The 4-Step Blueprint To Stop Divorce

You're about to discover four actions so

potent they have the power to revive any

marriage no matter the situation.

>> She was in another affair

like literally right around the street

from my house. I'm being honest. If it

wasn't for your program my marriage

would be gone. I have balls to bones

conviction that that is absolutely true.

Without your program I would have not

have survived. My marriage would not

have survived.

>> Sparrow's talking about our program

which gave him the tools, the strategy

and the support to turn the impossible

into progress. There is four tools to be

exact that I'm going to share with you

in today's video.

>> I remember when when she finally lost

her mind and basically told me, "I want

a divorce. I'm done."

>> The second one has the power to

instantly melt her defenses and recreate

those moments where you know she stares

at you just a little bit too long. She

laughs at all your jokes. She smiles

when you touch her. Those moments that

you deserve.

>> And slowly but surely, I would watch her

mood change. Little by little, it would

all start.

>> So, let's jump in. His marriage had

fallen so far off course. It was barely

even recognizable to him. But there's so

much damage that's been done over time.

I mean, I had a longtime affair. It

started with me. I remember when when

she finally lost her mind and basically

telling me, I want a divorce. I'm done.

And I remember I had to really go home

and sit back and think to myself, how

did we come to this? Yet, despite

betrayal from both sides in a moment

where she hit her breaking point, he

found a way to breathe new life into

their marriage. Now he's standing in a

new chapter. Not everything is healed.

Of course not. It's a lifelong process.

But they're finally on the same side

again, committed to rebuilding honesty,

strength, and vision. So, what did he do

to get there? Well, he followed a

four-step blueprint within the program.

Steps that gave him the structure to

lead with clarity to rebuild trust and

reconnect on a deeper level.

>> Your program really helps stage by stage

articulate stop doing this, do this, you

know, don't do this, do that, and if you

really want to win it back, this is

exactly what you need to do. And it was

like basically a perfect blueprint.

>> And it starts with this next crucial

step because if you breathe new life

into your marriage without doing this,

you'll stay stuck in the same loop of

just being confused, frustrated, and

spinning your wheels. And I don't want

that for you. The Spiro introduces this

step with a statement that every husband

who wants to save his marriage needs to

hear because this is what real

commitment sounds like.

>> My philosophy was before I walk away

from this marriage, I have to make

absolutely sure that I did everything in

my power. I gave it everything I had to

the last death of me that I was going to

make this work and I did everything I

could to make it work irrespective of

what she does, right? I had to own my

own truths.

>> That conviction, the conviction pushed

him to take real action. But it also

meant facing something brutal. He

couldn't blame her. You can't blame her.

Not even when she was in the middle of

an affair.

>> And at the time, she was in another

affair

like literally right around the street

from my ass. Um, and unfortunately

I had to own that because, you know,

hey, look, we I I did a lot of dumb

things myself. And I said, look, for me

to live up to what I have to live up to,

it goes back to what you've talked about

in this program. It doesn't matter what

you've done, right? Or whatever, excuse

me, it doesn't matter what she's doing,

it matters what I do.

>> You see, he did what a very apex strong

man does. He stepped up and owned it. He

took ownership of his half of the

marriage that collapsed. No matter how

messy or one-sided it looked. So even

with the pain of her affair, when he dug

down to the root of it all, he saw the

ways that he contributed to it. And over

the years, by pulling away when things

got hard, by shutting down during

arguments, instead of leaning in, by

putting work first and missing the

little moments that made her feel seen,

by brushing off her feelings, by trying

to fix them instead of listening. That's

what disconnection and emotional neglect

can look like. And it builds up until

the distance between you two feels

impossible to cross. But what does

actually owning it look like? It looks

like sitting alone with your mistakes

without trying to defend them as much as

every part of you wants to to find

rationale and reasons as to why it's not

your fault or as much as your fault. You

let go of that scorecard and instead you

show up as the man that you know you

should have been whether she sees it or

not. That's what sacrifice is in a

relationship and that's what a man does

to take the lead. When you take full

responsibility for your role, you regain

power to change it. let that sink and

play that back. And for him, that's

where everything began.

>> I think you got to recognize where it is

that you've made mistakes. In some

cases, it's like if you're the one who

started the affair, you can say, "Hey, I

I recognize that I hurt someone and I

made mistakes." If they're the one who

started the affair, you got to

recognize, well, no one just starts an

affair for no reason. You've got to

recognize the fact that, hey, it took

whatever me not being attentive, me not

listening, me not showing up for her, me

not, you know, whatever. fill in each

blank. It took me being that person to

um recognize that, you know, her change

in who she became versus who we once

were became this because of the fact

that I didn't do my job as a man.

