The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

hi Mike hi are you ready to be proactive and sharpen the saw to synergize our win-win solution today's the day today's the day seven habits of highly effective

people there was there was a couple of things that I was interested and talking about today um one was your surprisingly compelling 24-hour death dream oh did you like that yeah I did like that very

much so you had a new video in the cgb gr Doom and Gloom series that came out um is that is that what it is okay that's how I think of it in my head I feel like it was very optimistic but okay was it

[Laughter] though cuz even the idea of living forever I'm not sure if it was supposed to be in a way that I was completely comfortable with but you you going

alongside this video was a 24-hour live stream of an accurate representation of how many people die on Earth in a day and it was fascinating it was like on in

my house for like 45 minutes just in the background like I I started watching it and then I just kind of walked away from the TV and and it was just playing and

like I look back it's like 5,000 I was like oh no that's turn it off it was it was too much to come back and see the numbers just getting bigger and bigger a little pile of skulls getting bigger and bigger yeah was good though it was a

great idea it's one of those things that that actually ended up coming out of a technical limitation so I had this idea originally of like okay I like this idea of this 24 hours of death as a visual

representation of of what's occurring like how do you how do you convey the magnitude of this thing because if you just you just say a big number like it means nothing to people whereas I feel like oh if we put together a little

video like this it has more of a chance of having an impact uh you know and exactly that way that that you say like you start watching it and then you come back later and it's like oh my right while I was washing the dishes 10,000

people died right and so it's it has it has an impact it drove it home right that it was like I could just watch this mesmerizing animation where someone was getting their head cut off every 10

every second MH they were bursting into flames uh I think is what was occurring there oh my apologies must get the Clause of death correct I guess

yeah um but so yeah I had this idea like okay I wanted to do this and uh you know we're like putting together like this 24-hour long file and uh go to upload it

to YouTube and I get a great great YouTube error message which a surprise videos are not allowed to be longer than 12 hours H it's like it's like huh

that's interesting because I know for a fact that there are videos on YouTube which are hundreds of hours long like this there's there are definitely videos that are super long uh but it turns out that at some point in the past YouTube

made a decision that they had enough of this Tom Foolery with long videos and they decided to reduce the the absolute limit down to 12 hours which is also

long longer than any video on YouTube should be 12 hours is too long like why I mean I know you found a reason for it right I was going to say I I have a very good reason why I would like a video that's longer than 12 hours thank you

right but it shouldn't be because no one's watching that well actually I'm interested to know what your attention grow to like on those videos uh well we we can get into that later but so anyway I was I was super annoyed about this uh

because I was like oh God damn it like I don't want to I don't want to break a thing up into two parts like I'm I know that I'm going to have to break it up into two parts but then I feel like that it makes it not as as good when you're

uploading it for the first time and so I I was spinning this around in in my head and then like talking with some people uh a few people mentioned the suggestion

of actually like hey can you get around this by live streaming the thing and I was like wait a minute yes there is there is no limit on how long a live stream can be so uh that's what I ended

up doing was okay I can get around this technical limit by making it live and then as soon as I realized that I thought oh it actually works better if it's live way better because people

can't skip ahead right like people can't just jump and it's Buzzy yeah right there is this thing that this is what I found so compelling about it there was a thing on the internet that was showing

me how many people were dying like it's morbid but like like car crash Television right like you kind of you know it's there you can't help but look mhm right and like I kept checking in

every now and then just to see how big the pile of skulls was get like it was you know and like and I kind of had it in my mind to make sure to look before it ended right like it like kind of I knew it started at around like 11:00

a.m. my time or something so kind of it

a.m. my time or something so kind of it was like 10:30 or whatever and I just checked in it was like oh man but like it it kind of had that effect of it of like there is this thing that's happening which is showing this how can

I not at least look at it so I think that it worked really well it was a great idea oh yeah I'm I'm pretty pleased with the way that came out in the end I think that ended up being like much more interesting than the video

itself in a way uh was just doing this this live stream so I'm I'm pretty happy with the way it with the way it came out yeah like I like the video but I was more interested in the in the the live stream part like that was more exciting

to me yeah the live stream part is definitely the more interesting part uh and and yeah so it was I'm still annoyed that I wasn't able to upload the whole thing as one continuous file so I did

have to end up uploading the like the final version as two pieces I thought you could set a live stream as a video like you can just have it available you can but it will only save the last 4

hours oh that's silly yeah so uh which is also interesting when I realize like I know people do 24-hour long like charity fundraisers and it's like oh okay so there's just no record of that there's only a record of the last four

hours of that um because yes that was originally my thought was I was like hahaa fooled you YouTube like I'll just save the live stream and then and like no it's not going to work it only saves

the last four hours but yeah so anyway this is just an interesting case of a an annoying technical limitation that I still genuinely wish wasn't there but

that nonetheless ended up turning into a thing that is more interesting than it would have otherwise been so I feel like that it worked out in the end yeah because if you publish the video I would just skip to the end right yeah

everybody would have yeah but speaking of the uh audience retention graphs there's a there's a very funny thing in those audience retention graphs because uh there are little Easter eggs throughout the 12 hours I think there's

something like 20 little Easter eggs that occur and when I loaded up the audience retention graphs you can see the spikes right around the areas where all the Easter eggs are way how are

people finding them well I think what's happening is someone sees it and then they jump back a couple seconds to say hey what did I just see that thing that I thought I saw right which then double

counts the audience retention in that spot and then people leave comments are jumping to those locations um but it is hilarious on the audience

retention graph uh you can see spikes for exactly where every single one of the little Easter eggs are so it's pretty funny like there like why the one at 557 have a hat on and why at 751 did

they have a briefcase I like that this person really needed to like they were upset right like why why the the the why questions are great and it is funny because when the when the live stream first went up I did I

did enjoy all the comments where people were saying things like what does it mean what does it mean it's like I I'll I'll leave that for you to speculate commenters like that's that's what I'm

going to leave you can speculate away about what it means that's on you to work out it's very profound but you've got to figure it out yourself I'm I'm looking at these now I've got sucked into the comments I want to see the

Easter eggs Mike we got a podcast to record you can't be Easter egg hunting true yeah that's true unless we record for 24 hours which I don't think is a good idea but then we won't be able to post it on

YouTube unless we live stream a 24-hour long cortex which is not going to happen Mike do you know that you have become an animated character on the internet finally

right finally yeah I have waited for a cartoon for years finally there is a cartoon of me since I was a kid I've wanted to mic the cartoon uh and we have it now there's a fantasttic I found this

in the CeX subreddit um the person who created this video posted it um hm boutet is their YouTube channel I'll put a link in the show notes and they are putting together some fantastic cortex

animated videos which I'm enjoying immensely uh and and I wanted people to to see them because I think it's really great and and there's one of the previous episode there's one of some

classic moments from old episodes um and I love seeing stuff like this and they really make me laugh and I enjoy them immensely and you really like being a cartoon character I love being a cartoon

character this person has an almost spooky ability to capture movements that I think I would make the the way the way they animate my

movements when talking to you is a lot of how I imagine they actually ah so I think it's brilliant the one of these that I think is probably the best version is from I think it was our very first episode where we're talking about

the screen screens uh and home screen icons and the the way they animate you when you're when you're asking about what I think about your home screen I

think it's just it's just perfect uh people should go take a look at it like I I think it there's whether or not the way it is animated is the way it happens like it it it adds something to the audio which makes it sound like that's

the way that it happened so it's uh it's really well done I am always incredibly impressed by the way that people make these types of videos like I watch some for some of my favorite shows M you know

there are some fantastic um animated videos for my brother my brother and me oh yeah and it what I love about these types of videos is the way that people hear a thing they hear a thing but the

way they interpret it adds so much more to it mhm um and and I it's such a it's such an interesting skill that people have to be able to hear a sentence and pick out specific words and make a

joke about those words in a way that was never originally intended like it's it's so interesting to see that and also like the the kinetic nature of the videos is very interesting to me the way that

people make the movements and they adjust the audio to fit but it's I find it a very interesting skill MH and I'm really pleased to see something for our

show too cuz I love watching them for the shows that I enjoy so it it I don't know it it means a lot to me that people make this sort of stuff so I want to thank that person and uh encourage that people watch them because they're really

really fun yeah no it's it's it's great stuff it's it's a huge amount of work I can't even imagine oh yeah I yeah I can't imagine how much work it is and it is always a funny experience especially

to see like a like a joke added to a thing that you yourself have said right it's like oh I'm watching a thing that's an animation of something that I have said and then here is this extra layer that is put on top of it which was not

intended to be there so it's it's good stuff it's good stuff so gray I've mentioned that I'm going to be traveling a bunch before the end of the year mhm and one of the things that I'm doing is

podcon which is the podcast version of VidCon which maybe maybe just spark in many of all listeners Minds what this is but it's like a celebration of the creation of podcasts and there's going

to be a lot of live shows and panels and things like that I'm going to be there um I now have a here's where you'll find Mike Hurley schedule oh very excited which I can put the show notes cuz I'm doing a couple of things I'm doing some

panels and some roundtables and stuff like that as you should be you're big men on podcast campus pod campus I think it would be called P campus the yeah

