Theology of Singleness – Timothy Keller [Talk]

I I have the least appetizing title.

I want to talk to you about a theology of singleness. You say, "Theology of

of singleness. You say, "Theology of singleness?" It

singleness?" It sounds sort of like I don't know.

Uh I don't know. It sounds like a Popular Mechanics.

How do you build a single?

Uh But no, I would I'd like to share with you what a the basic theological principle in the New Testament about singleness. There's a There is a

singleness. There's a There is a Christian theology, a biblical theology of being a single adult, which means to be an adult without a spouse or children of your own.

Uh you're single.

Uh there's a theology.

I'd like to talk to you about first of that, then secondly, the uniqueness of this theology when you look at all the other religions and cultures of the world. Number three, I'd like to say uh

world. Number three, I'd like to say uh what does that mean then when Paul says, "Singleness is a gift?"

And then lastly, I'd like to just draw out some practical implications. So, the

theology of singleness, the uniqueness of theology of singleness, what does it mean to say singleness is a gift, and then lastly, just some uh practical implications. So,

practical implications. So, uh I I don't think there's a better place to go for the New Testament theology of singleness than 1 Corinthians 7. And

when I read you these two verses, you'll see right away why uh uh these are enigmatic verses to the average reader. He says, Paul says, "Are

average reader. He says, Paul says, "Are you Are you unmarried?

Do not look for a wife.

Uh but if you marry, you have not sinned.

And if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face

sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. What I mean is that the time is short.

Now, it sure seems enigmatic when you read that. Um

read that. Um It sure seems like Paul's had a bad day.

Because in Ephesians 5, he has this exalted view of marriage where he talks about marriage as a is a symbol and a sign of the the the union of Christ and

his people.

It's this high exalted view of marriage, and here he says, "Are you unmarried? Don't look for a wife."

wife." I mean, it you know, he didn't say that's okay. You can live with that.

that's okay. You can live with that.

It's a form of suffering that if you, you know, I'll I'll use it for a while to make you a better person, but then of course, you need to get on with your life. He doesn't say that. He says, "Are

life. He doesn't say that. He says, "Are you unmarried? Don't look for a wife. If

you unmarried? Don't look for a wife. If

you do marry, you haven't sinned."

But, those who will who marry will face many troubles in this life. I want to spare you. What I mean is the time is

spare you. What I mean is the time is short. First of all, it looks like he

short. First of all, it looks like he he seems to have fallen off from the exalted view of marriage he has in Ephesians. And then it seems like he's

Ephesians. And then it seems like he's basing it on the idea that Jesus is coming back anytime because it says the time is short. And of course, Jesus didn't come back with, you know, right

away. And so, maybe that was a mistake.

away. And so, maybe that was a mistake.

Now, here's the right answer.

When he says the time is short, he doesn't just mean Jesus is coming back any day.

Cuz he goes on immediately and says this. And he and he applies this

this. And he and he applies this principle to all of life including eventually singleness and marriage. He

says, "From now on, those who have wives should live as though they had none.

Those who mourn as if they did not.

Those who are happy as if they were not.

Those who buy as if it was not theirs to possess.

Those who use the things of the world as if not engrossed in them for this world and its present form is passing away.

Now, what we have here is actually what a lot of theologians would call a a sophisticated kingdom theology.

What Paul taught and actually what Jesus taught and and what the Bible teaches is that though many people thought that when the Messiah showed up that he would bring in the kingdom of

God. And in other words, you have the

God. And in other words, you have the old age in which there's suffering and there's death and there's brokenness and there's pain and and then the Messiah comes it was thought and he would bring in

the kingdom, the new world. And in the new world there would be no sighing, no suffering, no death, everything would be perfect.

Instead, what happens is the Messiah doesn't come back once.

It's like the old world then Messiah and then the new world, he comes back twice.

The first time in weakness, the second time in power.

The first time to begin the kingdom, but then the second time to bring it in fullness. And what that means is right

fullness. And what that means is right now we live in what's called the overlap of the ages. The old world is still going on, the new world has actually begun, the spirit of God is in the world

to renew people's lives in many ways, but the fact is it's still a place in which we still have the suffering and the brokenness and all that. And so we live between the times, between the first and the second coming of the Messiah.

And what Christians are supposed to do in that time, Paul actually lays out in the most practical terms. What this means is we do marry.

We do buy and sell. We do have jobs. We

do grieve and mourn. We do rejoice.