>> And so like that that goes along the

idea of like getting your ego out of the

damn way because your ego, not yours

specifically, but our ego as men, that's

what gets in the way a lot of times with

the growth, right? Because your ego has

to parts of you have to die off

essentially for you to grow and

accepting that you made mistakes is

killing off the ego in a way. But as

much as that might sting to really truly

own it, it's actually just the

beginning. You see, there's another step

that he took. And it's the one that

changes how she really feels personally

emotionally around you. It's what makes

her stop bracing for impact in those

moments. You know, to close herself off,

to have her be cold and tense. Instead,

it softens her. It helps her relax in

your presence even when she's emotional.

Here it is in his words.

>> What I'm definitely not doing is once I

see stuff sitting in the fan like nope,

you know, frame on. I think the hardest

thing for me is not even just with Liz

even like like

you know I'm that old school like Greek

you know like almost like Greek Italians

like you know how we all are like

especially us East Coasters. It's almost

like, you know, when somebody does

something like you, you you're taught

from a child to react a certain way,

like, you know, you gotta, you know, be

forceful, you got to be tough or you got

to be whatever. Now, he says frame on

because that's exactly what he's doing.

You notice how he's calm, he's steady,

how I am right now when I'm talking to

you, he's watching the storm instead of

getting sucked into it. And that's the

second step. It's about the frame. It's

called frame up. Okay? Frame is about

holding steady in your emotional center.

It's about remaining mindful, not

mindless. Okay? You can take in what she

says and what she's giving you and truly

receive it. Hold space for it, but you

don't react to it. Okay? Her storms, her

accusations, her emotions, they're just

emotions. That's all they are. They

don't change who you are as a man. They

should not change who you are as a man.

And when she unloads about work, family,

or the kids, you don't try to solve that

problem for her. You simply allow her to

solve it herself unless she directly

asks you for logistical help. You always

say like you're not here to fix people's

problems. And I I used to do that all

the time like here's what you need to

do. You need to tell your boss this. She

doesn't want to hear that. She just you

got it.

>> Essentially, all you're doing is you're

letting her feel the emotions. I used to

be obsessed with chess. I had my whole

chess phase and it's almost like playing

chess in a high stakes game. That

pressure is building, right? The clock's

ticking away. You don't have much time

cuz you're playing blitz if you know

what I mean. You know what I mean? And

then you just get hit with a bold move

and you're sitting there maybe puts you

in check and you don't want to sacrifice

this pawn or whatever it is because

you'll lose. But instead, you don't

flinch. You study the board despite how

much time is left and you wait for the

right moment to respond. You let that

moment come to you, the right decision.

Okay, that's what the frame looks like.

But it's harder than it sounds because

like Sparrow mentioned, it's ingrained

deep in us as children to react, right?

We're taught that way. But that's a

child and part of development as an

adult, as someone who can hold space for

her and protect her of what she wants.

You need to learn the skill of not

reacting anymore.

>> I don't even think she knows how to

handle the new me sometimes. She still

doesn't know how to always react. even

now with my kids like she like I

remember my daughter did something

really stupid and she looked at me she's

like you're not gonna say anything and

I'm like what would you like me to say

or like in the past I'd like lose

because that was that's how we did it

that's how you that's how you were

taught to react and that's what your

parents did and that's what you did now

I realize even doing that with my kids

is a reflection and a reaction that

she's expecting me to be difficult or be

tough and like no like staying in my

frame even in those situations and like

allowing ing her to react, right? Like

to to that to your point being calm.

>> When you do this, she can't deny the

difference. Okay. The instant difference

in who you are as a man. I mean, it gave

him strength. It rebuilds trust and

respect because you don't crumble into

her tests. And you know, she subcon, if

you watch this channel, you know she

subconsciously tests you. She holds the

belief subconsciously, unknowingly that

if my man, the man that I'm supposed to

love, breaks down under my test, how can

he withstand the world's test? Even if

you think you can, she doesn't feel that

way if you break down under hers. She

needs a man to look up to. And if you're

reacting to things she's saying, your

your self-worth is falling apart because

of a few words she says to you, you're

not the man anymore, are you? Listen to

him describe it.

>> One of your other videos talks a lot

about like, hey, like what are your

values, right? Like, do you even know

what your values are? Could you list

your top three or four values? And it's

like I thought to myself like, well, I I

have a lot of values. I'm I'm a good

guy. I'm honest. I'm devoted. But like,

he's got a good point. Like what do I

live by every day? Right? What are the

two or three values like that I live by

every day?

How do you own those every day? How do

you keep an edge to yourself as a guy?

See, he had to learn to stand tall. A

lot of men, they'll think about their

values, but they don't live through

them. This is called congruency. Okay?

Every moment, he showed up with

discipline. He made decisions based on

who he wanted to be, the man he wanted

to embody, the values that he had. He

said, "What are my values in this

situation, and how do I uphold them?"

And consistently over time, your wife

will notice these things. She has this

subtle little barometer, this feeling,

this intuition of your congruency of who

you say you are, who you want to be

versus actually who you are. And until

you actually start um peeling and

scrubbing that off, start making that

your daily focus every single day,

nothing's really going to change.

>> Like, you're kidding yourself. You're

full of like if you really think that

things are going to get better, they're

not. Things aren't going to get better.

