Rebuilding My Body & Starting Over After Surgery

How about this, you guys? We're outside.

Outside of the black void. It's like

another dimension out here. The sun is shining. It's a beautiful day. And I'm

shining. It's a beautiful day. And I'm

back with another solo episode of the podcast. The first two that I've done

podcast. The first two that I've done have been received with overwhelming positivity. Thank you for that. I'm

positivity. Thank you for that. I'm

going to be doing more of these. When I

put the word out that I was looking for questions to answer, thinking I was going to do an AMA, maybe answer four or five questions, the vast majority of the

responses that I got pivoted around my diet and my fitness routine in the wake of spinal fusion surgery as I engage

with my recovery and am in this sort of rebuilding process. So, this AMA is

rebuilding process. So, this AMA is going to be singularly focused on that because I have a lot to say about this.

And in addition to a lifetime of training experience, experience with nutrition, I've also learned a lot over

this past year, many things that I think are salient and hopefully helpful and applicable to your life. So, diet,

training longevity reinvention transformation.

Let's [ __ ] go. So, the way I want to open this is with a little bit of background because I don't want to assume that everybody knows my story.

Uh, I was a swimmer as a young person. I

competed at Stanford University in the late 1980s as a butterflyer at a pretty high level. Kind of a benchwarmer on

high level. Kind of a benchwarmer on that two-time NC2A winning team. uh but

a member of that team nonetheless where I was training every single day with Olympic gold medalists and world record holders and NC2A and American record holders. And I bring that up solely to

holders. And I bring that up solely to make the point that I know a lot about training. I've been pushing my body and

training. I've been pushing my body and submitting to voluntary suffering for the better part of my entire life. Uh so

that was the 80s. The 90s was a decade of decadence where I pursued my first career as a professional alcoholic.

Needless to say, that did not work out so well. At 31, I ended up getting

so well. At 31, I ended up getting sober. And so I spent uh that decade,

sober. And so I spent uh that decade, the decade of my 30s trying to repair the wreckage of my life, rebuild myself

up uh emotionally, mentally uh and spiritually so that I could become a productive member of society. And during

that time, I was very career focused. I

wasn't focused on my physical fitness.

That fell by the wayside. I ended up gaining about 50 pounds, living this sedentary fast food lifestyle. And that

came to a head shortly before I turned 40 when I had a bit of a reckoning, this sort of existential crisis about what I was doing with my life, pursuing this

career in corporate law that coincided with a health scare one evening that was an inciting incident that led me to uh basically

reinventing my life whole cloth, changing my relationship with food and with nutrition and with physical activity. And that led to a period of

activity. And that led to a period of time in my mid4s when I was competing in ultra endurance sports, ultra endurance

athletics. Uh in 2009, I competed in a

athletics. Uh in 2009, I competed in a race called the Ultram Man World Championships, which is a double iron man race that circumnavigates the entire Big Island of Hawaii over three days. I

finished that race uh as the fastest American and sixth fastest in the world.

And then in 2010, I did this thing called epic 5 where I completed five iron mans on each of the five Hawaiian islands in about six days. In the

aftermath of that, I started experiencing some lower back discomfort as well as some numbness on the bridge of my left foot. So, I went to my

holistic chiropractor. He took an X-ray

holistic chiropractor. He took an X-ray of my lower back in I think it was in the summer of 2011 and it was immediately clear from that X-ray that I

had what my chiropractor described as a grade 2 spondylothesis.

This chiropractor is a very holistic practitioner. In the course of his

practitioner. In the course of his career, he has advised his patients um to undergo surgery maybe five or ten times over, you know, 30 years of

practicing. And he was quite clear with

practicing. And he was quite clear with me at that moment in time in saying like, you're going to have to get surgery for this. I didn't want to hear

it. I wasn't all that symptomatic at the

it. I wasn't all that symptomatic at the time. I proceeded to ignore him and

time. I proceeded to ignore him and continue to train through it. The pain

wasn't that significant. I thought that maybe I could figure out a way to alleviate the numbness on my own. And so

I essentially spent 15 years trying to resolve this issue short of surgery by wandering in the wilderness of every

imaginable alternative healing modality while also continuing to push my body as hard as I could. When you live in Los Angeles and you mention to somebody that

you have a lower back issue, everybody seems to have a guy uh who saved them that you must see. And I saw all those guys and I did all the stuff. I did

acupuncture, all kinds of wild chiropractic techniques. I did PT and I

chiropractic techniques. I did PT and I did PRP, uh, which stands for plateletri plasma injections.