sure I just wanted to mention one thing that if people are going to be there I'm going to be doing a signing at podcon oh yeah so you're going to be there at a booth yep at a booth people are going to

bring up things for you to sign maybe I don't know what that would be I guess what do I sign Mike Hurley merchandise di people's iPods yeah yeah

so I'm going to be there you sign their beards I don't know how that works yeah I can sign beard oil I don't know uh but December 10th it's going to be at podcon I think you have you have to be an attendee to be there and I am looking

forward to it it does look like a really interesting event like the whole schedule is up now but I'm going to be at a booth uh in the signing area and everything and I wanted to just let people know about this I've never done

anything like this before is is what I'm getting at here I nous kind of I don't really know what to expect um so I want to make sure that if you're going to be

at podcon and you want to come and see me please do and I'm going to have I'm going to make this poster print for people that come so if you come uh there

will be a poster that I will sign and give to you are you bribing the people Mike it's sounds more of an incentive oh it's an incentive it's an incentive there will be a poster uh that I'm

currently working on with a very talented artist and I may be able to share the artwork beforehand just cuz I think it's probably going to be amazing cuz this person's awesome I don't think you should I think you should keep the artwork secret for the people who are

going to be showing up to see I was thinking about like taking a picture of it in such a way that you couldn't use it for anything like my hand is there right but just so you know the amazingness that is going to be bestowed

upon you right that you will get okay I'm I'm going to suggest a different tack uhuh you should take a picture that just shows them a corner of the poster like a like a little that's what you

should do yeah that's good I like that so you can understand how great it's going to be but you don't get it I'm trying to help you drive the people to come Mike so this is this is my suggestion show a corner of the poster I

will do that but I I'm genuinely very excited for podcon because this is a thing that I've wanted to exist for a while and the schedule looks great and I'm excited to go as an attendee and as somebody who's going to be involved in a

few things so but yeah if you're going to be there please to My Signing you'll get a poster and it will make me very happy

I I don't know signings man like have you ever done a signing you have right something like that uh technically yes that that there

was there was there was one case where I ended up doing a thing that was kind of a signing but it was it was a very special set of circumstances it was the the random actx of Intelligence show down in Alabama uh it was like I think

that it was like a very elite group of people who were there uh so that is that is the one that is the one time uh I've done it but it also

um I I have I have great sympathy for you Mike because in that situation you didn't have the nerve of like is anyone going to go to the signing because there were just five of us there and it's like

these people are here to see us so we know that if we go outside and do signings we're not going to look like sad sados who are just all on our own but if you're at a big conference it's a very different thing and like you don't

know how much of your audience is going to be at like the cortex audience like you know it would be a long line if everybody was was going to a mic signing but the question is how many are going

to podcon and so I I can understand that's the point right like I I can understand the cold sweats in your hands right where where it's like like Mike Mike could fill a stadium full of people if we got all the cortex people there

but how many go to podcon right who knows like what it's going to look like so I I completely understand your your desire to bribe slash encourage people

to go so I I think that I think that's a good method tease the people with the excitement of of what they get at a mic signing and to any cortex listeners if you're going to podcon make sure to see

Mike make sure to bring your beard oil this episode of Cortex is brought to you by fresh books hey Freelancers you know how important it is to make smart decisions for your business right well

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have to do is go to freshbooks.com Cortex and enter cortex in the how did you hear about a section so they know that you came to them from this show just before I recorded this I was actually sending some invoices with

fresh books I really love this system if you send invoices to anybody I thoroughly recommend it to you and I really really really insist that you give it a go freshbooks.com cortex our

thanks for freshbooks for their support of this show and relay FM all right gray I think that we're effectively warmed up at this point to discuss the book The

cortex book club The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People now I have had this on my list since the very beginning of our show right this has been something that I have wanted to talk

about I have never read this book before but I like many people I'm very aware of this as an idea that there is a book called The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People people I'm pretty sure

I've had some of it mentioned to me during Management training courses back in my old life right like this is I mean you know was it like 20 million 15 million copies sold or something like

that I was looking it up this morning and yeah it's it's 25 million copies sold and it it's something like one of the top 20 best-selling business books

of all time it's it's a it's a mammoth Giant in this field this is the one when it comes to these types of books you know like like we spoken about the emth Revisited right like we spoke about that

like I think that all of these books are just trying to be the next seven habits like this is like an entire Empire there are many spin-off books there's like whole business set up around it like it

is it it is a big thing yeah there's like seven habits for the teenage chicken soup Soul like there's you know it's a whole many there's many spin-offs of this my favorite one the eighth habit

I was like H hang on a second how many are there is there an infinite amount of habit now well people keep buying books yes there are an infinite number of habits yeah yeah there sure are what I

want to do is I want to go through each of the habits and give a very brief outline of them and then we can talk about if and how they apply to our

working lives um either you know before or after but I wanted to kind of talk about the book and the abstract a little bit more so you had read this before right like this isn't your first time this is my first time with the book but

it isn't yours right yeah no this is not my first time at this Rodeo uh and it's and it is why uh when we were mentioning that this was coming up in the last episode I think I think people could

hear that there was some hesitation in my voice to finally committing to doing this thing that you have been bugging me for years to do uh yeah so I I read this

a long time ago and I I was I I kept trying to remember but I'm pretty sure that I read this book along with a bunch of other books

in this genre uh before I ended up finding getting things done which was the book that really worked for me you were looking for something right and none of these books gave you that yeah like I like I

remember reading a book about uh eating a frog like there there's a whole bunch of books that are like these well-known things and and this was one of these books and yeah I'm I'm 95% sure that I

read it before I read getting things done uh long time ago uh back when I was a very different person so yes I I have read this book and uh

upon upon rereading it uh much of it came rushing back and and so much of it was uh surprising and new let's let's

say that so uh yeah reread the book finished it not 30 minutes before we started recording today so uh I finish it yesterday yeah just like just like

homework in real life uh where if a thing had to get done I was going to do it in the class before the class when it was due that is is essentially what I did this morning is like man I timed it

right down to a 30 minute buffer of when I could finish this book and I got it done just on time let's just pull back the curtain a little bit more we're recording this episode like 3 days later

than we were supposed to I wouldn't have got the book done in time if they wouldn't moved it so I was kind of pretty happy about that yeah yeah it's that is that is also the case I had some last minute travel plans that messed up

our recording schedule but it was also a thing like never going to finish this work in time otherwise I would have been pulling an all nighter or something like there was just no way I had like 7 hours to

go it was it's long it's really long it's really long I I want to say though right this book was not as bad as I

thought it was going to be MH I will say that like it is frustrating at times and I'm going to talk about some of those frustrations in a bit more detail but I was not infuriated listening to this book like I was the emth Revisited which

by the way if you've never heard episode of the show it's one of my favorites yeah yeah it's it's it's a it's a really good one to start with if if uh yeah if you're like recommending people come to the show like I think that's probably a

great starting spot right even if people haven't read the book I'll put a link in the show notes to that episode it was episode 21 January of last year I thought it was longer than that but yeah January of last year episode 21 that

emth Revisited I recommend that one if you've not heard it or as you say if you recommended someone for the show but anyway I actually found this book interesting at times and sometimes useful

in a way that like emth I took one thing from it there was one thing and I think this book it has more to it than that I can actually whilst reading it can be like okay I know why this got as popular

as it did like I have a lot of problems with it but on the whole there is good information in this book and it isn't it

isn't infuriating like I wasn't screaming at my phone like I was when I was listening to emth yeah you you were really frustrated with I hated that book it was it it was everything I don't like

about that type of thing that book had it but like you know I couldn't I would have to take breaks right like if I was going to sit down and listen to this for three hours I had to take a break like every 45 minutes because there's just

only so much of this I can take right like I feel like it's just my brain is being filled up with mostly nonsense for a while right and like and I have to to

like chill for a bit but i' I found this one I was like going like hm making more notes than I thought I would make mostly for me so this

book I can see why it is a big thing I can see why why people really really like what it has to say that's interesting to hear because

part of my memory of of the book and one of the reasons why I didn't feel like I wanted to read it again is because my my review when people have asked me about

it has has always been it's one good idea in a thousand pages right this this was my memory from having read the book The First Time uh and so it was it was

interesting to like read it again and see like do does this hold up or or does this not hold up and upon rereading this book I feel like this book defeated my

soul like I I feel really huh beaten down from reading this book so I feel like we're having a little bit of opposite reactions with emth and this one because in emth I felt like like IEP

was defending emth I'm like yeah it's crazy but there's some good ideas in here right whereas whereas with this one like I I I think you could play the

