The Strange Reason Kids Are Failing to Grow up Bilingual

The strange reason kids in the West fail to grow up bilingual. If you come from a family of immigrants like me, but you grew up in the West, there's a 90% chance your heritage, language, and culture is going to die at you. Our

child or my child in this case, unless you do the one thing I'm going to teach you in this video, because there is a statistic [music] called the fisherman's three generation shift. And it is so consistent that at this point it's basically like a law of physics.

Generation one, you know, your parents, you know, the first people that immigrated, right, speak the language.

Generation 2, which is, you know, for most of us our generation. We are the first ones to grow up in North America.

We understand the language. And by the time we reach generation three, our future kids gone, extinct. By the time it reaches them, the language is more or less gone. But the confusing part here

less gone. But the confusing part here isn't your kid. It's actually us.

Generation 2. Because theoretically for me, I should have been like a linguistic super soldier. I mean, I spent 18 years,

super soldier. I mean, I spent 18 years, 20,000 hours at home with parents who spoke Cantonese. Yet, let's be real. I

spoke Cantonese. Yet, let's be real. I

mean, growing up, I couldn't comfortably express anything beyond I'm hungry in Chinese. In fact, most Chinese Americans

Chinese. In fact, most Chinese Americans can only have surface level conversations with their family. In

fact, I remember having a dumbed down conversation with my parents because I didn't have the ability to express myself in my language. So, if I had fluent parents and I still failed to grow up truly bilingual, what are the odds my future child is going to get the

language at all? I'm Sheldon and after helping over 600 Cantonese Americans learn to improve their Cantonese and speak Mandarin, my team and I have figured out the strange reason why kids in the West fail to grow up truly

bilingual. And in this video, I'm

bilingual. And in this video, I'm actually going to cover how to actually fight it so the language and culture doesn't have to die at us at Gen 2. But

before we learn how to fight it, we got to learn why it happens in the first place. Cuz here's the reason why. See,

place. Cuz here's the reason why. See,

your brain is lazy. Our brains consume 20% of our energy while only being 2% of your weight. So its number one goal is

your weight. So its number one goal is to less work. Isn't it all? Isn't it the same for all of us? And so when you were a kid, your brain found a loophole at the dinner table that made sure you would never be able to pass on the language. It's called receptive

language. It's called receptive bilingualism. Basically, your brain

bilingualism. Basically, your brain realized that while it needed to run the, you know, expensive Chinese decoding software to or whatever your language is to understand our parents,

it didn't actually need to run the more expensive Chinese generation software to get what it needed. And so what does that mean? Well, how many ABCs respond

that mean? Well, how many ABCs respond to their parents in English? I pretty

much did all my childhood. My mom would say, "Come eat." And instead of building like

"Come eat." And instead of building like a complex Chinese sentence, which requires like, you know, actual skill, I would just yell back, "Hey, okay, come in." And here is the fatal moment for

in." And here is the fatal moment for me. My mom accepted it, gave me the

me. My mom accepted it, gave me the rice, he gave me the food, and in that split second, right, my brain made a calculation. Why spend all this neural

calculation. Why spend all this neural energy speaking Chinese, learning Chinese, when an English board gets me the same food? And as a result, a generation of kids was born. Basically your brain said

dump whatever we don't need so we can double down on what we do because this is called selective pruning in your brain because you stopped using the speaking circuits of Chinese survive your brain literally said all right cool we don't need it save energy that's why

most you know like Asian-Americans like me could understand our parents kind of but we struggle to express anything beyond kind of like basic command so when our parents actually see this you know pruning our brain dumping the Chinese at home they panic and they try

to patch this by outsourcing to you know Saturday Chinese school any immigrant kid whether it's you know Chinese you know Hindi whatever it is we all for Saturday school, right? For a Chinese school, the failure rate of Chinese school is like 99%. Okay, why is [music]

