why 90s rom-coms feel more romantic than modern love stories

Is it just me or do '9s romcoms have a certain magic to them? Something that

today's romance books and movies seem to be missing. Every time I rewatch movies

be missing. Every time I rewatch movies like While You Were Sleeping, You've Got Mail, Sabrina, Green Card, Serendipity.

I feel like I'm watching a film from another world. a time before we started

another world. a time before we started catering to trends and book talk tropes and whatever is the hot new thing at the moment. These movies are not even that

moment. These movies are not even that old and yet they have this classic almost vintage quality that feels nothing like the love stories of this

generation. And as a romance writer who

generation. And as a romance writer who aspires to write books that feel like a Norah Efron film, I want to know what that is. I want to know what that magic

that is. I want to know what that magic ingredient is. So, that's what we're

ingredient is. So, that's what we're going to do in today's video. This is

going to be like a little bit of a rant, but a little bit of a story sleuththing mission. We're going to go full

mission. We're going to go full detective mode and see if we can uncover the hidden science behind what makes

'90s romcoms so good, so unforgettable, so timeless. Welcome back. If you're new

so timeless. Welcome back. If you're new here, I'm Abby and I help writers make their stories matter and make their author dreams come true. And if that's something you're on a mission to do, you're going to want to subscribe to

this channel. I would love to have you

this channel. I would love to have you here in the community. Okay, let's start with the big question. What is the difference between '9s romances and today's romances? There are a few

today's romances? There are a few differences. I've broken it down into

differences. I've broken it down into three. Number one difference is pretty

three. Number one difference is pretty obvious, and that is slow burn. If you

watch any of the '9s romcoms that I listed at the beginning of this video, which is my personal favorites list, you will notice that the relationship

progresses very slowly. The pacing is very, very slow. A lot of these movies don't even have a kiss until the very end, the last scene, the love

profession. And that doesn't make these

profession. And that doesn't make these films feel less romantic. Just the

opposite. It's actually more romantic.

There's more of a buildup. there's more

anticipation and there is more emotion. Now, I'm not saying we should all write romances where we have to wait till the last scene to see the characters finally kiss

and profess their love for each other, but I think it's an interesting difference to note. These films are not full of spice and full of just nothing

but sexual tension and chemistry.

They're not relying so heavily on the physical attraction as much as the emotional progression, emotional intimacy. It's really interesting to see

intimacy. It's really interesting to see how much emotional progress happens before that moment of payoff. The

dialogue is smarter, the characters feel more human and conflicted, and the relationship has time to actually develop emotionally before we turn up the heat on the chemistry burner. So

that's difference number one. Difference

number two, moral tension. I think the real difference between '9s romances and a lot of modern romances is not just the pacing of the relationship. It's not

just the slow burn. It's not just waiting until the end for the kiss scene. It's what the story is actually

scene. It's what the story is actually about beneath the layer of the romance.

In a lot of these older films, the characters are not just flirting or bickering or having these shallow, petty arguments to make them enemies to lovers. They're actually in conflict

lovers. They're actually in conflict with each other on a deeper level. Like

there's a moral dilemma at play. Their

belief systems are clashing, not just their personalities. For example, take

their personalities. For example, take my favorite '90s romcom, You've Got Mail. The romance works here because

Mail. The romance works here because Kathleen and Joe are on completely different ideological sides. Kathleen

believes in protecting her small family bookstore and the legacy of her mother.

Joe is the corporate bookstore guy who sees the whole thing as just a business.

It's a way to make money and he looks at it without any nuance. Whereas Kathleen

believes that there is heart and soul to selling books. It's not just about the

selling books. It's not just about the money for her. But I wouldn't expect you to understand anybody like that. You

with your theme park multi-level homogenize the world mochaccino land.

You've deluded yourself into thinking that you're some sort of benefactor bringing books to the masses. But no one will ever remember you, Joe Fox. You are

nothing but a suit.

>> So the tension here is not even romantic tension. It's moral tension. Their

tension. It's moral tension. Their

values are in conflict. Their worldview

is in conflict. And Joe eventually has to confront the reality that his choices have actually hurt someone he cares about. You see this kind of moral

about. You see this kind of moral dilemma conflict in other '90s romances, too. Another favorite of mine is in the

too. Another favorite of mine is in the film Sabrina where we have the characters of Sabrina and Lionus who are coming from completely different worlds and their relationship develops slowly

through deception, misunderstanding and eventually mutual understanding of each other. They both see the world very

other. They both see the world very differently and that shows up in their conversations with each other. It's not

just all bickering and romantic tension.

It's about their beliefs. It's about who they are as people.

