I Took a Beer Can For Joe Biden | Ariel Elias

But I couldn't even be mad at her because I was truly the first Jewish person she had ever seen. That's why she said that. She could not believe it. It

said that. She could not believe it. It

wasn't said with hate or malice, so I couldn't be mad. She said it with awe, like she had just gotten so lucky that I She said it as if she was like, "Okay, yeah, I guess I only have two wishes

left."

left." [laughter] Can't be mad at that person.

The person I got mad at was You know, every now and then one of my friends would tell me they would they were like, "You shouldn't be Jewish. Like that

means you're going to hell. You should

be Christian." And I tried to play along. I wanted to be accepted, so I

along. I wanted to be accepted, so I said, "Okay, what do I have to do to be Christian?" And they were like, "Okay,

Christian?" And they were like, "Okay, whenever you're about to do something, just ask yourself like what would Jesus do?" And I was like, "He'd be Jewish."

do?" And I was like, "He'd be Jewish."

But like I know where they were coming from. They were coming from a place of

from. They were coming from a place of love, right? They They really thought I

love, right? They They really thought I was going to hell. They wanted to save me. I get The first time I ever heard

me. I get The first time I ever heard that, the first time somebody ever told me I was going to hell, it was wild. I

was in I was in middle school and my friend came up to me and she said, "Earl, [laughter] [laughter] do you guys remember from before?"

She said, "I'm so sorry to tell you this, but we learned in Sunday school that because you're a Jewish, [laughter] it means you're going to hell."

And I was like, "Oh, wow.

You think about me on the weekends?

[laughter] That's awesome.

It's cool.

You guys are cool. Thank god.

[laughter] Woo. Yeah, no, I've done some terrible

Woo. Yeah, no, I've done some terrible shows. This isn't one of them.

shows. This isn't one of them.

[laughter] I've done some really terrible shows.

I'll tell you the worst show I ever did.

Uh I I did a show in New Jersey, which don't [laughter] And uh at the show that I It wasn't going great, and then this woman started

heckling me, and [snorts] she and I got into a big back and forth.

And then uh as she and her husband were getting kicked out, her husband threw a full can of beer at me. That It It whizzed right by me, landed right next to me,

and then I [laughter] I don't know. I picked up the beer and I chugged the rest of it.

[cheering] [applause] I posted a video of that.

And that video went pretty viral.

Uh pretty vi- It It changed my life, honestly. Like it went Like actually I

honestly. Like it went Like actually I fly Delta now. Like that's how much it [laughter] CHANGED MY LIFE.

I GOT THERE WERE MY FAV- I got so many reactions to that. My favorite was people when people asked they were like, "How did you think to just pick up the beer and drink it?" And I was like, "Oh,

I have a drinking problem."

[laughter] I saw a free drink and I took it.

[laughter] I went to college in New Orleans.

Okay, this woman she was heckling me because she figured out from one of my jokes that I voted for Joe Biden.

And I Look, we're not going to get too into politics cuz I don't think that's what we're here for, but I do want to say that it genuinely sucks to have taken a beer can

for Joe Biden.

[laughter] [laughter] You got that right, cuz he's not A COOL PERSON.

[laughter] LIKE BEYONCé is who I would gladly dive in front of a beer can for. Beyoncé, I

would take an insurrection for Beyoncé at this point.

Not Joe Biden.

[laughter] Joe Biden is the Jason Derulo of politics.

Cuz nobody's like, "Yeah, it's my number one guy." But if it's on, IT'S FINE.

one guy." But if it's on, IT'S FINE.

NOT Joe Biden.

[laughter] To her credit, she was right. I did vote for him. I voted for him because I loved

for him. I voted for him because I loved that he was tired.

Obsessed with that. I think that's a great quality [laughter] for the president of the I think every world leader should be 90 and exhausted.

[laughter] I want them to be too tired to put us in danger.

That's what I'm looking for in my leaders.

Cuz think about it. There's so much stuff that happens that we as civilians will never find out about. So I truly believe it's possible that there was a

night where Joe Biden was going to press the nuclear button, but then it got late [laughter] and we all get another day, you know?

Like I do not agree with every decision Joe Biden has made. I disagree with a lot of his decisions, but I take comfort in knowing that for every decision he

made, he slept on it.

So this beer can video, it it happened a while ago. Like it's it's been It's been

while ago. Like it's it's been It's been a minute. And there is part of me that

a minute. And there is part of me that feels like I should be over it by now.

Like that I shouldn't still be talking about it. But the truth is I think about

about it. But the truth is I think about that night all the time. I do. I think

about it so much because those two people who did that, they're terrible people, but they're a great couple. And

I I can't stop thinking about the true love I SAW THAT NIGHT.

[laughter] SOMETIMES I LIE IN BED at night [laughter] replaying that event. And I just keep

thinking about how she started the fight and then her husband finished the fight.

And then I roll over in bed and see my husband and I'm like, "Oh, I don't think he would do THAT FOR ME."

[laughter] LIKE THEY'RE TERRIBLE PEOPLE, BUT I want what they have.

[laughter] You don't see that very often, right?

Like a couple who finishes each other's sentences in prison.

[laughter] What if I dedicated this special to them?

[laughter] That would be so funny.

I'll send it in my special thank-yous.

Okay, here's the joke I told that got her mad at me.

Uh I I'm a very insecure person.

[clears throat] Very insecure about my body. Something

I'm working on, but I realized that my insecurity is it gotten out of hand when I went to get an IUD.

And if you don't know what an IUD is, you guys seem cool, but if you're visiting, an IUD [laughter] An IUD is birth control that goes in you and then it gets you through two

administrations.

[laughter] And my doctor, as she was putting in my IUD, she stopped halfway through and she said, "Hey, uh I know this is going to be surprising for you, but you actually

have a very narrow canal, and it's so narrow we almost couldn't do this procedure." And I was like, "Stop!"

procedure." And I was like, "Stop!"

[laughter]