How To Eliminate Self Doubt Forever & The Power of Your Unconscious Mind | Peter Sage | TEDxPatras

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you

why is it that intelligent people

procrastinates why is it that people

that are so self-motivated often

self-sabotage and why is it that no

matter how many new business

opportunities we get or new skills we

try to learn many of us just are simply

finding different ways of earning the

same amount of money or achieving the

same kind of level of success as if

there was kind of a glass ceiling above

our head that we're trying to break

through but didn't know how now one

thing we do know is that's not down the

lack of resources or opportunity we live

in a time in history where there are

more resources and opportunity than ever

before in fact there's many people that

have access to resources an opportunity

that really never get the battle to

shoulder and take a swing at life and

the results are mediocre or

disappointing and then there's other

people those who have access to

virtually no resources or no opportunity

and against all of the odds went out and

created magic for the rest of us to go

WOW and stand in or off people like

Colonel Sanders who retired broke at 65

before starting KFC obviously Oprah

people like Helen Keller or even Albert

Einstein who dropped out of school at 15

and then failed the entrance exam for

the Zurich Polytechnic no you see if you

want to masterclass in taking away the

excuse that resources and opportunity

are the root reason why you are not

successful go study any of the lives of

the people on screen we see as human

beings a nervous system is hardwired for

comfort whereas the essence of what

makes us us some would say our soul is

hardwired for growth and it's managing

that dynamic tension between how good a

comfort zone feels and the innate

calling of our potential that lies

outside of that that causes the

frustration for most people and keeps

them on that hamster wheel of mediocrity

so how do we unravel that well let's

look at the human brain see what

separates us from almost all of the

animal kingdom the crowning achievement

of human biology is the front part of

the brain once known as the neocortex of

the frontal lobe and that neocortex

operates at a brave way a brain wave

length of alpha or beta on one of the

challenges is

that that doesn't get turned on until

we're about seven years old

see kids operate in Belser and theatres

which is why babies sleep so much my

kids live in that magical fantasy world

where they're operating a theater with

no critical thinking now it also means

children are very impressionable and why

Aristotle is widely quoted as saying

that give me the child for seven years

and I'll give you the man but what

happens when we drill down on that why

is that important to why we

procrastinate or self-sabotage well I'll

give you an example let's say his dad's

turn to take little Johnny shopping and

the kids and you know mom's busy that

day and he's kind of frustrated he's got

to go out and get the job done and yeah

one thing you need to know about dad

he's got his own stuff to deal with

right now he's figuring out how to pay

the credit card bill that was higher

this month than he thought

he's worried about whether the boss is

going to be downsizing soon and he's

still reeling from the lack of intimacy

that morning caused by a fight that he

had with his wife he's dealing with the

stuff as we all do now little Johnny

doesn't live in that world and so when

they get to the checkout now as every

good retail psychologist knows they

place the products at the eye height of

the people you're trying to sell to and

so Johnny sees the toys and Johnny wants

the toy he's like daddy daddy can I have

a toy and daddy comes out of his you

know mine frog and says no you can't

have a toy for starting doesn't think

you can afford it but that's now it's

just not the time but as parents will

understand children are prime examples

of the ability to be persistent

are they not so little joyousness daddy

daddy I want a toy please can I have a

toy see little Johnny doesn't live in a

world of credit-card debt and in his

frustration on dealing with his stuff

and trying to handle the kids and all

the other stuff daddy's snaps out and

says listen you can't have a toy you

don't deserve it you're not good enough

not being you're not behaved enough

today and daddy thinks that'll just keep

him quiet while he goes back to dealing

with his you know big world problems but

what's happening right now is quite

significant you see little Johnny

doesn't hear

that's frustration all Johnny hears is

that I'm not good enough I'm not worth

it and I'm undeserving and probably

spends a large

the rest of his life unconsciously

acting out that behavior to justify why

he's right including self sabotaging if

the threat of success comes along to

challenge that in a model of the world

you see when it comes to being able to

work with psychology and after thousands

of hours of working with people all over

the world I've come to know that the

undisputed first law in

psychotherapeutic intervention in other

areas the undisputed first law of

personal growth is this that people will

never rise above the opinion of

themselves now one of the challenge is

that opinion is largely formed in our

childhood years sub 7 from the

perception of where we think we did or

didn't get love from the people we most

wanted it from hmm I usually let people

sit with that one for a while it also

mirrors the first law of relationships

which I firmly believe states that no

one can never love us more than we love

ourselves now one of the other

challenges on that is that we are also

creatures of habit now what does that

mean that means that that prefrontal

cortex

now that neocortex that frontal lobe

that serves all of that executive

decision-making is prime real estate in

