The Postponed Self, Fear of Failure and Letting Life pass

A certain slant of light.

There's a certain slant of light.

Winter afternoons that oppresses like the heft of cathedral times

of cathedral tunes.

Heavenly hurt. It gives us we can find no scar but internal difference

where the meanings are.

None may teach it any.

It is the seal despair, an imperial affliction sent from the air.

When it comes, the landscape listens.

Shadows hold their breath.

when it goes like the distance on the look of death.

>> So today we're going to be talking about the postponed self. And if you've not heard that poem before, it is by the lovely Emily Dickinson who um is an

American female poet who who was born in 1830.

I think the reason I picked this poem and actually I found it in my lovely lovely copy, my Folio Society copy book.

The poem itself is called There's a Certain Slant of Light. And the reason this is relevant to the idea of a

postponed self, and to be clear, a postponed self is

when someone chooses not to um engage with life, when someone chooses to hold

back, withdraw from life because of fear. So they don't make choices,

fear. So they don't make choices, decisions, don't take responsibility for their lives, are too anxious to decide

anything, are too anxious to be involved in anything, to find anything deep or go deep with anything. That's kind of what

the postponed self I'm referring to is going to be we're going to be discussing today. And this can come in forms of

today. And this can come in forms of like someone choosing not to go fully into a relationship. um avoiding

avoiding it. Um it could be someone simply not posting an essay that they've written because of fear. Um so it can

come up in many many ways. Um and yes, so the reason I chose this poem, A slant of light, um by Emily Dickinson is because so firstly in the very first

sentence she says there's a certain slant of light and already we're being met with this kind of indirect and

angled light that is uncertain. And to

me, this is already picking up on the fact that we are dealing in this case with ambiguity. And all of life is

with ambiguity. And all of life is ambiguous.

We're going to go further today into the works of Simone Devoir. And I think Simone Devoir is most famously known for her book, The Second Saxs. But um the

book we're actually going to be discussing today is The Ambiguity of Ethics. um which I read recently. She

Ethics. um which I read recently. She

also had a relationship with Satra um who is a f famous um existential philosopher. Simone devoir had a lot of

philosopher. Simone devoir had a lot of similar ideas but was never really offered that same title. And in fact, when I found her book, it wasn't in the

philosophy section. It was actually put

philosophy section. It was actually put in the politics section, which is kind of interesting. I guess the second sex

of interesting. I guess the second sex maybe could be argued as more political, but um so anyway, back to Emily Dickinson. The poem itself is set in the

Dickinson. The poem itself is set in the winter, and it's important that it's set in winter because winter is the end of

the year. It's the end before the

the year. It's the end before the beginning of something because when there's an end, it means there's actually a new beginning arriving. So,

it's important that this poem is set in the winter in the context of what we're going to be discussing today, which is postponement. And to me, the whole poem

postponement. And to me, the whole poem really is diving into that feeling before you decide to make a decision.

It's about being afraid, but knowing there's actually so much option and choice out there and that life is

actually about continuously making decisions about continuous change and about about continuously showing up, continuously

choosing. And I love the last section

choosing. And I love the last section where she says, "When it comes, the landscape listens. Shadows hold their

landscape listens. Shadows hold their breath when it goes tears like the distance on the look of death.

And I think here she's saying that whilst we are making a decision, everything is silent. It's listening.

It's waiting to know what it is that you're going to decide. And in that moment of decision, there's a kind of shock because everything has changed.

And I think this is also I mean what the whole poem is kind of saying that and I've written here once you felt the slant of light you cannot return to not knowing and suddenly you are distant

from suddenly you are distant from an automatic life. So I highly recommend

automatic life. So I highly recommend checking out this collection of her work. Um I don't know what it's called

work. Um I don't know what it's called but it's on their on their website. Um

Emily Dickinson some lovely lovely poems in there by her. I really want to discuss this idea of ambiguity and the

tension involved in the contradictions of life um and why this keeps us sometimes in a state of fear and therefore postponement and what this

really means and there's a quote from the book the ethics of ambiguity that I've written here that is man must not attempt to dispel the ambiguity of his

being but on the contrary accept the task task of realizing it. And I think what this means is that by its very nature, life is ambiguous.

