Stanford MBA Essay Example: Breakdown & Analysis

hi my name is Amilia and this is Leland we've helped more than 10,000 people get into the best MBA programs in the world and reach their other ambitious goals today we will be deconstructing a

successful Stanford GSB essay The Notorious what matters most and why with a professional NBA admissions coach and Stanford GSB alumnist make sure to like And subscribe for more Insider MBA tips

and [Music] tricks hi Ben really excited to talk about the Stanford GSB essay today first

I would love for you to introduce yourself awesome um well uh I think first things first I'm from uh you know from the Queens area in in New York

Queens Long Island um but went to wasu for undergrad um went to McKenzie after that and then did uh the mayor's office in Chicago before going to GSB um and then I've done a smattering of things

since then writing um startup stuff I'm running a chess uh a chess company at the moment but um I think I've also like really enjoyed like a lot of the stuff we've done here at Leland with teaching this class understanding and helping

people how to write um and and particularly some of these tricky loaded uh essay topics that I think can um ultimately be a great vehicle for

self-reflection but like also are um you know they ask a lot of tough questions and people don't necessarily know what to put in these and what really belongs so uh it's nice to do this yeah let's let's let's dive in and deconstruct one

of this essay as you say Stanford is kind of notorious for really challenging essay prompts what matters most to you and why why Stanford these are really Hefty topics that you have to answer in a very limited amount of words so today

we're going to deconstruct what matters most and why essay from a couple years ago that did get this person admitted into Stanford GSB we've got this essay so Ben just to Dive Right In this first

paragraph what from a high level makes this a really strong first paragraph and what could be potentially strengthened yeah um so this first paragraph I think I would call like a

classic hook um and uh the best thing I think that this writer does from a hook perspective in terms of just grabbing the reader attention um is just wasting no time so a lot of the stuff is and a lot of the

attention in terms of writing and and analyzing writing is focused on what the words are that are there on on the piece of paper but I think what's not there is really important this essay doesn't start with uh for several years I want

to you know describe all the volunteer work that I've done and here's why volunteering no this is just a scene from this person's life and we are just being dropped into their world uh into

in a first person point of view uh kind of way um and so to that extent I think like just getting into it and talking about the emotions uh that were on the field at this at this point in time uh that's the first thing I think that

jumps out that that goes well here I love that anything that that does that this that this first paragraph doesn't do that it probably should have

done um I think I think the first paragraph does in general achieve the main things it's looking to a achieve um I think uh I I think in some respects if

you're if you're looking at this with a very cynical eye and you're saying like you know can I save can I save some space here is is all of this detail needed probably you could cut down a few of these sentences and just get to the

essence of it if you were a constrained um but I do like the detail I like that um he goes into or here or she goes into um both uh the description of the event but then stepping back and actually reflecting on it like what are the act

like nobody cares about this specific experience per se but what we do care about is how it like what the salience is for the actual writer um and and admissions cares that you actually do extrapolate lessons from this and in

this case the writer extrapolates a lesson that then um feeds into the rest of of their narrative and forms the core of it um I think a couple other things worth pointing out here too Amelia um

from a technical perspective less about style um he tells hereu tells you right away like what matters most um and I think that that's really important and right at the end of that first paragraph

is a great place to Nest your your what matters most statement um I think it lands the the plane really well for this paragraph which is otherwise descriptive and emotional and fun and you know in some ways like it feels like a warm hug

of an experience so I think that that's uh that's a nice touch but you got to dovetail it with um with the actual goal here what matters most to you and why is the question uh and so I think answering

that early on really orients the reader yeah I want to highlight that in yellow because I I I think it's so important uh if you don't answer answer the question what matters most to you and why you

know X number one you have to be able to answer that question clearly and leave no room for doubt to the admissions committee uh Ben I'd love to us to break down a couple of these sentences and and uh kind of piece piece through what

makes it what makes it such a strong first paragraph any any sentences that particularly stand out to you yeah um I I think uh I think there's

a couple um first is is that last sentence I think it's very clear uh and straightforward but I like that like I like the simple sentence you know you thought we would have won the Super Bowl players parents coaches storm the field

in celebration you can imagine everyone storming the field everyone's seen this in some capacity whether it's March Madness or uh you know the NCAA finals or just like any any game that you've been to in Little League um people can relate to this experience they

