How to Get Along When Every Generation Thinks Differently

For the first time in history, [music] we are living in a society with seven different generations who don't seem to see eye to eye. Who here has experienced [music] a Gen Z stare?

Well, it takes us a second to kind of maybe buffer it.

And kind of Like your brain is doing this. It's a

little Like loading. Literally loading.

Like loading. Literally loading.

Look at her little brain fog.

On the flip side of Gen Z, I hear that the boomers are partying. They're having

sex. They're smoking a lot of pot. The

boomers [music] had free love in the 1960s and now they have free love in their 60s.

[laughter] We, as the older generation, aren't [music] prepared for a generation that actually grew up in this technological age of being on their phones. They don't

know how to connect.

They're not out playing with their friends. [music] They're not solving

friends. [music] They're not solving problems on their own, developing that resilience and toughness. I had one of my girls who started working as an architect. She's calling me about

architect. She's calling me about work-life balance. And I'm like, "What

work-life balance. And I'm like, "What the hell?"

the hell?" [laughter] This is, by far, the biggest generational difference in work attitudes.

If one generation has expectations, the other generation doesn't care. Then how

do we ever find middle ground?

Hi everyone. I am delighted to be here with you on the Oprah podcast for the first time in history. Did you all know this, that we are living in a society

with seven different generations.

Generations who don't seem to see eye to eye or even speak the same language sometimes. And how is that showing up in

sometimes. And how is that showing up in our workplace, in your school, or within your own family? I wanted to ask the audience what do you all think are the

stereotypes about your own generation or other generations? So, Tanya, you're a

other generations? So, Tanya, you're a millennial, which is ages 30 to 45. Now,

y'all are getting older.

[laughter] Y'all are getting older. What do you want to say?

It frustrates me with um Gen Z. I think

their communication style is just a completely different style. It kind of lacks respect sometimes, whereas I feel like millennials, we take a bit more

care and respect in how we communicate.

Okay, so you think millennials are more careful in their respect Okay. Thank

you. I need a boomer now. Ages That's

ages 62 to 80. That's my group, Brenda.

Hi. Um I'm an educator, and one thing that I see or several things that I see that are missing from generations, because I've been doing this for a while,

is work ethic, accountability, and toughness.

So, the type of toughness that I grew up with or accountability that led to toughness, I don't see it. I have a lot of students who don't meet timelines and

Don't respect timelines.

They don't respect timelines.

Yeah.

And they have a lot of excuses for why they can't get things done.

Mhm.

And they show up whenever they want to to class.

And that's a problem. And so, and the work ethic, they don't always give their best um work when I know that they can do better. So, definitely.

better. So, definitely.

Okay. I see a lot of Gen Z'ers here.

Hello. Thank you all. Ages That's ages 14 to 29. Madeline, your thoughts.

With Gen Z personally, I think that there was two events that really impacted how we kind of changed our behavior and kind of influenced how we moved forward. And I think a lot of

moved forward. And I think a lot of technology advancements and COVID really impacted majority of people of my generation, and we kind of got left in this space where we weren't getting a lot of guidance from other generations,

cuz I don't think the older generations knew how to teach us how to navigate these things, because that was the first time anyone was experiencing it. But, I

really think it did impact and change my generation, cuz I think we are associated with a lot of negative stereotypes, but I think we were kind of expected to go through go through these things without knowing anything, and

we're expected to know everything.

Okay, so there's a lack of leadership, you say. What about what Tonya said

you say. What about what Tonya said earlier? Do you think that there is a

earlier? Do you think that there is a problem in the level of respect?

I think there's a divide in Gen Z. I

think there's a lot of people who do lack respect, but I think there's also a big part of my generation who does have that respect. I think that kind of comes

that respect. I think that kind of comes down to a lot of external factors, but I do notice that there's a big divide in my generation with how we act and how we speak and how we behave.

Okay. And Gen X, I hear Gen X feels like they're the ignored middle children.

What do you want to say about that, Kim?

I'm Gen X, and we're the forgotten generation. There's uh so much said in

generation. There's uh so much said in like the media and the cult our culture about pitting uh Gen Gen Millennials, pitting Millennials against Baby

Boomers, and it's like we don't exist, and we're right here, front and center.

So, what happens is we get looked over for jobs, for healthcare, all sorts of things. Um but, we're right here.

things. Um but, we're right here.

Yeah. And so, what what is that age range for Gen Xers? What is that?

So, it's uh Gen X is those born between 1965 and 1979.

Okay. Well, thank you all so much for your comments. To help us unpack all

your comments. To help us unpack all this, I'm joined by psychologist, professor, and best-selling author Jean Twenge. She's the author of Generations,

Twenge. She's the author of Generations, The Real Difference Between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silence, and what they mean for

America's future. Welcome, Jean. Thank

America's future. Welcome, Jean. Thank

you so much for being here.

Thank you.

Thank you. Can you briefly tell us what are the general traits of the generations, not stereotypes, or maybe they are stereotypes. Yeah.

Yeah, so either word generations was traditionally used to mean generations within a family. So, grandparents,

parents, children. But now we talk about social generations. So, that would be

social generations. So, that would be the silent generation born 1925 to 1945.

So, their name is really a misnomer.

They really changed a lot of things. Two

famous members, Martin Luther King Jr. and Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Okay.

Then the boomers born 1946 to 1964.

So, silents changed the law, boomers changed hearts and minds in terms of just a lot of outdated social rules going away.

There were more boomers for a long time than any any other generation, right?

Right. That's where they get their name from was the huge baby boom after World War II. So, very very large generation,

War II. So, very very large generation, still a very large generation.

Okay.

Followed by Gen X, a much smaller generation.

1965 to 79. That's where they're the middle child.

Ignored.

Ignored and skipped over. But, you know, Gen X brings their own strengths, very practical.

