How to Talk to ANYBODY by Best Selling Author

and they'll say oh meeting new people or going to a new event makes me nervous well it's not strictly true you make yourself nervous by choosing how you react to the situation if you want to be

better at sales as a a real estate agent or running a business just become well Derek thank you for coming on today I I love having a bestselling

author on the channel so I appreciate you taking the time your book I wish I'd have found this look at that the lights the glare um I wish I'd found this years ago but I found it fairly recently I

read it um I think for my viewership what you put in this book is critical so thank you for taking the time to come on today my pleasure Jo thank you for inviting me that may be the prettiest

setting background that we've ever had on this channel don't be fooled though Joel I'm I'm in Scotland it's sunny today but we do have a lot of rain so you caught it a good day today oh very

good um well now you've had about five books published right that's correct yeah what what led you down this path to

write this book did you have a a childhood where you were really shy uh you just saw there was a need for this uh what was the uh what got you started yeah it's a very very good question my

my first book actually was the sales book I wrote which I wrote during lockdown I just decided one day that I was going to write a book and that came about on the back of i' been at a public speaking club and of course I was saying

to people things that I thought everybody knew that were common sense and I said of course everybody knows this and they said well they don't actually Derek and I thought oh maybe I should write about this so I wrote the

sales book that went very well then did the body language book and then I was doing lots of coaching for clients and I realized the big issue was with communication particularly in it's more

of a business slant that book it's easy to read it's not written like a typical Business book it's meant to be easy to read but it was more the particular on the sales side and also when you're managing people or you're trying to

close a cell you're trying to describe something you're trying to engage people most people just didn't really have a clue how to do this and I'd read a couple of other books and I thought you know what I could combine my expertise

and how the mind works because I did a diploma in clinical hypnotherapy and NLP I don't really see myself as a therapist but I was interested in the linguistic part of it and how people are wired and

what makes them tick so I thought well I can combine that with and that's in the first half of the book together with the the second part which is more of step by step if you like something people can follow but the real secrets

and understanding how people are wired and that's why there's such a big component of that in the first part because if you understand that then you can use your own abilities and develop

new techniques yourself because paint by number is quite difficult Joe you know if I say somebody well I haven't got a chapter on that particular bit but once you know how people are wired you can adapt that's the key yeah you know um

most of our followers real estate entrepreneurs are some kind and it's all in real estate mostly is based on relationships and beginning a

relationship is the hardest and you know we do all these networking events we do you know obviously cold calling um it's hard to to Really begin those relationships and when I was reading in

your book if i' had have known it before it would have made life a little bit easier but um you know we want to we want to build relationships that's that's everything that drives this

industry um getting to know people and it's very hard because we do a lot of these events and you walk into a room and honestly

I'm I'm from a very small town in Nebraska 281 people population and I went to the university Nebraska and I was so shy I mean when I had to go talk

to people my stomach would turn and sometimes still this day I get that feeling of that kid from Nebraska and I go in and meet some of these people in our industry I'm like oh my God um it's

very hard for me how do we how do we overcome that how do we get over that feeling of um that shyness what what steps can we take yeah sure well you see

when people when people are shy or they get nervous and they'll say oh meeting new people or going to a new event makes me nervous well that's not strictly true you make yourself nervous by choosing

how you react to the situation and also if you think about it we don't get nervous when we speak to our friends or our family in fact many of us can't stop talking we meet our friends if we go down the bar we don't

sit there and get nervous so what is it that causes this well it's it's the internal thought process that people think what happens if I make a fool of myself or what happens if I can't think

of something to say or I say the wrong thing but actually it's quite easy to do once you've got a method and you understand how people are wired because if you want to be me I've had

conversation with people Jo about topics where I know nothing about the topic and at the end of it they saidou such a good conversationalist I haven't said anything all I've done is asked them

questions so all you do is if you want to be seen as being interesting be more interested and the first step involves

it it's very simple there's two methods to do this you can either do get yourself in the right State and develop a genuine desire to get to know that person now I've always had this

curiosity and it doesn't matter who I'm speaking to whether the people that were digging the road behind me and the the behind the window there I've always had the attitude that I can learn from

people and nobody has a monopoly on knowledge right so once you have that that makes it easier because what happens is your voice then becomes congruent your body language becomes congruent for people who find that

harder the easy way is just to show a genuine interest in somebody and find out about them who doesn't like somebody who's interested in them MH but what

happens Joe is most people can't wait to talk about them themselves yeah they'll say how are you Joe and and then you start talking say well enough about you let's talk about

me and of course that's that once in a while and of course that's not the way it works but when we were at a networking event and we've all been there my background was asset management

and I used to have to go to lots of these events and it can be quite tricky but what you do is instead of coming up if I come up to you and said hey Joe I like your jacket it's a little bit creepy you know it's a it's a comment