None of this seemed to work, but I was very committed to figuring out how to fix this problem without having to go under the knife. In 2017, I competed in

a race called the Otillo Swim Run World Championships in Sweden where you basically swim across these eyelets uh that are

off the coast of Stockholm and crawl up on islands and run across them and jump back in the sea. It's like an 8 hour I don't know like you know 80 kilometer

race that I completed but I completed it in pain and that's actually the last time that I actually trained for something hard and completed a race. So

almost a decade ago after that the pain just continued to worsen until it became very difficult to even sit up in bed.

The numbness that I was experiencing in my left foot started to expand until it covered the entirety of my left foot and began creeping up my shin towards my

knee. And that's when things got serious

knee. And that's when things got serious and I realized that what I was doing was not working. My mobility was so

not working. My mobility was so compromised that I really couldn't run anymore. Like I said, I could barely sit

anymore. Like I said, I could barely sit up in bed. I couldn't lean over at all.

my leg would throb at night in extreme pain and I knew that I was going to have to take some more significant steps uh to have this problem resolved. And it

was around this time probably two and a half years ago uh and this is to illustrate the kind of like nar of this whole situation. And I was at a birthday

whole situation. And I was at a birthday party uh and I was talking to a friend of mine who I'd known for many years and kind of sharing with him what I was

experiencing and his girlfriend who is a uh a physical therapist and they were offering some advice and then this other person kind of walked into the conversation and joined it and he said

what are you talking about? Oh my lower back pain. and this is what's going on.

back pain. and this is what's going on.

And he said to me, "Have you read the John Sarno book, Healing Back Pain?"

Now, anybody who has a lower back Issue might be able to relate to the annoyance and the irritation of being recommended this book. It comes up all the time. And

this book. It comes up all the time. And

the premise of this book is that your lower back pain is essentially an emotional issue that you have stored in your body, an unresolved emotional wound

that is requiring redress. Now, I don't dismiss the possibility uh that that is often the case, but I was adamant that in my situation, this was not true. But

he goes on to tell me that he read this book, he had debilitating back pain, and after reading the book, he was like 80% better. And I asked him, "Well, what did

better. And I asked him, "Well, what did you do from reading the book that led to you feeling better?" And he basically just said, "Well, all I did was read

it." And I was like, that is insane. Uh,

it." And I was like, that is insane. Uh,

but the ripple in this story is that the guy who was telling me this tale was none other than Tobey Maguire, Spider-Man. Uh, and he had suffered a

Spider-Man. Uh, and he had suffered a back injury as a result of of being in all these Spider-Man movies and the kind of rigorous stunts that he had to perform. And I thought, well, maybe this

perform. And I thought, well, maybe this is a message from the universe or or from God. Like God has delivered

from God. Like God has delivered Spider-Man to me to tell me this story.

So I thought, why not? You know, I have resisted reading this book forever. So

I'm finally going to read it. And what I did is I downloaded the audio book. And

I went out on my bike the next day and I listened to the entire audio book while I was riding. uh went home, went to sleep that night, and the next morning I

literally couldn't get out of bed. My

back had seized up so badly.

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With the FIFA World Cup 26 coming up this summer, I have been thinking about the ripple effect of something like that. Thousands of people traveling,

that. Thousands of people traveling, showing up in new cities looking for a place to land. I was recently in Barbados and when I was booking the trip, I was absolutely shocked at how

expensive the hotels were. Not just

fancy resorts, the rates were outrageous at even the modest ones, which was even more insane when I compared those accommodations to what was available on

Airbnb. Just dozens of large, airy,

Airbnb. Just dozens of large, airy, modern condos at a fraction of the cost of an average hotel room. Needless to

say, I did what I always do when I travel. I went with Airbnb, which got me

travel. I went with Airbnb, which got me thinking about something pretty practical. When you're away from home,

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So, take uh from that story what you will. maybe I was riding too hard or I

will. maybe I was riding too hard or I shouldn't been writing at all. It's not

to say that that book uh doesn't have some sagacious counsel, but in my case, it sort of illustrated like, hey, uh it's time to do something different. And

yet, it was still a year before I went and saw a proper neurosurgeon. And when

I sat down uh with this surgeon and he looked at my scans, my latest uh MRIs and X-rays, he basically just said, "This situation can only be resolved

with surgery. There's just no other way

with surgery. There's just no other way with your very specific type of spondilothesis.

