Let Them Think Whatever They Want!

The reason why a lot of us are still stuck, stuck in cycles, stuck in lives, stuck in realities we detest, is that we are still bound by the thoughts and opinions of others or we are so worried about what they might think that we just stay stuck.

The reason many of us cannot get out of that rut is because we are married to our perceived identities.

This is why I go on about flirting with life.

Why I go on about the complexity of human expression.

Go and watch the video I made on the construct of goodness and how it leaves many of us chained.

That's if you want to delve into this idea a bit more.

But I'll tell you something that clicked for me years ago.

Human beings are interconnected.

It is not unnatural to care what our communities and the humans that make them up think of us.

What is unnatural is groupthink.

So your goal isn't to not care what other people think.

That's where many of us kind of remain and get stuck.

I don't know what to do.

I just care so much about what other people think.

I don't know.

Well, you should care to some degree.

You are human.

Your goal is to allow them to think whatever they want.

People have every right to believe whatever they want.

The real question is, are you comfortable being perceived in whatever image they drum up?

Because when you look at it from that perspective, judgment isn't the issue.

Your fear of your complexity and the complexity of others is the issue.

You haven't allowed yourself to see the human experience outside of the boxes we are so often forced into.

I'll give you an example.

There are people who have met me who think I am the sweetest, kindest, softest, warmest person they've ever met.

And then there are people who have also met me at the same time, the same period, who think I am aggressive, mean, cantankerous, who will call me a witch.

In some people's experience, I am incredibly quiet.

In others, I am as loud and as active as they get.

Some people consider me a genius.

Other people think I am pretentious and condescending.

Some people might even call me dull.

If you ask me, Pearl, what do you think of these takes on you?

I think they are right.

That doesn't mean that I agree with all of them, but my point is this.

In whatever world they carry within them, those descriptions of me match their experience.

It is not my duty or my responsibility to try to correct that.

They are having their own human experience.

They have every right to do so, just like I have mine.

So if in your story, I am the witch, well, so be it.

And this is why I am not afraid of terms like witch, aggressive, loud.

Well, I don't care.

When people use that on me, I think, okay.

And that's what many of us are afraid of.

The discomfort isn't what people will think.

It's, can I live with what they think?

I can't answer that for you, but it's important to know what you're actually dealing with.

Yes, it can suck to feel misunderstood, but once you realize that a lot of the people you're trying so hard to appease never had any intention of understanding you in the first place, my darling, you begin to move differently.

Just yesterday, I had a conversation with somebody.

This is someone that I barely speak to, but I know them, you know?

And they said something and I said, hmm, that's not good form in this exact tone.

And this person just went, I don't want to argue with you.

And I went, hmm.

I found it so interesting.

So me having an opinion on what they were saying to me, to them, that was an argument and that was me trying to fight them.

And I went, hmm, okay.

I don't know what's going on in their head.

I don't talk to them.

So I don't know where they found me arguing, but that's them.

So it's not my duty to change whatever is going on in their body.

They are old enough.

They can deal with that.

Now, with that out of the way, one way you can deal with other people's opinions is to use this little diagnostic criteria that I came up with.

First, ask yourself, does this person and I have a relationship where they can pick up the phone, call me, text me to discuss anything.

If somebody doesn't have your phone number or direct access to you, their opinion of you is automatically inconsequential.

It only matters in their world.

And that world is not your business.

And this applies regardless of how you feel.

Just use that as your baseline, your feelings.

You can work through that, you know, through meditation, breathing exercises, tapping, laughing for two minutes straight like I do, whatever works for you.

But the baseline is don't even consider such opinions.

Now, if the answer to that question is yes, they have your phone number, they have access to you, your next question must be, in my experience of this person, are they for me or against me?

Again, it is human to care, but it's important to understand the relationship between you and the people whose opinions you give weight to in your life.

If I know that somebody has always been hateful and disparaging towards me, it could be a family member, it could be someone you're kind of stuck with.

The only sensible path is to ignore anything they say regarding my life.

But if I know that somebody has always been on my side, I might not agree with what they want from me or what they think of me, but I'm willing to sit down and maybe find common ground, whatever that means.

It could mean lovingly agreeing to disagree, or maybe going deeper to understand each other's perspectives.

Who knows what can come out of that?

But this is a great way to ensure that the care you do have is only applied to healthy and nourishing relationships and spaces.

Another thing you can do is to check yourself.

Yes, sometimes the reason you care so much about what other people think is because you are somebody who goes around making insidious judgments about other people.

Being able to make judgments is actually a good thing.

I know people are so terrified of being called judgmental, yes, but this is what I say to that.

I wouldn't judge how you live your life, but I would judge how it affects mine.

That's where judgment is super important.

The issue is many of us are so critical of other people's lives, things that are worlds apart from us, expressions that don't concern us.

It's no wonder you think people have opinions on you.

It's called projection.

The reality is the average person doesn't give a toss about you.

They are too preoccupied with living their own lives. Have you seen the cost of rent outside?

lives. Have you seen the cost of rent outside?

The less judgmental you are about other people's lives, the fewer assumptions you will have about how they see you.

And yes, maybe they are judging you.

Who knows?

Maybe they are, but it won't matter to you because as human beings we approach people how we are, not how they are.

You can also ask yourself, are people really judging you or are you just judging yourself?

Okay, if the voice in my body is beating me up, I will assume that other voices are too.

In this case, we are looking at self -esteem, self-confidence, self-love issues, and I have specific videos on here for that.

You can also check out my workbook if you want to go deeper.

Do the work required in these areas and you'll see the symptom begin to vanish.

And for my favorite solution, ask yourself out loud, and so what?

Yeah, every time you are presented with a limiting opinion or thought about you or just a random thing about you, don't try to fight it.

Don't try to rectify it.

Don't try to digest it.

Just say it out loud as if you're pushing the thought away.

Yes, and so what?

My darling, listen, people will people because that's what people do.

The power lies in realizing that there is no version of life, no version of expression you choose that will not attract naysayers, haters, or some form of judgment.

I could spend my precious time exploring the psychology of hateful, unhelpful people, but quite frankly, I don't care.

It's such a waste of energy.

So whatever it is people may or may not think about me or you, and so what?

I get all sorts of hate and accusations on this channel and it's comical, sometimes interesting, but then I have things to do.

I have dreams to fulfill.

I have poetry to write, plays to write, music to create, relationships to nurture.

I have to run this channel.

I ain't got time to decode cowardice.

The only thing I can do is to keep showing up, to keep doing the things that make my world brighter.

You get me?

If you want a reminder every week that you are allowed to be complex, judged, misunderstood, and still thriving, still human, I have a newsletter where I write to you every Wednesday.

Think of it like receiving cosmic postcards from a friend and it's free, by the way.

Yeah, so all of you who send me messages in response to the notes I've sent out, I read them all and I just want to say it is truly my pleasure.

Like, I mean it.

It is my pleasure to send out these notes.

You can also keep up with me on Instagram.

I'll be sharing more creatively over there.

All links are below or on my channel homepage.

I am truly grateful for the community we are building.

I hope this week holds you.

I hope this week supports you.

As always, it's been an absolute pleasure.

My name is Pearl Girl and I'll see you in the next video.

Next girl.

Enough.