It Took Me 40 Years To Learn What I’ll Tell You In 13 Minutes

What if I told you the reason you're stuck has nothing to do with your skills? I've been coding since I was 6

skills? I've been coding since I was 6 years old. I spent 18 years at Amazon. I

years old. I spent 18 years at Amazon. I

made it to principal engineer without an engineering degree. But I'll be honest,

engineering degree. But I'll be honest, I wasted years of doing everything I thought I was supposed to do. I worked

so hard to build up my technical skills and I kept my head down and I did good work. And after a certain point, it got

work. And after a certain point, it got me absolutely nowhere. The worst part was I knew I was capable of more. I just

couldn't see what was holding me back.

There are five things that I had to unlearn before anything changed. I don't

want you to lose [music] those years.

So, in this video, I'll just give them to you for free. Here's the thing that I had to unlearn. I believed that if I worked hard enough, someone would notice and reward me. So, I put in the hours. I

stayed late and I was always responsive.

I hit every deadline. But then I got meet expectations. It's not because your

meet expectations. It's not because your manager doesn't care about you. Your

manager sees maybe 10% of your work, but you see 100% of your effort. They don't.

They see fragments and snapshots, but never the entire picture. And if what they happen to see doesn't look impressive, it doesn't matter how hard you worked when they weren't looking.

Hard work without visibility is invisible work. And invisible work

invisible work. And invisible work doesn't get rewarded. I spent weeks refactoring a legacy system at Amazon.

I'm talking nights and weekends. The

code was a mess. It was duplicated logic everywhere, no test coverage. By the

time I was done, it was clean, maintainable, and much less of an operational burden. It was objectively

operational burden. It was objectively better in every way. I got looks good in the code review and everyone moved on.

My manager had no idea how much work it took. A few weeks later, I spent a

took. A few weeks later, I spent a couple of hours writing a simple script to automate a report that our program managers had to create manually every week. It saved them maybe 3 hours of

week. It saved them maybe 3 hours of tedious work. Suddenly, I was a hero.

tedious work. Suddenly, I was a hero.

People thanked me in meetings. My

manager heard about it from the PM team.

Other teams started asking if I could do something similar for them. The

refactoring work was way harder. It

required so much more skill. It arguably

had way more long-term value. But it was invisible. The script I wrote solved the

invisible. The script I wrote solved the pain point that people felt every single week, and they could see exactly who solved it. Stop working harder at the

solved it. Stop working harder at the wrong things. Before you put in the

wrong things. Before you put in the hours, ask yourself two questions.

First, is what I'm working on solving a problem that someone with power actually cares about, not a problem that you think is interesting? A problem that's causing pain for your manager, your

partners, your team, or your customers.

Second, [music] can they see it? If

you're doing important work in a corner when nobody's watching, you might as well not be doing it. You don't get natural visibility. It's important that

natural visibility. It's important that you broadcast your work. Hard work

matters, but only after you've aimed it at the right target. The thing about blind spots is that you can't see them no matter how hard you try. That's what

makes them blind spots. I spent years thinking that my work would speak for itself. Took me way too long to realize

itself. Took me way too long to realize that I was invisible. And that's why I'm partnering with today's sponsor, Strawberry.me. Strawberry connects you

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underelling your contributions. Maybe

you're working on the wrong things.

Maybe there's a story that you should be telling that you don't even realize that you have. A good coach holds up a mirror

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The link is in the description. Thanks

to Strawberry for sponsoring today's video. Here's the second thing that I

video. Here's the second thing that I had to unlearn. I believed that if I became the best engineer in the room, I'd get ahead. So, I invested in my skills. I learned new frameworks. I

skills. I learned new frameworks. I

wrote cleaner code. I got technically stronger. And my career still didn't

stronger. And my career still didn't move. Past a certain threshold.

move. Past a certain threshold.

Technical skills isn't the thing holding your career back. But being difficult to work with. Everyone notices that

work with. Everyone notices that immediately. Software is a team sport.

immediately. Software is a team sport.

The person who gets ahead isn't always the most technical. It's the person others want on their team. The person

who makes collaboration easier, not harder. I watched this play out

harder. I watched this play out constantly at Amazon. There was always that engineer, technically brilliant, could solve problems nobody else could touch, but working with them was

exhausting. They'd shoot down ideas and

exhausting. They'd shoot down ideas and reviews. They'd make you feel stupid for

reviews. They'd make you feel stupid for asking questions. So, people started

asking questions. So, people started routing around them. They'd rather solve the problem the hard way than deal with them. Meanwhile, there was another

them. Meanwhile, there was another engineer. Technically solid, not the

engineer. Technically solid, not the absolute best, but really good still.