that the case? Is it because the teachers are bad? The teaching method is bad for sure. Like I mean like over 90% means like something's not [music] working. And I go deeper into why

working. And I go deeper into why traditional methods fail in another video. But the deeper reason beyond the

video. But the deeper reason beyond the method itself is because of a psychological phenomenon called context dependent [music] memory. Best way to understand it, I mean, uh, who remembers

anything from grade 5 science? Better

question, how much do you remember from university? I graduated with a 3.7

university? I graduated with a 3.7 [music] GPA in engineering. But if you ask me anything now about engineering, I don't know why. Because I learned that stuff to pass a test. And once test was over, literally my brain realized, okay,

I don't need this anymore. And it just said delete. See, our brain sorts

said delete. See, our brain sorts information based on where and why it is used. It creates kind of like, if you

used. It creates kind of like, if you think about it, two separate [music] folders, right? Folder A is real life,

folders, right? Folder A is real life, you know, money, friends, survival, right? And folder B is like the

right? And folder B is like the classroom, right? Very simplified, but

classroom, right? Very simplified, but you know, boredom, drills, exams. And so when our parents sent us to Saturday Chinese school, they forced our brain to file Chinese into folder B, turning language, which is a tool for

connection, into a subject, data for a test. And so we memorize, I mean, I

test. And so we memorize, I mean, I don't know about you, but like we have to memorize random poems. We learn to write these random characters. But when

it came to speaking to our parents about our goals and ambitions, you can see this poem over here where I'm reciting stuff from Chinese school. Like this is what am I ever going to say anything I said here? And so growing up, Chinese

said here? And so growing up, Chinese wasn't a language. It was just a very annoying subject we'd study on Saturdays that had zero impact on whether we eat, play, or survive. And so the consequence, well, this created what's

called a domain disconnect. And this led to the tragedy of the Gen 2 parent. You

know, basically people like me who are going to have kids one day, right? And

the tragedy is like we don't realize how much of a difference Chinese or our language is going to make in our lives until our brain has already dumped away everything, right? Because I remember my

everything, right? Because I remember my parents gave up on me learning Chinese when I was just grade three, right?

because my grandma came over, she said he's never going to learn it. And I also complained saying like, "Why am I learning this? I'm never going to use

learning this? I'm never going to use it." You know, I'm in Canada, you know,

it." You know, I'm in Canada, you know, I we speak English, that's all I need.

But then when my grandpa went to the hospital and I couldn't speak to him.

When my grandma, same thing. And I

thought, "Crap, that was young me." But

then old me, when my grandpa went to the hospital and I couldn't speak to him, you know, and I thought, "Wow, he's going to pass away before I even get to know him. Should have learned this,

know him. Should have learned this, right?" When my girlfriend's parents

right?" When my girlfriend's parents shamed me for not speaking Mandarin, even though I am Chinese myself, and I thought, "Wow, you know, should have learned this." And so getting more

learned this." And so getting more opportunities, having a real connection with our families, you know, not just, you know, surface level conversations, being able to pass on the language and culture to the next generation, you know, not having to feel, you know, left

out when the conversations switch to Chinese, you know, feeling confident about your identity. You know, what kind of child cares about that? What kind of kid cares about that? I don't even know what that means. And that's the biggest thing that holds children back. See,

everything is dumped away early when the language is actually useless to us. But

me as a kid, you know, we don't have the foresight to see that. And so

unfortunately I became the way I was where you know unfortunately um two [music] of my grandparents passed away and I barely got to know them beforehand because the language, right? And so if this prevented us from learning the language fluently, what are the odds our

kids who now have parents who can't really speak it that well are going to fair any better? Something that bothered me every single day cuz I'm like I want to make sure my kids can talk to my parents, right? Their grandparent. It's

parents, right? Their grandparent. It's

like just imagine they see me, you know, the alpha, the dad, the provider, right?