There isn't one easy option, one easy answer to anything. And trying to control this either leaves you in a state of um not being able to actually

make a decision. So like a decision fatigue almost keeps us postponed or it's just entirely impossible and we are met with disappointment and friction. Human life

is tension and what I mean by this is we as humans are both free in some sense but in other senses we are also constrained. So we are constrained

constrained. So we are constrained obviously by laws. We are constrained by obligations that we have, but we are

also free in the sense that we on the whole are able to make decisions about our lives. Um whether that's in a more

our lives. Um whether that's in a more macro way or more micro way. We are both um alone as animals. We we you know we

are individuals but our individual our individuality is actually connected and we are social creatures. And Simone

Debeoir goes on to say that each of us thinks that our lives are the most important. We kind of overestimate how

important. We kind of overestimate how important we are. Yet at the same time we might feel small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. And we're

kind of aware of both of these feelings happening at the same time. So again,

it's that kind of tension. We feel this ambiguity that there isn't kind of one easy set narrative. It's a kind of

contradiction. You can never you can

contradiction. You can never you can never feel fully secure and fully free at the same time. And the the key word there is fully because for example if

you were to enter a relationship there might be that security there but in some ways part of your freedom has been taken away in the sense that you are now um

relied upon by the other person. And I

don't mean this in a negative way. I

just mean like the nature of a relationship is that you are someone that that person can rely on to some degree. And the reason I bring this all

degree. And the reason I bring this all up is because if we are waiting for extreme clarity and extremely binary

answers, we will never get them and we will be waiting forever. Waiting for

clarity before any decision is basically a trap. And this is what Simone Devoir

a trap. And this is what Simone Devoir is talking about. And you can even see this in the title which is the ethics of ambiguity. And she kind of describes the

ambiguity. And she kind of describes the answer to obtaining the things we want is to continuously seek them out and to

involve ourselves in continuous action, continuous movement towards the things we want. It isn't um sort of done in one

we want. It isn't um sort of done in one big grand gesture and it isn't done in just one final kind of point. It's this

continuous um replenishing of what it is that you are saying you want. For

example, again um with friendship, it's not that you know you do one great thing for a friend and that means you're friends forever. No, it's something that

friends forever. No, it's something that you have to continuously work on and every day choose to be that person's friend in some way. Whether it's that

you know you don't have to do something um spectacular for them every day or anything like that but it's more that like there is like kind of a journey that you go on with friendships with

kind of any relationship with connection and in this sense refusing this idea refusing to accept this reality keeps us

stuck in a limbo where we do continuously postpone ourselves because we are trying to live in a reality that doesn't exist. And by that I mean a

doesn't exist. And by that I mean a reality that is very black and white, very binary. When in when the truth of

very binary. When in when the truth of the matter is life is ambiguous, it's full of contradiction and we can't try

and control that. We have to instead work alongside it and acknowledge it and keep moving with it. Any creation of any

kind is a form of choosing. Like I said um with the friendship like every day you are friends with someone you are choosing to continuously um keep that friendship up and there is

um a danger in slightly overrationalizing or trying to um make something very logical and broken down

in a very simplified way. So even what I'm trying to explain here is kind of sorry my hair's getting in my way. Even

what I'm trying to explain here is kind of even difficult to necessarily narrow down into very concrete words. So, I'm

going to use some um literature. Um that

poem for example by Emily Dickinson is a great um illustration what of what um making a decision in an ambiguous um

world feels like. Simone de Bevoir, sorry I've got my book down on my lap, so I'm looking down a lot. But um she says, "As long as there's been men and

they have lived, they have all felt the tragic ambiguity of their condition. But

as long as there have been philosophers and they have thought, most of them have tried to mask it." And I think here she's trying to say that like if we overthink too much, if we

overrationalize too much, we are actually masking a reality that sometimes doesn't actually respond well or is ineffective to um actually

engaging properly with life.

So if you're someone who has often struggled with making decisions, noticing this ambiguity might be a way to sort of start realizing you cannot control

um every aspect of life and in fact life is just a lot of contradictions that once one aspect is controlled quote unquote controlled another part will be

doing something completely opposite. And

the reason one might postpone uh such a thing as a creating a painting say or creating a piece of writing,

building something. The the reason we

building something. The the reason we might postpone it is because before something exists, it can be um in our

minds perfect. And there is this idea of

minds perfect. And there is this idea of infinite potential that isn't um bound by the laws of our world. And the moment something is actually created, that's

the moment that you know infinity almost becomes very specific, becomes real. And

once it's real, it can be judged. It can

be misunderstood. It can fail. Um, and I I would say fail in quotations again.