Um, really arguably the last generation to have a unified pop culture experience. I'm a Gen Xer, we love our

experience. I'm a Gen Xer, we love our pop culture.

Um, my favorite part of the book was talking about the very strange Saturday morning cartoons that we watched that I think were written by a bunch of boomers who were stoned. As far as I can [laughter] tell.

That's my guess.

Yes.

Yeah. Uh,

then we have millennials. So, born 1980 to 1994.

And they've become known for kind of breaking down institutions. So,

marriage, religion, things like that.

Having a lot of self-confidence and optimism, although that's uh, curtailed a little bit in the last few years.

Then uh, Gen Z. So, born 1995 to nobody knows yet, but uh, we're kind of getting a consensus around 2009 maybe for the last year. So, Gen Z is the first

last year. So, Gen Z is the first generation to spend their entire adolescence in the age of the smartphone. So, and that's had ripple

smartphone. So, and that's had ripple effects across many areas of their lives. In terms of their experience with

lives. In terms of their experience with social interaction and lots of other things. So, after Gen Z, that's another

things. So, after Gen Z, that's another one where we don't really know yet, but there's consensus forming around alphas.

So, after Gen Z, we have another younger generation and to name them we have a problem because we ran out of letters.

So, what are we going to do?

We'll go back to the beginning of the alphabet call them alphas is what a lot of people have said.

Ah.

Mhm.

That's the baby children coming up now.

Yes. Yes.

Um yeah, exactly. So, that younger group is still in elementary school, middle school, maybe the beginning of high school.

And this is what you write I found so interesting that the generation we are born into impacts every aspect of our life. Think

about that, y'all.

It impacts our attitudes, our values, our economic conditions, our opportunities, even our well-being.

Uh some people have challenged this idea. How so?

idea. How so?

Yeah. Well, I think pretty much everyone agrees that growing up now, living now is completely different from what it was like to live 100 years ago, you know, or 50 years ago, or even 20 years ago.

There's just so many changes in technology and the way that we live, the way that we relate to each other, and everything else. Where you get the

everything else. Where you get the challenges is people will say, "Well, why are we putting people into these arbitrary 15 to 20-year groups?" Well,

because that's really an easier way to study people. Otherwise, how would we

study people. Otherwise, how would we have the language? Would we have to say each individual birth year, people born in the '70s? And there are some reasons to group people that way. It allows us to just understand more about each

other, which is really the point, you know, not to point fingers or stereotype, but to try to understand each other better. That's why I got into doing this in the first place.

Okay, so you write about a phenomenon called the slow life strategy. What is

that?

Yeah, so it explains so much about how things have changed over the generations. So when you have a society

generations. So when you have a society that's just more technologically complex, people live longer cuz we have better medical care.

And then education takes longer to finish. So it slows down the whole life

finish. So it slows down the whole life cycle. Like not day-to-day, but in terms

cycle. Like not day-to-day, but in terms of years. That people take longer to

of years. That people take longer to grow up and longer to grow old. So in

childhood, kids are less independent.

Teenagers are now much less likely than say Gen X was at the same age to have a driver's license or to have a paid job.

Yes. Much less likely.

And why is that? That they're less likely That's what I hear. That

teenagers now don't have driver's licenses.

That's right.

Nor care about driving, right? And why

is that?

Well, there's a couple reasons. So one

is the parties on Snapchat or Instagram, but Yeah.

that's that's one element.

Um but it's it is also this slow life strategy. Um they just are not as eager

strategy. Um they just are not as eager to do adult things in the way that Gen Xers or even millennials were at the same age. They look at having a driver's

same age. They look at having a driver's license and they're like, "Mm, you know."

know." Oh, see, I thought it was cuz of Uber.

Well, until really recently you couldn't take Uber until you were 18. Plus we see the decline in driver's licenses even in rural areas where Uber isn't around.

Uber's expensive, too. So and it's also not just a driver's license. They're

less likely to have a paid job. They're

less likely to go on dates. They're less

likely to drink alcohol.

So nobody's getting jobs at 15 and 16 anymore.

Not as much.

Yeah.

Not as much. It's much less common. So

all of those adult things, those happen later. So they're just taking longer to

later. So they're just taking longer to do those things.

That's why it's called the slow life strategy.

Yeah, that's right. And then it shows up in young adulthood, too. There's this

reluctance to become an adult. You know,

it's now a verb. It's adulting.

Right? And that's And And ever says adulting for all of the the fun things about being an adult like being independent. It's things like doing

independent. It's things like doing laundry and paying your bills.

Yes.

that focus on all that's no fun. But

just on the practical matter, young adults um take longer to settle into career, to get married, to have children.

But it goes on because middle-aged people look and feel younger than their parents or grandparents did at the same age.

Thank god for hair color.

Yeah.

It's actually biomarkers, too. They've

looked at it and we actually are younger than a few decades ago.

just hair color.

Yeah, no. It isn't.

Nora Ephron once said that hair color is the greatest gift ever given to to women.

Lady Clairol. Yeah, yeah. It is It made a huge difference because, you know, it just did.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I will always color my hair. I will

be in the casket colored.

[laughter] So, so go ahead.

So, that's middle age. And then um I just as people get older, they enjoy more years of health and more years of life.

Yeah. And so all of that has contributed to the slow life strategy.

Yes.

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So, Amanda Schneider is a researcher and writer, and her upcoming book is called Work for What's Next: Why Workplace Culture Is Failing and How the Next

Generation Can Fix It. Welcome, Amanda.

Thank you.

So, I'm so happy that we're having this conversation because I hear all the time the, you know, differences between the generations in the workplace. And you

say work is broken. How so?

So, I think we are actually changing the vernacular when we think about work. And

I think unfortunately right now we're focused on the wrong problem.

When we hear people talk about work today in the media, especially, it's around return to office. But we can't fix a how problem with a where solution.

