what I've learned in friendships as a 24 year old (high maintenance, standards, harsh reality)

We should not take offense to people who don't want to be friends with us. Why do

I need to have them like me? Why don't I care about whether I like them? And you

cannot be friends with all [ __ ] hundred people in your life. It just

don't make sense. It might be carelessness, but it could also be that they don't really care.

Welcome back to my channel, guys. You

guys have been asking for a journal entry, and not going to lie, these days my brain hasn't really been working a lot. But I do think that moving here,

lot. But I do think that moving here, moving to New York, the topic of friendships, you know, it's a thing that I gain a lot of perspectives in and standards and preferences I have slowly change more and more as I get older. And

as a 24year-old sitting here, I feel like my standards and friendships has changed a lot when compared to when I was like 19 in college. So, I really want to make a video on that and talking about things I learned regarding friendships. And something that stayed

friendships. And something that stayed consistent ever since I was younger, even before I started content, it's just that I was never the type that needed a lot of friends. Maybe in college, I think that that was a phase where I was trying to reinvent myself and I was

trying to be more extroverted and trying to meet as many people as I can because I was in a new environment. I wanted to have a sense of belonging and I wanted to get to know as many people as I can.

But even in college, I think when co hit, I just narrowed down that group and also had more alone time. And I feel like that is just true to who I am as a person. I I don't want to say like

person. I I don't want to say like definitely that's like definitely who I [ __ ] am. You know, personally for me, I don't like getting associated with friend groups. I think that there

friend groups. I think that there definitely exist healthy friend groups out there. But personally for me, I just

out there. But personally for me, I just think that having so many different types of personalities in one group. I

think it's very possible for there to be drama, to be fallouts. And personally

for me, drama is just not one of the things I want to [ __ ] deal with.

Yeah. And I just want to talk about standards in people. I want to talk about things that I learned in my 24 years and friendships. I think being in New York, you truly meet a lot of people. And something that I learned the

people. And something that I learned the hard way is that I always think that like, oh, I'm like so good at reading people. I immediately know know what the

people. I immediately know know what the [ __ ] they are up to, what the [ __ ] they were thinking, like whether we're going to be compatible or not, just from the first time meeting. But the thing is that I think I'm so smart. I think I'm so smart, but honestly, it takes time to get to know someone. You don't get to

know the full picture until you get to know someone like a month in, two months in, a year in, maybe two years in, 3 years, and you don't know. And the truth is that one of the biggest things I've learned is that I like to be friends

with confident people. And you might be like, honestly, 19-year-old me probably would never think that. Like, who gives a [ __ ] Everyone's insecure. And I want to make a very strong preface to that because whenever I say this, people get very upset. They're like, "Oh, I have

very upset. They're like, "Oh, I have insecurities. I have things that I work

insecurities. I have things that I work on." And trust me too, I'm [ __ ]

on." And trust me too, I'm [ __ ] insecure too. Like I have my

insecure too. Like I have my insecurities. But it's very important

insecurities. But it's very important even to for me now I clock myself. I

clock myself when I get like insecure or when I like feel envy cuz I think jealousy and envy is a very very human trait. But you have to clock yourself.

trait. But you have to clock yourself.

And then another thing that I really want to say that I feel like people need to understand is that we should not take offense to people who don't want to be friends with us. Let me explain. The

reality in life is that you only have so much time in a day. And you cannot be friends with all [ __ ] hundred people in your life. It just don't make sense.

You can only develop true meaningful friendships with time. You cannot make deep meaningful friendships with everyone. That is just the truth in

everyone. That is just the truth in life. And so, especially when you have

life. And so, especially when you have access, especially living in a city like New York, you have access to so much [ __ ] people. Are you going to be friends with every single person? No.

