the art of finding balance

balance. Everyone talks about it as something we're supposed to find, as if it's the key to everything, some sort of holy grail hack for adulthood. And when we find it, our lives will suddenly be perfectly portioned out.

>> So, enough about that. How's the list going? >> Um, it's going.

>> Anyway, I'll see you in two weeks. >> Yep. Bye. The thing is, the more I strive for it, the more I question if it even exists.

As you might know, if you've been following along, I have been on a mission of sorts. I've started this list over here to see what I can get done by the end of my 20s, which is coming up really soon. While there was a bit of a

slow start and a few things that threw me for a loop, I also have a few updates to catch you up to speed on. Take more photos. As much as I love it, never been consistent until now. A tangible thing and a form of documenting my life after

all. Mission complete. Next, find a perfect daily routine. Okay, so maybe

all. Mission complete. Next, find a perfect daily routine. Okay, so maybe not perfect. I still have to drag myself out of bed, but it's better than it's

not perfect. I still have to drag myself out of bed, but it's better than it's been in recent years. And finally get back into journaling. Used to do it a lot. Took a break. And clearly I must be going through it since it was probably

lot. Took a break. And clearly I must be going through it since it was probably the easiest to cross off. But despite me doing all these things which have been great for the list, things have been piling up on the other end, the work end. Turns out you can't just drop everything and pursue your whimsy

end. Turns out you can't just drop everything and pursue your whimsy activities without throwing your whole life out of balance. With that being said, it's time for the next activity. Part of the reason why I made my 20's

list was because my life felt totally out of balance. A couple of years ago, I turned my hobby into work, which while amazing, I think it's important to have a hobby that doesn't necessarily relate to your job. And I tried a couple of things, even rock climbing that one time, but it never really committed to

it. So, this time around, one of the things on my list was to find a new

it. So, this time around, one of the things on my list was to find a new hobby, something a bit better suited for me, a bit less intense maybe, especially after the first few tasks. No productivity, no pressure, just simply a

hobby. So, I researched a couple of things for me to give a try.

hobby. So, I researched a couple of things for me to give a try.

I heard this concept recently, open loops. It's something you told yourself you would do but haven't finished yet. I imagine it like this. Say you're in line for a roller coaster, but instead of getting on the ride, you just go and

line up for a different one. Soon you're in line at several coasters, but never having the satisfaction of seeing one through. Open loops feel like that. The tasks can be something big, like a project you set out to do, or small, like answering a

text, even the goals you set for yourself, the things you want to be excited about. But your brain keeps them running in the background nonetheless.

excited about. But your brain keeps them running in the background nonetheless.

And depending on the timeline we set for ourselves, we either get them done and we feel great or it builds up and eventually weighs down on us. What I'm

trying to say is that I feel like I have so many open loops that I want to close, but it feels like every task takes away from another. It seems easier to avoid it altogether. But closing even one of those loops can feel like a tiny reprief, even if temporary.

it altogether. But closing even one of those loops can feel like a tiny reprief, even if temporary.

So, I'm trying air clay. Basically, it's like pottery at home. You don't have to fire it. You just kind of let it air dry and then you can paint it. So, right now

fire it. You just kind of let it air dry and then you can paint it. So, right now I am Okay, trust the vision first of all, but I am making a trinket tray. I

need more trinket trays in my life. I have a lot of trinkets and not enough trays. I ordered a kit just cuz it had everything in it to make it easier and

trays. I ordered a kit just cuz it had everything in it to make it easier and it actually comes with instructions. As you can see, it's still like it's not blended. This is very cool to like give you a sponge and everything. Not

blended. This is very cool to like give you a sponge and everything. Not

sponsored. It's very messy, but I guess that's the crafting though. This is

feeling like actual pottery right now. It's coming together. Oh my gosh. Oh my

gosh. Wait, wait, wait. This is crazy right now. Hold on. Honestly, using your hands is so much more effective than the sponge. That was fun. It's my first time trying clay. So, maybe I'll just make a couple more because I have some extra

trying clay. So, maybe I'll just make a couple more because I have some extra clay. And then I'll let it dry cuz apparently I'm supposed to let it dry

clay. And then I'll let it dry cuz apparently I'm supposed to let it dry for like 24 hours. Called cold. >> Oh, hi. Wow. Is it done? >> No, it's not done. >> Wow. Good job.

and kisses and how wonderously he made the world of love seem to me.

I am trying out stained glass, DIY stained glass. I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to try it. I am taping my designs. I originally thought I could

freehand it. Then I started to do a bit of research and I realized that I

freehand it. Then I started to do a bit of research and I realized that I shouldn't freehand it because it won't be a good idea. It would not be a wise

choice. Let's just say that. >> Okay. Wait, that's kind of cute. Look at

choice. Let's just say that. >> Okay. Wait, that's kind of cute. Look at

that. She's a little bumpy, a little messy, but that's okay. There's no way I could be a cake decorator. Like, there's literally no way. Tattoo artist or cake decorator. Forget about it.

decorator. Like, there's literally no way. Tattoo artist or cake decorator. Forget about it.

>> Mery.

Okay, so I just locked in for like I don't even know how long and I got the front done minus this. I haven't done the roof yet. It's a good DIY. It's a

good activity. Like to me a hobby is something that maybe ideally I could use to wind down. I don't know if this is necessarily a relaxing hobby. Like I

feel very goal oriented right now. like I'm like, "Oh, need to finish this."

Versus I feel like maybe what I'm looking for is just like a peaceful thing.

>> Do you have a steady hand? I got a hobby for you. Unfortunately,

that is not me. Like all my stuff's on a tripod. I'm scared to even touch it. But it's late and I'm tired.

What I'm going to do? I'm going to work until I'm hollow. Then I'm sleepy

afternoon. would you sign then pay talked to God and he said honestly you'll never get

afternoon. would you sign then pay talked to God and he said honestly you'll never get after a couple of days of trying out these hobby contenders I've been having

a good time but not sure if I found the one just yet but I've also been trying to catch up on other things in our late 20s there's this pressure of needing and also wanting to do everything to have a social life be a good friend a good

partner present for family to have hobbies, to work out, to have a routine, and also a good paying job, but still somehow follow your passions and figure out your career. And despite the tenacity or even compromising when we

don't want to, it's frustrating to repeatedly miss the mark.

Balance is a paradox. Why is it that the more we strive for it, the less it feels like peace and the more it feels like pressure? It feels like there's never enough time to do everything you need to do, let alone everything you want to do.

And I'm wondering if there's another way to go about it.

Eventually, unfinished things stop just being unfinished things. They turn into statements about who you think you are. Even now, somewhere in all of this, the

things meant to motivate me start to feel more like evidence that I'm falling behind.

I think the experts would say maybe we're getting balance all wrong. Maybe

it isn't about perfectly portioning out our lives. Maybe it's about letting the scales tip intentionally, letting ourselves be allin when it matters and all out when it doesn't.

I think being this close to the end of my 20s, mostly I just wanted to prove that I could follow through on a promise I made to myself. And I think making this list was a way for me to try and prove myself wrong, that I wasn't someone who didn't follow through.

But I proved myself right.

I'm really going to miss all potentiality.

Most of all the days we never got to live. They are so real to me.