Tinder Expert: “Insults Get MORE Dates!” Why Women Hate Nice Guys | Blaine Anderson

Today's guest has cracked the code to modern dating.

A lot of people go on a first date and they say like, "Oh, that person was really nice, but I just didn't feel the spark, so we just didn't have romantic chemistry." Screw the chemistry. Take

chemistry." Screw the chemistry. Take

the second date.

What started out as helping a few friends fix their Tinder profiles has turned into one of the most sought after dating programs on the internet.

Just being rich or just being tall or just being funny. Like any one of those things on their own probably isn't going to be enough for a woman to see you as boyfriend material.

Guiding everyone from shy software engineers to high-flying entrepreneurs.

She's become the go-to expert on confidence, charisma, and attraction.

How do you know if a woman wants you to approach her?

So, there's like green light, yellow light, red light. Green light is obviously like she's made eye contact with you multiple times. Maybe she's

even smiled. Go approach her.

In this episode, we'll dive into the traits that make men magnetic. unveil

her blueprint for mastering dating apps and explore the mistakes you're making on dates that instantly kill attraction.

And then there's the yellow light. Maybe

you can't catch her eye. Maybe there's

no opportunity to put yourself in her vicinity to gauge that interest. You

should absolutely still approach. And

then there's the red light.

Blaine Anderson, welcome to the Jack Neil podcast.

Thank you. I loved that intro. Can I

have you come around with me everywhere and introduce me? That was great.

Yeah, this is my friend Blaine. Uh

but yeah, guys, I hope this podcast serves as helping you navigate what you currently have and know what you currently need to work on uh in the dating market. And yeah, we have some

dating market. And yeah, we have some good stuff prepped. So Blaine, before we go into some of the more nuanced ideas of relationship dynamics, what's

modern dating look like in 2025? Like

how is it different today than it used to be in the past? Yeah, a lot has changed in dating in the past two years and in the past 20 years. So, you know,

you go back 20 years, we weren't meeting people online really at all or yeah, maybe that was like the very very beginning of it, but not really. And

then you even take that to two years ago and we see a huge difference in how people are relating to each other post pandemic. So what was already fastm

pandemic. So what was already fastm moving in terms of okay more people are meeting online was an exacerbated in 2020 2021 where now the it's really more

of the norm where people are meeting online and I think we're starting to see the pendulum swing back the other direction where people are getting very frustrated with the online dynamics and

are excited and curious to go to more in real life events and meet people offline but that's still very much a work in progress and then when you say online do you specifically I mean dating apps or just

like Instagram, Tik Tok.

Yeah everywhere.

Yeah, it's it's really interesting the post-pandemic thing. Um just seeing how

post-pandemic thing. Um just seeing how much people are in their homes more and kind of prioritize the online space. Uh

well, the pandemic also made everything you can do everything from your home now. Like if you really think about it,

now. Like if you really think about it, even pre- pandemic, I feel like you know Door Dash, Amazon, getting your groceries to your door, sure you could do it, but it was a lot less of a thing.

it was less popular where now it's almost the standard. It's more unique for someone to consistently go to the grocery store than just press a button and have their groceries arrive on their doorstep. And that is really across a

doorstep. And that is really across a lot of different aspects of people's lives, which is just greatly reducing the number of people they cross paths with. Some people might say, well, that

with. Some people might say, well, that what does that have to do with dating?

So, well, actually has a lot to do with both dating and then human interaction.

If you're not getting that face tof face interaction, if you're not becoming comfortable talking to people because you're always at your home and you're doing everything behind a screen, then when you do go out on a date or when you

do even go out to an event or to the bar with the hopes of meeting people, you're going to be in a much different mindset and have a lot less practice and experience than if you were going out to

do every aspect of your life, which is how it was 20 years ago and even more than it is now. was before the pandemic.

So, where do you see things going?

That's interesting because where I'd like to see things going is maybe not necessarily where they are. For better

or worse, the internet's not going anywhere. Convenience is not going

anywhere. Convenience is not going anywhere. Those things are always going

anywhere. Those things are always going to be in my opinion moving forward probably the defaults. But like I alluded to before, people are getting

sick of the reli like being so reliant on online from a dating perspective. So

I really do see it more of my clients, more of the men I work with making more of an effort to get out and it's part of the reason they come to me is like the people who are open to that and you know

go to events like you know there's like the DJ coffee sets in the morning and the run clubs and the hobbies and so I I am hopeful that people are starting to realize that you can't do everything

from behind a screen and sometimes the convenience is actually killing you rather than hurting you right I think the optimistic perspect perspective of this too is that like it's never been easier as a guy to date

women if you're the type of guy who's willing to like approach them in public and go to public spaces. Um

and I I've noticed that in my friend group. I mean I'm personally friends

group. I mean I'm personally friends with lots of uh social media guys who are just used to I don't know DMing girls and having girls DM them. Uh so when they go in person they're like a little

scared to approach. They're also younger to be fair, but uh when they do approach like girls are very excited. Like

they're like, "Oh, this isn't very common because it's not happening, right?"

Yeah. Like guys literally aren't approaching women. So when it does

approaching women. So when it does happen, it's like, "Wow, like he's so confident." Like that's really cool. So

confident." Like that's really cool. So

you're you do have the ability to stand out. If you just do that one thing well,

out. If you just do that one thing well, you stand out. And you mentioned like, "Oh, they're younger, so maybe like that's why." But unfortunately, unless

that's why." But unfortunately, unless you make an effort to really get good at approaching and rip off the band-aid and get out of your comfort zone, that's not something that just gets better with

age, especially if you've grown up having not having to meet people in real life because you have the access to the internet. If you, you know, looking back

internet. If you, you know, looking back historically for all of human existence, if you wanted to find a mate, if you wanted to find a partner, you had to do it in real life. There was no other

option. And now there is another option

option. And now there is another option and it's the easier option. You don't

even have to have pants on to do it sometimes, like most of the time if you're doing it from the comfort of your couch. So as humans, I think we default

couch. So as humans, I think we default to the path of least resistance.

Whether or not that's for the best.

Yeah. You said that men don't have a dating issue, they have a marketing issue. Uh at what point does marketing

issue. Uh at what point does marketing yourself turn into selling a lie?

Yeah. So, when I talk about what I do and describe myself as a dating coach, I say I'm going to teach you how to authentically market yourself because that's the key word, authentically. If

you are marketing something that isn't actually there and you know you're selling snake oil, then that might work to get you on the date. It might work to even get you a second date, but it's not

going to work to build lasting, meaningful relationships. So it's really

meaningful relationships. So it's really taking what you how I look at it is you want to take what you have and sometimes that requires polishing the product a little bit too. Sometimes that means you

know it's not just a marketing issue. It

might also be a bit of a product issue but assuming we get the product to a place where it can be attractive like then it becomes okay how do we market this and that's how you talk about yourself how you come across to women

and those are all very learnable skills on the marketing yourself portion. Uh

this is was just personal curiosity. I

think I heard you say this on ice coffee hour with Graham and Jack. Uh they're

good friends of mine. And I love that it was something along the lines of if you're just a guy who works out in works on business, then that's not like very attractive to women. Like you have to

have some hobbies. And I would assume uh I mean there's a lot of grind set stuff being pushed online. And I would guess that a lot of the viewers of this channel are guys who just work out and work on their business and maybe scroll

on social media a bit. Uh but like what is the importance of hobbies? Is it

absolutely necessary? And maybe like what are some attractive hobbies a guy could have?

Yeah. So I want to explain that a little bit more. The problem is if you're a guy

bit more. The problem is if you're a guy and all you do is go to work and go to the gym, go to work, go to the gym, it's not ne inherently a problem if you're fun and interesting and can have good

conversations, but it's a lot harder to be fun and interesting if you don't have anything outside of like work and gym to talk about because that's good for like one or two conversations, but you're not

very dynamic. Then, you know, if that's

very dynamic. Then, you know, if that's all of you're doing, you probably aren't going to have fun stories about a trip that you took or this funny thing that happened at your standup comedy class or the reasons that you got into yoga,

you're just not going to have a lot to talk about. And if you think about the

talk about. And if you think about the vin diagram of her interests and your interests, there might not be very many overlapping, which is going to lead to a deeper connection and meaningful conversation.

Right. And so you would say it's mostly about the conversation, less about like this girl's looking at uh this guy's life and she wants to participate in those hobbies necessarily.

You don't have to play pickle ball necessarily, but maybe you could talk about pickle ball.

Yeah. So there's a few reasons that I think it's important to have hobbies that you enjoy. One, they're going to be things that make you feel good. Guys who

typically feel best about themselves are good at something. And maybe you're good at work and you're good at the gym and that's enough for your confidence. But I

would also venture to say that just like having a couple things outside of or even one thing outside of work and gym that you are you're excited to do and you spend your time doing is probably going to make you a more confident

person and that's what maybe it's bowling, maybe it's like you're really good at painting. It literally doesn't matter what it is, but it's going to help boost your confidence. It's also

going to be things that you talk about on dates with women or as you're meeting women. And that goes to my point before

women. And that goes to my point before where it's like what are you gonna talk about? Like is it just work? like can't

about? Like is it just work? like can't

really talk about the gym that much. So,

it's like what's going to spark her interest and help her see like make you stand out in her eyes compared to the other guys she's talking to. There also

things you can potentially do with women. So, if you maybe you're at a

women. So, if you maybe you're at a third or fourth date and you really like hiking, so you take her on your favorite hike or you're really good at bowling like I said before, so you impress her at the bowling alley or you go to a hot

yoga class. Like if you don't have

yoga class. Like if you don't have anything to offer in terms of something interesting and fun to do, it makes getting to know each other a little more challenging and it just makes you feel

seem very flat.

What are like some specific hobbies for those guys who don't have them that are maybe wanting to optimize for relationships that could probably like those hobbies? Like what are those

those hobbies? Like what are those attractive hobbies?

Yeah. So I would say there's like a few buckets or categories of hobbies that you should consider. There's hobbies

that you're just doing for yourself that make you feel good. And that's a totally okay hobby to have. Then there's the hobbies that you might actually meet women at, which if you're not meeting a lot of women today or you want to give

yourself more opportunities to meet women in person, those are the things you should lean into. So that might be pel or paddle, it might be pickle ball, it might be yoga, it could be pilates, it could be run groups. It's places

women are hanging out. And then there's like the more kind of like sexy or attractive hobbies that women might be more impressed by. And that's going to vary woman to woman, but maybe you're

like really good at jiu-jitsu and like so you have like a ripped body and she finds it impressive that you could like fight off an attacker, you know? Maybe

you're into rock climbing or your hobby is travel or collecting vintage wines.

Like those might be things that are impressive to her because she has a specific interest in them. And that's

going to be more uh dependent on her and her interests. And like that's where

her interests. And like that's where you're looking for that vin diagram of things that you're both interested in.

And so I really encourage guys like don't think about just like oh what's going to be hot to a woman. Think about

okay what do I actually enjoy doing and what have I wanted to lean into and then is it one someplace I could potentially meet partners or is it two something that's going to be like fun and interesting to talk about or do with women.

Right.

Cuz if it's video games like the most common one.

Yeah. that might be something you really like to do, but it doesn't fall into either of the categories that you want to like have some hobbies in, which is like helping you meet women or helping you have fun things to do and talk about with women.

My advice for guys is probably like find a if you really like video games that much, find a video game that girls enjoy. I think the probably the one

enjoy. I think the probably the one right now is Mario Kart. Like I think any girl would be down to play Mario Kart or if you say you have like a Wii or something like a lot of people my age had Wis when they were kids.

Yeah. Um, I think like is if you can think of it as something that she would actually enjoy. I mean, what other games

actually enjoy. I mean, what other games would No, my advice is like put the controller down and like get outside.

Well, that's fair. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,

that's probably better.

Don't look for the video game that women like.

Yeah, maybe listen to Blade on that one.

Um, I mean, it's fine if you want to play video games here and there, but I wouldn't like trick yourself into thinking it's like Mario Kart's going to be an asset in your dating life.

So true. It's honestly a better hobby for a girl to have. Yeah, she wants to meet guys.

Yeah.

Blaine, you've coached thousands of men on dating, from engineers to entrepreneurs. Uh, what's the most

entrepreneurs. Uh, what's the most surprising thing you've learned about men after coaching so many? Hey, really

fast. Did you guys know that we started this podcast a little over a year ago?

