You Can Change Your Brain: Neuroscientist Explains How to Rewire Your Mind & Stop Negative Thoughts

This brain does absolutely nothing except what you tell it to do with your mind.

Dr. Caroline Leaf is a world-renowned researcher and a psycho neurobiologist.

Since the early 1980s, she has been researching the mindbrain connection, the formation of memory, and she is also one of the original pioneering

researchers to figure out that your brain can change. She is also the author of 18 bestselling books that have been translated into 24 languages.

You can't change your story, but you can change what it looks like inside of you and therefore how it plays out into the future. The mind is 99% of who you are.

future. The mind is 99% of who you are.

It's fundamental.

Okay, now hold on. I'm wiggling my toes right now thinking my mind is in my toes right now. This is so crazy. I've never

right now. This is so crazy. I've never

heard anybody explain it like that. I

just think I got it.

The mind and the brain, the words are used interchangeably as though they're the same thing. And the research shows that 95% of lifestyle diseases come from our thought life. So what the truth is, Mel, is that

Dr. Caroline Leaf, it is such an honor to have you here in our studios in Boston. It's a pleasure to meet you in

Boston. It's a pleasure to meet you in person since I've been admiring your work from afar and watching your videos online. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you

online. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you

for hopping on a plane and being here with us. Mel, it's an honor and a

with us. Mel, it's an honor and a privilege. I'm one of your biggest fans

privilege. I'm one of your biggest fans and really love what you do. Thank you.

It's so great to be here. I'm so

excited.

Well, I'm excited to dig into your more than 35 years of research and the tools that you're going to share with us today that come from being a worldrenowned

psycho neurobiologist.

But the way that I want to start is I would love for you to speak directly to the person who is listening to us right now who feels trapped in negative

thoughts. You know, like that their mind

thoughts. You know, like that their mind is just a complete mess.

What would you tell that person who's listening to us right now that feels that way?

95% of people according to research actually battle with negative thinking.

So it's very common. It's much more common than we realize. But people are people get stuck there because they're drawn to the imbalance that it creates.

You you can actually as soon as you're aware of that, you can change it. And

some of the typical things that people get stuck with are things like they feel under pressure that they that's such a so I feel so pressurized. I just can't do it. Black and white thinking is

do it. Black and white thinking is another huge one. It's this or that.

Nothing's ever life's a spectrum.

Nothing's ever black and white. But it

really gets people stuck. Things like my brain won't shut up. You know, that's something that people will often say to me, how do I switch my brain off? That's

a common statement that people make. A

couple of others are things like um my my past is haunting me. How do I deal with that? It's coming right into it

with that? It's coming right into it haunts. It's there. It's over me all the

haunts. It's there. It's over me all the time.

I appreciate you sharing what you just shared because I think it's so important that number one that the person listening understands that they're not alone in feeling how they feel. And more

importantly, number two, that there is something that you can do about it. That

it's based in evidence. and that based on your clinical research, it's going to work. And I would love to have you just

work. And I would love to have you just start by telling the person who's listening what could change about their life or the life of people that they

love if they really take to heart everything that you're about to teach us today and they apply it themselves.

That's such a good question and I think the biggest thing that I have found over the nearly 40 years I've been in this field and reached now a lot of people and 20 25 years of clinical practice the

key thing that is so helpful and that is that your mind is not your brain.

They're not the same thing and that you can manage your mind. You can actually change your mind and change your brain.

You're not stuck. I think that's absolutely key for people.

Dr. Leaf, you just said that the brain is different from the mind. What does

that mean?

Yeah. And that's the key question because when you get that when you get that concept, it changes your life. It

brings hope. We have a we have a lot of messaging for about 40 years now where we are the mind and the brain, the words are used interchangeably as though they're the same thing. So, what the

truth is, Mel, is that your brain and your body are the physical part of you.

So, I've got a I've got a little brain down here. Let me grab your brain. Okay.

down here. Let me grab your brain. Okay.

This brain does absolutely nothing except what you tell it to do with your mind.

Okay, now hold on. Let me see if I can understand this because if you're watching this on YouTube, you can see that she has a little model of a brain.

It looks like two chicken cutlets together.

It does. And you're basically saying that on its own that blob right there that we call the brain the physical structure does absolutely nothing

on its own.

On its own nothing on its own.

So then what is the mind?

So the mind is the energy force that actually drives the brain and makes it work which is enabling us to have a conversation and part of memory and remembering what we're saying and so on because your mind is doing the work. So

the easiest way to understand this is that if you die within seconds of your heart stopping under 20 seconds your brain basically that's it and your body disintegrate. So the brain and the body

disintegrate. So the brain and the body disintegrate. What's the difference

disintegrate. What's the difference between a dead person and an alive person? It's actually your mind. So mind

person? It's actually your mind. So mind

is a big word and it represents your spirit, your soul, whatever word you want to use. It's that melness. It's

your ability to perceive what I'm saying, to think and feel and choose about that, to love, to have relationships, to the way you see the world, the way you learn knowledge, the

way you perceive every moment of every day. That's mind. That mind drives your

day. That's mind. That mind drives your physiology. So the mind makes the brain

physiology. So the mind makes the brain work. It makes the genetics and the

work. It makes the genetics and the neuro hormones and the neurochemistry.

It makes the heartbeat. If you weren't didn't have a mind, your heart couldn't beat. It's your mind that's making your

beat. It's your mind that's making your heartbeat. That's making your lungs

heartbeat. That's making your lungs work. that's making you breathe. So it

work. that's making you breathe. So it

handles your mental aspects, your psychological aspects, it handles your neuro aspects and it handles your biological. So psycho neuro biological.

biological. So psycho neuro biological.

So I'm actually a psychonurobiologist looking at this relationship, this network that we have. And the

interesting thing, Mel, is that the mind is 99% of who you are. It's fundamental.

It's the prism through which life pro is processed. The brain is just a host. So

processed. The brain is just a host. So

the mind is taking this conversation and putting a copy of it into the brain and that then activates the brain to respond chemically and electromagnetically and

genetically and and then it wires this conversation as we're talking. It's

wiring it into the brain. The mind's

doing the work. So you with your mind and your listeners, they're taking my words, which are electromagnetic impulses, taking those into the mind zone. We've got like a zone around us of

zone. We've got like a zone around us of electromagnetic field. It's a it's a

electromagnetic field. It's a it's a field of energy. It's exactly the same energy that runs your cell phone. So the

thing that makes your cell phone and all anything work that's the lights, the studio lights, etc. Everything everything that works, it's electromagnetics. So but each of us has

electromagnetics. So but each of us has our own unique electromagnetic field. So

you have yours, I have mine. We all have our own unique ones. So your mind is that thing on a physics level. I know it sounds hard. That's why I said think of

sounds hard. That's why I said think of a cell phone.

I actually think it makes a lot of sense. So I want to try to give it back

sense. So I want to try to give it back to you.

Yeah, go for it.

Um, so I'm completely understand what you're saying that the brain is the physical thing.

Yeah.

The mind is the energy force.

Yes.

And the programming. And so if you take the example of the cell phone, if the cell phone isn't charged, it's dead.

Exactly.

Same thing with a human being. And what

charges you is the energy of your mind.

Exactly.

And if a cell phone actually was stripped, right, of like when you go to reset to factory settings or whatever, you wipe it clear of everything. It

doesn't work.

Exactly.

And so you have to both have the energy to power it. And you also have to have the programming and the language and all of that that tells it what to do.

Otherwise, the thing is dead and useless. And you're saying the same

useless. And you're saying the same thing about the brain and the mind. This

is useless until you with your mind put the create the programs, put the programs in, power it up, charge it, use it. And even when it the cell phone

it. And even when it the cell phone dies, it doesn't mean that the mind has died, the mind still goes on. It never

stops. That's the thing. The mind just carries on.

