How to Start Over Without Burning Your Life Down: The Ultimate Toolkit

If you want the road map for a total life reset, you are in the right place.

If you're feeling behind, heartbroken, stuck, or in some weird in between, this is your reset playbook because starting over isn't just one singular decision.

It's emotional. It's habits. It's

health. It's identity. It's love. We're

doing this episode at the end of the year because this is when life slows down naturally and you can actually have some time to reflect. But even if you're listening to this in January, March, or like a random Tuesday, it all applies.

Starting over doesn't require the new year or January 1st. Give us 60 minutes and we will give you six frameworks that cover both the emotional and the practical side of starting over.

Everything from career, life, love, and habits. You don't need motivation. You

habits. You don't need motivation. You

need a system. You're not behind. You're

in transition. In part one, we talk about the emotional map. William Bridg's

transitions. Carol Dwek's mindset and designing your life. And part two is the toolkit that you can use immediately.

Atomic habits, vulnerability by Bnee Brown and Rewriting Your Narrative by Esther Prell. And we also have many

Esther Prell. And we also have many exercises throughout so you're not just listening, you're doing the work with us. A quick note, we actually released

us. A quick note, we actually released these episodes 4 months ago and 7 months ago. We still use the frameworks and

ago. We still use the frameworks and reflect on them. So whether you're starting over in your career, in love after a breakup, after a layoff, or you just want to reinvent yourself, this is

the ultimate road map. Rewrite the story that no longer serves you. Let's get

into it.

Today's episode is presented by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app that allows you to bank, borrow, and invest your money in one place. and we're back. So,

one of the reasons why we want to talk about this topic is because transitions happen all the time. Especially when

you're in your early 20s and 30s, I would say when you're coming out of school, so much of my identity, both professional and personal, was built around my career, for better or for worse. And when something big happens,

worse. And when something big happens, like a transition, I didn't really have the tools to handle it. So, I'm so glad we're talking about this in this episode. The first framework that we're

episode. The first framework that we're going to be talking about is William Bridg's transition framework. So William

Bridges in his book transitions says that change is actually external. So

that's something like changing jobs while transition is actually an internal process. So William Bridges actually

process. So William Bridges actually outlines three stages. There's ending,

neutral zone, and new beginnings. I

really love this framework and especially how it names and like titles each of the stages. So often people, including me, will rush to the new beginning and not even process what just

happened. Whether it's a career change,

happened. Whether it's a career change, whether it's a change in relationship or a friendship. I think for me, since I'm

a friendship. I think for me, since I'm such like a go go go type a person, I'm like, "Okay, how do I execute and just do the next thing?" Because honestly, that's what keeps me from processing

like a lot of the like hurtful or bad or sad emotions. But so much of it is

sad emotions. But so much of it is staying in the neutral zone, reflecting before starting in the new beginning.

One thing we wanted to do throughout this episode in every section as we talk about each framework is actually give kind of personal anecdotes as like a version of like case studies kind of like how we did in our earlier episodes

where for the case studies we talked about different companies or brands.

This time we're going to talk like use ourselves as a case studies. So for me, for example, I've shared before that at age 35, I ended my engagement after an

eight-year long relationship. Um, so

that obviously was the ending part of this framework. And as I moved into the

this framework. And as I moved into the neutral zone, I felt like really lost in a lot of ways because it wasn't just the ending of a relationship. It was like

the ending of the entire sort of conception of my life and like all of the next steps of my life where obviously I was going to get married, we were going to have kids, we were going

to, you know, live happily ever after together. But only by actually being in

together. But only by actually being in and like slowly working through the mire of the neutral zone was I finally able to emerge out to the the new beginning,

which is like now like this is my new beginning. This is so so different than

beginning. This is so so different than anything I've ever done before. But I

don't think I ever would have been able to arrive here had I not gone through the process of like being sort of like feeling stuck in the neutral zone and like trying all these new different

things which we'll talk about in the later frameworks and just like really being in it for sort of like quite a what felt like quite a while. It felt

like a long time to me because I'm also a really I think inherently impatient person. But I think that's why the

person. But I think that's why the neutral zone is so difficult >> because sometimes it can feel like when you're in the neutral zone, not a lot is

happening daytoday because like you know in my neutral zone I'm like journaling.

I'm going to the gym things feel slow but when that compounds over time when you're like super reflective I'm like oh something worked something happened.

Yeah.

>> You know.

>> Yeah. And okay, not not to forget that I also right before ending my engagement had just left my job at Snapchat as head of product. And that was after working

of product. And that was after working at Snap for over seven for seven years and having worked in corporate for pretty much my entire professional life.

So it was like a big it was like multiple like huge transitions and changes at the same time.

>> That's really scary. Yeah, it was scary, guys. It was scary.

guys. It was scary.

>> And then I moved in.

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> And we became roommates and we started this new venture together.

>> Yeah. Yeah. New beginnings.

>> And we also want to give you another example of someone you might have heard of, Steve Jobs. The Steve Jobs story is pretty infamous. He was ousted by the

pretty infamous. He was ousted by the board at Apple. He basically lost control of his company. He was kicked out and that was technically his ending.

As the lore goes, he then spent years in the creative wilderness where it was the neutral zone. He was reflecting and

neutral zone. He was reflecting and figuring out his next moves. And then he triumphantly returned to Apple, which was his new beginning. It just

underscores how the neutral zone can be a place for fresh ideas and for setting you up for your next starting over point. We also wanted to in this episode

point. We also wanted to in this episode give many exercises so that you could actually practice the framework IRL. So,

the one for transitions is to jot down one area of your life that you feel like there is an impending ending or is like actually ending or has just ended. And

then write down how you feel about it.