And it can also feel very vulnerable and revealing. But Simone Devoir talks about

revealing. But Simone Devoir talks about how only in action can meaning really happen because before something is made

it it doesn't really have a meaning. It

doesn't really have a place. You know if you just go on researching just go on talking about something the theory of

something before it actually even exists new new pathways will emerge new kind of territories will be explored but before you've even done it you cannot predict

all these things actually happening so the real meaning is in the happening and kind of going into the um what I was speaking about earlier that I think that

Simone Devoir aligns a lot with a lot of existential philosophy is because a lot of her work points to the fact that she

believes meaning is created from us creating the meaning. So action is very very key in her theories and what I mean

by this is that life only has meaning if we create the meaning. So for example um I don't know we choose to look after a plant and we water it every day and it

gives us life it gives us purpose um we've created that meaning that meaning for life existing and Simone devoir

would also argue that though life is ambiguous we must not confuse this with absurdity that life is not absurd because absurd would actually would

actually mean the complete opposite absurd Third would mean that life is in some ways meaningless. But ambiguous

actually means we create the meaning.

But you have to win this meaning through action over and over again. And this is kind of what I'm talking about when I talk about friendships, relationships.

It isn't just you do this one great thing for someone and that means forever you are friends. Um, what it means is that you continuously work on

relationships you have. You continuously

build something. You know, it's kind of also like saying you're a writer without actually doing the action of writing rather than just saying it. The actual

action is more inherently meaningful.

And in a sense, you don't even need to say you are a writer if you actually just do the action because meaning is

never final. And if meaning was final,

never final. And if meaning was final, then waiting would be perhaps more um reasonable to do. With all of this in mind, it also makes me realize that we

cannot conquer things. We simply

participate and live out live out through things, live out through action, through meaning. It's that constant like

through meaning. It's that constant like touching of the thing you are um drawn to that makes you connected to it. Um

and and a metaphor actually I've just thought of right now could be that like there is like an object and it's separate to you. But the more you kind of engage with it, the more it actually

enters your periphery and becomes like somewhat connected to you. But as soon as you sort of start to lose that connection, it no longer has any

involvement with you and cannot be um cannot represent you in any kind of way.

Participation is ongoing, it's adaptive, it's flexible, and it's very much in line with the reality of our existence

in that it's ambiguous, in that it's flowing, moving, and is not stagnant.

And postponing is actually the opposite.

postponement is stagnation. And if we lived in a very very certain world, we would also um there wouldn't be such

things as love, such things as beauty because beauty is transient. And love is not necessarily rational, logical, and

there's a certain tension to it. Um it

isn't something you can easily pin down.

And that's why, you know, you see so much discourse about what love is because love is not something that's so easy to um discuss. Love can be full of

contradictions. For example, as I said

contradictions. For example, as I said before, love is both freedom and security, which are kind of two opposite things. Also, with love, you know, if

things. Also, with love, you know, if you ask someone, why do you love me? It

can be a very very difficult thing to answer. Like try and actually think

answer. Like try and actually think about it. Why do you love someone?

about it. Why do you love someone?

Equally, if you ask that to someone else, what it what is it you'd actually want to hear from them? You wouldn't

want vapid things to be said. For

example, I love you because you are beautiful. You wouldn't you wouldn't

beautiful. You wouldn't you wouldn't even necessarily want it to be about the skills you have. You'd want it to be about something deeper, but it's very

hard to actually pin down. We might love someone for their flaws, but it isn't their flaws that make them what we love about them necessarily. It's it's very complicated, if you get what I mean.

