I Was An MIT Educated Neurosurgeon Now I'm Unemployed And Alone In The Mountains How Did I Get Here?

hi I'm Gooby from Gooby and

doobie so I used to be a

neurosurgeon I trained or I went to

college at MIT

and did uh four years of medical school

and six years of neurosurgery training

and and I I I was a neurosurgeon

for almost 10 years after after all of

that so that's 20 years of my

life and I

quit I quit last

year and nobody understood why I

quit uh people would ask but you know a

decision that involves 20 years of your

life you can't really answer in a couple

minutes and most people don't have

time to sit and listen to uh a 10 or 15

minute story or however long it takes to

explain why someone's doing something

that most people would never do and they

don't really understand why I would do

that so that's why I'm making this

video uh first to help sort my own

thoughts out about the whole thing

because there's a lot of factors but

also to maybe help somebody else who's

in U in a tough

spot

uh if they're in a tough spot like I was

maybe hearing my story will help

them get out of that tough

spot um I'm going to put my hood on

because there's some mosquitoes out here

so I

can think without being distracted by

them

so I became a

doctor uh to help people and I remember

at the beginning of medical school when

um I was just starting there was a u

there was a ceremony and we all took a

hypocritic oath I remember there was one

of the old older faculty docs and he

said that your job as doctors is to

relieve suffering it's not

to it's not to uh do a surgery or give a

pill it's to relieve

suffering that that might be for from

doing a surgery or a pill but it might

be just

listening

acknowledging what someone's going

through that stuck with me all through

medical

school and residency and

afterwards

um how I became a neurosurgeon is is

um well I've always been interested in

how the brain works how Consciousness

Works how

how our our brain and body is able to

perceive this mountain

side um the stream that's

nearby um we have so many choices in

life like is there such thing as a good

life and if so how do you live that

those are all questions that I was

curious about and that led me

to be C ious about the brain and at that

time at my medical school there were

some researchers and they still they

still are working on this um uh working

on connecting brains to computers uh

through a brain machine interface so

this was this was like science fiction

um like

uh

creating a robotic arm or leg that's

controlled by a person's

thoughts that was really interesting to

me and there were people working on that

so I wanted to go into neurosurgery and

learn about that and do research on it

and maybe one

day do do a surgery like uh a Luke

Skywalker replacing his arm kind of

surgery

so I went into uh neurosurgery training

I got

in and uh I spent six

years learning how to do brain surgery

and most people don't know that

neurosurgeons spent half their time also

learning how to do spine surgery because

um spine problems are more common than

brain

problems so I spent six years learning

how to do both brain and spine surgery

and I did some

research uh working on rats and

electrodes putting electrodes in their

brain

and and um I was slated to go go up to

Toronto to work with the guru of uh

brain machine

interfaces but as I did more research

into the problem I I found that um

this dream

of being able to give people robotic

arms or

legs I don't think will ever happen and

that's because the brain the brain knows

that these small electrodes that listen

to the brain are are not part of the

body so it rejects it builds up a wall

of Scar and then the electrodes they

can't hear the they can't hear the

neurons the little tiny cells in the

brain that send the signals

so so

the the goal that I wanted to to

accomplish which was to become a

neurosurgeon who specializes and does

research

on on um brain machine interface

work um I thought that that

would that would not work out in the end

because of those

limitations and after putting in 4 years

plus at that time 5

years of my life that's nine years of my

from 20 to 29 years old it's like the

prime of my youth I I I I had put it

invested it in doing medical school and

learning how to do brain and spine

surgery I at the age of 29 I realized

that where I wanted to go I I would

never be able to make it it's just not

not

possible and after putting N9 years of

my youth into that job um I didn't want

to throw that

away so in my last year of residency I

um I learned how to do spine Serv urg

cuz that's what most neurosurgeons do

it's the most common thing is what a

regular neuros surgery job is is fixing

people's um worn out necks and

backs and I had good teachers to do that

