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This was the toughest year of my life.

By Peter McKinnon

Summary

Topics Covered

  • Passion Intensifies Over Time
  • Loss Fuels Creative Momentum
  • Slowness Elevates Creative Products
  • Done Beats Perfect Every Time

Full Transcript

What's up everybody? Peter McKinnon

here. Welcome back to yet another video, the last video, the final video of 2025.

I always like making these videos. It's

fun to sit down, get a coffee, and kind of reminisce on the year's events, all the things that happened, all the things that I got to make, all the places I got to go and people I got to meet. You'd

think that maybe like I think I'm like 8 years into this now. You'd think at this point I would be a little like, "All right, here we go. Another video

recapping." But no, quite the opposite.

It's funny [music] this career and this trajectory and this whole YouTube thing that started off as kind of an experiment that ended up working and to my surprise it kept working and then I

turned it into an an actual job and and you'd think like over the years as you keep going maybe gets more boring, maybe it gets like less exciting, but more so

maybe your passion for it will start to [music] fade as the years progress. But

what I found with this, and I've never had this with anything else that I've done in my life, but [music] as the years go on, I get more and more excited to do it. It's like I've got more things that I want to do. And when the year

ends, I'm like, "Okay, well, let's let's go or like hurry up. I want to get on to the next year so I can keep going [music] and do those things and then see if I can do them." And that just keeps stacking and stacking and stacking. And

even if I don't get to do them in this particular year or the year prior, etc., I'm very excited at the the possibility of being able to do that next year. And

that's kind of where I'm feeling right now. I end the year with a lot of

now. I end the year with a lot of gratitude and a lot of excitement for [music] what I'm hopefully going to be able to accomplish next year. It's cold

in here. It's cold in Canada right now.

I am. This is like a sheerling vest with a hoodie and it's still not enough.

Okay. [snorts] I'm one of those people where it's like it doesn't matter what the temperature is, I'm always cold.

Maybe I don't have enough meat on my body. Maybe that's why. Maybe I should

body. Maybe that's why. Maybe I should lift weights. Maybe that'll help. I

lift weights. Maybe that'll help. I

think one of the things I wish I did more of this year was Well, it's hard.

I think I I think I did good considering there was a lot the second half of the year was was difficult.

Um not not just not professionally, more so personally. I lost my father in

so personally. I lost my father in November and uh he was he was pretty awesome. He was

uh my biggest fan and that was that was a hard journey.

That was a hard journey [music] to go through um for the better part of from June until until now. Really, this will

be the first [music] um Christmas without him. And

I wasn't I wasn't sure if I was going to talk about it or not or say it. And I

can [music] I'm doing my best. I I don't know how much detail I'll go into um about it, but he was an amazing father.

He was an incredible role model and the gap the gap that he leaves behind is enormous. [music]

enormous. [music] Um, I'm so grateful that I had someone like him to look up to, you know, starting a YouTube channel when he was 80.

I even put him on the front page as creator on the rise. [music] He was writing books, building guitars, he's making shorts. The guy was making more

making shorts. The guy was making more content than I was, and it's my actual job to do it. Um, which I always thought was was funny. But uh dealing with that

whole dynamic and situation over the last uh half year [music] has made it a little more difficult to to make videos and travel while all that stuff was happening. And I and I didn't really

happening. And I and I didn't really want to. I I wanted to be here for my

want to. I I wanted to be here for my dad and my family. And um

yeah, that's that's um they put a [music] It's hard to speak. I I usually don't have a problem speaking, but it's it's kind of hard to speak. Yeah, it it

made it hard to just kind of want to sit down and and talk about cameras or teach stuff about cameras and be excited about film making and

obviously travel was a bit on pause and I tried to get a few trips in here. One

one didn't work out as you guys saw with Iceland being cancelled maybe for [music] the best. Um I canceled another few which which was good because the timing ended up being that I I I got to

be here uh for the end. So,

um, yeah, it's hard. It's still fresh, you know. It's still at the surface. And I

know. It's still at the surface. And I

think I have an I have a brand new empathy for anyone that's lost [music] anybody, a parent. Um, you know, you see

it from the outside and it obviously sucks, but to feel it is is is wild. So,

I love you, Dad. Thanks for shaping me into who I am today. I know you're likely watching up there. So, I will keep going for you and for everybody

else cuz we've got a lot to talk about.