So, you pick and choose. Just because

you don't want to be friends with someone, it does not mean that they are a bad person. And you shouldn't be like, "Oh, it's because I'm such a bad person." No, it's just because you don't

person." No, it's just because you don't vibe. And also preferences. People are

vibe. And also preferences. People are

allowed to have preferences. And so,

going back to confidence, one of the key things in life is just that I think it's very important for your friends to be happy for you, for friends to hold space for you. And you might be like, well,

for you. And you might be like, well, what what's so bad about being friends with insecure people? I think one of those things is that you don't really see it. You don't really see when

see it. You don't really see when someone's insecure and when someone doesn't feel good in their own skin. And

again, that's something that it's not necessarily their fault, but it's just you're allowed to have preferences. And

that's something that I realized like at the beginning it might not really show, but as slowly as time goes on, when people are not really confident in themselves, they might feel inferior to you. They might feel [ __ ] compared to

you. They might feel [ __ ] compared to you because you're so confident. You're

confident in what you do. You're

confident in in the work you make. And

that might threaten them. Cuz for me, I know what that feels like because I used to be very insecure as well. I still am, but I've gotten to the point where I clock myself and I look internally and I'm like, okay, that's just some [ __ ] I need to work on. You know, I feel

insecure about that because it's a projection of what I would really want to do, too, but I don't have the guts to do what I want to do. And I'm like, okay, maybe this is something I need to work on. I didn't have that ability back

work on. I didn't have that ability back then. And so, when people are insecure

then. And so, when people are insecure about themselves, when they don't feel good about themselves and you're friends with someone like that, they might not reach out to you. Why? Because they feel insecure. They might be like, oh,

insecure. They might be like, oh, because she doesn't have time for me.

She doesn't have it. But why don't you ask? But that's what an insecure person

ask? But that's what an insecure person would think. Like they're like, "Okay, I

would think. Like they're like, "Okay, I don't want to reach out." So, that's one of the things that happens. It's not

like they're a bad person, but I'm just saying that these are things that could happen. I personally don't like to

happen. I personally don't like to always be the one reaching out. And for

a very long time, I would always be the one reaching out cuz I'm like, you know, it's fine cuz I always tend to be like very much the giver. And I I've gotten accustomed to it, which is really bad.

And I'm always like, "Oh, it's fine.

It's fine." And then it got to the point where I'm like, "Wait, hold on. Why do I always have to be the one watering the plant in this friendship?" And that was like a wakeup call. Another one is like people pleasing. You know, you just want

people pleasing. You know, you just want to people please them because you're very insecure about showing who you are as a person. So you people please and trust me as a former people pleaser myself when I was younger it's just you want people to like you and I'll be so

honest I was never really showing my true self to others until you get older and and for me when I got like more confident I was like you know what I don't care it might sound really [ __ ] to you guys but honestly I don't care if

I come off a certain way like if you don't like me it's it's cool it's fine whatever it's just who I am like it's of course you don't want to be rude but it's also like I don't need to be extra extra nice it's not really necessary and so there also those instances where

people really people please you. They do

things to make you happy, to mold into certain things for you, for you to like them. It's almost a little bit

them. It's almost a little bit manipulative. And then as time goes on,

manipulative. And then as time goes on, they will grow to resent you. They will

grow to resent you because they always feel like, well, I always have to do things to please her. But then the thing is that nobody asks you to please them.

And that stems from insecurity. They

might put you on a pedestal and they might try to do certain things to make you like them. And so as time goes on, there's growing resentment. And I think it's one of those things where a confident person wouldn't do that. a

confident person will just show up as who they are and if you like them you like them you don't you don't that's why I think it's very important one of my green flags that I realized since moving here is authenticity it's just being authentically you these days when I see

people who are just overly nice and which is not really a bad thing but it's an energy sort of thing like I would rather you say what you like what you don't like I want you to be honest with me if you don't want to go to a certain

place we don't have to go I'd rather you tell me straightforward because it just saves us a lot of issues and trust me like for me communication is also a problem. But for me, I will tell you

problem. But for me, I will tell you like if I like something, if I don't like something. I think to build a

like something. I think to build a strong friendship is that you need to be there for each other. You need to have space for each other. So I personally think that I'm a very much an active

listener. One of my greatest pet peeves

listener. One of my greatest pet peeves is when people don't actively listen.