And in that time, we've had the chance to sit down with some of the best entrepreneurs in the world. But

honestly, these conversations have kind of made me question everything I thought I knew about investing, saving money, or retirement. Growing up, I was taught,

retirement. Growing up, I was taught, put your money in a 401k, get a Roth IRA, and invest in the S&P 500. But what

I've realized recently is things are changing fast. Crypto's becoming really

changing fast. Crypto's becoming really mainstream. The S&P barely outpaces

mainstream. The S&P barely outpaces inflation, and I'm the guy that was investing in it for the past few years inside of his retirement account. That's

why I was so excited when I met the guys at it Capital. They let you invest in gold and cryptocurrency directly in your IRA, which I didn't even know was legal.

And if you have an existing Roth or 401k, you can transfer it over for no extra cost. You get all the tax

extra cost. You get all the tax advantages while getting to invest in assets that have way bigger upside and aren't tied directly to the dollar. With

just a small 1% transaction fee, you can buy Bitcoin, gold, even Fartcoin with a tax advantage retirement account. I'm

currently in the process of transferring my accounts over to their platform. But

if you guys want to do the same, go to iritrust capital.com/jacknele.

iritrust capital.com/jacknele.

Anyway, back to the podcast.

Yeah. One of the most surprising things is how really smart guys can often do the worst with women. So,

intelligent guys do worse with women.

Often times, yes. Or even successful guys because oftentimes the things that have led to them being successful or that make them intelligent actually hold them back in their dating lives. And

that's why often my clients aren't losers. Like sometimes people are like,

losers. Like sometimes people are like, "Oh, a guy who works at a dating coach must be a loser." And it's like absolutely not. My clients are amazing.

absolutely not. My clients are amazing.

They're usually have very they're very much thriving in the areas outside their dating life. And they come to me because

dating life. And they come to me because they want their dating life to stack up and be at the same level as their personal life and their career. And so

an example of this is being super focused and on top on top of a client or a sale or like something at work is is fruitful. And that can lead to great

fruitful. And that can lead to great results. Being super on top of a woman

results. Being super on top of a woman that you're dating and like responding to her text instantly and like badgering her for an answer back about something

is not going to be helpful. In fact,

it's going to make you seem needy and like you're seeking validation. And so

obviously that's like an extreme answer, but or an extreme example, but something maybe a little more or a little less obvious would be a lot of my clients are very analytical. They really think

very analytical. They really think through things. They think about things

through things. They think about things from different perspectives. What does

this mean? And again, at work when you're doing a business deal, like that's a very good way to be. But if

you're on a date and you're overthinking every response and everything you say or every text message she sends and like the meaning behind it, that's probably going to lead to an anxious attachment

style. and you uh you know rather than

style. and you uh you know rather than saying the fun flirty thing that was the first thing on your mind, you holding yourself back which is going to be harder to create uh a real connection with her.

That's really fascinating. Yeah, I think a lot of business guys want to scale something as quickly as possible and they like think about the relationships as scaling. They're like, "Oh, we need

as scaling. They're like, "Oh, we need to double down on this." I mean, I'm pretty guilty of that. like um like I was talking to a girl and I just like text her text her text her text her text

her and like already like planning on like marrying her um just off like just what she looks like, you know, and like what I assume that she is. Uh and

I'm like this probably isn't like the smartest way to approach this. Uh, do do these guys often like love bomb quote unquote would you say or um I don't know if that's I guess a

generalization of the guys I work with?

Certainly some can. Um, and so like by love bombing over texting, I think a way I would or something I see more rather than like love bombing because I think love when I think of love bombing it's

like I'm I I love you or like I'm so into you after the first date and like really verbalizing that to her. I think

something that's more common than necessarily doing that is just overinvestment. So what you just

overinvestment. So what you just described of like envisioning a future together based on her online profile.

You don't know this woman. Putting all

your eggs in one basket cuz you go on one great date as opposed to recognizing like this is still a stranger until you've really been on multiple dates, maybe three, maybe five dates. This is

just a stranger from the internet. And

if you are getting if you are catching feels for her at that point, you're probably overinvested. It's okay to be

probably overinvested. It's okay to be excited. It's okay to be like, "Oh, I'm

excited. It's okay to be like, "Oh, I'm interested in getting to know her more."

I'm not saying like don't have feelings, but the level your feelings and your level of investment should be at an appropriate level based on how much time you've spent together. And if you've

only spent a couple hours together, you don't know her enough to be thinking about your future in a serious way. This

is a fairly like uh red pill manosphere concept, but the whole idea of spinning plates. Uh have you are you familiar

plates. Uh have you are you familiar with this?

No.

It's like just the idea that like you date a couple women like you see this one on Tuesday, this one on Thursday.

And I know that's not your perspective when it comes to actually dating them.

But when it comes to like the talking stages, would you recommend like absolutely having like what's like the ideal number of women to be talking to at a time?

Yeah. I don't there's no like ideal amount because that depends on like your capacity and like maybe you're unemployed and you can talk to a few women at a time. Maybe you're really busy and it's like not realistic for you

to like be dating multiple women. But I

think like the reasoning behind this is what's important and it's that you don't want to put all of your eggs in any one basket. And by talking to multiple women

basket. And by talking to multiple women and dating multiple women at once, you are going to be less likely to emotionally overinvest in any one woman because okay, woman A doesn't get back

to you. That's fine cuz you have a date

to you. That's fine cuz you have a date with woman C on Friday anyway and you had a great date with women woman B last night. So, you're not going to be hung

night. So, you're not going to be hung up and get in your feelings about any one woman's reaction to you. And yeah,

to be clear, I'm not saying like be dating three women exclusively and they all think you're exclusive or you're down the road of a relationship with multiple women. But certainly if you've

multiple women. But certainly if you've just been on one, two, three dates, like you should be continuing to meet other people and that's going to help you also

not seem too available. Um, it's going to help you not seem too needy because you realistically know you have other options. I think the whole like texting

options. I think the whole like texting back girls instantly and uh becoming obsessive over them like I don't like guys who intentionally like wait time to text back girls. Like you should just

fill your life up and be so busy that that is just the way you live your life.

Exactly. If you have those hobbies that we were talking about and if you have other women you're also texting, you're just naturally going to have a more appropriate amount of time when you before texting any one woman back then

trying to like game it and be like, "Okay, well she waited 3 hours so I'm going to wait 4 hours." Like that's not what you want to be doing either. M it

might also be important to set standards early because if you absolutely give all your attention to one girl and you're a business owner and once you're at the point where you're actually dating her, you might be giving her less attention

over time and she feels like that was false marketing. But if you set it early

false marketing. But if you set it early that you're giving this amount of attention, this amount of time, this amount of energy, and then maybe you increase that over time, that's probably the healthier way to do that.

Well, you have boundaries and you have priorities because also what message does that send to a woman? you just met her and you text your wreck instantly all the time. You're totally available every night of the week. Like, you

barely know her. So, that literally tells her you don't have other options.

You don't have things going on in your life.

I will ask, what if it's a girl that has so many options? Like, should you give a bit more extra attention on the front end?

Like I've texted a girl and she will not text back till the next day and then she'll text me for like 30 minutes. Just

quick quick quick quick and then not text back for the next day. It's like

that kind of thing.

Yeah. So I would say that I mean whether or not she has a lot of options or she doesn't have a lot of options. I think

that's more of like she's available in that moment and that's like how a lot of guys text you know like okay we're on our phone right now so we're having a quick conversation but then you're off busy doing something else. Overall, if a

woman has like a lot of guys pursuing her, texting her more probably isn't going to like help you stand out. Being

the man she wants to be with is what's going to help you stand out. So, it's

like having the cool hobbies, being in good shape, being successful, being really confident, like whether or not you are giving her that extra oomph is going to have a lot less to do with it

than those other things I just mentioned.

I hate to ask this question. It's very

basic, but why do nice guys finish last?

Okay. No, I don't think it's a basic question because I think it's something that a lot of guys are seeing and I hear it all the time like women like [ __ ] Like they don't want a nice guy and like there is some truth to

that. And if you rewind and you look

that. And if you rewind and you look back at human history and you think about it from an evolutionary biology standpoint, is the woman going to be interested in the guy who's the caveman

even who's bending over backwards to help everybody else at the expense of himself? and not so sure about what he

himself? and not so sure about what he wants and putting everyone else's needs before his own, even people he barely knows. Or is she going to be attracted

knows. Or is she going to be attracted to the guy who goes after what he wants, who isn't scared about what other people think, who gets [ __ ] done. And some of the if you think about those qualities

in modern day, like there are guys who are bending over backwards. And there's

nothing wrong with being kind and being nice and, you know, nice and looking out for other people. But even in modern times, if you're doing that at the expense of yourself, if you don't have

boundaries and you're staying up late because a woman like is late and for the date or you are letting your boss walk all over you, those aren't attractive qualities for a woman. And it's not that

women like [ __ ] but they do like guys who are confident and assertive, and those can be traits that go along with being an [ __ ] So, the message is not be an [ __ ] it's you can be kind, but you can also

be confident and looking out for yourself. Like yes, if you're in a

yourself. Like yes, if you're in a relationship with someone, you might put them their needs before your own sometimes and you might bend you should probably bend over backwards for them sometimes because it's a give and take

and this person has earned that behavior from you. But if it's a woman you barely

from you. But if it's a woman you barely know and you are making sacrifices at of your at your own expense to go with what she wants to do or to make

sure you're catering to her needs. It's

again what does that tell her about you?

At what point does I guess the girl earn it or like what point like does she earn you bending over backwards for her?

Yeah, I think that like depends obviously on what we are talking about when we say bend over backwards like okay a woman um maybe you've been on a few dates with her and she has a flat tire so you come help her with it.

that's appropriate, you know, but if you've been, let's say you've never been on a date with her and she's canceled two times in a row and you're like, "Okay, well, how about like Saturday or I could also do Sunday or like if Monday works for you and you're like clearing

your schedule for her, that's an inappropriate amount of bending over backwards." So, it's like you can do

backwards." So, it's like you can do favors for people and you can help them and you can go out of your way and even things that aren't convenient for you, it just needs to match the level of investment she's also shown you. And if

it's like your girlfriend, you might go really out of your way for her, you know, and that's appropriate, but like that increases like how much you're going to bend over backwards increases

with how long you've been seeing each other, how much she's invested in you, how well you know each other, all of those things.

I like this one. What's a superficial object or accessory that might be effective on dates?

Ooh, that's a great question. I don't

think I've ever been asked that before.

Um, so it's probably going to again depend on the woman. That's why I feel like so many things that guys ask me are it's like they really want the answer that's going to work for everyone. But the

reality is like women have different preferences. I think a really um nice

preferences. I think a really um nice and when I say nice and I don't necessarily mean expensive but a nice watch can go a long way as an accessory

because it shows that you you probably are signaling like you're you've put thought into your outfit like you have picked out something that fits your

style and your needs maybe even touches on your um like your overall vibe or like what you're interested in. Like if

you're wearing kind of like a fancy more bling watch like in like that's those are things that are important to you.

Maybe you're wearing like a more outdoorsman watch like that signals that you spend time outside and are like rugged. You need something waterproof

rugged. You need something waterproof and something that can like you can go rock climbing with. I think it can signal a lot about your activities or interests outside of just dating and it shows thoughtfulness and hopefully that

you are punctual.

This might be pretty subjective, but what do you think a woman like looks at first? Like aside from like your face

first? Like aside from like your face and your hair and your eyes, like your posture.

Okay.

Your posture for sure. I cannot

emphasize enough how important posture is. If you are approaching a woman or if

is. If you are approaching a woman or if you're showing up to a date and your shoulders are hunched in and you're leaning forward, you're essentially rejecting yourself. Whereas, if you're

rejecting yourself. Whereas, if you're sitting up straight and your shoulders are back, you're exuding confidence. And

if you are confident, you you know, you think you are awesome.

You know, you bring a lot to the table whether or not she can see that is really none of your business, but you're showing up in a way that you know you deserve to be there.

My experience with this is that the guys who often kind of stand up straight and like walk around and have too much confidence or a little bit scary to women um and they're kind of like

intimidated by them see him as like a like a jock or a Chad or whatever you want to call it. Um, and that guys sometimes intentionally make themselves smaller with women. Uh, like do you

believe in that concept?