Bringing them back won't matter if there's a problem with how we're working. So, the next generations, who

working. So, the next generations, who are naturally digital first, meaning they see the world through a digital mindset, can really help us figure out how to evolve work for this figital era,

meaning blending physical and digital work.

Right. And so, I know that some Gen Z'ers say that they've gotten a bad rap.

Do you think Gen Z'ers have gotten a bad rap in the workplace?

Definitely. Definitely.

People say they don't want to work as hard as their parents.

Yeah.

Uh they demand work-life balance.

Yeah.

Uh and believe in don't really believe in loyalty to the company. Are those

generalizations true?

They're true, but there's another perspective there. It's

perspective there. It's Okay, what is it?

So, if we want to look at their perspective, we have to understand how they think, and I think that we have to do more to bring these generations together.

So, if I had to summarize kind of what's shifting, work used to be a noun, and I think some older generations think about work as a physical place. Meaning, when

my dad said he was going to work, it meant he was physically taking his bag, and he was going to an office, right?

Yes. Yes.

When these younger generations think, "I'm going to work," if you look at how my kids hear me when I say, "I'm going to work," it means I'm going to open my laptop somewhere. Might be in an office,

laptop somewhere. Might be in an office, might be at home, might be somewhere in between.

That's a fundamental difference in the way we perceive the languaging of it.

I think it's a fundamental difference in how these different generations see the world.

Okay.

And so, to fix work, we're going to have to really understand and fix the systems that are evolving from a noun to a verb.

Jean, you even write that Gen Z is skeptical of the need for hierarchy in the workplace. You call this flattening.

the workplace. You call this flattening.

Explain. What that is.

Yeah, so it goes along with individualism. Just more focus on the

individualism. Just more focus on the self and less on others. It's been

another big change in the culture over the years that shaped generations. So,

in the workplace, it just means a lot less hierarchy. And we've seen this

less hierarchy. And we've seen this across many decades that it used to be people would call their boss by their last name, you know, Mr. Jones, Ms.

Patel, right? And now it's it's Mike or

Patel, right? And now it's it's Mike or Priya. You call them by their first

Priya. You call them by their first name. Sometimes you might even call them

name. Sometimes you might even call them bro if you're if you're in Gen Z.

Yeah.

Uh just much more casual. And we see this in dress.

boss bro?

I don't. Yeah.

But you would call you some people call their bosses My kids probably will. My kids call me bro.

Okay.

All right.

[laughter] I am from San Diego.

Okay.

Explain some of it.

Okay.

Yeah. But it it comes out in dress, too.

That it used to be people would wear suits to work and really dress up to work. And then it was oh, in the '90s we

work. And then it was oh, in the '90s we had casual Friday and now every day is casual Friday.

Yeah.

Uh and again, for my kids, maybe people looking at them, I'm kind of wondering if in the future people will end up at work wearing pajama pants. Maybe we're

already there.

Yeah, I think we are already there.

Uh and it also just comes in how people relate to each other.

That it used to be much more common for bosses just to you tell employees, "Okay, this is what you're going to do."

And they would go and do it. And now

it's much more of a team mentality and much more of the manager working with people uh rather than ordering them around and talking more about why we're doing what we're doing and why it's

important rather than just go do this cuz that's what I told you to do.

Well, the baby boomers are pushing off retirement and you know, Congress is even considering raising the the retirement age from 67 I hear to 70. And

today's college graduates have been described as trying to merge on a freeway and nobody is letting you in.

Mhm.

So, uh I would like both of your reactions to that.

Mhm.

What do you say?

I think it's definitely a challenge today. We need to think about new

today. We need to think about new systems, meaning um more consulting options. You know, the gig economy is actually growing. That's

very attractive to Gen Z. I think it's also very attractive to, you know, maybe boomers that are ready to retire but don't want to step totally out of the workforce. So, I think there's a real

workforce. So, I think there's a real opportunity to re-look at some of these systems around this evolving perception of what work needs to look like for the future.

So, how do you think this is impacting the younger generations?

Well, I mean, there's there's some good news here as boomers are a very large generation. Many of them are retiring.

generation. Many of them are retiring.

That opens up a lot of opportunities for young workers. We think we really saw

young workers. We think we really saw that a few years ago right after the pandemic. It opened up a lot of those

pandemic. It opened up a lot of those opportunities.

Um it's just now the at least perception is AI is taping taking a lot of those opportunities away. So, there's a real

opportunities away. So, there's a real reconsideration.

I I there was a time when everybody was talking about quiet quitting their jobs.

And now, I think the thing is job hugging.

Uh I mean, what changed?

Yeah, I think it's this era of risk aversion. You talk about the slow life.

aversion. You talk about the slow life.

I think we're shifting from an era of kind of slow life uh lots of friction to a fast life with not much friction at all. I think it's why we're hearing

all. I think it's why we're hearing about this uh not a lot of grit from younger generations. Maybe because they haven't

generations. Maybe because they haven't had to develop it kind of in the same way.

Um that is really going to have us rethink how we're looking at all of our systems. And so, all of the stereotypes about generations, we've had this for years.

Have we not, Jean? Everybody stereotypes

generations.

Yes, but I mean, that's one of the reasons I got into the field in the first place looking at surveys where you look at what young people have to say about themselves because then you're not stereotyping, you're listening.

Mhm. And what have you learned the most about the Gen Z'ers?

Oh, so many things. Um but if we're going to focus on work, some of those ideas around work ethic, that is what they say themselves. They are less willing to work overtime. Um they're

less likely to say that that work is a central part of their life.

Um they also are more likely to say that they want a job where they can help others.

More likely to say. Yes. Yeah. And

And that's because of what Amanda was saying, work doesn't mean to them what it meant to our generation or to the Gen X generation. It actually doesn't mean

X generation. It actually doesn't mean the same.