Operating 100% in English. if they see that their parents didn't even learn Chinese, you know, what are the odds they're going to put any effort into it, right? It's going to be the classic, you

right? It's going to be the classic, you know, like why should I have to learn it if you [music] can't even speak it? And

to be fair, right? And so that's why this Gen 2 group, right, this first group of people who grew up in North America generally can't speak their native language because when we were children, it truly wasn't in a state where [music] it was useful, you know,

except for the ones who grew up in homes where their parents forbade them from speaking English. Generally, most

speaking English. Generally, most diaspora or like heritage speakers [music] can't really speak the language.

Now, before I get into like what my team found out on how to actually fight it, I want to actually say this. Like your

kids saying, you know, why you just have to learn if you can't? I mean, they're not wrong, right? And I mean it because you don't need the language. And what I mean by that is, I mean, we're fine, right? A lot of kids today grow up

right? A lot of kids today grow up completely whitewashed, right? No

attachment to the culture, can't speak to their grandparents, and let's be real, I mean, they can have a career, they can make friends. Look at adopted Asian kids. I mean, they survive. Like,

Asian kids. I mean, they survive. Like,

they're going to survive fine. So if I couldn't speak it well, you know, if I gave up, who was I to say, you know, I want my kid to learn the language, you know, to force my future kids to learn like it's it's hypocritical. So you

know, I'm not here to say having whitewashed kids is a problem, right? To

each his own, you know, but to some parents, you know, to to me in the future when I become one. It is

important. One of our students actually told me like having children is the greatest thing because it makes you realize all the deficits that you have in yourself and it makes you actually work on them because you know that your

kid is either going to look at you as their role model or as the person who they don't want to be like and so you know for me I do want to become that role model right and that's kind of what motivated me to learn the language and so now for those who want to make sure

their kids [music] don't feel that same feeling of being you know locked out from their culture from connecting with their family right let's now look at how we can actually fight this like language decline cuz my team cracked it. It's

harder than you think to be honest. See,

my girlfriend for example, her family's from Taiwan and her niece doesn't speak Mandarin at all. Her dad actually lived in Taiwan until high school. So, he's

fluent in Mandarin, but he speaks English to his wife. So, as a result, I mean, the kid can't speak any Mandarin.

And my girlfriend's mom, who only speaks Mandarin, basically can't communicate with her granddaughter. And so, we see here, even though the dad is 100% fluent in Mandarin, it's still a challenge. And

so, my team and I speak to a lot of parents. So, first let's look at some of

parents. So, first let's look at some of the options that we've seen some of these parents, you know, often try.

Okay, starting with Saturday school or like the basic tutoring thing. Okay,

this one um normally doesn't really work. Okay, it's just repeating the same

work. Okay, it's just repeating the same mistakes, you know, that my parents made to be honest. I know how Saturday school is for me. You attend for a few years, you know, you realize it's useless. In

fact, it's even more useless to, you know, our future kids than it was to me growing up because my future kids, their parents, which is me, speak fluent English, right? [music] And so, it's

English, right? [music] And so, it's guaranteed to be dumped in a couple years. Next thing we see them do, number

years. Next thing we see them do, number two, sending them to live with their grandparents. See, this works to an

grandparents. See, this works to an extent, but it's a watered down version of kind of what we had growing up. It's

like in this case, our parents or, you know, their grandparents, you know, they allowed English growing up for us, right? And so, they're likely going to

right? And so, they're likely going to allow the kids to speak English, too, right? Basically, it's going to be the

right? Basically, it's going to be the same as how we were raised, right?

Another kid, but with even lower level, because obviously, I mean, like the parents themselves speak English, right?

This is literally like more or less my girlfriend's niece right now. The

language is in her mind useless, but mainly for her mom, right, her girlfriend's mom, because we're at the dinner and like she's literally locked out of conversations that the niece is involved in. It's like everyone talks to

involved in. It's like everyone talks to the niece cuz obviously the niece and then the mom's just sitting there on the side like, "Okay, like Chinese."