I'm sure we all heard of this and it's it's honestly it happens very often. You

know, you would talk about yourself, talk about your struggles and all that and then the person would just be like, "Oh, okay. All right. Anyways, this is

"Oh, okay. All right. Anyways, this is what happened to me. And then you would actively listen and be like, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry I happened that." And you ask questions. You listen. You ask more

ask questions. You listen. You ask more questions. And then afterwards, you talk

questions. And then afterwards, you talk about yourself and they're just like, "Oh yeah, okay. Anyways, talk about it."

Just, you know, it just feels very [ __ ] It might be carelessness, but it could also be that they don't really care.

They don't really care or they don't want to give you space to make you feel heard because they don't want to hear you. And I think that there's also times

you. And I think that there's also times where you get friends who secretly dislike you. They are very competitive.

dislike you. They are very competitive.

And I think among girls that makes me really sad. Ambition is not a bad thing.

really sad. Ambition is not a bad thing.

No, it's just that when you are competitive with your friends, it creates a very weird dynamic. Like, you

always need to one up them, but you can't really be happy for their success.

That's when there's a problem because like as a friend, you should be happy for your friends. And it makes having a friendship very challenging when it's always very competitive. It's hard to be friends with someone where you can't

mention your success or things that you have accomplished because it threatens them. You can visibly see that they're

them. You can visibly see that they're upset and it's very sad, honestly. And I

think something that I've learned recently is that I think that there was once where I felt like there was a friend who like you mention certain things you want to do like big goals you have and I think that I can see that she

looked visibly upset and we just literally didn't hang out at all. And I

realized that that was a sign of you know being very overly competitive but then we talked it out and then afterwards it was fine. But I think that when you see signs of competitiveness, those things are harder to change in my

opinion because when you're competitive, it's very hard to stop that. So

something that I learned is that when I see competitive nature, I really don't want to engage in it because I just think that you should just be happy for your friends instead of like feeling threatened by you should be motivated by it like oh her hard work pays off like

she's so inspirational and being with people who are very ambitious, very disciplined. For me that serves as

disciplined. For me that serves as motivation. I'm like wow that is

motivation. I'm like wow that is possible. It's nice to be with people

possible. It's nice to be with people who you really admire and that's very important. I think that we should

important. I think that we should surround ourselves with people that we admire. Not like you want to become

admire. Not like you want to become them, but they you just share traits.

Like if both of you guys are disciplined, I think that surrounding yourself with disciplined people, it's going to make you feel better rather than being with people who are not that disciplined. Like yeah, maybe you know

disciplined. Like yeah, maybe you know there's other aspects of them where it could be fun. But of course, everything depends on context. But those are just some things I learned. And especially

you shouldn't be friends with people who there's traits that you don't like. For

me, I don't like gossiping. I think

there's a difference with gossiping and also just like sharing certain information. Like if somebody hurt you

information. Like if somebody hurt you and I would want to hear about it, but if we're gossiping people just to gossip, just to just air out people's information, I don't like that. That was

something that I feel like I had to deal with in New York. I don't like to hear other people's business, especially if it's none of my business. You know,

having a good tea session is fun and all, but it gets to the point where if you're sharing this information with me, just to show that you know that information about other people, just to make you seem more important, that's

really [ __ ] up. And that's a media red flag for me. I'm like, I don't want to know. I don't want to know. Like, I

know. I don't want to know. Like, I

don't want to be friends with you. If

you tell me this about someone else and we're not even this close, and even if we are close, it depends. I feel like if you're sharing this with me and only me, okay, fine, because you know my mouth is [ __ ] tight. But I know that you're

not sharing this just with me cuz we're not that [ __ ] close. And I'm sure that you tell this [ __ ] to other people and I don't trust you with my friendship because there's no trust. How can I build a friendship? And the thing is that constantly for me when you get into

a friend group, I don't think it's always like a choice. It's just like you know someone and then they invite you into and I guess maybe it is a choice. I

have always never been afraid to leave a friend group. And yes, it sucks

friend group. And yes, it sucks especially when you have a fallout with a friend. And I feel I'm always prepared

a friend. And I feel I'm always prepared for that. If I do have a fallout with a

for that. If I do have a fallout with a friend, I'll just leave the group rather than like having them pick sides or like stupid [ __ ] like that. And especially