Audi book of of this as a method of torture right to just to make people divulge information by just looping it in their cell over and over interesting okay I will say like there is a huge

chunk of this book that I think is pointless yeah I mean as with all these books it could be dramatically shortened oh yeah oh but but more but more than that

like so even though this book totally defeated me I also have the understanding of like I I can see why this book was such a such a mammoth

book but my takeaway is this book is almost like a like a roar shock test like people will it's

so vague in so many places that you can I think people can just kind of read into it their own their own situations um but that like the amount of actual

actionable material struck me as like incredibly small and and what I felt like I was reading was a like a productivity book markof chain like like

this is just like an automatic AI generated endless string sentence of words in a productivity book that your brain is constantly struggling to pull meaning out of and and to find

connections to and it just never ends it just goes on forever and when I say that this book defeated me that the thing that was was

like I started reading the book and I I genuinely like read up to Habit number two which is sort of most of what I had remembered from from before and then I I realized like I'm reading this book but

the reading is in quotes where like I'm just pressing forward on the Kindle like not not even skimming but it's just like Flip Flip Flip because my brain is is like trying to get through this thing

like hey let's just let's just turn some pages and then we'll focus on the words in a little bit and it's like a pick up at another spot it's like oh God I can't stand this so I always make fun of you

for reading the Audi book but I had to buy the Audi book because I was aware that at a certain point like I I physically cannot read this book there

is there is no way I can force my eyes to look at the words and have the and have the Meaning go into my head it was just completely impossible so I switched

to the Audi book which I never recommend people do for this kind of book and then I felt like I was being brainwashed for six more hours so it's like I I I feel

like I have come out of an experience somewhat traumatized and uh I'm I'm going to I'm going to give a uh no recommend to this book but I'm very happy to talk about some of the habits and the ideas that are contained inside

of it but I I I cannot think of a of a book in this genre that I can now say that I like less than this book B this book is the worst book just put a pin in that for

one second cuz I have a theory but I want to to say about the audio book mhm I know that the audio books are torture but the reason I do it is because I can integrate it into my life right yeah

yeah I don't have to like take the time to sit and read the book because I don't do a lot of sitting and reading time in this way right but like I can be

traveling as I have been and listen I can be playing stardew Valley and listen so that's why I do this right like I I do that because it I can integrate the

audio book into my working life and personal life easier than I can the physical book or kind I yeah I completely understand that and that's what I was doing as well like I've been I've been traveling a whole bunch and so

it's like okay great while I'm standing online at security right I I can hear about how we're going to synergize our plus one ideas and it's great um but I also found that at a certain point just

like I was no longer reading the book I was simply not listening to the audio a book and so what I ended up the final the final stage in my journey of I have to read this so I can talk about it at

least a little bit on a podcast was no joke listening to the audio book while looking at the Kindle version was was the only bad news for you it was like

the only way I could force the words to mean things in my head because I I was aware like after a while even with the audiobook it's like I can't I can't listen so I had the weird experience towards the end of audiobook cranked up

to like 2 and 1/2x which is about my reading speed and then like quote reading through the book while the audio book is playing in my head so that that's how I finished the book this

morning so here is my theory I have a theory about this which I kind of decided on pretty early and it helped me get through this book okay this book was published in

1989 right my theory is part of the reason that at first I was finding it infuriating and why I believe you find it infuriating is this book feels like you

take every other productivity book ever written put it into a blender and seven habits pops out and I think it's the reverse of that this was the book that

started a lot of this stuff so so many of the things that feel like tropes of terrible business books are because you've heard them a million times because of this one so like as when I

started thinking about that I approached this book differently I was giving it more leeway because this book isn't trying to be annoying I'm annoyed by this book

because every marketing book Business book and management material ever made since 1989 is trying to rip off the seven

habits and when I kind of this is my theory when I was able to accept that I was able to give this book more leeway and that's why I think I wasn't so annoyed about it yeah no you're you're

totally right about that I I I think that that's not a theory that that might as well just be like an accepted fact in the universe right that this like when you this is this is the book that had to introduce the idea of like paradigm

shift into the into the language right this is this is the book that that raises the idea of synergy into the language right it's the first book that starts talking about all of that stuff

uh you know my my comparison for this is um is the example I always use but I think of the the animated version of Ghost in the Shell as a movie which is very hard for mod modern audiences to

watch because it set up every single science fiction Trope for the next 30 Years so when you watch the original it feels like this thing is is incredibly unoriginal because you've you've seen all of the spin-offs and all of the

versions for the next 30 years on it like without a doubt seven habits reading it now has that problem and you've read so many more of these types

of books than I have so you have read this book 150 times but my problem with it isn't that like it it isn't it isn't just that it's like yes this this is

this this end this blender of random sentences from other books because I was also thinking that very much while I'm reading it it's like okay this is the foundation of it but it's still felt like even even with that in mind like

when he's talking about these various things there's just so little there or or the like the ideas don't even make sense like his his whole chapter on I I

just I pick up pick up on Synergy just as an example right because it's this like idea that has infected the business world or people are always synergizing their Global strategies right but even even that whole chapter it's like he

even here his his concept of synergy it's not like oh the original person had a great idea and it is it has since it has since been distilled down to a meaningless jargon word it's like no it

was born as a meaningless jargon word like he he's using it wildly inconsistently in a way that makes no sense across a whole bunch of different analogies so so that's why I don't feel like ah this thing was the thing that

started and it got mutated over time it's like it was it was born in this inconsistent horrific way there are so many buzzwords and phrases

in this book that he creates that by the end of it you feel like you're in a bowl of soup like so I I've this is this is from habit 7 this was a note that this

is the end right so I've made this note and I like by the point in this book there are so many buzzwords that he uses that it is almost impossible to distinguish them from each other right yeah so I'll give a few of these and we

may talk about them emotional bank account PC balance intradependence interdependence personal renewal daily private Victory synergized win-win solutions by the end of the book he is

throwing these words out like candy into the point that you're like does this word actually exist I believed by the end of this book that the word interdependence existed because it's like I've heard it

so many times now that it must be true and it is interdependence is the idea of working with others so instead of being independent you're interdependent it's either or intro I also couldn't

understand it because here's another thing that I have a problem with basically all business books I'm almost convinced this is my another of my theories coming out of this book I almost convinced that audio book

narrators or the people narrating audiobooks this one is narrated by Stephen R Cy the guy who wrote the book that they pronounce words weirdly just to make sure that you're paying

attention yes yeah there's a few there's a few of those in here where it's like this is a normal word dude right like truths in a way I've never heard before

he goes truths it's like the longest word with a v in it it's like I don't understand what you're doing like he some words like nobody says them like this I convinced that they do this just so you pay attention cuz you're like I

don't understand the word that he just used it's mind-blowing a couple of so I'm now getting worked up now so here are a couple more frustrations about this book the first habit begins at 2

hours and 22 minutes in oh wow I didn't realize it was that long so I I have the honor Bridge which again don't know why I do this but my version

includes a um a forward which is mind blowingly just up in the stratosphere where he's talking about his son and I just can't believe it's

true like like with many of these stories there are many stories in this book where I'm like okay Cy that does that didn't happen something like that may have happened but that didn't happen

and the idea is that his son was failing in everything he was terrible at school terrible at Athletics just couldn't get anything right in his life they started

to apply the seven habits to him before they became the seven habits right like they started to change their behavior and he ended up being the most popular kid in school homecoming King

twice grade a valedictorian and the captain of the football team right anyone the Nobel Prize now did a little bit of

investigation and his son was a successful American football player mhm but I don't believe the rest of it like I can't maybe he was all of those things

but beforehand was not failing unpopular and couldn't run like I just can't in my mind believe that this is true and the thing is they may be true if it is whatever but when you read these books

you're like this can't be because you know there are lies throughout this book he also found a magical hotel by the way which is like they I have that

highlighted we can get to that later um but yeah this is one of the things that I didn't remember about the book at all and I was astounded on the on the reread

is everything relates to his children and his family it's it's I was asound by how much of this book is focused around marriage yeah so many

things like this is a business book but like honestly the major focus of the seven habits is applying them to your family life and I was like what is this

book like this was it was so different to what I was expecting in that way everything is to do with his family even like delegating his son to mow the lawn right like oh my God the mowing the lawn story yeah so but but this this is

exactly the kind of thing where it's just like I don't I don't believe these stories that you're telling about your children like or because there it he's always telling stories about some kind of Leave it to Beaver perfect family where they're just they're having

conversations and then people just realize oh I understand everything now and and and like stuff just works out perfectly even when it doesn't there's some there's some like it's the stories are crazy there there's one that I

highlighted as as to me a perfect example of like I'm sorry th this story didn't happen where I don't know if you remember this one but he's talking about

not wanting to go see Star Wars with his daughter oh and yeah right and and the daughter says oh Dad I all right I know you don't like Star Wars You' slept

through it before right you don't you don't want to see this movie um and and and then his daughter who was like how old is the daughter in this story but she she says quote but you know why you

don't like Star Wars it's because you don't understand the philosophy and training of a Jedi Knight right what I said you know you know the things you

teach Dad those those same things you teach are the training of a Jedi Knight and then I said really let's go see Star Wars and we did she sat next to me and

gave me the new paradigm I became her student her learner it was totally fascinating and I could begin to see out of the new paradigm the whole way a Jedi

Knight's basic philosophy and training is manifested in different circumstances right it's like this didn't happen this there's no way that your daughter's like let me tell you about the philosophy and

training of a Jedi Knight because also like this movie is taking place in the 80s like this just this did not happen there is no way that your daughter was like let me explain to you how what Jedi