>> Yeah. Next, we have, and this is where it starts to get, you know, the things that actually do kind [music] of work, right? Emerging schools. Okay, this

right? Emerging schools. Okay, this

seems like the holy grail. Okay, what is an immersion school? It's basically a school where all the instruction is in the target lang, right? So, I want to drop a caveat here because I was actually in French immersion growing up.

Growing up, I was actually in the top 10% of my class in French at my high school, which is also consistently ranked as the top high school in, you know, my province or state, whatever you want to call it. Okay? And I say this not to brag, but to say that even though

I had math, history, every single subject in school in French since I was a child, I still don't speak French that well. I went to Paris in July and I

well. I went to Paris in July and I could survive, right? But no way could I thrive, right? It's kind of like the

thrive, right? It's kind of like the equivalent of like ABC level of Chinese in my opinion. So why is that? Well,

it's kind of the same thing, right?

selective pruning because outside of school, did I ever use French? Never.

Okay, for you Americans, like French in Canada is not like Spanish in America, right? Spanish in America is actually

right? Spanish in America is actually pretty useful in LA. French in Canada is like I lived in Montreal for a bit, I spoke French and then because they hear I have like a more English accent, they respond to me in English. I've genuinely

never used French in my life. Like even

when I was in Paris, like they hear me speak French like, "Oh, okay.

They talk to me in English." Honestly,

maybe like five conversations maybe, you know? Like French to me is like a cool

know? Like French to me is like a cool party trick. It's like, "Oh, I speak

party trick. It's like, "Oh, I speak French. Oh, wow. That's it." it it never

French. Oh, wow. That's it." it it never got used. In fact, once we got to grade

got used. In fact, once we got to grade five or so, everyone spoke English when the teacher wasn't looking. So, more

hours in school doesn't necessarily equal to fluency, right? If the

environment doesn't demand it, the brain deletes it, right? Plus, not every single area, you know, has Chinese immersion. And typically, it's also just

immersion. And typically, it's also just Mandarin. So, like Cantonese isn't

Mandarin. So, like Cantonese isn't there, right? Um or some languages

there, right? Um or some languages aren't there, right? Like not not everyone has immersion and normally it's a very select few of languages. Maybe

Spanish, French, uh Mandarin, that's about it, right? So, while this option is, I think to be probably one of the best options for parents in North America, it's not totally accessible for everyone. Okay, next one. This one's the

everyone. Okay, next one. This one's the big one. Move to Asia. Okay, this works.

big one. Move to Asia. Okay, this works.

Let's be real. We can't all just pick up our bags and move to Asia, right? So, if

school fails, grandparents fail, and immersion is hit or miss. What's left,

right? Well, what's the pattern between all these? The pattern is that to the

all these? The pattern is that to the kids, the language is still useless. And

so, the goal is to eliminate selective pruning. To do that, the brain needs to

pruning. To do that, the brain needs to believe that Chinese is essential for survival and social dominance. And who

defines survival and social dominance for a child? We do, right? Parents, one

of our students, well, I'm not a parent yet, by the way. I'm but I'm going to be soon. So, I'm very like into this stuff

soon. So, I'm very like into this stuff cuz I want to make sure I set my kid up for success. [music] I don't know. When

for success. [music] I don't know. When

you get like 30, oh my god, when you get to your 30s, it's like everyone's just like, "Okay, kid kid. Oh my god, I'm 30.

Holy crap." Anyway, one of our students who is actually successfully raising multilingual kids herself, she told me that now that her Chinese has gotten so much better, she actually has a protocol in her home. And this has made all the

difference. One parent, one language, no

difference. One parent, one language, no English. She speaks to the child only in

English. She speaks to the child only in Cantonese and in Mandarin. [music] And

she knows that English is going to take care of itself, right? And guess what?