It starts with something called a pars defect, which I was born with. It is a tiny fissure, a little fracture on the

bony backside of my L5 vertebrae. And

because I've been so hard on my body for so many years, literally hundreds of thousands of flip turns and god knows how many miles of running, uh this

fracture uh obviously got aggravated and exacerbated which led to an instability of that vertebrae in my spine. my L5

slid forward and down until it was sitting upon the nerve roots that emanate in between L5 and S1. And that

impingement is the source of my numbness and all of my sciatic pain and the like. And

essentially what he told me is this is an engineering problem. Like there's no amount of glute activation that is going to move that vertebrae back into place.

And that misalignment in your spine, that instability is only going to grow worse. And unless you submit to this

worse. And unless you submit to this surgery that I'm proposing, uh, very quickly or very soon, you're going to have drop foot. So that was all the information that I needed. And one year

ago, on May 8th, almost exactly a year ago, I underwent what is called a 360deree spinal fusion surgery.

That surgery entails going in through the abdomen. They basically slice you up

the abdomen. They basically slice you up in front, filet you, open you up, reach in and scrape out the disc in between L5

and S1 and replace it with this perforated cage that they screw in. And

inside that cage is bone grafting material that over a very long period of time grows those two vertebrae together, the L5 and the S1.

Once that is completed, I'm flipped over on my back and they opened me up on on my backside. They installed these rods

my backside. They installed these rods that they then screwed in. It was about a six-hour procedure. And I'm so grateful that I underwent it because it

was successful and it has resolved the problem. But there's an additional

problem. But there's an additional problem which is that I completely underestimated how challenging this recovery would be. how much patience it

would require and how long it would take before I started to feel like myself again. It's just been far more intense

again. It's just been far more intense and protracted and extended than I could have imagined or that I expected. I was

just in absolute agony, extreme pain for weeks, unable to literally do anything except do these short walks and then lie

down in bed. Uh, I was able to successfully wean myself off the pain meds, but I can tell you that it was

absolutely excruciating. And I would say

absolutely excruciating. And I would say for the first five months as the pain

lessened week by week, uh, I started to lose hope that I would ever feel like myself again. Yes, I could get up and I

myself again. Yes, I could get up and I could walk around, but the pain around the wound and the healing process was so slow that it didn't seem like it was

ever going to mend. So along the way being so sedentary, uh I started to uh experience a decline in my mental health

and my enthusiasm for life. Uh unable to do anything except very slowly walk around. you know, I started to put on

around. you know, I started to put on weight. I gained about 40 pounds and

weight. I gained about 40 pounds and just, you know, showed up at the studio and put a smile on my face and did the podcast and kind of continued my work and also tried to make progress on this

book that I'm writing, but I was really operating at about 30%. Uh, so

unenthusiastic about my life and really struggling to hold on to something to look forward to. And it wasn't until I reached about close to 7 months into my

recovery where I started to feel like I could move a little bit more. Still very

much not feeling like myself, but at least do a little bit more than walking.

But it had been so long since I had exerted myself that it took me a long time to make the decision to start

engaging in the recovery process in the PT in being kind of more uh conscious of the foods that I was eating. But it

wasn't until I had hit about eight months into my recovery where I just got tired of being this bigbellied guy with a gray beard wandering around aimlessly

in my bathrobe. Like I just finally had had enough of that and realized like it's time to turn a corner. Like I've

got to start taking care of myself a little bit better. I've done it before.

I know how to do it. I did it when I was 40 and now here I am again at 59 having to do it again. Still in pain around the

region uh of healing because it does take 12 to 18 months for the fusion to fully set and also all the muscles that got sliced up have to like you know

repair themselves. So that takes a long

repair themselves. So that takes a long time. But I did feel robust enough to

time. But I did feel robust enough to begin to engage with taking care of myself and get involved in my own recovery process. And the way I decided

recovery process. And the way I decided to do it, and this is absolutely key, was to approach it not from this perspective of how quickly can I get

back to that person I was before, to the runner, to the ultra endurance athlete, but instead approaching it from the perspective of

who can I become in the future by really taking advantage of this situation, not as a setback, but as an opportunity for growth. growth and transformation. It's

growth. growth and transformation. It's

just a tiny mindset tweak or perspective tweak, but that honestly has made all the difference in how I'm engaging with this sort of phase of life that I'm in

right now. So, diet, like I said, I put

right now. So, diet, like I said, I put on about 40 lbs. I think uh I tipped the

scales at 27 pounds in November. And so

the first thing that I did before even engaging with anything that you would consider to be exercise was focus on what I was eating because I have found

that it's actually easier to lose weight when you're not doing vigorous exercise or in some kind of intense training cycle uh because you don't have to

contend with the heightened uh appetite and cravings that come with that. So

this was over the holiday period which made it a little bit tricky. So I

started with a few very simple rules.