understand how how excited everybody is in the moment so I think it is descriptively dense and a good visual for everybody um I also think embedded in that is just a general self-awareness

you would have thought we' won the Super Bowl this in the same uh in the same light like this writer understands this isn't actually the Super Bowl this is a this is a B team that like is like you

know it's it's a it's a high school B Team it isn't particularly accomplished they didn't win any games until this last game so it's not like they've been having like this this incredible run of a season um but it but it goes to show I

think as well and maybe this is a little bit of a a meta commentary on this paragraph that you can extrapolate from a sentence like this um that it's not about writing about the most impressive thing in the world and you don't have to

have like I always say like you don't have to have founded like 14 companies by the time you were 14 it's completely fine this is this is the lead paragraph the first paragraph that an admissions person reads of your most important

essay um for uh you know in in this person's case their Top Choice program they went with this this is not this is not amazing this isn't something you might even see on a resume probably wouldn't even make the resume but it is

a it is a sweet experience and it and it is the thing is the conduit from which uh this person derives their um their what matters most yeah I love that point um they want they want to know who you are not what you've

done you know that's what the resume is for that's what the interview is for that's what so many other aspects of your of your application are for this is all about who you are um and I also want to point out that that last sentence is

so strong but I think one of the reasons why it's so strong is the preceding sentence which is for me the satisfaction I felt wasn't the result of the numbers on the scoreboard but the end of a long gradual and challenging

process of developing the skills and work ethic of each player I think that kind of helps lead the Adcom to the conclusion of why that matters most to him uh and it's really important not to leave important gaps in your narrative

because they will be filled by someone that that doesn't know your narrative um any any other any other like last minute High Lev thoughts on this first paragraph no and I think you bring up a

great point but uh the the the point that maybe even layers on top of that is anyone can have a favorite sentence from this paragraph and what what makes a great paragraph a great paragraph is

that every sentence does work there is no wasted there is no wasted fluff here you are describing the moment you're talking about why the moment moment mattered to you and then you articulating the actual mattering in that final

sentence I love that uh let's move on to the second paragraph sure again kind of high level good things bad

things yeah um so I I think with a paragraph like this um the first thing to remember U maybe just a yellow like kind of like a yellow card that goes up

is this isn't a without necessarily the the the writer per se uh directly they are they are a passive Observer here the tldr of this paragraph is basically

their family took in a a a kid or teenager who was struggling LifeWise uh and and his mom or her mom turned turn this kid's life around in a meaningful

way and so to the writer that was a real his his his or her mother was a real um role model in empowerment and showed what it would take to take somebody from

a troubled state to hey they're actually able to pave their own way and become an allate Runner graduate college do all the do all these things that um people do who are trying to try to move forward

in their life um so I think to that end um the yellow card goes up but I think this paragraph is short and sweet enough where and and honest enough where the person is the person who's writing this

is like hey this was actually the first time I saw this take place I saw it firsthand I wasn't equipped I was just a kid myself to actually be um be the

Agent of Change but I was able to be um I I was able to to be a fly on the wall uh and and here's why this experience mattered to me and here's what I took away from it I think to that end if you have an experience that feels or has has

the has the vibe that this does I I think it's totally um totally writable yeah for sure uh you make an important point on that passive piece of course each essay is so hyper

personalized to each individual but generally would you would you recommend airing away from passive observ ation experiences and focusing on on things that you were more of a of a proactive

participant I I I do in general like all else equal when nothing ever is but to the extent that all else equal like you should be the main character in your essay this is what matters most to you and why this isn't what matters most in

your objective opinion or what matters most for the world this is what matters most in your world so to that um to that end I think like you should be the you should be the protagonist in most of the paragraphs that you that you put down on

paper um and and to funnily enough like I've had people write their essays about like a sibling or a parent or something like that and they write all their pars I'm like well that person might be a great fit for Stanford but we don't

really have any evidence from you that you are um it is a little bit nauseating to talk about yourself throughout anay I think it's something we should you know put out there which is like I don't like