Not really. Like I I mean of course it's going to depend on like the person in the example. If you're like chest puffed

the example. If you're like chest puffed out like lumbering around with like a mean look on your face, like that's not going to do well. But if you smile and make eye contact, like if you're

standing up straight and you have your shoulders back and you're in good shape, like I don't think most women are going to be like like he's coming for me. It's

going to be like more like, damn, he looks really good.

What's a Tinder picture that is universally loved by women?

Loved.

Um, gosh, just something that is high quality and shows what you look like.

The bar is incredibly low when it comes to photos online. so low. So like I as part of um my coaching and the courses I

offer, we help guys with their dating app profiles. And so I've seen thousands

app profiles. And so I've seen thousands of profiles at this point. I have never once in my many years of doing this and thousands of profiles are reviewed had a profile sent to me and I'm like it's so

good. Keep it just like that.

good. Keep it just like that.

Never.

I have some for you today of my friends.

I have one that's really good. I don't

know if he sent it to me. It's the best one I've seen. Um, but continue.

No, I love that. Um, the vast majority and obviously there's some selection bias here. The guys who are coming to me

bias here. The guys who are coming to me are recognizing that their profiles are bad and they need help with it. But the

single most important thing is your photos because that's like the barrier to entry. If she doesn't if she can't

to entry. If she doesn't if she can't see what you look like and your photos are low quality, it's an automatic no.

But if you have a high quality photo and she can at least see what you look like, that's like table stakes for her looking at the rest of your profile. Okay, now

you have the the opportunity to say something clever or funny in your bio or prompts and get her get a little more attention from her and and so like the photo it it again the bar is just so

low. Just have something high quality.

low. Just have something high quality.

And when you say high quality, you don't mean like high quality camera. You just

mean like good lighting, iPhone, the iPhone, an iPhone is absolutely sufficient for getting a high enough quality photo. I actually tell most my

quality photo. I actually tell most my clients like, "Hey, you should probably just go do a pro photo shoot." But

that's less about the quality of the camera and more about the photographer knowing angles and being able to place them in the right background and having the lighting be right than anything else.

What dating apps and profiles like do you mainly work with is like the number one I mean I don't want you to endorse one but like is the most common one Hinge?

I would just I would say Hinge, Bumble, Tender, Rya and it kind of depends on the person's location.

How many Rya clients do you work with out of curiosity? a lot especially in my matchmaking business. Okay. So, I do um

matchmaking business. Okay. So, I do um coaching and courses and then I also have matchmaking and those are two like pretty different clients. Although

sometimes coaching clients do become matchmaking clients. But I'm very clear.

matchmaking clients. But I'm very clear.

It's like if you are struggling to get second dates or meet the women you're most interested in, then matchmaking is not a good avenue for you because you're just going to be paid to be rejected by

higher quality women, which is like not fun for anybody. And I feel like sometimes I'll have clients like who come to me and they're like, "I've worked with a matchmaker. I went on 10 dates and like I didn't get any second dates." And it's like, well, you first

dates." And it's like, well, you first should have been spending time making sure you know how to nail those dates and really speak confidently about yourself. You have talk tracks about who

yourself. You have talk tracks about who you are and where you're going and why you're interesting and build a build a life that women are going to be excited about. Because if you don't have those

about. Because if you don't have those things and then you're going on dates, especially if the matchmaker is doing their job and getting you on dates with beautiful intelligent welladjusted mature, available women, then those

women aren't going to want a guy who doesn't have like those other aspects.

Or maybe he is a really great guy, but he hasn't learned how to market himself.

Yeah, Rya is an interesting one. I've

never been on Rya. Um,

really?

Yeah.

You know about it?

Yeah. Yeah. I I've like had friends that are really or No, I've never had a guy friend that's been on Rya. I don't think any of my guy friends have like the referrals. So, if you want to help us

referrals. So, if you want to help us out but I get hit up all the time. I did a YouTube video like years ago about Rya, like reviewing it as a dating app, and I still get emails to this day being like,

"Can you get me on Rya?" And like, "No, I can't get you on Rya. Sorry." Um,

what's led to the most marriages would you say? Like Instagram, Rya, Hinge? Gh.

you say? Like Instagram, Rya, Hinge? Gh.

Like, not Rya. I think Ry has a lot of like people like there to just like look around.

Yeah. I don't know. Probably Hinge or Bumble. I feel like those have like

Bumble. I feel like those have like slightly more intent than some of the other ones. That's actually a curious

other ones. That's actually a curious question. I wonder like I bet like they

question. I wonder like I bet like they would both claim that theirs have led to the most relationships, you know?

Sure. Yeah.

What's the whole your philosophy on uh like should men just attract women or do they have to chase them?

So, I don't like the word chase, but I like the word pursue.

There are some guys who are just can sit back and the women are going to come to them. They will slide into their DMs.

them. They will slide into their DMs. They will be approached. That is a very very very small percentage of men.

Like one in a thousand or like one in a 100,000. What do you think?

100,000. What do you think?

I feel like it's probably like one in 10,000. you know, it's going to be the

10,000. you know, it's going to be the one that is like traditionally good-looking, who fits the narrow stereotype of what is like attractive to

most women, who also is putting himself in the right place at the right time.

Like, that guy could exist, but if he's not going out and he's not present on social media, then he won't have those opportunities anyway. Whereas

opportunities anyway. Whereas the vast majority of men are going to have to be the ones to approach and pursue if they want to meet women, if they want to go on dates. And you can

talk about I hear guys saying like that's not not fair. Like women don't have to do anything. And it's like okay, you can complain about that, but that's just not how human psychology and

evolution have worked for the vast majority of human history. Like the man has been the pursuer. You can look at that from the the perspective of like sperm and egg. Egg is the scarcer

resource. So women are going to have to

resource. So women are going to have to be more guarded and um they face the higher consequences and risks for procreating. So from that perspective

procreating. So from that perspective like they are the chooser and the man is going to be the pursuer and you see that amongst most mammals. So, it's like trying to

uh fight like human nature and be like, "Oh, like women should have to do some of the work too is a losing battle in my opinion and from what I've seen."

Do you think even guys that do attract women and don't have to chase them should still chase a woman or sorry, pursue?

Um, I don't know like should if they need to or not. you know,

like do you think the highest quality match for you is likely going to be a girl that you pursue?

That's an interesting question. Or could

like someone of a really high caliber No, I don't think it's like absolutely necessary because listen, especially in modern times, like there are women who are going to be the ones saying hello

first or sliding into the guy's DMs. Like I know friends who have absolutely done that and are now dating. Um, so I don't think it's that, but I think that

is much more uncommon than the former, which is like the guy being the one to go out and pursue her or to find her. Or

even if the woman makes the first initial like pursuit, it's still probably going to be the guy who like picks up from there. So oftentimes, even

in the wild, in real life, a woman might give you the first indication of interest, even on a subconscious level from both parties where she's looking

over at the guy. She is giving a signal with eye contact or repeated body language, facing his direction, that she is interested. But then he is usually

is interested. But then he is usually the one who's actually going to do the part of walking over, saying hello, starting the conversation. And that's

not to say women shouldn't. Like for

women listening, like pursue guys, like approach guys. They will love that. And

approach guys. They will love that. And

I love that too. But it's just not the norm. And especially as a guy, if you're

norm. And especially as a guy, if you're waiting around for that to happen, like you'll probably be single a long time.

Yeah. Uh to be more specific and hone in on that point, how do you know if a woman wants you to approach her? Like uh

is it as simple as you put yourself in her space and she doesn't exit the space or is it like she looks at you a certain number of times? Like what would you say is that?

So those are both uh you know good green lights. There's like green light, yellow

lights. There's like green light, yellow light, red light. Let's think of it like that. Green light is obviously like

that. Green light is obviously like she's made eye contact with you multiple times. Maybe she's even smiled, waved at

times. Maybe she's even smiled, waved at you. Okay, that's like obvious like yes,

you. Okay, that's like obvious like yes, go approach her. That's going to be the rarest of the categories. Okay. We're

like moving down to like between yellow and red light. Like you said, you put yourself in her vicinity. You order a drink next to her at the bar and you instigate eye contact and she holds eye

contact and doesn't move away from you or doesn't turn her body away from you.

That's still probably a green light that like try approaching. You don't have to like know for certainty she wants you to approach before you do it. And then

there's the yellow light. Maybe you

can't catch her eye. maybe there's no opportunity to put yourself in her vicinity to gauge that interest. You

should absolutely, in my opinion, still approach in a respectful, confident way and find out if she's interested. You're

going to miss every shot you don't take.

And then there's the red light where it's like, okay, if you have like tried to catch her eye and she like looks away and like moves away from you at the bar, like that's probably like she's not interested and that's okay. There's

going to be plenty of women who aren't.

And just look for the next opportunity.

Yeah, it's so fascinating. I think most of my friends that I've had in the past will only uh approach a girl like if she has made eye contact with him more than

one time. And I do have one friend who's

one time. And I do have one friend who's like a sales guy like used to like do like door to door. Um and he's like, "Bro, what do you mean? Like she's not looking at us. We we just talk to them like no matter what the case."

More like him. Yeah. More of him. Like

could a girl uh like you and be interested without giving those signals?

Is that more common than it's not?

Absolutely. Because maybe she doesn't even notice you, right?

Maybe she's locked in on the conversation she's having. Maybe she's

focused on something else. Maybe she

doesn't even think you're that cute, but like your confidence and ability to approach her is what's going to make her say yes to the date because like that's going to be impressive from her. If

you're waiting for eye contact and you're only approaching when you get that, like sure that's a green light, but that doesn't mean you can't approach if you don't have that. Because I do hear that from clients often like I feel like I'm never no one's ever looking at

me. Women like aren't making eye contact

me. Women like aren't making eye contact and it's like that's okay. That's not

like the only way you can approach.

What kinds of compliments do women actually like to hear?

So I tend to be in the camp of giving comp recommending that you give compliments on things that she has picked or done

herself. So that might be her outfit,

herself. So that might be her outfit, her style, her energy, what she's really knowledgeable about. Like compliments

knowledgeable about. Like compliments don't even have to only be physical, especially if you're getting to know her. You could say something like, "Wow,

her. You could say something like, "Wow, your passion for World War II is like electric, you know, or like it's really impressive how knowledgeable you are about pugs." Like whatever it is that

about pugs." Like whatever it is that she's passionate about. Those are

obviously so random, but cuz that shows that you are listening and interested and impressed by things that aren't just something she was born with. Like, okay,

you're really beautiful. You're really

pretty. It's nice to hear that, but if she's like actually beautiful, like she's probably been hearing that on a regular basis since she was 12 years old. So, can you pick something that

old. So, can you pick something that she's developed for herself or that she's done herself, like her outfit, her style, um like her intelligence, like these are things that are going and then

one level past that is things that other people might not notice about her or might not have complimented her on again just because part of dating is standing out. And so if you're doing and saying

out. And so if you're doing and saying everything that other people have already said to her or what exactly what she expects, it's just going to be less interesting and she's going to feel less

emotional connection or emotional uh like feelings towards you.

I guess to dive into that a little bit more, like maybe like second date, third date, fourth date area, like what kinds of compliments uh should you be giving?

Should they still remain in that specific line or like at what point do you talk about maybe her looks?

Yeah. So, absolutely. I'm definitely not saying like don't compliment her on her looks cuz that's a lot of guys first move is like hey, I thought you were really pretty. I wanted to come and say hi.

pretty. I wanted to come and say hi.

Like is that actually okay as an opener I it's okay cuz you don't know anything about her yet. You know, you can't be like you

yet. You know, you can't be like you seem really smart cuz that's like okay [ __ ] Like you haven't even talked to me yet. So like the pretty line is like appropriate there. Or like you have great energy. You caught my eye. like

great energy. You caught my eye. like

that can work as well. But then as you're getting to know her, I think like in that first conversation, in that first date, showing that you are paying attention and you appreciate things about her besides her looks is

attractive. And then if things sort of

attractive. And then if things sort of swing back the other way as you're moving towards physicality and maybe like uh you know a kiss or later on like

sex, then she wants to feel desired. She

wants to feel sexy. She wants to feel attractive, especially if she's going to open up and, you know, be physical with you. So, that's when complimenting her

you. So, that's when complimenting her on physical things can be more appropriate and more helpful in terms of escalating the sexual connection. But,

you shouldn't be trying to esc You're probably not going to be escalating a sexual connection on a first date. Maybe

maybe like later on a first date.