and and uh you know I

graduated and

I I got my first job

and

um yeah I knew that some something was

not right right

away it you know I had good partners I

had good hospitals that I worked at

uh but something was not right I was

very

unhappy I I and on the surface it didn't

make

sense I had um I was getting paid very

well

it was a very well-respected

job I had good colleagues had good

support but I was the most

unhappy um that I've ever

been and I couldn't really figure it out

for a long

time

um I had gotten married before uh just

before getting the new job and and and

that's the best decision I've ever made

uh my wife is so understanding and

supportive she tried to help me

out uh but um really I didn't know what

was the problem I couldn't I couldn't

describe

it uh but you know now I know what it is

so it's really complicated and I I'll do

the best I can to explain

it going back to medical school when

when I took that oath and I had that um

older Professor say that your job is to

relieve suffering you know that's what I

understood to

um of what it means to be a good doctor

and I had learned all these fancy spine

surgery techniques to do all this

incredible surgery work through tiny

cuts and it's called minimally invasive

spine surgery it's the latest

technology we use navigation like a GPS

inside the operating room like all all

the latest techniques you know I learned

and I learned how to do well and I I did

them and I I helped

I helped a lot of people

out but there were way more people that

I couldn't help and that's because

um you know

surgery surgery like if if someone's got

a what's called um degenerative spine

that

means their spine degenerated it wore

out could be a bulging disc pinching a

nerve or a disc is just worn out and

bones are rubbing on each other or

there's a loose joint and the joint is

banging on nerves causing

pain I can do surgery to cut

out like a buling disc to to remove

something and make more room for a nerve

or I could I could do a surgery where I

put titanium screws and rods into the

spine and lock it down and remove motion

it's all removing

things the only thing that was adding

things was putting in a little electrode

to to block pain

signals

uh if there was nothing else you could

do but th those were the tools I had I I

learned to use them really

well but what I what I realized later on

is that

you those those aren't fixing the

problem there's so many people with with

back problems neck pain back pain nerve

pain down their arms and

legs

surgery surgery might make him better

for a little bit

but it didn't address what caused that

disc to wear out or the disc to bulge or

the joint to get

loose or the the

the disc in between the bones to

disappear and then the bones are rubbing

on each other those surgeries they don't

address

that so what what I was

doing so what I I was doing was

um there's a lot of

mosquitoes so what I was doing was I was

doing the surgeries that I learned how

to do I was trying to help people but

these surgeries they weren't fixing the

problem they would help some people feel

better some people would feel the same

some people would be

worse u a lot of people I saw in clinic

I had to tell them that oh surgery is

not going to help

you and of course they would be

devastated because I was sort of their

last hope

that all weighed really heavy cuz I

thought I was going to relieve suffering

and I did relieve some suffering but I

saw so much more suffering that I

couldn't

relieve even if I tried even if I tried

to do

surgery I'm going to change the battery

so um a PA a PA a physician assistant

that I worked with um he made a good

analogy that the surgeries we're

doing is like this it's like you have a

house and the roof the top top of your

house has a leak

somewhere and rain water is coming down

into the house and it's ruining the

drywall and you can see it you can see

water

damage the surgeries that I could do

were like going into that house tearing

down that drywall ripping out the moldy

insulation putting in brand new

insulation and rebuilding the

wall but not

not fixing the leak in the

roof that's what I was doing and the way

I I realized that is

that I could do a perfect surgery and

some people would get better some people

would stay the same some people would

get worse even though I did the exact

same perfect

surgery and some people would get better

before I could oper praying on

them even with gigantic bulging discs

they would get better if I scheduled a

surgery a month out they would sometimes

they would call me a week before surgery

and say oh hey Doc uh you know my my

nerve Pain's gone um do I still need to

do

surgery yeah I got a big disc in there a

big bulging disc

right and you that that was

uh that was very confusing to