I don't think people oftentimes are always trying to think about how do I take these experiences of mine and package them into an essay and and you know write about things that are like in some some ways emotional and in some

ways personal but also professionally you know weaving in our accomplishments I think put all that noise aside and just try to focus on the experiences that that tie together within your

narrative um but I I do think um uh Amilia and and maybe this is maybe where you want to go actually where do you want to go next well I I I want to talk a little bit about the timeline of this because I think it's it's a it's a it's

a good thing to do generally he starts with something that's present that that uh like a very significant experience that happened you know somewhat recently and then this next paragraph jumps back

in time to when he kind of believed that he started to form this value is that a good structure that you generally see how do you think about timeline for this essay and other kind of personal statement

essays yeah I I think in general um most essays evolve chronologically um the reason from a logical perspective that I

think that happens is it's hard to learn from experience a if experience B happened uh sorry it's hard it's hard to learn from an experience uh if if another experience happened before it uh

and extrapolate the lessons from experience B back to experience a that doesn't that doesn't really work um you can't just like claim that you learned something at a new job and say that it applied to your old job like you didn't apply the learning from the new job

because the second one happened after probably could have expressed that a little bit more clearly but chronologically I think uh is is typically the way to go but to the extent that you have an experience that

for example this person has this football you know this football experience um it if it crystallizes the concept for you and that was the moment

in time where you realized oh man empowering others and the process behind that is what matters most to me awesome like that that can be your lead and then you can pull back and you know guide

your reader uh to to an earlier or a later point in time as you see fit that's great um any specific sentences stand out to you in this paragraph and like you said it's very subjective but

anything that feels really really strong and important um let me think about this first paragraph you know honestly like sometimes like a simple topic sentence

and a simple final sentence do the trick for me from a young age I had great examples of how to bring out the best in people awesome really easy I know first off there is that there is that guidepost timeline Wise from for the

first four words so they let you know that we're going back and then hey we're still talking about this same thing and the goal here in human terms is you know empowerment these big words they they have a lot of connotations we're just

trying to bring out the best in people here puts it in really simple terms for the reader and and I think uh the the book end of this paragraph my question was answered when I saw the Joy on my

mom uh my mom felt that she watched we watched Mary succeed that's great um this is this is a great way to say something as it happened and as it was

felt at the time it's good to be honest in your reflection about where were you actually then don't use 2020 hindsight and like use your in some ways your current brain to try to explain

experiences that took place in the past especially if you're talking about an experience from your childhood use your child brain use use that like always take your first person perspective and try to reimagine yourself going through

that experience to help you redescribe it don't try to describe it always just from your your current Vantage Point um and in in this case the person was like you know what the evidence that this was this was impactful I could see it on my

mom's face I obviously could see it in this person's life but for for the writer it was it was the joy that the mom felt that that resonated with him that's so important I think it's so easy

to put a nice little glaze of of who I am now on all of this essay but the most powerful essays that I've read come from being led through each aspect of this person's life what what brought them to where they are today and how did they

feel in that moment because that's how you see the growth is understanding where someone was and where someone is now um and so when frame it by where you were it's it's much easier to see that

growth one thing that I know we that we talked about with that potentially make would make this paragraph A Little Bit Stronger Ben is it kind of jumps from this this really struggling teen uh and

wondering if it was all worth it and then pause cut scene Mary went on to defy the odds finishing High School becoming an all state Runner and graduating college that feels a little bit of a of an Abrupt transition would

you agree and and if so how how would you maybe change that yeah uh so so again word count is is part of this so I think if we're going to be maximally if

we're going to be maximally forgiving to the writer we go hey we can't describe everything no worries uh you know maybe we'll talk about this later but uh thanks for thanks for talking about the

experience and then the the resonance and the impact that that it had on you um that's great but if we're being maximally cynical we could say huh this seemed to just happen by some sort of

voodoo magic like how did like did the mom like have some special tricks up or sleve that that made this happen like what what did they what did this person actually do to empower uh you know a struggling teenager trying to make their

way in life and I guess just there's a black box there um and you can be sure that uh schools uh who have access to your essays and read your essays before their application I'm thinking like top

of line is HBS um they're going to ask you okay how how did this happen what was the experience like what did like what did your mom do specifically why like why was that the choice way where

there other options like who knows they can pry into that Gap um so anytime you in your application um you feel yourself at least noticing an omission of yours

consider that a possible interview question and have you only put and this is where like you only should put honest things in your essay because like if you are If there really is a black box there and you really don't know you're going

to look pretty bad if you get asked a question you can't talk about your own experiences that you wrote about in your personal essays um so I think that I think that matters a lot um but stepping