about a personal item so what I do is I talk about situation occasion or location and we talk about that in the book and there's some examples in that as well so we may talk about very

interesting one for example if you're walking down the street in Edinburgh there's always a shop that changes or a pub that's changed from one to the other and if you say to somebody I'm curious what was I like the word I'm curious I'm

curious what shop used to be there before do you know I've walked that street every day I should know and I just can't remember and then you get people out of their trance and they start thinking and going well actually that's a good point what was there

together and then the two of you are looking at the external situation and then you can start talking about personal things but if you just come up and say Hey what' you do for a living it's a bit intrusive you know so

we have we have to wrap things up it's like a gift Jo everybody likes a gift with wrapping paper don't they well it's the same when we're questioning getting to know people more open-ended questions right

yeah open-ended questions but a little bit caution with one in particular Joe and that's the the question why because if you ask somebody why what happens is

they tend to become a bit defensive if I said to you do you why did you buy that jacket you immediately go what's wrong with it what and he's not get defensive whereas if I use the what instead of why

and I said I'm curious Joel what is it about that jacket that attracted you to it in the first place it's much softer it's getting the same information but it's much softer the way we do it isn't it so we to be a little bit careful with

why and when we're using open-ended questions the last thing we want to do is to come across like it's the Spanish Inquisition where do you live Joe how long have you lived there who are your

neighbors what do you do for a living it's too much so what we have to do is we we use a couple of techniques very simple one for your your viewers and

listeners is to use question comment question that's the easy one do we start off and we say nice to meet you Joe I'm curious how long have you lived in these parts and

you say well I've lived here for a number of years and say oh it's always nice when you live somewhere for a while to get to know it isn't it and I use the tag question there so using isn't it causes you to nod and you play this

video back you'll see you're nodding there and when you do it it's very difficult to resist even though you know I'm doing it isn't it and you get a slight nod again so we can use that and

then we ask another question so the idea is question comment question the idea is not to talk about yourself at this point it's a quick observational question or comment about something that sounds

fascinating tell me more or I'm curious it's interesting living around these parts lots to do what do you like doing most then on to the next one now the next stage if

you're good at that is you use question Echo comment question that's where we Echo back what somebody has said there many people will say you can't do that Derek people are going to

spot it's far too obvious well well when I first came across this it was on a training session and I saw the trainer do the echo technique and somebody in

the audience said you you couldn't do that Echo technique it's far too obvious and he said so you couldn't do the echo technique it's too obvious and he goes yeah right people would pick up on it immediately and he said so people would pick up on it immediately and he kept

echoing him back for about 15 minutes the audience started laughing and eventually the person picked up on it people are too wrapped up in themselves but the reason we do the equity

technique is because what's the most important words that somebody hears what's the words they've just spoken isn't it they're the most

important think about it few for your viewers here when you look at a picture that were you and your family or your friends a group photo who'd you look at

first yourself of course exactly and guess what even if you've got children as well yeah yeah so that's just the way we're wired so it's it's key that that

we have to realize that people are quite self-absorbed we're all actually very self-absorbed and we have to act into that and the way we do that show interest is through asking open

questions and we use we can soften the questions further if you're in business or if your guy guys are speaking and it's a tricky real estate situation and you want to ask a question and it's a

real Humdinger I don't know if that translates well to to the Uso it's a real tricky question then then you want to wrap that up so what we would do is we would we

would use some language softeners in the front and say I'm curious I hope you don't mind me asking it's just so that I can understand more about your proposition what is it about this that you're offering so what I've done is

I've I've used a couple of psychological biases there I have used the wrapping paper and I've given somebody a reason now when we give people a reason it doesn't even have to be true Joe it

just has to be plausible they will tend to comply if I said to you because there's something I I write about this I call it the fu will be polite for channel the fu

situation which is if I said to you Joel get me a coffee will you there's a little voice inside your head that goes F you get your own coffee yeah now if I said to you Joe I'm just about to go on a a zoom call with an important client

could you get me a coffee please it's plausible and you go yeah sure it's reasonable as well so there's all these little linguistic techniques we can use to get what we we want because to get

what we want we have to get the other person getting what they want yeah don't you think it kind of all starts with active listening because when I'm I'm out doing some of these and I'm talking

and somebody else is standing there and they're just waiting to talk you're like oh my God you know what go ahead go ahead and talk don't you think I mean I

believe that's showing that you're act actually listening to them is a huge component in getting to know somebody yeah that's a really important

point you've hit the nail absolutely right on the head there Joe nobody likes the situation when they speak to somebody and not only are they not listening but they appear not to be

listening yeah this is why the echo technique is so good because it forces you to listen to what they're saying so that you can Echo back but there's a couple of other things that you can do

as well and these are unconscious displays that you are listening so if you next time you're doing a presentation or you see an audience just watch for people who tilt their head