[gasps] I'm I don't like emotions. They make me uncomfortable.

Maybe we'll I'll talk about this more in the new year when it's not as uh it's not as fresh and it doesn't hurt as much. Like it or not, it was a defining

much. Like it or not, it was a defining moment in [music] my life. It'll be a defining moment in my career. It will

just massively shift probably how I'm going to do things moving forward, how I'm going to see things, how I see the world, the relationships I have. Um, you

know, you learn a lot and you get a lot of you get a lot of perspective from something like this and going through something like this. So, um, I don't want to just learn those lessons and and move on forgetting about them in a few months when when things are a little

easier hopefully. I want to impart those

easier hopefully. I want to impart those lessons. a lot of things my dad taught

lessons. a lot of things my dad taught me, a lot of things that I've learned along the way through this last 6 months and and how I feel now moving into [music] 2026. I want to carry those

[music] 2026. I want to carry those things with me and let it be the guiding light [music] that's going to direct my content into the future. So, it won't be an anchor that takes me to the bottom or

keeps [music] me at the bottom. I'm

going to use it um like a shooting star.

Um [music] I owe that to to him and to myself and to and to you. Ah, not the direction I thought this was going.

Let's do a fun update.

This was the working title, but I am I'm happy to say even though there was so many doubters, oh, he'll never finish the book. Uh, it's it's done. I think

the book. Uh, it's it's done. I think

there's like one one page left, which uh is the dedication page to to [music] my dad. So, I'm obviously going to put that

dad. So, I'm obviously going to put that in there. And I've got big plans for

in there. And I've got big plans for this book. A few that I I want to see if

this book. A few that I I want to see if it's I've got a couple wild ideas and I need to just make sure they're logistically possible before I say anything about them. So, I'll just I'll just default to I'm very excited to have

finally finished this. It's something

I've wanted to do my entire life as a photographer. I always found it

photographer. I always found it difficult to come up with a theme or some way to quantify and to just assemble like a life's work of photos into one book. How do you do that? Is it

just a book of everything? I don't know.

But one day it clicked when I swapped over to film for a year and I made myself shoot only film for an entire year. I thought that was a great lesson.

year. I thought that was a great lesson.

That was a great experiment. That was a great experience. And to capture that

great experience. And to capture that into a coffee table book filled with the photos from day one, like the first roll through like a bunch of roles that

sucked right to the end shooting a portrait of Kefir Southerntherland. Like

that was my dream portrait on film. If

you told me that at the beginning of the year, I would never have believed you.

uh that whole journey is captured in this book with stories and scribblings and journal pages and lots it's it is

not just square photos on a white page.

Okay, we I hired my friend Mike Clark.

He's an incredible like a ridiculous designer and I just thought you [music] know what originally I was just going to try and kind of assemble this book myself but what like what when you want something done right you hire a

professional to do it. That's what we hope people do for us as cinematographers, photographers. We hope

cinematographers, photographers. We hope that they give [music] us the work because we know and we put in the craft and we have the passion to make it the best it can possibly be. Mike made this the best it can possibly be. I could not

have done it without him. It is it is unbelievable. This is a prototype from

unbelievable. This is a prototype from May, maybe April. So, I've been working on this for like the whole year. And

obviously, like I I mentioned with some of the things that happened this year and my dad, it slowed down a little bit more than I'd like it to. But hey,

that's okay. Now I can at least put him on the front page. Um, which is special.

But this I cannot wait for you to see this in real life. I think it deserves probably like its own video about like all the updates and and what the process of making a book because not only do you

just have to design it and get it right and then get it ready for print, but you have to make sure the pages are the right thickness, they're the right sheen, the right weight, [music] like what's the finish? Like how does how do

the photos look on it? How does it open?