The first of which was no bread, nothing with gluten in it, no refined grains. I

added into that nothing with added sugar in it and of course no ultrarocessed foods. just focusing on whole foods.

foods. just focusing on whole foods.

Whole foods with an eye on reducing the carbohydrate uh aspect of the macro uh nutrients. not cutting out carbs

nutrients. not cutting out carbs altogether, but just being a little bit more mindful, particularly because I wasn't exercising, uh to not overdo it

on the carbs, and to focus more on the plant-based proteins, on tofu, on lentils, on beans, on quinoa, and on

tempeh. like making sure that the

tempeh. like making sure that the majority of the food that I was eating portion wise uh was protein first and again the key was

portion control and just making some really hard and fast rules around that.

Nothing extreme. I didn't go on some crazy restrictive diet or anything like that, but just by making those subtle tweaks and being patient, not in a

hurry, uh is how I have been able to lose over 35 pounds in about a 100 days, very gradually. Patience has been key

very gradually. Patience has been key and I've been able to stick with that routine. not perfectly, uh, allowing for

routine. not perfectly, uh, allowing for some imperfections here and there, um, but by consistently practicing those rules and doing my best to adhere to

them, I've been able to drop all of that weight. And the thing about making

weight. And the thing about making slight little changes like this is that once you start to see results, even if those results are very small, that

obviously gets you more emotionally engaged in the process. Then you get excited about building upon that. And

with consistency, you create momentum.

And momentum is its own fuel source, its own source of energy, something you want to protect. Because once you have

to protect. Because once you have momentum, these choices that at one point in time were difficult or somewhat difficult become second nature and just,

you know, have it without having to even think about it. And then about 30 days in to this process, I started to fold in exercise. And I'm going to get to that

exercise. And I'm going to get to that in a second. But today, I have gone from

207 lbs to 170 lb. Uh I've dropped my uh body fat percentage from 20% to 10.8%

all while uh increasing my lean muscle mass along the way. How do I know this?

I know this because I have one of those body composition scales. I don't know how accurate it is, but this is the information that it has provided me. So,

take from that what you will.

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All right, let's talk about the fitness piece. I'm not going to go into

piece. I'm not going to go into excruciating detail on every single exercise that I do. I think that would be quite boring. But I do want to say

that I started this by just doing the easiest lift possible. And by lift I

mean the most basic PT exercises. Pelvic

floor work, glute activation, core activation, very subtle, gentle movements that require almost zero

exertion. And I think that was important

exertion. And I think that was important in helping to break the seal and make it easier for me to go back into the gym knowing that I wasn't going to be able to just start bench pressing or anything

like that. You know, that would be a

like that. You know, that would be a terrible idea.

And by doing that every single day and not holding on to any kind of expectations of progress, I realized some very gradual progress.

And just like with diet, that got me more emotionally engaged with the process and made it easier for me to wake up every morning and first thing

get right into the gym and get to work.

And basically that is how it began.

Simple walking either outdoors or on the treadmill and then these basic PT exercises. an extremely elementary

exercises. an extremely elementary routine that's easy to replicate, that isn't time consuming, uh, but is actually important. All of these tiny

actually important. All of these tiny little movements that I had been advised to do many years prior, but when you're training for something and you're time

crunched, it's easy to dismiss those things. all the foam rolling, all the

things. all the foam rolling, all the little glute activation exercises because you just want to get out and run or swim or ride your bike. But now I'm

making that the centerpiece of what I'm doing every day. And by making those little things the big things,

that is actually really moving the needle for me and has already proven uh to be incredibly beneficial in restoring

my connection with my body and then just building upon that very gradually. So

again, a lot of core activation stuff, subtle tiny little things. When I began, I couldn't hold a plank for more than 10 seconds. I think I could only do like

seconds. I think I could only do like two push-ups. I was so atrophied from

two push-ups. I was so atrophied from having not moved my body in such a long time, which is such a precipitous decline from being this guy who is at

one point named one of the 25 fittest men in the world. Like just a, you know, an incredibly egodlating, you know, kind of humbling experience.