all the way back outside your ESS as a writer be cognizant of what you are including and what you are not including and go through those trade-offs in your head actually ask yourself consciously

would it make sense to describe why or how this change took place like it's sometimes it's it's good to describe um the inputs to the machine and the outputs of the machine but sometimes

it's more interesting to talk about the the actual algorithm the actual gears in the machine so depending on what you're what you're going for just know what know what choices you're making I love that I think that's all that needs to be said about this

paragraph and want to double down on the point of being authentic so so important that every single piece of your essay is authentic to you and your story moving into this this third paragraph where we're kind of

accelerating this the snowball is snowballing high level once again what are what are some things that that this person did well and maybe not so well yeah and actually just I just wanted to say well last thing which is

just like uh on that last piece just in terms of authenticity and like I like I I read essays uh too much probably on this from this at least in this in this one this one particular essay especially

like you can sense it when someone's full of it you can just sense it um and it's not particularly hard to detect and people think that they're clever they're not uh you're not and you should just write about your life uh and if you're

trying to project someone else's life or something else it's just going to be seen straight through these are professionals that are looking at these essays they this is what they do for a living so just just remember that and also remember that like you know if

you're making a soup like one of the like under everyone was talk about the stuff that goes in the soup the vegetables the chicken whatever you know what's really underrated the broth really really really really matters authenticity is the broth of this essay

if you don't have it your essay is going to taste like crap doesn't matter so okay that point a great analogy I'm gonna use that you know it's not

trademark still so so um this next paragraph again like my ability to bring out the best in others has been tested and expanded um this paragraph is uh interesting in that it's actually two

examples kind of wrapped in one it's sort of uh he's basic here is basically talking about like being on a being on you know a particular team uh and the actual uh sorry let me see let me see if

I'm seeing this right yeah we're one we're one paragraph up I experienced empowerment exactly so um I I think understanding that um experience yeah experiencing power from different

playing with lacrosse like this is this person's experience being empowered first and foremost on their team so they go from passively observing it in their

in their house as a kid to hey like I actually know what it feels like when someone brings out the Best in Me Myself uh that that's a really cool I think that's a really cool like thing to do in

your in your essay is like oh I'm actually understanding this experience or you know an analog is like I saw the effects in my hometown I saw the effects in my immediate neighborhood and my immed Med Community that's great uh and

then in the second part of this paragraph Thanks to him you know thanks to his influence I ended up having a great season awesome uh I thought of Jake off when I was captain of the team three years later okay interesting new experience took every opportunity to

encourage and build the players up instilling confidence deserve praise I think now you see this person has evolved into the captain and now for the first time is that Agent of Change and

even though it's just on a team you know in maybe in college that is totally fair game for your essays anything is really um but it's a transition and an evolution of the what matters most

statement from passive to active and I think that's a that's a meaningful one so um this is really one paragraph but but it's two examples and I think uh to

that end it's uh it's again quite dense uh in a good way um but notice again like it's so simply put like there's no complic encouraged just like the hardest word to read in this in this entire

paragraph um but I think the evolution of the what matters most statement is the most important piece I love that and logically that makes very that that makes a lot of sense this progression right I mean what

what how did I learn empowerment well it was through observation of the people around me in this case this person's mom next paragraph I then experienced empowerment firsthand second part of this paragraph now I'm actually doing

the empowering I think that that makes a lot of sense and also shows the Adcom or whoever is reading this this person Not only was able to recognize the strength in someone else but then had the power and the confidence and whatever else was

needed to actually go and do that themselves which is so hard especially for Stanford which is looking for initiators they want people who can actually make a change and I think it's a really power of narrative saying I I I noticed this trait and then I was

actually able to replicate it myself um any any anything that could be improved with this paragraph I like you I think it's a really strong paragraph but yeah anything really solid same uh same

thought uh you know to the to the one before which is just like still feels and I think all the examples in this essay do feel a little bit like they're missing the mechanism of change they're missing how the change took place so um

you know since many of them were rooting for me to fail caus me to play timidly our captain invested real time and energy to make me better and encourage me to play aggressively other than encouraging aggressive play there isn't

really any other evidence as to the how beh behind how he went from a timid player to an aggressive player basically someone told him to be more aggressive again if I were interviewing this person be like you know drop me into the you know drop me into like the the team room