when it's like when I know like the group known each other for longer period and I'm just a new addition. I've always

been okay with leaving the group like no hard feelings and also just like if I'm not cool with one person in the group. I

personally do not want to associate myself with the other group members because I just feel it can get very very messy. Like imagine like I got in a

messy. Like imagine like I got in a fight with Jessica and then Bob is friends with Jessica and Bob is also in the group. I'm not going to just

the group. I'm not going to just purposely hang out with Bob. Bob's gonna

talk about Jessica and Jessica might be like, "Oh, Bob, why are you hanging out with Via?" You know, it's just it's so

with Via?" You know, it's just it's so messy. I rather just be alone. I'd

messy. I rather just be alone. I'd

rather just be friends with nobody and just be in my space because like I've always thrived on being alone. I don't

like creating [ __ ] issues. I think

it'll cause unnecessary drama that I don't think is worth it. You guys might have different opinions, whatever, but personally for me, I just want to be like done. If I not cool with a person,

like done. If I not cool with a person, I don't want to deal with the rest. I

I'd rather leave. My point is that for me, I don't need to make new friends.

That might be a really hot take, but I'm very specific with the friends I make.

And if for me, I want to make friends where I feel like this is going to be a long-term friend. I've always said this.

long-term friend. I've always said this.

I don't care about acquaintances. I

think they're stupid. I think maybe acquaintances, yeah, maybe maybe for networking. Like there's just people

networking. Like there's just people that, you know, maybe in the work space, I get it. But other than that, like friends, friends, I view time as a very valuable thing. And I think it's like

valuable thing. And I think it's like there's nothing wrong with meeting new people, but I'm very selective with who I spend time with. And there's always the first meeting, right? The first

meeting I view it as just like to get the vibes. And then I think the second

the vibes. And then I think the second meeting is like a deliberate choice like, "Oh, I want to invest in this friendship." You know what I mean? Cuz

friendship." You know what I mean? Cuz

the first time when you hang out with someone, you don't really know what you're getting yourself into. And it's

kind of like a date, right? As if I've ever been on [ __ ] dates. But the

first time it's just you don't really know what's going on. I don't know anything about this person. And the

second time it's like, "Okay, I trust the vibes." And then you slowly slowly

the vibes." And then you slowly slowly get to know someone. And then maybe you guys become really good friends or maybe you just don't become friends because you realize something don't match up, right? And it's fine. And I think

right? And it's fine. And I think something that bothered me was that, well, this might be a little bit more vulnerable, but I feel like sometimes I'm like, is it because I'm being avoidant with certain things or because

I just have very high standards? This

has always been on my mind for a very long time. And you know, like I feel

long time. And you know, like I feel like one of my biggest downfalls is that I am not the best at communicating. You

know, when something bothers me, I don't communicate. But I do when it gets to a

communicate. But I do when it gets to a certain point, I do communicate. I do

communicate when I want to fix something. But when I don't want to fix

something. But when I don't want to fix something with someone, I don't communicate. Because for me, I don't see

communicate. Because for me, I don't see the point in putting in energy and time saying something to someone when there's nothing to fix anymore. Like I don't really want this relationship to continue. And I realize if I notice a

continue. And I realize if I notice a consistent pattern, I'm like, you know what? I give up. This is not worth it.

what? I give up. This is not worth it.

And you just slowly distance yourself off. So I think now I've gotten better

off. So I think now I've gotten better at it. I know that there's people who I

at it. I know that there's people who I would communicate with. And personally,

when I see signs where shit's not right, like shit's not sitting right or I feel disrespected or you just know that there's just something with the character, with the personality. Again,

I always say that when someone does something wrong, you can tell them that.

But when it's rooted in the personality of someone, it's difficult to change.

