How To DESTROY Negative Thoughts (And Rewire Your Brain) | Tony Robbins

There is so much if you think it, you will get it. But I still don't think it's going to fix everything for me.

>> No,, no., I, mean,, listen,, whatever, you think about consistently, you tend to manifest in your life. But there are other things beyond just that one force of what you want. To think otherwise is think you're the center of the universe which is absurd to me. So, you're saying

the law of attraction? I said, "No, law of attraction is real. It's one of dozens dozens of laws." And you're saying that's the whole game.

>> I'm, sitting, down, with, the, iconic, Tony Robbins, modern-day philosopher, author.

If you're sick of the platitudes and the manifesting and unable to build a tactical [music] sustainable daily approach to improving your life, today's episode is for you.

Stop creating flimsy New Year's resolutions. [music]

resolutions. [music] Change your life for real today with me.

So many people feel like they can't say the thing [music] that might actually help >> because, it, might, hurt, somebody's feelings.

>> Why, do, we, get, up, this, thing, that, you're not supposed to offend anybody? If

you're not going to offend anybody you're not going to have any impact.

Sometimes you got to do what's uncomfortable. Otherwise, you're just

uncomfortable. Otherwise, you're just making yourself feel good. I can make myself feel good and go, gosh, that's so horrible. I understand. F that. Some

horrible. I understand. F that. Some

part of you wants transformation or you wouldn't be in my presence and it's going to happen. We all tell ourselves stories about things. Our narrative of our life controls our life more than anything else. So, you have to divorce

anything else. So, you have to divorce your limitations and marry the truth of your unlimited ability.

>> What, are, the, biggest, lies, that, we, are told because it seems [music] nice instead of true today.

>> Okay., I, want, to, talk, about, a, million things with you. I've been so excited to have this conversation.

>> Great, to, have, you.

>> Thanks, for, taking, the, time., I, want, to talk about uh a thing that I used to think was touchyfey. And then actually you were one of the first guys that made me realize you could have all the tools all the tactics, all the metrics

>> but, if, you, don't, have, your, mind, right, none of it will work >> right?

>> And, one, of, the, things, that, I, love, about you is you've beaten into my mind that peak performance starts with mindset.

>> Yes.

>> And, that, that, is, not, actually, a touchyfey thing. But you've also hinted

touchyfey thing. But you've also hinted that in some ways there's something that comes before mindset. And why is the order of that so important?

>> This, actually, came, because, for, oh, gosh this is going to be my 49th year. I've

traveled the earth at a really unique time. I've been in every single major

time. I've been in every single major country in the world. I have clients in every country of the world. So 193

countries give you an idea. And so after a while you recognize patterns. And one

of the patterns that I began to recognize is what creates a breakthrough. Because I'm interested not

breakthrough. Because I'm interested not in just managing something or making it better. I want to scale something. I

better. I want to scale something. I

want to see it grow.

>> So,, or, a, breakthrough, in, your, personal life. Same thing. Somebody's going along

life. Same thing. Somebody's going along and they try to change, don't fall through. Try to change, don't fall

through. Try to change, don't fall through, beat themsel up. Like, what is the difference between the person who beat themselves up and the time when she finally he or she finally broke through?

And what I found is there's actually three elements to it. And the reason most people fail to have a breakthrough I experience is that they go after them in the wrong sequence. It's kind of like if you know the right numbers to a vault

and you put them in the wrong order, you don't get the treasure, right? Uh, same

thing with your phone number. You don't

reach the person. So, I'll give you the three S's to a breakthrough. The first

one is not the most valuable one. It's

the first one people go for.

>> It's, strategy., Now,, for, you, and, I, strategy seems like the most natural thing go for. If I want to achieve something, how do I do it? That's the

number one question, right? But the

problem with asking how do I do it is if you've never done it before, most people then go into what I call the tyranny of how. The tyranny of how is like, have

how. The tyranny of how is like, have you ever done this? Set a goal. Maybe

when you're really young, I'm going to do this. maybe told if you were going to

do this. maybe told if you were going to do this and this voice in your head goes, "Who are you kidding?" Right?

>> Because, what, happens, is, you, start, to doubt because you have no reference base. You have no experience.

base. You have no experience.

>> And, so, when, you're, uncertain,, you, don't follow through. You know, you look at a

follow through. You know, you look at a peak performer, what makes them a peak performer, if you watch them going down that court in the NBA or NFL or whatever sport it may be, you feel this relentless energy. There's not an ounce

relentless energy. There's not an ounce of hesitancy. There's absolute

of hesitancy. There's absolute certainty. That doesn't guarantee

certainty. That doesn't guarantee success, but it increases probability through the roof. When you focus on something, you, don't know, how, to, do,, the doubts show up. And then the second thing that happens is, I'll give you an

example. Let's take a simplistic piece.

example. Let's take a simplistic piece.

70% of Americans are overweight, right?

We're the fattest country in the history of the world. We're infecting every other country with our dietary patterns and people around the world are getting more and more ill.

>> But, is, the, secret, to, being, fit, and healthy like so complex that you only need super intelligent people can understand? Is it that it costs so much

understand? Is it that it costs so much to learn that technology? Is it special only for the 0.1% of the population? No.

The strategy of how to be fit and healthy, there's a million different strategies. There's not even just one.

strategies. There's not even just one.

And they they all work to certain extent. Some are better than others

extent. Some are better than others obviously. So the strate it's not a

obviously. So the strate it's not a strategy problem. Now it's possible. I

strategy problem. Now it's possible. I

remember, about, I, don't know, it's, about 15 years ago Time magazine had the cover of a magazine. It was the Atkins diet and they said 14% of Americans are on the Atkins diet. Well, if you're on the Atkins diet, hopefully you woke up at

some point and went, "If this anything makes my breath smell this bad and I got to pee on a stick, so I got so much acid in my body." Probably is not sustainable. But everybody did it. It

sustainable. But everybody did it. It

worked for a short time. They went and did the piece to make it work. So, some

people just have the wrong strategy. But

the real problem is the second S. I'm

moving backwards in order of importance.

Meaning strategy is the least important.

Even though I consider myself a strategist, I know the right strategy could save you 10 years in your business. The right strategy could save

business. The right strategy could save you months in terms of turning turn your weight around or transforming a relationship. It could be minutes

relationship. It could be minutes right? If you have the right strategy.

right? If you have the right strategy.

But people don't use the strategy because the second S gets in the way which is their story.

>> The, story,, we, all, tell, ourselves, stories about things. Our narrative of our life

about things. Our narrative of our life controls our life more than anything else. And all the story is is a set of

else. And all the story is is a set of beliefs.

>> And, beliefs, are, nothing, but, things, we've told oursel over and over again with so much certainty that now we believe them.

Like for example for yourself if I can ask can you think of any belief you may have had 10 15 years ago that you back then you would have fought for that belief but today you're almost embarrassed you had that belief.

>> Yes.

>> Right., Most, people, can., So, the, fact, that you believe it doesn't mean it's true.

It just means you're certain.

>> And, so, most, people, have, certainty, but what won't work. So if let's take the example fitness again. So why don't you ask that person who's 35 lbs overweight?

>> How, come, you're, overweight?

>> Well, I've, tried, well, he, say, I've, tried >> everything.

>> That's, right., everything., And, I, look, at them and I say, "With all due respect you haven't tried everything." "Yes, I have. I've tried thousands of things."

have. I've tried thousands of things."

Okay, name them. And then they'll go "Well, I've tried, you know, hundreds of things. Name them." Well, I've tried

things. Name them." Well, I've tried these two things that don't work over and over again is what it'll come down to, right? And they call that

to, right? And they call that everything, right? So, the story gets

everything, right? So, the story gets them to do it. You're not in a relationship. You don't have a relation.

relationship. You don't have a relation.

You say you want one. Why aren't you in one? Well, the good ones are all taken.

one? Well, the good ones are all taken.

They're gone. Or they're gay and I'm not. Or I'm gay and they're not. Right?

not. Or I'm gay and they're not. Right?

It's not true. It's just not true. But

the story controls what you're willing to do or not do because it's a belief and beliefs control actions, right? So

even if you have the right strategy, if your story doesn't support it, have you ever been with somebody and you were let's say, um >> trying, to, help, them, and, you, got, lots, of skill and so you're showing, hey, here's

what you can do to take on small businesses and build a real mini empire for yourself, right? And you can do it with businesses people aren't competing you for and you can earn great cash flow and it's not sexy, but it's very

successful. let me show you how. And you

successful. let me show you how. And you

could put all that in front of them and they're just like, "No, they're it's like, no, you know, I just no, that's not going to happen. It just won't work for me." You say, "No, no, look, I can

for me." You say, "No, no, look, I can show you. I've done it." No, no, it

show you. I've done it." No, no, it doesn't work for me. And the more you push on them, then they get more irritated. And the reason they're

irritated. And the reason they're irritated is they want to hang on to their story because the deepest fear everybody has. Everyone has kings I've

everybody has. Everyone has kings I've dealt with in Queens, you know [clears throat], Academy, Award, winners, Grammy winners, you know, winners of of the NFL, greatest the greatest players

in history. Everybody has a fear at some

in history. Everybody has a fear at some point that they're not enough.