Knights do is exactly what you do dad you're you're just like a Jedi hey com you're a Jedi no wanted to be a Jedi is what this is all about I read that story

because that one is particular crazy but but just imagine like every single page there is some quick story about his family and like learning things from his

children or or teaching things to his children in ways that when you're on the 100th one of them like this is not believable like this is cra crazy I think the worst one for me is this is

towards the end of the book he's talking about how him and his family took a year away to Hawaii oh God yeah and he talks about how you know the kids would go to school and then he would pick them up on

like it's called like a Honda Trail master or something Trail cycle which is a motorbike where he said that all four of the family got on the bike and would

drive to the beach he's like I would sit on my wife would sit behind me the kid in between us and of them on my knee I was like how how it's like you circus performers like what are you doing well

well that that kind of description to me re reads like a thing where when when you're a psychologist and you start to unwind with someone false memories that they have because it's like like oh yeah we were all in the motor cycle yeah it's

like no that can't possibly have been the case right like let's let's start comparing this against Real World things like there's no way that you were doing this in the way that you're describing and then he would talk about how they

would sit on the beach and just talk for hours right like that every single day and then he's talk telling the story about how his wife would only buy frigid

A Appliances which is a company right they make like white goods and stuff MH and this was apparently a sore spot in their marriage because she would insist

on these frigid air appliances and for some reason this caused huge problems with tons of emotional baggage that because every time they needed to buy an appliance they had to go to the next town and they both would just dreading

this conversation was coming and every time it came it was like the end of their marriage and they had so much trouble with it and then she happened to remember that her father's business was saved by frigider how would you not

remember that how would you why would you know you had this like undying love for this company and not remember it was because your dad's business was saved by their financing of their appliances yeah

and and that that again is is an an example of like okay let's say that that story is is true this is also like almost a classic example of your your wife is probably just manufacturing a

memory about a thing that might have happened when she was a like it's so it's so weird it it's so strange so many of these stories

all I don't like it anymore because this is it right like and so like It suffers from this thing that all

these books do why give one example when you can list 20 yeah yeah well I give one example when you can list 20 there now again I will I will slightly in defense say that that in my memory the

thing which will will get to it which I think was the one idea is the one place that I think benefits from a bunch of examples uh but most of the time it

totally doesn't and the the the problem with a whole bunch of the examples is they are all these

just so examples right it's like let me tell you a thing and then here's an imaginary story about per how how it perfectly solved this situation right and it's like it's not a it's not a real

life example of of what to do like Ju Just to contrast with getting things done which again I will say I don't think is a book which really holds up anymore uh but one of the things I always find hilarious in that book is

David Allen talks about the problems and projects that you have and his problems and projects are always like hilarious rich person problem so he talks about like what like what's the first step to

building your next um orchard right and it's like well you know you need to you need to do all like that is that is literally an example in the book at one point right but but what I what like what I will appreciate about that is

okay he may be giving a bunch of examples but he works through like the specifics of this thing of like here's here's a thing like let's break down the way that you're supposed to think about

this whereas this book feels like a like a whole bunch of like Parables about an imaginary family that are vaguely

related to the ideas that he's pushing in the book and it's like okay this is my feeling throughout it is like there's no action and if if you read the book what

you can also see and and what really started to bother me is his philosophy which there's a very weird and very brief afterward which reemphasizes this idea but oh I didn't

listen to the afterward I got to the end of the seven habit I was like I'm done I'm out yeah but his his philosophy in large part he talks about like like he's constantly talking about making decisions to say to stay constant with

your principles right like this is this is like over and over this is the drum beat is like this the secret to living a good life is to have good principles and stick to them all right and and my

frustration with that is like yeah that's the whole problem right like that like that's the hard thing to do is to make the right decisions but so many of these things are like you need

to set out some some ideas and then just stick to them it's like dude just sticking to them is the hard part and what I absolutely love is in this ridiculous story where he talks about

having his son mowing the lawn it is the O there's once in the entire book where he explicitly acknowledged like doing something is hard because his kid promises to mow the lawn and then

doesn't and then when he calls his kid out on it his his kid cries and says oh Dad it's so hard and his in his internal monologue he says like oh what's so hard like you didn't do anything and then he

has one L in the whole book where he says well the hard thing is sticking to the principles right and then just blows right past it and it's like you've got a thousand Pages upon which every page is just like the secret to making good

decisions is to make good decisions and it's like there's nothing here like there's nothing here to talk about and it's this weird thing about choices and

there is a there is a moment which blows my mind in the afterward at the very end of the book which really sums it up where he's talking about choices and he

liter he literally just says something like if your parents abused you as a child that does not mean you have to abuse your own children right you can choose not to abuse your children and

it's like oh oh is that the problem like people are just making the it's it's crazy right like wow oh okay it's like

thank thanks for solving like these these systemic societal Problems by telling people who do bad things not to choose to do the bad things it's so

weird there are more examples of this so in one of the one of the many examples of relationship advice in this book uh there is somebody who came up to him at the end of a conference many people come

up to cvy at the end of his speaking engagements to to tell him stories oh my God yeah was was this was this the woman the nurse like who's working with the old man or was this another one there so

many this one is it's guys like um me and my wife we don't love each other anymore oh I have that highlight too oh my God it's amazing just love them but it's like but we don't get you just love

it just keeps saying over and over again just love them just love them and saying that you know love is a thing that is constructed by books and it's not a real thing and all you have to do is be attentive and it's it's like okay the

advice like there's probably some interesting stuff in this advice but the way that he gives it is just so weird like just love them like he's that that is his advice just love

them he just keeps saying it over and over again until the scales fall all from the person's eyes and they can finally see as part of K's teaching I think this is worth reading word for word this this weird like how to love

how to love your wife thing it's like okay listeners like strap in for a moment here yeah you you got on a wild ride okay so so here here's relationship advice from Steven Cy at one seminar

where I was speaking on the concept of productivity a man came up and said Stephen I like what you're saying but every situation is so different look at my marriage I'm really worried my wife

and I just don't have the same feelings for each other that we used to I guess I just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me what can I do love her I

replied I told you the feeling just isn't there anymore love her uh you don't understand the feeling of love just isn't there then love her if the

feeling isn't there that's a good reason to love her right but how do you love when when you don't love my friend Love

Is A Verb love the feeling is the fruit of love the verb so love her end of chapter right

like what the hell is this right like but but like but that is another version of the same story that gets told

a many times which is like just choose to do the better thing and it's like uh okay thanks thanks man I'll I'll be sure to do that it that that one is that one

is is just astounding yeah but there's many people at conferences and children and like these these are all like tropes of this genre but this one has so many weird ones and it's like by the end I

start feeling almost personally offended by the constant refrain of just do the thing that will make your life better and it's like screw you buddy like that

is that is not an answer like that is not an action right you can't like the way to love your wife is just love her right like okay right whatever chill dude it's like all right do you want to

love her what's your problem let's talk about the habits I I have more of these things to talk about as we go through but I want to start talking about the habits but yeah let's let's if if we don't start talking about

the habits we will never stop well we'll never get to them so let let's let's go through this again I want to just State my position I am infuriated by all of these things I'm I am so angry about the things that happen in this book like

that but I didn't find myself just losing my mind like did with the emth because I feel like in emth they were just Relentless and I feel at least there was some breaks here where he was talking about some interesting stuff and

I I do believe that this book has more than just one thing to take away from it Today's Show is brought to you in part by our friends at h building your online identity has never been more important

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so let's say that you're a blogger or a company even that's trying to create new leads or inform your customer base or just you want to talk about what's going on in your life you could use blog instead of something generic like com

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the over 400 name Extensions by going to hover.com cortex of course including blog our thanks to hover for their support of this show the habits are broken down into two

and a half categories the first three are classified as private Victory um and or Independence and then four to six are classified as public Victory or interdependence which is working with

others and the seventh habit is just about renewing all of the six so it's it's an interesting structure um and and I actually quite like the structure so the first three are classified as

proactivity beginning with the end in mind and putting first things first so habit one is proactivity and the idea and there's a great summary on Wikipedia for each of these um and I pulled some

of that out just to try and give a concise explanation for them so be proactive is in understanding your circle of influence and your circle of concern so the things that you can

influence about yourself and the people that you need to be concerned about the things that you need to try and change and not to just sit and wait in a reactive mode waiting for problems to happen before you take action you should

be out there and taking action and a lot of it is about understanding the language that you use and the way that you think about things so I really liked the this one example of saying things

instead of I have to do something you say that you choose to do something or instead of I wish I had done this to I can be this or I can do this and I I

really like this as a start because it was like saying saying to me the the reader think about yourself think about the way that you approach problems think about the way that you approach

opportunities and how you refer to them and try and understand the things that you are able to change and the things that you are able to kind of influence to change and I found it to be an

interesting way to start off and it's something that I know that in my life I have gotten better about over time but there was definitely a period of time

for me when I was in bank branch management where I was not being proactive and I was more focused on the fact that these bad things are just happening to me and I'm not you know and

there's nothing I can do about it rather than what I ended up working out later was like why am I doing this I don't like this I need to go out and change something so I I did actually quite like this it felt like a good start it was

just a shame that it started at 2 hours and 22 minutes yeah uh just a a small note before we move on while while you did note that the first uh the first habit comes in at 2 hours and whatever

minutes uh one one of the uh remarks that I have here in my highlights is the first promotion of the Steven cvy business starts at exactly 1 minute into the

book so uh there was there's a little little bit of a thing to notice there yeah this is interesting because in the actual book there's not a lot of it right because he's talking more about

being a teacher cuz that's what he was when he was writing this book mostly but the forward is after this book has changed his life and he is now a