There's plenty of first dates that have ended in sex and like those people end up together, you know, or like it's just a fun night. Like I'm not saying that that's a fail of a first date

necessarily, but if you're looking to build a lasting relationship, I think it's a good sort of like track to follow is like you have your opening compliment maybe, then you have you're noticing things about her that aren't

physical and then things swing back to like the physical uh category as you're moving towards physicality. What's

really interesting about your business and just your brand in general is I feel like a lot of men who are teaching dating, not all necessarily are just

teaching like hookup uh like how to sleep with as many girls as possible. Uh

like how do you kind of like maintain that standard in your clients and like kind of convince them that there's something uh else to this whole thing?

Yeah.

Yeah. I wouldn't say I'm doing any convincing. Like if someone most the

convincing. Like if someone most the guys who come to me are looking for more meaningful relationships and want to attract women based on who they are many

because like that the hookup culture hasn't felt good or hasn't worked for them in the past or they realize that doesn't actually even if they've accomplished that doesn't leave them feeling fulfilled with what they're

looking for.

So I defin I don't but it's ultimately like not really like my business. I

don't know. My advice is more it's not quick fixes. It's how you're going to

quick fixes. It's how you're going to get to know somebody to build a lasting relationship. So I feel like the guys

relationship. So I feel like the guys who are coming to me who are taking my courses who are investing in my coaching like they're already looking for that.

And is your avatar kind of like the first three months of dating? Like does

it really go past that and like maintaining? Yeah, it absolutely does

maintaining? Yeah, it absolutely does because whether a lot of the advice I'm giving and what I'm diving into, it's just as relevant on a first date as it is on a 40th date. If you're letting it

all go, your relationship probably isn't going to sustain and um continue to develop. So, I would say that yeah, it's

develop. So, I would say that yeah, it's it's not only about how you're going to meet and attract women you're excited about, but it's doing the selfwork and building the life that is going to allow

you to also sustain those relationships.

What's the fastest way to lose a woman's respect on a first date?

Not respect yourself.

So there are a lot of different ways that that could manifest and show up on a first date. But women I I always say like women have a sixth sense. They are

like really good readers of things that are happening even subconsciously on both sides. So if you don't respect

both sides. So if you don't respect yourself and you and that can often come in the form of lacking confidence or

the ability to set boundaries and um even speak about yourself in a positive way, then she's not going to respect you. So she especially if you met

you. So she especially if you met online, the only data points she has to pull from are what you're showing and telling her. So, if you aren't showing

telling her. So, if you aren't showing and telling her that you have respect for yourself, then there's just no way she's going to feel that way about you.

To narrow in on that, like what are some ultra specific things the guys do? Like,

is it like self-deprecating humor? Like,

what would you say?

I mean, self-deprecating humor in and of itself isn't a problem. It might be like funny and that's your sense of humor, but if you're like hammering in on that, like, yeah, it doesn't it's probably not very flattering. But even having the

very flattering. But even having the ability, and we touched on, we talked about this a little bit earlier, but marketing, getting more granular on that. Like, if you can't speak to who

that. Like, if you can't speak to who you are and why you enjoy what you do for work and why you love life and what your goals are for the future, then and

you can't show and tell her about those things, then she's going to be left wondering like, okay, why this guy over anybody else? Or why any of the other

anybody else? Or why any of the other guys I've been on a date with? Because

back to how women are the choosers. Like

top offunnel, women have a lot more options than men. Like you can, you know, you've probably seen people talking about this on social media, like you can upload as a like if you're a

woman on a dating app, you can upload a photo of like a tree and you will still get matches. And you as a man, you can

get matches. And you as a man, you can put time into your profile and if it's not great, you don't get matches. So

it's like with at the top of the funnel to st your goal as the guy is to stand out. So on a first date, you need to

out. So on a first date, you need to diff be different and differentiate yourself from the other guys she's either going out with or has options to go out with. So that comes down to how you're marketing yourself. How do you

talk about yourself? How do you talk about the future? And again, this isn't like I'm not saying, oh, you need to be like make you definitely shouldn't be making up stories about

yourself, but you shouldn't you don't need to be also like bragging or trying to impress her. It's just knowing yourself well enough to be able to speak about who you are and where you're

going. So, I refer to those as talk

going. So, I refer to those as talk tracks. So, like there's certain

tracks. So, like there's certain conversations and questions that are going to come up on every first, second, and third date. how you ended up in the city that you live in, why you do the job that you do, what you do for work,

like your maybe your family background.

It's a little bit dependent on age and where you are, like what those like common topics are going to be. You

should have answers prepared for those that shine you in a positive light. If

you can't, if you're kind of like, oh, like, yeah, I just like kind of ended up here. Um, a buddy lived here, so I moved

here. Um, a buddy lived here, so I moved here too.

that's not very that doesn't make you seem assertive or interesting. But if

you're like, "Yeah, I moved to LA to start a podcast and to invest in a or to work for a startup that was trying to, you know, send dogs to the moon." That's

like way more interesting.

How did you guess that? I'm joking. Um,

do you have you heard of like the Ford method before? I feel like this is super

method before? I feel like this is super old, but I think it's what I use subconsciously. It's just like uh

subconsciously. It's just like uh family occupation recreation and dreams. Oh, okay. You just you start with

Oh, okay. You just you start with family, then go occupation, recreation, dreams, and then you kind of cycle through it if the conversation like ends after that. Or it it works in dating,

after that. Or it it works in dating, too. It's like

too. It's like um okay, we haven't talked about our families in a while. We haven't talked about uh like our business in a while.

We haven't talked about our dreams, you know? Uh it's a pretty good framework,

know? Uh it's a pretty good framework, but I definitely like your I feel like those are topics that you would want to cover like on the first couple dates. What I would say is like

couple dates. What I would say is like whenever I hear cycling through, I get a little apprehensive because one of the problems I definitely see or mistakes I

see men make that I work with is cycling through questions or topics too quickly because they might be nervous and they want to like make sure they hit like, "Oh, I need to talk about this, this, and this." So, they're like jumping from

and this." So, they're like jumping from one question to the other. So, that's

why it can end up feeling like an interview, which is not what you want on a date.

Rather than okay, can I pull the conversational thread on any one question? So maybe your first question

question? So maybe your first question is about family. Oh, where did you you and your family live when you were growing up? She shares that. Oh, what

growing up? She shares that. Oh, what

did you like about that place? Do you

miss it? So like asking more questions about that one topic, you know, obviously you don't want to beat a dead horse. You don't want to like go too

horse. You don't want to like go too deep on any one thing, but before like jumping to like, oh, okay, now like what do you do for work after asking one question about the family? Yeah, I guess

what do women actually want to talk about on a date? Like we've covered that, but like I I think the common sentiment is that I don't know, guys have this opinion of women that uh they

just want to talk and like you sit there and listen and it's like 90% 10%, but I would guess that that's not really the case.

Yeah. So, I do tell my clients they should aim for 7030, keeping the woman talking 70% of the time. There have been studies that show people come away from

a date with a better perception of how it went the more that they talked. Um,

but the reality is I think a good conversation is more of like a 50/50 balance. Uh, but guarantee for the other

balance. Uh, but guarantee for the other person to say that wasn't a good date is if they don't get to talk that much.

Everyone likes talking about most people like talking about themselves. Um,

especially if you can get them talking about things that excite them and that are interesting to them, like that make them feel good, then they're going to leave the date with a good feeling.

I would guess that the first thing you talk about uh is likely not like conversational per se. It would likely be like kind of observant like, "Oh,

that's a weird duck over there." Um, and like trying to like kind of really be in the atmosphere. Like, how do you think

the atmosphere. Like, how do you think about that and what advice do you have for that?

So, I mean, I think that makes sense.

Like, definitely. And that's what I tell guys if like you're going blank and you're not sure like what to talk about.

Just say something about the environment. Make an observation because

environment. Make an observation because often times a conversation can come from that. So, that's a very good strategy if

that. So, that's a very good strategy if like you don't feel comfortable necessarily leading the conversation.

But outside of that, I don't think that there's any necessarily like one thing that women want to talk about, except they're going to want to get to know a bit about you and what is going to be

like the connection between the two of you. So, if you don't have anything, not

you. So, if you don't have anything, not that you have to have the same hobbies as a woman that you're going to date, but you probably have to have s some overlapping interests at least to like have good conversation. Maybe it's that

you both have a lot of siblings or that you both like to travel even if you've traveled to different places because otherwise like what are you going to talk about? Um but I wouldn't I would

talk about? Um but I wouldn't I would say that's going to be more dependent on like what you and I would focus more on like what you and that person have in common and less on like okay what is the

thing I need to talk about on a date that a woman is going to like. And

another thing that I a mistake I see like often the smart successful guys make is talking a lot about their job.

And that's very easy to do because they're really good at talking about it and it's easy for them to talk about and they know a lot about it and like she might be polite and ask some questions.

But even if she's showing and maybe you even have a really interesting job and she's showing interest in hearing about it, that's probably not going to leave her feeling a romantic or sexual connection. So, I'm not saying you can't

connection. So, I'm not saying you can't talk about your job and especially if you have an interesting job, like you have to end the conversation, but it's definitely something to be mindful of.

Are you talking about it because it's easy to talk about or and even if it is easy to talk about and she's interested in it, is it really allowing you to be flirty and fun and create a romantic

vibe? Because I don't know, a lot of

vibe? Because I don't know, a lot of like the nice guys and the guys I work with, they it's not that they're like going doing terrible things on dates and women are like, "Ew, oh my god, no."

It's that women are like, "You're a really nice guy. I just didn't feel the romantic connection."

romantic connection." I've noticed in my personal experience that women don't actually care too much about what you're saying about the job.

They just kind of like the idea of like you talking about the work itself. Like

they just like are attracted to like the intelligence that you show when you're speaking about it, but they're not like really listening to the details of like how your business works. I don't know.

Yeah. Or like maybe they aren't that interested in the details of how your business works. So, like you don't need

business works. So, like you don't need to get into like the minutia of like your managing style and like your sales funnel, but you're absolutely right. If

you're passionate about it and confident in it, that's going to be something that's attractive. And

likewise, if you're like, "Yeah, my job sucks." And you're okay, you're spending

sucks." And you're okay, you're spending 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, or however many how long you work like doing something that you don't like. like that

doesn't show a lot of pride in your time or like it doesn't show a lot of uh you know what's the word I'm looking for like investment in

like yourself if you're just willing to sit back and take that as opposed to like going out and building a life that really excites you. So again, I'm actually not saying like you have to have a really exciting amazing job to

date. Like you might be in a job that's

date. Like you might be in a job that's a stepping stone to something else. You

might be doing something that's you frankly don't like that much, but it's how you communicate about it.

Right.

So, how would you describe like this is kind of funny actually because I have a podcast and I'm a guy. I actually

get like made fun of by girls on dating apps. They're like, "Oh my god, another

apps. They're like, "Oh my god, another dude with a podcast." Like, how how would I turn that around?

Like, how would I frame them on a dating app or on a date?

I guess either or.

Yeah.

Yeah. So, I feel like on a dating app kind of getting ahead of it like and the self that's like where the self-deprecating humor could be helpful being like, "Yeah, I'm another guy with

a podcast, but how many guys also like and then like something interesting or funny about yourself.

Um, not necessarily like a flex, but like more something funny." Um, and then on dates, I think it's it's how you frame

it and like your excitement for it's like I mean I'm making this up because I don't know like the history of your podcast that well, but um something along the lines of like do you have another like this is your full-time

thing or like what's No.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, it's like yeah, I launched this podcast four years ago. Um I wasn't really sure where it was going to take me, but it's now become uh my full-time main focus. It's really incredible

main focus. It's really incredible because I've met uh all sorts of interesting people that I've previously really looked up to like XYZ and Blaine Anderson, the best dating coach and

matchmaker for men. And it's allowed me to travel to like, you know, interesting places and have great conversations. So,

it's like speaking about it with I think in with details and specifics that are going to be interesting to her and she can connect on as opposed to just like, "Yeah, I have a podcast." My go-to

recently has been I used to do true crime content before. Um, and like women typically have a fascination with true crime and I just I say, "Yeah, I used to do true crime content before." And

they're like, "Oh my god." And they just light up instantly because of that. Um,

but yeah, it's great. That sounds like it's working for

great. That sounds like it's working for you.