>> Yeah.

>> Not, rich, enough,, not, smart, enough,, not funny enough, not attractive enough, you know, not playful enough, not something enough. And the deeper fear we have is

enough. And the deeper fear we have is we're not enough. We won't be loved. And

love is really it's like the heartbeat of the soul, right? It's the it's the essence. It's the oxygen of your soul.

essence. It's the oxygen of your soul.

So people come up with a story so they can explain it's not that I'm not enough. It's just I have ADHD. Well, so

enough. It's just I have ADHD. Well, so

did you know, Sir Richard Branson, he's done quite well, right? you know, don't confuse me with the facts. So, the

story,, no matter, how, good, and, clear, the strategy, and you do a fantastic job, I want to say on the air, you know, I went through your book and I just thought you made it so clear for people and I would be doing this myself if I wasn't already as advanced as I've done in terms of

size of businesses. I was looking to start. It's a great way to do it.

start. It's a great way to do it.

>> And, in, fact,, I, remembered, it, now, when when I was really like 18, I went to a guy's course called Bizarre Financing and it was all about how to build these small businesses, right? But I think you've done a more thorough job. But the

point is they're not going to do it if they don't have the right belief structure. Right? So you have to divorce

structure. Right? So you have to divorce your limitations and marry the truth of your unlimited ability. Now some people get a divorce and then they go visit their divorcee on a regular basis. It's

not a good idea. You have to just cut it off and no longer go there. You have to tap into the truth.

>> You, know, as, corny, as, it, sounds,, the truth will set you free. But for most people, they don't have someone to really do that to them. That's what I do. I create environments where that

do. I create environments where that happens. But there is something before

happens. But there is something before that and that is the first S. The one

you should start with but most people rarely even get to and that is your state. If you're going to have a

state. If you're going to have a breakthrough, it comes from your state.

You can think of that as energy vitality, strength, mental energy mental fitness, right? All that really means is your mental emotional state affects the way you perceive everything in life.

>> Have, you, ever, been, pissed, off, at somebody and then you suddenly could remember everything that they ever did that pissed you off?

>> Of, course, not., Ever., [laughter]

>> Right., So,, and, when, you're, in, love, what's wrong with life if you'll fall totally in love?

>> Not, a, damn, thing.

>> Nothing's, doing, wrong., If, we're, broke, it doesn't matter. We're in love, right?

So, your state controls your story.

>> Your, story, and, your, state, control whether you do anything. If no one showed you how to get the strategy you'd figure out the strategy. You'd

find the way you'd make the way with the right state. So all the work I've done

right state. So all the work I've done most of my life I realized was start with a state because everywhere else you're starting you're pay you know you could teach them the best tools in the world they won't follow through. If I

start with a story it's easy to shift their belief and then I can teach them the tools but if you don't do in that order people get very very frustrated.

If you do in that order it becomes very very easy. Like for example think about

very easy. Like for example think about this somebody says to you okay I know I got to go on a diet. I got to I got to exercise., [clears throat]

exercise., [clears throat] I um I'm going to do it. I'm really

going to do it isn't going to happen.

>> No, >> it's, not, going, to, happen, in, a, million years because the state they're in.

>> Most, people, are, trying, to, get, themselves to do something and what they don't understand is what you do is based on your state.

>> And, what, do, you, think, is, harder?, For

example, dieting or fasting.

>> Dieting.

>> Yes., Very, much, so.

>> Absolutely.

You just don't do it. Dieting is like a rule by attrition >> you, know,, have, this., No,, I'm, having water. You know, that's enough. Right.

water. You know, that's enough. Right.

>> Yeah., So, if, you, get, to, that, place,, that mindset, which is total resolve, that's what it takes to fast.

>> In, a, state, of, resolve,, it's, easy., When

you're dieting, you're saying, "Well could I do that? What if I could do that?" You're negotiating. Negotiation

that?" You're negotiating. Negotiation

with yourself makes you weak.

>> So, the, right, state,, you'll, get, the, right behavior, you'll get the right story and you'll find the right strategies.

And so my focus is first there. Now, I

still do all three, but that's where I go first.

>> That's, so, good., You, know,, I, was, funny because I was talking to some of our mutual friends and one of them was like "You should ask him something that you need to change, like get a little vulnerable."

vulnerable." >> Sure.

>> And, I, was, like,, "God,, he's, seen, all, the things." You know, I remember watching I

things." You know, I remember watching I am not your guru back in the day. And

you just like, you know, a woman's life you just I don't know what sort of crazy Tony Robbins magic, but you just like magicked her. And and I thought about

magicked her. And and I thought about it. I'm a pretty disciplined individual

it. I'm a pretty disciplined individual in a lot of ways, but for instance like small things, uh, this time of

year, like I will say, no, no, I'm definitely not having multiple glasses of red wine and that bread and then I will do it. But in your mind, the

formula, does it just go absolutes? So

like, is my next step just Okay, Cody no red wine ever, no bread, or I have to say it when I'm jumping on a trampoline or I have to say it when I'm excited.

Like, how do I tactically >> Well,, you, have, to, You, need, stronger reasons, honey. You don't have strong

reasons, honey. You don't have strong enough reasons to follow through.

>> So,, you, have, reasons, in, the, moment., It's

like decision-m.

>> You, know,, why, are, most, people, supposedly make a decision and then they don't follow through? That used to fascinate

follow through? That used to fascinate me too.

>> And, what, I, began, to, realize, is, a, couple things. Number one, most people don't

things. Number one, most people don't make a lot of decisions, so they have kind of weak decision-making muscles. I

don't, know if, you've, ever, been, around somebody at dinner at a restaurant and there's a person who's always the last one and they still can't decide and the waiter waitress is about to lose it and then they finally decide, right?

>> Yes., I, never, hire, them., That's, actually in the >> No,, they, never, never, hired, them, in, a million years. However, the reason

million years. However, the reason they're not making a decision is they want to make the right decision always.

They want to do the right thing >> but, perfection, doesn't, exist., It's, just not there. So if you look at decision-m

not there. So if you look at decision-m I remember I met uh General Norman Schwarzoff who you know did the original Desert Storm group and I remember asking him we were talking about leadership and what's the most important thing in

leadership and he said decision-m and I said well how do you make tough decisions? He goes that's what you're

decisions? He goes that's what you're paid for. Any idiot can make the easy

paid for. Any idiot can make the easy decision. What makes you a leader is big

decision. What makes you a leader is big decisions.

>> Yeah.

>> He, said, but, to, get, those, big, big decisions done you have to have strong enough reasons to follow through or it won't happen.

>> And, he, says, if, you, don't, come, up, with the reasons the decision doesn't last.

and he told me a story I'll never forget. He said that he was a private

forget. He said that he was a private working for a general and the general was, one, of the, most, powerful, I, think, he was a four-star general, a three star general and the p at the Pentagon and very influential man to say the least.

And Pentagon had wrestled with a decision of a strategic decision for the Pentagon as a whole for almost 10 years.

And they had people that argued on both sides pretty powerfully so much so that no one could decide. Mhm.

>> And, so, they, set, a, date, where, they're going to, finally, make, a, decision, no matter what the and the general's going to make it. And so the hewartzkoff was the private and he had five other guys.

Their job was to accumulate all this information from both sides which he said literally filled almost half a room >> and, try, to, bring, that, down, to, like, six binders the general could go through and

really understand both sides of the issue. Well, as they're doing the

issue. Well, as they're doing the coalation trying to go through this which they were completely behind, he said he was getting so scared and then the general was called out with an emergency and he had to leave and didn't

come back until literally the night before the decision-m process. And so he has no preparatory materials.

>> Mhm.

>> And, he, said,, "I, didn't, know, what, the hell to do. I gave the general stuff but I knew he couldn't possibly do it.

He couldn't resolve these. Should I

cancel the meeting?" He said, "No, bring the meeting."

the meeting." >> They, had, the, meeting., He, said,, "Okay, give me side number one." He said, "You have 20 minutes."

>> Yeah.

>> Give, me, side, number, two., You, have, 20 minutes. And when they're done, they

minutes. And when they're done, they stood up and he said, "Do that one." And

they all went, "That's general." And

they saluted and left the room. But the

story is interesting part was Schwarzkoff as a private is thinking he couldn't possibly know what was the right decision to make that decision.

This is insane. And he was so stressed about it that he worked up all his courage, knocked on the journal's door and said, "Permission to speak freely sir." He goes, "At ease." He goes

sir." He goes, "At ease." He goes "General, I know you couldn't possibly have reviewed the materials. We couldn't

even get you all the materials that are there. You just made a decision that

there. You just made a decision that determines the direction of the Pentagon. No one can make that decision

Pentagon. No one can make that decision for 10 years. You just did it." He goes "That's right. When put in command, take

"That's right. When put in command, take charge."

charge." >> He, said,, "Make, a, decision.", He, goes, "But General, you didn't have enough information." He goes, "There was too

information." He goes, "There was too much information." He said, "Both sides

much information." He said, "Both sides have been arguing for 10 years. Here's

what I know. whatever decision I made it'll be right or it'll be wrong. If

it's wrong, we'll find out quicker. It

won't take us 10 years and we can change our approach. If it's right, we'll be on

our approach. If it's right, we'll be on the right track and we'll move forward immediately. Wow.

immediately. Wow.

