen mode.

Like I have to read the subtitles to know what's going on.

And so usually whenever I watch foreign films, I'm actually paying attention like more deeply than when I'm watching an English speaking film.

Funnily enough.

This also means that you should just read anything you want.

- Anything, anything. - Anything.

- Don't try to read Gravity's Rainbow because you feel like you need to make up for lost time 'cause you haven't read a book in so long.

You know, I spent years running fandom blogs on Tumblr and I actually rediscovered my Tumblr account like a couple days ago, which was really insane to go through all my like old posts from when I was 14.

This was like the platform that really got me interested in media commentary, in media analysis, like I would write dissertations about the media that I liked.

For those of you who don't know my lore, I was like on track to becoming a Disney adult.

And so I ran like a Disney Tumblr and I was so obsessed with Disney.

Like I wrote all about like Mulan and feminism in the context of Mulan, I wrote about like Avatar The Last Airbender.

And of course like all these think pieces were terribly written.

And I was 14 as I said, but I was building this muscle for media analysis.

I also wrote a lot of fan fiction, which not only aided in my ability to develop like new writing skills but also spurred my creativity because I was inventing new like alternate universes.

I was creating new storylines.

Actually, okay, I wrote this one fan fiction that was so good and I wish I still had it 'cause I deleted it.

It was actually not that good probably, but it was like a crossover of Peter Pan and Alice in Wonderland.

Someone should make a movie about that and they should hire me as the screenwriter.

Like the point of what I'm saying is that none of this felt like homework.

It's actually what I did instead of doing my homework, like I would procrastinate by writing all this stuff and then it'd be like 9:30 PM and then I was like, "Oh God, like I needed to be doing my math homework."

It didn't feel like learning.

And I think what a lot of these guys are missing is like you want to like learning.

Like if you don't currently learn, you need to go back to the roots.

You need to revisit the ancient text.

There's this one tweet by Francois Chollet that I like.

He said, "I believe the main target of a good education should be a love of learning, confidence in one's ability to learn anything and knowledge of how to learn effectively, how to approach new domains and new problems. Education is the transition to autonomy, not a molding process.

There are some people who shit on book talkers who read Colleen Hoover or like smutty books like "Heated Rivalry."

But the fact of the matter is that reading is reading.

We need to build the attention span first.

Yes, the material is less challenging and the dopamine rush will hit harder than reading something like, I don't know, "East of Eden."

But it's still better than scrolling for hours on reels.

My caveat is I don't think you'll necessarily become smarter from just the act of reading "Ugly Love," but you can become smarter if you actually engage with the material.

If you sit and reflect and ask yourself, what did I like about this book?

What did I not like? What is this author trying to say?

Do I agree with what I think they're trying to say?

What could have made this book better?

Why might someone else like or dislike it?

It doesn't have to be, how does this author use water imagery to speak on existentialism?

It can be of course, and I think deep literary analysis can be really fun, especially if you're reading with a friend or you're in a book club.

But there are no rules and that's the purpose.

You should not establish any rules for yourself if you're just trying to introduce reading into your life.

And I genuinely think that once you start looking at a book more critically, you'll want to challenge yourself more by reading something more difficult.

The reason a lot of us like don't like reading difficult books from the jump when we're first like reintroducing reading is because it hurts our ego to not be able to understand it and we don't like the feeling of not understanding something.

I just remember when I was 10 years old, my best friend read Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice."

She was obsessed with the movie and so that's why she wanted to read the book and she was so dedicated.

She had this like electronic dictionary that she would like whip out at the same time as reading "Pride and Prejudice" and like she would go and like look up words as she was reading.

It was all very impressive to me as a 10-year-old, still impressive to me as an adult, but I tried reading it 'cause I was like, I'll not be bested by my best friend in literacy.

And I just, honestly, I couldn't do it. I didn't like it.

- So this is your opinion of me.

Thank you for explaining so fully.

- And I think part of the reason also is that I didn't like the movie at that time.

I love the movie now, trust I do.

But I didn't understand it.

Like I couldn't understand the accents (laughing), I just couldn't understand like what they were talking about or why any of this was necessary.

And so I didn't have a love from the movie and therefore it did not motivate me to read the book.