And then next, write down one possibility that could bloom if you actually fully embrace the neutral zone.

And we'd love to learn about what you guys write if you're open to sharing with us in the comments. After you

finish this exercise, we'd love to hear from you in the comments about your new possibilities. And just a reminder, this

possibilities. And just a reminder, this transition framework can apply to so many things. It can apply to career,

many things. It can apply to career, romance, friendship, basically anything.

So, it's a time for reflection. And up

next, we'll talk about Carol Dwek's growth mindset framework. So, I'm really excited to talk about this topic. I read

this book a long time ago, and Carol Dwek is actually a professor at Stanford, so I hold this very close to my heart. In Carol Dwek's book, she

my heart. In Carol Dwek's book, she talks about two different types of mindset. a fixed mindset or a growth

mindset. a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. And a fixed mindset is

mindset. And a fixed mindset is basically believing within yourself either I'm good at something or I'm not.

A growth mindset is that I can learn something and with enough effort and perseverance I can figure it out. And I

think what's really important to distinguish is that some people ironically are like, oh, like I'm not a growth mindset person or I am a growth mindset person. That actually goes

mindset person. That actually goes against the entire concept of growth mindset because you're not one person or another. It's just a mindset. So

another. It's just a mindset. So

anybody, even if you previously had a fixed mindset, you can adopt a growth mindset going forward.

>> A growth mindset to adopt a growth mindset.

>> Yes. Exactly. But that's just something that I want to emphasize because like sometimes people are so like, you know, like sort of like been in their ways for so long. They've been in that fixed

so long. They've been in that fixed mindset for such a long time that they almost couldn't imagine themselves being a growth mindset person. But it's just a mindset shift. It's not inherent to your

mindset shift. It's not inherent to your being. You know what I mean? People with

being. You know what I mean? People with

growth mindset are able to push through obstacles, whereas people with a more fixed mindset, when they're faced with obstacles, they're like, "Oh god, this is just another reason why, you know,

XYZ can't happen." Like it feels like they're very stuck. And instead of seeing an obstacle as something that you can like go around or figure out, it's

just an obstacle in their way.

>> And so I felt a huge need to develop a growth mindset. although I didn't have

growth mindset. although I didn't have this terminology for it in college and I especially felt this when I was studying computer science >> and because I was able to, you know,

major in computer science, really tough it out and seek all the resources and study and work my ass off for it. I'm

just like I was able to do that. I feel

like I'm able to do anything now.

>> And it's like given me a growth mindset that like I can do hard things. And it

actually kind of even more than that.

I'm like I did that was like the hardest thing of my life doing like you know all-nighters and studying it like it was a grueling major for me and I'm so happy I did it and I enjoyed it along the way but I'm like if I can do that I can

basically do anything.

>> And that is just like where my growth mindset is like rooted so deeply in my body that I'm like any challenge I can figure it out.

>> Yeah. You know I so relate to that. I

think that having a growth mindset is actually one of my like self-identified most defining factors actually because I feel like if I hadn't had a growth

mindset, I never would have taken the path that I did because even honestly my first job out of school working at Goldman, I took that job like not even

really knowing how to use Excel. I swear

to God I I swear I did not know how to use Excel except for like we used it a few times in these statistics class like statistics and econometrics classes that I had to take. But that's different like than >> it's different than creating like a DCF

model or something.

>> It's actually it's different from actually using Excel in like a workplace setting where you have to do it as fast as you can and as accurately as you can.

So like I sort of like threw myself into the deep end and like threw myself to the wolves in a way and I was able to eventually like learn like to be clear I was never became like an Excel wiz. I

was never even in the top 50% of people who were like good at using Excel at work, especially as an analyst, but I was able to still be a very good top

performing analyst. And because I was

performing analyst. And because I was able to like do that, that's how I even had the courage to be like, hey, yeah, like I'll be a product manager. Like

there are a lot like lot of things I don't know about product management.

Well, I don't know anything about product management actually, but I feel like I have the inherent skill to be able to learn things quickly and work

hard and try my best and like all these these other things so that like I will learn how to be an excellent product manager just like I learned how to be an excellent, you know, financial analyst at Goldman Sachs. And then like same

thing for like everything in our lives, even what we're doing now. Like I've

never been in front of the camera before. I've never like talked about my

before. I've never like talked about my personal life and my experiences or like shared my learnings with people before, but I'm like, "Yeah, I can do it." Like,

I don't know. I don't know. I hope I'm hope I'm doing a good job with, you know, up to you guys.

>> Leave nice comments for Jean. We She We read every single one of them. If you

like Jean being on camera, she's vulnerable. She's taking, you know, a

vulnerable. She's taking, you know, a lot of courage to be here. We love that.

We love I'm still new to this, guys, but but I was just like, "Sure, I'll do it."

Like, I'll just throw myself into it and I think it'll be fun and I'll be developing a new a new skill and like a new side of me and it's been really fun and I'm

>> it's very rewarding. So, I think all of that like my entire career can be sort of chocked up to the fact that I had a growth mindset that any of this stuff even happened.

>> Yeah. And also what we're working on now with Sisters Matcha, our matcha brand that we started like last July, August, like we have only worked in like digital

products for our professional careers, right? So like we are product managers

right? So like we are product managers at tech companies, but now we have a CPG company, a consumer packaged good. It's

like a physical thing that we're selling and it's also a consumable, which is so different from >> so wild guys. wild to me >> and also so fun.

>> It's so fun. Yeah.