like that yeah about 20 to 30 degrees to the side now that is an indication that somebody is listening so if you're doing a presentation and you see somebody doing that you know they're

listening to what you're saying and then occasionally you just do a nod now we can do this auditorially as well by just saying occasionally right

okay ah that sounds interesting okay got it right so we're doing that now this little trick about tilting your head is fantastic because I worked in Asset Management before and I've got to say at

times some of the meetings were I'm sure some of your listeners will identify with this shall we say challenging yeah and not the most interesting yeah so one of the ways you can do this if you want

a bit of downtime to yourself is tilt your head to one side the person will unconsciously pick up that you're on their side you're listening and just nod occasionally

so it's a great thing to do and you'll find that you can get people nodding by using the tag questions which I did earlier which is doesn't it isn't it

don't we haven't we mustn't we these sort of things yeah you know I think something that I also see is and you you touched on it in the book

was understanding the person you're preparing to talk to actually judging them you know and there's a lot there it's judging them it's looking how they're walking how they're reacting can you kind of unwrap all that for us

please because I think it is so important because I'm guilty of it I'll look at something oh that's yeah I I don't think I can talk to them because they're dressed perfectly or you know I don't know what it was I always had such

a I found a reason not to talk to somebody and I think I was usually judging them as an excuse um but could you kind of unwrap that whole process yeah sure I mean we're picking up on

humans just can't not communicate in fact the very Act of not communicating is an AC of communication if that's not confused your viewers too

much so we communicating both verbally and nonverbally so you're right what you say we can pick up an awful lot about a person by the way they walk the way they stand so it's dominant people for

example don't tend to move much they they don't tend to have much eye movement it tends to be quite static everything is about control because the whole principle of body language which I wrote about as well and that links it

nicely to this book it talks anybody book is that the outer expression is a reflection of the inner thought for example people say I can't

read body language and I said oh really suppose somebody was chasing you down the street with an axe what do you think their intention would be there you go oh yes I get it so they're saying they can read it it's just the degree to which we

read it now getting back to your point assuming that you have read the body language and the nonverbals and you're getting this feeling that I don't really like this person they not really on my

wavelength in fact I'm not sure I like their value set now there's a trick here and I used to use this all the time there were many people in business that I dealt with and to be quite honest with you I just couldn't stand them they I

didn't like the the whole value set they had they just weren't my sort of person at all I didn't really like the way they went about they conducted them themselves

however what you can do is in order to make sure that you have this unconscious display that you like them you focus Focus hard on something about them that

you like now that may just be you like the tie the neck tie they're wearing it may be that you admire how well they run the business you may like the company logo you may like the jacket they're

wearing whatever it is you place your attention on that and that helps you get you in the right state so you're looking for things that you like about them rather than things that you don't like

about them because we live in The Duality of the physical plane we wouldn't know what Darkness was if we didn't have light so consequently

somebody can't be all bad although some people do give it a good dry I've got to say but there will always be something about them that you can focus on hey they've got a great car you know they've

got fantastic house they've got a lovely family the guy may be difficult to deal with but he's a family guy he may vote the same way you do so there's all sorts of things you can look for and and focus

your attention on that the um being aware uh is something that I really that part in your book really uh because I'm pretty aware of when I walk into a room

I kind of scan a room and and I've noticed as I've gotten older I've gotten a lot better at that is that something that I've trained myself or is that just Evolution uh in this business or what

can you train awareness yeah that's a really good point I think definitely helps having miles under the Bonnet right so as you get older or the I should say the hood the Bonnet miles

under the hood yeah that that helps because yeah you've got more experience to draw upon and it definitely comes to the age however you can train awareness

what is surprising Joe is how low people's awareness is we give people far too much

credit for noticing things when they just don't notice things at all right so the big thing the biggest problem I see most people having and you alluded it to

earlier Joe when you're talking to somebody is they're too busy thinking about what they're going to say next let's talk more about me me and a little bit more about me and even more about me

and not listening to what you're saying so we need to get away from that internal voice the little voice we all have that talks to us and focus on external

awareness now you can train yourself to do this now if you think about reality let's not head into the world of wo here but let's talk about reality we

construct our reality through our senses so the data comes in both visually auditorially with taste we also have auditory digital where we talk to oursel

and we have smell and sound I think I've covered everything there so that's how we create our reality and we're moving around those all the time so we can train oursel by simply walking down the

street and commenting about what we are seeing now you can see there I said seeing because I tend to have a a bias towards visual but we would also

describe what we're hearing so in the background you may see some buses go past so if we see a bus what does it look like what does it sound like what does it what does it smell like we don't want to taste it well some people might you never

know um what is it what does it sound how does it feel so we're looking at all the sentes and describing this and that will get you in the habit of getting out of the internal world the little voice

and into the external world you know and here's what I was thinking is when you were talking about this was you know I'm we're training about four

young agents right now and I have been amazed over the years how younger Generations just aren't aware of of a lot of this actually that really and