Management Consultant right so he's doing these seminars and stuff which he mentions in the book but like if I'm reading it correctly like it wasn't what

it ended up becoming mhm like he doesn't make reference to the cvy business Empire based upon the seven habits during the book because it doesn't exist

yet but the forward is full of it right which is hilarious right yeah it comes right out of the gate um but I just I I thought that was just kind of funny and you know it's whatever but um I I also I

also agree like the first chapter it was interesting and I'll say like in fairness to the book I think if it catches you at the right moment in your life I genuinely think that that first

chapter can open up a bunch of people's minds to the way that they think about things yep purely the language stuff like that purely the language stuff the most interest one of the most

interesting things of the entire book actually for me because it really made me think about huh how do I say this stuff and why do I say it that way yeah

you know like I have to do this why do I have to do anything I can choose right and I found it really interesting yeah it was and um it reminded me of a little language thing which of course was like

a totally hopeless Lost Cause as a teacher um but but when I used to have kids come up and say like oh like I gave them a bad grade like I I would always use the language of like no you earned a

bad grade right or like I didn't give you a bad grade like you earned a bad grade just because again you turn in a good paper that I ended up changing until it became bad right like it wasn't

that bad when you gave it to me yeah and just like like just just changing a little bit of the language around that it's like you you are an active participant in this process right you're you're not just sitting there and I'm

handing out grades like there's a thing that's happening between the two of us and I I do I do like I said I think if you're at the right St in your life that

this might this might just catch you in the in the right moment and I I don't know I don't know what the timelight of this is but um I I was just wondering

because a lot of this reminded me of um I have a a relative who is a psychologist and works with like people who've been through some trauma and unwinding them about that and and

talking about the process of teaching people to interrupt their own thoughts like teaching people to catch themselves thinking in terms of the world is doing something to them versus you are an

actor in the world uh and and it just it's very like I talked to her about like it sounds very interesting like the the way that she she works with people to say like if you have a fear of heights like how how do you work someone

out through that and and part of it is like this change of you are you are an actor in the world like you are not the result of all of the actions upon you um

so like it was just kind of reminding me about uh this thing which uh it's I've gone through some of that sort of stuff and read some of it's cognitive behavioral therapy like I've looked into some of that times in my life like when

I was struggling with some of my work stuff this was a great help to me was was going through some of this stuff because there are some very valuable things in that right like the the idea

of understanding that like you can't control everything things happen and how do you react to them and like how do you change the way that you think and say stuff to be better in the world like

it's it is a very power thing and when I was reading this part this well when habit one was being read to me by Mr Cy himself I was reminded of a lot of these types of learnings and it was like okay

this is good that's that's interesting okay so so you saw the similarities to that too yeah I've only just heard about this in like a secondhand way and I was just think like oh okay this this sounds like a very similar idea and and at least talking to my family member who

does this it seems like if if you've got serious business about Behavior change in humans this seems to be one of the most effective ways to go about it like as far as as far as we know right now I I also I did just really like the um

so I think there is a way that he phrased something uh which is a better way of phrasing an idea that you and I have sometimes spoken about like how we don't really follow the news right or or

intentionally not following a whole bunch of things and I'm I'm always I'm always trying to encourage people to to sort of I don't want to say like be less

aware of the world but in a sense I I kind of am like focus on the things that you can do but I I did really like his his phrasing of this idea that that everybody has this circle of things that

they're concerned about and that circle is larger than the things that you can influence and I I I did think that language change was is is an interesting way to frame it because it's like oh of

course people get trapped and caught up in constantly thinking about the things that are inside their circle of concern but that

are outside their circle of influence and I just I thought like that's a really interesting way to differently frame uh this idea and I

I think that is also again like maybe for a person at the right moment that idea can be really liberating to recognize that like yes there are there are many things you may be concerned

about over which you have absolutely no influence and so you have to make a decision about not obsessively thinking

about that stuff or working to expand your circle of influence so that you can actually do something about it that is no longer out outside of of your power

so I I I thought that was also like a a a good way to frame this concept of of like selective ignorance in a way habit

two is begin with the end in mind now I thought that this habit went off the rails incredibly quickly but turned me around so this habit is is about envisioning what you want in the future

so you can plan and work towards it and to be effect and the idea is to be effective you need to act based on principles and constantly reviewing a mission statement that you create so

there are two main things in this part which is one the envisioning of the future and then the second is the mission statement now I it was really interesting to me because these things were both

introduced and my mind was changed about each of them in a 180 so the first is the way begins talking about envisioning your future is let's picture your

funeral and my eyes nearly rolled right out of my head I know yeah I had the I had the exact same experience of like ah and he the idea is what would you

like to hear people say about you like and the idea is someone that you work with someone who would talk about your character and someone who would be a friend or family member and what difference would you like to have on people's lives and he says to work out

like you know write down what you would want and by the end of this whilst he was clearly going for a shock factor with the let's picture your

funeral I found it an interesting exercise because trying to think about what do I want to be thought as like

people that I work with people that I care about how do I want them to think of me like how would I want them to describe me it doesn't need to be at my funeral right but that was a bit too

much but what what and I I found that to mik yeah I found that to be an interesting exercise that I took something from right like I wrote some stuff down and I

was like I I I like this this is a good thing to think about because then how does that affect your life and the things that you do like if you want to

be by the end of your life seen as these three or four things how do you get there and what path do you take to make sure you don't deviate from them I found that to be very interes so beginning

with the end in mind so setting up your plan now for how you want to be seen at the end I kind of like that yeah I also I I couldn't deal with

the funeral thing it was too much it was silly yeah and for me it's it's overblown and like weirdly pompous in a in a way like oh you're going be surrounded by all these these loving

people nobody nobody has a better thing to do on a Tuesday afternoon then go to your funeral right it's like whatever um but but it again it does it does have a

point and there's there's a way of I think the life scale is too big but it is an interesting question when people are

working on projects of um I kind of like to phrase it of like what's the best thing that could possibly come out of of what you're working on right now like like if everything went absolutely great what's the what's the biggest possible

upside of of this thing that you're working on and and very often like if if you sort of think about that you can realize that some some projects just aren't worth spending the time on um but but people can end up

starting them I I think because they're sort of skipping this idea of of thinking about what does the final version of this look like um so yeah I

think the the whole Arc of your life doesn't doesn't really work for me but I I I think this is a valuable concept on a smaller scale of of have a clear idea in

your mind of of what you're trying to achieve uh and and that will help direct your actions towards what it is you actually want to need to do in order to make that

happen then the second part of this is the personal mission statement which is the thing that you create and adapt and update throughout your life to try and keep you on the course towards what you

want to be remembered for and I was like that's an interesting idea until the personal mission statement became 3 to four to 5 to six to seven paragraphs long mhm I was expecting a sentence or

two right like a real kind of like a thing you could put on the wall and you could look at it every day and be like that's what I want to be but these person personal mission statements were like

noela length for each person that was talking about them and it completely lost me right like I surprising like cu's not cu's not uh a brief guy right so it's not surprising that his his

personal mission statement would be like let's sit down and write a little Noella but then like every example he was giving for these totally 100% real people was the same right and it was

like it was so frustrating to me because it buil built me up right to this idea where I was like I am on board with this this is really great and then it was like you've you've destroyed it because

I don't want to have to sit on a beach for an hour like you do every year to write my mission statement like this is something that if I'm going to do this I want it to be a short thing he actually

at one point Compares it in length and importance to the American Constitution yeah that's great y right it's like do you understand that maybe

you've gone too far at this point right and also that's that's probably a big ask like someone who's reading this book and is trying to turn their life around you're like look just sit down and write a constitution for you yeah like

whoa so again like I might take this and twist it right and and because I I have now the things that I think about right like what what do I want to be remembered as maybe I should try and

turn that into something which is a bit little bit more realistic for me so it's like this again this is why I am a little bit more on board with this book than emth because you know we're not

that far into it and I've Come Away with some things that whilst not perfect I actually think work pretty well mhm you know like the circle of influence circle of concern I think is is is very

interesting and and it it perfectly explains something that I struggle to explain to people the same way that you do and the idea of beginning with the end in mind and kind of how you want to

move towards creating something which can encapsulate that there's some interesting stuff in that for me before we move on Mike though before we get on to Habit 3 I just want to pause here for

a moment to point out that habit 2 is when Steven cvy visits the same magic Hotel yes that is in emth Revisited when I got to when I got to this

point I actually had almost like a childish Glee of like oh my God it's another magic Hotel like I'm sitting on the airplane I'm like T this is amazing I I I think I I was walking through Cent

garden and I think I started laughing out loud when he when he was talking about his magic Hotel our favorite part of the eth Rev visited is this hotel that the the author goes to which is

completely fictional cannot exist in real life I did some digging apparently this hotel is a chain and it does exist but again I don't believe that it goes the way that it does where this hotel

created their own personal mission statement which just funnily enough is the same vacular that he uses when the book has not been published because apparently that's a thing and that

literally everybody in the company from the houskeeping to the janitors to the bell boys to the everything everybody sat down and was 100% engaged in creating this personal mission statement

like don't lie to me tell me if this thing exists that's fine but it wasn't like that it it just doesn't work like that it yeah there's there's several

things here I mean according to the book this mission statement for the hotel was the Hub of a great wheel it spawned the thoughtful more specialized mission statements of particular groups and employees and it was used as the

criteria for every decision that was made it clarified what people stood for how they related to the customers how they related to the to each other right this is this is one of these moments and there's there's a an example that

happens a few pages earlier which is a similar thing which I don't know how to describe it but I think of a kind as a kind of CEO disease where okay let's say this hotel existed and let's say the

hotel got everybody from the janitors to the CEO together and they did all work on a mission statement and some and right and and a document was created

right I don't know about you but my experience doing that kind of stuff like when I was working for someone is that the rank and file employees are all

thinking like this is a total BS day where we have to have a silly pointless meeting and the people on top seem to think that something amazing has occurred and there's there's like a

there's like a great difference in the experience of what people think is happening in the room right and and so it's like even if this happens and I believe it it's like I just don't

believe that the like the janitors at the hotel are like you know what I feel really on board with the value in position of this hotel now like I just don't believe that I think the the janitors are busy thinking like man I

got a lot of stuff to clean up today and and this meeting is just making me have to stay after hours to work longer like I think that's what's really happening when this when this occurs the closest