But we always do it right now in light of the future.

And see, in light of the future, God is going to give you the ultimate wealth. So, right now, whether you have

wealth. So, right now, whether you have money or not isn't the biggest deal.

If you have it, great.

But don't get too attached to it. If you

don't have it, don't be too upset. It's

It's real wealth.

You see what he's doing?

What he's actually When he See, it sounds strange at first. He says, "Those who mourn as if they didn't mourn."

Okay, you can weep, but at the same time, don't overdo it because everything is going to be made right. And you can rejoice, but at the same time, don't overdo it because this isn't real joy.

This is nothing like what you're going to get. This will never satisfy your

to get. This will never satisfy your heart.

And then, he applies it to marriage and singleness.

And that's the reason he's saying basically this.

The ultimate family is in the future.

The ultimate wedding is in the future.

The wedding supper of the lamb.

All of the deepest desires you have for love, for closure, for acceptance, for unity, for security, all of that will be satisfied on that day.

And no earthly family and no earthly marriage can can do anything more than be pen-penultimate. It can be a foretaste.

pen-penultimate. It can be a foretaste.

It can be a sign. It can be great.

But if you don't have a family, don't get too upset. And if you do have a family, don't be too elated.

And don't put too much of your hopes in it.

And once you see that, in other words, once you see the idea that everything you do here, including being single and being married, has to be constantly done in light of the future and not act not acting as if this

life is all there is.

And in in everything has to be done in in terms of the future and to be looked lived in light of the future.

It changes everything, but it also means it equalizes singleness and and married life.

That's why Paul I mean, there's no two ways around it. When he says, "Are you unmarried?" He doesn't say, "Well,

unmarried?" He doesn't say, "Well, that's all right, but marriage state is the real way in which you live out the Christian life." He says, "No."

Christian life." He says, "No."

He says, "Also, do I want you to say, 'Oh, you're married. Don't do that.'"

If you marry, you're not sinning. If

you're not marrying, you're not in trouble. You're not a freak.

trouble. You're not a freak.

It's astounding, actually. It really is a pretty astounding. And so there's your theology of singleness. It's a

sophisticated theology of the kingdom of God applied to singleness and marriage.

Uh now, let's talk about how unique it is and I mean it's unique and I'll and you'll see it immediately.

There are basically two approaches, I think, culturally to this whole subject.

In the West, we make an idol out of your individual rights and your individual happiness.

And in traditional cultures, to some degree in the East, but basically not just in the East, Latin America and Africa, too. In non-Western traditional

Africa, too. In non-Western traditional cultures, it makes it they those cultures make an idol out of the family. You're nobody

until you're in a family.

And in the West, so let's go back and forth here. In the West,

forth here. In the West, yeah, marriage is fine as long as it meets your individual needs. Don't cut

yourself off from too many options.

Never get married before you've got your career going. Why? Because absolutely

career going. Why? Because absolutely

ultimately, marriage has to fulfill you.

It has to be an asset in your portfolio.

But what really matters is you.

Self-realization is paramount.

And marriage is just a means to an end.

And so you better not marry anybody who's going to be too high maintenance.

Of course, you got to get somebody who's bringing assets in if you're going to do that. You know, you know, emotional and

that. You know, you know, emotional and spiritual and sexual and maybe financial and you be you know, it's got to be something that enhances you and gets you where you want to go in life. That's the

Western idea.

The traditional idea of course is you're nothing until you're married. You

are a freak until you're married. It's

the reason why By the way, it's not when I say West and East, you know that we're uh obviously in non-Western parts of the world in the big cities, uh in Asia, Latin America, and Africa,

very often the big cities are more Western. And we also know if you go away

Western. And we also know if you go away from the big cities and say in North America, it's more traditional. That's

one of the reasons why a lot of you are living in New York because you can't go home as a 30-year-old single without

without almost everybody saying nonverbally saying with their looks you poor thing.

[laughter] You poor thing.

So in traditional societies you really don't have a legacy. You have your life hasn't really gotten started till you get married. And in Western

get married. And in Western the Western idea is that marriage is a basically a disposable asset, something that you take up if you want if it really helps you.

Now Christianity and its approach to singleness and to marriage is absolutely astonishingly different.

It's astonishingly different. It puts us completely at variance with our culture no matter where we're from. As some of your cases since you're bicultural people it puts you at variance with both the cultures you're living in and the

culture you grew up in.

