Respond with Confidence: Tips to Improve Your Communication Skills

if you want to change your life for the better well this is one of the best ways to do it on today's episode we're talking how to respond with confidence welcome to the Jefferson Fisher podcast

where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything if you enjoy learning tools to improve your communication I'm going to ask you to please follow this podcast

and if you would leave a review I'm going to let you know that my book the next conversation is officially out on pre-order it is a book that's going to teach you how to say things with control

to say it with confidence and to say it to connect and as always if you have any topic suggestions for this podcast you can just throw them in the comments if you want to sound more confident do this

number one eliminate the fluff eliminate the fluff you know what I'm talking about fluff is that kind of well I mean you know it's it's just this um it's

just this I mean you know it's it's um a Fluff fluff that absolutely kills the confidence in your responses number two we're going to work on up talk that is

where you begin to increase in the tone of your voice almost like you're asking a question instead of saying something like this it sounds kind of like this at the end of your sentences they upt talk

and that's not good because it makes it sound like everything you're saying is a question like you're uncertain about it and number three we're going to work on word choice that means we're going to eliminate ending your sentences with you

know what I mean we're going to eliminate using the word just all the time and we're going to minimize your alliance on adverbs those are words that end in ly literally now I want to be

clear there is a difference between talking to friends and talking in a professional setting period when you're talking to people that are close to you who cares about fluff words if you are

fumbling over your words and you're saying um and you know and uh I mean well maybe you know anytime you're saying that to a friend no problem it's

casual it's coming able it's part of the conversation but if you're talking in a professional setting maybe at work maybe in front of an important group do you hear I just said that in uh an important

group then it's not that not great for you because it makes it sound as if you were uncertain like you're hesitant like you're not sure what you're wanting to

say but in regular conversation it's it's part of the game now about fluff fluff comes in all shapes and sizes and I want you to think think about it as if

it is static it's a filler they call them filler words I like to say fluff um they also are ways of thinking about it of too much ice in your drink because

they dilute your message if you want to sound confident you got to serve your words straight so when you begin a sentence in front of a group they ask you a question and it's you're on the

spot to respond and the first thing out of your mouth is um that's very common to ask you a question and the first thing you want to say is

um uh well uh automatically that confidence and how you sound just tanks because you're not communicating you're just wanting to make sound out that's

really what it is we feel comfortable when we're have this constant sound wave whenever there's the constant just noise whether it's actual words being articulated or not we just like hearing

that that sound so that's why it comes out that way if that somebody ask me a question and I go um you know well I mean it it it depends you know you see

how vague that is versus you ask me a question and the first thing uh that I say is I haven't run across that before I think it depends on a number of factors and I begin to speak very

different same goal I'm telling them I've never run a cross set before very different sound so you want to find ways to eliminate that fluff and how you do it it's very simple it's very simple

okay enough it's so simple you're going to be like Jefferson I I knew this but are you doing it the question here is do you know how to eliminate that fluff and

you do it by saying nothing wherever the fluff would be just get used to silence that's that easy get comfortable with silence that's it you just get

comfortable with silence so wherever that filler word would be say nothing the way I teach and I know I've said this on my podcast for let your breath be the first word that you say so when somebody asks you a question that you

don't know the worst thing you can do is go um and look up as if you're searching for the words instead take a breath let

that silence be there and then you get to respond you don't have to have just noise for the sake of noise give it a pause and fill that space with absolute

nothing allow your breath to catch the attention for them to hang on on to your next words for you to say I haven't run across that before but what I am confident about is we can look at X Y

and Z that's how you handle fluff now upt talk is a little bit different and I find that it is very dependent on gender most of the

time or men don't really have this issue but women do it's a it's an upt talk uh just because of the way you can tweak the end and sound of your voice but it certainly happens to the guys too I

don't want to say it's just a female thing or a male thing at all it's not but it it sounds like this and when you have that people who are in the office and they're

talking to you and they go yeah I think I can do that I mean yeah we can probably get it to you by Friday like as if you're hanging on to it as if they're asking for permission in some way when