But it's been fantastic because I'm in this blank slate reboot the operating system opportunity where I get to just

let go of all of that and avail myself of this amazing once in a-lifetime opportunity to basically approach my physical fitness from a

toddler raza perspective completely starting over. What would it look like

starting over. What would it look like if the universe made you stop and you couldn't do anything? And then in the

aftermath of that, you had to begin at the very beginning. And now I'm in this phase where I have this incredible gift

to create a brand new foundation for long-term stability, agility, movement, flexibility,

later aerobic capacity, and ultimately of course uh longevity, health span extension. And so that's the mindset

extension. And so that's the mindset that I'm approaching this with, not as a setback or some kind of failure or uh

you know kind of terrible thing that has happened to me, but instead this incredible opportunity like oh my goodness, what would happen if you had

to just stop and you had to figure out how to be still with yourself without being so uncomfortable that you're going to explode and feel like you have to run

away. And then with that stillness,

away. And then with that stillness, how can you rebuild yourself back up better than you ever have been before?

What an incredible opportunity. And so

that is the mindset tweak that I am approaching this with every single day.

And that allows me to feel enthusiastic for the process, to feel grateful for this opportunity that I've been given.

And that has layered it with this um level of joy that I can't say that I have experienced in the past. Like I've

always approached fitness and my athletic pursuits with this hardness.

You know, I'm like almost like I'm punishing myself and I have to go harder and harder and harder to see what I'm capable of. And this is a softer version

capable of. And this is a softer version of that that not only feels more sustainable obviously for obvious

reasons uh but also uh is giving me a degree of happiness that my relationship with fitness I think was

lacking before. And in that I can see my

lacking before. And in that I can see my own personal growth. As for the exercises themselves, like I said, they're super basic. Um, if you're really interested, at some point I can

share them. We have plans uh of kind of

share them. We have plans uh of kind of taking you inside uh my routine at a certain point. I'll be telling you guys

certain point. I'll be telling you guys about that more. But for now, suffice it to say that it's all really elementary stuff. There's nothing that I'm doing

stuff. There's nothing that I'm doing that that any of you couldn't be doing yourselves. And it is those little

yourselves. And it is those little things that are the big things. And I am building this foundation day by day. and

I'm seeing results without having to like overexert myself and push myself too hard. And that's been really

too hard. And that's been really encouraging and uplifting. Um, I

alternate my resistance training days where I'm doing very low weight, high rep stuff. Uh again, very careful to not

rep stuff. Uh again, very careful to not overexert myself or to do anything that is uh compressing my spine or putting pressure on that lower spine or or

overactivating those lower back muscles.

Always focused on making sure that my core is engaged. And then on every other day doing aerobic work, very uh low tier

zone two on the indoor trainer, my Zift kicker bike or on my Wahoo uh kicker treadmill. Um and that's been great.

treadmill. Um and that's been great.

Again, super modest. I kept these workouts at an hour 90 minutes max so that I can leave energized. And that has been an exercise in a different kind of

discipline. The discipline to hold back

discipline. The discipline to hold back because the last thing I want to do is do anything that is going to compromise my healing. Anything that's going to set

my healing. Anything that's going to set that back in any way. And as somebody who is prone to extremes and always, you know, is wanting to push things or go

the extra mile or outwork everybody in the room, it does take a different degree of discipline to not do that. to

do less than you can, less than you want to. And I think that is an important

to. And I think that is an important lesson that I've learned that is applicable not only to people who are in the process of recovering from a surgery

like I am, but also for those who are approaching their later decades in life where recovery really does become much more important and you have to be much

more conscious of being gentle with yourself in between those hard efforts so that your body has the extra time that it needs in those later years to

repair itself to restore itself in the aftermath of exercise induced stress. And so to summarize the

induced stress. And so to summarize the lessons that I've learned over the last year and then particularly the last few months as I've gotten back into fitness

and and exercising, it's not rocket science. Patience,

patience is everything. The little

things are the big things.

uh we tend to overestimate what we can achieve in small periods of time and wildly underestimate what we can accomplish when we extend that timeline.

I've always been a long game player. I'm

a tortoise. When the game is long, the tortoise is undefeated. And so I'm trying to inhabit that kind of tortoise energy. I'm not in a rush to accomplish

energy. I'm not in a rush to accomplish anything. There's no urgency to what I'm

anything. There's no urgency to what I'm doing right now. So, this gentleness that I'm bringing to it again has brought me joy. And I think there's a

profound lesson in that. Consistency is

everything. You've heard it before. I've

said it a million times. But the best way to create it and sustain it is to create these light lifts, these low lifts. What is the easiest way to get

lifts. What is the easiest way to get you in the gym? What I do is I set myself up for success the night before.