me you know I had learned some of that

in nurse in residency

but actually being out there and

practicing and seeing seeing what

happens to people I realized that well

wait a

second wait a second this this isn't

quite what I thought it was I thought

that

um if I do a perfect surgery people are

going to get

better it wasn't always the

case

so over the nine years that 9 to 10

years that I I was a neurosurgeon

I it really bothered me it really

bothered me I felt that

um I felt that wait there's something

missing here you know

I my surgeries are not they don't seem

to

be they don't seem to be addressing

what's causing people's health problems

in their spine I mean it they sort of do

but but not um not in the way that I

thought not in the way that I thought

when I was

training and so over 9

years I did everything I could try to do

to try to figure out but how do people

actually get

better and how do they get

worse and um you I had help along the

way I had a really good partner who was

a pain management doc at my first job

and he really clued me into um a lot of

a lot of the things I'm going to explain

here but I just started asking

patients like everything I could think

of um what do you what do you normally

do what's your job what do you eat what

do you drink do you smoke do you do you

elicit drugs do you uh you have a lot of

friends do you

you how's your family are you stressed

out do you sleep

well I I just would ask all my patients

just kind of this whole bunch of

questions about their life and what I

found

was that

um

patients that did certain things would

get

better and patients who wouldn't do

those things would get worse my surgery

might help them out a little bit but

they would get worse after

that um and those things that I I saw

were the following it's um people that

got

better people that

healed they were doing following and not

exactly but in general and this is my

observation

uh they they

were having a diet well diet seemed to

be the most important the food that

people ate and the liquids they

drink the ones that would heal up

they had a low salt diet like not it

wasn't really

salty and most of them ate mostly

plant-based Foods you know like

vegetable vegetables fruits whole grains

beans and this is not this is not like a

vegan rant or anything I I I'm not vegan

I enjoy a steak or sushi every once in a

while I'm just describing what what I

saw over N9 years of doing spine

surgery people that got better were

having a mostly plant-based diet they

weren't eating too much animal foods and

they were definitely not eating salty

and they would do things that would make

them sweat like exercise being outside

hiking like this going to a

sauna

um or they live in a warm

place um they didn't

smoke they didn't drink

much uh

they usually had a good soci social

support like uh loved ones family

members

children

friends

um like a way to socialize they would

sleep they would sleep like eight hours

every day and they weren't stressed out

or they if they had a stressful job or

something they they they found a way

to like be mindful or meditate or like

just be present

and um release the stress back into the

Universe

um that's what I

saw and I saw that the people who did

that they would heal so quickly that I

couldn't operate on them I mean

sometimes I could but if I was booked

like three or four weeks

out a lot of times people would that

were doing that they would heal before I

could do the surgery that I thought

would fix the

problem and the opposite was true you

know patients that patients that

um so they smoked like a chimney they

sat on the couch and they ate hot dogs

all day they had no friends they were

super stressed

out and um

they didn't sleep

well yeah th those patients like I I

could do a really good surgery I would

get them temporarily better but 6 months

year later the same part of their back

would have a recurrent problem or a

different part a different joint of

their back would have a similar

problem and I would operate on them and

they might get better for 6 months and

then

yeah then the same thing would happen so

it's the it's the Leaky Roof

problem so that that was my that was my

aha moment it's like

oh I know what's going

on wait to actually heal you you need to

like eat a certain

way sleep a

lot not be stressed out I have a good

social network exercise move your body

stretch if you do all those

things you

heal and when your body heals it doesn't

just

heal worn out joint in your neck or your

back it heals everything it heals a worn

out joint in your neck your back it

heals the skin problem it heals um your

digestive tract problem it heals your

hair

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issues when when your body heals it