when I was going to school we were we were trained on but they're just not aware they're just I think it's because they just weren't as social as we were growing up um

and are you seeing that as well in younger Generations I am yes I am uh very much so Joe it's I see it as um that's by why I wrote the books in the first place I thought everybody knew

this because for me it seemed common sense but people are not getting the training I think as well they're not getting the same social interaction perhaps there's more social media

there's more isolation with video games I mean I used to play video games when I was a kid but I had to go down to the local chip shop or french fry shop to play it yeah you know using just about

old money not quite so I I see I see this amongst a lot of particularly young people and if you want to be better at

sales as a a real estate agent or running a business just become more aware yeah and you it's all about practice it one of the one of the issues I see is people come and the maybe come

some of the training I'm doing they try and do everything all at once a sure far way to fail at everything is to try and do it everything at once what you should do is take a little bit think about it as a jigsaw puzzle you take a little bit

at a time once you've got that slotted in time to go on to the next one we don't just go in and throw all the pieces in and start wobbling them around we need a little bit of structure so this is what this is what what I would

suggest that people should do but definitely amongst younger people particularly in business and I don't get it Joel why that more companies are not training their people and I'll give you another little tip for for your your

listeners actually and this is one that I've developed myself simply due to the frustration of dealing with call centers my books are listed in Amazon so I have to deal with Amazon quite a lot one of

the tricks is if you ask somebody a question you will be astonished at how not only don't they understand the question they think you've asked a different one so a simple

way at the end of it after you said your question is without offending them say just to check that I've explained this properly to you would you mind repeating back what it is I'm looking for and what

I'd like you to do do and you would be surprised that how many people answer a totally different question now if you're in sales and you're and you're selling

real estate and you've not listened to the client and you're going on and you're talking about how wonderful the swimming swimming pool is and you find out who's got a feet of water it's not going to help you is it

yeah it's not and you know we see especially and this goes with even older agents they're so busy trying to sell which in this day and age all of the

information on Commercial Real Estate is is on the internet so it's more of an information controlling business now than it is a real estate business you've got to understand what's going on in

your Marketplace you've got to understand so you really have to listen to what your client is actually telling you because we've all been ingrained okay this is the property this is the price they may not be asking you just

about they probably know a lot of that already so you have to be listening to what they're what they're saying yeah absolutely and and let me just use a you have to understand how people are

wired because people are we're all creatures of emotion with some sort of logic thrown in there you know a two-seater sports car just isn't logical for anything really other than having a

bit of fun and those red sold high heel shoes that the ladies wear they're really not practical they going anywhere but they look good don't they and people feel good when they wear them so that's

the clue it's feeling so when people buy I I've got a public speaking book and it's how to speak effectively without without fear of in public speaking but people are not buying that book for

public speaking that's the thing most people don't realize and you go well hang on a minute dere's about public speaking of course they are well they're not really what's happening is they're buying it emotionally they're going I've

got a problem my career is going nowhere because I'm struggling to speak I don't look confident I'm not getting the promotion I'm not getting the

opportunities with the the opposite sex The Logical mind comes in and goes I know we'll sort this problem out by making you better at public speaking therefore they buy the book which is

like the plaster to go over the wound does that make sense so when people are buying real estate it's my opinion that they're not actually you're not selling them a house right they

think they know what they want but they want they're buying it emotionally what's it all about is how they're going to feel when they're in that house how suitable is it going to be for the

children how safe is it how good is it as an investment what's the local school like it's a feeling thing rather than a tick boox

now here's the big thing imagine if and if you don't understand this you're not going to go very far with selling imagine that I saw a lady at the bus stop and I thought I quite like the look

of her I'd like to marry her so what I do is I put together 10 very logical reasons as to why she should marry me I go up handle the

list what success you think going to get well bizarrely enough it's such a strange thing to do it might actually it's a cracking pattern interrupt but I'm not going to have a lot of success there right but that's winning The Logical

argument we don't win logical argument you have to sell emotionally and justify with logic when you go to to the bar with your friends or if you're down in the golf club you don't sit there go do you know the average rainfall in

California so many inches did you know the tallest mountain and uh did you know the average snowfall in Mammoth Mountain is they're going to go Joe what's wrong with you what happens we talk about stories you say you're not going to

believe the week I've had I had this crazy client you're not going to believe what happened really tell me more well if that's the way that we behave when we're in a social environment why do we

suddenly behave weirdly in business weirdly is such a word behave oddly so I've got a friend that he'll he'll put those facts out like you're just talking about in a social setting you'll talk

about the rain and then how much snow and it is really not the situation everybody kind of they go along with it but I'm always thinking what's going through their mind when he's giving that because he's just giving it to be part

of it and I always wonder what's going through their mind when he's given this data out when it's really has nothing to do with what we're talking about yeah and we have to bring things alive as