Yeah, it's been pretty effective, I would say. Um, cuz a lot of women don't

would say. Um, cuz a lot of women don't love to talk about business podcasts.

There are some, I'm sure, but not the ones I've been speaking to recently. Uh,

this is a random one. What does it mean if a girl likes your Instagram story?

Maybe nothing. So,

I have clients ask me this all the time.

Well, she liked my Instagram story. It's

like, yeah, but she didn't respond to your last text. So, like, let's look at that in the bigger picture context of everything else. Maybe it means she's

everything else. Maybe it means she's trying to get your attention. So, like,

okay, shoot her a DM, ask her out. like

ask her a question, see if she replies.

But if you've done those things and then she's also and like she hasn't replied and then she's liking your Instagram story, like it literally means nothing.

She could have done it on accident. She

could just be breadcrumbming you to sort of like keep you around and like get your attention. Or it could be that she

your attention. Or it could be that she actually wants your attention, but then it's like, okay, shoot one shot there, and if she doesn't reciprocate, move on.

Yeah. Yeah, I heard you say before like the easiest way to tell if a woman isn't into you is just ask them on a date and if they say no. Is that always the case

or are there some instances where it's like you kind of need to talk to her a bit more, call her, set up a situation that isn't so pressuring? Like I I feel like a one-on-one date is a lot of

pressure for a woman to go on. And

that's why so many of them I've heard uh back out of these dates or delay them.

Yeah. So, absolutely. You touched on something there where it's like if you it depends where you met. So if you have been going back and forth with this woman and you're not sure if she likes

you, that's when it's like, okay, just ask her out and find out, you know, like get to the bottom of it. But if you don't know her yet, then you do want to and depending on where you met her, you do want to qualify her first. So let's

break that down. Let's say you're at a bar and you're never going to see this woman again. Okay, just ask her out and

woman again. Okay, just ask her out and get to the bottom. Like maybe you have like a 30- secondond conversation, but then you just ask her out because like that's your one shot and like you don't have the opportunity to get to know her

more. But let's say you share a mutual

more. But let's say you share a mutual friend group or you go you're in a class together where you get where you see her every single week. Those situations

which I call higher stigma where you or her may face consequences if it doesn't work out. Then you need to qualify her

work out. Then you need to qualify her more. So you want to talk to her and

more. So you want to talk to her and spend more time with her to make sure basically for lack of a better word the risk is worth the reward. So it's like

is it if you if things don't work out or the date is really bad like do you know each other well enough where you trust that the other person isn't going to make it weird or it's not going to like totally ruin the dynamic in the friend

group or now you have to see this person in class every week. So the higher the stigma, the place that you or the location that you share or how you know her, the more you need to get to know

her first. And so in some situations

her first. And so in some situations like sharing a friend group, actually just being friends first is a good starting point. And guys often say,

starting point. And guys often say, well, I don't want to get stuck in the friend zone, you know. But as long as you are building in the direction or you

are showing who you are as a man and you're being fun and flirty and you are showing that you have the things that she would want in someone she dates, like it doesn't mean it's guaranteed to work out in the relationship sense, but

that is actually going to give you a better chance of getting her on a date or exploring the romantic side of things than you just like asking right off the bat and her being like, "Oh, no, cuz I

don't want to jeopardize like the dynamic here.

Yeah, the friend zone is an interesting one. I think often times like you

one. I think often times like you wouldn't be in the friend zone if well like like the best way to maintain this is like you're not giving too much energy to this girl and uh she's

like the amount of energy that you give she reciprocates it in some way. So at

the very least if you are friends then it's a genuine friendship cuz I feel like the friend zone implies that she's just kind of using you for I don't know to do your uh to do her homework or uh give her attention or give her

compliments or something like that.

Exactly. where if you're genuinely friends then like hopefully both parties are also okay just like being friends.

You're not and from as the guy you're not just like using that as a stepping stone because you want something more from her.

What are some things a woman says when she has a crush on you? So, if a woman has a crush on you, it's more I mean, she might overtly say things like, "I

think you're funny. Like, I think you're cute. Like, I was thinking about you."

cute. Like, I was thinking about you."

Like, there's those obviously sort of like flirty things that she says, but even more than the exact words she uses.

I would pay attention to how she treats you and the amount of time and energy she invests in you. So, is she going out of her way to text you and check in? Is

she going out of her way to stand near you at a group event or at a bar or sit next to you in class? Is she making eye contact and smiling while you're speaking? Does she have open body

speaking? Does she have open body language as you guys are spending time together? I would pay close attention to

together? I would pay close attention to those things above and beyond even just the words that she's using because there are like the obvious words, but even without those, like she may still have a

crush on you if she's doing the other things. Can you think of any more

things. Can you think of any more phrases that might be common?

Yeah. So, what do I say? Um, I think you're funny. I think you're cute. I

you're funny. I think you're cute. I

love that shirt on you. You smell good.

You're so smart. Um,

is there anything that's not compliment about you? I mean, yeah, maybe she's

about you? I mean, yeah, maybe she's even teasing you. Like, maybe it's like um I'm trying to think of like a teasy example that like wouldn't be something complimentary. Like

complimentary. Like that's super common at least in Los Angeles is women lead with that. the

negging almost.

Yes, it is kind of funny that women neg more than guys here at least.

I feel like it's like more um like at this point like socially appropriate.

Like I don't know. I feel like for a guy to neg a girl it's like okay we all know what you're doing here and it like kind of lacks confidence. But like when a girl does it I think it's more like teasing. I feel like I don't know. Do

teasing. I feel like I don't know. Do

you have examples of like that happening to you?

Just whatever I'm wearing they're just like oh Mr. for this like uh like Mr. Curly hair like Mr. uh Dr. Pepper jacket is like a jacket I wear constantly. Mr.

Podcast. Oh, it's the guy with the podcast. Like that kind of stuff feels

podcast. Like that kind of stuff feels pretty common for me.

Nice bling.

Yeah. How do you tease a girl to make her like you?

So, I don't necessarily know that teasing her is going to make her like you, but it is one aspect that creates a fun and flirty dynamic to have like the

overall vibe or create the overall vibe that could allow her to like you. So,

it's like just cuz you tease her and make her laugh doesn't necessarily mean she's going to see you as boyfriend material. But if you can tease her and

material. But if you can tease her and make her laugh and be playful and you've demonstrated that you're high status and you've made her feel desired, then okay,

that's like, okay, she's like, now I could like explore this as a romantic relationship. And I think that's

relationship. And I think that's something guys forget. It's like, okay, just being rich or just being tall or just being funny. Uh, sometimes funny can be enough on its own, but like any

one of those things on their own probably isn't going to be enough for a woman to see you as boyfriend material or to want to be in a relationship with you. It might be enough for you to get

you. It might be enough for you to get your foot in the door, but then do you have the other things that she is looking for? And there's absolutely

looking for? And there's absolutely generalizations of like what all women are going to find attractive and look for. But then even one level deeper like

for. But then even one level deeper like that she is looking for that is going to make her like you.

I have some very modelesque male friends and I don't want to hurt their brands in any way, but I I will say that like they're all like fairly like 10 out of

10 guys looking and they don't do as well as you would think with women and some of them do better than the others even though they're less attractive. I think like looks probably

attractive. I think like looks probably only matter for like the first few seconds. Uh like when I'm initially

seconds. Uh like when I'm initially speaking to a woman and then it's just about how you carry the conversation from there and remain interesting. If

you had to give like one like north star for like a vibe you're trying to maintain like is it I go on this date or I approach this woman and we're just trying to have the most fun possible.

Like what would you say?

I would say are you fun to be around?

Yeah.

Because of course like she's going to need to get you to know you past that.

But if you're not fun to be around from the get-go, like she's probably not going to be interested in spending more time with you. Whereas, okay, so let's say you're not the most traditionally handsome man. If you're fun to be

handsome man. If you're fun to be around, she's absolutely still going to want to like stand next to you and talk to you at the bar. And then she might actually still want to go on the date with you and have that second date

because she feels good around you.

Whereas, if you're really handsome and tall, like, okay, she might have that drink with you, but is she going to go on the date with you? Maybe. Or maybe

she'll cancel last minute cuz she'd rather like stay at home with a face mask and her cat because like you weren't that fun to be around.

Yeah. How can you be more fun? Because

So, I actually I'm sure you're familiar with the whole uh I don't know what their program is called, but like mystery uh and like it's like the pickup artist.

Yeah. Yeah. I So, mystery is like wingman. His name is Beexter, older than

wingman. His name is Beexter, older than myself, but he does well with uh women my age, and he does like all these pickup artist tactics. But the reason I

think it works for him is because he's always trying to like maintain fun. Like

he'll like, I don't know, uh take off his tie and be like limbo, you know, like some like really cheesy move, but I guess it's just his energy about it.

Like how do you actually be more fun?

Yeah. Well, I think I mean that's like one example is like being kind of silly and gregarious and like doing or saying the thing that people aren't expecting, but that's not going to be every guy's style. That sounds like it's that guy's

style. That sounds like it's that guy's style and it works for him, but I would encourage guys to think about like what that means for them. There are like there's the um velvet rope guy, you know, who maybe does like and to

generalize here, he does well in the club. He's good at holding the attention

club. He's good at holding the attention of a crowd. He's charismatic, loud nightclub. Like he thrives. And then

nightclub. Like he thrives. And then

there's the fire pit guy. He does better in a small intimate group. He does

better where you can like have a real conversation. And both guys can do

conversation. And both guys can do equally well with women. But what I see guys getting wrong is like the fire pit guy who's like typically my client is using the velvet rope guy tactics or

locations as a way to meet women. And

that doesn't pay play to their strengths. So think like what fun is for

strengths. So think like what fun is for you and how you're going to be fun is super dependent on like your personality. what you find fun, the type

personality. what you find fun, the type of women you want to meet. And so like often times with like the fire pit guy when they're like spending time at the club, those aren't even the type of women who they're going to be able to

have good conversations with, make a meaningful connection, have a relationship with. So I think that's an

relationship with. So I think that's an important thing to think about. How can

I be fun? It's like don't try and fit into the box of somebody else.

Yeah.

Define that for yourself. And that might take some exploration. And I'm a huge fan of like taking a standup comedy class, taking an improv class, because those are things that are going to help anybody. They're going to help you think

anybody. They're going to help you think more on quicker on your feet, have like funny oneliners, make word or product associations based on what she says. Um,

so that's like good for anybody, but you don't if like whipping out your off your tie and like doing the limbo sounds like crazy for to you, it's like probably not your vibe.

Yeah. Where are the best places to meet high quality women? Yeah. So, I feel like so many of the things we t are talking about actually go back to that first conversation we had about hobbies

and investments and why it's important to have them because meeting a highquality woman that can happen anywhere, but you're going to be more

more successful most successful with a highquality woman at a hobby or interest area that you both share. So, absolutely

highquality women go to Airwan. really

hot women are at Whole Foods. Totally.

So, you could meet them there, but like what's the thing you're going to talk about with them? How are you going to create a connection with them? Some guys

can do it, but a lot of guys, especially if you struggle with conversation, if you're not that outgoing, it's going to be a lot harder. Whereas, if you pick up a hobby and you get really good at pickle ball or literally any else, and

like there's also, you know, high quality women at those locations, you have a built-in conversation topic. you

have something to connect over. You have

something you're both interested in. So,

the conversation becomes a lot more natural.

But what's the most common place that women hang out?

Yeah. Like

I guess if you're a guy who's looking for a girl who doesn't I can give some examples like a a girl who's going to make a good

wife, mother of your children, who's very beautiful. Uh like but I I think

very beautiful. Uh like but I I think the grocery store is a good example. I

would have no idea how to approach a girl in a grocery store. I would have no idea what to talk about, honestly. But,

uh, like, are there any other places that come to mind?