I have my gear ready in the morning. So,

I'm actually already engaged in the process the evening prior to the workout. So, when I wake up in the

workout. So, when I wake up in the morning, I feel like I've already taken action on that and it's easier to follow through. The other aspect of that is

through. The other aspect of that is setting yourself up for success by starting with very low lifts. If all you can do to get into the gym is promise

yourself that you're going to do a simple stretch, then commit to that. You

get in there, you do that stretch, you do a single push-up, you I don't know, you know, one glute activation exercise or one core activation exercise that's

so easy to do. You would do it watching television. You could do it in bed, you

television. You could do it in bed, you know, before you go to sleep. You start

with that and then what you'll notice is now you're engaged and it's easier to do the next thing and easier to do the next thing after that and easier to do the more difficult thing after that. Before

you know it, you're in a full-blown workout. When you do that, you create

workout. When you do that, you create momentum. Momentum is sacred. You want

momentum. Momentum is sacred. You want

to protect it. when you have it, go out of your way to basically make sure that it is perpetuated because once it's interfered with, it's very difficult to

get back. So, treat it as sacred. And

get back. So, treat it as sacred. And

then, like NBA legend Chris Paul said to me on the podcast a couple years ago, just keep stacking days. That's it.

Don't over complicate it. Final thing is creating accountability. You want to be

creating accountability. You want to be accountable to yourself. It's always

helpful to be accountable to other people. And that's one of the reasons

people. And that's one of the reasons why I started sharing on my Instagram stories just these little photos of my LED clock when I go into the gym in the

morning. Ironically, people seem to

morning. Ironically, people seem to enjoy this, so I kept doing it. But I'm

doing it not so much for anybody else out there, but really as this practice that holds myself accountable because now I've created this expectation that

every day I'm going to take a picture in the gym or maybe a little video and there's going to be a photo of that clock and everybody's going to know what time I got in there in the morning. And

it's just a little layer of pressure uh that I put on myself, a degree of accountability that makes it a non-negotiable that when I wake up,

okay, I got to go do that. Even though

nobody cares if I miss a day, like what's going to happen? Nothing. But

it's just a little bit of a nudge to help you get over the hump on those days when you just don't feel like it. So

find your own accountability practice.

It could be joining a friend in the gym.

Doesn't have to be the gym. Whatever it

is that you're, you know, new habit that you're trying to practice, some degree of accountability such that if you miss a day, somebody is going to notice.

Somebody might say something or maybe it's just a practice of accountability to yourself. You will know. And then the

to yourself. You will know. And then the biggest lesson or takeaway takes me to this notion of failure. how we think

about setbacks, how we think about failure. So in addition to being a

failure. So in addition to being a master class on patience, this recovery process has really been a powerful

reminder that perspective is actually a choice. that I actually have agency over

choice. that I actually have agency over how I feel about this stage of life, over this recovery from this surgery

that I'm enduring, over the kind of setbacks it's imposed on my health and well-being and my fitness and my identity as an athlete. And that by

approaching it not as something bad that happened to me that I have to get over, but instead as this extraordinary opportunity to grow, to learn, to

ultimately transform, and to become somebody new as a process of engaging with it is just been an amazing experience that I would have not

expected. this journey of discovery that

expected. this journey of discovery that gets me out of bed every single morning excited about what I'm going to discover, what I'm going to learn, and

who I can become in the process. In

other words, it's not how quickly can I get back to being that guy who can run every single day. It's about, oh my goodness, who can I become on the other

side of learning how to sit still with myself, learning how to be patient, learning how to approach my fitness from this perspective of joy and

self-honoring and self-love rather than self- flagagillation or suffering or it always having to be hard. And that's

been the real nugget because I'm not naturally wired to slow down, let alone stop. I know how to push myself. I know

stop. I know how to push myself. I know

how to strive. I know how to get up before everyone else and get after it harder than every single person and outwork everyone in the room. And as a

result of this facility for, you know, going hard, I have built an incredible life that I'm very proud of. But this

journey of healing has also taught me that this superpower that I've developed is also my greatest Achilles heel because it's robbed me of the ability to

be present in my life to actually enjoy this incredible life that I've built.

It's prevented me from truly being able to connect with not only myself but with other people, the people that I love. to

be able to truly give and receive love to the fullest capacity.

And I don't want to live that way anymore.

Recovering from this surgery has given me this opportunity to reconfigure my relationship with myself, this opportunity to learn how to be present, to value what's really

important. What's really important isn't

important. What's really important isn't the next mountain that I'm going to climb or the next accomplishment around

the bend. I've done a lot in my life and

the bend. I've done a lot in my life and I know at this stage in my life that those things aren't going to sate

whatever is ailing my soul.