Wait what?

Never stops. You are always you. You

carry on. So if you think of the mind, it's driving all your psychological stuff and all your physiological stuff.

So when you have a for example we use EEGs and QEGs in our in our neuroscience research which looks at the energy waves in the brain looks how the brain how the brain is responding that's what we're

looking at is the mind in the brain when you have an EKG they look at your heart that's the mind in your heart the fact that your blood is pumping it's a whole different conception I've never thought about it that way

before I've always whenever somebody says the word mind I think about what's in between my ears exactly but you're basically saying if You wiggle your toes. What's making your toes wiggle is your mind.

Which means your minds are in your toes and your fingertips and you feel like a shock even when you touch a sweater that's kind of like fuzzy and you get that little like that's your mind helping you experience that.

You got it.

That's crazy. I've never heard anybody explain it like that. I just think I got it for the first time.

I love it.

So I got the difference between the physical versus the energy that powers it. But I've never actually extended

it. But I've never actually extended that insight of the energy and the programming that is your mind.

Yeah.

The life force that drives you is in your entire body. That is crazy.

It's crazy. It's a It's a mind brain body network. Three things. And it's a

body network. Three things. And it's a network that works together like the worldwide web. We have our own unique

worldwide web. We have our own unique worldwide web within our mind brain body connection. You can I can blow my toes

connection. You can I can blow my toes right now thinking my mind is in my toes right now. This is so crazy.

right now. This is so crazy.

Totally. But here's the really amazing thing. As I'm speaking now, as I

thing. As I'm speaking now, as I mentioned, I'm sending out electromagnetics um waves photons auditory sound, all this energy, fantastic physics stuff, okay?

Gravitational field, all this fancy stuff. So, all my words are coming at

stuff. So, all my words are coming at you and the listeners. Your mind takes that and it's not in your brain yet, but and it forms it into little clouds, thought clouds. So, every word I'm

thought clouds. So, every word I'm saying is grouping into a little cloud.

Like raindrops form a cloud. My words

are like drops of information forming a cloud. As that's forming, this is

cloud. As that's forming, this is happening at 400 billion actions per second and faster. So now we've got this cloud. Now your mind, your brilliant

cloud. Now your mind, your brilliant mind makes a photocopy of that. I mean,

it's obviously much more sophisticated than a photocopy, but it makes a copy, puts that into the brain, and the brain responds by genetically,

neurochemically electromagnetically and it wires in a network. And that

network looks like a treat. The more

drops are added to the cloud, the more branches you grow. And so we got a cloud in the mind. We've got a copy of this is in the brain. And every single cell of your body gets a little mini teeny weeny

version inside every cell of your body.

So every single cell of your body is building this conversation that we are having.

I can explain this back to you. Okay? So

because this is crazy. And first of all, as you're listening to Dr. belief. I

just want you to like wiggle your fingers or wiggle your toes and have this experience of saying to yourself, "Oh my gosh, like that's my mind in my fingertips and my toes." And so like you

can feel it everywhere. what you just explained if I'm processing it correctly and I'm grabbing the droplets and turning it into the bush in my mind is

that as you are talking there are the the language that you are speaking is converted into energy and clouds and patterns that

come through the air that in electromagn whatever the heck the word was but it's like energetic electromagnetic form

and my mind, which is wiggling my fingers and toes, has the ability to grab that electromagnetic field that we would call language, ideas and words,

grab them from you as an as energy, and then translate it into something that the brain, the physical structure

can now encode and remember. And this is the process of how your mind is taking the electromagnetic signals from all

around you and encoding it into the mind so that you can do basically everything.

Walk around, recognize the environment that you're in, recognize somebody's faces, remember a voice that sounds familiar everything.

Everything. And and it's what's interesting is that other than the programming that is part of the human design that

helps you grow and breathe and know how to do the things that the body has has to do to keep you alive. Mhm.

Your mind is designed to constantly be learning and absorbing new electromagnetic

patterns that it then puts into your mind, which is where like the neuroplasticity that your brain can always change.

You got it, Mel.

Wow. So, I I have a question about this.

So good. because you're going to teach us. Yes. No matter what you've been

us. Yes. No matter what you've been through, no matter how messy your life is right now, no matter how scrambled your thoughts may be, no matter how

stuck you think you are, you can absolutely make your mind bud and sprout completely new thoughts, completely new ways to go

through life. And you have the research

through life. And you have the research to prove it. When when did you actually realize that this was possible?

I'm I'm 61. I trained in the back in the 80s and in the ' 80s we were told that once the brain was damaged, that's it.

This neuroscience lecture was saying, "Okay, so once you've got brain damage, once you've had trauma, that's it. You

got to teach your patients to compensate." And I immediately remember

compensate." And I immediately remember putting up my hand, and now this is back in the 80s. I'm a female. It's in

science. There's majority males in my class and majority male lecturers. And

there was bias and I immediately put up my hand and I said I wasn't trying to be difficult but I challenged that and said but we constantly are changing growing learning all the stuff that philosophers have spoken about for thousands of years

so therefore that means that our brain must change because our brain is the host our brain hosts our mind and the brain has got to change. So this

professor kind of facicious he said well go do research. I thought, well, let me do that. And I started working with

do that. And I started working with people with traumatic brain injuries and saying, okay, well, if I can help them manage their mind, if I can help them rebuild and change how they're thinking,

can that change the brain? I took people that had severe traumatic brain injuries and so give me an example like what like what is a patient that has Okay, so I'll tell a story. Can I tell you one of my most amazing stories that

I tell I've been telling this story now since then and I have permission to tell it with one of my patients called Lee and she I had just started this research and Lee was a 16-year-old um and she had

a terrible her and her brother had a terrible car accident. She was thrown far from the car and she went into a coma. In that time in the 80s if you had

coma. In that time in the 80s if you had a if you were in a coma for longer than 8 hours the brain damage was considered irreversible. But these these parents

irreversible. But these these parents were not going to accept this. is no

ways that this is going to be the case.

And they said, "Look, please." And they begged me. So I said, "Okay, well, if

begged me. So I said, "Okay, well, if you prepare to work with me, we're going to work together." And that's what we did. And we worked for 8 months now.

did. And we worked for 8 months now.

And so you've got a their daughter was thrown from a car.

Yeah.

She's in a coma.

Yeah.

She The parents are told after 8 hours there's irreversible brain damage. And I

think And like even without being a doctor, it makes sense because you're like, "Okay, you've been thrown from a car. There's clearly damage, physical

car. There's clearly damage, physical damage to the brain.

Exactly.

And there's nothing that can be done.

And now you enter Dr. Leaf and you're like "Oh no no no.

We're gonna look at the mind, the thing that's wiggling your hands and your toes, and we're going to see if we can actually use the energetic power system."

system." You got it.

To reverse the traumatic brain injury.

Yes. So, they didn't reach out to me in the coma. They reached out to me when

the coma. They reached out to me when she had come through the coma and she was sort of functioning, but at a second grade level. This is a 16-year-old who's

grade level. This is a 16-year-old who's now almost 17 who couldn't who can't even function at a second grade level.

Got it. And it's due to the traumatic brain injury that she experienced during the car accident.

Exactly. So, enter Dr. Leaf and what happens?

So, then I work I said, "Okay, we'll try this. We'll work together 3 days a week

this. We'll work together 3 days a week um two hours each time, but you're going to have to work in between." I mean, you This is the key thing, M. What I want to say is that I can give you these techniques. I can you can help anyone

techniques. I can you can help anyone within, but at the end of the day, you have to do the work. and we worked through the I developed the five-step process. I developed a theory clinically

process. I developed a theory clinically and after 8 months, not only did this child restore function, she went back to school. Now, she had missed most of her

school. Now, she had missed most of her 12th grade at this stage. And she was an average student before, so getting, you know, like C's and D's and whatever.