Yeah. Like, I mean, a run club, if someone's showing up to an 8 a.m. run

club, like that shows that they value health, fitness, they probably haven't gone out and gone wasted the night before. Those are qualities and that

before. Those are qualities and that would make a good mother or wife, presumably. Um,

presumably. Um, honestly, going out earlier in the morning is probably a good idea. Just

walking outside. How about like the mall?

Who's out and about? I don't know. Do

people go to the mall these days? Do you

go to the mall?

I mean, I I went recently and I noticed there was a lot of girls at the mall. Um

I guess I'm like I don't even think about like the traditional brickandmortar mall anymore as like a How old are you actually?

I'm 24. I just turned 24.

Oh wow. You are quite young today.

Uh like a week ago.

Okay. Well, happy belated birthday.

Thank you.

Um so I would say I mean if you went to the mall and you saw attractive women then like there you go. But again,

you're going to have that. It's like the same with the grocery store problem, right? It's like how what do I talk

right? It's like how what do I talk about? Like how do I approach you? And

about? Like how do I approach you? And

there's there like let's talk about some examples. You might use something that

examples. You might use something that she's looking at or holding as the conversation topic. So like you're both

conversation topic. So like you're both in the almond milk aisle and like she's like picked up an almond milk and you're like, "Oh, like is that a good one? Like

I'm completely overwhelmed. I'm like new to the almond milk uh world. Like is do you recommend that one?" And it's obviously just the opening point. Maybe

she's like, "Yeah, it's fine." And walks away. Okay, that's like not it. She's

away. Okay, that's like not it. She's

like, "Oh my god, yeah, and actually they have like a chocolate one and like there's also this other brand I like.

Okay, now she's showing some interest back. Like, cool. Well, um, as an almond

back. Like, cool. Well, um, as an almond milk connoisseur, like I would love to continue to pick your brain over drinks.

Like, what do you think of exchanging numbers?" Like, you're going to go for

numbers?" Like, you're going to go for it pretty quickly there cuz you're not going to stand there and try and get to know her in the almond milk aisle.

Um, you're just going to and then and that's like, okay, if she likes your vibe, if she likes that you were confident and approached her, she's going to say yes.

and if she's single and if not then it's like okay onwards.

Do you ask for the number or the Instagram?

Okay, so this is like such a topic of debate. I personally like I like asking

debate. I personally like I like asking for the phone number because it shows intent and like not the [ __ ] of like okay now we need to check each other out like and see each other's online presence like let's just like go on the

date and get to know each other. That

being said, there's two caveats here.

One is like some women might be more comfortable giving their Instagram, which like I actually find interesting because I wouldn't be because it's much more of like a lifeline to you, especially if you have a public profile

where they can follow along forever versus a phone number where you can just like they just want a free follower usually.

So, and then that's often it as well.

Yeah.

Um, so or or the second caveat here is like if you feel like your Instagram is going to help you, which might be the case for like you, but isn't the case for most guys, then you're better off

just going for the phone number, exchanging the details and like asking her out on a date where Instagram is like another unnecessary step for her to like see a bad photo of you.

What's a sign that your Instagram is like like you should be asking for phone numbers instead?

Yeah.

You no one ever DMs you on Instagram?

It's fair. I've given that advice before. I'm like, "Bro, you're not

before. I'm like, "Bro, you're not getting girls because you're DMing them.

Like, you should get their numbers instead."

instead." Yeah. Well, and it just is a lot lower

Yeah. Well, and it just is a lot lower intent. It gives like a I don't know. I

intent. It gives like a I don't know. I

mean now like people are more like on top of maybe like checking their DMs than they used to be, but it feels very like the phone number feels more intentional and more serious like, "Hey,

I'm getting your phone number to take you on a date, not to like check out your bikini pics or like see who else follows you."

follows you." A lot of my friends ask for emails.

What?

Just as a joke.

Um like, "Can I get your email?" And then she's like, "Huh?"

Yeah. Yeah. And then they usually give it. Um, but nope. Like they don't check

it. Um, but nope. Like they don't check their email. So, totally forget about

their email. So, totally forget about it. So, it doesn't work. Okay, before we

it. So, it doesn't work. Okay, before we go into some other questions, maybe we should check out some dating profiles that I got sent by uh some followers of this podcast or maybe just close

friends. And guys, we will review my

friends. And guys, we will review my dating profile as well.

Wow, I love it.

I'm screen recording this.

Okay. Um, this is a very like blue steel look for his first photo.

Blue Steel.

Have you seen Zoolander?

No.

Oh, wow. Did I just like really age myself? You haven't seen

myself? You haven't seen I think it's I think it's popular among other people. I'm just not a big movie

other people. I'm just not a big movie person.

Okay. So, just like that kind of like smoldering model look. Like he looks like he thinks he's hot here, which like Okay, I want to see what other photos he has. Like I'm probably if I see this

has. Like I'm probably if I see this photo as a woman, I'm probably going to keep looking. I don't love this. Let's

keep looking. I don't love this. Let's

debate this topic. Cat or dogs. It's

like, okay, like that's pretty basic and like uninteresting. I would rather

like uninteresting. I would rather debate something more obscure. Like,

yeah, that's wild. I don't know why it has This is a good friend of mine.

Okay.

Uh um pre-law student. Okay. Speaks three

languages. He's figuring out his dating goals. That gives [ __ ] boy energy to me.

goals. That gives [ __ ] boy energy to me.

But okay, I might put something else as that.

That's wild.

As that one. Okay. Here. Okay. Here's

like another like very blue steel model look. Like now at this point I'm like,

look. Like now at this point I'm like, you know, his first two photos he's like not smiling looking at the camera. He

has great hair. Um, okay. Here's like

another one with a car.

What do you think of showing off cars? I

feel like that's okay on Instagram.

Yeah, I'm not a huge fan. I actually

gave We talked about I talked about this with Jack and Graham. Like I'm pretty like no on the cars. Um,

together we could delete this thing.

Such a basic prompt that's like used by other people. Um, the way to win me over

other people. Um, the way to win me over is Swedish Fish. Okay. I know nothing about this guy.

Yeah.

Cats or dogs? We could delete the dating app. And like you like Swedish Fish. I

app. And like you like Swedish Fish. I

have no idea how you spend your time, who you who you are, like what values you have. Like I'm not saying your

you have. Like I'm not saying your dating app should be a resume or like try and paint your life picture there, but it does need to have something interesting that is going to like help

you stand out against the other guys.

And he's like he's a good-looking guy, so I wouldn't be surprised if he does well and gets matches. Oh, we've got a shirtless photo. I his profile is giving

shirtless photo. I his profile is giving like I take myself very seriously.

This is like frankly my favorite photo.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Six. Photo of him with a cat on his chest as like a small boy playing a Nintendo. What are those called? The

Nintendo. What are those called? The

flip flippy ones.

Yeah. Yeah. Like a game boy or something.

Yeah. Game Boy. Um

would that be better? Like at a different level?

I like it last. Okay.

But I would say his like further up photos like I would love a smiling photo like somewhere here. He looks like fun and like flirty. He's really handsome obviously, but his photo like this is

the most smile he's giving as his first photo. So, I guess that is like the best

photo. So, I guess that is like the best first one he's got, but the rest are feel like, okay, you take yourself very seriously. I don't know. You can tell me

seriously. I don't know. You can tell me if that's like his actual vibe or not.

Uh, yeah, usually on on the front end with people. Um, what would you rate this

people. Um, what would you rate this profile out of 10?

Um, 6.5.

Got it. And then assuming like that's with the caveat that he's an attractive guy, he probably does better.

If this like was a less attractive guy, it probably wouldn't do that well.

Yes. Exactly. He's like probably doing fine cuz also he's younger. So like the women that's another call out. It's like

I would say the older older women to like late not old but like older than early 20s. They're going to be more

early 20s. They're going to be more intentional and like okay like I'm looking for someone who's clearly put effort into their profile because that's going to signal or be more likely to signal that they're going to put effort into a date in a relationship where I

think younger women are more likely to just be like okay he's hot. Yes.

And like maybe any like older women do that too. But then um

that too. But then um and I guess it depends on his dating goals which according to his profile he's still figuring out.

This one's a Tinder profile. Um

this is from Deir. Okay. So I'm

recording on. Yeah.

Okay. No, I hate this photo.

Absolutely hate it. Like the background is so bad. is like he looks like he's in like an airport terminal. He's got his like goofy little backpack on. His hair

is all messy. The lighting is bad. About

me. Help me get off this app. That's

like the same prompt that that other guy used.

You probably gave it to him. They're

friends.

Uh yeah, that's going to be a no. Um

okay, this photo I don't know. Is this

what he like normally dresses like?

Judging by your face, no, not really. He He's kind of a funny guy.

not really. He He's kind of a funny guy.

He's more of a funny guy.

Yeah. Okay. We still have bad lighting.

We still have a bad background. And he's

just giving kind of like eccentric outfit, which is like if that's you, like, okay, but if that's not you, you're probably going to like be turning off a lot of women.

Um, okay. Again, another terrible background. Just like No.

background. Just like No.

Oh my god. No. No.

Can I see? I haven't seen these photos.

So, this is just like I mean I would have said it's like an attractive face to be making and like the camera is really interesting.

It's random. Like what is this? The

bottom of a soup can or I guess that's like a beverage, but you can't even see what the beverage is. He looks like hung over or something. Like again, another terrible background. These were like all

terrible background. These were like all taken like inside of like a closet it seems like. Okay, here's like at

seems like. Okay, here's like at that was like two days ago.

This is like at the club. It's also

going to be a no. But see, like I feel like he is probably a cute, handsome guy in person and like none of these photos are giving that impression.

Is this his uh bearded dragon?

I guess so. Yeah.

I like love the idea of have him having a photo with his lizard, but uh I think he could do better here. Like better

lighting. Like that could be like a funny cheesy photo to have in your profile, but like it needs to be executed on a bit better. And then what is happening here? He's like playing

Sims. I think it's Minecraft.

Okay. Yeah.

Shows how much I know about video games.

That is like a hell no. I feel like he's like trolling us.

Yeah.

Um he's unemployed.

I still figure looking for Still figuring it out. These guys have a lot in common. Pets, reptile.

in common. Pets, reptile.

I think that's it for him.

He needs some work.

Oh gosh. Yeah, that is uh his name is Cookie King online. Um

Cookie King, you need help? Get in

touch.

Poor Cookie King. Um he's actually he actually does pretty well uh with girls in person cuz he's just such a fun guy, but I don't think he does too well on his dating apps.

And I feel like he's giving that energy in his profile. could see him being fun and like he could convey that with just like some better placed, higher quality photos and could probably do great online.

I'm scared to show you mine now.

Gosh. Okay, this is the Cookie King.

Okay, that's a cute photo.

Your hair's different now.

A little bit. Yeah,

the color.

Oh, is it blonder now?

Yeah, it's the summer.

Ah, that's Is that Do you dye it or is that your natural color?

Natural color. Yeah. Really?

I mean, I guess I'll put sun in in it in the summer if I'm being honest, but that's about it.

To blonde it up.

Yeah. Yeah.

Together we could play chess and get dumplings. I like that. It's specific.

dumplings. I like that. It's specific.

It's not like together we could like have a game night or eat food, you know?

It's like very specific. Chess and

dumplings. If she plays chess, if she likes dumplings, like there. Yes. Like

there's something to talk about. She's

going to be interested.

Um and you look very handsome in that first photo. Um,

first photo. Um, oh here's first guy with his smoldering look. I guess that's just his face. Hey.

Um, okay. I like this photo because if you're like paying attention, you can see you're in a podcast setup, but it's not like you like really cheesy like holding the mic, you

know?

Whoa.

Um, are you a dog person? Because I like this. You've got a crocodile and

this. You've got a crocodile and alligator. Is that real?

alligator. Is that real?

Yeah.

On your lap. I have like an unrealistic fear of crocodiles given I like don't live somewhere.

It was so freaky holding that thing. Oh

my god.

Is it like someone's pet? Like see I'm interested. Like I'm not even thinking

interested. Like I'm not even thinking about and I have questions. Like I want to know more. It's like that's the type of photo you want in your profile where it's like I want to know what's going on. Like whether or not like I even like

on. Like whether or not like I even like want to go on the date with you. Like I

have I want to know more.

That's probably the most replied to photo. And I have a good story about it.

photo. And I have a good story about it.