I've ever gotten to this I worked for a company when I was in college where it's a big company it's a big department store chain in the

UK where they distribute the company's profits to the employees okay right there that is genuinely meaningful right that that's that's a different thing because it's not like words on a page

it's money in your pocket so this is a huge company make a lot of money and every year every single person gets a bonus which is a percentage of their

salary from the person who is pushing shopping carts through the parking lot to the CEO everybody gets the same percentage obviously the amount differs

but everybody gets the same percentage that percentage shrinks or grows depending on how well the company does and I saw things in that working for that company that I have never seen

since like for example the last person who leaves the staff changing room turns the lights off at night because the electricity bill goes towards the bonus like little things like that where I saw

a lot more buyin in that company than I've seen in any other company because there is an actual thing that you can point to to show that if we all work

towards this together we get something yeah that that is that is a perfect example of of what I always feel is like what really

matters is it's not it's not words it's not trying harder it's a structure that encourages or rewards the actual behavior that you want right and you

know in this in this book it's so clear that it's like if you're the leader of a company your words are just are magic pixie dust that spread on your employees and then and then they just behave in ways that you want them to do it's like

that is that is not the way it is and yeah your your description of that is interesting that's like oh look if you set up an actual structure that encourages the behavior that you want you're probably going to get more of the

behavior that you want but the but the thing is like that might cost you in other ways right you you can't just say Costless words and get the same

result habit three put first things first so this talks about the difference between leadership and management leadership in the outside world begins with personal vision and personal

leadership and it also talks which I all of that stuff leadership and management I have no time for it I've heard too much of it I I can't talk about it I have literally no personal notes about that entire part of the book because I

could give a crap about the difference between leadership and management yeah right yeah that this kind of stuff is like skim skim skim but but for me Habit 3 put first things first this is where

when I say my review is one good idea in a thousand Pages this is the chapter that to me had the one good idea uh and yes and I I when I was reading it you

know what I'm going for I knew you were going to like this right okay yeah so I don't know if this is here's a question I don't know if this is original to step cvy like i' I've I was I was trying to do a little bit of a digg of digging

around and it seems like this idea predates him but it doesn't matter because this is the first place that I came across this idea where he talks

about time management Matrix and the time management Matrix is this 4x4 grid where you talk about all all of your everything that

you have to do you can categorize in a couple of ways right you have things that are Urgent and things that are not urgent and you have things that are important and you have things that are not

important so you can think about your tasks in that way and that ends up with what like he labels as these little boxes right so like box one is stuff that is urgent and important right and

then you have like box three is stuff that is urgent but not important and and you can move around all these different categories and this is the thing that I

really like because it's a it's a clear way to frame your work that I think is

nonobvious to lots of people and the idea that it is so easy to get sucked up

into work that is urgent but not important like this like this is a death trap of productivity and like I I remember really trying to apply this in

a whole bunch of ways and and and really really feeling like I get this idea that in in order to make significant progress like you're going to have to

drop a bunch of stuff that is urgent but not important and instead just focus on the things that are not urgent but are important like there's there's

trade-offs you're going to have to let some stuff slide and here is a good Matrix for making a decision about in the universe of the infinite number of

things that you can do these are the things that you should drop and this is the one section of the book that I think benefits from he has more concrete examples here where he's talking about like you're having a conversation with

someone and then the phone rings while you're talking to them like the phone is the thing that is urgent right but the person that you're talking to is important but it's incredibly hard for almost everybody to like resist the the

ringing of the phone and he goes through a bunch of these things I think it's really good and I also like he you know he's talking about this idea

that a lot of these longer thing longer term things that you can work on that are not urgent but important are also the things that give you more time later because like you're you're establishing

a much more solid foundation about how your routine and how your work life goes and so this to me is like the core of the book is this little section which is

at the end of of habit 3 and I think it's the the most valuable per page section of the book so I did really like this um I liked the idea one of the

things that comes out of this is learning to be able to say no to things right from knowing that you have a

better yes available to you yeah yeah I loved I mean I've heard a million times and said a million times about being able to say no and understanding how to be able to say no and actually saying no

but the idea of the second part of that which is because you know there are better yeses available to you is very interesting to me like understanding is

important to you so you can help better gauge opportunities like if you get something that comes to you which is urgent but not important and you can say no to it say no to it because there might be something that is urgent and

important that you will need to deal with soon and like a lot of these like meetings many meetings that might come up probably say no to right like you maybe don't need to be at that meeting

because you have something that you know is going to be there which is important for you so the idea of knowing you have better yes is available understanding what is important to you and what is urgent to you and focus on those things

and then finding ways to delegate and or not do the other stuff very powerful way of thinking about it and you know drawing out this grid the time management Matrix that he talks about um

I drawn it out in my Apple notes as he was explaining it and I liked the way that that all looked it's difficult to explain but simple to see and you can find this stuff and I'll find some links and put them into the notes so you can see what it looks like if you can

actually see it it starts to make a lot more sense the rest of this chapter though a lot of it maybe the like two-thirds of it is talking about time management methods didn't listen didn't

care it was just happening to me I'm not interested in a book from 1989 talking to me about time management because the tools are not the same anymore and I know some of the

fundamental purposes and the fundamental ideas will be the same but here is at points talking about specific functions and tools and like planners and notebooks it's like no like I might or

might not use something like this but there are better systems out there now stuff like bullet journaling which I'm more interested in looking at than listening to Steven Cy in 1989 telling

me how to manage my time right I feel like a pre- internet age book is maybe not the best place to get this stuff from yeah no it's it's it's not good for this stuff and while I do really like

that section and and you know it's it's maybe like three or four pages where he's he's going through how to think about this it then I feel like oh the book the book briefly elevates to something good and then it quickly

descends because at the end there's there's a section where where he's posing the question to himself about like but how do you know what is important and like oh that's that's a good question right like how do you know

what is important in your life and and the answer is your principle Center your self-awareness and your Consciousness can provide a high degree of intrinsic security guidance and wisdom to empower

you to use your independent will and maintain Integrity to that which is truly important it's like go to hell man right like there's not an like you'll

just like this is this is again like the recurring theme of like you just make good decisions like oh you'll just know what's truly it's like like don't say anything if you're going to say that because you might as well not say

anything and it it infuriates me but yeah it the the after that section like the chapter rapidly descends and I do

have to say we're up to up to Habit 3 and from from this point on the book to me descends rapidly into worthlessness

like I think 99% of the value is in the first three chapters and you could take those three first three chapters and decrease them by 75% and get out out

from the book most of of what you're going to get out of it okay so I mostly agree with you and I wonder if this is a thing about me and you as opposed to the

book okay what do you mean the first three chapters are focused mostly on working on your own skills and how you

make yourself more effective the next three are about working with other people in what seems to be focused on

large groups and lots of people and I think that there is a lot of this stuff which is like how are you more effective in a business meeting with 12 people in the room how are you more effective in

doing a deal with a multinational corporation like MH things that I think that me and you have mostly moved away from in our lives because that's not the type of work that interests us like we

are more focused on being independent and having our own small businesses as opposed to being a cog in a huge machine which I think habits four five and six

seem to focus a lot more on like they seem to be really focused on working in a corporation that's what I'm trying to get to with this like they seem to be

way more focused on how do you become the best employee out of the 10,000 employees of your company and and I wonder if maybe me and

you don't take so much from this cuz I don't I didn't really I all of the stuff that I like is in one two and three four five and six there is some nuggets in there that are interesting but there is

like one or two of the habits that are just completely pointless to me mhm and I wonder if it's just something about how me and you think or if they are

mostly that way I don't know yeah there there is something to that that this is less focused to us um it's funny I didn't so much get the feeling that this

is necessarily part of being a very large group like obviously the the whole point of the next three is it's it is about working with people but I didn't have that feeling so much that it's it's

like you you a cog in this machine um maybe it's partly because he's so still much incredibly talking about his family uh like in win-win solutions for him and his wife and children there there is a possibility that I'm applying this to