Maybe. Maybe not.

We should ask them. Jodie is Gen Z and moved to New York to pursue a career in fashion and she works for a luxury brand and says work-life balance is very important. Jodie, tell us why.

important. Jodie, tell us why.

Yes, so work-life balance is very important to me because of the way that I grew up. So, I grew up in a Filipino immigrant family. So,

immigrant family. So, they work to survive and to support the family. So, work-life balance wasn't a

family. So, work-life balance wasn't a priority for them.

So, for me, when it came to my career, I had a dreamer mentality. I took a different career path than them. I moved

from California to New York to pursue fashion and styling. I worked multiple jobs including retail, worked my way up the corporate ladder in luxury fashion,

and it gave me stability to continue to build my business, but also still have that stable income. So, work-life

balance is really important. I set hard deadlines and hard boundaries between myself and work and sometimes that may be perceived as like um

I'm not working as hard.

But, I am. I'm just doing it sporadically.

Yes.

[laughter] Yeah.

Okay. So, I think this is so interesting because I have, you know, mentored a lot of girls from South Africa who were at my school and now I think I think I don't know what generation they are, but anyway, I had one of my girls who

started working as an architect, tried very hard to get a job as an architect right out of USC and got a job with the architectural firm here in New York.

Really prominent architectural firm.

Started working. 4 months in, she's calling me about work-life balance and I'm like, "What the hell?

[laughter] What the hell? You got the job. There's

no such thing I mean, my generation there was no such thing as work-life balance and I think it we this pendulum was way over on the other side and we swung too far. But the

idea that you're supposed to have work-life balance when you first start a job is just a foreign concept to our generation.

But you believe that is your right.

I believe it's my right. I know there are certain times like I'm not afraid to go ahead and stay later during busy times, but normal times where work is manageable, I'm off the clock after And you

and don't call me on the weekends and don't call me past all that.

But I also do work in a business that has a good work-life It's great.

I love it. I'm very fortunate to work in in a company that has good work-life balance and most of us don't work on the weekends.

That's great.

Yeah, I mean this this is by far the biggest generational difference in work attitudes when you take age out and career stage out of the equation.

So that work-life balance piece. So this

is the one of the biggest generational divides because there's a lot of baby boomer and sometimes even Gen Xer managers who look at this and say that didn't

exist when I was starting up and when I was coming up in this job it just it just wasn't there. And they see that they see it as a lack of work ethic yet Gen Z says, "Look, I want to have a

life. I want to get enough sleep. I want

life. I want to get enough sleep. I want

to have mental health and wellness." And

they have a point.

They do have a point.

get that divide. And one place where the divide really ends up coming up a lot is the idea of a mental health day.

So there's a lot of older managers who are like, "You want a mental health what?"

what?" Um yes.

Really? Um but then there's Gen Z who says, "No, of course of course that should be completely acceptable just as it's acceptable to take a day off when you're physically sick.

Uh yeah, I know I had somebody who told me that someone in in the Gen Z generation had said that to them and they they said as the employer

the weekend is your mental health day.

Yeah, which is the way we all grew up.

So is is the reason why we have this divide is because there needs to be a shift in the way we, the older generation, thinks about the younger generation.

That could be one way to think about it or it could be that both both have a point and we have to meet somewhere in the middle.

If one generation has expectations, the other generation doesn't care or thinks that your expectations are completely unreasonable,

how how do we ever find middle ground?

Yeah, I mean we can find things that are are the win-win solutions for giving the generation what they want in the short term that's also good for them in the long term and for the organization in the long term. And there are there are

some of those solutions like you know, more coverage for mental health care might be one of those examples.

I know, but then I would be wary of the you know, lots of people talk about mental health days and mental health days for a lot of people is I don't feel so good.

Right. And that that's why that's why those those are are hard. The mental

health day piece is difficult. But yes,

bring more attention to So like some companies are doing this cool thing where they give starting employees a wellness grant and they can spend it however they want. They can spend it for therapy, they can spend it to buy a better mattress or a or a expensive

pillow or whatever will make their life better.

So Susan is Gen X and was an elementary school teacher for 20 years and she wrote to us saying, "If you want to know what the generational divide is like, come sit in a public school staff

meeting."

meeting." [laughter] Oh boy, I can only imagine what that's like. Yeah.

like. Yeah.

Well, you can tell the generations without even having conversation yet.

The Gen X and the boomers will be in their corner with a stack of papers grading, heads down. Um, and there was a lot of the Millennials that collaborated

and talked. And then at the end of the

and talked. And then at the end of the meeting, you know, the younger generation would have their hands in the air asking why we're doing this. And

then you see like the glares like because we're going to do this. You

know, that was our way is you were told kind of what to do. And we did it. And

the younger generations of teachers are coming in and talking about it, talking about how we're going to fix the problems, especially with mental health.

After COVID is where I saw the largest generational divide happen. Kids came

in, the Alpha came in to my classroom and they are so used to being behind screens that normally when you say let's get a partner, the kids want to get

partners and I was seeing 10 kids not one to have that peer interaction. They

couldn't. They didn't know how.

But the most interesting part to me was the adults don't know how to teach that.

We were never taught to talk about our feelings or emotions.

We pushed on. I'm just fine. I'm fine.

When you're crumbling. And now these kids are in front of you and they're talking through body language, through

reactions, through anger.

And the older generations we and I told my students I don't know how to help you.

But I'm going to find a way.

I told my daughter Madeleine one day, I don't know how to mommy you through this.

I'm going to Google it. She said, did you just say you're going to Google it?

I didn't know how to help her. That

never happened to me. But I think that what was so wonderful in my classroom was I gave them transparency and vulnerability.

And they want that, but there's so many adults we all know.

We didn't learn how to parent. We didn't

learn how to get through conflict.