Didn't do very well. She goes back to school. She's got to catch up her most

school. She's got to catch up her most of her 12th grade year. That was her goal. She did it. She finished school

goal. She did it. She finished school with her peer group. She finished with not only did she finish, she finished with flying colors. Like for example, she suddenly became a brilliant mathematician. She was brilliant at

mathematician. She was brilliant at math. She went on to get a university

math. She went on to get a university degree. Her emotional, cognitive,

degree. Her emotional, cognitive, social, emotional, all of that changed.

She had a funny sounding voice cuz she had damage to her larynx. She couldn't

walk properly. So there were physical things, but mentally she restored. First

of all, it's extraordinarily compelling where you've got somebody with a traumatic brain injury and using the five steps that you're

about to teach us today. The fact that you can help somebody in these severe traumatic cases to use the mind to heal

the brain and to change the way that you experience life and to change the functioning of your mind and your body.

That is so exciting. And it also gives me hope because I feel like whether you're listening right now and you're struggling with a messy mind. You

overthink, you beat yourself up, you're just like can never kind of focus or you can't let go of worry or rumination or you have somebody that you love that has

concussion damage or that has experienced trauma. I'm excited because

experienced trauma. I'm excited because if those extreme cases are cases where you have been able to

use these five steps to leverage the mind and the power and the energy to change somebody in that situation's experience of life and the way that their brain functions. I think this

would work for all of us.

We're human. If you're human and you're alive, you have a mind and you need to know how to manage your mind. And this

is you're quite right, Mo. summarized it

so beautifully. It's it's it's mind management. That's essentially what we

management. That's essentially what we need.

So, Dr. Leaf, though, the mind management technique and neurosycep approach based on your clinical research,

you can use it to both better manage stress and burnout and anxiety and depression and you can also use your mind to heal the trauma from violent things that happen from the outside

world.

Exactly. The one is the healing management process. The other is the

management process. The other is the managing process. What's really key here

managing process. What's really key here is to understand the levels of mind. And

so the reason the question you asked me earlier on is that how does it the same system work for everyone? It sounds like a magic trick. It doesn't sounds too good to be true. So first of all, there's years of science behind this.

Every I patients that sit in front of me that have been through sexual trauma.

They're not going to want to know about a complex scientific formula. Nor is a traumatic brain injured patient. annoy

someone who's a rushed mom, who's dad or whatever, who's just come home. I've got

to be able to say, "Okay, do this, this, this, and this." So, I had to take complex science, which took me years to turn it into something very, very simple.

I want to just translate what you just said, though, because I think I got it.

I think I did.

I'm sure you did. So basically

if you're in a mode in your life where the stress feels relentless or your mind feels very very negative.

If you think about what how you explain conversation that again your mind is powering your brain and your body.

Yes. Your mind is literally taking the energetic signals from life and then it brings it into your brain

and body.

And if your thoughts also start to become negative, I can't handle this.

You know, I can't handle the stress. I

have no support. I'm never going to make it through this. Then what happens, you're right, is that you are creating a negative feedback loop inside your body,

brain, inside your cells.

Exactly.

And it's why you start to feel so heavy.

It's it doesn't it doesn't change the fact that you have very real stressful things you're dealing with, but because your mind is starting to now focus and

repeat negative thoughts, you're creating additional negative programming. And so if that's true,

programming. And so if that's true, if that's true, it's interesting because on page 45 of your book, you say everything we do begins with a thought.

Mhm.

If we want to change anything in our lives, we first have to change our thinking, our mind. When we know how to

change our mind, we rewire neural networks in the brain that then create useful, sustainable, and automatic

actions and attitude, good habits that make us happier and healthier. Hence the

term mind management. And so the process that you're about to teach us is both recognizing when your mind is absorbing

negative energy and negative thoughts and you're converting it into a negative thinking load.

Exactly. and unintentionally

programming this network to be heavy or negative or to bring you down. that you

can recognize that and you can use the exact same science to consciously choose positive energy and positive thinking

which then changes the neural network the energy the powering in your body which only makes you more able to meet the things going on in your life.

You summarized that brilliantly. While

we're on the topic of your book, when I was reading it, I noticed that there was this whole section about how labeling a mental health issue, you know, for example, when you say, "I have anxiety,

I have depression, I have PTSD, that that's actually harmful." As a neuroscientist, what do you mean by that?

Oh, wow. I'm so glad you asked this question. The last 40 years, we've had

question. The last 40 years, we've had the biomedical model. And the biomedical model basically has taken our experiences as humans and put them into

um a diagnosis and a label and a treatment. Now that works brilliantly if

treatment. Now that works brilliantly if you have diabetes or cardiovascular heart issues or anything like that. That

model is is medical. It's a good model.

But the mind doesn't work like that because the mind isn't driven by the brain. So that model is based on the

brain. So that model is based on the fact that your brain is it and your brain produces mind. Your brain produces nothing. Your brain is a responder.

nothing. Your brain is a responder.

It's a host and it just does what the mind tells it to do. And if your mind keeps feeding it all the stuff like we've been describing, eventually over time cumulatively your body and mind break down. So you become vulnerable to

break down. So you become vulnerable to disease. And the research shows that 95%

disease. And the research shows that 95% of lifestyle diseases come from our thought life. 95%. So that's established

thought life. 95%. So that's established scientific fact. The labels of PTSD,

scientific fact. The labels of PTSD, schizophrenia anxiety depression they are seem as though they're the same as something like diabetes, but they're not. They're not at all. The word

not. They're not at all. The word

anxiety, and we'll see this when we do the neurosycle, and depression, those are not things. Those are emotional warning signals.

They're telling you that you're out of alignment with how you should and you need to pay attention. Yes.

Otherwise, it's going to get worse. So,

you know, you you got to if you put your hand on the stove and it's burning, you can take all the ibuprofen in the world that you want and painkillers, but if you until you remove your hand from the stove, you're still going to have it's going to burn a hole through your hand.

So, what we're doing is toxic positivity, um, ignore labeling, medicating, that's just trying to deal with the symptoms. What we have to do is

embrace all the scariness, sadness, darkness of life, and you use that to learn and to grow. That's essentially

what we need to do. So labeling locks you in because PTSD is not an it. It's a

behavior. Depression and anxiety are not an it. They're emotional warning

an it. They're emotional warning signals. PTSD is a behavioral warning

signals. PTSD is a behavioral warning signal.

What What does that mean? It's not an it. It's a signal.

it. It's a signal.

So it's not a fixed thing. So when you label something like diabetes, it's a it's something wrong with your pancreas.

There's insulin. It doesn't produce enough insulin. They can do a test and

enough insulin. They can do a test and they can target a medication. When it

comes to PTSD, it's not the same thing.

It's not some thing that you can target specifically with a medication. PTSD is

a is a big word for a bunch of reactions that we have to adverse circumstances.

So whether you're in war, whether you've been raped repeatedly as a child, whether you've been in a tremendous socioeconomic strain, whether you've had

a bullying relationship at work, all of that is not PTSD. It's it's it's each one is its own unique story. You can't

just take that huggeeness, stick it in a label and say, "Oh, your brain is broken here. Let's fix it here." It's not about

here. Let's fix it here." It's not about your brain.

What is it about?

It's about your mind. It's about the experience. So, it's about the

experience. So, it's about the experience that you've had. So, adverse

response to adverse experience is very normal. Yes.

normal. Yes.

And it makes you healthy.