It's just I can't really share the story with people until I get to know them because it's like a an old Disney stars crocodile.

What? I have so many questions. Okay,

we'll talk about that later.

Um, you should not go out with me if you don't like getting psychoanalyzed. Okay,

I don't I like that. It like shows that you're going to like ask questions that you're going to want to know about them, which is certainly a complaint that women have is like, you didn't ask any questions about me.

That one's not bad. I could see that one being bad. But

being bad. But what that prompt?

Yeah, I don't think it's bad. I think it's going to be interesting to a certain type of person and it might turn some people off. But if that's like who you

people off. But if that's like who you are and how you are, then like the woman who's like, "Ew, I don't want that." is

probably not going to be a good fit for you anyway.

It would kind of stray away girls who don't want a smart sounding guy at least. Maybe. Okay.

least. Maybe. Okay.

Um Okay. Okay. I like this photo cuz it's showing off your outfit. Okay. It

shows you're like stylish. You're

intentional with your style. It's also

sort of like lightweight travel photo.

It looks like maybe maybe you're in Europe or some place.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

So, I like photos that show like it's not like oh you in the Eiffel Tower, but I'm still like picking up that like you went someplace, you know?

We'll get along if you enjoy learning spontaneous flights and deep convo. I

like this. I think it's very beneficial to have one prompt that's like a list of a couple things because you can get a lot into a very short amount of real estate on your profile. So, this is like

telling me that you are, you know, you're not I mean obviously like saying it is different than living it, but like you enjoy learning like that's something that you like to do. Like you are going

to want to pick up new hobbies potentially, learn new things, like be interested in things, spontaneous flights. Okay, you like to travel. Like

flights. Okay, you like to travel. Like

you probably have a flexible job. Deep

convos, which actually goes with your podcast photo, which is next. Like

you're interested in knowing more about people and like talking below the surface. So

surface. So it used to be uh instead of deep convos, it was an en like the sound of my voice and enjoy the sound of my voice cuz I was like making a podcast reference, but I was like lowkey makes me sound like

narcissistic.

I agree with that. I like deep convos more. Um, and then you've got like a

more. Um, and then you've got like a kind of candid podcast photo, which I like. And then

this last one is cool. It's kind of like artsy, like darker vibes.

What's the photo?

This one?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Um, so yeah. I mean, obviously as a content creator, like you have a leg up.

Like you you obviously you've been successful, so you understand like what makes a good photo, like what a hook is, like what's going to get somebody in.

So, I would expect your profile to maybe get better, but hey, great work.

Thank you. So, what would we rate uh the first guy? It was 6.5 out of 10.

first guy? It was 6.5 out of 10.

Yeah. 6.5 out of 10.

What was the second guy?

Two out of 10. And he only gets a two cuz I like the bearded dragon.

And what would we rate by?

You get a 10 out of 10.

Really?

I mean, I don't have any notes. I'm not

like Listen, you don't have I don't think like That's the first profile she's seen.

Yeah. Yeah. the first one that I said to have no notes on. I mean, I don't think I said to change anything cuz I don't think even making like a minor tweak is going to make the difference of like whether you get like any one girl

probably, you know, like you have a good enough profile that if a woman likes the way you look, she's going to swipe right and then it'll be about like, okay, do you have a good opener? Like, can you have a decent conversation to then get

on the date?

Yeah, I'm pretty bad at the uh openers cuz I usually just go with a high. Um,

and then you wait for her to say something or or like I'll like it, then she'll match and then I'll just say hi. And then if they don't respond to that, I'm just like that seems like

if they don't respond to high, like I I don't know. Like since I would say a certain percentage respond to high, like I'd be fine just weeding out those who wouldn't respond to high so I

can kind of gauge their level of interest. I don't know about that

interest. I don't know about that concept, though. That sort of goes back

concept, though. That sort of goes back to the question you asked about like pursuit and if you're just waiting for the inbound or like you're not going to get the women who are like, you know,

the next level or at like the highest.

That's true. Yeah.

Um level you could because I think there's plenty of women who would see your high as also a signal of lack of interest in them and it's like okay he

put forth no effort like onwards.

Interesting. Well, thank you for writing those. All right, let me see if I have I

those. All right, let me see if I have I don't really want to do one more, but let me see if he sent it.

No, he didn't. It It was the best one I've ever seen. He has like a tiger he's holding or like something ridiculous, but um Okay, so tigers, bearded dragons, and

crocodiles are um going to be helpful in getting attention from women online, it sounds like.

What are some things people say are red flags, but are actually pretty common?

[Music] things people say are red flags but are pretty common.

Like guys are like, "I don't want a girl who does this or does this," but like you're like, "This is ve very average."

Yeah. Well,

maybe it's like for a slightly older demographic than like you, but like guys who are like, "Oh, I don't want a girl who uh like wears too much makeup or has

like filler and Botox." And it's like, okay, if she's in her 30s and like even the women who are like natural looking, like natural beauties have probably done some amount of maintenance or work. So,

I guess like that could be an example of something that a guy says is a red flag, but it's like pretty typical of most women. Um,

women. Um, I'm trying to How about in guys? Like what are some things girls say are red flags, but are pretty common?

I mean, there's like the obvious stuff like, okay, he has a fish photo or like he uses like a spe like a common line on a dating app. Like those are things that

are just like happening. But I wouldn't like I also wouldn't like call it like yeah, my women say it's a red flag, but I wouldn't agree that it's like a red flag just that he has a fish photo. The

reason guys have fish photos is cuz they never take photos of themselves and they happen to catch a fish. So like their buddy was like, "Dude, photo." and they like take the photo and that's just like one of the six photos they were able to

scrge up above themselves.

Yeah. I'm from Kentucky so it's like I think every man on their dating profile has like a fish photo cuz it's like one of the only things you could do or like them holding up a dead deer carcass.

Yeah. Which is like doesn't perform well espe Well, I guess it depends where you are but like certain Kentucky it's probably like we want the performing.

Um I know I said I was done with the dating apps but what's your favorite opener on a dating app? Is it something specific to their profile or is it is there a good general one?

How I what I advise is like come up with a few templated openers that you can use so you're not reinventing the wheel every single time,

but you are you are saying something specific to their profile within reason.

So, it might be something around like wine or pizza or a dog because like those are things that are commonly in profiles, but you can tailor it slightly to that their specific photo or prompt.

So, it's like it is tailored and it feels like you took the time to look at her profile, but as the guy, you're not like spending 30 minutes coming up with it each time.

My favorite was uh what is it? So, we're

dating now.

Um, and it it's good because that like it's just such an easy like yes or no.

Uh, because and it's so easy to respond to either of those answers like yes, okay, well then let's set up a date.

Like it just goes straight to that conversation. Or if they say no. Um,

conversation. Or if they say no. Um,

it's like, "Sorry, I'm confused how Tinder works." And then you just like

Tinder works." And then you just like ask another question. Um,

but I'd say the problem with that one now is like it's been like I've seen that before.

Yeah. He stole my secrets, man. That's

what I used like years ago. Gosh. Uh,

are most men seeking connection or validation?

Oh, I mean, I don't think you can say most because there's plenty of both. You

know, in the billions of men out there and even the thousands of men I've worked with, although I would say my clients, they might come to me and they realize

through working together or through the courses like, "Oh, wow. I've like really approached dating previously from a po a place of seeking validation rather than connection. And I think that can eb and

connection. And I think that can eb and flow even in any one person like at different points in their life or even with a different woman they're interacting with. Like they might get in

interacting with. Like they might get in their head and like really be seeking validation from this like attractive woman as opposed to like seeking out connection but then they realize that and the next woman is like they're going more after connection. I don't know. I

wouldn't say that I can generalize like most men are like falling into one category or the other.

How about this? What type of men that you work with do the best? Like is there one trait that they all have?

Perseverance and iteration like especially if you come like listen if you're smoking it online and like you have your choice of women and you are always getting second and third dates like those aren't my

clients. Those might be my matchmaking

clients. Those might be my matchmaking clients. Like my matchmaking clients are

clients. Like my matchmaking clients are very different than my coaching clients.

But if you're coming to me because you've ident if you're coming to me for coaching, you've identified that you're not getting the results that you want.

And so that means like you know you need to do something differently. And I can tell I can give you a lot of principles like some of which we've covered today and like we can go over tactical things

to do online and to build your profile and to approach women. But there's no cookie cutter. Like I will give you

cookie cutter. Like I will give you formulas, but those formulas require AB testing and seeing what works for you and the locations that work for you based on who you are and who you want to

attract. And if you try something one

attract. And if you try something one time, anything in your life, but I'm speaking about dating in particular here, once and it doesn't work, you approach a girl and she's not interested or she blows you off like, and then you

give up because it's not going to work, you're not going to have success. But my

clients who approach one woman a day and AB test their first photo on their dating app and try different first date locations to see like which is the most fun and they feel the most comfortable

and like those are the clients who do the best.

I think I have to ask about the business. I think it's killing me too

business. I think it's killing me too much. Um

much. Um I'm more like I and this is fine to share but I'm more like hesitant to talk numbers. I don't know. Did you see my

numbers. I don't know. Did you see my Shark Tank episode? I like

shortcircuited on Shark Tank talking about my numbers around my business and like couldn't I can't even remember the exact question that they asked. And part

of that is because I'm like admittedly like not a big numbers person and there's like I haven't actually read the threads, but apparently there's some pretty like um like I don't even know

the right word like nasty threads on um Reddit like being like this girl doesn't like know math or like know her numbers.

And part of that is like, okay, first of all, I was like on a stage and like very nervous. And then part of it is like,

nervous. And then part of it is like, yeah, like I love doing what I do and I am really good at helping get men get results dating and I'm really good at matchmaking and like putting compatible

people together. Like I'm not crunching

people together. Like I'm not crunching numbers and like on the spreadsheet like you know on my P&Ls like and my business does well and like I obviously Is it a creative first business? Like

did you have clients before you were making content?

Well, before I started creating content, I started my business. And my first step in creating my business was I went on dating apps. And it was during the

dating apps. And it was during the pandemic. And I made a dating app

pandemic. And I made a dating app profile that said, "I'm not here to date. I'm here to help you date better.

date. I'm here to help you date better.

Match with me if you want my free COVID 19 dating guide." And so then people would match with me and I would send I'd say, "Okay, what's your email? I'll send

you my free guide." And so then they would send me their guide. And then I would I like had like my drip series, but it was literally just like an Excel, you know, like an Excel sheet and I was like manually sending people emails

every 3 days, like marketing emails um giving advice and like anyone who showed sign of life and like replied to an email like should we get on the phone and talk about this? Like I'd love to hear more about your dating struggles.

I'd get them on the phone and chat with them about where their struggles were or or they were having and then I was like, "Oh, I actually have a course on this."

um I can like this is the things that are covered in my course. I hadn't made my course yet, but I before I made it, I wanted to understand if people would be willing to buy it. So, I sold my course

before ever making it and then I built the course and made the course around what people told me they were struggling with.

Good advice right there, guys. So many

people launch their products before testing if there's actually a market for it.

Exactly.

And but did you you said you ran ads for it as well? So then I think I did actually like run a few Facebook ads and that very quickly like it's very hard to run ads or at least at the time especially with the lack of knowledge I

had around dating because you just get flagged as like an escort service or whatever they think you are.

A that makes sense.

Um or like in a dating app. I'm like no I'm not a dating app. I'm selling a course about dating. And it's like what you know and then like I don't know running ads on anything is like what's your background? What was your business prior?

Um I worked in the travel industry.

Did you have a travel business or so? Yeah, I worked for myself, but I

so? Yeah, I worked for myself, but I like worked under the umbrella of like a larger travel company and I planned high-end luxury trips around the world.

So, like not related at all.

So, like were you like concierge type?

Yeah. So, like like like if I wanted to go on like a guy's trip to South Africa with 14 people like you would be the person that would set up all the things.

Yes. The flights and the reservations and the hotels and make the recommendations of where to go and design the days. So yeah, that's what I did before.

It's a great business.

I loved it.

Like that's an that's an interesting one. I've met like 50% girls who do that

one. I've met like 50% girls who do that and 50% guys who do that. Did you like book private jets for people? That kind

of thing, too.

Yeah.

Yeah. I have some friends who do that.