after after a game like what does that sound like does that look like um so it's it does beg that question but otherwise yeah I think it's a strong paragraph awesome let's move on to the

second to last paragraph uh this one he's talking about his again his ability to empower others and how he's how he's developing this high level this this

first part uh what do you like about it yeah high level um again good topic sentence I I think the um I think we've clearly moved forward in time we're

we're we're in a you know we're in a professional setting now which I think is good I don't really have a preference I don't think it really matters whether your Essa is more personal or

professional leaning but a mix is typically a good thing uh it would be a little bit to resume feel if it was all just professional stuff and you had no Humanity to you uh you know your personal like bring you bring anything

from your personal life into the essay um but I also think it's nice to Nest uh a professional experience in there but that's just a superficial layer I think what's really happening here that matters is

uh while the end of of the last paragraph uh was uh this person being an Agent of Change um in a small way this entire paragraph is really about uh this person's Evolution to being an agent of

change in a large way so previously it's empowering a few people on the team now it's empowering an organization or at least his his department or his branch of the organization uh and I think that

that's um uh I think that that's a powerful uh a powerful trajectory to have for your what matters most um again we start with past passive Observer then it's recipient

passive recipient and then it's active agent in a small way active agent in a large way if you're looking for a kind of structure to mirror or emulate this is a good one um I don't think you want

to force fit your essays ever into a particular kind of structure per se um but notice how regardless of whether the example is personal professional impressive not impressive the only real

binding thread is the narrative is the is the topic it's just what matters most to this person is empowerment and so you see this person empowering people or being empowered in various contexts it's

actually the only commonality between these experiences um which otherwise are pretty disperate but frankly flow really well in my opinion um even if you don't find any of the examples particularly

interesting um I think that this is a good um this is a good example of a paragraph that while you know what it might not jump off the page in terms of its content really really does the

job you you've kind of pointed out these topics sentences which as mentioned are are pretty explicit they're not leaving any room to to they're not leaving any room for imagination it's very crisp since College my ability to bring the

best in others has been tested and expanded last one I experienced empowerment first one I had great examples of how to bring out the best in people they're not very Artful sentences

in a way but they do the job is there anything to trying to be a little bit more creative or is this a really good example of how not to be creative and it's more just about telling your story very clearly on the page without

overthinking it everyone imagines writing is some sort of like hyper creative exercise which begins with an apple hitting you in the head and some sort of inspirational strike and then

ends with a burst of energy and total Brilliance that hits the page and every word that lands lands perfectly that is not it at all my hunch is this writer 11

12 13 14 drafts and frankly this essay the more I the more I'm exposed to it the more I think it's almost like a great outline come to life and when you look at those topic sentences you could

imagine somebody sitting with a Word document that has that like you know the blinking cursor on it with no words and then going you know what okay since College my ability to bring out the best in others has been expanded cool let me

write about that one experience or think about a couple of experiences I can brainstorm where empowerment played a big like a big part thematically um each of these topic sentences if you're if you're thinking about like man I I don't

know where to start with my essay just like write out a couple experiences and then try a few topic sentences to like how you could Orient your reader first uh first and foremost your essay has to

be clear it can be creative it can be interesting it can be exciting but if it's not clear you're failing because this essay is 600 650 words and you

don't have time like you don't have time for a sonnet where like you're hoping that the person picks out your AR like your your you know you know inner Artistry you you do have to actually

achieve some things technically uh and to that end this person person is being is being a bit you know maybe a bit heavy-handed with it but hey this is what this paragraph is about I'm not going to you know I'm not writing a a

three it's not a three line topic sentence it's like 12 words right and that's great so minimal space taken but but setting the tone and orienting the reader is is a fail safe that's great

the the one other thing I think I want to mention about this paragraph and you've hinted at it is this person did not solve cancer they are not a rocket scientist this is a very small example

from a real life experience at work that he then tied into the narrative it's that narrative piece and how well it weaves into the rest of the examples that works and not some miraculous thing that he did I mean this isn't a billion

dollar deal it's nothing extreme but it illustrates the point and it shows what he personally did to make a change which is what's important here um Ben any other thoughts on on this

paragraph yeah yeah um and totally to to to what you just said um you I've read essays on everything from like what matters most to me

is a homecooked meal like that's not at first glance something you would think should belong in a business school essay but it actually can very much answer the question what matters most to me is