I've since read "Pride and Prejudice" and I actually really like it, but I read the book as an adult when I became like a better reader and so it wasn't as challenging when I first opened the book you know.

(text clicking) This is a just a suggestion for something to improve your media analysis skills.

I think you should read reviews for things that you feel passionately about.

You don't have to do this for every piece of media, I definitely don't unless you want to of course.

But it's more fun discussing and researching about things that you actually enjoy.

So my introduction to video essays was Sideways, and he just came back after four years, which was like a Canon moment on my YouTube Explore page this week.

As I said, I was a Disney, I was a Disney kid and he made a lot of video essays about the music in Disney movies.

I was more ready to like learn and be invigorated by this topic because it was a topic I was really interested in.

My next thing, I've talked about this before, I will still say it again.

Stop caring about the number of things that you read or watch.

- I had a grandfather who didn't think much of reading.

She always said, if you read too many books your head would fall off.

- I'm gonna share two text posts that are two sides of the same coin.

So this person on Twitter said over 30 books in a year is consumerist and anti-intellectual.

And then this Substack user wrote, "I don't care if this sounds bad, new rule for 2026 is if you read less than five books in a year, I don't care about your opinion."

The comment thread between these two opposing viewpoints is that they both care too much about what other people are doing.

Stop caring about how fast someone reads.

Stop caring about the number of books someone else reads.

Stop caring about the number of books someone is checking off.

Like books are different lengths.

People read at different speeds, people engage at different depths with different books.

People have different interests and priorities and things to do.

When we're so focused on numbers, I think the nuances of reading collapse.

And on that note, you don't actually have to know everything either.

You really don't.

This was something that took me a while to understand.

It's something that I really kind of only understood in my late twenties because a couple years ago I just felt like I was behind in everything.

Like I didn't know any like cool musicians.

I didn't have like as many movies logged in.

I didn't know as many books.

Like I just felt like I had to do all this catch up.

And the reality is like you don't have to catch up, like you are doing great just where you are.

The point of engaging with any of these things is to actually engage and to the first person's point, if you're just like breezing through 30 books and you're not actually like thinking like, you know, if it's like not something that you're actually enjoying, then that's not worth it.

But similarly, it is possible to engage deeply with 30 books.

This is my suggestion because I read a lot of nonfiction and I also at the same time never grew up reading nonfiction.

I always thought nonfiction was the boring type of books.

I loved fiction.

And what got me into reading nonfiction was that I would read fiction and something would call out from the book that I was reading in fiction, it would spur me to research what that meant.

So then I would transition into nonfiction.

It's fine if you like, just enjoy nonfiction.

If you enjoy facts, like obviously this doesn't really matter.

But for me, I've always felt like I needed some kind of link to my personal interests.

As an example, I was a really big fan of the movie "Atonement."

I still am.

The first video on this YouTube channel actually is about the movie "Atonement."

That's how much I ride for that movie.

Also, if you know my lore, I am super super into the 1930s as a time period, but it was because of this movie.

I watched this movie and then I was like, "Oh my God, the dress she's wearing is so beautiful."

So then I was looking at like 1930s gowns and then it just sort of like spiraled out from there.

(pleasant music) If you wanna engage in internet discourse, I think it benefits us to be aware of our own biases.

What this means is when engaging in a piece of media, ask yourself why you think the way that you do.

Like why do you have this opinion?

What kind of experiences have you yourself lived through or what previous media have you been exposed to before that has guided you to reach this interpretation?

I think that's really helpful and we'll go back to why.

In general, I just wanna say like I would try to limit scrolling through comment sections through Twitter, through Reddit, any platform where people get really heated and where they're not encouraged by the platform to give like particularly long responses.

The reason being, I think it's really difficult to say your piece in a short amount of time.

I think having a low word count or a time limit, it encourages people to make more declarative sentences that can be then misinterpreted or taken too extreme.

It reminds me of one of my favorite posts on the internet ever.

People be saying things so definitively like, man, I think it depends, but if you can't help yourself and you wanna look online and look at discourse for your own sense of peace, I would say to try to come up with the best faith judgment possible regardless of whether or not you really believe that to be the case.

But I do think this is a necessary step you have to do if you wanna have a productive conversation at all.