Uh so for example on the one hand what this means is the this exalted view of marriage

as a place in which I give myself and I don't I'm not I'm supposed to be giving myself to my marriage partner to help my marriage partner grow into everything that Christ wants him or her to be.

And it's supposed to be a a thing of service.

It's not supposed to just be a way of self-fulfillment. Uh and

self-fulfillment. Uh and on the other hand on the other hand the fact is that marriage can never give you all the things that you really are looking for.

It's only in Jesus's arms that you'll ever find what you're really looking for in a spouse. It's only in the family of God and the church. Now here's what's weird about the church. The church is actually

living the overlap of the ages.

Ultimately we're not just going to be in the presence of God.

We're going to be in our family, brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, so sons and daughters. Uh

those who are in Christ are part of a family. Now, right now we get a

family. Now, right now we get a foretaste of it a bit. We'll get to this in a second. But we're going to be not only seeing Jesus, we're going to be together in that wedding supper. The

lamb has a lot of people. There's a lot of guests at the wedding. Blessed are

those who are guests at the wedding supper of the lamb.

And because of this uh Christian the Christian view of singleness has always been that this is a viable paradigm for adult life. And uh Stanley Hauerwas,

uh some of you know if you've ever heard me teach on this or if you've read Kathy and my book on marriage, Stanley Hauerwas at Duke University has a couple of classic uh uh essays on this subject that you can

find in the book which you can buy easily now called Community of Character.

And in it he says this. He says um Christianity was the very first religion or worldview that held up single adulthood as a viable way of life.

One clear difference between Christianity and Judaism and all other religions is the former, that's Christians, entertainment of the idea that singleness is a paradigm way of life for its followers.

He points out in the in the essay, for example, that Tiberius at one point, you know, Tiberius Caesar, at one point uh made it a law that any woman who became

a widow who was under a certain age had to get married again in 2 years.

How do you like that?

It was because the idea was that if you were a single person, you were a drag on society and you were an embarrassment to yourself.

There was no honor without family honor.

You didn't have really individual honor.

There was no um legacy unless you had heirs, unless you had people who were descended from you.

Uh and uh it it just was not considered a viable way of life. And yet when you read the New Testament, you will see that widows were not uh uh, forced in in way to marry. And that's what's so

radical about the places where it says the poor widows, poor Christian widows, were supported by the whole church financially and in every way.

Why?

Because they you know, the implication is it's okay to be single.

It doesn't say poor old widows, by the way.

Poor widows, women who were widowed and who therefore did not have a good means of support, they were supported by the church. And what did that mean? It meant

church. And what did that mean? It meant

that it's okay to be single.

And how our wise goes on and says it's a that plus the fact that Paul and plus the fact that Jesus Jesus himself the perfect human being

let me point that out.

The perfect human being, the ultimate expression of perfect humanity didn't feel the need to get married in order to exhibit perfect humanity.

Which means, by the way he also the earthly Jesus also lived in wondrous hope and joy at the prospect of that future wedding supper of the

lamb. It was enough for him, too.

lamb. It was enough for him, too.

Now, here's what this means.

Paul says some stuff in Corinthians 1 Corinthians 7, which is pretty um pretty even-handed about uh, singleness and marriage.

Uh, one of the things he says, which is I think a little easy to misunderstand, but actually in light of what Wesley has already taught uh, earlier is it's he actually is uh, setting me up to say what I want to say right now. Paul says,

one of the things he's one of the reasons why he's saying, "Look, if you want to get married, that's fine, but it's great to be unmarried. In fact,

there's a lot of problems with being married I would like to spare you from."

And uh, you say, "What?" And then he says, "Well, a man who is married wants to please his wife. A man who is single wants to please the Lord."

Now, I want you to know that is a trenchant observation.

And here's what I think it's got to mean.

Uh it is possible to turn a friend into an idol.

It's possible to look at a friend or two and and basically put them in the place of Jesus.

Make their friendship the thing you're living for. Make their regard the thing

living for. Make their regard the thing that gives you your self-image. In other

words, really turn a friend into a pseudo savior. But I want you to know

pseudo savior. But I want you to know it's a lot harder to do that with a friend than it is with a spouse.

I guess I would say that friendship in general, we're all sinners, so you can we can twist anything. But in general, friendship is uh more How do I say it?

It's more avoidably it's it's more unavoidably unselfish.

Friendship more naturally becomes unselfish. But let me tell you, when you

unselfish. But let me tell you, when you get into marriage, you want to be fulfilled.