well we use stories I mean try we think in pictures try and people talk about have have get a hold of a corporate broch read it they talk about corporate strategy make a picture of corporate

strategy can you make a picture difficult isn't it yeah would it might involve a previous experience because you and I have been round the block a bit but for most people it's

difficult merger and acquisition strategy well like you make a picture but if you can bring it bring something alive so if you were talking about the house it's what are the variables in the

house how does it look like what does it sound like what does it smell like which is the old coffee trick and vanilla Tri yeah what is it h how good is it how does it make you

feel all these things are bringing the experience to life rather than saying well this has you know X bedrooms well so what what does it actually mean well what it means is you've got an extra bedroom should you want to play put a

pool table in there or work from home you know everybody's now working from it's it's which means that and I learned that very o early on in my career there's a lot of people Joe in the sales

environment who engage in what I call product vomit which is I hope you know what vomit is in the stage oh yeah so the idea is that you what what they do is they they do a

couple of quick questions so Joe you're interested in a new house that's the fact F let me show you this fact fact fact fact fact it's like it's like a wof yeah without actually working out what

is it you want what's the key driver emotionally what are you looking for and then filtering down what that property has or whatever it is you're selling and

relating that to the selection criteria that your logical mind has produced for you based on your emotional thinking yeah you know that's the problem that we really have in our industry is we know

all the data we want them to know that we have all the data so we just kind of do a data dump or vomit and you know so and it's just it's too much you know you've got to understand your client and

that comes from listening to them and understanding what they're really asking you um you you know one thing I was what you were talking is the confidence issue we have that with our younger agents

because they're just getting started um I think body language having a confident body language uh is very important and could you kind of touch on how to be

more confident with your body language uh as you're uh trying to bring in a new client or become friends with somebody yeah absolutely the two two ways of doing this the first I've touched on

earlier which is the getting your state right now there are Tech techniques and I talk about this in in it's in that book and also in the other ones as well how to get yourself in the right State

because the outer expression is a reflection of the inner thought it's very hard to disguise it you will leak signals so if you can get yourself in

the right mental state then what will happen is your outward display will reflect that but let's assume you struggle with that so let's think of this as a bit like an automatic car

that's the automatic car but sometimes you want to get get the gear stick or shift stick I think you guys call it so we want we want to override it we use a shift stick so what we're going to do here is we're going to start using some

manual override so think about it all you have to do with communication and body language is just do the mirror trick flip back and think about somebody who's confident just think for a minute

how do they look well if they're confident they tend it's all about control they tend to Stand Tall they make themsel taller the

head goes back slightly not too much so you end up sneering we talk about looking down your nose at somebody so we need to be careful about that so we

stand tall we control our body language think about the feet now if you want to have a look at a presenter and you want to know how confident they are you have a look at the legs the legs are always the giveaway sign think about people who

are confident military personnel policemen how do they stand well the feet are wide apart aren't they yeah think about someone who's nervous they make them smaller the legs are close together they they cross their arms they

cross the legs they're literally trying to make themsel invisible so we want to get into the habit of making ourself controlling our body language make ourself bigger and

start using Palm displays now Palm displays are indicative of confidence and Trust just notice how this feels Jo I don't know if it will translate well on the video if I said to you Joe it's

important that we do this yeah can you feel it it's an emotional thing never ever point to anybody notice how different this is it's important Joe that we address this issue I don't know if you can see my hands there and I

can't see the camera but so it's subtle things like that so we want to make sure that we control our body language and you can practice this and if somebody I

get it for younger people they can feel a little bit nervous they go you know that old guy over there this with age comes Authority because the older you get you kind of have this little Gene

that clicks in where you don't care as much yeah you go you know what somebody doesn't like me well you know you can't win a moment it's almost you have a bit of a laugh about it when you're younger you maybe get a little bit hung up but

one of the ways you can do to diffuse Authority is it's a little bit of a crude technique this I hope your viewers don't mind but you simply imagine the other person sitting on the toilet we

all have to go there yeah and that immediately takes away the authority but think about it logically as well that's just another person they're not some sort of

superum they're governed by emotions they have all the cognitive biases that that you and I have they just happen to have been in or manag to get themselves in a

position in fact many of them suffer from imposter syndrome yeah which is they feel that they shouldn't be there that's why particularly in the UK we have a lot of these I don't know I better not go there

but let's just say people get up to things that they shouldn't do who in high positions and let's just leave it there yeah yeah you know when you walk into a pitch sometimes you'll have a good siiz commercial real estate deal

you're working on and you have to go in and meet with a team of people sure you know even to this day I find myself I'm scanning the room looking for who's

really in charge uh and more often than not it's not the person that's doing the most talking but you'd be surprised how just by scanning the room and looking the way people their body language you

can tell who's in charge and you know and but you also can see people that just don't want to be there and you try we I try and include them as much as I can so they get more comfortable and