>> Decisions, need, to, be, made.

>> And, I, thought,, what, a, great, approach, right? So later I started studying it. I

right? So later I started studying it. I

was like, I think decisions have three parts. So when you go do yours, you

parts. So when you go do yours, you decide not to drink >> or, decide, to, drink, only, so, many, of, these elements drinks, right?

>> Decision, can, feel, a, little, bit, like, a war. I'm going to do this. I get myself

war. I'm going to do this. I get myself to do this, you know, all right, I'm going to, do, it., Right?, But, it's, a three-part process. And that's what

three-part process. And that's what people don't understand. If you decide that's all you do, you're making a decision in the moment.

>> You, meant, it, when, you, made, that, decision to yourself. Wouldn't you say?

to yourself. Wouldn't you say?

>> Sure.

>> Yeah., So,, what, happened, later, on,, you're in a different environment >> right?, You've, not, taken, the, moment, and

>> right?, You've, not, taken, the, moment, and pushed it into the future. What takes

that moment pissed in the computer is if while you're in that moment you did something to commit you to follow through where there are consequences if you didn't significant consequences right and that's what the general does

right so you look at this and go okay I say I'm going to do this but is this do I got enough reasons is this really that important to me because if it's not I want to myself I'm not here to lie to myself if I'm really going to do

it then here's my absolute commitment for the next 30 days and this is what it costs me if it doesn't right and this is what I get this is why I want to do it so it's not just a moving away from approach. But but I always tell people

approach. But but I always tell people never leave the sight of making a decision without doing something that commits you to follow through >> later, on, because, you're, going to, be, in, a different state state again, right? And

you're going to make a different decision in that different state at that party that's there. But there's a third step that most people never get to. It's

resolve.

>> So, think, about, what, does, it, mean, to, you to decide? Tell me what it means to you

to decide? Tell me what it means to you to decide. What's that feeling when you

to decide. What's that feeling when you decide?

>> It's, forward, momentum.

>> Okay.

>> It's, a, mean, to, commit., to, not, go, back.

It's >> an, ant,, you, know,, there's, an, anti instead of a >> That's, right., You, now, you, put, a, line, in the sand that's beyond just this moment and you've taken what's in the moment taking it forward. What does it mean to

you to resolve?

>> Like, no, matter, what, we're, going, to, do, we're going to execute on this.

>> That's, right., Resolve, means, it's, already done.

>> You, say, something, is, resolved,, it's already done. It's done in you, so it's

already done. It's done in you, so it's going to be done in the world. And what

resolve brings an interesting emotion.

Decision-m can be a little battle.

Commitment can feel like having to use some force, but resolve brings peace.

>> And, then, it's, like, even, if, things, don't go the way I want, even if it changes here or there, I've resolved. This is

how it is. So, I want you to think of a decision you've made that you did keep your word on >> that, was, a, difficult, decision.

>> Cuz, the, alcohol, one's, not, that difficult, right? I bet you've had some

difficult, right? I bet you've had some much more difficult decisions you've kept.

>> Definitely.

>> Can, you, tell, me, what?

>> Yeah., I, mean,, I', I'm, divorced, and remarried. So I remember when I was

remarried. So I remember when I was going through my divorce or when I was going through my not so happy marriage the first time I couldn't make a decision on doing it and so I said I'm going to put a date on a calendar and by

that date I will have done the actions I think will you know go to therapy have lots of conversations attempt to resolve it >> but, if, I, can't, that, will, be, my, date, and by then I will tell him and we will

commit. So listen to what your language

commit. So listen to what your language is even. You decided and in that day you

is even. You decided and in that day you decided you also committed. You

committed to what had to happen in the future by a certain date by a certain time and what was going to occur.

>> Yeah.

>> Did, you, get, to, resolve?

>> I, did.

>> When, did, resolve, happen?, Did, it, happen that day or later?

>> No., It, happened, that, day.

>> So, did, you, feel, what, what, did, you, feel inside when you resolved it?

>> Peace.

>> Peace.

>> Sadness., But, peace.

>> I, understand., I'm, think, ending, something is always sad. Yeah.

>> One, of, the, rules, of, life, that, most people are upset about that they don't take. It's a given in life is everything

take. It's a given in life is everything ends.

>> Yeah.

>> Right., Everything, changes.

>> But, my, view, is, and, something, new, begins.

>> Yeah.

>> Right., It's, like, the, call., It's, the, call of adventure when you know the hero's journey. It's there. So I think you

journey. It's there. So I think you either have to decide and commit ideally resolve or not kid yourself about it because it may not be that important to you.

>> Yeah,, that's, a, great, point.

>> It's, like, you, might, be, doing, you, know virtue signaling to yourself. Doesn't

sound like you told anybody else but that's people do that too. They don't

just virtual signal stupidly on social media, they do it to themselves.

>> Yeah., You, know,, it's, fascinating, you, say that. My husband is a former Navy Seal

that. My husband is a former Navy Seal and so he is so committed to commit and resolve.

>> He, does., And, one, thing, that, he's, taught me lately that has helped the last couple of years is if we if we make a decision and we are committed to it, he does a thing that now I have a word for it, I guess, which is this idea of

commitment and resolve. He'll say like for instance, we had something we wanted to do and he was like, "Okay, well, what are you going to do if you don't hit that goal?"

that goal?" >> That's, it., And, I, said,, "I, don't, know.

What do you want me to do? What what's

on the table?" We put in cash and put it. And he was like "That's not big

it. And he was like "That's not big enough." And he's like "It not only has

enough." And he's like "It not only has to be cash, which would bother you, but something that would bother you so much that you're not going to execute."

That's right. And so he's like "So if you don't execute on this, I'm going to put we're going to write a check. And on

the check, you're going to put $10,000 and you're going to say >> Democratic, Socialist, Party, of, America, [laughter] and if if you don't do this, I'm sending the check with your name on it, and you're, going to, be, on, the, donor, list."

And I was like, "Oh, no. Now I'm really in it and [laughter] I have to commit to this." And so now I have a framework.

this." And so now I have a framework.

But it it's, you know, what's fascinating about you is these little small things in life aren't so small.

They accumulate to everything in life.

It's this compounding effect.

>> Decision-m, I, think, is, one, of, the, top five skills in life.

>> What, are, the, other, four?

>> I, wouldn't, lock, them, in., I'd, say managing your state is one of the most important. I think how to build

important. I think how to build relationships, is, certainly, one, of the most important. Your capacity to create

most important. Your capacity to create a vision for your life is extremely important. moving from being a manager

important. moving from being a manager to a creator is extremely important.

Most people are managing their lives.

They're they're making a living. They're

not designing their life or um you know even in business, part of what helps you grow in business is when you stop becoming a manager. Managers always want to know techniques. And by the way, I have plenty of techniques I've learned over the years, but I'm much more

interested at this stage in my life and what is behind the technique that makes somebody follow through >> right?, Techniques, are, cute, and, they

>> right?, Techniques, are, cute, and, they might work, but then eventually the technique becomes your new toy that will become your new limitation, right? So, I

think it's important to look for what's behind it all. If you shift what's behind it all, you shift everything right? That's my focus.

right? That's my focus.

>> Do, you, ever, not, keep, promises, to yourself? Now

yourself? Now >> it's, a, great, question., Yes,, there's, one that I've not kept to myself [laughter] to be honest. It's the only one I can think of. I don't know that I promised myself honestly. That's the

truth. And that is, you know, I'd slow my schedule down.

>> You're, not, keeping, that., I, know, that, for a fact.

>> No,, you, can, tell, by, [laughter], my, voice.

Um, no, I've not kept that that promise.

But honestly, it's like, you know, like I get a phone call last night from a dear friend of mine and he's got a friend that's suicidal in the middle of the night and it's like, you know, I get these calls every day. Somebody's got

you know, cancer, somebody's got whatever. and and I have such a database

whatever. and and I have such a database of businesses and relationships, you know, in the health area and the relationship area and the business area and the finance area and the emotional well-being area that I find myself

called. And so then I end up being up

called. And so then I end up being up for two and a half hours to help this stranger um not do those things. And so

but what my wife and I are going to have a meeting this next week and I'm going to have to take take it from decide to commit to resolve because I think I decided, but I didn't really commit and resolve because I'm so called.

>> Yeah.

>> That's that's, the, thing,, too., It's, like people have different ways of motivating themselves. I've never been a motivator.

themselves. I've never been a motivator.

I don't even like the term.