Exactly. And when you say mind, I want to be very very clear that what you're saying when you say mind is you're

saying that the experience that you had that was creating the traum the traumatic response was recorded by the mind. It was

programmed into the brain and the body and the nervous system.

Yeah. And by labeling it and by focusing on it, you make that experience stay around like you're locked in. You're locking it in.

It's like putting a lock in a key and you and that's now and then you shift into that and then that becomes your defining.

How do you want us to think about it?

cuz you know you you're a neuroscientist that has success healing traumatic brain injury and also healing other traumas in

the brain and the body by beginning with the mind. So how do you want us to think

the mind. So how do you want us to think about trauma, anxiety and depression?

Okay, so great question. So I want you to think about them as simply how you're showing up as words descriptions for how you're showing up as opposed to diseases

of the brain. they will impact your brain. We've we've heard that whole

brain. We've we've heard that whole story already from the beginning. How

whatever goes in the mind then goes in the brain and the body and because our brain and our body are not wired for that. The network's not wired for that.

that. The network's not wired for that.

It creates a disruption and telmirs and cells and all that breaks down and we get vulnerable to disease. So there's an impact but it's not the cause. So the

brain's not the cause. Life is the cause because you you aren't you aren't depression. You are feeling depressed

depression. You are feeling depressed because of you aren't PTSD. you're experiencing

PTSD symptoms because of. So we need to find the because of.

Dr. Leaf, as a neuroscientist who has been studying the way that you can use the mind to heal the brain and

the body, you look at these as responses to adverse experiences in life that can become your default response to life.

Yes. Because nobody understands how to use the power of the mind and the programming and energetic force that the mind is to create a different network

inside the body. Exactly.

That heals the response that you had to traumatic or very overwhelming situations in life.

Absolutely. And

and that's what you mean by the mind has the power to heal. Yes. you your trauma, your anxiety, and your depression.

Exactly. And it's not like they're going to just be replaced. We got to keep stressing that we're not you're not just putting out one thought and putting in another. You're actually embracing,

another. You're actually embracing, processing, and reconceptualizing. Very

different to just putting a thought out and trying to replace it with a positive thought. You're actually looking headon

thought. You're actually looking headon at that intrusive thought that is associated with that. Because if you or that response that response that is coming from a traumatic

experience that's become your response to withdraw or freeze or run or whatever whatever those are. You're looking at the whole cluster. You're looking and you you you start that's exactly where you start. You start with the responses.

you start. You start with the responses.

Those are signals and the signal and along with those signals is if you as soon as you look at the signal the run the anxiety the PTSD those the heaviness of depression

heaviness those things that's that's the how you showing up. It's a big broad description of how you're showing up.

And once you've got that, the minute what neuroscientific research shows is that the minute that you're aware of something, that's when you start weakening it and you can change it. When

something's strong and stuck, labels lock you in that kind of concept or stuck in a pattern.

You can't it's very, it feels like you can't change it because you you aren't you aren't depression. You are feeling depressed because of you aren't PTSD. you are feeling you're

experiencing PTSD symptoms because of so we need to find the because of and then we don't need to as I mentioned earlier on we don't need to get stuck in the sinking sand of why did they do that to

me you'll become a victim you won't move forward but then I need to start okay how am I going how do I want this to play out in my future I reconstruct and then I reconstruct that thought that

toxic thought part of the thought has now lost salience it's shrunk it never goes away because I can remember what happened to But it's now instead of being a big hold

because you are able to leverage the energetic programming force exactly of your mind to go back into your body,

brain and nervous system and flood it with a completely different programming related to the experience, the response, all of it. And there's so much optimism about this. You call this five-step

about this. You call this five-step process neurosycling. And I just want to

process neurosycling. And I just want to read from your book. This is on page 106 of cleaning up your mental mess.

So this is what the science means for you. You can transition from just being

you. You can transition from just being aware of your chaotic and toxic thoughts to being empowered to catch these thoughts in their early stages, manage

them, and improve your overall peace and well-being. With appropriate mind

well-being. With appropriate mind management training and self-regulation, which is what cleaning up the mental mess using the neurosycle is all about,

you can systematically use your mind to take advantage of the neuroplasticity of your brain to rework and rewire your thoughts. And there's even more. You'll

thoughts. And there's even more. You'll

become equipped to prevent the development of toxic thoughts, reconceptualize traumatic thoughts, and change and improve all areas of your

life, including managing depression, anxiety, and burnout that can come from chronic and recurrent stress, trauma, identity issues, isolation, sleep

difficulties, challenges with exercise and diet, and so much more.

It's incredibly exciting to see, and this is what I really want you to hear, that after 21 days of using this neuro

cycle process, check this out, 81% reduction in depression and anxiety.

In the clinical trial, 81% reduction in 21 days simply using the power of our minds and our thoughts and the energy it

brings to reprogram the experience of our life and to completely change and reconceptualize trauma.

How the heck we do this because there's five steps and I want to use an example.

Sure. So, intrusive thoughts, which we now are best friends, right?

Yeah.

Because it's signaling something to us.

Exactly. And let's say that you're just like got something going on at work and you don't have the greatest relationship with your boss and you're having trouble

sleeping and you are chronically like feeling like you're going to get in trouble or it's going to be a bad day or you're not doing a good job or you're not going to make your numbers or you're not going to get that thing that you

want or it's just you just hate like bracing. You got a conversation with

bracing. You got a conversation with your boss today, you don't want to deal with it and you're kind of in that negative loop. It's causing stress, you

negative loop. It's causing stress, you don't know how to shake it. How do we use your five-step process, the neurosycle in that situation?

Okay, great example. Okay, so first thing is gather awareness. Second one is reflect. Third step is to write

reflect. Third step is to write slashmindstorm, which I'll explain.

Recheck is the fourth step and active reach is the fifth step. It's not a technique. We're talking about a formula

technique. We're talking about a formula that helps you go from the signals all the way to the thought to the root.

Reconstruct and change how it plays out into your future.

Okay? So, it's gather information, gather awareness, reflect, write, recheck, and then active reach. So, first thing before, let's say

reach. So, first thing before, let's say now that you're about to go to work, the first thing is you need to do a mind brain body prep and that you can do there are so many different ways of doing.

So, is this like gathering awareness part? No, this is this is before that.

part? No, this is this is before that.

Okay.

So, the first thing is to um is to just prepare yourself neurohysiologically and that you can do anything from a visualization to a breathing to a meditation. You don't even have to close

meditation. You don't even have to close your eyes when you meditate. But one

that really does work is a 10-second pause. There's a lot of science behind

pause. There's a lot of science behind the 10-second pause.

What is the 10-second pause?

10. You can use you you count to 10. You

do 10 breaths, but you can do it in any combination you want. So let's say for example you're feeling really angry and you feel that and you think of the boss um and you want to get that anger under control because that's the predominant

like oh I'm so mad that I have to then I would recommend something like you breathe in for two counts hold for two counts and then breathe out for six but in the first three of the six you say

let and the second three of the six you say go. So, it's in,

say go. So, it's in, hold, and then out.

But as you count, and I'll count to six, and you can try it. As I count to six, you're going to say, "Let go in the six part." So, let

part." So, let to myself to yourself.

Cuz I'm breathing, so I can't say it right.

