Weekend Update: Picture of Stephen Hawking in Epstein Files Goes Viral - SNL

-A former Olympic athlete who promoted the run-walk-run strategy to running has died at the age of 80.

Cause of death was listed as run-walk-bus.

[ Laughter, groans ] -Paramount has won the bidding war to take over Warner Bros.-Discovery

after Netflix decided to not submit another offer.

Instead, Netflix spent an hour scrolling around for a new offer before giving up and going to bed.

[ Laughter ] A photo from the Epstein Files has gone viral, showing the late physicist Stephen Hawking lying between two women in bikinis, which brings me to my segment, "Hear Me Out."

[ Bombastic music plays ] [ Laughter ] Hear me out, okay?

You can't be mad at Stephen Hawking for being in this picture.

What was he supposed to do, walk away?

[ Laughter ] They basically trafficked him.

He had no choice but to, forgive the expression, roll with it.

And don't forget the most important thing Dr. Hawking taught us -- time is relative, so that means age is just a number.

Wait. Hold on. That's not...

[ Laughter, groans ] -This has been "Hear Me Out."

[ Laughter and applause ] [ Laughter ] -[ Laughing ] Oh, man.

A 70-year-old man is saying that he discovered he had a serious heart issue after getting an alert from his smart mattress.

While a regular mattress diagnosed my drinking problem with a big ol' wet spot.

[ Laughter ] -Thursday was National Small Dog Day, which is celebrated every February by hawks.

[ Laughter, audience exclaims ] -Today is the last day of Black History Month, sponsored by Tourettes.

[ Laughter, groans ] This show was for someone else.

[ Laughter ] -Some American Girl Doll collectors say they are upset with a new line of modern-era dolls that appear skinnier than previous dolls.

Skinnier? I mean, not with those cankles.

[ Laughter ] -Mm.

-Actress Amanda Seyfried revealed in an interview that, for a scene in her new movie, she used a prosthetic butthole.

Even more disturbing, the movie is "Stuart Little and the Forbidden Cave."

[ Laughter ]