>> Motivation, is, a, good, thing., It's, like, a warm bath or shower. You should probably have one every day, but it's not enough right? You need strategy. You need

right? You need strategy. You need

followthrough. But what I'm really interested in is like what's deeper than that? What's the inner drive in that?

that? What's the inner drive in that?

And when I look around at what's happening in people's lives, I say "What?" You can think of it as this way.

"What?" You can think of it as this way.

You can think of there's like let's say pull motivation >> and, push, motivation., Push, is, what, most people use. I'm going to push myself

people use. I'm going to push myself through and I'm going to make this happen. Well, that takes enormous, you

happen. Well, that takes enormous, you know, I would say, you know, inner strength and you clearly have that. I

clearly have that. Um, inner drive. But

everybody's only got so much of that right? What's unlimited is pull

right? What's unlimited is pull motivation, pull drive. That's something

that is something you care about more than yourself. So much more than

than yourself. So much more than yourself that it's not effortful. It

gives you an energy that's also almost feels superhuman to other people. Um

and it's because you're, you know, this is what you're made for. And when you find that, you know, it's been said before, you know, the two most important days of your life are the day that you're born and the day you discover what you're born for, right?

>> I, know, what, I'm, born, for., And, so changing that in my life and saying "I'm not going to do that. I I have to find somewhere in between the two. I

have to find what I am willing to commit to in that process." Well, that's interesting. My first response in my

interesting. My first response in my head was, "No, of course, I keep my word to myself through everything." And the probably still is true because my word to myself is I will always show up when it matters most for people.

>> Wow., Yeah., You, almost, have, like, a, higher priority than you even realized above the sub priority.

>> Well,, it's,, you, know,, it's, so, timely because you're having an event in January and I really wanted to go to I was going to go to your last event and >> we're, in, the, mixture, mix, of, all, this fertility stuff and so >> Oh,, I, understand., It's, one, of, the, first

times where um I haven't been able to keep my word as often as I'm used to to other people and it's out of my control for the first time.

>> I, understand.

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>> I, love, the, idea, of, this, event, because, you know, new year, new year. There are

all these things around this uh time of year. Yes.

year. Yes.

>> But, uh, we, don't, actually, keep, our promises to ourselves for the most part.

And one of the ways that I in the beginning maybe thought of you was like "Oh, it's it's posit positive thinking.

We have to positive [laughter] think."

And that is actually the opposite.

>> No,, I, I, don't, even, believe, in, I, I believe I don't believe in negative thinking. It doesn't help you. Um I

thinking. It doesn't help you. Um I

believe you need to find what's true.

>> And, I, don't, believe, you, should, go, to your garden and there's weeds there. So

you chant there's no weeds, there's no weeds, there's no weeds. You know, it's like no, reach down and grab the weeds right? You got to see what's real. You

right? You got to see what's real. You

got to see it as is, but also not see it worse than it is. Most people see it worse than it is because they're afraid of failing. So then they don't try

of failing. So then they don't try >> right?, And, then, you, got, to, see, it, better

>> right?, And, then, you, got, to, see, it, better than it is because without a vision people perish, right? You have to have a vision. And then you got to make it that

vision. And then you got to make it that way. And that's where the strategy comes

way. And that's where the strategy comes in, right? So that's how I look at it.

in, right? So that's how I look at it.

But no, I'm not I've never been into positive thinking per se. When they did the the secret, they came to me to be part of secret. I said, I will not participate in a million years. This is

They, said,, "You're, saying, the law of attraction is bullshit." I said "No, law of attraction is real. It's one

of dozens dozens of laws. And you're

saying that's the whole game.

>> And, I, remember, this, guy, was, saying, "Yeah, but I was coming here to talk with you about this." And he said, "And I was running late and I thought green green, green, and I got all green lights." I said, "What's going to happen

lights." I said, "What's going to happen when you're coming to see me and you get all, red, lights?, You're, going to, say you're thinking about it? Are you

telling me some person who was in Alcatraz was there or not Alcatraz, but in in Germany, you know, in a concentration camp that they were just a negative thinker?" Sometimes not getting

negative thinker?" Sometimes not getting what you want is what the universe or God wants for you. So you develop lessons skills muscles >> strengths,, caring, that, you, wouldn't, have had without it.

>> So, it's, not, just, that., There's, things like capabilities. There's like skill

like capabilities. There's like skill sets. There's you can't do that. So I

sets. There's you can't do that. So I

know I I was revolted against that and I watched it go like this and of course crash because everybody wants the oversimplistic view of life. But that

won't get you results because thinking positive is not going to do it. Thinking

negative will certainly hurt your life >> but, that's, not, the, full, full, gig.

>> No., No, matter, how, bad, I, want, it,, if, I, go try to one-on-one you on that basketball court, I don't think I'm winning. You

got like just a tiny few inches more than I do. But it's important because these days I live in Austin, Texas, and there is so much, you know, if you think it, you will get it. And if you rub this crystal, I brought a crystal. I like a

crystal, but I still don't think it's going to fix everything for me.

>> No., No., I, mean,, listen,, I, think, all, the I think thoughts are real and whatever you think about consistently tend to manifest in your life. But there are other things beyond just that one force of what you want. And to think otherwise

is think you're the center of the universe, which is absurd to me. Right?

If that was true, why wouldn't we just get whatever we want immediately? Well

because you'd be spoiled rotten. You

wouldn't care about anything or anyone.

>> I, mean,, think, about, it., When, you, were born, what'd you have to do to be loved?

>> Nothing.

>> Nothing., scream,, yell,, go, to, the bathroom in your pants, throw up all over your mom or your dad, you're still loved, right? But there was a day when

loved, right? But there was a day when that stopped.

>> And, that's, the, day, that, fear, entered your body. That's the day you try to

your body. That's the day you try to figure out what to do. So you would because you know to survive, you need love. Love is where someone puts their

love. Love is where someone puts their needs aside for yours, right? And as

humans, we're like different than other animals. Some animals there's egg, you

animals. Some animals there's egg, you crack, and you never see your mother and father, but you have some competitive advantage. You have horns, you have

advantage. You have horns, you have teeth, you have camouflage, right? Our

competitive advantage is love.

>> And, so, our, capacity, to, feel, that, caring allows us to connect, allows us to work with the other, allow us to expand beyond what other people can possibly do. And so I look at it and say, okay

do. And so I look at it and say, okay if this is our capacity, why is it that we have this unconditional love in the beginning and then everybody pursues it for, the, rest, of their, life, and, rarely feels it?

>> Because, if, you're, unconditional, love forever, you'd never grow.

>> You, never, bring, anything, to, the, world.

It would all be about me, me, me. Just

like ridiculous. So you have to grow up and realize life's not about you. It's

about we and the more you contribute the better. And business is a spiritual

better. And business is a spiritual game. This perfect example the every

game. This perfect example the every religion on earth has some version of love thy neighbor like thyself.

Different versions of it but a version of that principle within it right karma whatever you want to call it. When you

fall in love with your client not just fall in love with your customer your I should say your product or service that's going to change. fall in love with your client and you're trying to do everything you can to meet their needs and you turn them into a raving fan and you love on them and you think

constantly about meeting their needs like a mom does their kid or like a best friend does for somebody they really care about, you're going to grow in business. You're going to grow anything

business. You're going to grow anything that you do. But we're not meant to just have unconditional love because then we wouldn't grow >> right?, We, need, to, grow., We, need, to

>> right?, We, need, to, grow., We, need, to expand. And so otherwise all these

expand. And so otherwise all these stupid thoughts like, "Oh, I'm just going to think and it's going to happen and be there." Plus, if you went to Vegas, what's the worst thing to happen if you go to Vegas?

>> [laughter] >> Well,, in, this, maybe, lose, all, your, money.

>> No,, the, worst, thing, that, happen, is, win.

>> Oh,, interesting., Of, course.

>> Yes., Steve, Win, is, good., Steve, Win, is, a good friend of mine. He built most of Las Vegas. I was with him one day and

Las Vegas. I was with him one day and this guy won a $10 million jackpot. And

Steve is a very tight guy on finance right? Very tight guy. Like he he knows

right? Very tight guy. Like he he knows what every, you know, one of his retailers is doing. And he wants the maximum dollar for each one. And

>> Louis Movie, Ton, wasn't, paying, him enough. He'd get very upset. I'm like

enough. He'd get very upset. I'm like

"You're doing quite fine, right?" He

goes, "No, I want." But when a person won, I saw none of that. And so I finally said, "Steve, usually you're pretty uptight about something like goes, "No, Tony. Don't you know? You see

all the people around him? See all the pictures? That guy will come back for

pictures? That guy will come back for the, rest, of his, life,, but, so, all, these other people." He goes, "The odds are my

other people." He goes, "The odds are my odds." He goes, "That makes me money.

odds." He goes, "That makes me money.

I'm in it for the long game. That's how

it works here." But if you went to Vegas and let's say you pulled one of one of those Warren Bandits and you got the jackpot, what was your response going to be?

>> Sweet.

>> Awesome., Yeah., Second, time, >> probably, less, excited,, but, still excited.