You can't say them. So, you're

breathing. So, okay. In one, two, hold, one two out one two three four five, six. In the one, two, three, you

five, six. In the one, two, three, you say let and the three, four, five, six go. This is let them theory. I mean,

go. This is let them theory. I mean,

it's like literally lines up with your let them theory. That oxygen isn't just breathing. We hear so much about

breathing. We hear so much about breathe, breathe, breathe. You've used

10 seconds. 10 seconds is very significant in terms of the conscious mind. The conscious mind works with

mind. The conscious mind works with little bursts of 10 seconds. So, the

nonscious mind works with an infinite speed. The conscious mind can only

speed. The conscious mind can only handle like one little conversation at a time which is like a 10-second little burst of activity. So you what you do is you keep your conscious mind in it in

its zone which is a 10-second zone. So

you don't overwhelm. So it takes the overwhelm away. Nonscious can handle

overwhelm away. Nonscious can handle everything and you can do it once or up to six times. Um so 60 seconds of that just to get yourself. So that's an

example. So, so the 10second

example. So, so the 10second breathing method that you just taught us that works for the conscious mind.

Yes.

Which kind of pulls you into the moment into the moment and that allows you to then do this fivestep process. Any moment that you

fivestep process. Any moment that you feel negative thoughts, a negative emotion, a response that feels like a freeze or an odd edgginess, you do the

10-second breath. And then what how do

10-second breath. And then what how do we do the neuroscycle? Okay. So, gather

awareness is step one. The four

sentences you ask yourself, what am I feeling? And you answer, I am feeling.

feeling? And you answer, I am feeling.

And it may be one or two words.

Frustration anger nervous. I'm feeling nervous.

nervous. I'm feeling nervous.

There you go. Then you say, where am I feeling this in my body? Bodily

sensation. And so maybe shoulders are tense or your heart's beating faster or you sweating, whatever.

How what what are my behaviors? What am

I saying and doing? What am I about to say and do? Um getting I can feel my face contorting. I can feel myself

face contorting. I can feel myself building up to snap or whatever.

And then the fourth signal, what's my perspective at the moment? How am I looking at the day in this moment? It's

going to be a lousy day. I can't handle this. I hate this. So, you just gather

this. I hate this. So, you just gather awareness. So, you very very calmly

awareness. So, you very very calmly stand back and observe. You're

self-regulating.

You are taking control. See, what makes us feel terrible is all of this stuff just come at us.

It is so messy. It's just like all over the place. And then I don't know how to

the place. And then I don't know how to gather the thoughts cuz they're all over the place. But now I'm grounding myself

the place. But now I'm grounding myself exactly by asking how do I feel and it's organized. It's not just random. It's very very clear what your

random. It's very very clear what your brain mind body mind brain body network.

Okay. So it's what do I feel?

Yeah. Emotions.

Where am I feeling that in my body?

Yes. Body sensation.

What am I doing or like behaviors in response to it and what is there was something about my face? What am I okay

face? What am I okay perspective perspective? Just let me say that again

perspective? Just let me say that again because I want to make sure that the person listening gets this too. How am I feeling?

Where am I feeling it in my body? What

are the behaviors, the thoughts and the kind of actions? And what's my perspective or thought about this?

How how am I looking at life? How am I looking at let's talk negatively? I can

tell you right now if it's bothering me, it's like death day for me.

There we go. So perspective is like putting on a pair of glasses. Gotcha.

And if it's all broken and shattered and whatever you can't see. So what is your perspective? Life is lousy. Life sucks.

perspective? Life is lousy. Life sucks.

life. So, it's an attitude. It's not a thought yet.

Nothing ever goes my way. I'm going to be alone forever. I always screw up. Got

it. Okay.

It's always going to be like this.

That's what you want to capture. So,

what you're doing is you are objectively in a very kind and compassionate and loving way cuz this is okay. You you you got to kind of start out by saying part of that mind brain body prep is to say

it's okay to be a mess. All of us are messy. Most of us walk around for most

messy. Most of us walk around for most of the day not happy, just going through the motions of life. This whole thing of trying to be happy all the time has also been a disaster. It's really made people feel worse. So part of that first mind

feel worse. So part of that first mind brain body prep is to really bring in an attitude towards yourself of kindness and compassion and it's okay to be a mess. This is not Mel. This is

mess. This is not Mel. This is

I think you have the presence of mind to collect yourself and do the 10-second breathing and now you're gathering information instead of running yourself over mentally.

Exactly.

You are being kind to yourself.

You are. And what I find like nine times out of 10 when I do this, it's the same thing. I've done something wrong. That

thing. I've done something wrong. That

is the core thing that it comes back to for me and I think as people start to use your process, you find that you start to find it's like I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable. I'm always

enough. I'm not lovable. I'm always

alone. Like that kind of for me it's like I have done something wrong. So

once you've asked these four questions and you've gathered the awareness, the second step is reflect. What do you do?

So reflection, if you think of a reflection, you look at yourself in a mirror, you see the reflection of yourself. There's also the concept of a

yourself. There's also the concept of a reflection of light through a prism. If

you shine a white light through a prism, it comes out with Yes.

So there's depth and there's reflection.

So you're reflecting on how is how am I seeing myself in relation to those four questions. So you keep very organized.

questions. So you keep very organized.

Don't jump all over. So you say you reflect on why am I seeing myself this way and what does it mean? So you look in the mirror and you go deep. Why? And

you use the wh questions, the who, the what, the when, the where, the why, the how.

Okay, so how do I do that?

So why am I feeling like this in this moment? Why am I why am I specifically

moment? Why am I why am I specifically feeling it in my stomach? Is it always in my stomach when I feel this? Um where

where is this happening? Is it only happening at work? Is it happening before? How often? How how often is it

before? How often? How how often is it happening? Is it happening every day or

happening? Is it happening every day or just now and then? So you just start the process. You're not going to solve it

process. You're not going to solve it all, but it's very specific. I'm looking

at myself in the mirror. I'm reflecting

back and I'm going deep. Who? When?

where, what, why, how. Got it.

You don't have to answer all of them, but what makes sense to to one. Now, those two three steps, people are pretty good at the meditation, the breathing, all that stuff. Um, they're pretty good at saying

stuff. Um, they're pretty good at saying how they feel. That's but that's when people crash.

Well, it's sort of like people who go to therapy for years and years and years and just get good at talking about their problems, but don't ever move to the solution part or the attacking problem, moving forward.

So, how do we do that here? because

we're now becoming aware of the thing the cycle that you're normally in which is very important to separate yourself from it and you're doing it in a way where you're very organized very calm very organized

the next part is right what am I writing so now what we do is we go to so I've got all this stuff come up I've got my whole network's now activated I can change now you go into a writing

mindstorm phase so I'm adding the word mindstorm on because that's in that a mindtorm mindtorm So it's it's easy way to understand

a tsunami of trash and garbage and toxic crap swirling in my brain related related to what you've just done. So my boss I've made another

done. So my boss I've made another mistake. I'm about to get fired. I'm a

mistake. I'm about to get fired. I'm a

loser. I'm never good enough.

Exactly. All the stuff you threw out at the beginning.

That's what you do. So So what we did was we calmed, we gathered awareness very specifically. Four questions, four

very specifically. Four questions, four answers.

We reflected and sorted the who, what, when, why. So now you're very organized.

when, why. So now you're very organized.

Notice I keep saying bringing order out of chaos. Very specific. When you do

of chaos. Very specific. When you do that, there's all kinds of neuroscientific things happening. Now

that has shone the light on that network. So now that network's got lots

network. So now that network's got lots of branches. So that's what the third

of branches. So that's what the third step's doing. It's putting up all this

step's doing. It's putting up all this stuff. Might even bring up your shopping

stuff. Might even bring up your shopping list.

What am I writing?

So you can what? Words, phrases,

whatever. So this is where it's good to get a blank piece of paper.

Draw a circle in the middle.

Draw a circle in the middle. Okay.

Literally draw a circle in the middle.

Okay.

And this is what I call a meta cog. It's

a vic t a c o g meta metaccog metacog circle right here. What am I doing?