>> If you if what we're saying kind of resonates with you and you're like you like challenges and you like learning, then like a growth mindset is a great thing to adopt so that you continuously

learn more and also learn faster. Like

in this last year, we're doing completely new things and I'm having the time of my life. It is so fun and it's so scary too. Like on the other side of it, it's just like, holy crap, I'm doing

things I've never done before. I don't

know if I'm doing it right.

>> I don't know if I'm doing like a good job of it.

>> We don't know anyone in the industry to like help us. Like, we're kind of just like figuring it out. Like, you know how people are saying you're like building the airplane and flying it as you go.

It's kind of what we're doing.

>> But also like I like it. In addition to like not knowing, I'm also trying my hardest and because I believe in it and love it so much that like I can try my hardest and give 120% with no regrets.

You know what I mean? Cuz we're working for ourselves. I wouldn't give 120% if I

for ourselves. I wouldn't give 120% if I were working for the man. But you know what I mean? Like I just wouldn't care as much. So I guess with the growth

as much. So I guess with the growth mindset, it's just like fulfilling so much of what I care about. And I'm so excited to have a growth mindset, too.

Um yeah. And I guess the last thing I'll say on a more personal note when I am looking for a partner and like in dating someone romantically.

>> Oh. Oh.

>> I >> we do say our podcast is about money, power, and love.

>> Yes. And so this is the love component.

I will only be with a person if they have a growth mindset.

>> Like they because a growth mindset is important for work. That's kind of what we're talking about. But it's also so important for relationships instead of someone being like this is who like if we fight or get into an argument like

this is who I am blah blah blah like don't try to change me like I'm not trying to change anyone but we should be able to grow together if we're like going to be a pair. We need to be able to move in the same direction and that

can mean both of us being flexible and growing and learning together. I totally

agree because aside from the aspect of where you're I don't know like if you're in an argument or something with someone who has a fixed versus growth mindset, I think it's just like your everyday interactions with someone. I feel like

it's almost kind of like a person who's a default no versus a person who's like default yes.

>> Yeah.

>> Right. Like or even just like a default maybe. Like you know what I mean? Just

maybe. Like you know what I mean? Just

like not a hard no.

>> Yeah.

>> Which is just more fun to live that way.

>> Yeah. Like I recently Should I tell a personal story?

>> Oh my god, I'm scared. I'm like

terrified. I don't know what's gonna come out of your mouth.

>> Okay, if it's not good, we can cut it.

But no, this is just random. I recently

was supposed to go to this Broadway rave with my girlfriend who loves Broadway, like obsessed with Broadway. And we like found this Broadway rave. So we were

like, lol, like this is hilarious. And

then my other friend was supposed to come. She couldn't come at the last

come. She couldn't come at the last minute. So I was going to go from a date

minute. So I was going to go from a date to this Broadway rave, but since we had this extra ticket, I just asked my date.

I was like, "Hey, like do you want to come to this Broadway rave with me?" And

like this is not a person who I think has like ever like not a Broadway person, not a theater person at all. And

he was just like, "Yeah, sure. Yeah,

that'll be fun." And then he went and he had like the time of his life. And

>> is that growth mindset or does he just like you >> or does he just want to spend more time with you?

>> I thought it was growth mindset.

>> Well, I'm glad you >> maybe it's a combination.

>> It's a combination of both. And

>> wow, my Long Island accent is coming out for some reason because I'm embarrassed.

>> It's a combination. Um, and I'm glad you told that story cuz that was a safe story. I didn't know. I really didn't

story. I didn't know. I really didn't know.

>> What kind of stories did you think I was going to tell? We won't go there.

>> Should we keep it in? Should we Should we keep this in?

>> That's for subscribers only.

>> Just kidding. We don't have a subscription service. But anyway,

subscription service. But anyway, >> should we >> I I wanted to say on the love part, another personal anecdote um is that I

have um a two friends who are married and um they were telling me more about their relationship and a mantra that like they share is they ask each other

after a long day, they both work, they ask each other like how can I love you better?

>> Whoa.

>> Yes. Yes.

>> Who day? Tell me later. beep and beep.

Um, and they're like, you know, happily married, recently married, but like that's something that's been a fixture of their relationship is that they ask each other that. And I love the story or

just even that mantra because like I aspire to have a relationship like that where it's so rooted in growth and like how can I be better? Not that I'm doing anything wrong, but I just want to like

continually grow and be better and like love you better. I think that's a very beautiful thing.

>> It's so intentional. It is. I want that.

I want that for me.

>> She's Yeah. She wants the book. She

wants the, you know, >> you know.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> How can I love you better every day? How

can I love you better every day?

>> Um, >> don't answer that.

>> Okay. Okay. And before we move on to the next framework, just a really quick mini exercise for you guys to do is one, identify a limiting belief that you have

and then two, rewrite it with a growth mindset approach. So, an example of

mindset approach. So, an example of this, we talked about it in one of our previous episodes, but I learned this at Stanford and it's basically manifestation but better. Um, one of our

one of my professors, Joel Peterson, he has these mantras and they were based off of his previous limiting beliefs.

So, for example, one of his limiting beliefs is that he thought he was a very emotional person, like he let his emotions get the best of him sometimes.

So, he turned that around and instead of having his emotions control him, his new mantra or what he, you know, how he talks to himself is he says, "I am not

my emotions." So, that's just one very

my emotions." So, that's just one very quick example of a limiting belief that you might have and one way to turn it on its head.