But everybody wanted to work with them.

They made meetings better. They made

other people's code better. They asked

questions that helped the whole team think more clearly. Guess who got promoted first? The first guy eventually

promoted first? The first guy eventually plateaued in their career. The

collaborative one kept rising. Not

because technical skill doesn't matter.

It does, but because at senior levels and above, your impact is measured by what you enable others to do, not just what you do for yourself. The lesson

here is to shift your investment. Yes,

keep building technical skill, but also start investing in how you show up for others. Ask yourself, am I the person

others. Ask yourself, am I the person people want in the room, or am I the person that they're relieved isn't [music] there? When someone asks you a

[music] there? When someone asks you a basic question, do you make them feel smart for asking or stupid for not knowing? When you disagree in a PR, do

knowing? When you disagree in a PR, do you help them understand, or are you just trying to prove that you're right?

The people who rise the fastest aren't just technically excellent. They

multiply the people around them. That's

the real leverage that catapults your career. Here's the third thing that I

career. Here's the third thing that I had to unlearn. I believe that good work is self-evident. That if I built

is self-evident. That if I built something great, people would recognize it. That quality speaks for itself. And

it. That quality speaks for itself. And

I didn't want to be that guy, the self-promoter, the brown-noser who won't shut up about themselves. I let my work do the talking. And my work said absolutely nothing because nobody was

listening. Your manager isn't paying

listening. Your manager isn't paying attention to everything that you do.

They're overwhelmed. They're dealing

with their own fires and doing their own thing. If you don't surface your

thing. If you don't surface your contributions, they'll assume that you don't have any. Staying quiet isn't humility. It's self-sabotage because

humility. It's self-sabotage because you'll be invisible. The project that contributed to my promotion to principal engineer involved nearly 100 engineering teams. The scope was gigantic. There was

an immovable deadline. There were legit billions of dollars on the line. There

was also a TPM sending out formal status reports, but I decided to send out my own daily email update to everybody involved, not just key stakeholders, because there were a lot of technical problems to overcome. We didn't have

time for a TPM to interpret them and to take action. Literally, thousands of

take action. Literally, thousands of people were on the distribution, and I sent an email every single day. How was

the project going? If I needed help, what was blocking? What was coming next?

At first, it felt like too much. Who

wants another email? I've got junior engineers all the way up to VPs on this list. For people who thought the update

list. For people who thought the update wasn't useful, they just filtered me out. No harm done. For nearly 4 months,

out. No harm done. For nearly 4 months, everybody got a daily reminder of the progress being made and who was driving it. When we launched successfully on

it. When we launched successfully on time, nobody had to be reminded of my role. They'd been watching it unfold in

role. They'd been watching it unfold in real time. Here's a game to play to

real time. Here's a game to play to practice. Never make your manager ask

practice. Never make your manager ask for your status. If they have to ask, you lose. But if you're struggling with

you lose. But if you're struggling with the idea of broadcasting your own work, start smaller. Start by promoting other

start smaller. Start by promoting other people. Call out a teammate's

people. Call out a teammate's contribution in a public channel.

[music] Recognize someone's good work in a meeting. Send a quick message to their

a meeting. Send a quick message to their manager saying, "Hey, I just wanted you to know that Kumar really came through on this project." It takes 30 seconds.

It costs you nothing, and it makes someone else's day. Here's what you're going to notice. Nobody thinks you're annoying for doing this. Nobody rolls

their eyes. People appreciate it. The

person you recognize appreciate it.

Their manager appreciates it. You start

to see that visibility isn't the gross self-s serving thing you built it up to be in your head. Once you get comfortable with that, you can start including yourself. The team shipped

including yourself. The team shipped this feature on time. Kumar's testing

was crucial and I'm proud of the integration work that I contributed.

You're not bragging. You're just

reporting what happened accurately. If

you don't tell your story, nobody else will. Here's the fourth thing that I had

will. Here's the fourth thing that I had to unlearn. I treated my manager just

to unlearn. I treated my manager just like any other stakeholder. I managed

up, down, and sideways. Everyone got

roughly equal attention. And this was a big mistake. Your manager isn't just

big mistake. Your manager isn't just another stakeholder. They're the person

another stakeholder. They're the person who decides what projects you get.