feel like they're part of it um but that's helped us win a lot of deals yeah that's that's a really really important point there and you're absolutely right if you if the people are standing if You' read the body

language people's the other people's feet will always point to the dominant person the person who's in charge often you'll find that the person in charge if the second and command will sit on the right hand side not always but that's

often the case because they like to be in charge but you're absolutely right you're looking for signs of authority where they sit in the room as well so if we go into a room the low status seat is

the seat immediately you enter the room the high status one is facing the door at the top of the table so there are all these clues that are going on and you're absolutely right Joe many people don't

even consider this but the fact that you know you've done this for a while and be very successful you've picked up on this and it's a great point you make about involving other people particularly if you're on Zoom yeah there are going to

be people who are naturally introverted and it's very easy to do this everybody likes their feathers stroked and their F tickled so what I mean by that is

everybody likes to be recognized for something so if you see someone who's more introverted in the body language and the movement and the head everything will give give you a clue of this you simply say look John I know you were

involved in this big deal last time and you particular expertise in the legal part of this deal what are your thoughts on this we'd love to know yeah and then you watch people go like this they

go but it's a it's a great technique to get everybody involved yeah not just speaking to one person because you're quite right Joe it's not always the person who's the loud mouth who's the

one who's making the decisions yeah and here's the thing is when I leave that room they're going to be talking as a group if I've only actually spoke to two of Five People You know the other three

probably aren't going to vote to have me handle their commercial real estate business but if I've included every body in the conversation they go yeah that was you know I was involved so he's

really going to include all of us it's very important absolutely you've got to build rapport with everybody not just with one person and this is a classic mistake when people are giving

presentations or they do public speaking what they do is they find a friendly face in the room somebody with a head tilted there who's maybe smiling and nodding and they speak to them and ignore everyone else you've got to make

sure you everybody involved if you're ever doing a presentation the trick is if there's a big enough audience divide the audience into quarters or if it's smaller room divide it into halves make

sure you make eye contact with everybody and ask the questions ask the input everybody loves when someone asks their opinion they say look Joe you're an expert in this thinking of it buying

this house what do you think thanks for asking dere let me tell you yeah it's something you know you put in the book negotiation is all about effective communication and you know

hadn't looked at it like that but that is spot on it is it's just you're communicating your need your client's needs it it is and there's a likability factor as well because remember we're

creatures of emotion we naturally gravitate towards people that we like and we're not logical so if we're in a negotiation and somebody rubs us up the wrong way we're going to be looking for

reasons not to use now think about a glass that's got 50% water 50% air the glass is either half full or half empty both descriptions are correct so you

could look at a deal and think well this is either a terrible deal because of the way the person's H presented it or you could look at at the positive aspects of it and think well yes there's bits we need to tighten up on but I like the the

way the guy delivered it and I like the whole structure of the deal so the last thing we want is for people looking for negative things to reinforce their already preconceived negative ideas

because we've rubbed them up the wrong way yeah and that can start from the very beginning when you walk in a room the hand handshake right yeah absolutely in fact I always say with sales and

negotiation it begins way way before you even get to the room it's from the moment you get up in the morning what sort of mood are you in it's the prep there and remember perception is reality

it's not what you say it's the way you say it and the way you deliver it you can actually go in I mean I've done this training I've thrown in just complete words that don't make any sense

in the middle of a presentation nobody's picked up on them and I said did anybody notice anything there they say no and I said I inserted the word bank for no reason whatsoever oh he didn't

notice but what they did notice was the way that the content was delivered so so you're absolutely right it's all about everything has to be congruent or congruent I think you guys say so you

come in the room shake the hand the ideal is you have an this is a big indication I'm looking for this all the time does somebody have a firm handshake now we don't want the grip of a gorilla we're not trying to break the knuckles

right we just want to have a firm then what you can do as well is if you are in a position of authority Joe and you want to to make people seem welcome and look at some of the politicians the quite dominant politicians that do this they

will hold their hand like that that's a subservient handshake but they're deliberately it's almost an inversion saying I'm in control here let me welcome you so when you welcome somebody maybe to the family or if you welcome a

visitor you go like that it's a welcoming handshake but in business most cases we want to be doing up and down and it's about three shakes and that's it now most people don't even have a

clue about this some of the young people have not been taught all this so they don't know and they've got a handshake like a wet fish and that immediately you're going to think because what's happening you see it's quite important

is that when we first meet The Reptilian Brain is kicking in and it's going do I like this guy yes or no yeah do I want to fight him yeah do I

want to run away and there's another F that we won't use there for for the for this channel so this is all going on as we try and work out what what's what's going there we're then looking to make to have our ideas

is our idea correct so we're looking for the emotional consistency there and then we use the logical brain to to work things out later on think back about to go into