The child can speak English, Cantonese, and Mandarin. It's crazy, but very

and Mandarin. It's crazy, but very doable. And so that is the protocol that

doable. And so that is the protocol that I'm going to have when I raise my kids, right? One parent, one language, right?

right? One parent, one language, right?

My partner speaks Mandarin. I speak

Cantonese. I speak both, but I'm willing to speak to something in Cantonese. No

English. It's funny because she actually said it was like a couple years where she was like, "Is this working?" Like,

"I have no idea." And then just like one day just all came out and then I was like, "Oh, thank God it worked cuz Yeah, but like she said, "Oh, it works." So

now what does this mean, right? Well, it

means that if I want that protocol, well then the parent has got to learn, right?

And I know that sounds heavy like I have to learn so that they can learn. And the

thing I realized is yes, because again, like our student said, right? Having a

child makes you realize your own deficits. [music] And nobody likes to

deficits. [music] And nobody likes to take orders from someone who can't do that thing themselves, right? And so if it's important to me that generation 3 can carry on the language and culture, they can talk to my parents, then it's

imperative that I, generation 2, have the skills to pass it on, right? And

that's why it was so important for me to get better at the language, right? I

didn't want to be a hypocrite. That was

actually one of my big drivers. Now,

does this mean, you know, as a parent, we have to become their teacher, you know, with grammar and like all that stuff? Absolutely not. But that student,

stuff? Absolutely not. But that student, right, like the student who has the kids, you know, the parent is not the teacher for [music] the kids, right?

That student is still learning in school, right? The kids still need

school, right? The kids still need school. They still need the input. But

school. They still need the input. But

here's the difference. See, school

provides the lessons and the vocabulary, but the parent provides the necessity without the parent speaking it at home and requiring the child to speak it in return. Saturday school is just

return. Saturday school is just memorizing random sounds for a test or exam. But if the parents speak it to

exam. But if the parents speak it to them, suddenly the words they actually learn in class aren't just for test, right? They become the specific tools

right? They become the specific tools they need to ask for money, right? To

ask for permission, right? To ask for food, right? It becomes the language of

food, right? It becomes the language of connection. And on top of that, cuz I

connection. And on top of that, cuz I know some of you thinking like, hey, you know, what if I'm trying to learn it, right? How to do that. What do you think

right? How to do that. What do you think is going to happen when the kid sees the parent who's like their role model putting effort toward themselves, what does that tell them? That this skill is freaking important. It tells their

freaking important. It tells their brain, hey, don't erase this skill. It's

so important that the adult is learning it, too, right? It shows them that this skill is worth fighting for. And so

early on, the Gen [music] 2 parent, you know, us, right? We're the example, right? We take the language out of

right? We take the language out of folder B, you know, the classroom environment and force it into folder A, which is for survival. And that's how you trick the brain into keeping the language alive. Because otherwise, it's

language alive. Because otherwise, it's going to end up the same way it was for, you know, a lot of people, right? Where

it just kind of dies. Cuz at the end of the day, like I know when my kid's born, they're going to say, "Yeah, you know, when I get older, I want to be just like mom and dad." But like, let's all kids could say that, right? But as they get older, they're going to really find out if they actually mean that, right? as

they get older, my future kid is going to say one of two things, and they're [music] going to mean it. They're either

going to say, you know, I don't want to be anything like my parents. You know, I don't look up to them. Or they're going to say, you know, I look up to my mom and dad. I look at them as role models

and dad. I look at them as role models and I want to be I want to take from them. And for me, I do want my [music]

them. And for me, I do want my [music] kids to look at me as a role model because I look at my parents as a role model. And so, you know, that means a

model. And so, you know, that means a lot to me. And so, that's kind of what drives me every single day. So, hope you enjoyed that video. Click here if you're a Cantonese speaker who wants to learn Mandarin. And click here for a video

Mandarin. And click here for a video that YouTube thinks you love. Until next

time,