Looks a bit like a concept map or a mind map. If anyone knows what those are. No,

map. If anyone knows what those are. No,

I don't. Okay. So, it's you start in Okay, never mind. You start in the middle.

Yeah.

Not over here and work left to right because that limits your ability to think in a broader way.

Oh, okay. So, what am I doing in the circle?

All you're going to do now is you're just going to write the what you think the thought of a hate boss. So you're

going to write there hate boss. So you

write the what you think is the the sort of what is the thought you're working on? What is the thought that's bugging

on? What is the thought that's bugging you? It's I hate my boss or whatever.

you? It's I hate my boss or whatever.

Okay?

Or I'll never be successful. I always

screw up. Like I'm always getting passed over. I'm never going to make the money.

over. I'm never going to make the money.

Like it could be I want you to get more specific than that. Okay?

that. Okay?

Because this is not in life in general.

We're going to go specifically to the example you chose. So this this particular example, we're not going to go broad. This is the mistake everyone

go broad. This is the mistake everyone makes. All of us. It's not this is not

makes. All of us. It's not this is not pointing fingers at anyone. We all do this. We go. No, no, no.

this. We go. No, no, no.

That's why my mind's a mess, Dr. Lee, because I go all over the place.

All of us are. We all a mess.

So, you're now got a work problem and you have a lot of stress around work and so you're literally going to stay focused on that cuz that's what you want to solve now cuz you woke up this morning and that's the problem that's worrying you right now. That's your intrusive

right now. That's your intrusive thought. That's your best friend. That's

thought. That's your best friend. That's

what's popped up. That's what the nonscious found. It shone a light on

nonscious found. It shone a light on that ugly tree in the forest and it stuffed it into your subconscious.

question that helps you narrow it because if I've got a mental mess and my thoughts are all over the place and I can easily go from one intrusive thought I'm going to give you a trick to do that.

There is a trick. So it's called a thinker moment.

Thinker moment.

Yeah. As in thinker moment. So what you do is you think oh I don't know what thought to work on my mind's everywhere like you've just described. So you shut your eyes you close off the external world and you switch onto your internal

world. That creates a beautiful activity

world. That creates a beautiful activity through the mind, brain, body network that enables you to then just allow the free flow of thoughts. In that free flow of thoughts, what you do is you observe

that free flow of thoughts and you see which is the one that's popping up the most in this moment. There's probably 10 things popping up or 20. Which one pops up?

You know what actually just happened for me when I closed my eyes?

What happened?

And I don't even like have this issue right now with work.

Yeah. But when I closed my eyes and imagined moments in my life where I absolutely hated

my job. I mean, I'm talking I I can it I

my job. I mean, I'm talking I I can it I I was in my 20s. I was working for this big law firm here in Boston. I had left my dream job of being a public defender

in New York City. I would commute in on the train and like as the train was like the closer we got, I just felt more and more of a pit in my stomach as I would

walk from the commuter rail, you know, through the blocks past the Dunkin Donut, take a take a right, I think it was on High Street, Hi GH. I would then walk up to the building. I would then go

into the lobby. I'd say hello to Ralph who's sitting at the front desk. I would

get into the lobby with every other miserable person in a corporate building and I'd go all the way up to the 17th floor and I'd always contemplate that there was no 13th floor in this

building. So, they must have been

building. So, they must have been superstitious. And then I would get out

superstitious. And then I would get out and I just felt dread. And when I closed

my eyes and put myself there, it's kind of cool. all of that noise left and I literally thought I'm stuck here.

Mhm.

Like I have no there's nothing I like it was this sense of I am going to feel like this. I'm stuck. I've made the

like this. I'm stuck. I've made the wrong like how did like sort of like I can't get out of this.

How did I land up here?

And so it became so much deeper like you talk about the route. talk about the program. You've taught us that our mind

program. You've taught us that our mind goes not just upstairs between the ears, it's down to the toes.

Like when you close your eyes and do that, it goes a lot deeper because it wasn't about the boss at all. It was about this core feeling of being alone and stuck and yeah, the dread stuck. And what you did was you allowed

stuck. And what you did was you allowed yourself to tap into your unconscious.

Your nonscious knows exactly what's disruptive to you in this moment.

All right. Now,

so what do we do next?

So you asked what to write here. So you

would write what those four signals what did you what were the emotions write the emotions on what were the behaviors what were the um perspectives what were the bodily sensations what words came up just write them all over the page they

can be on lines in bubbles just put it all over the page I just had this huge insight about the stuckness if you have an insight like that when you close your eyes is that enough or do you still need to kind

because because I get Yeah yeah yeah because you're not going to get everything that you do has branches and I'm starting to realize it's because we're not everything's connected yes And it's also that you're you're catching yourself in the moment, but

you're also doing the work of pro of getting to the deeper program.

That's why you need tomorrow and the next day. Then you're not going to solve

next day. Then you're not going to solve it today. You're not you you'll get

it today. You're not you you'll get control of the dread for today. But walk

yourself through the 10-second pause.

Walk yourself through gather awareness.

Walk yourself through reflect. Walk

yourself through this. Now you say, "Okay, let's have a look at this. Okay,

Mel, let's have a look at this."

Now, is this the recheck part?

Recheck. Step four. We're going to reconceptualize. We're going to look at

reconceptualize. We're going to look at this from another angle. This is what's happened. What can we do about it now?

happened. What can we do about it now?

Not forever, not next week, now. How do

I get through today, this moment? How

can I see this differently?

Well, today maybe is day one. So you

might just say, "Oh, I just realized that because you described in absolute depth about the 13th floor right up to the 17th and the high street that you your realization there would be what I

would say with your reconceptualization as you recheck this is, wow, it's imprinted so much on my mind. Every

moment of getting to that office to the 17th floor was pure and utter dread."

And every day I just reinforce it. Grew

more and more in my head. Wow, that's

what's happened. That's enough for the recheck for that day. Just that

awareness on day one. Tomorrow you can start doing some more on it. But just

the awareness, wow, that level of detail that I attention that I paid to that process. It's linked to that dread. It's

process. It's linked to that dread. It's

linked to I'm in the wrong I think I must be in the wrong place. I don't have a solution yet. I've got to go to work today. I don't have another job. I don't

today. I don't have another job. I don't

know if that's the solution. I don't

know yet. But it's okay. It's okay to not be okay. So now, what can I do?

Fifth step, active reach. Actively reach

for something that you can do to get you through the day.

What if you don't know what to do? Cuz I

think that's the thing like when you when you first start this Yeah.

and you actually become present to what you're feeling, which is the first step.

What is one thing that somebody who is starting to apply this to interrupt and to work this neurosycle which is you

actively consciously using your mind to interrupt the negative thoughts and energy in these five steps.

What is one thing that you could do as an a an example of active reach if you can't think of something? So something

really simple is just repeats.

It's okay to be a mess. It's okay to feel like this. It's a statement, a phrase. It could be a visualization. And

phrase. It could be a visualization. And

what you do, so it could be something as simple as, wow, I'm actually starting to see something. Well done. It could be a

see something. Well done. It could be a simple phrase like that. And you could imagine, if you like to visualize, you could imagine a beautiful flower. And

then what you do is you take the phrase, you attach it to the visual. And then as you go through the day, each time you feel the dread emerging, you you don't you don't you're not suppressing, but you're going to deal with it tomorrow.

And the reason you deal with it tomorrow is because our physical brain, body, and conscious mind don't have the same level of energy as the nonscious. The

unconscious has unlimited energy.

So, it's always going to be popping stuff up. So, it's always going to keep

stuff up. So, it's always going to keep coming up. You be like, you can go

coming up. You be like, you can go through this and then you just literally even if you're like, "Okay, I'm recognizing it. This is a good thing."

recognizing it. This is a good thing."