Yeah. Well, one of the things I I I I gathered from reading generations generations There is there are distinct differences and we

as the older generation aren't prepared for our generation that actually grew up in this technological age of being on their phones and that we just aren't prepared.

No.

We just aren't prepared. And so, what are you suggesting?

I really think there some great social and emotional curriculum coming out.

Um teachers kind of white knuckle the book because when they're trying to teach these um ways to communicate, they aren't used to doing it. So, teachers

are kind of famous for if we don't know how, we're not going to do it.

Yeah.

So, we have to teach them how to do it.

and haven't you found in those staff meetings or in general, too, uh and certainly you have Jean in your your writing that every generation's resistant to change?

Oh, absolutely, but in schools right now, it's crumbling.

Schools are our future and they're wanting to have a connection. They don't

know how to make it.

You mean the older generation with the younger generation?

I even mean just the younger generation with their peers.

Okay.

Because they're behind because they're always on their iPad.

Yes.

And so, they don't know how to connect.

know they don't know how because they don't have as much experience. I mean,

building social skills takes thousands and thousands of hours.

And so, the children are just they're not having that experience growing up.

They're not out playing with their friends outside in the way that previous generations grew up. They're not solving problems on their own, developing that resilience and toughness they came up

earlier. It's just it's not happening as

earlier. It's just it's not happening as much, and then it's not happening when they're teenagers, cuz instead of the iPad, then they have the phone. And so

again, and we know this from tons of data, they're not just hanging out with their friends, going to parties, going to the mall, any of these things about just getting together with friends in person,

those rates have been cut in half.

They're just not doing that as much as previous generations did.

Cuz they're just on their phones.

That's primarily what it's replaced.

Yeah. Yeah.

Thank you, Susan. Well, last summer you all might recall that the the term Gen Z stare took off on social media.

Who here has experienced a Gen Z stare?

Mhm.

Okay.

Okay.

You want to explain to us what it is?

I've never I had never experienced it. I

didn't know what they were talking about, but go ahead.

The basic idea is often, you know, in some sort of like service interaction with someone, the employee will just do like this, kind of a blank expression, as if, you know, we don't even I don't know. I don't

think the rest of us can really figure it out.

Okay.

but what's going on with it, but that's what it usually looks like.

Okay. So, 18-year-old Demetrius posted this response on Tik Tok to the older generations.

We have the Gen Z stare because most of y'all are just clueless.

Can I have a cheeseburger with no cheese?

Some customers make you question, how are these real people? It says remove my card. Um do I remove my card?

card. Um do I remove my card?

Most of the time it's us trying to figure out if you're being for real or not. Item says that it's out of stock.

not. Item says that it's out of stock.

Um do you have any more in the back?

But then somehow we're the mean ones.

[applause] Demetrius, is it really that bad?

Yes.

It's that bad.

Yes.

Yeah. Okay. What do you want the older generation to know about your generation?

We didn't choose to grow up in such a digital like social media-based society, you know, this is what we were grown and raised into. So, something that maybe

raised into. So, something that maybe the older generations might call insensitive or even sensitive in some cases is just a natural result of how we're experiencing our environments

and whatnot.

Yeah. And so, [snorts] when you when you have those kind of encounters, what is the reason for the stare?

[laughter] I'm not saying for you specifically, but the reason that's become a thing is why?

In social media, everything's fast-paced. We're you know, we're so

fast-paced. We're you know, we're so used to instant gratification, instantly getting scrolls, text messages. So,

we're used to fast-paced whatever. So, when we're

fast-paced whatever. So, when we're doing the stare, when something slow or maybe confusing in our life, it's it takes us aback a little bit. And so,

it takes us a second to kind of maybe buffer and kind of and kind of figure out what is what is going on. Are you

Your brain is doing this.

Literally loading. Yes. Loading. Yes.

That is funny.

Yes.

That is funny. You're taking a second to buffer.

Yes.

[laughter] Yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

Is it because you think that is it you think we're stupid? Is that Do you really think [laughter] we're we're stupid or you're irritated or what? The stare is like

what? The stare is like A little bit of both, kind of.

[laughter] Maybe not stupid, but a lot of the times, we're just when we view work,

we don't see work as something that's enjoyable. Especially with now with

enjoyable. Especially with now with social media, there's content creators, influencers, where they're making tons of money just doing whatever. That plays

a really big role in how we view work as well.

Yeah, because the new aspiration is to become a TikTok influencer, right? Yeah.

Which is kind of I mean kind of like back in the day, you know, you played middle school basketball and you said, "Okay, then I'm going to be in the NBA and make millions." And that that's the problem with that dream only a very few

can do that and really make a living off of it.

Yeah.

Um but that that's kind of that that new dream. Um and it but it's true. It's

dream. Um and it but it's true. It's

like it feels like it's winning the lottery and that you can just make all that money doing that. Um and there's data to back up that too that uh Gen Z's a lot less likely to say at the age 18

they're less likely to say that they expect their chosen work to be satisfying. Cuz that had actually been

satisfying. Cuz that had actually been going up from boomers to Gen Xers to millennials. Like there was a lot of

millennials. Like there was a lot of optimism and then it just plummets. A

lot more pessimism in general with Gen Z but especially around work.

Do you feel that?

Yes.

You do.

So your goal isn't to find a job that fills you with meaning and purpose or is it your your your your your goal?

I think the issue is that the older generations, they maybe view work as working in a physical place 8 hours a day.

Yeah.

Whereas for us, we see work as something that's fun and enjoyable.

what Amanda was saying in her book work, yeah.

And content creating or influencing is probably the closest thing to that in terms of having a job that's both financially stable and also personally satisfying.

But I'm like if you're going to live in a world where everybody's an influencer, who's left to be influenced?

Well, that's true.

[laughter] After a while, right? I don't know.