you say that and you sound like that it cuts down in your confidence because it sounds like you're not sure it sounds like you're unclear and you're asking for permission in some way think think

of it this way this is how I want you to say your words ask as if you're asking someone to pass the salt all right here over in America in Texas if I'm going to

ask somebody to pass a salt I'm going to say hey so and so can you pass the salt period you see how my my volume use my my tone there at the the end went down

can you pass the salt so when you end on a lower note it sounds more serious you see that and instead of saying it sounds more serious it sounds more serious when

you up talk it sounds like you're asking a question when you go down it sounds like you're making a firm statement so I wouldn't say hey can you pass the salt as if I don't know what salt is or you

don't know what salt is instead I say can you pass the salt as if I'm assuming yes everybody knows what it is I'm going to keep that that Cadence flat and if I can drop the tone just a little bit at

the bottom to make it sound a lot more firm and a lot more confident all right this one is uh this one's going to step on some toes a little bit this is word

choice word choice what are the words that you're saying to sound confident at any given time one of the biggest

culprits in my view is ending your sentence with something that doesn't feel firm does that make sense there it is right there this element of does that

make sense every time you ask that question you're doing something that is double-sided Let Me Explain If I'm going to tell you something and I make a

statement and I say does that make sense I'm doing two things the reason I'm saying that reason you may be saying that is because it's this internal fear

or insecurity of maybe the words that I'm saying aren't actually making sense to someone they're not clear I'm not I'm

not communicating well on the other side I'm assuming that what I am saying may or may not be making sense to them so the other person it could also be

offensive in some way to them especially if you make it after a statement that is very common like in the sky is blue today does that make sense the other

person's like oh yeah of course of course it makes sense yeah yeah it makes sense you just it was a plain sentence there's nothing complicated about that so in some ways you may be insulting their intelligence by saying does that

make sense you you poor pitiful mind you does does that do I need to go a little bit slower for you so I'm not saying it's all the time but it definitely runs that risk I've certainly had it where

somebody asks does that make sense after a statement where I only say yes yes that that makes sense how how else could I have taken that sentence but I know where it's coming from is this

insecurity feeling of am I saying it right am I doing okay it's best that you eliminate that all right instead of saying does that make sense you can

replace that with what are your thoughts that's it what are your thoughts do you have any questions do you have any feedback my favorite is what are your thoughts instead of does that make sense

I'm saying what are your thoughts I'm inviting communication I'm inviting continuing the conversation instead of do we need to stop and set a new paragraph for you to feel comfortable

with this I'm inviting them what are your thoughts what do you think that's it they might say oh I'm I'm good I don't have any thoughts that sounds great awesome but at least I'm not assuming that they didn't understand

what I said if I said does that make sense so I would get rid of that just replace it with what are your thoughts another way to tweak some of your communication to sound more confident is

eliminate the word just I love the word just in my regular day conversation it's very common but if I'm going to communicate in front of a group try to eliminate it or if you're going to email

somebody try to eliminate it here the difference if I text you or email or I say to you hey hey uh I just wanted to

check in I just want to touch Bas that sounds almost hesitant doesn't it hey just want to check in that sounds almost

hesitant versus hey I wanted to check in on you I wanted to touch Bas that sounds like I'm leaning into it I'm not shying

away I'm stepping into it I wanted to do this versus hey I I just wanted to as if I'm just a little bit don't I'm not trying to get in your space very

different eliminate that word just because it makes you sound more hesitant in your communication and that's that's not the way you you want to sound another is the way you use adverbs I'm

going to step on a little bit of toes here with with this and that is often when you overuse adverbs it makes it more fluffy to where you're really not

saying anything we all have these little ticks that we like to say maybe we got them from family maybe we got them from friends or where you're wherever you're working but they cut down on the

confidence and assertiveness of your sentences so here some words like that essentially big a culprit literally

those two alone basically anything that ends with l y here is a very common response when somebody is responding to something or a answering a question that