And I do not have the energy nor the capacity to go change someone. I don't

want to do that. Some people might have the mental capacity. Personally for me, I like to see results in people. I don't

really believe in potential because I don't like to wait for potential. I like

to see results. And maybe, yeah, you can say like maybe it's bad timing, but I do believe that I have seen people who can match up to my energy and can be very good friends. I'm not saying I'm [ __ ]

good friends. I'm not saying I'm [ __ ] perfect. Of course, I'm [ __ ] not. But

perfect. Of course, I'm [ __ ] not. But

for a lot of my good traits in myself, I never expected that in other people until I see it. And I have seen it. I

have seen people who can give me the same energy back. And those people that the pattern I've seen is that those are the people who are very confident themselves. They are very disciplined.

themselves. They are very disciplined.

They know what they want. They are very authentic. They show who they are. They

authentic. They show who they are. They

know that they're hot [ __ ] They are hot [ __ ] They look like hot [ __ ] They just know that they're the [ __ ] [ __ ] And I [ __ ] with people like that. I like to be with people who I'm like, "Wow, I really admire you. I admire you doing this. Like, you are disciplined."

this. Like, you are disciplined."

Because personally for me, I do realize that I'm a pretty disciplined person.

So, when I meet other people who are disciplined, like all I can say is like, "Fucking respect. I know how hard this

"Fucking respect. I know how hard this [ __ ] is." Your standards and friends build. The sad thing is that you don't

build. The sad thing is that you don't know immediately from the beginning. You

don't know if whether this friend is going to be the good, the one. It takes

time to get to know someone. And through

time, people's colors show. Through

times, you pick up little patterns. You

pick up little things. And sometimes, I think a lot of friendship breakups usually, at least for me, it's it's never because of one instance this happened. It's usually things that

happened. It's usually things that slowly build up. I have definitely through my friendships, I've learned a lot about myself. I definitely did things where I'm not the most proud of, where I'm like, "Oh, things could have ended better. Things could have ended a

ended better. Things could have ended a little differently if I just did something." But you know what's in the

something." But you know what's in the past is the past. And all the people who I are not friends with anymore. Like all

I can say is that I really wish the best for them. I don't have anyone that I

for them. I don't have anyone that I hate. They're just people who I would

hate. They're just people who I would not prefer to be friends anymore. I just

wish them good stuff. Don't wish ill on anyone. I just wish you good stuff. It's

anyone. I just wish you good stuff. It's

just that I'm not going to be there to see it. And that's fine. It's just that

see it. And that's fine. It's just that simple because I feel in life you just meet people. You just have seasonal

meet people. You just have seasonal friends that you see and you just cross path and like you guys go separate ways sometimes when you have friendship breakups. Yeah. It's awkward if you see

breakups. Yeah. It's awkward if you see them. me like, "No shit." But I think

them. me like, "No shit." But I think that maybe we should just start normalizing that. You know, I don't hate

normalizing that. You know, I don't hate you. I don't feel any way towards you.

you. I don't feel any way towards you.

It's just that we just don't vibe. And

that's okay. And it's also just like you have to understand that there's only so much time in the world in a day that you can invest in people. And some people you want to invest in and some people you don't. And like for me, it's like,

you don't. And like for me, it's like, yeah, sometimes, yeah, it hurts when I see people that I want to be friends with and they don't have time for me or they don't want to, but I move on because it's like it's that simple. And

something that I also had to realize is just like all your friends have flaws.

It's just depends on whether you're going to be okay with it or not. In

life, I always mention this, the hardest thing in life is that it's not black and white. You don't see things as black and

white. You don't see things as black and white. Everything depends on context.

white. Everything depends on context.

And it's in life, it's just that you have to see something that's gray. It

could be kind of light gray. It can be kind of dark gray. And you have to differentiate is this black or white?

You know, it's kind of like that. Do I

[ __ ] with this or do I not [ __ ] with this? And trust me, it it makes me want

this? And trust me, it it makes me want to pull my hair out when you have to deal with these like [ __ ] gray areas because how simple would it be for things to just be black and white, right? Like for me, I would love that.

right? Like for me, I would love that.

