How to Be Better Than 99% of People
By Mark Manson
Summary
## Key takeaways - **Embrace your averageness, don't chase extremes.**: The obsession with being extraordinary is a trap; accepting your mediocrity can actually set you free by removing the pressure of constant exceptionalism. [02:37], [13:23] - **Bell curves explain human potential and limitations.**: Most people fall in the middle of the bell curve for most skills; achieving true greatness in one area requires immense dedication, making extraordinary performance in all areas virtually impossible. [03:20], [05:15] - **Media floods us with curated extremes.**: We're constantly exposed to the most exceptional moments of others' lives, creating a false perception that extraordinary is the norm and leading to feelings of inadequacy. [07:46], [09:40] - **Obsession with improvement, not ego, drives greatness.**: Truly exceptional individuals become great not from believing they are already exceptional, but from an obsession with improvement fueled by the belief that they are, in fact, mediocre. [11:45], [12:05] - **Accepting mediocrity leads to true growth.**: The real wins in life come from embracing the mundane and average, which frees you from the pressure of constant performance and allows appreciation for simple, meaningful experiences. [12:46], [13:53]
Topics Covered
- Why are we pressured to be exceptional at everything?
- The uncomfortable truth: most of us are average.
- How the internet makes mediocrity feel like failure.
- Accepting mediocrity is the true path to greatness.
- Embrace the mundane for real emotional health and freedom.
Full Transcript
So, there's this guy, a world-renowned
billionaire, a tech genius, inventor,
and entrepreneur. He's athletic and
talented and handsome with a jaw so
chiseled it looks like Zeus came down
from Olympus and carved the [ __ ]
himself. This guy's got a small fleet of
sports cars, a few yachts, and when he's
not giving millions of dollars to
charities, he's changing out supermodel
girlfriends like other people change
their socks. This guy's smile can melt
the whole room. His charm is so thick
you could swim in it. Half of his
friends were Times man of the year and
the other half don't care cuz they could
just buy Time magazine if they wanted
to. This man, you guessed it, his name
is Bruce Wayne, also known as Batman.
And well, he's a comic book character.
>> I'm a rich kid with issues. Lots of
issues.
Now, it's an interesting facet of human
nature that we seem to have this need to
come up with these sort of fictional
heroes that embody perfection and
everything that we dream of and admire.
Medieval Europe had gallant knights
fighting off dragons. Ancient Rome and
Greece had their myths about heroes who
won wars single-handedly and in some
cases fought against the gods. Every
other human culture is replete with such
fantastical tales of utter perfection
embodied in one human. And today we have
our comic book superheroes.
Take Superman. I mean, the guy is
basically a god in a pair of red
speedos. He is indestructible and
unbeatable. And the only thing as sturdy
as his physical fortitude is his moral
fortitude. In Superman's world, justice
is always black and white. And Superman
never waver from doing what's right, no
matter what.
>> People were going to die, die, die.
>> Now, I don't think I'm exactly shaking
up the field of psychology by suggesting
that as humans, we have this inherent
need to conjure up these heroes to help
us cope with our own feelings of
powerlessness. I mean, that's
essentially what Joseph Campbell's
entire work is based off of. There are
over 8 billion people on this planet,
and really only about a thousand of
those have any major worldwide influence
at any given time. So that leaves 7
bill999,999,000
of us to come to terms with the limited
scope of our lives and the fact that the
vast majority of what we do will likely
not matter long after we've died. This
is not a fun thing to think about or to
accept. You're probably here because you
want to get ahead of most of those
people. But today, I want to take a
detour from our usual make more, buy
more, [ __ ] more programming and argue
for,
well, coming to terms with your own
mediocrity, your own averess.
>> This man is overcasted.
>> Now, I know that's not super sexy or
exciting, but hear me out because I
think this is actually way more
important. Everything in life is a
trade-off. Some of us are born with high
aptitudes for academic learning. Others
are born with great physical skills.
Others are really athletic. Others are
artistic. Others can solve a Rubik's
cube in 3 seconds flat. In terms of
skills and talents, humans are a wildly
diverse group of smelly creatures. Sure,
what we end up accomplishing in life
ultimately depends on our practice and
effort. But we are all born with
different aptitudes and potentials.
Let's imagine all those aptitudes and
potentials on a graph. Here is what is
called a bell curve. Now, any of you who
have taken a statistics class and
survived it will recognize it. A bell
curve is quite simple. Take a population
of people, like let's say people who
play golf at least once a year. The
horizontal axis represents how good they
are at golf. Further to the right means
that they're really good. Further to the
left means that they're like me and
they're [ __ ] terrible. Now, notice
that it gets really thin at the far ends
of the curve. That means that there are
a few people who are really, really good
and a few people who are really, really
terrible. The majority will fall into
the mediocre middle. Now, we can apply a
curve in this way to pretty much
anything in a population. Height,
weight, emotional maturity, wages, how
often people like to [ __ ] and so on and
so forth. For example, this is Michael
Jordan dunking a basketball. It is well
known that he is one of the best to ever
do it. Therefore, he is all the way on
the right side of the curve, better than
99.9999%
of people who have ever dunked a
basketball ever. Then you have this guy.