>> 100, times, every, time, you, get, the, same victory. Now it's called a job.

victory. Now it's called a job.

>> That's, fascinating.

>> So,, we, need, jackpots, in, our, life, to, make us feel alive. If you got everything you wanted every moment, you'd be bored out of your mind.

>> It's, such, a, good, point., What's

interesting about you is, you know, I think a lot of people struggle with people pleasing, right? And, you know maybe they try to do things that other

people think will make them likable.

you seem to do the opposite. Like you

are so comfortable pushing buttons saying hard truths and at least what I've seen publicly kind of pushing people out of their comfort zone. And I know

comfort zone. And I know >> I, don't, do, that, till, they, first, know, how much I care. I earn that right and they see that. I don't just come in like a

see that. I don't just come in like a jerk and go this this this cuz I really do off that way. But but it I think that's scary for people even though I do believe a lot of times that's what we

need. We need like uh Chris, my husband

need. We need like uh Chris, my husband calls it a a benevolent bully, you know somebody to push you like you need it.

>> Have, you, always, been, like, that, or, how did you learn to push people the way they needed to?

>> No,, I, was, a, I, was, more, of, a, pleaser, uh growing up. Um you know, everyone has a

growing up. Um you know, everyone has a dominant force in their life. My mom was the dominant force >> and, she, was, a, I, had, four, different fathers, so she was the dominant force as you might guess. She was quite a force of nature. Got rid of them one

after another. And um and I learned to

after another. And um and I learned to please her or I was you know was quite physical with her and I was 5'1 in high school and then even when I grew 10 inches in a year I learned to bend my hair down so she can grab my hair and

smack me against the wall. She was a beautiful woman. I want to give you the

beautiful woman. I want to give you the wrong impression. She was as loving as

wrong impression. She was as loving as you could be but she abused you know alcohol and prescription drugs. And when

you put those two together you become a different personality. So I had to work

different personality. So I had to work out in my head how do you deal with someone who whose love you crave the most who's trying to harm you but you know loves you you know and so rather than go through the whole victim

I, just, there's, not, any, part, of me that's ever been a victim. It's like

okay she's wired with pain and I got to figure out how to basically I became a practical psychologist because of her. I

had to figure out how to manage her states her emotions so I could protect my younger brothers 5 years younger the younger sister seven years younger and I got really good at it as I had to be.

Um, but then also with women in my life in relationship in the beginning it was all pleasing all the time which is a woman I'm sure you know it's probably why you married a Navy Seal. Having a

pleaser doesn't please a woman. Men are

confused by that. They're like she wants me to please him. Yes, she wants to be pleased but she doesn't want you to be a pleaser. What the hell does that mean?

pleaser. What the hell does that mean?

Right? So I learned that lesson. But

even during that time when I stood up to serve someone, I'm there to serve someone. So if I will at the end of an

someone. So if I will at the end of an intervention, well you saw I'm not your guru. There was a moment there where I

guru. There was a moment there where I was working with a young woman who was part of this cult where they raped children and said it was for God and um you know she was in such a horrible place and so I did this work and it's

like I feel like God comes through me in those moments. I'm not trying to be

those moments. I'm not trying to be overly dramatic but as you say it looks like magic and it's different every time. Um and so afterwards I this group

time. Um and so afterwards I this group pushed on the wall pushed on the door and I was like after those things are done very often I can't show any emotion then because I'm there with them. If I

fully feel what they're feeling, I can't help them. But I am feeling it inside. I

help them. But I am feeling it inside. I

like put it in a box.

>> And, then, I, go, to, the, back, room, there, and then I just start balling for this what this woman been through. Seems thinking

now it makes me emotional thinking about it. And the guys that were doing the the

it. And the guys that were doing the the the show said, "No, we had to have direct access." And they open the doors

direct access." And they open the doors and you see me there crying. And um but it's because you know this is what I'm made for. It's like I I hate suffering.

made for. It's like I I hate suffering.

He'd see anyone's suffering. So I am unbelievably committed to end suffering any way I can. But I also know my own suffering will not help that person who's suffering. So I need a call to a

who's suffering. So I need a call to a higher part of them.

>> And, I, can, do, it, in, multiple, ways., I, can do it with humor. I can do it with intensity. I can do it with fun. I can

intensity. I can do it with fun. I can

do it being weird. But I will find the way to get them there. And it's

different every time. And that's my art you know. That's where you can call it

you know. That's where you can call it the universe. I call it God comes

the universe. I call it God comes through you because you're trying to serve something more than yourself. You

get different insights. If you're just trying to serve yourself, you get a certain level of insight. If you've got a family you care about, you're trying to serve your family, you get a different level of insight. You know

trying to serve, you know, a community you know, the world. I don't mean virtue signaling I mean like, you know, it's in your heart. The level of insights that are given to me that I can't possibly know about a person while

they're standing there. Like people

think there's there's a script backstage or someone people come up, even the guys who are filming, so they went to do you have a like an earpiece or something?

And I was like, what are you talking about? They came and literally checked

about? They came and literally checked to, see, if, I, had any, piece., How, could, you know that about her? And I was like, I just knew, you know, I just knew immediately. So, um, the emotion I go

immediately. So, um, the emotion I go through is enormous. It's not like I'm just cold and this is how it is. And

usually by the end of it, the person feels very loved and very taken care of.

They have the breakthrough that they're looking for. But, you know, I had this

looking for. But, you know, I had this conversation with Oprah one day. Women

are so um abused by our society. When I

say abused, I don't want to be just be derogatory, but you know, women are put in this image of who they're supposed to look like, be like, act like >> and, women, to, me, are, unbelievable., You're

you're about to be a mom. There's

another part of you that'll come alive when you're a mom. It's it's

unbelievable women do. Cather kids don't know it and don't understand. It is

mindboggling to me. But to be a mom and a business person and to be a lover and to be a husband or wife and all those things at one time, it takes just unbelievable energy, strength, and so

forth. And when I see what happens with

forth. And when I see what happens with women generalizing about themselves like I'm just a homemaker or something makes, me, crazy., But, [clears throat], the one thing women have if a woman isn't

super attractive is they have support.

Men don't have that.

>> Men, don't, go, share, their, feelings., We

don't go talk about our relationships right? I remember we were having a

right? I remember we were having a program in Mexico and this woman was saying, "You were with your friend and you know, you know he got divorced and you don't know if he's dating. You

don't." He says, "We played golf." And

she goes, "And it didn't come up." He

goes, "How would it come up?" You know and she was just like stunned because she thinks how a woman would think versus how a man's brain would think right?

>> And, so, I, say, this, because, I, was, telling Oprah, I said, "One of the beautiful things about the sisterhood. If a

woman's really attractive, sometimes there's backbiting and there's the opposite. There's not the support.

opposite. There's not the support.

There's just tremendous support. Women

share their problems. >> Men, don't, share, their, problems., Men's job is to solve a problem." And then you get with a woman in your life and you want to solve it for them. In a man's world, the more you solve problems, the more you move up the hierarchy of being

a man. In a woman's world, no, you share

a man. In a woman's world, no, you share your problems so you can connect and feel for the person, right? And you want to stay with it and so forth. So what

happens with that is it's actually good for a feeling of support but it does not create breakthroughs because women will support other women in terrible terrible beliefs terrible states terrible they have a terrible relationship and they

talk to two other women who have a terrible relationship about how what they should do with the relationship and know it's all him it's no no it's no matter how thin you slice it there's two sides there's him and there's you right

>> and, so, I, was, doing, an, event, one, time, for 5,000 women in at radio music music music hall for Oprah it was all women I never heard that that high a pitch of sounds in [laughter] my entire life in

one room. And um and she said, "Okay

one room. And um and she said, "Okay why don't you do an intervention like this?" I said "Well, Oprah

this?" I said "Well, Oprah interventions can take 15 minutes, they can take an hour." I go and tell. It can

take two hours. She goes, "We don't have that." I said "I know. And you're doing

that." I said "I know. And you're doing this program live." She goes, "Well, I think you could do it in the timeline."

I said, "Okay, but I said I also have to be willing to do whatever it takes."

>> She, goes,, "Of, course,, of, course.", you

know, and I already had this conversation with her about you can't support women just in their limitations.

If you really care about them, you got to call tr call truth with them. You

still be supportive.

>> And, so, this, woman, stands, up, and, she talks about how she's uh lost her business because of 9/11 and she's not been able to build it because of her husband and her kids and she's 110bs

overweight. It's because they all demand

overweight. It's because they all demand something for her every moment. Now, I'm

a lover of women. Like I think women are no man on this planet got here without a woman. I mean through women who risked

woman. I mean through women who risked their life for you to be here. That's my

core belief about women. I hold women like this. But this is right?

like this. But this is right?