They're the person who writes your performance reviews. They're the person

performance reviews. They're the person who advocates for your promotion or doesn't. This relationship is

doesn't. This relationship is disproportionately important. and most

disproportionately important. and most people underinvest in it. Early in my time at Amazon, I noticed my manager was under pressure. His boss had just called

under pressure. His boss had just called out our team's delivery velocity in an all hands meeting. It wasn't a compliment. Most people would have just

compliment. Most people would have just tried to work faster on their own stuff.

I did something different. I spent time analyzing where our team's time was actually going. Here's what I found. We

actually going. Here's what I found. We

were losing weeks to the handoff between product and engineering. We had unclear specs. Nice to have features that would

specs. Nice to have features that would get cut when deadlines started slipping away. There's a bunch of constant back

away. There's a bunch of constant back and forth. I surfaced this to my manager

and forth. I surfaced this to my manager with data. I didn't just say the process

with data. I didn't just say the process is broken. I showed him exactly where

is broken. I showed him exactly where the time was going and what it was costing us. He was in a much better

costing us. He was in a much better position to do something about it than I was. He initiated conversations with

was. He initiated conversations with product leadership. We standardized the

product leadership. We standardized the handoff. [music] Our velocity improved

handoff. [music] Our velocity improved significantly and he looked great in front of his boss. That played a big part in his promotion. And when he got promoted, he remembered who helped him

get there. That played a big part in

get there. That played a big part in mine. Stop treating your manager just

mine. Stop treating your manager just like another person to update. [music]

Start treating them like your most important customer. Here's the pro move.

important customer. Here's the pro move.

In your next one-on-one, ask a simple question. What's the one metric or

question. What's the one metric or initiative you're being measured on right now? Listen carefully. That's your

right now? Listen carefully. That's your

target. Then look for ways to contribute to that thing, even if it's outside your direct responsibilities. Surface

direct responsibilities. Surface problems that threaten it. Propose some

solutions. Bring them ammunition. When

your manager succeeds, they remember who helped them, and they will return the favor. Here's the last thing that I had

favor. Here's the last thing that I had to unlearn, and this is a big one. I

believe that I should wait for clear directions before acting. I didn't want to step on anybody's toes. I didn't want to overplay my hand. So, I waited. I

waited for good projects to come to me.

I waited for my manager to notice my potential. Waited for someone to give me

potential. Waited for someone to give me permission to do more. [music] And while I waited, other people acted. They

created their own opportunities. They

asked for what they wanted. They made

things happen while I sat there hoping my turn would come. Your turn doesn't come. You take your turn. Picture this.

come. You take your turn. Picture this.

You're on a team and there's that one person that always gets to [music] good projects, interesting work, stuff with the visibility. Meanwhile, you're stuck

the visibility. Meanwhile, you're stuck with the grunt work. Month after month, they're presenting to leadership while you're spinning your wheels. Low agency

looks like this. This isn't fair.

[music] My manager plays favorites. I've

been here longer. I deserve these projects. I guess I'll just keep doing

projects. I guess I'll just keep doing good work and eventually somebody will notice. You wait and you hope. You

notice. You wait and you hope. You

complain to your friends. Nothing

changes. High agency looks completely different. You think, I need those

different. You think, I need those projects to grow. Waiting isn't working.

So, what can I do? You message your colleague, hey, I'd love to shadow you on that project. Can I join your planning meetings? You tell your

planning meetings? You tell your manager, [music] I want to lead the next initiative. What do you need to see from

initiative. What do you need to see from me to make that happen? You identify a problem nobody is solving. You build a quick prototype and create your own high visibility project. If nothing changes,

visibility project. If nothing changes, you update your resume, start preparing for interviews, and go get the job that gives you the work that you deserve.

What I've described is the same situation, but completely different outcomes. This is the master key.

outcomes. This is the master key.

Everything else I've talked about, finding the right work, multiplying others, making your work visible, investing in relationships with your manager, none of it works if you're

sitting around waiting for permission.

High agency is the belief that you're in control of your outcomes no matter what your circumstances are. You don't wait for your turn and you don't accept

blockers. You act like an owner, not a

blockers. You act like an owner, not a victim. The real question isn't can you.

victim. The real question isn't can you.

It's will you. If you found this video helpful, take a look at my video on if I were looking for a tech job, this is what I'd do. [music] Turns out that with AI, it's actually easier to stand out in

a competitive market as long as you understand what's actually going on. I

break it all down in this video.