What I need is to learn to open my heart to enjoy that life by being present in it. And this experience has given me

it. And this experience has given me that lesson. It's almost like the

that lesson. It's almost like the universe just designed it specifically for me. And it reminds me of

for me. And it reminds me of how I got sober and the way that the universe knocks when you're living out

of integrity. So, for example, when I

of integrity. So, for example, when I started drinking, first it was fun, then it was fun with problems, and then it was just problems. And along the way,

the universe started to knock. Hey,

you're kind of out of control. I'm going

to throw a little chaos in your direction. Or suddenly things that used

direction. Or suddenly things that used to work out for you aren't working out.

It's the universe's way of saying you might want to look at this behavior and course correct. And those knocks start

course correct. And those knocks start gently, but if you don't heed them or pay attention to them, they start to go get a little bit louder and then they get louder and there's a little bit more

drama and a little bit more chaos and more consequences.

And if you continue to ignore them, basically you're headed for total life dismantlement, which is what I needed in order to get sober. Like basically at

the end of my drinking, it was a pretty desperate case of loneliness and hopelessness. Uh, and that's what I

hopelessness. Uh, and that's what I needed to wake up and and basically grab the reigns of sobriety and start rebuilding my life.

But the universe had to knock pretty loud before I was willing to listen. And

I think in this instance, starting back in 2010, the universe started to knock and say, "Hey, I'm going to throw you this little back pain here because there's something in your

life that is out of alignment that you need to look at figuratively and actually like literally my spine was out of alignment. You got to fix this."

But there was something in my approach to life that was also out of alignment.

This hardness, this self flagagillation, this proclivity to put yourself in a position to suffer as a way of feeling

alive or to give myself a sense of meaning or purpose. If I wasn't suffering, if I wasn't pushing, then I wasn't worthy or I didn't feel worthy of

love and acceptance. The pain got worse.

The universe is knocking, trying to get my attention. Hey, I think you need to

my attention. Hey, I think you need to slow down. I think you need to look at

slow down. I think you need to look at this. And I had to endure pain for 15

this. And I had to endure pain for 15 years until I was completely debilitated and forced into a corner in order to heed this message that the universe for a very long time has been trying to tell

me, which is that the answers that you're seeking are not in the hardness or in the suffering. They're in the surrender. They're in the letting go.

surrender. They're in the letting go.

They're in the stillness. They're in

developing the capacity to be with yourself in peace. Because only in the present moment are you capable of

experiencing the full capacity of love, self-acceptance, compassion, all of these things, gratitude, serenity that I struggle so mightily to experience in my

life. And so this has been the greatest

life. And so this has been the greatest gift that I could have ever been given because it's given me a master class in how to begin to get more still, to get

more present so that I can truly enjoy this life that I've been blessed uh to experience. The point in all this

experience. The point in all this storytelling and this discussion of the knocks and the universe is to say that

every so-called failure, something we call a failure or setback, is actually always an opportunity in disguise. An

opportunity to grow, to learn, to broaden yourself, and to expand your perspective so that you can expand your experience of life. The final thing I want to talk about is goals. Why am I in

the gym every single day? Why am I sharing it publicly? What is my goal?

And I want to start this part of the discussion off by saying that at this phase in my life, I'm actually not a huge fan of setting goals. If I do have a goal, it's to be more present in my

life, which is sort of an anti-goal. And

I say this as somebody who has a lifetime of setting goals, working towards them, falling short of achieving them, and successfully achieving them.

And I think goals are super important.

They add structure to your life. They

give you something to focus your attention upon. And the process of

attention upon. And the process of working towards them is a self-esteem building process of learning about

yourself uh and giving you uh a sense of possibility in your life. So super

valuable. But I think for me right now, my life is less about goals and more about being present, being open to what's happening, being able to pivot

and be malleable to uh what is actually happening in my life because as I said earlier, like I know that achieving any goal that I set for myself in the

material realm really isn't going to sate whatever continues to be lacking in my soul. That will only be satisfied

my soul. That will only be satisfied through connection with myself, with other people, with spirit, and by

deepening my capacity once again to give and receive love. These are not goal oriented tasks, not in the traditional

sense at least. But all of that being said, I'm going to be contradictory here because I have set a goal, one that I'm holding loosely. And that is a goal to

holding loosely. And that is a goal to structure my days to hold myself accountable. And this goal is twofold.

accountable. And this goal is twofold.