But sadly, that's just not how things are. So yeah, I think that you just have

are. So yeah, I think that you just have to look at the whole picture and just be like, has this person done me wrong? I

think one of the most important things is just knowing, does this friend wants the best for me? Is this friend actually treat me how I treat her? And I think it's very important for me to feel like

everything's being reciprocated. For a

very long time in my friendships, I've always been giving more, giving, giving, giving, giving, giving. And I never viewed that as like an issue. I never

was like, "Oh, why the [ __ ] am I always giving?" But it was always like that.

giving?" But it was always like that.

And then I slowly realized I can actually find people who can match me, who can match me how much I give to people. I don't want it to sound like,

people. I don't want it to sound like, oh, you're doing this just so people can do it for you. No, but at the same time, yes. I don't want to always be the one

yes. I don't want to always be the one reaching out to hang out to you. If I do this, I expect something back. If I

actively listen to you, I expect you to do the same back. If I'm always there for you, I expect for the same. Depends

on you. Some people are like, "Oh, I want to be like a lowmaintenance friend.

I don't want to seem like I have so much stuff." But like, you do you, boo. You

stuff." But like, you do you, boo. You

do you. You stand proudly of what you say. That's completely fine. But I don't

say. That's completely fine. But I don't think we should shame people who want a more highmaintenance friendship where you put in a lot of work into your friendships. Because for me, I like

friendships. Because for me, I like putting a lot of work into my friendships. And I I like receiving the

friendships. And I I like receiving the same back. And I just think that we all

same back. And I just think that we all have different preferences. And for a long time, I was I honestly did feel like, oh man, being too high maintenance, like what the hell? But I

met people who can return the same to me. It's just that you need to find

me. It's just that you need to find people who are on the same wavelength as you. And you have to find people who are

you. And you have to find people who are at a similar life stage as you. And

sometimes it's I'm not talking about age. Personally for me, I feel like I do

age. Personally for me, I feel like I do get along better with people who are older. That's just something I realized

older. That's just something I realized as time went on. And you know, it's just like when you're at the same life stage, there's more to connect. Friendships are

connections at the end of the day. And

it's easier to build that connection when you have something similar going on. I think I saw this one Tik Tok where

on. I think I saw this one Tik Tok where they mentioned that something that's more more valuable or like powerful than love is authenticity. To be able to be who you are truly. And that is something

for me I really want to work on like just to be authentically myself. And I

and I know like especially online like as much as I can. And that really does make me feel better about myself. That

is something that I value when I see in other people. You know that they're not

other people. You know that they're not being like authentic or saying things just to get something out of you or to be manipulative. You know that they're

be manipulative. You know that they're just being authentically themselves just to be authentically themselves. And that

is something I highly respect. And it

just goes with age. Like when you get older and older, you just realize you can catch [ __ ] real fast. You're

like, "Oh, what the [ __ ] is that?" You

just listen to what they're saying like, "Oh, okay. Why did she say that now?"

"Oh, okay. Why did she say that now?"

And these are usually things that you can pick up on the first time you meet someone. You're like, "Okay, maybe you

someone. You're like, "Okay, maybe you vibe with that. Maybe you don't vibe with that." Yeah. And it's just it's

with that." Yeah. And it's just it's just how things are. And honestly, I'd much rather just be at home laying in my bed watching Netflix. Cuz that's so much more entertaining than me standing here

being with you and you not hearing [ __ ] I say. It's just every single

I say. It's just every single conversation is geared towards you.

There's no space for me in this conversation at all. And I think it's also a form of selfrespect to realize that certain friendships aren't worth the time. I think having standards is

the time. I think having standards is very important and it's also just being okay with being alone is also very important because I think that when you're not okay with being alone, you deal with a lot more [ __ ] It's

always been like this. If you cannot provide value to my life, that sounds very transactional, but like you know what I mean? Like if you're subtracting something from my life, aka my energy all the time, you drain my energy after