resilience that's that's a character trait right that's not even like empowerment is more of a process You observe over time you see people they get better they you know they they have skills or they become more you know

assure of themselves all those types of things but what matters most to you can be a whole range of different stuff and it it's really just about your story um and how you move through life and I

think like what do you care about why do you care about it just go back to that um consistently as you as you try to develop your thesis that's that's so good um okay

wrapping it up with with uh I think a paragraph that a lot of people struggle with how do I close this out um what do you like about this last paragraph yeah I mean this so This

paragraph is kind of like a you know warm fuzzy hug uh to to nicely par with the hugs at the beginning of the paragraph um birth of your first child obviously like not everyone can relate to that per se who's applying especially

those maybe who might be deferred candidates but I think in general just look at this final paragraph As how can I point towards the future how can I say

all this stuff that I've done so far that's that's awesome but know that I'm going to carry it forward and in some respects pointing forward is a great thing to do as you tee up your y GSB

essay which is going to be the essay that follows and as all about really the the how you're going to take everything you care about and your passions and your work and channel it through GSB and

Beyond uh to to you know make something so I I think in this in that context I think the writer does well to succinctly just hey I'm gonna I'm gonna move this

forward in my community and I hope to do the same you know for every organization that I'm part of and that I touch yeah yeah that's so great um I also love that he in how in that first sentence he says

my desire to bring the best in others in people reached a new level I think that continues to show this kind of growth that we've seen uh as you pointed out in each perspective in each experience he presents he kind of plays a different

role and in this last paragraph he's taking us to a New Height a new level quite lit quite literally um and I think that's important for for for the GSB for any Adcom to look at this and see if we

let him in and he go and he continues on this trajectory he's just going to go up and up and up and up and up and I think a lot of adcoms want to see that like promise of an upward trajectory and he

does a really good job of proving that to the greatest extent that he can um go ahead no saying totally and I love the

um like I also now that I think about it like we talk about team organiz you know individual team organization we like that is growing in terms of scale and then the writer just goes actually whoa

whoa whoa you know what you know what an even bigger scale than helping an organization is raising a child so kind of just benchmarking you me like you know what I you I've I've I've reached a new level and it doesn't necessarily

look like a bigger organization but maybe we start back at that individual level again so I think it's a nice refresh yeah um anything that could have made this last paragraph

stronger um you know it's hard to say just don't know this whole person's existence in life um I think maybe like if you if you hint at the type of work

specifically that you want to do for the world world and like Focus the lens a little bit um I I think in any organization I join bringing out the best in others means bringing out the best in myself and you know that's

that's adorable and cute uh and nice like Good Vibes only right in this final paragraph but I would say like I probably would like I would probably still be asking the question like is

this person at all restricted functionally do they like do they have a focus area or do they just love empowerment in general um and that really brings me to I think what is the

single maybe the single biggest weakness of the essay um it's not that I don't think it's weak overall but the biggest weakness of the essay is I would say that empowerment now especially is a theme that is just Broad and I I think

I've seen way too many folks writing about empowerment these days empowerment how empowerment for whom empowerment in what way the process of empowerment still pts their question back what kind

of process what are the nuances of your process why is your process better than other processes what process have you seen fail what have you seen succeed why I kind of want a little bit more insight

into like the actual the actual what matters most statement in terms of its its focus area um I I've actually read and worked on essays with folks who who also gotten into GSB and some other

programs where they really cared about something like empowerment or an analog to empowerment but we we pushed to go one or two levels deeper um empowerment in a specific way for a specific

population things like that at the very least um you just don't want to be lumped into a pile of essays that are all on the same theme and frankly everybody that applies to GSB uh is going to apply with some kind of

good-hearted thing in mind it's not like you're applying and you're like I'm you know it's time to it's time to scale fracking so that we accelerate global warming and make sure that's not the that's not Theo of at least you could

you could do that I just your odds are really few in far between so um just know that everybody's applying with some well-meaning thing and if like becoming a better person or like improving the world is like as deep as you're going

you're not going deep enough if your umbrella can catch every raindrop your umbrella is too big and it's gonna be really hard to carry that's amazing I love that um I feel a lot more clarity about that essay want to give you the

space based on that essay based on everything that we just looked at what what are some general rules of thumb for making a really strong what matters most essay and what is like the number one or

two common mistakes that you'll see yeah um I think first off waiting so from a systematic level like if you wait too long I I feel like I broken record

saying this but like uh if you way too long to start writing your essays they're not going to get deep enough back to the back to the food stuff the analogy I always use is like some

recipes say uh let sit for 45 minutes allow the sauce to like marinate things take time to gel and ideas work the same way so if you write your like if you

believe you have 15 hours of Total effort of work that's going to go into making this what matters most essay great let's say it was 15 hours if you put those 15 hours in in a 15-day window it's not going to be as good as if those