I see this a lot in media discourse, where someone will say they didn't, like, for example, Emerald Fennell's "Saltburn," they don't like the framing that Oliver, the main character, who is middle class was preying on this like poor, rich family.

They thought this was bringing to light fears that rich people have of the middle class leaching on them and sort of validating those fears because Oliver is pretty insane in the movie.

This is a fair reason to dislike the movie.

This is the problem that I actually have with this movie.

The person that is speaking is me, but there are other people who thought this movie was great and saw it as like an eat the rich film.

When someone says they think the class commentary was good, the next question should be, what could their experience be to reach that conclusion?

Maybe they really liked Oliver and therefore they saw him as this, like this hero.

All rich people die and so like yay, he wins at the end.

And that would be a different takeaway than the takeaway that I had.

You don't have to change your own opinion by acknowledging different opinions, but I think the only way to like have a productive conversation in which you leave like more enlighten than before is to have some grasp of why someone could think this way.

And that's just generally the problem with online discourse.

It's like no one wants to actually have a conversation where they learn something like people just want to win arguments with strangers, which honestly is like not even productive because you don't know anything about this stranger you're talking to.

I have friends who are sex workers and they've told me there are so many people in this world, who have a very strong humiliation fetish, you like being yelled at.

You could be arguing with someone like this in which they're actually in fact winning by getting a reaction from you that they want.

There's this other tweet that I like from Scott, that hard thing you need to do.

How would the most relaxed version of you approach it?

The most confident version.

(text clicking) This is like for everything, but when it comes to like internet discourse, it's like would the most confident version of you respond to every negative comment?

I posted a TikTok like some months ago, when that Vogue article "Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing?" came out and I really didn't like the article.

And looking back like I was really biased in my criticisms in the sense that I was like very critical of it because I didn't like it, and there were people who were arguing with me in the comments like immediately.

One of the criticisms in that video that I had was that I thought the title was like click baity, and that we're just like leading to this idea that like everything is embarrassing, whatever, but not everything is embarrassing and it's only embarrassing for this like small group of people on the internet.

I was like, this is a hyperbolic headline that doesn't serve anything.

And this person in the comment section, who called me stupid also clocked my tea and was like, aren't your titles clickbait?

And looking back like I was like, dang.

I mean they were kind of right.

And it is kind of hypocritical for me to be so critical of someone else doing the same thing that I'm doing.

But in that moment I was so angry, like I was like, I cannot, like I cannot fold in this argument.

It's not a conversation, it's an argument.

But the most confident version of me, the most relaxed version of me would've been like, you're right.

And that is that.

Next point is related.

I think it's really important that we admit when we're wrong.

Again, I have trouble with this, one, because it's embarrassing to admit that you're wrong.

Like I validate that feeling entirely.

And I also think people can be so abrasive on the internet that you don't even feel safe admitting that you're wrong because you know like this person that you're arguing with will take it as a win from them.

Like they won't actually understand that it's not, the winning is not the point.

So I get it.

At the same time, I read this piece in The Guardian by Hannah Seo.

So she writes about the importance of intellectual humility.

She summarized the words of Tenelle Porter, an assistant psychology professor.

People high in intellectual humility are able to acknowledge the limits of their knowledge of beliefs.

They recognize that we all get things wrong and are willing to admit their own gaps in knowledge.

Meanwhile, people low in intellectual humility tend to over confidently cling to their beliefs and are not swayed by opposing evidence.

Intellectual humility is really good to have just like for your interpersonal relationships.

Research suggests that couples who score higher in intellectual humility tend to have healthier conflict management as well as a higher relationship quality and satisfaction.

On average, people prefer to befriend or date people who are more humble.

Also, something that I thought was interesting in this article, a person's intellectual humility is also linked with how flexible their thinking is in general.

So if you notice defensiveness or anger when say a regular routine is disrupted, that could be a sign that your intellectual humility could use some work.

(pleasant music) - You don't try everything.

How are you gonna find out what you really like?

- I am really struggling with routine disruption right now.

I am trying to work through that and just be more flexible of a person.

For me, this relates to like actual scheduling stuff, like actual routines, but I just get really stressed out if things are not going according to plan or if like I have to move things around basically where I'm not in control of the things that are happening in my day.

So to combat that, I've actually been purposely destabilizing myself.