What does the spine look like when this book is fully open? Does it lay flat?

Can you read all the stories [music] inside it? How do the drawings look? How

inside it? How do the drawings look? How

does how does everything how does it feel when you flip? Like what is it the right orientation? Is it the right

right orientation? Is it the right aspect ratio? There's so much to it.

aspect ratio? There's so much to it.

What's the cover? How thick is the cover? All these things that it's

cover? All these things that it's exciting and it's exciting to think about, but when it actually comes down to making a book, you're like, "Oh, wow.

There are more choices and things to go through than I had thought. Could I have just slapped this all into like a quick kind of like online book maker and set the quantity to like, you know, whatever 200 and ordered a bunch and put them on

my website and sold it? Yes. Or could I take a year to two years to make it the best possible creative product that I've ever done in my life and and that's that's what I chose. I think sometimes

I'm really quick to just like make something and put it out because I'm excited. And sometimes products work

excited. And sometimes products work that way. Everything [music] aligns. All

that way. Everything [music] aligns. All

the stars align. You can just make it.

It's done. It's easy. Then there are some things that just deserve slowness.

They deserve to take months, maybe even years. And it shows and you'll feel it

years. And it shows and you'll feel it when you flip through these pages. This

is the journey of my of my process through shooting film. From learning it from day one to making mistakes and taking portraits and carrying a light meter everywhere to the very end when I

was just blasting rolls down range, snapping portraits of Kefir Sutherland like it's nothing. Uh, and it's a crazy journey and it won't be the end. This is

the first part of a long journey. I

enjoyed the process of this so much and I learned so much that I feel like I could probably do this faster next time, but again, I don't want to rush it. But

do I have plans for a second, third, fourth? Yeah. You you you know that I

fourth? Yeah. You you you know that I do. You know that I do. So, this is

do. You know that I do. So, this is something that is is coming in 2026. I

feel like when I make a video about the book, like getting like the first fully finished prototype and unboxing it together and going through some of the pages would be would be a great moment

to discuss more of it. I just wanted to show you here so that you knew it was happening. It was still happening. It

happening. It was still happening. It

physically exists. There's a lot of cool stuff in it. And it I mean this is such an early version, too. Like it's so much better than this looking back on this now, this version of it. But I wanted it to also be a means of learning. I don't

want you to just flip through this and and see pretty photos or not pretty photos. Subjective. I want you to flip

photos. Subjective. I want you to flip through this and be inspired. I want you to flip through this and learn something about photography. Maybe learn something

about photography. Maybe learn something about yourself. Maybe see that like I'm

about yourself. Maybe see that like I'm also not a perfect photographer that makes mistakes and takes horrible photos. Sometimes they're great,

photos. Sometimes they're great, sometimes they're not great. And I

wanted to include every single piece of that. A true honest journey through

that. A true honest journey through learning this craft over again more than 20 years into it. That book is called film for a year. Uh and that'll be

coming out hopefully hopefully around spring since uh once we finalize that stuff. They're getting printed in Italy

stuff. They're getting printed in Italy and then uh it's the whole printing process and getting them back over here.

So uh and dealing with you know whatever tariffs and all that stuff that's going on. Hopefully it's it's a little easier

on. Hopefully it's it's a little easier to manage. But that is the uh that is

to manage. But that is the uh that is the plan. So [music] once I think I have

the plan. So [music] once I think I have the finished prototype and we lock in and everything's locked, signed off, checked, uh then I'll open pre-orders and we'll know how many we need we need

to order and [music] and we'll get the ball rolling. But it's it's close and

ball rolling. But it's it's close and it's big. I was always worried it was

it's big. I was always worried it was going to be like this thin little like calendar sized book that like had like 30 pages in it, but it is it's it's a

monster and that gets me so excited. So,

thank you for all your patience on that.