It's very ambiguous. And love expands you, but it also makes you very dependent. Love is about um belonging,

dependent. Love is about um belonging, but it's also about the inevitability of loss because whether or not you um break up or end something with someone,

obviously the nature of life is that all life comes to an end. So there's always loss involved in love. You know that saying, it's better to have loved and

lost than never been loved at all or something like that. And importantly

with love, you can never actually possess anyone. You can't possess

possess anyone. You can't possess another person and you can never be fully unified. They are still separate

fully unified. They are still separate to you. So, it's still this more of this

to you. So, it's still this more of this kind of interaction you're having with them, this ongoing um relationship, ongoing thing. You can't conquer the

ongoing thing. You can't conquer the other person. Um, doing that kind of

other person. Um, doing that kind of thing quickly turns into more of, you know, abuse in some circumstances. But I

think it's also very important to talk about that postponement is perhaps a fear of responsibility. Responsibility

for your actions whether the outcome is the desirable outcome or not. It's the

fear that the outcome you are somehow then tied to. So you can think of this like someone who doesn't want to commit in a relationship. You could think of

this as someone who doesn't want to take the leap of faith with a type of career that's a bit more risky, for example, because they have to then take the

responsibility of either that person's feelings or of their um decision that isn't perhaps always easy. So making

decisions is about responsibility and therefore should not be confused with acting without any thinking. It's just I'm

specifically kind of saying and what Simone devoir is saying is that we shouldn't confuse endless deliberation with wisdom. But at the same time,

with wisdom. But at the same time, impulsivity also is um irresponsible because you're not when you're impulsive, you're not necessarily

agreeing to owning the responsibility of something. But real freedom is saying,

something. But real freedom is saying, um, I know the consequences of my actions and I'm willing to go with it anyway. That really is agency. and

anyway. That really is agency. and

postponement and even um and even impulsivity are a lack of agency because both don't really involve fully

accepting and understanding a decision and owning the responsibility. And

without agency, we don't grow. It's

someone else's fault. It's bad luck.

It's circumstances or it's just bad timing. But responsibility is how

timing. But responsibility is how experience becomes wisdom. without it,

life is just kind of happening to you.

And this can lead to a lot of, you know, people pleasing and trying to um seek validation or constantly waiting for the

correct timing. And that correct timing

correct timing. And that correct timing never really truly happens in a very toxic way. When we don't feel like we

toxic way. When we don't feel like we have agency, we might blame others. We

might blame parents, partners, systems, societies, past relationships. Sorry.

Also, Simone Devoir is not trying to say here that sometimes these outsider people or um as I've said systems are

not harmful. Sometimes yes, they they

not harmful. Sometimes yes, they they can be harmful. But as I've written here, Bevoir is saying if you only locate power outside of yourself, you

lose your capacity to act. And she also never argued that everyone has equal freedom but we all have some interior agency even even if it's very limited.

This can apply even to really extreme examples but even in less extreme examples if we don't accept responsibility which also means you know

having the ability to apologize when we do something wrong and take responsibility.

When we don't have this kind of agency, our rage turns into it turns outward to others i.e. blaming or it turns inward

others i.e. blaming or it turns inward and becomes harmful to the self. This is

why forgiveness is actually very very important for the self because it allows you to move on. It isn't for the other people. And I think I saw I think it's a

people. And I think I saw I think it's a saying in Buddhism uh holding on to kind of rage is could could almost be seen as um metaphorically like holding onto a

hot rod or a hot coal because you're the one who's actually holding the thing. It

isn't necessarily damaging the other person, though it might be, but it's actually definitely damaging you. And in

a really sad way, when we have a lack of agency and postpone ourselves, we can also become somewhat um resentful of those who are able to make decisions who

seem to be living life because they kind of hold a mirror up to ourselves and we are able to see the unclaimed life that we are not holding. I've spoken a lot

about the word responsibility and I think often actually the word responsibility can be viewed as kind of a negative word but actually if we are

to tie responsibility to agency then actually we can kind of re-establish what this word means to us because responsibility is about moving with the

world. It isn't about um what I would uh

world. It isn't about um what I would uh before actually kind of exploring this think of responsibility as more of a punishment or more of discipline. It's

just that refusal to abandon your internal life. And it's ultimately the

internal life. And it's ultimately the opposite to avoidance. And recently I read the book The Death of Ivan Ilvich

um which is a short book by Leo Toltoy written in 1886. It tells the story of a man who has lived a seemingly um perfect

life. He's lived completely by the book.

life. He's lived completely by the book.

He's done everything he thinks he was obliged to do. And there's a key word there, obliged. And as he's looking at

there, obliged. And as he's looking at his life, he realizes his connections with his family aren't really very great. Like, he married someone who

great. Like, he married someone who doesn't really like him. I don't think he really likes her. He doesn't have a great relationship with his children.