Or, "I'm capable of figuring this out."

That's my favorite. I'm capable of figuring. You're reaching for something

figuring. You're reaching for something possible.

I can mindset. I can mindset. I don't

know what is but I can somehow I can get through this. I've got two things

through this. I've got two things before. So is this to find something. It

before. So is this to find something. It

could be I can I can mindet I can get through this. I

can figure this out. I can I can like create a different experience in my life.

I I can use the tools Dr. Leaf taught me.

I can I can use my mind to heal my body and my brain and to get me out of this job I just Exactly. Exactly. So you take that and

Exactly. Exactly. So you take that and then what you would do is the key thing there is you don't have to put it onto a visual but you can is to then every time that you go as you go through the day every time you feel the dread emerging

and you just you don't allow yourself to go there you you grab the active reach.

The active reach keeps you anchored in the moment and keeps you it keeps that thought up with a deconstruction process happening. Then the next day you pick up

happening. Then the next day you pick up where you ended. Okay, now let's see what do I feel today. And then you go through the same cycle again and so and so you move through after 63 days you

would have create recreated a new habit.

It doesn't take 21 days to build a habit. It takes 63. The 21 days is the

habit. It takes 63. The 21 days is the hard work and then the the 40 other 42 days is much easier. Still the

neuroscycle you do it daily but it stabilizes the thought and there's an up and down journey there. So for people to realize that if

there. So for people to realize that if I'm changing a habit or I'm healing a trauma from the past, it's not going to happen in one neurosycle. You need a neuroscycle daily. The first 21 days are

neuroscycle daily. The first 21 days are hard up and down. And then the balance of 42 are where you stabilize it into a habit. People are good at intending to

habit. People are good at intending to change, but they tend to stop around day 14, day 21, day 28, cuz those are the days where you think, "Oh, I I kind of got this. I've been working at this and

got this. I've been working at this and I feel okay." But if you stop there, you'll go straight back. If you stop at day 28, you'll go straight back. If you

stop at day 36, you'll start reverting.

It's for people to know that in the journey, there is an actual 63-day process to turn it into a habit. Takes

it's like watering a plant. If you don't keep adding water, it's going to die.

So, you've got to grow that network. It

has to be grown with energy added daily.

And then once it's grown to a certain point, then you just do it without even you are thinking, but it's become automatized. Habits are built one tiny

automatized. Habits are built one tiny bit at a time. You will not solve this on day one. This is a big issue. You

can't just leave the job as you mentioned. You can't just get rid of

mentioned. You can't just get rid of months of dread.

And you're never going to leave the job though if you continue to allow your mind to power you with negativity and nasty thoughts and going to become a unhappy victim person

who's just victim mentality, nasty, unhappy, hate life, depressed, whatever.

And you don't need to go there. You

really don't. But you need to. But

you're not going to solve it in one day.

And that's really key. So I don't want to hear that and I know you don't want to hear that nor does anyone. So the first 21 days is

does anyone. So the first 21 days is hard work. It's quite stressful. You'll

hard work. It's quite stressful. You'll

go up and down.

Tell me the good news that there is amazing news though because just like you say using this simple five-step process

and even understanding that you can is a giant step forward. But but there's even better news here.

Yeah, there is. And the better news is that based on your new clinical research and the new what is going to be mega bestselling book help in a hurry you

have also established based on research that you can in 63 seconds stop yourself from a negative thought or emotional spiral. How so?

Yes. Okay. So it's it's that point where you feel like you can't do too much.

you're going to they're just like, "Oh, what I want to someone says something to you, you want to punch them in the face." You can't punch them in the face,

face." You can't punch them in the face, but you can get yourself back under control. The moments where

control. The moments where I got an email yesterday that was like and I I immediately felt like I was in trouble and that I'd done Here we go again. The negative here that I'd done

again. The negative here that I'd done something wrong. Here's that intrusive

something wrong. Here's that intrusive thought again. Yeah.

thought again. Yeah.

And it started to spiral. I felt it in my chest. I didn't know how to respond to

chest. I didn't know how to respond to it. I was slightly annoyed that this

it. I was slightly annoyed that this person felt this way about something that had happened. It was all business related. And

related. And what do you do in that moment? Because

we've all had that moment where you literally get a text from somebody and you're like, and you just want to just text back all caps and

how do you do how do you how do you stop yourself? Okay. So, in in that actual

yourself? Okay. So, in in that actual moment, the first thing that you need to do is to acknowledge it. The minute that the minute you say it, even if it's in your head or you can write it, the

minute it comes out, you take the power.

If it's inside, it basically builds up the wrong hormones. It's like when you cry.

If you if you're in grief and you cry, you're actually taking the hormones out that if you kept them in would make the grief worse. So, you're crying out the

grief worse. So, you're crying out the It's amazing. Yeah. It's amazing.

It's amazing. Yeah. It's amazing.

Okay. So, I just So, so something happens and here's one that everybody can relate to. You get the text. Yeah.

We need to talk.

Yeah. And then your heart just like I mean just even that tone all of us have had that what has just happened oh no what am I going to do so it's in that moment that the first thing you're going

to do is say out loud or in your head this text makes me feel like this it's the acknowledgement it I have to say it out loud preferably but if you can't say it in your head this text freaks me out but

because of why what oh we need the because yes you add the because on why is the because of why because then you're giving yourself you're getting it all out and you're giving yourself a reason and as you start saying the cause you see, oh,

what? Maybe it's not so bad or maybe I

what? Maybe it's not so bad or maybe I can handle because immediately solutions will come. The minute that you

will come. The minute that you acknowledge and say it.

Guess why I think I'm like because because I think I'm in trouble and I think I did something wrong. Like I like it literally goes back to the same thing.

Then then you go a little further and you say, "Okay, but why do I think I've done something wrong?" And if and if you if you can't answer, well, I don't know why, but that's you can say, "But that's their perception. They've obviously got

their perception. They've obviously got a reason. I don't need to take it inside

a reason. I don't need to take it inside of me." So, if you get the text,

of me." So, if you get the text, we need to talk, and then you feel the spiral. Step one is you've got to say it

spiral. Step one is you've got to say it out loud.

Literally, this text makes me feel like terrified because I think they're going to break up with me.

Exactly. And then, so as soon as you've done that, it's out. It hasn't had time to lodge.

Got it. Oh, I love that. It's like

vomiting when you eat something that's like Yes. That's what help in a hurry.

like Yes. That's what help in a hurry.

It's vomiting out the punch the first person person in the face. the pressure

cooker moment.

So, you're getting it out. It's the

tears when you're sad. It's you're just getting it out.

Getting it out. And then there's various ways you can deconstruct. So, what I've done in the actual book help in a hurry is I've gone through various scenarios like the this sort of thing when you get the text in the moment or help I'm under

pressure or help I'm in um uh black and white thinking or people pleasing or um the intrusive thoughts. All these things that catch us in the moment. And there's

lots of different techniques that you can use and you just choose what you don't have to use all of them. There's

just different, but they all start out with this fact of let's first acknowledge this is how we're feeling.

We all want to just push it down. We're

in a society where suppression is kind of the the name of the game. And that's

not what we want to do. We also can't just have it come out and not do something with it. That's why I say when you say when when you let it come out in that 63 63 seconds is enough time for

you to say, "Wow, I did not expect this text. This text says this, this, and

text. This text says this, this, and even read the text out loud. I I this is like crazy. because this is making me

like crazy. because this is making me feel like I like sick. I I I can't believe this. I feel like I'm want to

believe this. I feel like I'm want to get mad. I'm I'm angry. I want to react.

get mad. I'm I'm angry. I want to react.