Just because you don't hear about a project doesn't mean it's dead forever.

And and maybe you're reading between the lines there and you're thinking Angels and Airwaves and you're thinking that we'll never see the light of day on that. There are very specific reasons it

that. There are very specific reasons it has not yet been finished or worked on.

That's not to say it won't ever be finished or worked on. But I need to remind you that I'm not the only person involved in that project. There are many other people who are also playing in

other bands. and um it's not just a

other bands. and um it's not just a decision that falls solely on me. So,

it's kind of one of those things where it needs some time for me to be able to get back into it and recraft the story in a way that's going to work and and be great for everyone involved. So, it's

not a dead project, but things change, circumstances change, not just for me, but for other people and and some of the some of the stars of this of this story.

And uh I got to play that out. I got to wait for that until I'm able to kind of dive back in and and and [music] tackle it again. Maybe it's kind of like a last

it again. Maybe it's kind of like a last dance situation and it's going to take years and I'm okay with it taking years.

It's not something that I'm I'm going to give up on easily. Uh I have a plan for it. It's just it's got to take a

it. It's just it's got to take a backseat right now. So unfortunately

during that time I'm going to work on other projects and I'm going to work on other things that inspire me because I don't want to just sit around and wait for one thing when I can keep creating, keep sharpening myself. So when it comes

time to to open that book again, uh I'm going to be ready even more so than I was when I started it. I get asked about it all the time like where's the angel stuff and and that's that's the story and in between this there are many

things in 2026 that need to unfold that I want to unfold more so than I think I've ever planned. I don't know where the problem is if it's like too many things planned for 2026 that it becomes overwhelming or if you don't plan

enough. I was able to sit down 3 days

enough. I was able to sit down 3 days ago and come up with 45 different videos I want to make immediately within 60 minutes. I would love to get back to the

minutes. I would love to get back to the cadence of making more content more often. [music] not necessarily always so

often. [music] not necessarily always so strict in how good it has to be. I like

everything to be the best thing I've ever made. And I know that's not

ever made. And I know that's not practical and I know that that doesn't that's not something you can carry forever. I'd like to try to, but the

forever. I'd like to try to, but the reality of that is it's going to end up slowing you down because you just get in your own way trying to accomplish something that's just unrealistic. If

there's anything I can leave you with this year, art is messy. Content is

messy. And it's not always the best and it's not always perfect and it's not always the best thing you'll ever make.

And sometimes that's what makes it so awesome and honest and raw and authentic. Waiting around to make

authentic. Waiting around to make something the best and most polished it can possibly be [music] might actually hurt you in the end.

Making it connect with less people than if you were just your raw self.

Finishing things as you could, the best you could, and getting them done rather than focusing on them being perfect.

That's a quote we floated around this channel since the beginning. If you've

been here, it's done is better than perfect. And that's true. And there are

perfect. And that's true. And there are many times I need to relearn that and take my own advice. There's so many little things I could have made and could have filmed along the way that would have been great and helpful to some people and entertaining to some

people, but if you get caught up in how good the production should look and [music] how successful it was based off of a number that you can't control, you're never going to get anywhere.

[music] You won't start. You won't keep going. You won't be happy with the

going. You won't be happy with the destination. Those things need to melt

destination. Those things need to melt away and expose just the artist within you that wants to create. That's that's

what you chase, nothing else. That's the

energy I'm taking into [music] 2026. But

a heartfelt thank you to everyone that has stuck around and continued watching these videos, even with the consistency being lower than I'd like. Thank you so much. I I honestly appreciate you more

much. I I honestly appreciate you more than you more than you probably realize.

We've never met and I'm just on this side of the screen and you're on that side wherever you are watching in the world. then that means everything to me.

world. then that means everything to me.

That is such a special thing to to know that you're giving me your time.

Somewhere in the world, you you've sat down and and chose to click this video and watch this and listen to these words. So, thank you to you

words. So, thank you to you specifically. Thank you. Another one is

specifically. Thank you. Another one is is thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this video. And I know that's [music] that's a you know, that's a line that we've gotten used to hearing.

Thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring Thanks to anybody for sponsoring this video. But the these partners and

video. But the these partners and especially a lot of these partners this year with me being so patient and understanding with with some of the things I've been going through and and and sticking by me while I've navigated

something that I've never navigated before. These are partners that I value

before. These are partners that I value tremendously. Squarespace is one of

tremendously. Squarespace is one of these partners. I'll spare you the whole

these partners. I'll spare you the whole long song and dance, but um maybe for the last time of of 2025, let's uh let's get you a [music] website. And you can do that by clicking the link in the

description below and saving 10% off if you use the code mckinnon at checkout.

That's one of the things I redid this year. The early on I redid

year. The early on I redid petermckinnon.com and uh I love it. I

need to update it a little bit again now. I want to kind of keep it as like a

now. I want to kind of keep it as like a revolving door of updates, [music] but I'm also wanting to get it prepped for the book when that comes out. So, uh

Squarespace is a great platform [music] to do that. If I want to sell that, that's where I'm going to do it. As

photographers and storytellers, we are given a great tool here to tell our story in a multitude of ways. Be that

we're hosting podcasts, you've got client areas that are protected. It's

easy to use. You can get it up and running. And you don't need to go to

running. And you don't need to go to school [music] for web design to get it running. You can have it running before

running. You can have it running before the end of the day. And if we've seen anything explode this year, it's been AI. And Squarespace have implemented AI

AI. And Squarespace have implemented AI into their builder to get you the most targeted personalized website that you can possibly get with something [music] called Blueprint. Not only have the

called Blueprint. Not only have the templates always been revolving and changing, giving you options to dial in the specific look for you and your brand, but now they've taken that even further, getting [music] you something

very unique. The customer service is

very unique. The customer service is great. It's not super expensive, and

great. It's not super expensive, and everything [music] is done in one platform online. So, thank you

platform online. So, thank you Squarespace for sponsoring this channel.

So, thank you for sponsoring me. [music]

Thank you for supporting me. And thank

you guys, everyone out there who clicks on the links and [music] signs up and makes websites. It makes a difference to

makes websites. It makes a difference to know that people are actually out there clicking on this. They're they're

listening to the words that I'm saying and they're clicking and making websites is it's phenomenal and it honestly it [music] it's it's what keeps me going quite literally and figuratively. So, uh

thank you Squarespace. Thank you [music] for clicking the links and again if you want to get started that's in the description below. That is the last the

description below. That is the last the last read for 2025. [music]

So where do we go from here? What's

next? Beyond the cadence improving of upload speed and and wanting to just connect with you in a more authentic way more often. The that's the first foot

more often. The that's the first foot forward for me into 2026. I'm also Don't laugh at me. Don't laugh at me. That's

coming with a full overhaul of this studio. And I know I can hear it. I can

studio. And I know I can hear it. I can

see it on your face. I know. I've never

struggled with the space as much as as I've struggled with this one. And that

let's just if we're going to be honest here, I've had many offices over the years. I started in the bedroom, the

years. I started in the bedroom, the spare bedroom of my house and I was great and I loved it and I moved things around and I've always moved things around my entire life having a room like go home from school and move my bed against the wall and change it the next

day and it's fun. It's just good to feel good in your space and for me I need to feel good in my space in order to feel creative. That can also turn into an

creative. That can also turn into an excuse and something that I use to procrastinate which I've also been working on this year. Um, that's an ADHD thing to the max. And then this office just becomes like a doom pile and I just

move things from one side to the to the other. I moved into the loft with Maddie

other. I moved into the loft with Maddie and that was great and and we didn't have very many issues there as far as moving things around and layouts, etc. We just both got so busy that it was

hard to to keep each other's schedules in line when we wanted to film stuff and and have meetings. And it just came to the point where like we needed our own spaces. And I miss I miss working with

spaces. And I miss I miss working with him every day. Every single day. He's

still across the street and I get to see him as much as possible which is amazing because he's my brother. I love him and that's great. But then I moved to a

that's great. But then I moved to a warehouse which I think was just too big. It was kind of like I tell people

big. It was kind of like I tell people it's like I made a beautiful prison.