>> Now, try the exercise on your own and let us know in the comments what you write down. I feel like a teacher. The

write down. I feel like a teacher. The

last framework we're going to talk about today is a concept popularized by Stamford called design thinking. This

framework called designing your life helps you cut wasted time by allowing you to quickly test your ideas. They

have a book and also a class at Stanford where they teach this to students. I

didn't get the chance to take the class at Stanford but many of my friends did.

And the four parts of this framework are as follows. The first is curiosity. The

as follows. The first is curiosity. The

second is prototyping experiences. The

third is reframing problems. And the fourth is radical collaboration. H. So

this framework emphasizes action and taking small experiments over like endless thought exercises and pondering.

So one way I applied this framework in my own life is that after I finally left Snap after working there for seven years, I wanted to try out a bunch of different things that basically I'd never done in my life. Like I was kind

of trying to figure out what I want to do next before I decided to start this company with Sheree Sisters Worldwide.

And um one thing that I have always loved is fashion. And like basically at every point in my life where I could um do like take on a job or like a new

career before aside from the job that I actually ended up doing, I looked at many different like roles in fashion. So

finally I had this opportunity to like work in fashion. So, what I ended up doing is I took this unpaid internship where I worked at a place called the

Albbright Fashion Library in LA in LA where I actually worked as a stylist.

And it was like the one of the most fun and like fulfilling things I've ever done. And it's not like it was like

done. And it's not like it was like particularly glamorous. Like I feel

particularly glamorous. Like I feel like, you know, 20% of the time my job was to like rearrange the like massive shoe closet. So, like it's not like I

shoe closet. So, like it's not like I was, you know, like doing like a super highpowered like job at, you know, a Parisian couture house or something like

that, but it was just so fun to be able to like be in the industry and finally test out this hypothesis that I had had for like 20some years of like, do I

actually want to work in the fashion industry or do I just want to be, you know, like a participant through sort of like consumption and enjoying it. So

that was something where yeah like I basically like invented this internship for myself where I worked there one day a week for the whole day. It shows to me

how actionoriented you are and kind of to tie together this uh framework with the first framework that we talked about with transitions. I think it's really

with transitions. I think it's really important that after doing some reflection and you know you were in the neutral zone, figuring out what you want to do next, you were able to test out

this new beginning with an internship.

It was like a mini test to see if you liked it or not. Um, and to see, you know, what your next moves would be after you gather information from the external world. So, I think it's so cool

external world. So, I think it's so cool that you were able to, >> you know, um, reflect and then figure out your next moves.

>> Yeah. and then also like create this opportunity for myself.

>> A lot of people in general I think feel very paralyzed. I know I often do if

very paralyzed. I know I often do if like I'm stuck and I'm like I don't know what to do next. So that like having this design thinking framework allows

you to break out of the paralysis and be like let me at least test something and try something because I know with a growth mindset I will learn something no

matter if it goes well or not. I might

fail and that's fine, but that means I'm learning.

>> Yeah. I love how you tied those mindsets together. That's very nice.

together. That's very nice.

>> Thank you.

>> Well done.

Brava. Okay, so now it's time for the mini exercise. So the mini exercise for

mini exercise. So the mini exercise for this is to think about an area that you want to pivot and then next brainstorm two experiments you can do. They can be

like really really tiny experiments.

They don't have to be massive, but think about two experiments that you can do to actually test out the pivot. And if you want, you can share your pivot or you can share your experiment in the

comments so that you can have some social accountability. We'll be reading

social accountability. We'll be reading them.

>> Yeah. And if you leave a comment about it, I we will read them and respond to them.

>> Oo, yeah. So, should we wrap up, Sheree?

>> Yes, we should. To wrap up, we talked about three frameworks today. one, the

William Bridges transition framework.

Two, Carol Dwek's growth mindset framework. And three, Bill Bernett and

framework. And three, Bill Bernett and Dave Evans design your life framework.

>> So, you can think about these individually or you can try and combine them. But we hope this was really

them. But we hope this was really helpful for you guys. Yeah. And if you found this helpful, help us reach 1 million by sharing this with your friends. And also obviously like,

friends. And also obviously like, comment, and subscribe. and rate us five stars on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

It's a long list, but you know, you can do all of them. We believe in you. Thank

you guys so much for supporting our podcast and for tuning in. We'll see you next time.

>> Bye >> bye.

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Okay, pause. That was the emotional map of starting over. And like we mentioned before, if you're in it right now, you are not crazy if it feels so slow to you. Because the neutral zone, like we

you. Because the neutral zone, like we were talking about before, is where things actually build. Now, we're

switching to the daily operating system.

This is what really moves you forward when you're in the thick of it. Atomic

habits, vulnerability, and rewriting your narrative. This is the toolkit.

your narrative. This is the toolkit.

Welcome back. So, the first topic we're going to go over is James Clear's Atomic Habits and why it's relevant for starting over. I'm so excited to talk

starting over. I'm so excited to talk about this. I read this book a few years

about this. I read this book a few years ago, and it's still something that I think about every single week. Experts

say that 90% of people who start a new habit end up quitting at day 10. And

we're going to show you how to be that successful 10% that sticks with it.

Yeah. Because when reinventing yourself, huge goals can be kind of paralyzing.

And so the good thing about atomic habits is that essentially it breaks things down into mini goals that you can actually achieve so that you can be that 10% that actually keeps your goals as

opposed to the 90% that fall off. In

James Clear's book, Atomic Habits, he teaches to one, make it obvious, two, make it attractive, three, make it easy, and four, make it satisfying. It being

the habit. Yeah. And I feel like a really big part of his book is the idea or the concept of being like self-identifying yourself with that

habit. So, for example, like being like,

habit. So, for example, like being like, "Yeah, I am a person that goes to the gym three times a week." or like, "Yeah, I'm an active person. That's why I go to the gym three times a week." I think that's like one of his like main

premises right?