things that I have experienced yeah that that you're thinking of it in this way but I I also um I also think that it it

it the the like the ratio of the idea to the practicality of it drops to absolutely nothing like the the win-win chapter in particular this is habit for think winwin yeah habit for think

win-win has some of the most crazy stories in in terms of the way to come up with win-win Solutions is to have a great win-win

solution for everybody and and that's like just over and over again where it's like ah there's two people who didn't agree but then someone came up with a win-win solution right that that served them both and there's something that to

me that felt like so artificially constructed about these scenarios and it's like man most of the time if you're having a a disagreement with someone is like the hard part is finding a win-win

solution it's not the idea of gee I wish there's something that both of us could get out of this right like it's it's I I found that these next chapters just have very very little actionness in them and

it and it goes into real crazy town of like things are good when they're good and and do the right stuff that was a lot of habit for think

win-win that was gibberish to me mostly um the amount of different win lose lose win lose lose win lose lose lose lose I couldn't follow it couldn't follow it um there is it reminded me there is a scene

in the office I think it's like a whole episode oh my God I was thinking of the exact same thing yeah I know what you're talking about win like it's like oh they must have got it from this book I can't

imagine any other way but it's the idea is balancing decisions and actions in such a way that everybody benefits and that relationships don't get damaged so

you get what you want or relationships geted because you've given else there is something interesting in that um which is oh it relates to something I did we didn't talk about which is the emotional

bank account M the emotional bank account is something a part of habit 3 this is one of the many ideas that cvy creates however whilst again he goes on

way too long talking about this the idea of the emotional bank account I found to be an interesting one and is the idea is that the amount of trust that you build to somebody helps you work with them in whatever it

is in your life family business relationships and you make deposits to the bank account through doing good things and you make withdrawals from the emotional bank account through mistakes that you make bad things that you do but

they're just withdrawals because you've made so many deposits that they just take a little bit from it rather than destroying everything this is the emotional bank account again I liked it when he proposed it but by the end of

the book I've heard it too many times but he applies the win-win idea to the emotional bank account because if you are not thinking in a win-win scenario you may withdraw Too Much from the bank account because people are losing that

kind of idea these two things they marry into each other in a way of trying to make sure that you balance decisions so that everybody remains happy and trustful in a relationship of some

description mhmh but the win-win stuff it's like he could have actually spoken about it in five minutes but instead he took an hour and a half like there is too much stuff in this and it becomes

baffling to understand by the time that he's done with it like just like I don't I I I tried and could not get my head around it but the idea effectively is

just if everybody wins it's better for everybody's happiness in the long term like you don't want to shaft somebody now because later on you may lose their

business you know um and he gives some wild examples of huge deals he left on the table and then companies come back and give them every penny that they've ever made just for the pleasure of

working with him but I will say in my work in my business part of what I do is advertising sales I have always tried to work in this way of like if you try and

have a good relationship with people there may be going to be more likely to come back to you in the future and if you maybe try and squeeze every penny out of somebody you may harm the relationship like that is the Nugget

here which is interesting but the problem with this habit with this chapter is it incredibly overblown to the point of almost nonsensical yeah and it's all there's

also something about this chapter which strikes me as um this may be unfair but it strikes me a little bit as like let's just teach murderers not to murder like like I

think people who are really focused on the idea of like I'm going to I'm going to screw over my business partners to get every last penny today like I don't I don't think those people you're going to do a great job of explaining the

concept of long-term human relationships I I I think people are again like in my experience in bu business as well it's like people are already naturally on

board with this idea or they aren't and I ju I just don't think there's a lot of motion across the aisle on this topic uh so it it strikes me as a like a somewhat

pointless topic today's episode of Cortex is brought to you by timing the automatic time tracking app for Mac hey time tracking we spoke about that a bunch on this show some of you love it

some if you find it tricky it doesn't matter what it is I know that time tracking can be a tricky thing mostly for a lot of people because you have to start and stop timers it interrupts your workflow and honestly you often forget

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timeline automatically makes suggestions for filling gaps in your timeline and can ask you what you did offline every time you return to your Mac that way you'll never forget to enter a meeting

again there are loads of great graphs and charts that break down not just the apps that I've been using but also categorizations of the types of tasks that I will be completing in them these

categories can be completely customized so when I'm for example in logic I can say oh whenever I'm in logic I'm editing a podcast and that's an easy thing to do and then everything that I categorize as

podcasts can all go into one bin into one category no matter what type of app bit it is timing can even give you a sense of what your most productive times are based upon the data it sees from a

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check it out on set app as well timing stop worrying about time and focus on doing your best work instead habit five seek first to

understand then to be understood use empathetic listening to genuinely understand a person which compels them to reciprocate the listening and take an

open mind to being influenced by you mhm okay so if I was going to say the one interesting thing in this diagnose before you prescribe that's all this needs to be he explains it pretty well

with another ludicrous example of how like everyone in his town was at a football game and the doctor they had and his daughter was sick and she was a newborn and there was medicine like it's

this wild thing that explains the idea of before you try and tell someone what to do listen to them first right yeah that's kind of it yeah but it is

massively overblown ethos posos and logos comes up at one point I didn't get what that was all about the whole idea of empathetic listening is interesting

you know you you mimic what somebody says rephrase it reflect the feelings right so like you're listening to what people are saying you're showing them that you're listening by repeating to them what they're saying etc etc there's

some interesting stuff in there but this has one of the most overblown examples that he gives I've been saving for this moment which is

when he is talking to his son about being a mechanic oh God okay do you remember this one I'm I'm I'm trying to I'm trying to remember

because this one was one of the like I'm skipping the fastest through here because I I know it's like yeah I'm on board with the idea of trying to understand someone before you before you do these things and I was is having a

hard time so start start me with the mechanic story cuz I'm not remembering it off the top of my head so he he's saying about I think he I don't remember if he's saying this is his son or he's

just creating an example right of and I think he might mention this at one point about a kid who yeah he he does actually say like this is one he's just posing an

idea here right it's like maybe imagine this happening a kid who comes to their father and doesn't want to go to school anymore and says I don't want to go to school anymore and he plays out this

conversation he plays both sides of this conversation and the kid is like I don't want to go to school and the dad's like well we worked really hard to send you to school and like etc etc and he's playing not only both of these people

but also this like Greek chorus of explaining the imagination and mind of how each people were feeling at this

moment of like and then and then he plays it again but speaking both as as the per as the child but also as the

child's inner monologue at that moment of being like he doesn't want to listen to me why why does he hate me and then plays this other way of like if you did

it with empathic listening how it would improve the situation to the point where the kid who doesn't want to go to school because he's talking about like there's a friend of his or like a friend of the

family who's become a mechanic and they've done well and they didn't go to school why don't I do that this is like how the first two examples of this goes and the dad's like being a mechanic is ridiculous you need to go and be a lawyer I don't know why Ki hates

mechanics so much but apparently he does kind know he hates meic really hates mechanics it's very strange almost as much as he hates television also very

strange um like he he's talking about like oh don't be a mechanic BL and then it gets to a point where the the the final way where the the father is using empathic listening the kid is explaining

oh but you know I want to be a mechanic and and the kids and then the dad's like but does Joey have such a great life and the kids's like I don't know to the point where the kid also hates mechanics

and he loves school it's like this this isn't how this conversation would go it genuinely ends though with him saying mhm owning up to the fact that this is probably not how this conversation would

go like that's how he finishes this in like it's like a 20 minute thing and he's like I know he's like I have created this example and I know maybe this isn't how it would go and there were a bunch of different ways that it could go but this is how empathic

listening might help I'm like oh my God this is so ridiculous that he can't even finish it by owning like by like owning it he has to own up to the fact that this is probably not how this

conversation would play out like why are we doing this then yeah this this was one of the most wild in the book like it I really I'm like listening to it and I

just couldn't understand why he felt the requirement to do it in this way yeah I remember now going through this and just being confused at the multiple like I

just I don't understand what's happening here like just listening through this thing and my brain's not fully paying attention and it's like wait a minute is it the same story again like am I going scile or is he going scen like yeah I

just remember this being like a weird a weird confusing mess as like is there some kind of art project happening in the middle of this book like I don't I don't get

it habit six synergize oh this is maximum crazy this is maximum crazy in the book this is

where it goes off the rails in just an amazing way because here stepen covy is is trying to say like Synergy is the result of all of the things that we have talked about before and so it's like you

know all these buzzwords like we're bringing them all back people like and they're all going to be in a row and we're going to talk about all of them together and and this to me this chapter

is maximum crazy uh like his his definitions of Synergy his stories um there's one story at the end that I particularly like uh but but yeah this

this one is this one is rough I think there is not a single sentence of value in the entire chapter so the idea of habit six is to combine the strengths of

people through positive teamwork so as to achieve goals that no one could have done alone all right um it's not compromise by the way compromise is not Synergy no no compromise is not Synergy

compromise is 1+ 1 equals one and a half Mike okay let me try and explain this I don't know how I'm going to be able to so apparently Synergy is when the whole

is greater than the sum of its parts in Synergy you could get 1 + 1 equal 3 or as he says 1 + 1 equals 10 or 10,000 or