Thank you, Demetrius. Thank that at least that was a cute video. Let's talk

about love and relationships. When the

silent generation was in their 20s, seven in 10 women were married. So

the silent generation, what what generation is that?

Born 1925 to 1945. So they were young in the 50s.

Okay, they were young in the 50s and so seven in 10 were married. For Gen Z, that number has dropped down to one in 10.

Elsbeth Wimpy is a self-proclaimed dating journalist and interviews singles in her hometown of Dallas. Let's watch

these short clips.

When was the last time a guy approached you?

I literally can't remember. That's how

long it's been.

When was the last time you approached a girl?

Honestly, never in my life.

Normally, I I do not approach men. I

will smile and do like a little finger wave and then that's that's my approach.

So, you're not into boss babe.

No, I just think that bossing a man around is outside of woman's nature.

Are you on the dating apps?

Reluctantly.

How is that working for you?

It's not great.

It's just becoming too much of a slot machine. The gamification of dating, I

machine. The gamification of dating, I was like, ah, this isn't going anywhere.

If she's open to coming back on the first night, for me that's uh Oh, that's a red flag.

That's a red flag. I'm not opposed to it, it's just it's not going to be a long-term for me.

Have you ever ghosted someone before?

I have.

Have you been broken up with?

I've not. I've never been in a relationship.

How's it dealing with 20-year-old men?

Oh, it's rough out here.

The bars in hell?

Terrible.

The bars in hell. Welcome, Elsbeth.

Hi.

Okay, what is uh what why is Gen Z not dating, do you think?

I feel like we're having an identity crisis. A lot of people don't know who

crisis. A lot of people don't know who they are. The comparison culture is

they are. The comparison culture is rampant and the dating apps is can creating a really competitive culture is rampant because you're comparing yourself to everybody else on your screens.

On the dating apps, yes.

Okay.

And average-looking men are virgins later in life, like till they're 30.

Because they're getting rejected all the time.

Okay.

Yeah, and the confidence is just not there.

It's not there. And so, when did you start to notice this happening?

I So, I started Elsbeth on the Streets May of 2025 and as I've interviewed so many people and that's the thing that's come up is people just don't know who they are anymore.

Okay, well, how are you how how are people going to know if they're on their phones all the time?

No, exactly. It's just they don't know how to communicate like you said previously. The you said it takes hours

previously. The you said it takes hours for thousands of hours of hours to develop social interaction. No one knows how to do that anymore. Like approaching

a woman is just weird now.

Yeah.

Is and and and many got the the guys that you were asking on there saying they never had a date before. That's

shocking to me.

[laughter] Was that shocking to you also?

Yes.

Well, a recent poll asked 100,000 college students about their sex lives and 35% said they scrolls on their phones during sex.

How's that working for you?

And some even admitted to stopping sex to text their moms. [laughter] Jean, what is going on?

What is going on, bro?

[laughter] Addiction? I mean, that's what that

Addiction? I mean, that's what that feels like. I mean, that that's so often

feels like. I mean, that that's so often the the narrative that I hear when I talk. I give a lot of talks at school.

talk. I give a lot of talks at school.

So, from middle school students, high school students, even you know, college students, even a lot of older adults say, you know, I just can't I can't I can't put it down. I can't put the phone down. I can't close I can't delete the

down. I can't close I can't delete the social media apps because they're designed. They're designed to be that

designed. They're designed to be that way. That's how they make the most

way. That's how they make the most money. And so, they're going to have

money. And so, they're going to have that element of I don't really want to be on this thing, but I feel like I have to. It's very much an addict's

to. It's very much an addict's narrative.

Wow. On the flip side of Gen Z, there's the boomers.

And I hear that the boomers are partying. There's a there

partying. There's a there There's a reported rise in drinking not with the Gen Z'ers, but with the boomers.

And [clears throat] and boomers are drinking, they're having sex, And they're smoking pot.

They're smoking a lot of pot and they're having sexually transmitted diseases like gonorrhea has increased more than six times with boomers since 2010. So,

what's going on with the boomers?

Yeah.

Well, the boomers had free love in the 1960s and now they have free love in their 60s.

[laughter] That's what's happening with the boomers. Yeah.

boomers. Yeah.

[applause] But but but how does that fit into the slow life strategy theory? What what

what's actually happening?

I I do think a lot of it is generational that that's what boomers really pioneered. Um you know, they were the

pioneered. Um you know, they were the first generation to to to smoke pot at such a high level. Um they did drink a lot uh when they were younger. Uh they

did pioneer uh in many ways the idea of yeah, let's have sex outside of marriage and that's cool. So, that has continued as they've gotten older and they just many of these things they've seen no reason to give it up just because

they're getting older.

Yeah, and we just recently did a podcast on gray divorce. How the greatest number of people who are getting divorced in this country are not people under 40 or

people 40 or under 50 even. It's people

over 65 because people are recognizing that you're living longer. I've been in this marriage, not doing it for me, and I'm going to go smoke some pot and have a good time, you know?

Right. And hopefully not scroll on their phone while they're having sex.

on their phone while having sex. So, for

women of a certain age, I'm talking about boomers, Gen X, and now the elder millennials, I know you've seen the explosion on TikTok over the we do not care club. Here it is.

care club. Here it is.

Hello and welcome to all new and existing members of the we do not care club. We do not care if our hair is

club. We do not care if our hair is thinning on our head and thickening on our chin. We do not care that we clean

our chin. We do not care that we clean our cell phone screen by rubbing it on our boobs.

It works. We do not care if you hear us talking to ourselves and occasionally answering ourselves, too.

We are having a staff meeting.

Leave us the hell alone.

Hi Melanie.

[applause] Welcome Melanie, head of the We Do Not Care Club, Melanie Sanders. When did you realize you didn't care anymore?