you're asking they're going to say so essentially I mean what we have is that means nothing that means nothing it's just it's just fluff those are Comfort words those are security blankets that

you'd like to have it's going to be best if you eliminate those there's not some kind of cure you just need to find ways to get rid of them if you ever see an

email that says essentially or basically or literally or any other type of words understand you can just eliminate them and they're going to be a whole lot better remember if you want to have

strong sentences you need to just serve your words straight every time okay we're one of my favorite parts of the podcast and that is where I get to answer a question from a follower every

week one time a week I send a communication tip right to your inbox and those that are part of the newsletter I'll put a link down here in the in the show notes you're able to

email me back and ask questions and I'm able to connect with you and try to help any way I can and it's a whole lot of fun and I get a it's it's really meaningful to me so I like it a whole

lot I pulled one this one is from Emily in South Carolina Emily says Hey Jefferson I love your stuff thank you Emily I have a question I'm part of a large sales team and I have to go around

the country giving presentations that's that's really cool but I have an issue or a problem with answering questions that I don't know I often have this dear

in the headlights look how can I avoid that any advice helps awesome Emily I totally got you you're not the only one anybody that's in sales and there are a

lot of people out there we all get they all get this they all can empathize empathize with this and anybody who's not from the United States or you're not familiar with this saying when she means

deer in the headlights look if you've ever seen an animal a deer in the headlights of a car they just freeze that's what happens they freeze their eyes kind of go wide and they don't move

it's that feeling where you just kind of feel Paralyzed by somebody's question here's what I'm going to recommend that you do Emily you ready number one anytime you get a question that you

don't know I want you to take a beat take a second there's the tendency to if somebody asks you a question you have to have a very rapid fire answer like it's

this notion somehow that if they ask a question you have to have this rapid answer right away they ask a question you go um I that's not really true and I really think that give it a break give it a break you

don't have to have this immediate ASAP answer instead like we talked about letay your breath be the first word give it a second listen to their question take a breath as if you were

really chewing on it and acknowledging it and and wanting to think about what they just asked and then begin with your response all right number two go to your

past experience you have experience Emily I know that you do I don't know how much but everybody's got some kind of experience instead of saying I don't

know or I'm not sure one little tweak to that is go off of your past experience meaning instead of saying I don't know which by the way there's nothing wrong with saying you can say I haven't run

across that before easy as that in my experience that hasn't been an issue period go on your past experience you

all everybody has some kind of experience that they can draw from I haven't R across that before in my experience blah blah blah in my time here we don't see that as being an issue

you draw from your own past experience because it makes it look like instead of this isolated incident of going no I don't sorry I'm somebody who doesn't know the answer you're going no I have years of experience here and that hasn't

been an issue and you can follow it up with let's say it's they ask a question and you go I haven't run across that before but what I can do is X Y and Z

but I'll make sure and double check that with our it team you you pivot to make sure that you're kind of taken care of if this is a question that you truly don't know and you haven't run across before instead of saying I don't know

and leaving it at that you can do to it's like a combo package I haven't run across that before in my experience that hasn't been an issue but what I can do is follow up with our it team and make sure we get that take that concern taken

care for you right just kind of do that little pivot and now it feels like a little package with a bow on it that sounds really good another thing number three Emily is use the word confident

use the word confident in your responses it just makes you sound confident cuz they hear out of your mouth so if you're going to respond to it for example instead of this I don't

know blanket response and say I haven't really across that before but what I'm confident we can do is X Y and Z just use the word confident if you plug that into your sentence you know what they're

going to think oh this person's very confident just because they heard you say it so find ways to to do that so we're going to talk about uh giving a beat to what you just said not having that immediate response we're going to

draw from your past experience in and make you sound just as you are seasoned and experienced uh salesman salesperson and then also we're going to make sure

that you insert where you can the word confident which is going to boost that feeling for them and for you you got this all right thank you for listening to the Jefferson Fisher podcast if you

enjoyed this episode I'm going to encourage you to follow this podcast and if you would leave a review or a star or anything it really makes a difference as I mention my book is on pre-order it's

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