That was right before COVID hit and I had I had wanted to make it like a bit of a co-working space and have people come and visit and clients come and do meetings and get a bunch of friends to work there which is why I invested in a

larger space. And then CO hit and none

larger space. And then CO hit and none of that happened. Uh, so in 2022, I I moved back to Main Street and we moved into this this little spot as it got uh built out. Now, my friend Andrew is next

built out. Now, my friend Andrew is next door, Andrew Wilson, who tattoos, and we've got a coffee shop in front. We've

got a coffee shop below, and there's tenants upstairs that I'm slowly starting to kind of curate and get some of my friends moved in, like my friend Chris, who just opened a typewriter shop upstairs. And and eventually the goal is

upstairs. And and eventually the goal is to get this to be some epic creative building where it's filled with awesome people doing amazing things. But I've

never really been happy with the layout in here. It's changed from thing to

in here. It's changed from thing to thing and it's I've taken inspiration from my friends and and different friends and and with that it's morphed into all sorts of versions of itself

that was never really me. Now I've got a friend who u is an interior designer. So

she she's amazing with designing spaces, drawings and architect drawings and and and then also decorating spaces. Uh her

name is Patty and I've worked with her in the past and uh I I brought her in here a few weeks ago and I just said, "Patty, fix this place." I've chipped away at it so much that I've chipped away at it soul and I feel like I just don't I don't know what it is anymore.

And much like we want people to hire us for our expertise in the craft and the field of photography and film, I wanted to hire her and and her expertise uh that is the craft of building spaces

that are unique to the people that exist inside them. And she came in here and I

inside them. And she came in here and I just said, "Roast me." And she went off in the best way. you know, that wall should never have been white. That desk

does not scream Peter McKinnon at all.

This art, some of this stuff needs to come down. I was like, go Patty, go. So,

come down. I was like, go Patty, go. So,

we've built a plan and she's put a plan in place and she's done new drawings and and we [music] are the ball is rolling.

This is actually one of the new tables that that arrived um as part of her plan. So, I will show you all that in

plan. So, I will show you all that in the new year. I told her it must be done before the middle of January because I want to hit the ground running and I don't want to miss a beat [music] because I'm super excited. So, I feel

like this is a new chapter in my life.

This is a new stage of my life [music] in many ways, personally and professionally. I'm excited. I'm excited

professionally. I'm excited. I'm excited

that you're here and I'm excited for next year and I'm excited for a lot of things that are going on and and I'm grateful. I'm grateful for for the

grateful. I'm grateful for for the things I've experienced, [music] for the the people that have been in my life, the people that are no longer in my life. I I sit here with gratitude. I

life. I I sit here with gratitude. I

just wanted to end things off with um a few updates that I thought you might find exciting. And this is a bit long-

find exciting. And this is a bit long- winded, but I kind of like doing these just [music] raw talks at the end of the year. You

know, I could have cut a highlight reel of all the fun things and places and cool [music] shots and stuff that I did this year and and that's fun to do, but I think all I had left this year, guys, was just wanting to sit down and tell

you that I love you. Merry Christmas,

happy holidays, all the things. Be safe,

hug your parents, [music] hug your loved ones, um tell the people that you haven't heard from in a while that you love them and that they're special to you, cuz there'll be a day where [music] you can't do that anymore.

And um it's important. It's important

that they know and it's important that you know that they know. So,

I'm telling you right now, I love you.

Thank you. And I'll see you in a few weeks. I'm not taking a I'm not taking a

weeks. I'm not taking a I'm not taking a massive break. We're going to get right

massive break. We're going to get right back at it. 2026, we're hitting the ground running. And uh I will see you

ground running. And uh I will see you very very soon.

[music] >> [music] [music]

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