I got plenty of friends that had in the building 911 their business didn't go under. So it's not 9/11 that did it

under. So it's not 9/11 that did it right? And your husband didn't make you

right? And your husband didn't make you 110, nor did your children. And and so everything she's saying is a lie. And

the women around are like, "Oh, I'm surrounded by 5,000 women." I go [snorts] "F it. I I can't do this. I

cannot do this." I said, "Now, what you just told me is total absolute bullshit."

bullshit." And, the, whole, room, went like,, it, was like shock. And then there's sounds and

like shock. And then there's sounds and I'm like, "I'm not being mean, but if you want transformation, if you want to change your life, you cannot do it by blaming everybody else for what you've

done. 911 is a horrific thing. I'm sure

done. 911 is a horrific thing. I'm sure

it massively interrupted your business."

But there she she wasn't even in the building. She wasn't even close to the

building. She wasn't even close to the building. I said, "This is not why your

building. I said, "This is not why your business went under. You're making

excuses." And I'm saying this because I care. Excuses will only hurt you. And

care. Excuses will only hurt you. And

right now, you don't have a relationship with your husband. Clearly, by the way you're talking about, you don't have a relationship with your kids. And that's

another reason why you're probably 110 lbs overweight. You're bearing your

lbs overweight. You're bearing your emotion with food >> right?, And, then, all, of a, sudden,, there

>> right?, And, then, all, of a, sudden,, there started to be some sounds. And then and then Oprah says, and she's behind me about, you know, like 50 yards. It's a

giant building, right? She goes, "But Tony, but Tony, but to be fair," and I snap back and I looked at her like this.

[laughter] I'll never forget because I was in state. when I'm in state, you know, you you don't break my state right? And she goes, "Oh, I'm I'm

right? And she goes, "Oh, I'm I'm [laughter] doing that thing, aren't I?"

And I said, "Yes, you're doing that thing, right?" So, I they had it go to a

thing, right?" So, I they had it go to a break and I just kept working with her.

By the time I was done, we brought her back and got in a great place. And a

year later, she was on Dr. Oz. She lost

115 lbs. She had a relationship back.

She'd restarted a new business, right?

So, sometimes you got to do what's uncomfortable. And so, yes, I'm willing

uncomfortable. And so, yes, I'm willing to do that to have someone's life change cuz otherwise you're just you're just making yourself feel good. I can make myself feel good and her feel good and go, "Gosh, that's so horrible. I

understand." And all those things, but f that. If you stood up, my belief is if

that. If you stood up, my belief is if you stand up in my room, something's caused you to stand up. Some part of you wants transformation or you wouldn't be in my presence. And it's going to happen.

>> God,, so, true., I, think, that's, one, of the saddest things about what happened with sort of the pcessiness of society today is that so many people feel like they can't say the thing that might actually help >> because, it, might, hurt, somebody's

feelings.

>> Where, do, we, get, up, this, thing, that you're not supposed to offend anybody?

>> Here's, a, question, for, you.

>> Can, people, be, offended, by, anything, if they want to be?

>> Yes,, but, I, don't, think, that, should change what I do because of it.

>> No,, but, I'm, just, saying, but, so, anyone you can who said where do we come with this new magical rule? You're not

supposed to offend anybody. If you're

not, going to, offend, anybody,, you're, not going to have any impact. You know, I think it was was it Emerson who said you know, be nothing, do nothing, say nothing, and create nothing. That's how

you can be sure you're never attacked right? You know, I'm I'm not willing to

right? You know, I'm I'm not willing to do that. I'm here on I've got a purpose.

do that. I'm here on I've got a purpose.

And of course, some people are not going to understand it. People in my seminars do. It's why they're still there 12

do. It's why they're still there 12 hours later, you know, when they wouldn't sit for a 3-hour movie. They're

they won't get up to go to the bathroom because they're watching real life as it's happening. It's more dramatic than

it's happening. It's more dramatic than anything you could write in a script because it's real. Cuz like even today reality television is It's made up, right? People know it's fake.

You feel when something's real. And when

something's real, you can relate to it.

And it calls to some part of you to be more real. And when we're vulnerable and

more real. And when we're vulnerable and we're real, we can change anything. But

we try to soften it, you know, like use all the language. Yeah, pretty good.

It's okay. All that kind of stuff. Those

softeners keep you from getting to the place where you could actually have a transformation.

>> It's, so, true., Yeah., I, got, in, trouble, on the internet a few weeks ago because I said I don't think you should cry in business meetings just because you can't express yourself fully. Like I just I I think if you need to self-regulate, like

you could step out, whatever, but I don't think that you should have a belief that it will help you and it is totally fine if you cry in business meetings. That is just not our society.

meetings. That is just not our society.

>> There's, no, crying, in, baseball.

>> Yeah,, there's, just, not., And, it's happened to me a few times and whatever.

I if you cry, I'm not going to do you. I

don't, think, it's, going to, help, your career. But

career. But >> you, didn't, tell, them, I, couldn't, cry, right? You just did that. I don't think

right? You just did that. I don't think it'll help you.

>> Exactly.

>> Yeah., Yeah.

>> And, so, you, had, a, tag, for, that., Of

course.

>> Of, course., Okay., I, want, to, play, like, a couple little games. Um, one is [snorts] I hear uh that you like this pattern

interrupt exercise and this gives me anxiety to even ask you these questions.

But like the idea is we give you a series of negative patterns and then you say how you would break free from them.

And what I find fascinating about you is like you kind of just in the moment >> already, adapted, to, the, person, >> right?, You, know,, it, has, to, be, like, I

>> right?, You, know,, it, has, to, be, like, I need to know what's going on, but I'll give you some general things if you want but a pattern. It what would be a pattern

a pattern. It what would be a pattern rep for you versus me versus another person is different based on your model of the world, right?

>> Interesting.

>> So,, it's, like,, you, know, what?, Based, on what you believe and I figure that out very quickly when I'm doing an intervention with someone and so I'll figure out what it is. If I know, for example, you value significance the

most, then I might show you how by doing whatever it's costing you the significance and I'll have leverage there. If you're driven by love, then I

there. If you're driven by love, then I will use love as the metaphor. If you're

driven by certainty, then I'll show you how it'll take away your certainty if you keep doing this, right? So, I'm

looking for leverage. It's not just breaking a pattern. That's like a stupid technique, you know, that won't last.

>> It, has, to, be, tied, to, something, there's an inner drive about. So, we all have six needs, human needs. Certainty

everybody has it. It's a survival need because certainly you can be comfortable because if you're not comfortable, if you're in pain regularly, regular pain means damage. Regular damage equals

means damage. Regular damage equals death. So it's the base need for human

death. So it's the base need for human beings. But if you're certain all the

beings. But if you're certain all the time, you're bored silly. So you need uncertainty, right? You need variety.

uncertainty, right? You need variety.

You need surprise.

>> We, need, significance., Our, culture, way overvalues significance today because of social media. Like people

social media. Like people >> you, know,, put, on, filters, and, pretend they're different than they are. One of

my buddies has his own uh gym and he told me this the other day. I couldn't

even believe it. He said on a daily basis, daily basis, women and sometimes men come in who are, you know influencers because he's got a great gym., They, lay out, all, the, equipment,

gym., They, lay out, all, the, equipment, they take all these pictures and they leave. They don't work out a single

leave. They don't work out a single ounce. When you're 27 to 32, you have to

ounce. When you're 27 to 32, you have to be an idiot to not be fit, right? I

mean, it's like decent genetics and you can be fit, right? So, but they're making money off of it. They don't do anything. [laughter]

anything. [laughter] >> It's, just, about, looking, good,, right?, And

then using their looking good to try to make money. So I mean that's going to

make money. So I mean that's going to wear off for them unfortunately at some stage in their life, right? So it's like the significance is over. The need for connection and love is the deepest need that people have. But most people want

certain love and so they try to control the love and kills it >> or, they, want, significant, love, like, it's got to be the most significant thing and then they get they start to promote who they are more than they are because they

think that's what's necessary and they're not truthful. Right?

>> And, then, we, need, to, grow., We, need, to contribute. Those are the spiritual

contribute. Those are the spiritual needs. If you don't grow, it doesn't

needs. If you don't grow, it doesn't your relationship's not growing. If your

business is not growing, it's dying.

There's there's that's the law of life.

Everything grows or dies. But also, when you grow, then you have something to give. What makes people have a

give. What makes people have a meaningful life is to feel like there's something beyond yourself. Cuz meeting

your own basic needs, any idiot can do.

You can lie to yourself and do that. You

know, you can work just 12-hour days and do that. You can There's a million ways

do that. You can There's a million ways you can meet those basic needs of certainty and uncertainty and significance, and, connection, at least, not so much love. But I when I look at people, I try to see what's driving them

and then I know better which pattern will work. But go ahead and give me your

will work. But go ahead and give me your list and I'll just give you some simplistic responses.

>> Can, you, tell, right, away, after, meeting somebody what their one of the six is?

>> Six, knees., I, looked, to, see, what, are their top two >> and, what, if, you, know, nothing, about, them?

>> I, ask, questions, along, the, way., Very

>> You, ask, a, lot, of, questions, all, the, time.