heals

everything

and that actually became a huge problem

and uh let me explain why that's a huge

problem because most people will say wa

how is that a problem that you figured

out how people are

healing uh it's a problem because our

medical system isn't set up isn't set up

this way our our

um our you know I'm I'm not knocking any

hospital or group that I worked with

I've I had the privilege to work with

really amazing people and amazing

hospitals amazing

institutions but the way that everything

is set up in the whole country it's not

any particular Hospital the way things

are set up is that the hospital needs to

make

money they need to make money they need

to they need to

grow economically they need to grow

economically and the problem there is

that if you figure out a way to help

patients heal

and that in that way doesn't include a

pill or a

surgery

well then the hospital and the doctor

are in big trouble

because if you figure out a way to help

people heal and you can't charge them

for

it well then you've just um worked

yourself out of a

job let's just say let's just say um

like for example there's a hospital in a

town and um you know there's an x amount

of people with back

problems um and the hospital that

there's a doctor say it was like me Dr

Gooby was

doing we'll just say 100 spine surgeries

in a year to fix those the people in the

community's backs and the hospital got

paid Dr Gooby got play

paid and um they Contin every year 100

people needed surgery from Dr

Gooby well the hospital's happy Dr Gooby

gets paid Dr gooy may not be happy with

his life

but he's getting paid and the do the

hospital is getting

paid but if Dr Gooby figures

out

hey

um yeah you know what this surgery can

help some people but really the best

thing that people can do is eat a

certain

way exercise

sleep meditate be mindful you not be

stressed hang out with their loved ones

and friends and then their back problems

will get

better and if Dr Gooby actually

recommended that to his patients and

they actually did get better

well it's a big problem for Dr goobie's

paycheck and the

hospital cuz let's say in that town

let's say

everybody everybody ate more veggies and

fruits they really watched the salt

intake they did things that made them

sweat like being outside in the summer

exercising enjoying fresh air and the

nature and and uh spending time with

their loved ones and they slept 8 hours

every day and they they meditated and

they weren't stressed out let's just say

everybody who had back problems in that

town did that and they got

better they

healed then nobody needs spine surgery

anymore in fact they probably don't need

a lot of things

anymore and

then Dr guy's office is empty

and the hospital's operating room is

empty at least for Dr Gooby

surgeries now I'm not saying that that's

exactly what happened because not

everyone's going to do all those things

that

I that I talked about but I had a lot of

patients that did do those things and

they got better I never had to operate

on them and they were very happy that

they never had to be operated on and

they got better better that the pain

went

away and um yeah so that that

was that was what I figured out over N9

years and

I I still did surgery because you know

not everybody could can do all those

things I talked about I mean just

practically

speaking and so I I I still did

surgery but I really felt

like really felt like the focus of

medicine wasn't in the right place it

wasn't in healing it was in making money

from surgeries and pills and

images whatever you can make money

from uh again I'm not knocking any

particular place that I work

I work for very good hospitals people

have good intentions but the incentives

are not not right in the whole system

this whole country's medical system

probably not just this country but most

countries um it's not about prevention

it's about

therapies so yeah once I once I figured

out this

problem or figured out what was going on

it was a huge problem for me

ethically I was doing surgeries that I

knew weren't fixing the underlying

problem they may be fixing the drywall

and taking out the insulation and

putting in brand new insulation and

putting a brand new drywall and

some pretty color of paint on the wall

but it wasn't fixing the Leaky

Roof

um and

so I didn't know what to do I I I was

doing a job that I didn't believe in

anymore it was the way I was getting

paid and I don't know how to do any

other job at that time my wife wasn't

working I was the only

paycheck we don't have kids thankfully

makes things a lot easier uh we have

dupy our doggy our doggy child and she's

7 years old and but yeah we don't we

don't have like a a human

child and um yeah I I was thinking well

I'm the only paycheck I I need to keep

working I need to keep going to this job

that I don't believe in

anymore and that tore me

apart I gained 40

lbs uh

I was really sad I was really

angry

frustrated didn't have

hope I thought I was

stuck I was

stuck and then um this was the year

before

last year before last I was like I don't

know how I can do this for the rest of

my

life most surgeons they keep operating

till they're 60

and that time I was 38 I was like I

don't know I don't know how I

can I don't know how I can operate doing

this doing surgeries I don't believe in

even though I I can do them I can do

them very well and I can help some

people out I helped out a number of

people but I

I it was a moral dilemma or moral injury

I think there's the term moral injury

it was a moral injury um and it

devastated me

and I kept going to work and I

kept doing my best to do a good

job but um yeah it tore me up

inside and I knew that if I kept going

back to that job every day for another

20 years

uh I would die before 20 years I I my

body and mind and

soul they would

have they would have just broken down

and I don't I don't think I would have

made it I wouldn't have made it to

60 uh

so so I I I knew that something had to

change but I was stuck I I was the bread

winner and I think a lot of people can

relate to this I think a lot of people

may may feel this

way um and

uh I knew that I was dying I I was dying

inside and my body was

dying so you know I I talked with my

wife and I said well you know would it

be okay if if I I just work

part-time maybe I'll cover the ER

neurosurgery job for couple weekends a

month or a week or week and a half each

month

and do something else something that

makes me feel good like being out here

being out in

nature uh the rest of the time and my my

wife you know I was I said earlier that

she's

amazing she said

I see what you're going through

I've I've lived with you through

it you should just

quit and I I said what H how can I quit

