You're not boring, you just lack communication skills

If you struggle to make friends or you feel painfully awkward in every social setting, I want you to listen to this.

You need to divorce yourself from the idea that being social is hard, that's just an excuse you tell yourself because you simply lack friends. But being an introvert isn't the problem. And

thinking that you're just not interesting enough is BS. You just never learned real communication skills. But

it's not your fault because nobody teaches us this. So, let me take one for the team. And I'm going to show you

the team. And I'm going to show you exactly how to win friends and be social while still being an introvert. And you

can believe me because I did not start out this way. I grew up doing theater on stage and on camera, but surprisingly in real life, I was really shy. I always

felt awkward in group settings. And I

felt like I could never make real deep connections with anybody. Like, I just didn't feel close to people. And I

didn't know why. I thought it was just me or the way that I looked or my voice, but in hindsight, it wasn't because of my personality. I just never learned how

my personality. I just never learned how to be personable. And once I became aware of this, my whole perspective changed. So, for all my fellow

changed. So, for all my fellow introverts watching this, let me break down some of the misconceptions you have about yourself and tell you why they're not true. Number one is you're too

not true. Number one is you're too quiet. Here's the truth, though. You

quiet. Here's the truth, though. You

don't need to be the life of the party to make friends. You don't even have to be funny. But if you're decent at

be funny. But if you're decent at communication, you can talk to anybody.

The second misconception is you have to force yourself to be an extrovert. And

this is a complete lie because you don't have to change yourself to make friends.

Introverts are actually some of the most thoughtful, observant, and amazing listeners. And this is a strength that

listeners. And this is a strength that you can leverage. The third

misconception is you're just naturally boring. Again, being an introvert does

boring. Again, being an introvert does not mean you have a stale personality.

Every introvert I know is a little bit freaky on the inside. Don't lie to me.

So, you just need to learn how to leverage your personality to work for you, not against you. Now, another quick distinction here. Being an introvert

distinction here. Being an introvert just means you recharge your battery alone. It does not mean you hate people.

alone. It does not mean you hate people.

That is being called antisocial.

Antisocial people do not want friends.

So, if that's you, I'm going to politely to ask you to go away. This is for introverts who actually want to make more friends but don't know how to make them. So, if that's you, then let's talk

them. So, if that's you, then let's talk about it. These are the basic

about it. These are the basic communication skills that will help you win friends in any environment. Number

one is ask better questions. The reason

why your small talk sucks is because you don't ask the right questions. Instead

of just asking, "What do you do?" ask,

"What's been keeping you busy lately?"

Or instead of asking, "What do you like, ask what are you excited about right now?" People love it when you are

now?" People love it when you are genuinely interested in them and you automatically seem more interesting because you're interested. It also takes the pressure off you, especially if you don't like talking that much. Allowing

the other person to share while still being engaged is the secret weapon to making friends. But here's the other

making friends. But here's the other thing. When people are talking to you,

thing. When people are talking to you, listen. Introverts are natural

listen. Introverts are natural listeners, which is great. But here's

the catch. Don't use listening as a copout. Listening is more than just

copout. Listening is more than just hearing the literal words people are saying. What you want to do is active

saying. What you want to do is active listening, which means asking follow-up questions, empathizing, really trying to understand and validate what they're saying, and using your body language to show that you're listening. Do not be

closed off when someone is talking and do not be on your phone. That is just so disrespectful. Also, you need to make

disrespectful. Also, you need to make eye contact with people. A lot of people had beef with this in one of my other videos, but I'm sorry, that is just basic communication skills. You can ask anybody. If for some reason you like

anybody. If for some reason you like have a condition where eye contact is not possible, then just let the other person know so that they don't think you're purposely avoiding them. It's

just all about transparency. Number two

is put yourself in other people's shoes.

This is the number one secret to overcoming awkwardness. Stop thinking

overcoming awkwardness. Stop thinking about how awkward you feel and think about how they feel. I say this with love, but don't be so self-centered. Not

everything is about you. So instead of overthinking about how your face looks or how you're being perceived, shift your focus on making the other person feel good, one of the best books I've read that really helps me understand

others is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. This

is probably the most famous book on communication. The biggest thing this

communication. The biggest thing this book talks about is making other people feel valued. People want to feel

feel valued. People want to feel important. So if you make an effort to

important. So if you make an effort to uplift them, they'll have a good impression of you. And if you try to reduce someone's importance, they will resent you. And this is kind of a

resent you. And this is kind of a universal truth for life. Everyone is

too focused on themselves to even care.

Even if you feel awkward inside, 99% of the time, it never comes across like that. So, the best way to get over your

that. So, the best way to get over your ego and become more social is to focus your attention on how other people feel.