Obviously, he's no Michael Jordan. In
fact, chances are many of you watching
this right now could probably do better
than this guy. That means he's all the
way on the left side of the bell curve
and extreme on the other side. Now, we
stand in awe of MJ because he's more
athletic than all of us combined. We
laugh at the unathletic guy because he's
less athletic than pretty much all of
us. Both are at different extremes of
the bell curve. And well, as you guessed
it, most of us are part of the majority
in the middle. We all have our own
strengths and weaknesses, but the fact
is most of us are pretty average at most
things we do. Even if you're truly
exceptional at one thing, say math or
jump rope or making money from crypto
scams, chances are you're pretty average
at everything else. That's just the
nature of life. That's the nature of
being a human being. To become truly
great at something, you have to dedicate
so much time and energy to it. And
because none of us have infinite time
and energy, basically none of us can be
truly exceptional at more than one or
two things in our entire lives.
Statistically, we can very confidently
say that it's basically impossible for
somebody to be an extraordinary
performer in all areas of their life,
like a Bruce Wayne. And for most of us,
even more than one area of our life. I
mean, it's like if you're lucky, you can
be extraordinary at one thing. But if
we're being honest, most of us don't
even achieve that. And sure enough, you
see this in the world all around you.
Brilliant businessmen are often fuckups
in their personal lives. Extraordinary
athletes are often shallow and dumb as
the [ __ ] souls of their thousand
special edition shoes. Most celebrities
are just as clueless about life as the
people who gawk at them and follow their
every move. Pick any notable online
personality and follow them for long
enough and it's not hard to notice all
the ways in which they are average or
below average. You have the health gurus
whose relationships are a mess, the
relationship gurus whose finances are a
mess, the financial gurus have no
friends or social life. Or take me, you
will not meet someone with more mediocre
health habits than I do. But that's only
because I'm exceptionally fun at a
party.
So, if you're struggling to come to
terms with your mediocrity, maybe you
should consider therapy or the sponsor
of today's video, BetterHelp. Now, lofty
terms like success and mediocrity can be
difficult to wrangle and contextualize,
but talking with a therapist
specifically tailored to your needs and
wants can hopefully make the process a
bit easier. Now, through an onboarding
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therapist who can help you with your
specific problems. From there, you can
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wish through text, phone calls, or
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therapists, you can do so at any time
with no questions asked. Therapy has
been hugely impactful for me when I was
younger. It took me from being a brash,
insecure, selfish young man to merely a
brash and somewhat insecure older man.
That's not the best sales pitch, but
trust me, it was an improvement, which
in hindsight was very significant for my
growth. Use the link in the description
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therapy or go to
betterhelp.com/markmanson.
We are all for the most part pretty
average people and it's the extremes
that get all the publicity. Now, we all
kind of intuitively know this, but we
rarely think or talk about it. The vast
majority of us will never truly be
exceptional at well, pretty much
anything. And that's okay. So, here's
the problem. I would argue that we have
this expectation or dare I say
entitlement more today than any other
time in history that we should be
exceptional that we should be
extraordinary at everything but our
attention is limited. There is no way we
can process the title waves of
information flowing through the internet
at any given time. Therefore, the only
ones that break through and catch our
attention are the truly exceptional
pieces of information. the 99.999th
percentile, the Michael Jordans of
everything. All day, every day, we are
flooded with the truly extraordinary,
the best of the best, the worst of the
worst, the greatest physical feats, the
funniest jokes, the most upsetting news,
the scariest threats. Non-stop.
Everything is Bruce Wayne. We are a
bunch of normal people living in a Bruce
Wayne world where everything is expected
to be extraordinary. Our lives today are
filled with information coming from the
extremes of the bell curve. Because in
the media, that's what gets eyeballs and
the eyeballs bring dollars. That's it.
Yet, the vast majority of our life
continues to reside in the humdrum
middle. It's my belief that this flood
of extreme information has conditioned
us to erroneously believe that
exceptional is the new normal. And since
all of us are rarely exceptional, we all
feel pretty damn insecure and terrible
about it. Paradoxically, we think being
better than 99% of people should be
standard without realizing the
mathematical reality. That for every
hundred of us who attempt this, 99 of us
will fail. There's a kind of
psychological tyranny in our culture
today. A sense that we must always be
proving that we're special, that we're
unique, that we're exceptional all the
[ __ ] time. Then we watch three Tik
Toks of other people doing something
amazing and we get down on ourselves for
not being as good as them. For example,
take a montage like this. This doesn't
even register to us as unique or
incredible. To get the five seconds of
incredible footage likely spent years
and years and years and years practicing
their craft as well as dozens of hours
of recording just to get a perfect
5-second shot. Yet, we're not exposed to
those years of practice. We're not
exposed to the hours of failed footage.