you know you're not you're not working

yet

she's she was going to school for a

second career and

and she said well you

know we'll be okay

we we saved up some

money it's not enough to retire but

it's something to live off of for a few

years why don't you just

quit and I thought about it thought

about it really hard and I knew that I

couldn't keep going

back but I didn't know what I was going

to do instead for

work but I knew that I would die if I

kept going

back so with my wife

support I went to my job and I said hey

I can't do this

anymore I will do it for another I think

it was nine months at that time I'll do

it for another nine months until you can

find someone to replace me so that our

that hospital still have a spine

surgeon

um so I I I I just worked another nine

months and I

quit and nobody understood why I quit

I I would try to explain but this video

is probably already 40 minutes long and

people don't have 40 minutes to listen

to me explain why I

quit you know so I would tell them oh

yeah I was burnt out or um it's just too

stressful I I just want to take a break

or

um it said I said all kinds of things

like like that I mean they're all true

but they weren't the full

picture

um and you at first I was like I was

really embarrassed to

say that I'm quitting and that I have no

plan of what to do afterwards that was

embarrassing

too

um but

after after some time had passed and a

lot of people had asked me that question

and I told a lot of people I have no

idea what I'm going to do

afterwards it actually felt good if if

it feels good

to not have a plan it's

um it's freeing it's I got because I

don't have a plan I I don't have to be

anywhere I don't have to do something at

a certain

time um

and then I just kind of like leaned into

it and someone asked me oh what's your

plan I said I don't

know and I felt good about it and I

could tell they felt embarrassed for

me they felt uncomfortable where where

whereas I was feeling uncomfortable

initially saying that

but yeah over time I you know I I just

accept it like I know I can't do

neurosurgery anymore and I don't have a

plan and I'm quitting and I won't have a

paycheck uh I got I got some money saved

up and I can live off of that for a

while but I've got to work again at some

point I can't retire um but yeah no I

need to do this I I knew I needed to do

this and I and I did it so that was last

September I

quit haven't gone back

and um you know at

first oh so so you know this is I think

what most people call a midlife

crisis um but I would say the crisis

part was really the nine years that I

was super unhappy that was the

crisis so I think that's what most

people call a midlife crisis

is what I would say was those 9 years I

was really unhappy I I I knew something

was wrong and I knew I couldn't live

like that but I I felt stuck felt stuck

in that situation felt like I couldn't

um Escape it that was a

crisis now that I've

left I haven't been this happy in my

whole

life it does not feel like a crisis

right now I mean maybe financially it

might be a crisis that's some point

but

I I've never been this happy before

ever it feels

right um

so so what I did when I quit

is I just walked a lot outside cuz I you

I had gained 40 lbs like I said earlier

and yeah I ate healthy I slept a lot

because you know a neurosurgeon they

don't sleep very well because they're

they keep getting called about

emergencies you I nobody was calling me

I slept every night for a really long

time and I walked and I spent time

outside I spent time with my dog I did

the things that I wanted to do which

like be out

here um my dog she's Dobie she's seven

years old and for the majority of her

life she

um unfortunately had a very boring life

because I was so busy my wife was busy

and we take her out for a walk every day

for half an hour to an hour and then she

would just lay at

home the rest of the day

and yeah made me sad made me sad that

that's her life or that was her life and

so I I wanted to spend time with her and

spend time with her outside because she

loves being

outside um and

so so I first started out I want to lose

weight get back to a healthier weight I

want

to help my dog live a full life you know

the way she's having fun she's smelling

things she's experiencing things outside

that's kind of where things started and

I

um I made that made this YouTube channel

Gooby and doobie

to to

um

record the experiences I have with uh

with dubie because she's not going to

live forever if I live a fulllength life

you know she's going to pass pass away

before before um before I

do and um I wanted to be able to

remember the times that I've had with

her and so that's that's why I made this

Channel and recording our

hikes

um where I'm going with this is is that

you know I didn't have a plan

but so where I'm going with

this where I'm going with this

is you I quit I quit I had no

plan but when you let go of something

that you're holding too tightly even

though it's hurting you and you let go

of it then you're able to pick up

something

else that hopefully is better for you

um

I I wanted to spend time outside I

wanted to help my dog live a full life

by being outside with

me and then I wanted to record those

moments so

that if I live longer than duie I will

have those memories I can look back at

them and uh appreciate the time that

that I have with my

dog um that's how this Channel got

started

and uh being outside with her I I

started taking video

of these Pleasant nature

scenes and

um I found them very therapeutic for

myself

um there were a couple stressful times

over this past year due to family family

health issues

and I found that hearing those uh nature

sounds really helped helped me feel

better helped me process what was going

on better be more present and aware and

and um kind of release that

stress stress and

anxiety um and so yeah that's that's

that's how I that's how I I am I came to

where I am

now by letting go of Nur

surgery I am able to be outside be

healthier my dog is able to live a

fuller life and I figured out a way that

I can help relieve people suffering by

sharing nature scenes with them

it's not a surgery

but but it it definitely works to at

least one of those several things that

help people heal which is to relieve

stress

so yeah that's my story that's that's

how that's how um an MIT

educated neurosurgeon

got to the point where they're

unemployed and out in the mountains by

themselves well that was a really long

that was really long and I hope that

that might help

somebody

um I hope that you have a wonderful day

if you're listening to this and uh you

know trust your heart

trust your

heart lean on the people that love

you and do what you need to

do whatever that is