Things are only going to get better when

you recognize you have a problem. When

you recognize what it is you can do

about it, and when you're actually going

to take the time and the energy to put

out the work to do it.

>> Psychologists call this

self-determination theory. It shows that

when you live by your core values, no

matter how you feel in the moment, okay,

key word, you strengthen your identity.

You build deeper confidence, stronger

habits, and a sense of purpose. All

masculine traits that draw her back in

and make her more feminine, relaxed, and

open. And the people closest to you

begin to trust your consistency because

they see it in how you show up every

single day. And I would be lacking

congruency myself as a man if I didn't

tell you, hey, the best way for you to

actually get help to change your

situation, to be on the next video of a

guy saving his marriage that I talked to

personally is to get on a call with our

team for the free strategy call. Just

make sure you're fully invested into

saving your marriage and we'll get you

on that call. We'll give you the exact

blueprint that you need to move forward

like Sparrow. Now, I mentioned the word

consistency. Okay, this final step is

what keeps the momentum alive and

connects all the other steps cohesively

together. It's what can make your wife

stop wondering if you've changed and

start trusting that you are. Okay, let's

hear from Spiro again.

>> You got to be willing to put in the work

and you have to be willing to like

use all the different tools that are

available to you. Like there's so many

different books, whether that's the

books you recommend, the work you

recommend, you know, it's it's it's

if you're not doing all that, it's not

going to work. um you know that's my

view of it. I mean you can't possibly uh

you can't possibly you know move forward

or move ahead unless you actually put in

the time.

>> The step that he is talking about is

simple but demanding. It's about leading

on. It means leading on two fronts. See

there's internal leadership doing the

hard reps when no one's watching. Okay?

Choosing the better response in that

tough moment when everything inside of

you is screaming to just oh it's not

fair or I should say this to her. No,

you're choosing a new response and that

gets a new outcome, doesn't it? That's

what becoming a new man is. It's going

against your ingrained emotions, your

reactions. It means taking notes on

these videos. It means doing something

different like setting up a call if you

haven't yet. Okay. Now, Jeff Olsen talks

about these little micro behaviors in

his book, The Sidelight Edge. He says

the difference between success, winning

your wife back, and failure. You know

what that looks like? It's not dramatic.

In fact, the difference between success

and failure is so subtle, so mundane

that most people miss it. It's these

small promises that you keep to yourself

despite the setbacks. Okay? It is doing

what you say you'll do. It is not

listening to the hopelessness inside of

you, that part of you that just wants to

give up, right? It's sticking through it

and trusting that you're on the right

path despite the evidence to the

contrary. Okay? It's having that faith.

That's how you put in the work and

that's how you lead yourself. Now, the

second part of this leading is called

relational leadership. And it means

inviting your wife forward with calm,

clarity, and without pressure. To lead

your wife means you lead by example and

then she follows. She will start with

curiosity, asking you about your day.

How are you actually doing? And she'll

follow it with a test. I saw this the

other day on one of the posts in the

community. Okay? It's classic. We see it

all the time. All right? Stay in your

own energy. Lead yourself. She will

notice when no you no longer need her as

much, but you want her in your life.

That is the key to all of this. that he

masters that every single guy that saves

their marriage, they understand this

intuitively in their heart, okay? That

they are good without her. Yes, you want

your wife in your life, but you don't

need her. And that is self- loveve. That

is your own value. And that's what she's

drawn to. Someone who is valuable. Okay?

Listen to this last part of our

conversation. Like I, you know, you're

you're like this great guy that everyone

loves and appreciates. And here I am.

Like I had to recognize like this isn't

who I am. This isn't what I'm capable of

living up to. This isn't the father I

want to represent. this isn't the

husband I want to be. And you know, I

think at some point when you don't

recognize you're this person who can do

more, you think you're like this great

guy, you're like, are you really a great

guy? What are your values? How you

living up to them? How are you keeping

an edge? How are you doing these

different things? You just think because

of merit and all the different good acts

you've done across your time that that

that that holds up and it's not. That's

BS. That's not how it works. You know it

and I know it. So

>> yeah, that's an honest self inventory

and it goes back to the ego idea as

well, right? So

>> yeah,

>> it hurts on the front end, right? But

that process of hurting on the front

end, much like working out, it brings

dividends on the back end.

>> Yeah,

>> that's right.

>> When you do all these steps, okay, you

own it, you lead on, you stand tall, you

frame up, that's when your wife starts

to relax around you. That's when you

become a source of value. Okay, her

voice will start to soften. She'll smile

more, she'll reach out to you, she'll

send you longer text messages. These are

all signs that she's opening up. I don't

care if a moment later, a week later,

day later, she says, "Oh, I'm moving

forward with a divorce." Look at the

positive signs. Okay? That is the key.

Now, there's another marriage that we

saved right here. A really good story

that I want you to check out. Again, I

prefer you check out a call down below

with our team to really take different

action to get different results. I'll

see you in the next one, man. Just