And if you are not being fulfilled, you just blow up.

Marriage is really about me.

Marriage is about you. Marriage is about me.

Uh I mean, it's supposed to What I liked about Wes's uh talk was he was bringing out the fact Now, there's no there's actually no relationship that's perfectly like that, but relationships

have both service and possession as part of them. So, on the one hand,

of them. So, on the one hand, a friend or a spouse belongs to you. And

what that means is you're my possession.

You're my wealth. It's something You're something that fulfills me.

Uh uh you are a form of my wealth.

I enjoy you.

Uh you help me. You build me up. But

also, I serve you.

I'm here to serve you, to help you along, to help you become what Christ wants you to be, to not think of my own interest. Now, I'd say the fact of the

interest. Now, I'd say the fact of the matter is that it It a lot easier in friendship in general, to remember that relationship is about service.

And it's a lot easy harder in marriage.

And this is what Paul is saying, not for marriage to become possessive, absorbing, idolatrous, either way.

You know, if you have a good marriage, a lot of people know this. If you have a good marriage, it's absolutely absolutely almost impossible not to have that spouse replace Jesus in your life.

And all sorts of ways. John Newton,

uh the great letter writer, hymn writer, John Newton has some great stuff in his letters about the fact he had a good marriage. And as a result, he says, "I

marriage. And as a result, he says, "I just do not lean on Jesus the way I would otherwise.

I just do not really go to Jesus to get my uh to really get my love, to really get my um uh my satisfaction.

I don't do that. I don't need to.

I've got this adoring woman who's doing all this." And he says, "Uh if your marriage is good, you have a problem with idolatry. If your marriage is bad, marriage is bad." I think it's just as easy, if not easier,

to say, "If my marriage was good, everything would be better in my life.

It would all be fixed." And it wouldn't be.

No, it wouldn't be. That's Paul's whole point. The only thing that's going to

point. The only thing that's going to fix you is the future, that incredible wedding supper that's coming.

So, here's what you have.

If you are a single person, you've got a really great prospect in front of you. If you're a single adult and you're a Christian, uh

on the one hand, what it means is you can avoid the idolatries that very often happen and the selfishness and the absorption that very often happens.

Uh by the way, I'm now into the point is how could singleness be a gift?

Paul calls singleness a gift, and a whole lot of people do not understand that. They think of it as a spiritual

that. They think of it as a spiritual gift. That mean I don't need to be

gift. That mean I don't need to be married. I don't want to be married.

married. I don't want to be married.

Uh-uh.

Here's what it is. Here's why it's a gift.

It's possible in singleness for you to have a lot more friends.

There's no doubt those of us who are married and are raising children, we cannot maintain the same number of friends.

Nor can they have as much as there can be as much depth.

Just not possible.

Secondly, friendship is an extraordinarily sanctifying experience.

Marriage can be, but I just told you it's it's filled with potholes. That's

what Paul's talking about.

It's extraordinarily easy just to be sucked into the problems of marriage, idolatry in marriage, whether it's good or bad.

And in many ways friendship is one of the best ways to get out of yourself. To

learn what you're supposed to learn through serving other people. To

actually experience love the way it's supposed to be loved, as supposed to as supposed to happen.

And he says, "Man, you as a single adult you can have more friendships, you can find yourself growing through those friendships. Of course, you can serve

friendships. Of course, you can serve more."

more." Um you know, Jesus and Paul and John Stott were all single and they got a lot of ministry done, a whole lot of ministry done. And a lot of A lot of people say

done. And a lot of A lot of people say to me, "Why, you know, your books are really good. Why did you wait till you

really good. Why did you wait till you were in your mid-50s to start writing books?" I said, "Family."

books?" I said, "Family."

[laughter] I I had to go I I my family had to get grown up and really be okay and and off and so uh in all these way I think that's what it means when Paul says, "Do you realize

what a gift singleness can be?"

It's you shouldn't think of it as the ability to, you know, not hurt or care or get get sad about sometimes being lonely. That's not what he's talking I

lonely. That's not what he's talking I don't have that gift because I get lonely. That's not what he's talking

lonely. That's not what he's talking about. Do you see what a gift it can be?

about. Do you see what a gift it can be?

But think about this.

If on the one hand, and some single Christians pull this off.

If on the one hand you spend all your time as a single person beating yourself up, hating yourself, feeling like a failure cuz you're not married.

You're giving in to the idolatry of traditional cultures.