Microdosing instability.

I hate to go back to the GPS.

Like I really don't feel like Google maps is ruining lives.

You know, this is not who I wanna be picking my battles with.

It's just the easiest example I can come up with.

But the other day I just took the wrong turn on purpose.

Like I was going somewhere and I was like, what if I just took this wrong turn?

Once you take one wrong turn, it's easy to turn back.

But it was just like, how can I make it so that I am comfortable with things not going perfectly to plan?

Like I'm not saying that you should be like super risk-taking with your life, but this is mostly for people, who are like a me in which we are so like overwhelmed by anxiety and decision fatigue and wanting to nail things down perfectly, which is why we have this decision fatigue.

And so sometimes it's just better to be like, let's see what happens when things are just like not according to plan.

Oh, no one died. I'm like not in trouble.

Like nothing bad happened to me. How can I learn from this?

Like how can I apply this to do like bigger steps?

So a bigger step, another way to embrace life's chaos is to do new activities that are out of your comfort zone.

You know how I used to complain as teenagers about how our parents had like really awful music taste.

Not awful, my parents had good music taste, but like you know, they would not want to explore new music, they wouldn't wanna watch new movies.

It's like they had already like settled in on their tastes.

I actually came across this like stat significant blog and they said that survey research from Europeans streaming service Deezer indicates that music discovery peaks at 24 with survey respondents reporting increased variety in their music rotation during this time.

However, after this age, our ability to keep up with music trends typically declines with respondents reporting significantly lower levels of discovery in their early thirties.

Ultimately, the Deezer study pinpoints 31 as the age when musical tastes start to stagnate.

I mean, how sad is that?

Just like have this belief that you all have discovered all good music in your life before you hit 32.

Obviously I think it's more of a subconscious thing.

It's not like people are like, I'm not gonna listen to any new music once I reach this age.

But it's like something that just like happens when your priorities shift from being a place of discovery to being a place of like, "I'm satisfied and I'm being stagnant right now."

And because it's like a subconscious thing, it's also something that you can really challenge where you can be like, I'm gonna listen to this new album.

I'm gonna like go to this new concert or whatever and I'm going to like put myself in a place of exploration and curiosity.

Yesterday I took an ice skating class, I've been like doing ice skating, like here and there.

I'll like go to the rink and just like skate around.

But I was like, you know what? I wanna properly take a class because I don't think I'm skating right.

I wanna be able to do a little jump, a lutz of some sort.

I don't know how long that's gonna take for me to do that, but I wanna do that.

I wanna be able to like glide and skate backwards.

Like that would just be really cool.

And then today I took my first martial arts class and this was also like a random decision.

I just was on like Kung Fu TikTok and I was like, that's really cool.

And I was like, what's stopping me?

Like let me look at what's in my area, let's see what classes are available and just sign up.

And both of these experiences, I didn't go with anyone, I didn't know anyone who was gonna do it.

I didn't know who was gonna be in my classes and they were both like awesome.

And I had so much fun.

Granted, I've like tried classes throughout my entire adult life.

Like I've constantly been trying to put myself out there with activities.

I've like tried dance class, I've tried tennis, I've tried bar class, I've tried random things.

Okay, like if I have the compulsion and I have enough money to do it at a time period, I'll try to do it.

And a lot of them don't stick.

A lot of them I'm really bad at like I don't do dance anymore.

Like I realize dance in a class setting contemporary dance, I'll say that, was not for me.

Bar is definitely not for me.

Yoga is dependent on the instructor for me, but I've never regretted anything I've tried.

The alternative is living my whole life, having these regrets and being like, "Oh my god, what if I tried contemporary dance when I was younger and what if I ended up really loving contemporary dance and what if like I could have just changed my life trajectory and become a contemporary dancer?"

Now I know that would never happen because I tried it and I didn't like it.

(text clicking) This is sort of like not really related, I don't know why I put this here in my list of bullets, but I think it's really important to meet new people constantly.

Like put yourself out there.

I've been in modes of like no new friends, which sounds awful, but it's really because during those times in my life I just had so much going on and I was so stressed out that I was like, I can't, like my heart cannot be open to making plans with new people when I am running around like circles, trying to still maintain the friendships that I currently have in my life that I've already made.