15 hours were spread AC cross three months and the reason for that is you're thinking you're reflecting you're looking at your ideas with a critical eye each time you're not trying to cram

work into a set period because you believe it's just about volume of work um so the people that start early I think I think stand out because each qual each draft is just such a higher

level of quality uh it's not rushed I'm not I'm not as an editor or somebody who helps you you know guide through your essays I'm not like pointing out spelling and grammar mistakes I'm not like showing you that these paragraphs

are completely disconnected acted and and why um your ideas are maturing your what matters most is evolving so time and space are so so important when you're trying to put these essays together and frankly your applications

in general um other stuff though on the what matters most essay um some simple stuff you can do talk to family talk to friends um there's stuff also on Leland plus and and and this is the boot camp

uh that that I ran last month as well like just like good like really good um exercises like like um the the human test was a great video um and and the

shapes of stories from from Kurt Bonet I think is also great understand that a lot of stories and themes um can be organized in various ways but that all of the details that you want to put in

them can be relevant most people when they're writing this essay they are the ones drawing boxes in their head as to what they can include or here's how the essay has to sound or here are the types of things I can talk about and can't

talk about almost from the essays I've read almost any way you want to write this essay is eligible and almost any content that you want to include is eligible and when I say

almost any content is eligible I mean literally everything from things that might sound illegal all the way to things um that are extremely personal and downright embarrassing I've seen plenty of great essays and frankly one

of the essays I was referencing earlier has one of the most cringeworthy moments I've ever read on paper um embedded in it in short start early get drafting understand quality goes into your drafts

um and don't put boxes around your yourself when you are writing um and understand that it's an iterative process not a not an inspiration process the one thing I I might add to that is

get help I mean someone like Ben is so so so helpful and just helping you think through you are so biased and it's so easy to get lost in your own story having someone even just ask you questions and and challenge you on

certain points I think can be really valuable um Ben to finish this off what's the number one mistake that you see with what matters most essays number one

mistake H there are be there so many um I think a lot of the time people write out really powerful experiences about themselves it can be the darkest thing

you can think of all the way to the most exciting and amazing and inspirational thing that you can think of um but they don't say why like why like why does its experience matter what's the lesson from it sometimes you just read a bunch of

like really powerful paragraphs that themselves are not actually connected um as for number one mistake though I think getting way too attached to your writing

is one of the biggest ones um I personally throughout my first couple drafts like I they're so I like I I think I've said this in other context

but I think they were so bad that I like I I think I deleted them like I think I deleted them from my drive I was like I was like ashamed at what I wrote Because it felt like a resume explosion on paper crossed with like some personal stuff

and none of it was coherent um I think if I was attach to my writing I would have ended up with something some like mix of my experiences at Mackenzie and the mayor's office and like some integration of policy and issues that I

care about but it would not have really tied back to me as a person and the why was was frankly missing a lot of good whats a lot of good content can be put on paper but if you do not have those

simple even those at least it doesn't have to be in the same way that this previous writer did it in this essay but if you don't have the hey my goal here is to bring out the best in people here's how that happened if it's not

clear and it's not tied together and it's just a bunch of content you got really attached to and you want to include you're you're you're doomed like you're doing from the beginning uh you

don't have to stay in that state um and again this is where like yeah coaches help too but also like family friends like get other people to look at your you know get get other people to look at your essay too that can that can help

alongside a professional I think it's a good uh it's a good mix yeah I love that it ties so well into your earlier point that your essay can do so much it can Inspire it can be heartbreaking it can be funny but it has to be clear and if

it's not clear then none of the others matter Ben thank you so much for talking to me today and going through this essay I'm sure we'll see more of you on Leland you can also work with Ben on your own

essay edits we his link will be in the uh description of this video thanks so much Ben [Music]