My mom made me read this book when I was like 10 years old, and I still apply it to every conversation. But now that I'm older, I'll be honest, I don't always have time to sit down and read every single book cover to cover. So, this is

why I love using short form. They are

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ideas. They also include interactive exercises, plus PDF and audio versions, so you can learn however you like. Since

it's been over a decade since I first read this book, I went through the guide on short form and was able to refresh my memory and even pick up on insights I completely missed before. And by the way, their collection isn't just

personal development. They've got genres

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development, though. So, every book they have is going to get added to my library. And what I think is so cool

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week. And as a new subscriber, you can even vote on what book they should cover next. It's like having your own personal

next. It's like having your own personal book club. So, if you've ever wanted to

book club. So, if you've ever wanted to improve your communication skills, level up your mindset, or just stay consistent with learning, Short Form makes it so much easier and definitely more fun. The

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The third communication skill you need to have is sharing personal stories.

Vulnerability is the key to unlocking deeper relationships. I heavily respect

deeper relationships. I heavily respect people who share about themselves, especially the negative or embarrassing stuff. So, don't hide everything. When

stuff. So, don't hide everything. When

someone asks, "How are you?" Don't just say, "I'm fine." Actually, be honest.

You can say, "I tried this new coffee shop and it made my day." Or you can say, "I failed my math test and it ruined my day." In this age, people are dying for the truth. So, give people those small details they can latch on

to. And if you can't remember stuff

to. And if you can't remember stuff about your life, you can fix that. This

is why I love journaling and doing self-reflection every day. Not only does it take care of my mental health, but it also helps me remember all the stuff I did. And this is how I stopped believing

did. And this is how I stopped believing that I was boring. It wasn't because my life wasn't exciting, it was because I couldn't remember anything about it. So,

don't let yourself forget your own stories. You have an interesting life.

stories. You have an interesting life.

you just don't talk about it enough.

Number four is the yes and trick. I

actually learned this when I was an actor and it's like the ultimate cheat code for any conversation. In acting,

and especially improv, one of the first things you learn is saying yes and to your partner. Okay, let's say you're

your partner. Okay, let's say you're doing a scene and your partner says, "We're on the moon." You don't say, "No, we're not. We're in Chicago." That kills

we're not. We're in Chicago." That kills the scene because you just put an end to that story line. So instead, you say, "Yeah, I can't believe we're on the moon, but I forgot my helmet." Now, the scene keeps flowing. And this is the

whole point of improv. You build on each other's imagination to create a seamless story. So, if you struggle with not

story. So, if you struggle with not knowing what to say during a conversation, the yes and trick is your lifeline. So, let's use an example. If

lifeline. So, let's use an example. If

your friend says, "I went hiking this weekend." You can say, "That's so nice.

weekend." You can say, "That's so nice.

I've been wanting to get outdoors more.

Where did you go?" You don't have to come up with something super unique.

Again, going back to point number one, asking follow-up questions and being genuinely interested in the other person makes them feel good. And you don't always have to add on with a question.

If someone tells you they went to XYZ University, you can say, "Oh my god, I knew someone that went there. What year

did you graduate? Maybe we have a mutual." Obviously, don't make something

mutual." Obviously, don't make something up if it's not true. But try to find points of connection between you and the other person. In all honesty, if you

other person. In all honesty, if you think you're boring or you struggle to make friends, nine times out of 10, it's because you're just not making the right friends. Instead of making friends just

friends. Instead of making friends just based on shared interests, you need to be making friends based on shared values. This is what they don't teach

values. This is what they don't teach you in school, and it's why 90% of your friendships don't last. You're getting

into relationships that are solely based on things you both like. Think of the friendships you had in elementary school. You like the same music as me.

school. You like the same music as me.

You also like spaghetti and meatballs.

You live down the street from me.

Suddenly, we're besties. But these

friendships rarely last. What makes

friendship strong is not shared interests, but it's shared values. What

are your beliefs? How do you live your life? What are the qualities you

life? What are the qualities you prioritize? These are the questions that

prioritize? These are the questions that can reveal what your or someone else's values are. And if you don't know your

values are. And if you don't know your own values, you're basically just wandering this earth with no moral direction. That is not a good thing.

direction. That is not a good thing.

Shared values are how you build real adult relationships. This is what should

adult relationships. This is what should be most important to you. I mean, think about it in a romantic relationship. If

you want to have kids, but your partner doesn't, that's a dealbreaker because you guys don't value the same things.

Even if you guys like the same movies, food, etc., this will make it hard to continue the relationship. So, you need to figure out what's most important to you and find other people who value those things, too. Think about where you

stand on honesty, personal growth, kindness, lifestyle, and start building relationships that go deep, not just wide. If there is one thing you should

wide. If there is one thing you should take away from this, it's that you are not boring. If you're an introvert,

not boring. If you're an introvert, that's great. You just need to

that's great. You just need to communicate more clearly and practice some simple skills. Ask better

questions. Listen, set expectations so people aren't guessing how you feel. And

look for friendships based on shared values. If you found this helpful, then

values. If you found this helpful, then make sure you subscribe to my channel because I post weekly all about this kind of stuff, self-rowth, confidence, and building your dream life. As always,

I'm so so proud of you and you're going to have so many friends you won't even know what to do with yourself. All

right, I'll see you in the next one.

Bye.

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