>> Do you have a look out the window?

>> When I have time.

>> Well, what happened to all that time we saved taking the helicopter?

>> I'm storing it up.

>> No, you're not. And third difference is individual transformations outside of the romance. This is the holy grail of writing romance, you guys. If

you don't take anything away from this video, I want you to just take this one thing away from this video because this will single-handedly make your romances

just shine above everything else. It's

not about how the two characters get together. It's not just about

together. It's not just about attraction. It's about internal

attraction. It's about internal transformation on an individual level.

And without that internal transformation on an individual level, neither character changes. And the romance

character changes. And the romance doesn't even make sense. It doesn't even feel earned. So whether you're writing

feel earned. So whether you're writing enemies to lovers, best friends to lovers, strangers to lovers, whatever type of romance you're writing, the characters have to confront their beliefs, challenge each other's

assumptions, and ultimately see each other from a different perspective, change their mind throughout the course of the story. That's what makes a romance feel earned. A lot of modern

romances feel hollow and empty because they skip this stage entirely. They just

jump straight from attraction at first sight to chemistry to romantic escalation. And we never see these

escalation. And we never see these characters struggle internally. We never

see them grapple with moral differences, moral dilemmas, ideological differences and beliefs.

>> That was a sign fate's telling us to back off.

>> If fate didn't want us to be together, then then why did we meet tonight? Huh?

Gotcha.

>> Well, I don't know. But it's not an exact science. It's a feeling.

exact science. It's a feeling.

>> What if you're wrong? And it's important to know here when we're talking about internal transformation, it can't be magical. It can't be convenient. It

magical. It can't be convenient. It

can't be comfortable. It can't just be that the characters fall in love and love fixes them. Love solves all their problems. The guy shouldn't change just to get the girl. The girl shouldn't have

to shrink or compromise her needs in order to get the guy. Okay? They have to transform individually on their own separate journeys in order to both

arrive at a place where compatibility is inevitable. Because then without the

is inevitable. Because then without the internal transformation, they really don't belong together. So

now you might be wondering, "Okay, Abby, this is all fine and good, but what are the actual story ingredients here? Like

what can we actually do in our stories to make them feel like classic, timeless '90s romcoms?"

'90s romcoms?" >> I'm glad you asked. And there are actually many ingredients. And if you watch some of your favorite '90s romances, you will find these ingredients. I encourage you to do that.

ingredients. I encourage you to do that.

But ultimately, it boils down to scenes that are designed to break down walls.

So that could be long conversations where two characters are sharing some of their vulnerabilities and insecurities with each other, could be letters, could be emails, could be instant messages.

And a lot of these scenes where the characters are breaking down these emotional walls, they're not even romantic scenes. They're not even aware

romantic scenes. They're not even aware that they're falling in love with each other, but they're just slowly opening up and sharing some of those deeper

things about themselves. I'm thinking

about like those long conversations in While You Were Sleeping between Lucy and Jack and how they're sharing about their own hopes and dreams and some of their

fears. And on the surface, it's like

fears. And on the surface, it's like they're just having these casual conversations. Nothing super romantic,

conversations. Nothing super romantic, but at the same time, we're seeing those walls come down. Or think about some of the scenes in Green Card where Bronte

and George are forced to learn about each other's backstories in order to convince immigration officials that their marriage is real. Really, it's

just a marriage of convenience and they have to learn these facts about each other. But they're not just gathering

other. But they're not just gathering information. They're in the process of

information. They're in the process of starting to see each other as real people. people with vulnerabilities and

people. people with vulnerabilities and internal conflict. And of course, you've

internal conflict. And of course, you've got Male does a great job of this, too, because we have the vehicle of Joe and Kathleen talking to each other on the internet, not even knowing that in real

life they are business rivals, but on the internet, they can really like open up to each other and share about their difficulties and their personal struggles and get really vulnerable, not

knowing that they're actually sharing their deepest feelings with their sworn enemy. All of these scenes I just listed

enemy. All of these scenes I just listed are not romantic. They're not like bursting with sexual tension and chemistry, but something more important

is happening. Emotional intimacy, trust.

is happening. Emotional intimacy, trust.

That is a key pillar to any believable romance. And it's in these quiet moments

romance. And it's in these quiet moments that true intimacy is built. Cuz you can have like all the sexual tension in the world, but if you don't have this element, it's going to feel hollow. it's

going to feel empty and shallow. It's

rare to see a modern romance linger on that buildup, that emotional trust.