fact the brain waves 150th of the

bodyweight but takes up 20% of all of

the calories so when it comes to using

that frontal lobe evolution has some

shortcuts it says well clearly you're

using intelligence to make the decision

so it should be a good decision so when

you choose the fries instead of the

salad it doesn't care it's job is to

adapt and if you make that decision over

and over again then rather than take up

critical thinking which is meant to

serve you intelligently it hands it over

to the midbrain and it becomes an

unconscious behavior or pattern or what

we also call a habit see now you order

the fries just because it's what you do

you don't even question it now that can

be very useful when it comes to learning

yeah or not learning how to have to walk

every day but it also said

some challenges you see we suddenly

arrive at work on our day off we don't

know why or you know we suddenly get

home and realized where did the last two

kilometres or two miles of driving go

Wow how did I avoid all of the crazies

good old midbrain at work but the deeper

challenge to that as creatures of habit

is the fact that we're using our

conscious brain only a small amount of

the time that critical decision-making

the rest of the time like 95% of the

time is what I call people sleeping

awake if I'll give you an analogy why do

you imagine that the conscious mind is

an ant here he is cute little fella

answer industrious they're hard-working

they're determined they're gonna get the

job done this is your conscious mind in

fact this particular ant went to a

person development seminar last week he

set his goals and he's marching north

confidently in the direction of his

achievements the problem is he's

marching over the back of an elephant

that's heading south unconscious mind

with all of our limiting patterns

limiting beliefs on all of the other

unresolved self issues that go on there

we start to see why we self-sabotage see

how do you get that elephant moving in

the right direction well let me give you

another example another analogy the mind

is like a compass needle in fact it can

only point in one direction at a time

but when we're operating from our aunt's

that five percent of the time where

we're conscious and using free will we

can grab that compass needle we can

point it anywhere that's what freewill

allows us to do if we're feeling down we

can go choose to watch a comedy or call

a friend who can cheer us up if we're

feeling low on energy we can go put the

kettle on and make ourselves a coffee or

a drink but 95% of the time we're not

doing that and as soon as we let a hand

off of that compass needle consciously

it will always drift back to its default

magnetic north which unfortunately for

most people is more negative than

positive seem and that leads us to our

third challenge and that is something

you may want to really tattoo on the

inside of your eyelids

and that is that environment Trump's

will what do I mean by that I mean the

our intention will always be beaten by

our environment over time for example

let's say that yeah you're a music fan

but you don't like jazz yeah it's for

the other people you're kind of a

country-and-western kind of guy or girl

and you listen to Country and Western in

the car going to work but your car's

broken down this week so your good

neighbor around the corner that works at

the same place has offered to give you a

lift so you're going to share the

45-minute drive to work and back for the

next five days but they listen to jazz

now I don't care what you think

consciously within three days I know

what's going to happen within three days

in the car you're tapping your feet to

the beat within five days you're humming

it in the shower you see we don't get to

choose whether or not we get programmed

with programmable by design we can only

choose how we want to be programmed

another way of saying that is you can

have all of the intention to be as warm

and hot as you like you can raise your

body temperature you can like put on

some big clothes but if you choose to

live in a freezer the environment is

gonna win over time in other words you

can read all of the positive

affirmations you can stand in front of

the mirror and say that you believe in

yourself but if you live with somebody

who is constantly pulling you down

somebody who is reminding you of why

you're not good enough and why it won't

work at some point you're gonna start to

believe it there's the law of conformity

if you hang out with nine recreational

drug users I've got news for you you're

most likely going to become the tenth if

you hang out with nine positive people

that look at life through the lens of

how we can why we can't to hold up a

mirror for each other's greatness to be

midwives to each other's dreams instead

of stealing them you're likely going to

become the tenth or you'll leave the

environment

it's the ninety five percent law of the

law of conformity so how do we change

that well there's three tips that I want

to share with you that will help turn

this around you know and I'm pretty

simple guy so I want to give you some

pretty simple tips

and I'm breaking into three things the

first is stop putting the wrong things

in you see as I said we are adapting

machines our bodies our physical bodies

adapt to our environment we don't get to

choose that we only get to choose the

environment we put them in if it's the

gym or McDonald's the body doesn't care

is job is to adapt but it's the same

with our mind so stop putting the wrong

programming in in other words if you

think of the two biggest things that

impact us unconsciously more than

anything else it's the mainstream media

and our peer group of who we hang with

let's touch all the media for a second

now for those of you that still think

that the mainstream media is about

reporting the news I Got News for you

you're in Disneyland see the job of the

media is not to report the news you're