>> That's one of the big takeaways. It's

like, how do you make that your identity? Like, I am a healthy person.

identity? Like, I am a healthy person.

What would a healthy person do? They

would eat healthy. They would go to the gym. And when you embrace that identity,

gym. And when you embrace that identity, it makes it harder to break the habit.

You want to keep going.

>> Yeah. So bringing in a personal case study or an example that I bring this into my life is that I have a habit of trying to go to the gym every single day

for 30 days in a row. It's really hard to not break that chain. But something

that I do is that I make it very clear and visual. So I have a calendar that

and visual. So I have a calendar that shows each day that I go to the gym. I

put an X on my calendar and it creates this chain that I can see right in front of me. I don't want to break the chain.

of me. I don't want to break the chain.

And it is very satisfying when I go to the gym, I come back and I make an X on my calendar and I'm like, I feel so relieved that I'm able to keep this

going. So, that's one very clear

going. So, that's one very clear example, James Clear example of how I bring this into my life. And if you guys want to do something similar, Gan and I have a habit tracker that we created for

you. It's a digital downloadable that is

you. It's a digital downloadable that is linked in this video description. It's

free. You can download it. It's a

calendar and it shows all the days of the year so that you can track your habits.

>> Yeah, I think that concept of don't break the chain is pretty like famous and wellknown. It's used by a lot of

and wellknown. It's used by a lot of people. Um, one that I remember is

people. Um, one that I remember is apparently like Jerry Seinfeld. He sort

of forced himself to continue to like write more jokes by doing Don't Break the Chain for like every single day. He

would come up with a new joke and like he would make the X on his calendar to be like, "Okay, I came up with a new joke today. XXX. So that's kind of how

joke today. XXX. So that's kind of how he like got better at his craft.

>> Yeah. And how do you apply atomic habits to your daily life?

>> Yeah. For me, I think it's the example of once I became single again this past year and I started dating, I was like, okay, the first part of that is just

like making myself get out there and like interact with people in the world.

So I kind of took on the identity of being like, okay, I'm a person that says yes to different invitations. So, even

if it's something I would normally maybe not say yes to, I'm going to say yes to it and like try to aim to go to, you know, three things I would normally not

go to like three times a month or something like that. So,

>> like an underground Berlin rave like what do you mean?

>> Sure. Yeah. Like just anything like I need to like kind of, you know, break up the old routine and start doing new things so that I can be like out there in the world to meet people.

>> True. So that actually it worked really well because I remember um this is like back in February, but one of my friends had a Super Bowl party and it was also

kind of a going away party and I wasn't I probably like wouldn't usually go cuz I don't really like watch football, I guess. But then I went and then I ended

guess. But then I went and then I ended up like meeting this guy that was his like childhood friend that I was dating for a while. So I feel like it works and it all stemmed from me being like taking

on the identity of being like, "Yeah, I'm someone who says yes to social invitations even if >> even if maybe in the past I wouldn't have said yes to them."

>> Yeah. And when you go out it opens up more opportunity and serendipity to meet new people. So by having that habit and

new people. So by having that habit and figuring out a way to implement it in your life, it also opened up many new doors.

>> Yeah. And it's something I guess like it's something you can sort of remind yourself of and take on again and again because I will say like in the last month like we've been so busy and just

like traveling so much like we were like in Japan, we were in Asia, we were at VidCon, like we were just kind of like not really, you know, around and just like working all the time that it's

almost like this is a really good reminder for me to sort of like take on that identity again and be like, oh, I'm person that says yes to things so that I'm gonna like go back out there and

like be active and meet people in the world. So, it's like a good reminder for

world. So, it's like a good reminder for me too, even just doing this episode >> for sure because starting over it has such a scary connotation to it. But I

think one takeaway I would like everyone else to go away with is that starting over doesn't have to be such a big monumental thing. There are also little

monumental thing. There are also little ways that you can start over and keep your life moving forward. Yeah,

>> I think often times people wait until the New Year's for the giant like New Year's resolution in January and that's why everyone gets to the gym then and then people fall off. But like I

honestly take, you know, if you can have the beginning of every month being a starting over point or creating checkpoints so it's not just once a year, but giving yourself many opportunities to start a new. I think

that's a really beautiful thing. Yeah.

And I think like maybe this is sort of a controversial take or like a hot take or something, but I think starting over and like or more so the concept of

reinventing yourself is really fun and like what a gift, what like a special like what an opportunity we have that we can sort of continually reinvent ourselves all the time. Um I think

that's something I didn't really realize until >> I I didn't really like realize the power of until recently. Yeah, because change is scary. I think

is scary. I think >> Yeah, >> most people psychologically and myself included do not want change. Like we're

very as humans very adverse to change.

>> Mhm.

>> Right. Like we don't want change averse.

>> Did I say that right? Adverse. Averse.

Averse. We're very change averse. So if

it does happen and it's forced upon us, it can be very uncomfortable. But it can also lead to very beautiful things if you take it in stride. And you also have these frameworks that we're talking about to really put in the right frame

like frameworks in place so you can be successful.

>> Yeah. Well, and you know how like people always say, "Oh, it's not that I feel scared. It's not that I feel nervous.

scared. It's not that I feel nervous.

It's that I actually feel excited."

>> Yeah. You know,

>> that's just a mindset shift.

>> Yeah.

>> So, there are a couple of these things that you can do starting with James Clear's Atomic Habits. And we're going to get into the next topic, which is vulnerability with Bnee Brown.