>> One, person, counted., One, time, I, had, a woman was suicidal and a guy in the back who was a trainer was writing down. I

asked 167 questions before I made one statement.

>> Whoa., Fascinating., So,, you, ask, questions to figure it out. What about You have a lot of businesses now. And can you tell immediately if somebody is somebody you should partner with or not?

>> No,, I, can't, tell, immediately., I, can, get seduced because people put on their best behavior. They're going on a date

behavior. They're going on a date right?

>> So,, I, I, look, at, it, this, way., If, I'm going to evaluate somebody, I have three questions. Same way what you would have

questions. Same way what you would have in your business or on a date. Can they

do the job? Mhm.

>> If, I'm, interviewing, him, in, one, of, my companies, by the time it gets to me, of course they can do the job or I wouldn't be interviewing them, right? Or if you were dating, can they do the job? If

you've been dating them 6 months, yeah they can do it. The more important question is, can they do that job well long term >> right?, Will, they, keep, doing, a, great, job?

>> right?, Will, they, keep, doing, a, great, job?

Because everybody does a great job in the beginning, right?

>> And, what, determines, that, is,, are, their goals in alignment with the job >> right?, So, I, used, to, I, remember, years, ago

>> right?, So, I, used, to, I, remember, years, ago we had a woman that worked for us for 5 years as our personal assistant and we were traveling the world and we're pretty 24/7 and you become part of our family, right? And we love her and still

family, right? And we love her and still do. She's still a close member of our

do. She's still a close member of our family, but she fell in love with another of our employees and had a child and so she needed to stay put. So we had to replace her and so we went to the LA because we were living in California at

the time, Southern California, went to the LA Personal Assistance Association.

We went through five hires in five months and none of them were even close to good and they all sounded so good to start with. And then one day I realized

start with. And then one day I realized you know, we're fishing in the sewer.

Who comes to LA to become a personal assistant? They don't come to become a

assistant? They don't come to become a personal assistant so they can help people, change the world, help a family.

They come because I discovered they wanted my clientele. They want to talk to Quincy Jones in those days or Anthony Hopkins or Slice the Lone or, you know whoever it was that I was dealing with at the time. and they would treat them

like gold and treat all my other clients and friends like they were dirt, right?

Including my wife, which so I get rid of them. So I realized, you know, you've

them. So I realized, you know, you've got to decide where are you going to find somebody who's more aligned with the job in their nature and in their goals or I have a friend that I bumped into in Fiji one time. I have a resort

in Fiji and my wife and I, we were flying commercial in most days still and we, you know, you go through immigration, there's about five lines.

My I said, "Honey, you want to go on this line here? It looks like it's fast." She goes, "No, this line's

fast." She goes, "No, this line's faster." I said, "Look at her. This

faster." I said, "Look at her. This

one's actually fast." She goes, "I think this one's faster." I said "Fine. You

go in that line. I'll go in this line."

And we play these silly games. We're

going to race. So, we're going back and forth. I'm ahead, then she's ahead, you

forth. I'm ahead, then she's ahead, you know, back and forth. We're being silly.

And this man hears my voice. Cuz I said something to my wife. And he goes "Tony." And I turn around and look. And

"Tony." And I turn around and look. And

it's this guy. I hadn't seen him in about nine years. Brilliant businessman.

And I said "What are you doing here?"

He goes, "What are you doing here?" I

said "Well, I'm here with my wife. You

know, I have a resort here. I'm here to take a few weeks off." And he said, "You resort here?" I said, "Yeah." I said

resort here?" I said, "Yeah." I said "Where you going?" He told me. I said

"Oh, too bad. We're the number one resort." I teased [laughter] him. I

resort." I teased [laughter] him. I

said "But what are you here for?" He

goes, "I just got married." I said "Again, it was his third marriage." He

goes, "Yeah." And I said, "Well, where's your bride?" She was standing next to

your bride?" She was standing next to Sage. And they were doing the same thing

Sage. And they were doing the same thing we were doing. So, you know, you're in the line. I said "So, how long have you

the line. I said "So, how long have you known her?" I I'm talking to you what

known her?" I I'm talking to you what seven, eight years. He goes, "Yeah probably just a little bit of last time I saw her. Probably seven years." So

you know her seven years. You're just

now getting married. I said, "How come?"

He goes, "She wormed me down." And I thought, so then quickly I'm trying to change the conversation in my head. I'm like, well are you going to have kids? He goes

Tony, you know, I've had two fans before this. I went through all of that. I lost

this. I went through all of that. I lost

all my money twice. We are not. I said

well, I looked across and this woman's like 29 years old and he's 48. I said

"Have you had a discussion about this?"

He goes, "Yes, that was my deal. If we

get married, no kids."

So I'm thinking, "Oh my god, he's in for a rough ride." So, we get to the front.

We introduce each other's spouses and they go off and I look at my wife and she looks at me and I go, "They're in trouble." She goes, "Oh, you have no

trouble." She goes, "Oh, you have no idea." I said, "I think I did. What'd

idea." I said, "I think I did. What'd

you learn? What'd you learn?" She told him, "Yeah, he thinks we're not going to have a kids have within two years." And

they did and he got divorced for a third time. The problem is they didn't have

time. The problem is they didn't have their goals aligned. You don't have to have all your goals aligned, but on major issues like a child or not, it's got to be aligned or you're not going to sustain that relationship. So whether

it's a business or whether I use business because it's easier to modulate in your head, right?

>> Or, a, relationship,, it's, the, critical element there. And then the last part is

element there. And then the last part is is the right team fit in a business. You

can relate to this, I'm sure, cuz all those businesses you run >> you, know,, you, can, have, somebody's, a superstar, but they're the wrong team fit.

>> Oh, yeah.

>> They, rub, against, everybody, else., They

piss everybody else off. And maybe

they're like your top salesperson or your top marketing person, your top whatever. And you don't want to get rid

whatever. And you don't want to get rid of them because, man, they bring in a lot of revenue.

But unless you do, they'll destroy your business. They've always said, you know

business. They've always said, you know it's not the person you you fail to hire, it's the person you fail to fire that destroys your business. And so, I'm a big believer in testing. Now, one of the things I do with partnerships today just as a little clue, I shared this

Patrick, David, the, other day,, and, I didn't realize how important he thought it was. And I was like, I guess it

it was. And I was like, I guess it really is. He said, cuz I've been

really is. He said, cuz I've been through so many rough ones, I said, I was, too, but what I do is a full background check on everyone now.

>> Yeah.

>> And, it, saves, me, enormous, amount., And, I tell him up front, listen, I'm I'm open book. Please do a full background check

book. Please do a full background check everything on me that you want to check.

But I don't go into any partnerships without a full background check. It's

not out of disrespect. It's out of respect so that we know and if there's anything that you want to share with us or anything comes up that you think is inappropriate, you can share it with me.

I'll give you the report and so forth.

Well, the panic you see in some people's eyes then the tightening in some people >> and, then, the, people, like,, "No,, it's totally fine." And then you get the

totally fine." And then you get the report and then they never call you back. I mean and I have saved myself so

back. I mean and I have saved myself so much money, time, and energy by having that one investment in a long-term relationship upfront.

>> So, smart., I, wish, I, would, have, done, that earlier on. Although, I think some of

earlier on. Although, I think some of the biggest partnership mistakes I made were cheap in retrospect. Like, they

were painful, but you're like, I needed to lose that money. I needed to lose that relationship or I would have kept having the same pattern.

>> Yeah., There's, always, a, benefit,, but, as the years go by, you'll probably be less tolerant of having those things happen.

>> True., Well,, it's, heartbreaking,, I, think, [clears throat], because, the partnerships, you know, I remember one in particular. I thought we were

in particular. I thought we were buddies, you know. I was like >> I've, been, there.

>> Yeah., I'm, like,, I, met, your, baby., I

thought we were best buds. And, you

know, there was one instance where they kind of targeted me. I was on the internet and I didn't realize there was this type of human that >> you, know,, I, guess, there, are, predators everywhere. And so, um, then I had to

everywhere. And so, um, then I had to realize where am I short in my analysis of people.

>> Yes.

>> And, how, did, I, sell, myself, on, what, I wanted instead of what was in front of me? Most of my most important skills

me? Most of my most important skills came from some early mistakes with people, one of which I had two partners and I brought them on board and made a deal with them that was ridiculously good for them. But it was based still on

some results and um they absolutely stole $758,000 $250 to $758,000 put me in debt $758,000. My company was doing a million. So not billions, a million

million. So not billions, a million right? So, it was like all the money I

right? So, it was like all the money I knew and I've been on the road 225 days and everybody told me I have to go bankrupt and I I wanted to kill this guy. He fled to Mexico and I realized

guy. He fled to Mexico and I realized well, I'm chasing him in Mexico. My

business is going to go under. So, I

went to Fiji and I was like I was so angry at him but I said no who I'm most angry with is me cuz how did I not see this right? I don't care how good he

this right? I don't care how good he presented. Was it about human behavior I

presented. Was it about human behavior I don't fully understand. And I was second day in Fiji in this sweaty little butt.