But looking back, I'm like, I think I was just overthinking everything.

You know, life should be just about like rolling with the punches.

Like sometimes you're gonna have like these people in your life.

Sometimes you're gonna have new people in your life.

Sometimes you'll go back to people that you used to have in your life.

Like my current best friend was my best friend in high school and she moved to California, and I was in New York, so we kind of like didn't really talk.

We also had like a huge fight in college, where we went no contact for four years, which was crazy.

But (laughing), people are at different places in their lives and when I was younger, I was so tethered to this idea of like, I wanna have a best friend.

I wanna have like these deep connections immediately.

I wanna have like a friend group rather than just like allowing myself be fluid and being like, "Okay, I don't have expectations for any of these people," but if I see this person in my class every week and over time we become closer and we enjoy hanging out together, we could be best friends.

Like I'm open to that experience, but I think it's just not going into social interactions with prescribed ideas of like, I'm not gonna wanna talk to anyone or I'm gonna want to talk to everyone and have everyone be my bestie.

Reduce the expectations, so that you can reduce the disappointments and you can go to new experiences with a heart open and with excitement.

Okay, almost done.

Inconvenience yourself for your community on occasion.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

This is something that I've been trying to do more since I've moved to California, especially because I have a car, I think in New York without a car, like you don't wanna pick someone up at the airport if you don't have a car.

Like there's no purpose.

There's just like certain things in California that makes sense for me to be able to offer as services to my friends.

That might just be a mindset thing, that might just be, this is the stage of my life I'm in and I just happen to be in California.

But whatever it is, I've been trying to extend myself more to people, I will offer to do favors without people asking me to do the favor, because I wanna set a precedent with my friends here where like you can lean on me, and therefore, I can lean on you.

When I first left college, I was in a really dark place because I was a new adult and I didn't have a job and I moved to a new city and I didn't have any friends and I felt very alone because when you're in college, you know you're like in this like cohort of people, you feel like everyone gets along, everyone knows you, you have people that you can depend on.

Like I had friends who I knew I could depend on because they held my hair when I was vomiting from drinking too much, you know?

But there's like less tests as an adult that you go through because I think part of it is like you don't wanna inconvenience people because people have like other activities going on, whereas like in college you're kind of just like all together.

You can go over to like the next room in your dorm and like ask for sugar if you need it because they're probably going to be home and it's just really easy to do.

As an adult, you just have to like put in place like these tests and some of these tests will mean you volunteering to do stuff for people to show, to prove that you are a good friend to them.

I feel like better now because I've done that work and people have done that work back for me where I'm like, I know that like if I have a problem, if there's a fricking rat in my house or something (laughing) I know I can count on someone to help me take it out.

(pleasant music) I think I might have lost the plot a little bit with this video.

It was supposed to be about like how I get smarter and then it kind of like devolved into these like interpersonal things, suggestions that I have for people.

But I also think that like empathy and emotional intelligence, like those are to me really the highest forms of intelligence because if we're not living for a community, then what are we living for?

I wanna end with this one quote from this pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

I discovered this quote outta context on Arena.

I don't know anything about this man.

It might be misattributed or misquoted.

I just wanna preface that because I'm trying to be like a critical thinker.

I don't wanna spread misinformation, but I like the quote, so here we go.

The person who's in love with their vision of community will destroy community, but the person who loves the people around them will create community everywhere they go.

A lot of the suggestions about like getting rid of your phone, I think the things that they say you should do instead of being on your phone are not that helpful because for someone like me, the only way for me to not be on my phone all the time is for me to have things to do.

And I'm not talking about like overloading yourself with work, but just like doing things like going out, hanging out with your friends, going to a movie theater, like taking a class, like these are all things where I'm like, I actually just like physically can't be on my phone because I'm stimulated in this way doing this activity in a different place and I'm not bored.

I go to the phone because I'm bored.

That is the final note that I'll end this video on.

That is I guess all I have to talk about today.

This was a weird video, huh?

Lemme know what you think, (laughing), better yet, let me know your suggestions for how you are embracing nuance, embracing critical thought, embracing your community, embracing social stuff, and for taking the phone.

Yes. Thank you so much for tuning in.

I hope you have a lovely rest of your day Okay bye. (kisses)

Okay bye. (kisses)