Okay, I've ranted for a while now, so let's move on to our four selfch check questions to ask yourself for writing timeless romance. Okay, before we move

timeless romance. Okay, before we move on to those self-check questions to ask yourself, I want to quickly let you know about a special live training that I'm

hosting this weekend called the anatomy of the slowburn romance. Writing

slowburn romance is tricky. You want the longing, the yearning, the chemistry, the tension, those almost kiss moments, but if you stretch it on too long, the story starts to drag. And if you rush

it, it doesn't feel earned. The truth

is, great romances are carefully designed so that every obstacle, every conflict pushes the relationship forward while keeping the reader hungry for more. And that's exactly what we're

more. And that's exactly what we're going to break down in this training.

You will learn what makes a slowburn romance actually work, how to create authentic romantic chemistry, and mistakes to avoid that kill chemistry,

how to build unbearable romantic tension and keep readers rooting for your characters. the key turning points of a

characters. the key turning points of a slowb burn relationship arc from meet cute to payoff and how to deliver a final love confession scene that feels

deeply satisfying. By the end of this

deeply satisfying. By the end of this training, you will understand how to craft a slowburn romance that feels emotionally compelling, engaging, and

impossible to put down. So, if you love stories with yearning and tension and unforgettable romantic payoffs, you're not going to want to miss this training.

Click the link below this video to save your spot. It's happening Sunday, March

your spot. It's happening Sunday, March 8th at 1:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

And if you can't make it to the live stream, you can always watch the replay after the fact just by clicking that link in the description. I will see you there. Let's get back into the video.

there. Let's get back into the video.

So, if you want your romance to feel a little more like a vintage, soulful '90s romcom and a little bit less like a trendy holo book talk trope, ask

yourself these four questions. Number

one, what deeper belief or worldview separates these two characters at the beginning of the story? This one

question alone will make your romance just top tier. Remember, great romances are not just about attraction. They're

not just about what's happening on the surface. They're about what's beneath

surface. They're about what's beneath the surface, the deeper beliefs and the ideological views, the moral dilemmas that these characters face. The tension

roots from what they believe, not just how they flirt. Question two, do these characters spend meaningful time together before the romance becomes

physical? Are there long conversations,

physical? Are there long conversations, shared experiences, maybe some awkward moments, maybe some moments where we break down the walls a little bit and we

get to see what these characters actually believe and think about the world and about themselves? Or are we just turning up the heat on the chemistry burner super quick? Give

yourself time. Pace yourself. Allow it

to be a slow burn. It doesn't have to happen quickly. Don't worry about losing

happen quickly. Don't worry about losing your reader's interest. You're actually

going to peique their interest. You're

actually going to make them more curious, more emotionally invested.

Question number three, are there quiet scenes where the characters reveal vulnerability, insecurity, or personal history? So, like I said with some of

history? So, like I said with some of these examples, you've got mail, they're emailing each other, or in Green Card, they have to make sure that their marriage of convenience seems legitimate. So they have to learn things

legitimate. So they have to learn things about each other. In a lot of these situations, we have forced proximity sometimes against the characterser's wills where they have to spend time together and they inevitably learn these

things about each other. But use any vehicle you can to let that vulnerability come out in a natural way.

By the end of the story, can you clearly see how these two people changed each other's perspective on life? Like I said before, the best romances are not just

about two characters getting together.

They're about two characters transforming. At the end of the story,

transforming. At the end of the story, each character should see the world and themselves and each other a little bit differently because of the romance, because of the transformation that

happened both internally and externally.

I, for one, want my romances to feel like '9s romcoms. That is my goal in life. Like I just want my stories to

life. Like I just want my stories to feel nostalgic and soulful and full of conflict and chemistry. Yes, I want my characters to be very shippable. I want

you to root for them, but I also want you to see them as conflicted people before the romance even shows up. But I

want to hear your perspective on this.

Comment below, join the discussion, and also tell me what is your favorite '9s romance. I would love to hear it. Smash

romance. I would love to hear it. Smash

that like button if you haven't already.

Make sure you're subscribed to this channel because I would love to have you here in the community. Also, make sure you save your spot at the upcoming live training all about writing slowburn romance. I think you'll love it. Again,

romance. I think you'll love it. Again,

it's happening Sunday, March 8th at 1:00 p.m. Eastern time. If you have missed

p.m. Eastern time. If you have missed that date, if it's past the date already, don't worry. You can click the link and watch the replay on demand. And

if you're a romance writer and you are struggling to build that juicy romantic chemistry between your characters and make them have that spark that leaps off the page, I highly recommend checking

out this video where I break down seven easy ways to give your characters instant chemistry. So, I will see you

instant chemistry. So, I will see you over there or I will see you in the next one. Until then, my friend, happy

one. Until then, my friend, happy writing and rock on.