And uh and I went to sleep with that thought, just burning thought. I woke up the next morning and I wrote literally for six straight hours in filled up three journals all these distinctions I made. I created my day with destiny

made. I created my day with destiny program cuz I did it to me. That's my

favorite program. It's the only seminar I've been through because I did it for me. Changed everything. Rewired me so

me. Changed everything. Rewired me so that you know sometimes you have values that pull you apart. You know, like you want to please everybody and you want to be as successful as you can. and you

want to be totally honest and you want everybody totally happy, right? And I

learned how to align my values so that I was pulled instead of having to push or being pulled in different directions >> and, was, the, most, first, time, in my, life, I felt calm >> and, uh, my, everybody, around, me, is, like

you're so different. It was like a rewiring for myself. So I agree with you sometimes your biggest mistakes if you learn from them are the most important ones but I don't want to make the same mistakes and so I look for systems to

help with that as well. M you have a program coming up in January that's time to rise summit. I've never been to this one before. Yes.

one before. Yes.

>> Um, I, want, to, hear, about, it., And, I, also want to hear about how you prepare for these shows that you do because I hear you obsessively prepare even to this day

for the shows you put on. Is that true?

>> That's, true., I, just, I, believe, in overloading my brain because I never know what's going to happen like because I don't just do a wrote talk, right? I I

I sometimes I'll prepare everything and then I go out into the audience and I feel different things. I see people. I

see where they are and I have to adjust.

Also, could you imagine this will be my is my my 49th year I'm about to begin.

So, I would be bored out of my brain if I, was, just, doing, the, exact, same thing.

Now, I know there's certain things that work and what to do, but I have to be able to adapt to feel alive and do art.

And art is something that's different every time. It's not the same.

every time. It's not the same.

>> And, it's, also, what, challenges, me., So,, I feed my brain everything I can and then I trust when I step on the stage what it'll be necessary is there. The event

doing a gym.

>> How, do, you, feed, it?, Like, what, does, that look like?

>> Well,, for, example,, my, date, with, Destiny, I have people fill out about a 20page interview report. There's 5,000 of them.

interview report. There's 5,000 of them.

>> And, I, read, them, for, a, week.

>> Not, everybody, does, it,, by, the, way., You

know, some people wait till the last minute. So, I, you know, or don't turn

minute. So, I, you know, or don't turn in at all. It's only your destiny. Don't

worry about it. Right. But what it gives me is the patterns in the room. I may

not remember every name, every story but I remember what the patterns are.

And then when somebody stands up, even it wasn't that person, I know if I can work with this person and help them transform, I could be affecting 50 or 100 people simultaneously, right?

>> That, I, consciously, know, about., That's

how I load my brain. I also brainstorm out different examples or tools. I'm

always coming up with something new in terms of insight or strategy. And then

um but the event you're talking about is a really unique event. I started it because of co because I was used to doing stadiums, right? And in 2020, the governor of California team calls me up.

I know him well. Not a big fan.

>> Nuome, called, you.

>> Yeah., Well,, Newsome, had, his, team, call, me and then he wrote me directly. He's

upset about me telling the world that he canceled the event, which he did, right?

He said, "You're not making me look good." He said, [laughter] I'm like

good." He said, [laughter] I'm like >> you, go,, "That's, you., You're, a, nice, man.

I like you personally, but I don't agree with your policies." Right? This is

ridiculous. So, we had an event there for 14,000 people and two weeks before he sends out the message to me from his team and says, "You only put 100 people in the stadium. Our new rules." I said

I wrote I said to his people, I said "This is absurd. You know, we can't put 100 people in a stadium. What are we going to, do, with, the, other,, you, know, 13,000, you know, you 900 people?" And

so, I said "Screw them. I'm going to move this thing to Vegas. They'll never

shut down Vegas." Right? So, two weeks before we moved 14,000 people to Vegas and they shut down Vegas, right? So

then I'm like, "Oh my god." I mean, I I need to help these people here. The time

they need us most is during this time cuz everybody's depressed and upset and not know what's going to happen. So, I

said, "Okay, let's move it to Texas."

Texas is its own country. Met the

governor there. I don't know him personally really well, but I've met him. He says he's not going to shut

him. He says he's not going to shut down. 7 days before they shut down

down. 7 days before they shut down Vegas. We rented a big church, 14,000

Vegas. We rented a big church, 14,000 people. So then I was like I I'm just

people. So then I was like I I'm just relentless. I'm like, "Okay, we'll they

relentless. I'm like, "Okay, we'll they allow you to put 10 people in a movie theater." And I said, "Okay, we'll do

theater." And I said, "Okay, we'll do 1,400 movie theaters local for people.

They don't have to travel. We'll have

big screens. We'll have big sound. At

least, you know, 10 people interacting with each other." Then they shut down the movie theaters. [laughter]

So I was like, "Okay, we're going to build a studio." And my my CFO was like "You're, going to, build, a, studio?", like

we lost $100 million in six months cuz I didn't want to fire anybody cuz every you know he kept saying we're 10 10 more days, to, stop, the, the the, whatever, the language was these those days and I was

like so I said we can't wait so I bought a building cuz I couldn't build it fast enough 50ft high ceilings I built 22 foot high LED screens made them 50 ft

around me and got 67 resolution highest resolution in the world I could see more in your face than I can even see now because you're this much bigger right and then I called Eric Yon the founder of Zoom and said 1,200 people is not

going to work. I need 25,000 people and he's a fan of mine. So he changed the tech so we could do it. And then I hired all these people. I all said we can't do this in 9 weeks. I said well then you're not working here. And I just kept going

through people. We literally the night

through people. We literally the night before were putting it all together. And

we got up we did this event and we had people from all over the earth that participated and I had 193 countries there and we had over 25,000 people.

Normally we'd have 15,000. So it was even more people because they could do it from different places in the world they wanted to. So then I was like "Okay, I want to I want to reach everybody. Let's let's do an event for

everybody. Let's let's do an event for free. Let's do one event for three days.

free. Let's do one event for three days.

Not just an hour thing or two. Let's do

like two and a half hours a day for three days. Enough to give people a real

three days. Enough to give people a real transformation. We'll do it right at the

transformation. We'll do it right at the beginning of the year. It's kind of the comeback challenge." I called it back

comeback challenge." I called it back then. It's now called Time to Rise. And

then. It's now called Time to Rise. And

I the comeback story is the best story of your life. You down, you're down everything's not working. That's what

inspires people. This is the comeback time. And we put it together. We had a

time. And we put it together. We had a million people show up. Million one. And

now I've done it for seven straight years. I think this will be the last

years. I think this will be the last year I'll do it. I'm just my schedule's so full. But I would do one last one.

so full. But I would do one last one.

And we're going to do it for three days.

And people from 193 countries attend every country in the world. And we go for, like I say, two and a half hours.

And we help you not just make a New Year's resolution, which nobody keeps right? Because they don't have a plan

right? Because they don't have a plan they don't have a strategy or anything else. We help you create the

else. We help you create the breakthroughs that are necessary. and

you become part of a really cool community because we have a Facebook community and so in the middle of the night I give people an assignment >> and, they, make, these, videos, and, you, see people transforming from all over the earth every age group every direction

every country every language so I love that aspect of it uh and there's no charge for it literally it's free so if people go to timetorisesummit time tossesummit.com timesummit.com

they can register for it and they can attend it and you can think of it like going to a great two and a half hour movie three days in a row but instead of just being entertained at the end of your life is really transformed and then you know we've done so much value for

people then some people decide they want to do other things with us which is wonderful but there's no requirement in any way shape or form and it's been my way to give back it was desperately needed during co and then we just you know kept the momentum for it for now

>> do, I, get, claps, at, the, event, the, Tony Robbins claps you do don't you [laughter] because it's my favorite part of the event well I can't wait to come to this next one I can't wait to see what this next

>> thing, about, it, you, don't, have, to, come, to it digital. So you can do it from my

it digital. So you can do it from my couch. Yeah, you can do it from your

couch. Yeah, you can do it from your couch. You can do it from your office.

couch. You can do it from your office.

And we start here at 10 in the morning.

It's midnight in in uh what do you call it in Sydney, Australia, for example.

>> And, they, go, each, day, all, the, way, through it as well till 3:00 or 4 in the morning. So you'll be joined by people

morning. So you'll be joined by people all over the earth and you'll have a cool community of people that all have something in common. They want more.

They're not willing to settle. Yeah.

>> If, you, want, more, for, your, life,, if, you want it's time to rise and take more out of your life. You don't want to have next year be the same as last year, then you need some tools. You need some inspiration. You need some community and

inspiration. You need some community and you need some days where it's actually going to happen. Like you said, put it on the calendar and make it lock. So

it's it's coming up uh January 29th through the 31st. January 29th through 31st. And if again, if they go to um

31st. And if again, if they go to um time to writeummit.com, get you signed up and lock it in your calendar. And I

encourage people, bring your family bring your friends or your co-workers at the office and do it. It'll be an experience you won't forget.

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