Stop it.

On the other hand, if you go on out and you have sex without commitment, without marriage, you go out and have sex because you want to be fulfilled, you're giving in to the idolatry of Western cultures, you know, personal fulfillment. I got to go

out there and have somebody meet my needs, okay? Stop it.

needs, okay? Stop it.

And what's interesting to me is there are a fair number of Christian singles that somehow seem to be able to pull off both idolatries at once, going out and having sex and hating themselves for not being

married. It's amazing.

married. It's amazing.

It's just wonderful. So you have absolutely the worst of both worlds.

And and seriously though, you have not have you have not encountered Jesus at the worldview level.

You have not encountered Jesus at the worldview level. You basically are you

worldview level. You basically are you either still, you know, I'm a Christian, I'm not saying you're not a Christian, but you're completely conformed to the world.

Either the Western world which says I've just got to have fulfillment, I've got to have sexual fulfillment or I'm not a real person. I got to have somebody

real person. I got to have somebody adoring me like that. Or the Eastern or the traditional approach which says you got to be part of a family or you're nothing at all, you're just a freak.

You actually haven't actually let Jesus affect your worldview, the gospel affect your worldview and you're not living in in And you know what this means? The

family of God, the church, and Jesus, and that future hope is not enough for you.

What you need to do everything you possibly can to make that thing real to yourself in prayer, through corporate worship, through the sacraments, all the ways in which the they're called the means of grace in

which Jesus is enough for you.

The uh here's where I what I'm saying is dovetailing with Kathy.

Um The thing that the serpent said in the garden, do you know what the original lie was?

The original thing that got everything going, all that messed up the whole world cuz Adam and Eve believed it and the rest is history.

And this lie has passed into our hearts, I think. It's a It's probably one of the

I think. It's a It's probably one of the most fundamental things about our nature.

Let me paraphrase. I mean, what the serpent said is uh uh you know, he said we're not supposed to eat the trees of the garden or the tree of the garden. He says, "Oh, you will not surely die. In fact, your eyes

will be open." Here's what he was saying.

The serpent, if you obey God, you'll never be happy.

You'll miss out.

That's the lie.

If you thoroughly and completely obey God, you will miss out. You will not be happy. That's it.

happy. That's it.

And it's the reason why um actually, that lie distorts marriage, too. But we're not here to talk about

too. But we're not here to talk about marriage. We're here to talk about

marriage. We're here to talk about singleness. And it's distorting your

singleness. And it's distorting your life either in a Western way or an Eastern way.

And one of my favorite texts um and I really uh I just thought of it on the way over, but I'll at least share it.

Derek Kidner, who's re- wrote a commentary on the Psalms and on Proverbs many, many years ago, a little Tyndale commentary. His stuff has meant so much

commentary. His stuff has meant so much to me, especially when I was a young a young Christian. And in his commentary

young Christian. And in his commentary on Psalm 81, verse 10, he says something that nobody else says about that verse. I'll tell you what that verse is.

It says, "I am the Lord thy God, who brought you out of Egypt."

That's the first part of the verse.

Now, that's exactly how the Ten Commandments starts.

"I am the Lord thy God, who brought you out of Egypt.

Thou shall have no other gods before me." That, you know, you know, you know,

me." That, you know, you know, you know, down it goes. And uh however, in Psalm 81, verse 10, God starts off talking about the fact you're in a covenant with me.

You're in a covenant relationship with me. I am the Lord thy God, and I have

me. I am the Lord thy God, and I have saved you. I brought you out of Egypt.

saved you. I brought you out of Egypt.

But this time, in verse 10, instead of saying, "Here's all the things I want you to do." he says, "Open your mouth and I will fill it."

What Derek Kidner says is these are the this just we have to remember this is the two sides of the covenant relationship. Yes, of course there's

relationship. Yes, of course there's requirements.

God says, "You want to be in a covenant relationship with me, I want you to live in this way." But here's the other side.

He says, "I am not going to hurt you if you obey me. I am not going to make you empty.

me. I am not going to make you empty.

If you obey me and you come to me, I will fill you.

I will satisfy you. I am enough for you.

I would you were built for me.

Your joy sensors, your your you you might say your spiritual digestive system needs me. That's what it needs.

needs me. That's what it needs.

And so please don't believe that lie. If

you obey me, you will miss out.

No, I'm the Lord thy God. Obey me and I will fill you.

Now here's four since I have 4 minutes left.