You know, I was sitting in my car one day. I had a hysterectomy. And with that

day. I had a hysterectomy. And with that hysterectomy came perimenopause.

I was sitting in my car one day and I was looking in the rearview mirror and I just I was I was putting so much pressure on myself and I you know, you got to go clean. You got to go cook. You

got to go do this. You got to do do do do. And I just said, you know what

do. And I just said, you know what Melanie?

You do not care much anymore. You got to stop it. I am at capacity.

stop it. I am at capacity.

And that was that was the moment. I

said, we do not care.

And then did you realize once you posted that that there are a lot of other people in that club?

Oh boy, I had no idea.

row going Members of the We Do Not Care Club, really? Okay.

really? Okay.

Yes, yes. It's being at capacity, you know, it's it's the pressures of especially in the perimenopause menopause space. Like we're tired and Demetrius,

space. Like we're tired and Demetrius, you were saying buffering. We [snorts] call it brain

buffering. We [snorts] call it brain fog.

[laughter] We can stand there so while you're buffering and a little confused, we're standing there and we're we're just as confused.

So that you know, our we're we're different. Our bodies are changing, you

different. Our bodies are changing, you know, and we have to reprioritize our level of cares.

And how has this this this declaration or affirmation of attitude, has it helped you? Is it working for you?

It it is. It really is because it's the pressure's gone. No more pressure. You

pressure's gone. No more pressure. You

know, I think we all of us, you know, especially like with social media and all the different, you know, things the comparisons and the the judging ourselves, judging others. But when you just say, you know what, I just don't

care. You know, I

care. You know, I not in a bad way, not in a bad way where you're being a mean girl or anything, but just really understanding that I am not the same girl I used to be. I don't

move the same. I don't think the same.

You know, things are different and I'm not going to put that pressure on myself anymore.

everybody nodding behind you, so it looks like you spoke for a whole generation.

She's being herself and being authentic, which is something that resonates a lot across generations now. So, let's talk about family life.

Pamela Liebman is the president of a real estate firm here in New York City.

What are you seeing among the generations? I mean, most generations

generations? I mean, most generations can't I mean, younger Gen Z's can't even afford to buy their own homes.

Yeah, I mean, it's a real bummer and uh I think Gen Z gets a really bad rap as to why they can't buy and um it's so interesting. I've learned a lot today

interesting. I've learned a lot today just even even hearing this, but you know, back in 2007, 21% of home purchasers were first-time home buyers,

right? Uh I'm sorry, the average age was

right? Uh I'm sorry, the average age was like 20 27, okay? It was 21% of the market. Now, the average age is 40. 40

market. Now, the average age is 40. 40

years old before you can afford to buy a house. And Gen Z, I mean, they're just

house. And Gen Z, I mean, they're just coming out of a different situation.

They're loaded with student debt.

Prices are so high, so it's so hard to save money. There was a survey done,

save money. There was a survey done, they said, "If you could have one thing given to you, what would it be?" And

they said a 20% down payment for a home.

Mhm.

So, they just can't afford it. The rents

just came out today in New York. $5,000

average rent. Median home price in the United States, almost $420,000.

It's not a level playing field from where it was.

So, it's you you have seen a trend even in your working of older versus younger people being able to afford homes.

Absolutely. I've been in the business for a long time and I remember someone could come out of school, they didn't have a ton of student debt, and they would be able to buy a house. Maybe they

had a little help from their parents, but maybe they were spending $200,000 or, you know, a minimal amount of money.

Today, to buy a studio, if you're living in one of these really expensive cities, for a million dollars, you're buying a studio apartment. One of the saddest

studio apartment. One of the saddest things for me having seen this is the American dream, a lot of wealth is built on home ownership. Yeah. And if you can't buy that first place and then sell

it to get another bigger place and another one, you just never get to build that. And we've seen historically what's

that. And we've seen historically what's happened when people are blocked from doing that.

Yeah. Thank you, Pamela. Thank you so much. The Census Bureau has tracked a

much. The Census Bureau has tracked a rise in three or more generations living under one roof. That's up since the 1970s, and this video went viral when a

woman surprised four generations of her family with a home for all of them. Take

a look at this. So great.

WELCOME [screaming] [screaming] [laughter] UH ALEXIS, THAT'S GREAT.

[applause] So tell us what made you decide to do that, first of all?

Yeah, um as a young person, I grew up living in the same apartment complex as my family, so we all had multiple units in the same building and we would bounce around having family meals every night,

watching, you know, the big games, and uh sharing holidays together. And so,

you know, it was all fun during the day, but then when it was night time, then it was time to retreat back to our individual units. And I just kind of

individual units. And I just kind of felt even as a young person, why are we not just all in one house doing this?

And so, um I made it a a life goal of mine.

[applause] I I I I I love surprising people. So,

how did you do it? What did you tell them? Where were they going? Where did

them? Where were they going? Where did

they think they were going?

So, my cousin, who was the one leading them into the the house, um told them that he was thinking about buying a something that was a fixer-upper, told them not to touch anything when they

went in there. He kind of just scooped them up and asked them to come visit and see this property he was interested in.

And so, reluctantly, they were like, What?

Yeah, I mean, I guess, sure, we can go see it, but little did they know they were literally on the way to their forever home.

So, how are all the different different generations Yeah, honestly, it's very great, and I think it, you know, is a bit different than most people would expect. I'm sure

I'm in the minority of someone who's able to live and exist in one house with my family, but we have a close-knit um family structure. Everyone kind of knows

family structure. Everyone kind of knows their place. Everyone has their own

their place. Everyone has their own respective areas that they kind of own in the home, which is why I'm It's important to have a larger home for these purposes. Um and everyone kind of

these purposes. Um and everyone kind of has their own responsibilities that they manage.

And how has everybody living together?