I want to say this and even write that down or say it out loud. I want to say these things, but this is okay. This is

not realistic. I can't do that now. I

have to function. I have to see the bigger picture. I have to stand back and

bigger picture. I have to stand back and observe and see the bigger picture of this thing. And then what what can I do

this thing. And then what what can I do in this absolute moment? So, it's it's a mini neurosycle. You're doing a mini

mini neurosycle. You're doing a mini neuros you actually gone through all five steps. You're gathering awareness

five steps. You're gathering awareness of the different signals. You're kind of seeing what it generates. Wow, this this this this this. You're saying, "Okay, well, I don't really know what they mean. I'm going to find out, but I need

mean. I'm going to find out, but I need to." And the active reach would be, "All

to." And the active reach would be, "All right, I'm going to prepare myself. I

don't think I've done something wrong, or if I have, I'm okay. I can handle this. Whatever they tell me, I can get I

this. Whatever they tell me, I can get I can I can statement."

I can statement. So, it's that's the more or less thing. and then these little tricks that you can do like what I love about this example and the way that you described it is it kind of brings us full circle.

Yeah. Because when you can't ever control what other people are going to be doing or the texts that they're going to send or the things that are going to go down in your life.

And when you receive a text like that, we need to talk. That is input. And your

mind, which you have taught us, takes that text from the outside world, translates it through energy into your entire body and every cell.

Yes.

Creating an emotional response.

Yes. feelings and thoughts about the thing and if it is immediately messy, negative traumatic scary overwhelming,

now what's happened is your mind has taken something from the outside world and actually turned it into negative energy that and thoughts that

then start impacting everything about how your body and brain function. And

what you just taught us is that if that takes hold in 63 seconds, it sort of now is part of your reaction. It's in the

programming. But if you can get it out

programming. But if you can get it out and like literally say, "This text makes me nervous because I think I'm in trouble."

trouble." You design the network because it's still going to go in, but you you drive the neuroplasticity. you're driving what

the neuroplasticity. you're driving what gets in and what doesn't. And then when you say, "I don't like this, but I can figure

this out." Or, "I don't like how I feel

this out." Or, "I don't like how I feel right now because of this text, but I can handle this. Like, I'll figure

like like the I can thing now inputs positive energetic programming that reinforces a different network."

Oh my god, that's so cool.

Exactly that. And then you know what you've also done? You've bypassed the the toddler just getting stuck. You've

accessed you've dived straight down into your wisdom. You may not feel it in that

your wisdom. You may not feel it in that moment, but it'll stop you freaking out, saying the wrong thing, responding with a negative email, you know, reacting instead of responding. It will keep you

in response mode as opposed to react mode. So, when you do actually get in

mode. So, when you do actually get in the scenario where they talk to you, um, then you you're calm. You're resilient.

You you're not living in chaos land.

You're living in nonscious land. You

want to constantly dive in and access the nonscious. So, I don't know what the

the nonscious. So, I don't know what the solution is going to be, but it's in you, but you can't hear it if you're in chaos. So, the 63 seconds is to get you

chaos. So, the 63 seconds is to get you out of chaos.

It's great and get you into that place where you can.

It's really great. And you know, I'm going to come back to this wiggling toes. I think there's something here

toes. I think there's something here because I know you talked about visualizing a flower, but when I said the I can figure this out, I sort of just like wiggled my toes.

Perfect. You Everyone's individual.

Yeah. What's but only to basically pull the programming down to the roots here.

Exactly.

And so I think if you were to do something like you're in the actual conversation, we need to talk and you start to feel the tense coming in because now your mind is taking the energy and interpreting it. You could

literally go, you know, I know I'm feeling tense because I don't know what's going to happen. You're thinking

this. Wiggle your toes and be like, I can figure this out. I'm going to be okay.

You can. Perfect. You got it. You get a signal that works for yourself. That's

why I give you a million different techniques in the book. There's you work that out because what people generally will do, what we've been taught to do is breathe. Yeah, we know we're going to

breathe. Yeah, we know we're going to breathe and the breathe is oxygen, but but the breathe just shoves down the thing that I'm scared of that's already in my brain. So,

exactly. And notice that I said earlier on when you breathe, you must attach the correct cognitive message on top of it.

So, you are breathing, but you can't in the middle of a conversation go and count, you know, you or if you get triggered, you know, you can't like the sipping. You can't do that. People will

sipping. You can't do that. People will

think you unless you whatever.

I'm going to wiggle my toes. Exactly.

You wig on your toes. You keep yourself focused and then you just repeat it in your head. You repeat back what they've

your head. You repeat back what they've said. You talk or you pretend you're

said. You talk or you pretend you're taking notes in the conversation and you say they just said this effing awful thing to me and whatever. That's your no one has to see your piece of paper. But

it's you've got it out and now you redesign the network. You drive the direction. And that's what the

direction. And that's what the neuroscycle concept is doing. It's

giving you the power to drive neuroplasticity.

So Dr. belief if the person who is listening after I mean the amount that you have

taught us today absolutely unbelievable.

Um if the person listening does just one thing or takes one thing away from this what would you want the most important thing to be?

I think there's there's so many, but I think the the most important thing is to realize that your mind is not your brain and that your you your mind is the 99% of who you are and that you can change

you can't change your story, but you can change what it looks like inside of you and therefore how it plays out into the future.

Amazing. Dr. Leaf, what are your parting words?

You cannot control the events and circumstances of your life, but you can control your reactions to the events and circumstances.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for just this is extraordinary.

Thank you.

You have a real gift in terms of being able to explain something so insanely scientific and intellectual and

complicated in a way that I can understand, the person listening can understand.

Thank you. I know that uh people are going to share this with everybody in their life that they love and care about

um because we all need your work in our lives. And I really really appreciate

lives. And I really really appreciate how you broke it all down and I feel very optimistic and like what's super

cool is I believe you like I like I really believe that when you understand everything that you just taught us and

you truly embrace the power of what your almost 40 years of groundbreaking research has proven that you can leverage the

power of your mind and the way that it's powering your body and your brain and its capacity to literally reprogram the experience of

being you. Like how exciting is that?

being you. Like how exciting is that?

So exciting, isn't it? Thank you for seeing what I'm trying to do and what I've been trying to do all these years and will continue to do till whenever never stop.

I don't don't stop. And you know, I also want to thank you. Thank you for for listening all the way until this moment.

Thank you for really investing time into learning something that is so powerful and to really thinking about the power

that you have in the beauty of your mind to heal yourself to reprogram what it feels like to be you to make changes. So

does everybody in your life. You heard

Dr. Leaf say she's teaching these techniques to kids as young as two. We

all need to learn this. So, thank you for sharing this with people that you care about. And I also wanted to say in

care about. And I also wanted to say in case someone else tells you that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life.

And you know, I don't know that I've ever felt more optimistic about it now that I truly grasp the power of what Dr. Leaf's research has proven to be true.

That through the power of your mind, you can heal trauma. You can change your brain. You can change your life.

brain. You can change your life.

And it doesn't cost a thing to actually do it. All righty. I will see you in a

do it. All righty. I will see you in a few days. I'll be waiting for you the

few days. I'll be waiting for you the moment you hit play in the very next episode. I'll see you there. I'll be

episode. I'll see you there. I'll be

waiting to welcome you in. And thank you for watching all the way to the end. Was

that not extraordinary? I feel so inspired and moved. I know you do, too.

Thank you for sharing this with people that you care about. Thank you for hitting subscribe because that's one way you can support me as I'm supporting you. And I know you're like, "Mel, what

you. And I know you're like, "Mel, what do I watch next?" I want you to check out this video. You're going to love it.

And I'll be welcoming you in the moment you hit play. I'll see you there.

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