First, I want to be as fit as possible by the time I turn 60. I turn 60 on October 20th. So, I have this window of

October 20th. So, I have this window of time between uh now, which is spring of 2026, and October 20 of 2026 to see

what's possible in the gym. Like I said, I've never been a gym person, but what would happen if I went in there and really focused on building my muscle mass and getting lean and getting ripped, and that's kind of fun and

exciting. Uh because I've never done

exciting. Uh because I've never done that before. And I want to see if it's

that before. And I want to see if it's possible, not just for me, but for anybody who is engaging with their later years on the precipice of of of turning

60 to do it as a plant-based person. Can

I put on all this lean muscle mass as a 60-year-old uh person who has been plant-based for nearly 20 years at this point? It's a fun challenge. I don't

point? It's a fun challenge. I don't

have to take it that seriously, but it does get me enthusiastic and engaged with this fitness journey that I'm currently on right now. And also as a

testament to what's possible in the wake of undergoing a significant surgery as hopefully inspiration to anybody else out there who is in the process of

considering such a surgery or is contending with the aftermath of it and and the very difficult recovery process.

And the second goal is really a celebration of the first, which is to participate in the New York City Marathon in November, which I think is in early November this year, very

shortly after my 60th birthday. Not to

set a PR, not to even necessarily run the whole thing, but just to be able to participate, to be able to cover the distance as a runner or a walker among

many other thousands of of runners and walkers to just celebrate movement, a return to movement. Not for any kind of like self- glorification. I've done so

many hard endurance events in my life.

I've got nothing to prove. But again,

just to kind of celebrate being alive, being restored in the wake of this surgery and to enjoy being an endurance

athlete again, even if it's on a very modest level uh into my sixth decade and to do it as an act of service again, to

show what's possible, to uh express joy because joy is enthusiastic and that's really what I'm interested in these days, not PRs. More gratitude, more

presence, more joy. And that is a priority that would not have been possible had I not undergone this surgery, been forced to stop, been compelled to kind of reckon with my

inner demons and my discomfort of being still, and uh the challenges to my identity, my tendency to compare where I

am now versus where I used to be. I've

been able to really let most of that go and just be okay with who I am right now, knowing that we're all in a process of becoming

all the time.

And I'm excited to figure out who I'm going to become, and I hope you are as well. In conclusion, train where you're

well. In conclusion, train where you're at, not where you used to be, where you think you should be, where you feel like you deserve to be, or where you want to

be. Because you can't solve a problem

be. Because you can't solve a problem until you're in full acceptance of it.

That's absolutely essential. And whether

it's diet, nutrition, training, fitness, or some other kind of healthy habit that you're trying to master, try to approach it from a place of joy with a learning

mindset. And try to let go of the

mindset. And try to let go of the hardness like you're punishing yourself like I have to lose weight or I have to get fit or, you know, I don't like how I

look. Like all of that self-loathing and

look. Like all of that self-loathing and negativity and heaviness isn't necessary. do it from a place of

isn't necessary. do it from a place of self-reverence or self-love or self-honoring. And in my experience, and

self-honoring. And in my experience, and this is new for me, that's what opens the door to joy and to gratitude. And

when you have those, it opens the door to wonder. And when you have wonder,

to wonder. And when you have wonder, then it raises the ceiling on how you think about possibility in your life. and this

journey that we're all on all the time towards becoming. Who can you become if

towards becoming. Who can you become if you approach these seemingly difficult things from that place of joy, from a

lighter place, a place of of self-respect and self-honoring? Um,

that's what I'm trying to do. Maybe we

can do it together. I'm not saying this is easy. It's definitely

is easy. It's definitely counterprogramming for me, but so far it's been worth it. And I can tell you that I'm happier in my life, and I am

more present. And I'm also just as

more present. And I'm also just as engaged with my health and my fitness as I ever have been, but without all the hardness and the heaviness that I have

historically always associated with it.

Final thought, you don't have to do any of this. Remember, these are things that

of this. Remember, these are things that we get to do. They are gifts of being alive. So that's it. I hope you found it

alive. So that's it. I hope you found it helpful. Uh I would like to know what

helpful. Uh I would like to know what you guys are working on. What is a goal that you've set for yourself? What is an aim or an ambition uh that you would

like to see realized in this year? And

how can I help you get there? Leave a

comment below with your thoughts. We

read all of them. And maybe it will be the subject of a future solo episode.

These have been really fun for me. Uh

definitely out of my comfort zone.

Hopefully I'm getting a little bit more comfortable with this format, a little bit more relaxed. Uh and I'm enjoying it. I hope you guys are as well. And

it. I hope you guys are as well. And

we'll see you on the next one. All

right. Peace, everybody.