I wouldn't want to waste them. I'm a New Yorker.

So here here's four implications.

They're kind of brief, but they're kind of interesting. You might want to go

of interesting. You might want to go find something that Wes Hill did on the First Things blog recently in which he got out

a a letter from C.S. Lewis to a friend in 1956 on the subject of masturbation which I had forgotten completely about and that he jogged my memory about. And

the and he does some some I some thoughts on it for single person, but here's what's here's what it says. Listen, this is

says. Listen, this is what what C.S. Lewis says about the problem of masturbation. Now you know, we never use the word masturbation. We

now use the word pornography. And it's

partly because you know, the pornography means masturbation and fantasy, but usually with something graphic in front of you. I think because he was

of you. I think because he was living in 1956 when pornography wasn't nearly as available, he used the word masturbation but Uh here's what Lewis says to this friend

about it. He says, "For me, the real

about it. He says, "For me, the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite sexual appetite which in lawful use

leads the individual out of himself to complete and correct his own personality and that of another.

And turns it back, sends the man back into the prison of himself there to keep a harem of imaginary brides.

And this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with the real woman, for the harem is always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifices or adjustments, and can be endowed with

erotic and psychological attractions which no real woman could ever rival.

Among those shadowy brides, he is always adored, always the perfect lover, no demand is made on his unselfishness, no mortification ever imposed on his vanity. In the end, they become merely

vanity. In the end, they become merely the medium through which he increasingly adores himself, and it is not only the faculty of love which is thus sterilized, forced back on itself, it's also the faculty of imagination. Now,

he says the purpose of sex which obviously is for marriage is to lead the individual out of himself to complete and correct his own personality and that of another. That's the reason why we always say sex is only for

marriage, cuz only when you're giving yourself physically to someone who you have given yourself to in every other way does sex become a way for you to correct your personality and your self-centeredness.

It makes you unite with somebody who's different than you and who you're constantly having to clash with over each other's self-centerednesses and you're becoming a more and more the a loving person. You're becoming a person who's not so self-centered and so

self-absorbed. You're really becoming

self-absorbed. You're really becoming Christ-like.

Sex can help you with that, but not Not only does it doesn't work if you're doing it outside of marriage, but it certainly doesn't work if you're having it by yourself.

So, don't do it.

It It ruins you not only for marriage, but for friendship. Because it creates the habits of mind that are basically I living in a world in which I have it all my way and that's the opposite of what you need.

That is the opposite of what you need.

That's point one. Point two,

it would be wonderful if Redeemer was the kind of place where because of this view of singleness and marriage, you weren't so

unbelievably picky about the about the looks and the financial well-being of your prospective marriage partners.

Everything I've said I hope shows at mitigates against that being being the most important thing. You

know, John Tierney for some years wrote a little article called picky picky picky. Have you ever seen that?

picky. Have you ever seen that?

And he talks he says, you know, a lot of his friends, you know, he he says say, "Well, I'm going to get married, but I" Then he describes the person he's looking for and he says roughly speaking it's something like this. They got He

says, "My most of my guy friends say, 'I'm looking for somebody a PhD with a who used to be an astronaut with a background in fashion modeling.'"

And uh basically he says, "In other words, you don't want to get married."

But you know, here's what's so funny.

You we say we're Don't tell me, "Well, since I am actually being celibate, I am living the single life of a Christian single life."

life." Not if you look at people who might be spouses and you rule them out because they're not perfectly thin or they're not beautiful or they're not

good-looking or they don't have a wonderful salary.

If you're doing that, you're actually just as into the ideologies of the world and you're not really understanding the meaning of marriage anyway.

Thirdly, let me just suggest What is thirdly?

Nah, only one I said I was going to do three. Time's up. I can only do one

three. Time's up. I can only do one more.

Get community input when you seek for spouses, when you seek for partners.

See, we are the family.

We are a family. We're not just a bunch of individuals who come for a show.

We're supposed to be brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, sons and daughters of each other. And what that means is, don't go trying to select your partners and the people you date and the people that you're thinking about

getting married without lots and lots of input from the family.

It'll help.

Uh practice being in a family.

That's what it means to be single. See,

married people, the this is the ultimate family right here.

I have God's been blessed me in my marriage and with my children. The fact is that I'm a just a subgrouping of this family.

This particular family, which is the the the body of Christ. And you're already in it if you're single. You're already

in it. If you get married, you're already in the ultimate family.

So, act like you're in the ultimate family.