I've already been pretty vulnerable.

>> Actually, before we move on, let's do our mini exercise.

>> All right, >> which is pick one goal that you have for yourself and then break it down into a bunch of different tiny steps or like very small habits and then figure out a

way to make it like James Clear says, obvious attractive easy and satisfying. And then write it down.

satisfying. And then write it down.

>> Yes. And we'd love to hear from you if you can share with us in the comments what your goal is and how you're going to try and break it down. We read every single comment and we'll try to reply to as many as we can. Yeah. Because we want

to be on this journey together with you.

And what we've seen from research from Duke University is that actually 45% so literally almost half of all of your daily actions are habitual. And so let's build the right habits together. And up

next, we're going to talk about how to harness vulnerability through Bnee Brown's research. Okay, let's start off

Brown's research. Okay, let's start off with a stat, which is that 84% of people admitted that they don't even tell their very closest friends about major life changes because they fear judgment. But

what Bnee Brown has found in her research is that vulnerability between especially between friends is what actually strengthens connections. Um,

okay, Sheree, maybe you can tell us a little bit more about this framework.

So, I think the first thing to note is that it takes a ton of courage to be vulnerable. It's like a super scary

vulnerable. It's like a super scary thing to open up. But what people don't realize is that it can also open up a lot of opportunities as well. So, the

first thing is that if you share what you're going through with people, especially if you share like a new habit you want to build, it can create a lot of momentum for social accountability.

So, you don't have to do it alone. For

example, if I want to get healthy for this year and go to the gym, I can share that goal. they can be my social

that goal. they can be my social accountability buddy in that way.

>> And another way it can open up opportunities is that if you bring vulnerability into your life, this is one very specific example that I've seen is that with recent layoffs that have been going on, people have come onto

LinkedIn to post and to share that they've lost their job, which is a really scary thing to share. And

honestly, I don't know if I would be able to do that because I feel a lot of um nervousness and shame around that, which I don't think other people who are reading it feel. they feel more empathy.

But if you post about that and share more about your life in a vulnerable way, I've also seen people get job opportunities because they've shared about their layoff.

>> Yeah, exactly. I love that you bring that up because shame versus empathy is one of those really main constructs in Berne Brown's book, Daring Greatly. And

when you admit that you're unsure or that you need help, you're really like inviting people in to support you. Um, I

think another example that I can think of for ourselves is just starting on this new venture of Tiger Sisters. Like

that's something that I and you have been very very open about to everyone from the very beginning, which is that we're starting this new venture. It's

based around a podcast. It's content to commerce. These are all things that we

commerce. These are all things that we have never done. We've never like actually worked in media before either of us. We've always worked in tech or

of us. We've always worked in tech or finance. And so like I've gone into a

finance. And so like I've gone into a lot of conversations being like, "Hey, I don't know anything really or like I don't even know what I know. Like I

would love to to learn from you." And I think that that has been really helpful for us because we're coming at it from a position of or from a perspective of being like we're open to learning. And

the first part of that is being like, hey, we admit to not knowing things.

Like yeah, >> we're not experts by any means. And I

think people might view that as a weakness, but I also view that, like we said before, as an invitation for help.

>> And maybe sharing your weaknesses could be a strength as well in that way. if

you feel hesitant about sharing your like quoteunquote weakness or like being vulnerable in that way. I guess one way I don't even actively think about it this way, but I think it's just like

inherent to my approach to it is that I'm like, well, I'm not an expert in this area, but I know I'm an expert in many other areas, right? Like I believe

in my own ability and I know I'm smart and I know I can like learn. I just have a lot of self-belief, but I just have no experience in this area. So, like

there's nothing wrong with being unexperienced, >> you know? Um, so maybe that's like a kind of mindset that you can take on if you want to kind of reveal your

vulnerability to people to be like, yeah, like I am not an expert in this area. I'm an expert in other areas.

area. I'm an expert in other areas.

>> Well, it's just it's good to >> It's like when a recruiter asks you what your greatest weakness is and you're like, my greatest weakness is that I can learn anything. My greatest weakness is

learn anything. My greatest weakness is I don't know everything, but I can learn anything.

>> Is that what I sound like?

>> It's just funny. I mean, but it and I think it's just very naturally how you feel and a very positive outlook because you have a lot of self-belief. My

greatest weakness is I have too much self.

>> You know, it's like when you're trying to make a weakness sound like a strength in an interview.

>> No, that's when you're always like, "My greatest weakness is that I'm a perfectionist."

perfectionist." >> Yeah. Don't say that. If you're doing an

>> Yeah. Don't say that. If you're doing an interview, do not say that because recruiters will see right through it.

>> Yeah. And now that I'm older, I'm like, "Wow, that really is a weakness."

>> Actually, it's come it's come around full circle. Maybe you can say that

full circle. Maybe you can say that again now. Maybe people should say that

again now. Maybe people should say that again now.

>> I mean, that actually is my weakness.

I'm not even I'm not even bullshitting.

You know, that's my weakness. We talked

about it before. It is.

>> It takes me like 10 times longer to write an email than Sheree.

>> Shere's like, "Hey, can you do this?

Bye." Yeah, my emails are very short and I don't spend more than like if it's a really important one I'll spend a lot of time, but if it's like one I'm just like it could be a few sentences and then you sign off and you don't think about it.

>> Like good morning to you today.

>> She writes like a Shakespeareian sonnet that she reads 15 times over and I'm like girl just send the email out. Just

send it. It It's not It's not that deep.

>> I'm like top of the mourn.

>> Yeah.