We're not exposed to all the mistakes,
to all the mediocrity. We're merely
exposed to the best five seconds of
every single person's life all the time.
Then we watch us and we forget it within
minutes because we're on to the next
thing and the next incredible thing and
the next incredible thing. Now, I know
what you're saying, but but but Mark, if
I'm not going to be special or
extraordinary, what's the point of doing
anything? Look, let's be honest. I click
baited you here with a title promising
you how to be extraordinary, how to be
better than 99% of people. And now I
just crushed your soul and bored you for
10 minutes about how everyone, even the
ones you look up to, are mostly average
at most things.
>> What? No. No. What?
>> And here's the point. This idea that you
can get ahead of 99% of people in life,
it's kind of [ __ ] because even if
you pick one domain, like let's say
money, let's say you just want to make a
[ __ ] ton of money to do so, you will
have to give up so much in other areas
of your life that you will still feel
painfully hopelessly ordinary. I mean,
there's a reason why the 10 richest men
in the world have been divorced 13
times. A lot of people are afraid to
accept mediocrity because they believe
that if they accept being mediocre, then
they will never actually achieve
anything. their life will never mean
anything, that they'll never improve at
anything, that their life won't get
better. And I find this sort of thinking
to be very dangerous, because once you
accept the premise that life is only
worthwhile if it is truly notable or
great, then you basically accept the
fact that most of the human population
sucks and is worthless. And ethically
speaking, that is like a very dark place
to go. Not to mention, when you face
your own inevitable mediocrity, you will
not have any compassion for it. But
let's put our mental health and
philosophical arguments aside for a
second because most people's problem
with accepting mediocrity is actually
more practical. They worry that if I
accept being average, then I'll never
achieve anything great. So, don't I have
to like convince myself that I'm going
to be one of the rare extraordinary ones
to actually do the work to succeed? This
too is totally [ __ ] ass backwards
because if you actually look at the
people who become truly exceptional at
something, they do so not because they
believe they're exceptional. On the
contrary, they become amazing because
they are obsessed with improvement. And
that obsession with improvement stems
from an unairring belief that they are
in fact not great at all. That they are
completely mediocre. That they are
average, below average. Why should
people care about Tyler the creator?
>> They shouldn't. I'm not [ __ ] I actually
suck. It's tight.
>> And this is the great irony about
ambition. If you wish to be smarter and
more successful than everybody else,
then you will always feel like a
failure. If you wish to be the most
loved and the most popular, then you
will always feel alone. If you wish to
be the most powerful and admired, then
you will feel weak and impotent. All of
this every person can be extraordinary
and achieve greatness stuff is basically
just jerking off your ego. It is [ __ ]
that is sold to you to make you feel
good for a few minutes and to get you
through the week without hanging
yourself in a cubicle. It's a message
that tastes good going down, but in
reality is nothing more than empty
calories that make you emotionally fat
and bloated. It's the proverbial Big Mac
for your heart and your brain. The
ticket to emotional health, like
physical health, is eating your veggies.
That is through accepting the bland and
mundane truths of life. A light salad of
you're actually pretty average in the
grand scheme of things and some steamed
broccoli of the vast majority of your
life will be unremarkable, unnotable,
and unexciting. But that's totally okay
because you're still a worthwhile human
anyway. And this will taste very bad at
first, very bad. And you will avoid
eating it. But once it's ingested, your
body will actually wake up feeling more
potent and more alive. After all, that
constant stress and pressure to always
be something amazing, to do the next big
thing, it will be lifted off your back.
And that stress and anxiety of feeling
inadequate will dissipate. And the
knowledge and acceptance of your own
mundane existence will actually free you
to accomplish all of the amazing things
that you wish for yourself without the
judgment, without the expectation, and
without the pressure. You will have a
growing appreciation for life's basic
experiences. You will learn to measure
yourself through a new and healthier
means, the pleasures of a simple
friendship, of creating something new,
of helping a person in need, of reading
a good book, of laughing while eating a
salad. It sounds boring, doesn't it?
That's because these things are average.
But maybe, maybe they're average for a
reason, because they are what actually
matter. Thank you for watching this
video. I hope it helped. And if you
liked it, you should watch this video,
too.
It's a different video and it's kind of
it's a couple years old. My hair was
very different. But if you like this
one, you'll probably like that one, too.
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