I hang out, that's probably a sign that we should not be friends. Cuz I have a lot of fun being by myself. Like well,

not all the time. It was just a certain default. If you cannot beat this default

default. If you cannot beat this default of mine of me being alone, then no, I don't want to hang out with you. So,

yeah, I think that it's just how life is. And I don't think every single

is. And I don't think every single friendship breakup is like, "Oh my god, I slammed a door in your face and like, [ __ ] this, I'm leaving." You know, it can be very subtle. It can just be slowly fading out. But again, I always say this, it's always hard when the

friendship breakup is because incompatibility as a friend. That always

sucks, you know, because it's like they didn't do anything wrong, but it's just you're not you're not compatible as friends. And that has like shown up

friends. And that has like shown up multiple times that you guys are not compatible. And

compatible. And oh my god, that scared a [ __ ] me. Sorry,

my octopy just fell. I think that it's important to surround yourself with people that you admire, but at the same time, don't put your friends on pedestals. Everyone's human. You can

pedestals. Everyone's human. You can

have standards of people, but you shouldn't have expectation of how a person should act before you even get to know them. Like before you meet them,

know them. Like before you meet them, oh, I'm sure she's going to be wise.

She's going to be put together. You

know, that's how I've seen her, expected her. It's hard to be friends

her. It's hard to be friends authentically with a person like that because if you put your friend on a pedestal before you even meet them like, "Oh, I really want her to like me xyz."

And you go about it like that, you're going to grow a certain resentment towards her because you're like, "Oh, she's like nothing like I imagined." And

that's not her fault. You put on a pedestal. So, don't put your friends on

pedestal. So, don't put your friends on pedestals and engage with them like a real [ __ ] human being. Like, they

have flaws. They have they have good traits. They have certain things. Like,

traits. They have certain things. Like,

get to know a person. I think especially just when you make content and it's like when you be friends with other people like it's like it's like they've seen your content and I think that people expect you to act a certain way. They're

like, "Oh, she must be so wise. She must

be so put together." But let's be so [ __ ] for real. I'm a [ __ ] human being. And I've had instances where

being. And I've had instances where people feel like I don't meet the certain expectations. You don't seem to

certain expectations. You don't seem to be as wise as I thought. And I'm like, "Babe, when did I claim to be those things?" It's like almost like that

things?" It's like almost like that vision is broken that was created by you and then you put the responsibility onto me and you build resentment towards me.

It's very difficult. It's just it's not it's not a pleasant feeling. Which is

why I'm always like saying like don't put me on a pedestal. I don't ask to be put on a pedestal. Don't put me on that [ __ ] So for me it's so important. I

don't put other people on a [ __ ] pedestal. I get to know them for who

pedestal. I get to know them for who they are. And one of the things I

they are. And one of the things I realized as a performer people pleaser back then I would have a very hard time dealing with awkward silences and I would try to act certain ways to make people like me. But these days I feel like it's very important to just be

kind. You don't have to be like super

kind. You don't have to be like super nice. I'm going to be kind. I'm going to

nice. I'm going to be kind. I'm going to be a kind person and I'm just going to say what I say. I don't want to pretend.

I don't want to do too much. And I think it took a lot of confidence and self-reflecting for me to be here because I remember back then I was too scared to show up as who I am. I was

like, "Oh my god, I need to do more. I

need to do more. I need to do a lot for them to make sure they like me." But

like at the end, why do I need to have them like me? Why don't I care about whether I like them? That's basically

something that I wanted to share with you guys because one I know you guys have been wanting intern this is just some things that I realized I would hope my younger self to know that it's you know friendship itself is still a very

difficult topic to navigate because every person's different but those are just personal things that I realize that I have problems with when I interact with people and also things that you know things I'm not okay with and these

are some things I'm okay with and will that change in the future who knows maybe that is basically it for this journal entry Again, I don't know how often I'm going to be uploading these. I

feel like it's I've been on a consistent pattern where I like upload one video a month on this channel. I feel so sorry.

Sorry, guys. But I do upload very frequently on my main. Let me know what you guys think. These type of things are always open conversation. You know, I'm not sitting here to tell you to think this way. It's more of me just telling

this way. It's more of me just telling you that this is how I feel about certain things. I'm not pushing the idea

certain things. I'm not pushing the idea on to you. It's my channel with my my opinions, but you know, you can also have different thoughts and different opinions as well. So, yeah. Anyways,

okay. Once again, I hope you guys enjoy this video and I will see you guys all soon hopefully. Bye.

soon hopefully. Bye.

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