>> Okay, >> we digress.

>> We digress. Okay, we do have a mini exercise for you.

>> Oh yeah. for this section.

So, if you can think of one vulnerable moment, we would love for you guys to share that with a trusted friend. We

have studies that show that 90% of people who opened up to others feel less lonely. But most importantly, they feel

lonely. But most importantly, they feel even more motivated to move forward because they've shared something with their friend and they have more social accountability in that way. After you've

shared with your friend, observe how this impacts your mindset and tell us in the comments.

Harvard Business Review actually found that leaders who practice vulnerability such as admitting to a mistake or asking for feedback are 20% more likely to

foster high performing teams. So like however that you know is defined. They

did this whole study about it. So it's

not just in your like personal life that where it's it's um fruitful and actually effective to practice vulnerability.

It's also can be applied in your career and your work life strategically. Okay,

we're gonna take a really quick break and then when we return, we move on to Esther Pel's idea of rewriting your story. Hey, it's Sheree. If you've been

story. Hey, it's Sheree. If you've been enjoying Tiger Sisters, hit subscribe on Spotify and YouTube. And please leave us a five-star review. It takes just a few seconds, but it has a huge impact on

helping Tiger Sisters survive and grow.

Thank you so much. And now back to the episode. I'm really excited to talk

episode. I'm really excited to talk about this because I think reinvention should be part of everyone's life. And

we talked a little bit about this before, but if you think about the major celebrities out there like Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, Leonardo DiCaprio, I think all of these

not the Leonardo DiCaprio, >> Miley Cyrus, >> Miley Cyrus, you don't like Leonardo DiCaprio.

>> Just I don't know where you're going with Leonardo DiCaprio.

>> I feel like he constantly reinvents himself in the roles that he takes. Oh,

I thought you were like, first he's someone who dated a 27y old, then he's someone who dated a 24y old.

>> No, I mean, and Christian Bale, I don't know. I just like feel like when you

know. I just like feel like when you look at celebrities and the longevity of their careers, the ones that have staying power are the people who can reinvent themselves constantly.

>> Um, like Miley Cyrus.

>> Like Miley Cyrus. I love that. Go girl.

Go girl.

>> She's incredible.

>> Yeah. I mean, if Leonardo DiCaprio were to reinvent himself and date someone a little bit older, I think that might also >> have some staying power, too. Yeah. In

the media. Um, but alas, but I think this is just so fun because we can talk about reinventing ourselves at any point in our lives.

>> And the concept um from Esther Prell is not just reinventing yourself, but it's specifically the idea of rewriting your story, right? Rewriting your narrative.

story, right? Rewriting your narrative.

>> Exactly. In Esther Pearll's book, Mating in Captivity, she specifically talks about this concept in the sort of framework of romantic relationships. So,

basically, she says, you know, you can rewrite your story because if you're not the same person now that you were in your 20s, why do you have to be the same person romantically?

>> Mhm. Often times, we forget, I forget that we outgrow different patterns from earlier in our lives. And that could be dating, that could be friendship and outgrowing relationships and

friendships. That's very much a thing

friendships. That's very much a thing that I have to keep top of mind because it can feel super painful when it happens. But that's part of growth in it

happens. But that's part of growth in it of itself. And in her book, Esther Prell

of itself. And in her book, Esther Prell says that you can reframe your identity as someone who fails in relationships or friendships to someone who learns from

past mistakes and actively builds healthier dynamics. And I feel like this

healthier dynamics. And I feel like this mindset shift is gamechanging because honestly, relationships fail because you're dating, but like at the end game, you're only supposed to marry one

person. You know what I mean? So like

person. You know what I mean? So like

they're supposed to fail up until you find the one.

>> So I think that's like just a reframe of it all, right? Like they're meant to You're supposed to date many, many people.

>> So you're saying we should romantically fail upwards.

>> Yes. Exactly. Fail. Take a page out of the book of every man you've ever worked with.

>> Oh my god.

>> And fail upwards romantically.

>> Yeah. I mean, I I think that I realized this or maybe I like internalized this very recently.

>> Yeah.

>> Like not you're not supposed to keep all your relationships, >> right?

>> You can only keep one at the end.

They're all supposed to fail except for one.

>> Yeah. And this actually reminded me of the um James Clear framework because she's saying like reframe yourself as you know someone who learns from relationships and sets up new healthier

ones. That's the same idea of taking on

ones. That's the same idea of taking on the identity. Yeah. Internalizing.

the identity. Yeah. Internalizing.

>> I am someone who learns from past relationships and forms healthier ones.

>> Exactly.

>> Wow. Putting together all the frameworks connecting the dots live. Do we're doing it live.

>> You're here with us.

>> You're doing it live.

>> Okay. I feel like one example I could sort of uniquely give is that I've mentioned before I ended an 8-year long relationship and engagement um this past

year when I was 35. So I guess like one way you could look at yourself is to be like oh my god like I'm someone who breaks engagements and has like a failed

like fails in broke one. So I feel like if you've broken multiple Allah runaway bride you might take that identity.

don't be so hard on yourself.

>> Or like you could be like, you know, you could think of yourself, one could think of themselves as like, oh, I'm someone who fails in relationships. Or maybe you can think of yourself, by you, I mean

me.

You can think of yourself as like, wow, I'm someone who is brave enough and, you know,

I guess sure enough of herself to end a eight-yearong relationship, even when it seems like from the outside seems to be perfect on paper seems to be so great

and like you've already invested so much into it. I'm someone who's brave enough

into it. I'm someone who's brave enough to um step away from that in search of something that is actually better for me. Like when this is actually something

me. Like when this is actually something that no longer works.