kidding me

the job of the mainstream media is to

stimulate another part of the brain

called the amygdala which is designed

evolutionarily to notice negative before

positive so that they can hook your

attention out of the mass of the crowd

and record you as a viewing statistic to

justify rate cards and advertising the

media is not a charity so I haven't

watched a news report or read a

newspaper for pretty much seventeen

years now yeah

for those of you that still watch things

like visit CNN constant negative news

mm-hmm I've got news for you all right

from what I understand it's all the same

news it's the same news it was 17 years

ago it's just happening to different

people and so you cannot watch the news

and be positive it's like saying I want

to be healthy and I smoke just doesn't

work you can go to the gym as many times

as you want but if you're smoking you

can't be healthy it's a binary equation

and if you're being programmed by the

mainstream media you can't have that

default magnetic north move away from

being negative is constant programming

people say well how do you know what's

going on in the world not you kidding me

yeah everything's going on in the world

a far better question would be what do

you want to choose to focus on think of

the Amazon rainforest at night yeah

everything's going on but the media want

to take your little flashlight in your

hand and point is that oh my goodness

look at this it's a snake eating a rat

versus you saying yeah but

have a look at this hummingbird being

born it's it's a choice so I have no

clue what's going on in the world I have

every clue what's going on in my world

and if something's important enough

it'll find me so stop programming

yourself with why the world won't work

and start taking charge of where you

point your flashlight now the other

thing is about peer group now some

people say yeah I could probably change

my friends and some of us maybe should

but I can't change my family yeah my

brother is the most negative person I

know my mother-in-law's always telling

me I'm not good enough for her son or

whatever it may be well I know that we

can't change our family and you know

looking at the reasons why you chose

your parents is a another TED talk but

the best advice I can give is love your

family choose your friends now the

second thing start putting the right

things in now we live in a time in

society where there's so much great

information whether it's a podcast

whether it's inspirational interviews

whether it's you know books or the lives

of some of the people we looked at

earlier every single day or at least

every single week if you want to take

your compass needle and start remag

Nitai zhing it in a positive direction

by exposing yourself to the kind of

information that supports your potential

and your greatness on where you want to

go now there's no excuse for not being

able to do that now in a society where

it's so available but if you're not

choosing to do that by default you're

going to be hooked into somebody else's

agenda and if you don't start filming as

the star of the movie in your life by

default you're going to end up as a film

extra in somebody else's and then the

third point get the things that

shouldn't be in there out what do I mean

by that you know work with a decent

mentor or a coach that understands how

to navigate the minefield of human

behavior somebody that isn't just going

to teach you skills but somebody that

can reach in and find those unconscious

patterns and be able to rip them out for

good I'll give you an example I had a

client come to me a while back who said

I want to learn time management now a

normal coach or what-have-you would

probably teach them some good time

management skills but within two minutes

it was easy to see that time management

wasn't the issue the real issue was his

inability to deal with rejection and

therefore he was saying yeah he wasn't

saying no to people because by saying no

it would trigger a rejection response

and therefore he was saying yes to too

many things and therefore there was too

much on his calendar and therefore he

thought he needed time management you

get the idea

you see when we're able to start

addressing things like our unconscious

programming when we start to create the

best habits that we can by programming

ourselves consciously when we start

grabbing that compass needle and

bringing it over to the right direction

so that the 95 percent of the time was

sleeping awake we're able to be who we

need to be that's when we can start to

achieve the real game in town which is

self mastery see before you spend

another penny on workshops or skills or

anything work on yourself

see mastering the game of self

throughout human history has been the

number one recommendation of virtually

everybody that achieved it and then

preached the benefits of it to people

that usually weren't listening but by

mastering our sense of self we're able

to walk into a room where everything's

descending into chaos and retain our

Center when everything's breaking down

around us with the eye of the storm it's

like move I'll handle it

see that's the best way that you'll be

able to handle uncertainty and when we

commit to self mastery we give ourselves

the best shot of becoming the best and

greatest versions of ourself that we can

be and then we get to become the example

and the invitation to others not the

imposition nobody changes because you

tell them to people change because

they're inspired to change and we can

only inspire them by being the example

and the invitation and at that point we

have a chance of being able to really

make a change in this world make a

difference which is what the world needs

right now and ultimately be the

embodiment of what Gandhi said which was

to be the change you wish to see in the

world thank you God

you

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