the bus stop with a list you know you have to hack into the emotional part first the person is going to be shocked that somebody's come up and asked them to marry them with a list you know so we have to make sure that we hick into this

and it's important to be Cent to the body language has to be right eye contact as well we need to look at somebody in the eye we don't want to eyeball them but we need to be able to hold the Gaze now here's a big trick for

some of you young people you're going to love this one and it's a hypnotist trick if ever you feel uncomfortable staring at somebody's eyes don't stare at their eyes just stare at the spot there in between the eyebrows it looks like

you're staring at the eyes okay and that way you can hold somebody's gaze in fact I've had competitions with people they don't know the trick I'm using and of course I always win when it comes to to eyeballing at training because they are

looking at my eyes and I'm looking at theirs so they're progressively becoming more more hypnotized yeah yeah the eye contact with the handshake is key especially in our business yeah absolutely yeah

absolutely and the other thing as well is the voice if we can touch on that briefly Joe as well yeah in I've noticed in the states I don't know which parts but in some parts of of America people

go up at the end of the sentence they've got a it happens in Glasgow in Scotland here as well so they kind of talk at the end of the sentence and it goes up at the in the sentence and it doesn't sound very

convincing and the reason for that is when we if we want to give a command our voice goes down so if I say get down there's no question that I'm saying

it's a command yeah whereas if you think about the Latin languag is French Spanish Italian the way they ask questions they make a statement and they have an inflection at the end of the voice so you have to make sure that your

body language is confident the eye contact the handshake we don't have excessive movement we're not switching we're not Crossing legs and that our

voice is confident as well and that we have that confidence that we can just take a

pause and gain control when we need to and you can see how that draws you in so these are some of the more Advanced Techniques and what about Cadence when

you're talking do you you put um a lot of weight on that I think it depends on on the the bigger the audience the more you have to add Cadence into your tone

if you are doing it in a onetoone people may think is Lawrence Olivier just entered the room so we need to be a little bit careful however as I just did there you can put

in a pause yeah now this is the trick that people should use so let's suppose we're talking about the real estate we go Feature Feature Feature benefit Feature Feature Feature we have a pause

and then go however the real benefit of this property is and then what you can do is you can say what the benefit is and you can mark it out with your hand as well which is

called analog marking you could say something like it's trading at a massive discount and there is a fantastic investment

opportunity you see so we can mark this out it's more for the Realms of public speaking you would see that done but you can do it more subtly you just have to be a little bit careful but one thing I would say Joe is nobody likes to be

bored I mean I don't know any who wakes up and goes you know what I can't wait I've got a boring presentation today so the way we stop people being bored is think about kids in the car you take the kids in the car you go drive the kids

fall asleep soon as the car stops they wake up why there's a change in stimulus so we want to try and Vary the pace if we can get some expression in

there and then pause for the key points very good you know in the in the book you said if you want somebody to like you show that you you actually like

them and I thought man that is taking it to the basics but that is so spoton if you have your the whole you when you walk in your body language the way

you're talking is just not something that this person is going to like you're done before you even start well correct and this is where it comes from this is this is the big secret at State Control imagine that you're get up in the

morning you're driving off you're going across Los Angeles you've got to get to this client meeting you're sitting thinking oh God I've got this terrible company to see they're so rude H I better get over and done with yeah open

the door what's remember the outer expression is a reflection with the thought unless you're some sort of method actor that can flip it quickly you're going to have to get working pretty quickly now what you could do is

reframe that that's where we take a situation and we look at it in a different way so instead of saying this is a difficult clim we go great I've got a fantastic opportunity today this is a

really tough meeting I've been wanting to work in my communication skills I'm really going to try and get these guys on site I'm going to show a huge amount of interest in them and try and find out everything about them notice the

difference you can hear my voice changes when I'm doing it yeah that's one thing I was doing when I was starting off in businesses I have to go give pitch at Banks and there'd be a group of people and I

dreaded it mostly because I was scared shitless right but yeah I just couldn't I wasn't and now I just look at it as it's a here's an opportunity for more business uh to get our company name out

there with this bank I may not get this deal but maybe I'll get the next one um and what a difference it took so much it just being open and I just was really

wasn't open before yeah absolutely and and think about this as well we're trying to do something a bit different we're trying to behave like a human think about your standard pitch if I look back to the investment industry it

kind of goes along the lines of you get shown into a room you get some nice coffee you sit there and then out comes the pitch deck which is a load of slides with size six font double AIS graphs

it's so confusing that even Einstein couldn't understand it that's not an everybody does the same thing how different would it be if you went in and said I'm here I'd really like to find out about you and your client I've got a

big pitch deck we can go through it if you want but I'd really like to find out what it is that you want and how we can help you I'll refer to some of the material if needs be but I don't think we want we don't want to bore

you yeah it's much better isn't it it's a different approach it's just two human beings having a discussion trying to help each other out because don't forget the very