50,000 I like what are you doing like have you lost your mind why are you saying these numbers but compromising is not Synergy it is a lower form of

win-win if you compromise it's like 1 + 1 = 1.5 which to be honest still sounds pretty good cuz it's you know it's like whatever but 1 + 1 =

1.5 but synergizing is 1 + 1 equal 3 now dear listener if you do not understand this that's fine because I don't either I don't know what the difference is and I've and I've listened to the whole book

Ju Just to be I mean just to be clear quote Synergy is the essence of principal centered leadership it is the essence of principle centered parenting it catalyzes unifies and unleashes the greatest Powers within people all the

habits we have covered us prepare us to create the miracle of synergy which which is just like algebra new algebra rules and yeah it's the the chapter is

amazing he's really obsessed with the idea of constantly referring to 1+ 1 equaling some other number uh like this is this is his constant go-to with what

Synergy means in this chapter to one of my one of my favorite little stories here which which is it's almost like the Checkmate meme on the internet like like happening in in real conversation where

I I don't know if you remember but he's he's talking to a guy who's like doubting the concept of synergy um so again as with all of these stories it somehow it somehow quickly turns to

marriage and family everything is marriage and family uh but so some someone is doubting that this this magic of synergy exists to Steven cvy oh God I

just remembered it yes oh my God this is so good yeah right and so so like he turn he turns to the guy and and and so the book says like I looked

at the two of them so it's the guy and his wife yeah cuz yeah this guy is having uh they're having problems in their relationship and for some reason so he meets this guy obviously at the

end of a conference and he invites Ki to go to lunch with him and his wife so he can listen to the way that they communicate yeah yeah right and and and this is this is also a thing that I

don't have a whole lot of tolerance for is like a lot of weird 1980 science about the concept of left versus right brain people I wonder how you'd feel about that yeah he's like he's a really left brain person and she's a really R

brain person and like this is a weird idea that still still infects educational pedagogy today and like all of the stuff that this is based on is non-replicable and his nonsense it's like okay whatever so but so Steven cvy

like professional psychologist PhD is like oh the these are he's a line where he's like oh these are these are two half-brained people living together like they're having a hard time talking and and he says like you guys need to be

more synergistic and they and they're saying I I don't understand what you mean by by Synergy and so the again resolution to fix this guy's marriage here's how it goes Steven cvy says do

you have any children I asked yes too really I asked incredulously which feels a bit presumptuous there I know he and then Ste so Stephen Cy

says how did you do it and they said what do you mean how did we do it you were synergistic I said 1 + 1 usually

equals 2 but you made 1 + 1 equals 4 now that's Synergy the whole is greater than the sum of the parts and it's like what you're just counting things like it it's

so yeah weird not like these people they can't communicate they struggle to communicate they seem to kind of not really like each other very much anymore but for some reason you fixed it by

saying they had kids 10 years ago like I don't understand right the solution yeah so this this this is just maximum crazy in this chapter like it it doesn't make

any sense it's like in his mind people can only have children if they're in a healthy functional relationship yeah that that is a that is a good way to put it like he's he's like but your children are here like what I don't understand

what why do you have a problem don't you understand that if you have children that shows that you're you're great together it's like I don't know man even from your telling of the story it sounds like maybe they should get divorced like for the benefit of the

children oh it's but I I don't know if he can do minuses like can he do 1 - one equals is that what would happen to the it would still be a plus like somehow in

his mind 1 minus one would be 2 million or something yeah yeah it's Cy hates math like he hates TV he he he at some point goes into this rent and I don't

know where exactly it is MH he is talking about how TV is mostly bad for us and there are some educational shows

that are good and we watch 40 hours a week of TV somehow and that in his household they watch 7 hours a week and everybody is happy with that like I'm

not really sure why he gets into this but like he seems to feel that like TV is a plague on society it's very strange yeah yeah there there are a

bunch of just digs out of nowhere at TV um oh I actually think it is in habit 7 which is called sharpen the source so habit 7 is about the continued

Improvement of the other habits so it is taking everything that you have making and and continuing over your life to build and renew resources energy and improve your health to create a sustainable long-term effective

lifestyle and you have to be able to sharpen the sore and make your life good so you can live the rest of the habits and it brings it all together and this is broken down into three major parts

which is physical renewal which is exercise something kind of referred to as good service which can be considered as prayer on meditation or helping in your community and mental renewal which

is reading this is where he talks about the problem of TV because he believes that people should be reading all the time right yeah yeah it's yeah there big big push for reading on there yeah I had

nothing about this one this one I I it was just cuz by this point the technical deth that he has created with the phrases and the buzzword is almost

Monumental like yeah there was a point in this book where it's like you just said 50 words and I think you created 15 of them like I don't understand what you're talking about anymore

because intradependence and interdependence you use both of them and I sometimes don't know which one you're talking about it's it's gets a it's too bogged down at this point and he's

trying to sum up too many things that he's created yeah it yeah it doesn't it doesn't work anymore it's like tldr go to go to the gym uh and take care of

your mind yeah the end like that's that that's the end of it with no real uh practical advice on anything and it's I think there's actually a very interesting question uh around this this

idea which he doesn't touch at all but it's like you could have a much more interesting conversation around this because I feel like this is a thing in the in the modern world which is the concept of burnout like people never

taking time yeah right to have breaks or to regenerate uh intellectual Capital like or build them back up that it's like there's there could be something

interesting here about constantly working is depleting a resource and you you have to be aware of rebuilding that resource in times off but it's like there's no discussion of that um it's

just continually additive like you you're you're adding uh all of these habits and all of these activities into your life and like and now on top of it like we're going to add all of this community service like and you're also

going to be reading and you're going to be going to the gym and it just at this point feels like overwhelming the sheer number of things that a person would have to do uh to maintain all of this so

yeah it's there could be a good idea here but this this chapter is like it is at the end and you just you feel like I can't I can't go on right please please just please make it end please make it

end and that is it that's the seven habits I maintain I want to Su I want to maintain I I I did find use in this book and I get excited to talk about the bad things cuz it's funny right to talk

about the terrible things with you but I do think there are some interesting things in this book that I am going to take with me you know the idea of um be thinking about being proactive and

understanding the language that I use and how it affects things thinking about how I want to be remembered thinking about trying to maybe create a personal mission statement and what that might look like as a way to sum up how I want

my life to to go before me thinking about things that are important and Urgent and how I delegate and the emotional bank account like these are things that I find genuine ly thought-provoking um in a way that a lot

of these business books don't have the ability to make me think about so many things as this one has done MH so I having read this book I can see why it

had been so popular because there are things in here that are interesting 30 years later to me right this book is 30 nearly 30 years

old and I think that there is some some genuinely interesting stuff in this book but there is also as with all of these

books a lot of nonsense just real nonsense and unfortunately these two ideas are not really these two things are not really mixed together it's like the first half

is good and the second half is crazy which is a shame they didn't mix it up so it kind of lost me yeah yeah I I I I

have to hard not recommend this book to anybody like I I just think for for anybody who is trying to improve their life like it's just it's too much to slog through it's it's too

incoherent and while this is the foundation of very many of of books in this genre I think you're probably better off picking up

you know something that is written that is more modern which may be ripping off the ideas of this book but but doing it in a more coherent and constructive manner so it's I just I cannot recommend

this one because the C is just it's too much and the book is so long it's such a big ask to have somebody go go through with it I just I can never imagine a situation in which I would recommend

anybody to read this book like again I haven't read anything further there are more books in this idea like created by the Cy company that could be better

right like they could be more updated they could be more abbreviated um which might be better but yeah I agree that like I as say there are interesting things here I recommend trying to find

something that builds upon some of the habits you know maybe finding out a bit about them honestly you've probably got a lot of what you need from us talking about it for you to decide if you think any of these things are interesting to

you and then maybe trying to find things that are offshoots of it maybe just focusing on some of the specific habits cuz it is really really long and there is a lot of it that really doesn't need

to be there and that with all of these books it is what makes it hard that they are filling Pages M A lot of it is just genuinely Pages need to be filled and

they're filling them and you can feel that there are times when you can just really feel like he's hitting a word count for this chapter because there just stuff like I don't know why you're talking about this anymore so there is a

lot of that here I don't think he's hitting a word count right this to me again just it just it just reads as like a Markoff chain generator that people just didn't didn't shut off soon enough right and it's like oh we got a thousand

pages right of this thing and ship it right like whatever it because it doesn't matter because it's like it's uh it's fractally self-similar at a large scale and a small scale like it's it's all the same throughout the whole thing

it doesn't matter just ship a thousand pages of it so uh yeah there are books where I definitely feel like oh I can see how you turned your interesting article into a paperback book that you're now going to sell and like then

you can feel like okay you're obviously just padding here but but this this I think I think we're getting pure cvy here I I I think there there was no point where he was like M I need to hit that word count I feel like he he had

this book flow through him and it and it came out into the world Mike do you want to close out our discussion on the seven habits of highly effective people with

the music that was played in The Seven Habits of Highly affected people I think so because we had to listen to it a lot so I think our listeners should have to

get it just at least once just so they can understand the sacrifice that we made for them U so yes here is the music which punctuated almost every 10 minutes

it felt like of The Seven Habits of

Highly Effective People

[Music]