>> It takes a lot of courage. It takes a lot of courage. You You are someone who is courageous. That's a very courageous

is courageous. That's a very courageous thing to do.

>> Yeah. Yeah. I just came up with that just now, guys. I was not just came up with that just now. But

yeah, >> you feel that? Do you feel that in your bones or is it hard to internalize that?

I mean, it's not something honestly like it's not something that I've ever said out loud. Like this is the first time

out loud. Like this is the first time I've ever really said that out loud. But

it is something that other people have said to me. Like when I have told people, you know, oh yeah, like I broke my engagement, like we were together for eight years, blah blah blah, they're

like, wow, like you are so brave. Like

you're so courageous. And not in a way where they're like, >> "You're so brave for posting that without makeup. You're so brave to wear.

without makeup. You're so brave to wear.

>> You're so brave for wearing that bathing suit, >> that outfit. I could never wear that."

But you're so brave.

>> But no, I like when people say it to me, like I can tell that they really mean it because it is something that is so scary. Like it's so it's it's kind of

scary. Like it's so it's it's kind of incomprehensible. And even to myself,

incomprehensible. And even to myself, like even to me two years ago, three years ago, like a year and a half ago, it would have been incomprehensible.

>> But like we said earlier, that was a different person.

>> Like that's that was a different person.

>> I was a different person. That was like the old me. Now this is the new me. I'm

reinvented, >> What you going to say about >> What you going to do about it? What you

going to do about that?

>> Yeah. This is your reinvention era in so many ways.

>> Yeah.

>> And it's you guys are a part of it. It's

live. It's happening. Um I think an interesting like exercise people could do. This is not the official mini

do. This is not the official mini exercise. This is the side mini exercise

exercise. This is the side mini exercise I just side quest I just came up with.

>> If you guys are inspired to do so, >> is that like maybe you can sort of go through that same exercise I just did.

And if there's something that you're still, I guess, like processing or like a part of you that is starting over is to like think of what other people say

to you when you tell them about your change or your like reinvention or your new narrative and then start to like say like say that out loud about yourself

for the first time like I just did it.

It's kind of wild. Like I've never said that about myself to be like, "Yeah, and I'm really courageous and brave for choosing to do what I did as opposed to, you know, staying in a relationship that

seemed that seemed perfect in so many ways."

It's weird. It's weird to like I think it's good though to like say it out loud and like take on the identity and like experience how other people are viewing you.

>> Yeah. Because in some ways I feel like people can see you more clearly than you can see yourself.

>> Not the situation but just like your perception of yourself >> and people are able to and at least the ones who are able to share that with you >> um that you really respect or like wait

I respect you and you respect me now and like wait now I can understand what you see.

>> It's a crazy thing.

>> Yeah. That's the off the books mini exercise.

>> Bonus mini exercise.

>> Bonus mini exercise.

>> Great. We'll give that to you for free.

So, the official exercise, if you'd like to try another one, is to write down the old story that no longer serves you. Put

it down on paper and rewrite it in a way that reflects your growth and your future aspirations. What is your new

future aspirations. What is your new story, your new narrative that you're going to tell yourself? Share that story with a friend or with us in the comments

if you're open to getting feedback and having Gene and I read that. Um, so

yeah, we'd love to see what you guys come up with. Okay, so just to recap, in today's episode, we covered James Clear's Atomic Habits, Bnee Brown's concepts of vulnerability, and Esther

Prell's ideas around rewriting your narrative. And I think putting the three

narrative. And I think putting the three together, this is like the perfect toolkit for starting over, whether you're 29, 36, or any age. Thank you

guys so much for tuning in for this episode. Please remember to like,

episode. Please remember to like, comment, and subscribe. It is super important if you follow and subscribe us because then you'll get notified when our next episode drops.

>> Yeah. And I also really want to hear what you guys have to say in the comments, especially because um I spoke so much about my own experience this time. So like I want to hear you guys

time. So like I want to hear you guys talk about your >> she's being vulnerable. If you like that Jean's being vulnerable and opening up about her life and I'm opening up about mine, please give her some support in the comments.

>> We read every single >> part of our community. We want to know you guys are out there and also the conversations I think are really rich and a lot of other people are reading other comments as well and feeling very

encouraged by your story.

>> Thanks guys. See you next time.

>> Bye.

>> That's part two. We are so proud of those two episodes and now you guys have both the emotional map and the practical toolkit. Okay, we know that's a lot. So

toolkit. Okay, we know that's a lot. So

don't try to do all of those six frameworks at once. Just pick one and do that exercise today. And if you really want some structure from us, do this.

Day one, transition. Day two, growth mindset. Day three, prototype. Day four,

mindset. Day three, prototype. Day four,

habits. Day five, vulnerability. Day

six, rewrite your story. And day seven, reflect. And also, don't keep this to

reflect. And also, don't keep this to yourself. We're not gatekeeping. If you

yourself. We're not gatekeeping. If you

know someone who's in a new season of change, send this episode to them. Also,

please tell us in the comments what aspect in your life you're starting over in. It could be big, it could be small,

in. It could be big, it could be small, it could be something totally trivial.

We really, really want to hear from you guys. We read all the comments and we're

guys. We read all the comments and we're in it with you. If you guys have a second, please like and subscribe. It's

so important that you guys subscribe and if you have 5 seconds, please rate us five stars because this really helps with the survival and growth of Tiger Sisters podcast. We'll see you guys next

Sisters podcast. We'll see you guys next week. will be here with you every single

week. will be here with you every single week. Bye

week. Bye >> bye.