Has it Has it Has it helped uh everybody financially? Has it helped

financially? Has it helped Absolutely. I think that, you know, the

Absolutely. I think that, you know, the big thing for me, just the older that I got, at first, you know, as a young person, it was more so just why why are we doing this? Why are we all separate?

But as I got older, I saw the financial opportunity that there was of like, okay, there's not multiple sets of utilities being paid. When you

consolidate, you know, everyone wins on the back end financially.

And everybody gets along, and it's going along gets along, surprisingly. My brother's

out there right now grilling. We're

still [applause] So, all right, how do we make it better in the workplace, Amanda?

In the workplace, I think we have to treat generations as prototypes, not stereotypes. That means trying to bring

stereotypes. That means trying to bring these groups together. They communicate

fundamentally differently, right? Um one

group is analog first, another group is digital first. We have to get them

digital first. We have to get them talking together. When you prototype

talking together. When you prototype something, you keep what works and you help them iterate on what doesn't cuz I think a big problem right now is Well, how would we fit How do you physically do that? It's one thing to

say, "Let's bring the two generations together." So, as a Gen Xer, does she

together." So, as a Gen Xer, does she invite the Gen Zer to lunch or does she invite I I How How does that actually happen in real life?

I think it's about getting them to talk about norms in a new way.

Because we expect Gen Z to just know these norms that we've all grown up with, but they don't always know what they don't know. So, as we shift from this work as a noun to work as a verb, really giving them space to kind of talk

about what normal looks like to them, what better could look like for all of us.

Okay, so is it important for the people of the older generation, the Gen Xers and the Boomers, and even now the Millennials, y'all are getting older,

to understand that the noun-verb analogy is real for Gen Zers?

I think it's important for everyone to understand. I think it's important for

understand. I think it's important for the Gen Zers to understand that noun-verb analogy so they understand their predecessors and it's under It's important for us to understand them so

that we can have more dialogue.

Okay, so how do you get along when you have expectations for the generation and as Brenda was saying in the beginning, as an educator,

those expe- expectations are just not met. You don't follow the rules. You

met. You don't follow the rules. You

don't show up on time. You don't turn in your papers. You don't So, how how how

your papers. You don't So, how how how how are we going to bridge that divide?

I think we got to name it to tame it.

So, we got to call it out and make sure everyone understands how these each generation see it.

And then, I also think we have to kind of ask all of ourselves the question, do you want to be right or do you want to make change?

Okay.

And I think that's especially important for older generations. I gave a presentation earlier in the week and I had a gentleman come up to me afterwards and say, "Oh, where is the presentation for the Gen Z'ers? Like, this is all

these ideas from the Gen Z'ers for us, but who's telling them what to do?" And

my response to him was, "Do you want to be right or do you want to make change?"

Got it. I like that. Jean, you end your book writing about the future of the economy religion race politics family, and work. What's your hope for future generations, generations,

generations generations?

I would say a couple of things. So,

first, uh I do have a lot of hope for Gen Z remaking the workplace in some ways that are really good, that should have happened decades ago.

Like what?

Um the mental health and wellness piece.

I think especially bringing awareness to that, um bringing awareness to hey, you know, we probably shouldn't be killing ourselves to work. We should have some more of that balance. We do need to

preserve um that mental health and wellness. And maybe we should also cover

wellness. And maybe we should also cover care for mental health just like we cover health care for for physical health to bring those equal. Um the

other thing that gives me hope is a lot of my fellow Gen X moms and others bringing attention to these issues around screens and phones for kids. So,

bringing forward the idea of no phones during the school day bell to bell, which has really started to sweep the country. And then the next avenue after

country. And then the next avenue after that is Even Demetrius is shaking his head.

Yeah. I mean, this is the thing when when when it's instituted even a lot of high school students say, "This is great." Sometimes they're reluctant at

great." Sometimes they're reluctant at first, but then they're talking to each other at lunch. And they're doing all things they're playing cards. They're I

went to one school where they they were bedazzling things together at lunch. So,

I was like, "You got to tell me what that is." It sound sounds really cool,

that is." It sound sounds really cool, but they're interacting face-to-face, developing those social skills, which which need to have.

we have Jonathan Haidt to thank for a lot of that in the anxious generation and also what's happening in what happened in Australia Yes.

with the with the banning of social media for kids under 16. Yeah.

Exactly. Uh and then the next frontier is maybe we should not be handing kindergarteners iPads.

Ain't that the truth. [applause]

iPads as babysitters.

Jean's book is called Generations and Amanda Schneider's book is Work for What's Next. Uh and all three are available now wherever you buy your books. Melanie has a new book now

your books. Melanie has a new book now called The Official We Do Not Care Club Handbook and coloring Oh, there's a coloring book, too.

It's coming. It's coming.

[laughter] I want to have coloring book parties all around the US and we just color and talk and forget what we're talking about and talk about something else.

Thanks to all my guests. I'll see you next time. Go well. Thank you.

next time. Go well. Thank you.

If you are interested in learning more about how all the generations [music] compare, compete, and connect with one another, get a copy of Jean Twenge's book Generations: The Real Differences Between [music] Gen Z, Millennials, Gen

X, Boomers, and Silence and What They Mean for America's Future. Her research

helps us understand how technology [music] is the driving force between generations and explains what we can expect of each other in the future. Scan the QR code right there on your screen [music] to buy the book.

You may be surprised what you learn about the different generations in your own life.

Amanda Schneider's book [music] Work for What's Next: Why Workplace Culture Is Failing and How the Next Generation Can Fix It explains [music] how America's outdated norms in the workplace are holding us back and how to

move past generational stereotypes.

[music] To buy a copy of her book, scan the QR code on your screen now.

Melanie Sanders' New York Times bestseller The Official We Do Not [music] Care Club Handbook: A Hot Mess Guide for Women in Perimenopause, menopause, and beyond who are over

[music] it. It's available now. Scan the

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