And it's because he has tried to control life when life is firstly you cannot dominate it. You cannot control it. And

dominate it. You cannot control it. And

ultimately his life has been somewhat inauthentic. It's always been about

inauthentic. It's always been about outsider appearances. It's it's never

outsider appearances. It's it's never been about kind of empathy, compassion, and anything deep. It's always been the

quote unquote right decision to make, the kind of easy path to take. And it's

not necessarily that postponing yourself is about taking easy paths and then not postponing yourself is about taking more difficult paths because that's not what it is. It's more like understanding and

it is. It's more like understanding and knowing yourself on a deeper level and this just takes a bit more work to do.

He has basically chosen to avoid choosing deeply. He's tried to outsource

choosing deeply. He's tried to outsource his freedom and not um extract it internally. He never loved deeply. He

internally. He never loved deeply. He

never risked intimacy. He never really questioned his path until he's on his deathbed. And so this is when his

deathbed. And so this is when his suffering becomes really existential. He

tried to remove ambiguity from his life.

But as Devoir has said, meaning has to be constantly one. And

I've written here actually his life was dictated by avoiding struggle. So his

life then becomes a finished rationalization of existence. But as

I've said many times on this channel, there are no end results. There is no finalized outcome. There's only a

finalized outcome. There's only a continuous living participation questioning. That's really how life

questioning. That's really how life works. And again, it's another um

works. And again, it's another um idea in Buddhism as well that life is constantly in flux. Life is constantly

changing and moving and friction is involved. And Ivan Ilovich has basically

involved. And Ivan Ilovich has basically mistaken um success and kind of arbitrary success with meaning with

happiness and he's ultimately just protected his potential rather than actually living it out. The final source I kind of wanted to bring up today is

the artist Lu Lee Ufan who is a South Korean artist. He is part of the Monohar

Korean artist. He is part of the Monohar movement. And the Monohar movement was a

movement. And the Monohar movement was a movement in Korea and um I think there was also a version of it in Japan too that use materials as they are to make

us aware of presence without necessarily trying to extract meaning from it. It's

an acceptance of the true exterior that we um experience. his work really exists in the encounter. So even just like looking at pictures of it when I show

you on screen here or if you look it up yourself, you can never really you're experiencing it in a different way. You

aren't really experiencing the actual the actual thing because you need to be right there in the room with it. And his

work is about a collaboration of the very existence of things as they are. So

he uses a lot of um like stones in his work and places them in certain ways that he wants us to experience the

relationship between objects and things as they naturally are rather than trying to embellish them in any kind of way.

And there's this real realization if you ever encounter his work that he is not trying to he is not trying to conquer reality. A stone remains a stone. And in

reality. A stone remains a stone. And in

the very opposite way, how postponement is often about a conquering and a conquering of the future, Lee Ufan's work is about a presence with

the now. There is no spectacle to his

the now. There is no spectacle to his work, there's no over production. And

I'm sure that a lot of people when they view go to view his work if they've never heard of him before might be a little bit confused because I think we

also equate a lot of art with um having a lot of physical skill. Um but a lot of art is actually about philosophy

thinking experience. Um and Lou ufan is

thinking experience. Um and Lou ufan is a really really great place to start if you're interested in any of that kind of work. And I think I'm going to put up on

work. And I think I'm going to put up on screen here this piece of work called Relatum Stage um made in 2018 with um a

rock and um a piece of metal that uh reflects it. And these kind of materials

reflects it. And these kind of materials placed together create and form a type of relationship, a type of connection

that when you're sitting with these um items, you aren't really meant to ask like what does this make me feel like who am I to this? You're really just

meant to sit there and experience the interaction of the world. It's very

meditative. I've written here actually that it's um very honest. There is

nothing to resolve or prove. And in the very opposite way, postponement is the need to rationalize life. And in the sense, you aren't meant to project your

feelings or anything about yourself necessarily onto these pieces of work.

And projection as a whole is often about saying, "What does this mean about me?"