Um that's a good business. Yeah. I

traveled a ton in my 20s. I also worked for a company. Um I did operations for a company that planned trips around the world for people with the ability to work remotely. M

work remotely. M so um I spent 2 years living and working from a new city in a new country every single month which was like an incredible experience and I had so much

fun doing but isn't something I would want to do now in my 30s with a baby you know but it was like an absolute ball and like learned so much about logistics and operations and business and myself

and travel and like human nature in my 20s doing that.

It's really interesting. Yeah, it seems like you've crushed it. I'd love to know more about like your funnel and stuff.

That's like the nerdy uh [ __ ] but like what are the offers that you have?

Yeah. So, I my master class is the product I was just describing and that the I had, you know, like I got eight people to buy it before I created it.

And that's historically been my most popular product. It is a five module

popular product. It is a five module course based on my five E of dating.

Empathize embody embrace engage and execute. And um that product is like

execute. And um that product is like $1,200. Um, sometimes I have discounts

$1,200. Um, sometimes I have discounts that run like around $1,000.

Since then, I've created a few smaller courses. Texting operating system,

courses. Texting operating system, texting OS, Approach Academy, and online dating OS or online dating operating system. So, those are my lower priced

system. So, those are my lower priced products. I sell them between uh like,

products. I sell them between uh like, you know, sort of like depends where you find them, but they're like all under $150. And they're also included with my

$150. And they're also included with my larger master class at this point. So,

if you buy the master class, you get all of the smaller courses as well. Do you

do live events?

I don't do live events now.

Okay. Interesting.

Yeah. And then upwards from my master class, I offer one-on-one coaching. I

don't offer one-on-one coaching anymore, but early on it was obviously just me.

Um, and now I but now I have coaches on my team and I I'll I will work with occasional clients like from time to time, but I priced most people out of that. So, one-on-one coaching and then

that. So, one-on-one coaching and then um matchmaking. And that's actually the

um matchmaking. And that's actually the newest arm of my business, but like quickly the fastest growing high-end VIP matchmaking. Typical packages start

matchmaking. Typical packages start around 25K and up. Um, and

you have a sales team like No, not for I mean, yeah, I have like a head of operations like at my business now and I have like matchmakers on my

team, but for match making like I'm I do the consultations and the sales. Can you

sell your business or is it too attached to you?

You know, I mean, I'm sure I could, but it is like I would probably then have to work for somebody else. Like, I've had people hit me up about buying it. It's

like aqua hire.

Yeah. And it's like, no. Like, the

beauty like why I like what I mean, one of the many reasons I love what I do is I'm my own boss and I work for myself.

So, like never say never, but the right opportunity hasn't come ac. Have you

brought in like other female influencers to like market?

No, I haven't. I've um toyed with affiliate marketing and it's never like and maybe it's just cuz I haven't spent enough time there and like I'm not an expert there, but it's never really gone anywhere. People are like really like

anywhere. People are like really like people with big followings have been like really gung-ho. I'll like offer them a very generous like split and then it just like never really takes off. The

most effective thing I could think of, I was thinking about like how I would market your business if I was involved with it. Probably be just like a

with it. Probably be just like a physical copy of a book because Tik Tok shop has that whole feature. Um, and

then just mass girls or mass guys like, yo, this book like got me like on this amount of dates. I feel like it would crush. And then use the book as a lead

crush. And then use the book as a lead magnet to go into your funnel with like uh I don't know how the other guys do it. I

think it's like send me an email to here if you want to like learn more about this or like here's the website or here's a barcode to scan. Um but you can't really attach courses to Tik Tok shop. Um

shop. Um what do women mean when they say he just gave me the ick psychologically?

Yeah. That they're turned off that he did something that turned them off and made them not see him as a romantic partner. And like you can come back from

partner. And like you can come back from the ick sometimes. It depends how strong the ick

sometimes. It depends how strong the ick was, but it's basically saying like he did something unattractive.

I guess is there like any like biology to that you think? Like cuz it like really is a thing that you see like women like if a guy does something stupid all the time, women like will visually show like or you know

Yeah. Yeah, it's like the Taylor Swift

Yeah. Yeah, it's like the Taylor Swift clip at the Super Bowl where Travis Kelsey's like screaming into the microphone and like we won and she's like and everyone like was joking like,

"Oh my god, he totally just gave Taylor the ick." Um, so yeah, you definitely

the ick." Um, so yeah, you definitely can like visually see it. Um, but I think it's like a little bit overplayed these days where it's like it can also be used as almost like kind of like

joking like how I just described it with like Taylor Swift. It's like, okay, he did something that was like quote unattractive, but it's not necessarily like a deal breaker. It's like he was

doing something dumb. And it can be like, when I say like overplayed, it's like people can be very picky these days. So, it's like if you're going to

days. So, it's like if you're going to like get the ick because he like drives the wrong car, it's like you're really focusing on the wrong things in a relationship. In your podcast with Chris

relationship. In your podcast with Chris Williamson, it was a two-hour conversation and the word market was used 22 times and the word love was never used.

Do you believe love is real?

That's fascinating that that is um the our word choice in that podcast. Yeah, I

absolutely believe love is real.

Okay. I don't really have much to say about that. Uh

about that. Uh do you believe love is real?

I think people usually have different definitions of love. Uh I was talking about this with someone yesterday. I

used to think it was like a logical thing like uh this person is x high x level of attractiveness, x level IQ, like perfect match for me. Like we want these set of things, we have these

habits. This is what our days look like.

habits. This is what our days look like.

It makes sense. But now I kind of think it's a mixture of that plus like I love how I feel when I'm with this person, you know, like I enjoy spending time with this person. Um,

I think it's probably a healthy mix of those two things.

Yeah.

And then also sacrifice would be the third one. Like what are you willing to

third one. Like what are you willing to sacrifice for that person?

Yeah. I feel like well what you first described like their height like their stats sort of. I feel like that's more lust and like whether or not you're going to have that initial lust and

attraction for them. And then whether or not that can develop into love is part compatibility. What you described like

compatibility. What you described like are our days compatible? Do we enjoy doing the same things? Do we like spending time together? And then part also like biological. Do we do we have

that sort of unexplainable draw towards each other that click that chemistry? Um at least like from a

chemistry? Um at least like from a romantic perspective of love.

And then I think like unrelated to that like I recently had uh my first child. I

have a baby. And like that is like a love that is so strong like and so like this is love that I can't even describe.

And that's like obviously like from a biological standpoint like you need to feel that to like sacrifice you would sacrifice anything and everything to like have that have your your genes live

on. And like that was necessary you know

on. And like that was necessary you know for human evolution to like be willing to sacrifice yourself for somebody else.

And like whether or not you sacrifice yourself for your partner like isn't actually that helpful for like hum like maybe like maybe a lot of people would do that but that's not what's going to

keep species like you know going forward but like being able like being so willing to sacrifice anything and everything for your child keeps humans procreating.

That's interesting.

Huh?

That was a tangent.

Yeah. I I've never thought of it like that actually. I I'm usually under the

that actually. I I'm usually under the assumption that like men should like die for their woman or something like that, but uh I'm sure some would. And

I guess evolutionarily speaking, it doesn't make the most sense to do that.

Uh no, I think our instincts are to survive. And I would almost like hazard

survive. And I would almost like hazard to say your instinct, like sure, there is selfless love out there, but if it's like you and another person, like you're probably saving yourself first, unless

it's like your to your point like your wife. And definitely if it's your kid,

wife. And definitely if it's your kid, you're pro like 99% of people are saving their kid over themselves.

Why should men not sleep around in their 20s?

I don't inherently have a problem with men sleeping around because there is like an aspect of get it out of your system. Like see what you like, see what

system. Like see what you like, see what you don't like. Whether that's like sleeping around or just like going on a lot of dates, it does help you understand like what is going to make sense for you. Is it a requirement for

then having a successful relationship in your 30s? Definitely not. Are there

your 30s? Definitely not. Are there

downsides to it? Like contracting, you know, disease or impregnating someone you're not interested in or just um you know, then feeling like you need that validation to feel worthy because like

that's how you got your validation in your 20s. Sure. But I wouldn't say

your 20s. Sure. But I wouldn't say there's like a a rule of like whether you do or don't do this, it's going to dictate your future success in relationships.

I don't know. Pull that. I think there was a tweet that that I said you shouldn't sleep around.

Get it out of your system, aka sleep around in your 20s is bad advice for men because it's habit forming.

I know too many guys in their 30s or 40s who say they want to settle down and start families but in practice can't stop chasing Instagram thoughts.

Okay, so that's like what I said before where it's like it can lead to you like wait. So also for like

wait. So also for like whether it's a real or a tweet, it's like oftent times you're taking a very uh for it to be interesting and like

from a marketing perspective.

Yes. Exactly. You're making a vast generalization because that's what's going to like lead to people arguing about what you said and be interesting.

So, while it's absolutely true that some men in their 20s will, like I said before, then continue to seek that validation and not be able to settle down, there's the flip side of it where

it's like not necessarily having sex, but like just dating a lot of women can help you understand who you want to attract and like what's important to you in a relationship.

So, you're uh you just had a baby. Was it

boy or girl?

It's a girl.

It's a girl. If you have a son, like would you recommend them to like sleep with a bunch of people?

No. See, that's where it's like the difference is like don't you don't need to like sleep with a lot of people, but I would absolutely say meet a lot of people, date a lot of people, do a lot of things.

Um, so I guess like that's also where some of the nuances with the tweet. It's

like yeah, if you're like just trying to have sex with people, that's very different than, okay, I'm trying to get to know a lot of people and like see what I like.

What's the best piece of dating advice you've ever received or given?

So, I think the most important piece of dating advice to keep in mind whether you're a man or a woman is a requirement of somebody you pursue should be they

are also giving showing interest and giving you effort in return. So, for

example, if you're really into somebody, man or woman, and this person does not return the interest, that should be a non-starter for continuing to invest in them.

Tell me a little bit more.

So, look at for example, I recently had a client and he was really into this woman that he met at a bar. They oftentimes go to the same bar.

bar. They oftentimes go to the same bar.

It's like a neighborhood place. They

hang out. He's so into her. He's

convinced they have they have so much in common. They have the same interest.

common. They have the same interest.

They like to do the same things. They

would be perfect together if she just liked him back. But she didn't like him back. And it didn't matter that they had

back. And it didn't matter that they had all these things in common. and he w continued to invest in her and he continued to spend time thinking about

her and even pursuing her and you know because and he and his logic was okay well she hasn't explicitly told me no so I'm going to continue down this path

when the reality is her actions has had shown him everything he needed to know he wasn't returning the interest he wasn't reciprocating the effort and that alone should be enough for him to move

on and ironically him moving on would give him the best possible shot of her coming back around where if he continued to double down and invest, that's going to give her the ick

and it's going to push her away. And

that goes for men and women and I see both sexes do that. So, it's don't double down and invest in people who aren't reciprocating the interest.

I like that a lot. Last thing really quick, uh just do you have any hot takes recently?

M like something men do that pisses you off that they need to stop doing something about dating apps. Something

about what women do. I don't know.

Um my hot take is that you don't need to have sparks or chemistry to get to take a second date. So a lot of people go on a first date and they say like, "Oh, that person was really nice, but I just

didn't feel the sparks or we just didn't have romantic chemistry." Screw the chemistry. Give that a chance to grow.

chemistry. Give that a chance to grow.

We are so used to Disney movies and Hollywood saying like your eyes should meet and the firework works should go off and that's not realistic. And a lot of people are passing up people who

could be really great partners because both men and women are nervous on first dates. So if you had a good

dates. So if you had a good conversation, especially if you're looking for a long-term partner, if you had a good conversation and you found the person pleasant and interesting, take the second date and see what can

grow from there.

That was great. Was that a script or was that off the dome? That was good. That

was really good. Well, everyone, uh, this is the Jack Neil podcast. Where can

people find you?

Yeah, dating by Blaine, Instagram, YouTube, Tik Tok, uh, datingbylain.com.

I have coaching and I have matchmaking.

So, if you're looking for that amazing woman or if you want help finding that amazing woman on your own, hit me up and I would love to help.

Awesome. And then how do you spell Blaine? Just for all your

Blaine? Just for all your bl A I N E.

Perfect. Awesome. Thank you guys.

Thank you.

That was great.