reason you're there is the fact they have a problem or something they want assistance with I would assume because otherwise why would you be there you don't go to the doctor if you're not

well do you yeah yeah you know when we're recruiting Derek I used to kind of go in and talk about you know you'd have somebody sitting across from you there with another brokerage you're trying to

recruit them in and you know you go in a lot of Brokers they just sit and Pitch they've got the pitch deck for the recruiting and they're going through it top to bottom and I did that a few times and it bored the hell out of me and I'm

like you know what it's not that different all the commercial real estate companies aren't that different so I do now is I just sit down with them I talk I said okay this is what sets us apart and there's a few points and I go

through the points really quickly I said but now I want to hear about you because our company really focuses on company culture you know I have to be in the office every day so I want to be around people I really want to be around right

so I will ask them tell me about yourself uh you know what what are your passions family you know all of it and it's taking our hit rate for recruiting

up considerably because they actually know that you actually care about them and you know they know about the company they've done the research they just don't know some of the deal points that I explained to them but um that makes a

difference because I've talked to our agents after they're on boarded they go nobody else ask me about my family nobody else asked me about my hobbies nobody else I didn't feel like anybody's

listening to me they were just telling me about their company and so it's it's just listening it to to your the people

you're interviewing made a big difference absolutely and one of the things that you could try and do when you're with people one of the things I always look for is what I call a hot

button now everybody has a hot button if you started speaking to me and I me I sometimes have a bit of fun obviously I do my books and I have a bit of fun so I'll sometimes throw in that I'm writing

a new book and guess what nobody actually says that's interesting D what's it about just was so but I do it for fun but if somebody turns around to me and starts talking about electric

guitars you know 's rock music you know immediately how for Life yeah so everybody has this hot button and guess what Joe the more obscure that hot button

is and the more you recognize it the bigger the report building so if somebody collects corks people do collect corks and wine bot some of your audience might do might do it's a little

bit of unusual hobby but those that do collect corks are really into it so if they meet somebody else that has the same interest then it works well now the before the the bribery act came in in

the UK when I was still working for companies I would take clients to rock concerts so we would go and see a lot of the American rock bands actually would come across in tour and I would get a an

ensemble together and we would go and that built massive Rapport so guess what when it came to doing the pitch for the latest fund manager how easy was it to get them to the table because of the law

of reciprocity I'd given them something they want they help me out with something that I need to fill in which is kind of what I want in of course yeah

and you found a commonality and that's if you can find a commonality with somebody that that opens a lot of doors it does and you know what's really useful about that as well I I found by getting getting on people's wavelength

and really pressing that hot button I didn't do it cynically I was genuinely interested in what they were doing that you get the real inside track yeah so you would find out why you didn't get

the pitch not the usual well you you know you get the standard response it's almost like the interview response isn't it we liked what you did and do you get the real answer which is like we can't go with this because the you go thanks

very much that's really useful to know it's kind of off the wreck of common that's what comes from building a rapport and you're absolutely right Joe I mean the more that you can get people

involved and build rapport with them the more they're going to do for you it's just the way we're wired we can't help it we seek for similarity well most of us do if we find we've got things in

common if we find we've both gone to the same school we're from the same state we like skiing we like golf we've got the same political persuasion you know we're

building Rapport pretty quickly yeah yeah people want to do business with people they have something in common with if you don't have anything in common you're less likely to get the business exactly and this is why it's

very useful to be a chameleon and to have a little bit of knowledge about a lot of topics because somebody I'm I'm not really into fishing but if somebody was into fishing I know enough about it to talk to them and I know enough to

show an interest in it I'm unlikely to go fishing with them but at least they'll think the guy was interested in fishing I once took somebody for lunch shoes big rower and I know nothing about rowing but by the end of it he thought I

was fascinated by rowing in fact it was interesting to learn a lot there's a lot more to it that meets the eye so just by asking questions and that's also took the opportunity to

learn yeah absolutely and I mean if you want to destroy Rapport just just look for differences find out if they don't vote the same way as you they got a different religion if they you know their the music taste is different just

look for all the differences and watch how quickly the Rapport destroys the point where some people won't even sit in the same room after that right yeah I feel you well Derek this has been a ton

of information I've taken a lot more of your time today than I planned on uh but the information is incredible so thank you very much I would like to get you back on uh let's take a look at actually

if you anybody has questions for Derek put it in the comments down below if you want to go look at Derek's books uh make sure let me know which one you want us to do next I'll see about if Derrick

will be kind enough to come back on with us but Derek thank you very much my pleasure D thanks thanks again appreciate taking the time for those of you watching if you could please give us a like and if you haven't done so make

sure you subscribe and I'm going to put the link to Derek's book down below so you can find it I highly suggest you take a read it's a this is a pretty short read and so it's a couple hundred

pages but that 200 pages is a different lifestyle for you I think in sales so check it out

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