Whereas presence is about listening and understanding and saying what is it that's here? And to bring this back to

that's here? And to bring this back to like a more kind of practical um envisionment of what I'm talking about, someone who will project is often acting

in a self-absorbed way. It's a sort of ego reflex where everything is about them. And I've spoken about the passage

them. And I've spoken about the passage from the sovereignty of good in Iris Murdoch's work um where she speaks about the kestrel and how in the same way

Luan's work here is about noticing something outside of your body and it's not always about just you. What does

this mean about me? In fact, a whole world is going on outside of you. And

often people who say what does this mean about me? are people who are much more

about me? are people who are much more likely to get offended and much less likely to be empathetic and really truly understand and listen. There's a lack of

curiosity and more assumptions than actual understanding. Presence is about

actual understanding. Presence is about what exists outside of my own personal narrative and the constant need to kind of colonize experiences with your interpretation. And again, I think this

interpretation. And again, I think this goes back to like what postponement is often about is um a need for control rather than responsibility. And this

control is disguised as agency, but in fact it is not agency. You're actually

being more controlled by fear and relaying that out to the world. And in

this there is a blocking of human connection or connection with the outer world. And in a more kind of tangible

world. And in a more kind of tangible way, this turns relationships into more of a performance. So a relationship that's more vapid and less actually

connected and actually understanding. So

I just want to be clear here that I I I think I'm saying that projection is about avoiding life because you're not actually truly interacting with its deepness. You're not really taking it

deepness. You're not really taking it for what it actually is saying. you're

projecting your version of reality onto it without an awareness of this. And

then I've also written on Lee Ufan here that he is not saying erase the self.

He's saying be open, honest, and receptive. Don't let the self dominate

receptive. Don't let the self dominate and block your encounters. Let a

relationship with the world form.

Postponement is about how we meet the world. And I think that's like kind of

world. And I think that's like kind of the whole um purpose of what I'm discussing here. So I'm going to end on

discussing here. So I'm going to end on some practical tips that I all of these things were making me think about. And

um so I've written them here. One is to stop waiting for certainty before you begin. As I've said, certainty doesn't

begin. As I've said, certainty doesn't really exist. Life is by its very nature

really exist. Life is by its very nature ambiguous and contradictory. Uh number

two I've written notice when you're hovering rather than living and this can take form. This is kind of like

take form. This is kind of like procrastination or this could also be you know doom scrolling or endlessly planning or researching but never

actually engaging with a thing. Um they

think think of this like um a plane that's going to land but it doesn't actually do the landing. It just keeps going around and around in a circle and that's not what landing is. By that

point, the plane is just flying. It's

not actually doing what it's intending to do. Another thing actually I was

to do. Another thing actually I was thinking about when we lack agency, we can be somewhat jealous of others that have it or we postpone ourselves and

feel a sense of jealousy towards others.

We could actually use this as jealousy as data to know and try and understand what it is that we are jealous of. Um,

and that could be we are jealous of their freedom, of their curiosity.

Um, or it could be a more it could be a more exact thing that we're jealous of like a career like I would love to have that career. And this can actually be a

that career. And this can actually be a data point that can help us try and seek it out what we actually would like to engage with in our lives. And other

things I've got are oh create bad work, have imperfect conversations, listen and wait before quickly responding. And I

think that's really important and something I'm quite a talkative person when I'm with like close friends.

Not like not if I am in a group of people I don't really know, but um if I really know my friends very well, you know, sometimes we're both sort of talking at each other. And obviously

this isn't done maliciously, but I would like to try and uh take a little moment to respond and have a more thoughtful response. Let things be imperfect. Take

response. Let things be imperfect. Take

responsibility without blaming yourself.

It's within my power. So yeah, say that it's within my power.

What is within my power? And not say that everything is my fault. So, you

know, when a situation doesn't go the way you'd hoped it did, take responsibility for it in the sense that you're saying, "I have agency here. What

is the next move I can make?" Rather

than say, "Oh, it's all my fault." And

sort of self-pity, but don't move forward. Just stay stagnated, postponed.

forward. Just stay stagnated, postponed.

And my last point here, I've got allow awareness to change you. And actually,

you know, even writing these essays, even speaking here, putting myself out here, I allow this kind of new project that I'm embarking on to change me, to,

you know, I learn something from it and I try and take that with me, whether it's just learning from the comments uh or interactions I have with others or whether it's learning from the actual

material I'm um engaging with. Um, I

always try to learn something and allow it to change me, not to push back too much. Um, so yeah, I hope that this has

much. Um, so yeah, I hope that this has been somewhat helpful. I know this was I feel like this was quite a heavy episode. These are really interesting

episode. These are really interesting points to me and I would love to hear your point of view on these things.

Please write a comment below and as always, you can find me on Spotify as well and I'll have all the links below in my description. And hopefully I will see you again next